


Once Upon A Dream

by love_in_nature



Series: Emma and Solas [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Awkward Flirting, Bad Puns, Banter, Beta Wanted, Bittersweet, Curiousity, Dorks in Love, Dry Humping, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fade Nerds, Fade Romance, Fade Tongue, Fantasy, Feels, Fingerfucking, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy Smut, Girl Power, Headcanon, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Mages, Mages and Templars, Magic, Masturbation, Modern Girl in Thedas, Mystery, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Solas, Romance, Secrets, Sexy Times, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Snark, Spies, Spirits, Spoilers, The Fade, The Game Is Afoot, Witty Banter, Women Being Awesome, genre mix, handjob, non-inquisitor main, these two will be the death of me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-24
Updated: 2017-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-16 00:01:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 69
Words: 226,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5805466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/love_in_nature/pseuds/love_in_nature
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream.” ― Edgar Allan Poe</p><p>Emma Carpenter was just your average woman.  She was married, worked at a bookstore, and was close to graduating as a Lit major.  Until she came upon a strange light on her morning jog.</p><p> Now Emma finds herself thrown into Thedas.  A world in the midst of chaos, where magic exists and the line between dreaming and reality is blurred.  </p><p>Fate has her meeting a woman named Ivy who the people of Thedas call the Herald.  Through Ivy, she is pulled into a group called The Inquisition.  Despite herself, she starts to become attached to the people there, most strongly to an elf mage with secrets of his own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Curiousity Gets The Cat

**Author's Note:**

> This is a modern OC in Thedas story; it is not self-insert and not the Inquisitor. 
> 
> There will be the occasional chapter written from Solas' POV but most will be from Emma/Ella's. The Solas ones will be noted in the chapter's title so you could just read those but you'd miss a lot of the story so it isn't recommended. 
> 
> **NSFW** chapters will be marked with a * before the chapter title.
> 
>  **Updates:** Currently updates are at the very least once a week.
> 
>  [my tumblr](http://love-in-nature.tumblr.com/)  
> [My story playlist](https://play.spotify.com/user/12149182297/playlist/3pE5EACHMA3tV2vhTQ7RmI) \- this has a pretty decent variety as I use it not only as shipping inspiration for these two but also just for the story in general so some are specific to Emma or Solas or the story over all. 
> 
> Pinterest board links. I use them for story inspiration also as far as imagery and what not. Emma/Ella has her "face claim" but feel free to picture her however you like :D Also some might be considered a bit spoilery but I'm putting this here in case anyone is curious about it:  
> [Emma/Ella Pinterest Board](https://www.pinterest.com/amaira515/ouad-ella/)  
> [SolasXEmma/Ella board](https://www.pinterest.com/amaira515/ouad-the-cat-and-the-wolf/)  
> [Ivy's Board](https://www.pinterest.com/amaira515/ouad-ivy/)  
> I have a few other boards for this story but those seem the most relevant. Feel free to look at my other pinterest boards if you wish. Though it is a bit of a mess :P

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma Carpenter's morning started the same as every other morning. 
> 
> Waking up before the sun comes up, and having a big cup of coffee with a book, before heading off to her favorite jogging trail.
> 
> Little did she know this day would be anything but usual

 

 

  


 

She bent forward, flipping over her long auburn hair so she could better gather the unruly curls into a high ponytail.  That done, she put on her headphones.  Plugging the headphone jack into her cell, she switched on her jogging playlist.    
  
She zipped up her hoodie, and blew out a few puffs of air to test if she could see her breath.  Not yet.  It was still warm enough that she could get away with black jogging sweat pants and her light blue hoodie.  A few more weeks and it would be time to switch to the treadmill.    
  
She started off with a quick walk before working into a steady jog.  Once her body began to warm from the effort, she came to enjoy the cool air touching her cheeks and nose, turning them pink.  The trail she was on this morning was her usual one.  It was tucked behind a housing development, but felt like a world of its own, a wooded area that followed along a small river.     
  
As she was nearing her usual turn around point, she spotted a strange glow a little off the trail.  It shimmered in and out, almost a neon green.  She wondered if she was imagining things.  For a moment, she debated what to do.  It would probably be smartest to head back.  Her husband would be getting ready to leave for work soon, and she always liked to be there to say good-bye.    
  
Yet…  
  
What was the worst it could be?  It was probably something strange hanging on a tree that was catching the morning sun.  That would explain the flickering quality.  Perhaps it might be some interesting trinket for her to bring home.  A quick look couldn’t hurt.  
  
Stepping off the trail, she made her way through the trees.  It was further than she’d expected, and she almost turned back more than once.  However, something seemed to urge her forward.  Some nagging push in the back of her mind telling her to keep going.    
  
When she got there, she saw it was not some trinket in a tree.  It was beautiful and unlike anything she’d ever seen before.  The closest thing it looked like was if you slice into a piece of thick cloth, but it was all light.  It was also in the air, which was completely impossible.    
  
She wondered if she was losing it.  The music in her ears changed to the song “Run Boy Run.”  She smirked at the thought of the song being some sign.  If this, thing, was really here she probably should run from it.  Instead, she pulled her headphones from her ears resting them on her neck.    
  
She moved towards the light reaching out a hand.  She wanted to know if it was solid or liquid or… her fingers touched, and a jolt ran through her arm.  The light pulsed and surrounded her blinding her from the brightness of it.    
  
Suddenly she was thrown into something jagged and hard.  She hit on her right side.  The breath knocked out of her; she heard a sickening crack as pain shot in sharp waves through her body.  
  
She moved to her back and just stayed there eyes closed.  The pain throbbed through her so strongly it made her shake.   Gingerly, she tried moving her right arm.  Though it hurt, she could move it well enough so likely just bruised.  Next, she moved her right leg to test the hip; it seemed the same as the arm.  Given how much difficulty she was having taking full breaths, she feared her ribs had not fared so well.  
  
Phone.  Call for help.    
  
Her headphones were still on her neck, so she moved her left hand to feel for their cord.  Pulling it, she was relieved to feel the cell still attached, bringing the screen up in front of her face she opened her eyes and looked.    
  
It wasn’t broken, but there was no signal.  That didn’t make any sense, she hadn’t had any trouble with it here in the past.  Of course, the stupid cell company would have issues now.  The haze of pain made it hard to think, but she knew she’d have to get up and try to make it to her car.  
  
She took the headphone jack out of her phone, and removed the headphones from around her neck.  Wrapping the cord around the headphones, she set them to the side.  Then she slipped her phone into her pocket.    
  
Trying to take as deep a breath as her ribs would allow, she prepared to sit up.  A snowflake fell into her eye making her blink in irritation.  
  
Snowflake?  Wait, there hadn’t been any snow.  
  
She forced herself to focus through the pain, and looked around.  The woods were gone.  There were no trees, just a constant flurry of snowflakes.  Oh, and a giant green tornado looking hole in the sky along with, what appeared to be, huge boulders just floating.  
  
This wasn’t happening.  Not happening.  She’d clearly hit her head and…that must be it.  This was some concussion-induced illusion.    
  
Clenching her teeth, she set up quickly, pain hitting her hard enough that she let out a cry.  Her vision went hazy.  She squeezed her eyes shut, and let the pain wash over her, forcing herself to remain conscious.   

Clanking could be heard getting closer, “What is… another one!?  Maker’s breath, how many are there?”  
  
She felt cold steel under her chin.  Opening her eyes again, she waited for the spots in her vision to disappear.  When she was able to see clearly again, it only added to her confusion.  Soldiers surrounded her, but they looked like they came off some movie set.  They were dressed in shining armor and held swords to her.    
  
“Don’t move!”  
  
As if she could.  
  
“This one looks funny.  What’s she wearing?”  
  
She looked funny, honestly.  
  
“How should I know?  We should take her to the dungeon like the other one.  Seeker Pentaghast can decide what to do with her from there.”  
  
“Where…” Her voice came out barely a whisper.  She couldn’t think straight, and she was shaking.  
  
One of the soldiers reached down, pulling out a rope and binding her wrists tightly.  She imagined the bindings would hurt if she weren't already so overwhelmed by the pain shooting through her.  
  
When she was bound, two of the soldiers pulled her up.  She let out a cry as they moved her.  Another wave of pain washed through her, followed by blissful nothingness.


	2. Dungeons and Redheads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma wakes in a strange new place, apparently some kind of hostage. Though she isn't sure who is keeping her or why. 
> 
> In order to keep some kind of control and as a last ditch effort at precaution, Emma gives Ella as her name. Thus starting a new chapter of her life she couldn't even begin to think possible.

As her mind slowly started to regain consciousness, goosebumps formed on her body from the cold that surrounded her. Half-asleep, her fingers wandered along the rough fabric of her blankets, looking for the comforter that must have been pushed to the side.  Why was it so damn cold in the bedroom in the first place?  Did their heat go out at some point during the night?

“Keep moving, you’ll regret it.”

Her eyes snapped open, and she shot up.  She did, in fact, regret moving when pain went through her body and spots appeared in her vision.

She hissed, “Fuck me.”

“You’re not my type.”

She forced her eyes to focus in the direction of the voice, and saw a man sitting next to her on a stool.  He appeared to be wearing a dress, had a shaved head, and a huge scruffy looking beard.

“Who…”

Her voice wavered, as her eyes took in the rest of the area.  It was dim and gray.  Most importantly, it was _not_ her bedroom.  The walls were stone, and there was one thick wooden door with a small barred window.  The “bed” she was on, was a hard cot with a few blankets, made of some type of tan wool.  

The whole place was like something out of a medieval movie.  Something, she would see in Xena Warrior Princess.  Her brows furrowed.  Her eyes continuing to dart around the room, as though she might find the answer to what was happening hidden in the dank space.  

If she didn’t know better, she’d swear she’d been transported out of her world, or time.  But, that wasn’t possible.  This must be some bizarre movie set.  A movie set, run by people completely out of their minds.

She reached into her pocket and was unsurprised to find her cell gone.  Fear threatened to overcome her, and she gripped the blankets, trying to calm herself.  Panicking would do nothing, she needed to focus, to figure out what was going on.  Maybe, this was some big misunderstanding.

“I need to go to a hospital.  I’m sorry if I interrupted filming, but I’m hurt.  I need medical care.  If you’d just give me back my cell, I can call for help myself, or have my husband get me.  It’ll be less trouble if I…”

“Right, don’t know what you’re going on about, don’t care.  I have things to do besides sitting here listening to nonsense talk.  I’m no mother hen, shouldn’t even be dealing with this.  Here.”  He placed a small vial next to her on the bed, before standing.  “Drink that and don’t move much.  Ribs’ll heal in a few days; bruising will take longer.  You oughta be dead.  You and the other one.  So, consider yourself lucky.”

He started towards the door.  She heard jangling, then a click before the door swung open.  With a hiss, she stood as quickly as she could manage.  She must have bruised her right hip badly, as well as breaking her ribs, and was unable to move fast.  By the time she made it to the door, and looked out the bars, beard man was already almost out of sight.

“You can’t just…” the pain from her ribs at raising her voice made her voice falter, but she forced her way through it, “You can’t leave me here.  It isn’t legal.  I have a right to…”

The bearded man yelled back at her, his voice echoing off the stones, “Just drink the potion girl and stop talking.  You’ll make the ribs worse.”

The door to the dungeons shut with a thunk, and she let her forehead rest on the cold bars.  She felt her heartbeat race.  Her body was so tense it caused her to shake.  This kind of thing didn’t happen.  She had jogged that trail a million times and was always careful.  Now one mistake and she was some hostage.

The dungeon she was in was freezing.  She had not been dressed for this level of cold.  It had previously been kept at bay by the pain and confusion of what was happening.  Now, it started to permeate her bones, and make her ache more.

“Some healer he is.  You girl, you alright?”  The voice was female, strong and deep.  It came from one of the other cells, but she couldn’t pinpoint which one.

“I...I’m alive.  I guess that is something.”  She swallowed, “It’s freezing in here.”

She saw a face appear in the small barred window of the door across from hers.  The woman had freckles, a pixie haircut, deep red hair, and stunning violet eyes.  She’d never seen violet eyes before, but why not?  Something more to add to the growing list of weird shit.

“The broth tastes like piss, so no matter how cold you are, don’t drink it.  Blighters probably actually piss in it.  Names Ivy.  What’s yours and what do they have you for?”

“I’m…”  no not real names.  Ivy seemed kind, but she didn’t know the situation.  It would be best to make something up.  She needed to keep it simple.  Close to her real name. It had to be something she would be able to remember.  “Ella.  My name is Ella.  I don’t know why I’m here.  I remember… well, what I remember makes no sense.”

“Some big green glowy thing sound about right?”

“Yeah, you saw it too?”

“Yeah, seems some of it got on my hand.”  Ivy lifted her left hand to the bars, wiggling her fingers.  The palm glowed green.

“How is that possible?”

Ivy took her hand away from the bars, “No idea.  I…”

The door swung open cutting her off.  A group of soldiers came in, the clank of their armor echoing on the stone as they went to Ivy’s door.  They worked quickly, shackling her and bringing her to the middle of the dungeon's main room.  They made Ivy go down on her knees, then proceeded to make a wide circle; swords pointed at Ivy.

“Overkill much?”  Ivy turned to look at Ella watching through the bars and winked, “Don’t worry kid.  You kind of look like you could be my little sister.  I’ve always wanted a little sister.  When I get this mess cleared, I’ll get you out.”

Kid?  She knew she looked young, but honestly.  Ivy looked to be in her late 20s herself.  Kid was a bit extreme.  She kept her mouth shut, though.  Top priority was getting out of here.  If Ivy could do that, she could refer to Ella however her heart desired.

“Thanks.  Are you…”

The door swung open again, this time revealing two women.  One was tall and fully armored, with raven hair cut short around the front and sides, but the back braided and wrapped around the top.  The woman had pretty enough features.  The scar on her face added to her looks, instead of detracting from them.  The other woman was cloaked.  Ella could make out nothing of her.

She went ignored during their entire interrogation of Ivy.  The whole thing was bizarre.  She kept looking around for cameras, but could find none.  The only logical thing to think, at this point, was this wasn’t a movie, but that she had traveled to somewhere, or sometime, other than her own.  Which shouldn't be possible.  Perhaps, she was in some strange re-enactment, and all these people were insane.

Whatever the case, they took what they were doing seriously.  She learned that the raven haired woman was Cassandra and the cloaked one Leliana.   They spoke of something called the Conclave being destroyed and seemed very intent on Ivy’s hand, specifically the “mark” on it.  If she and Ivy were brought in together, as she expected, that meant they must think there was a possibility she was involved in this conclave’s destruction too.  That was something towards figuring out why they had her locked up.

After several minutes of interrogating, they led Ivy out of the dungeons.  Ella stood at the bars for only a moment, before turning and easing her way back to sitting on her bed.  The cold of the dungeon was now causing a sharp pain on her skin.  In addition, her ribs and hip still ached, adding to the biting pain of the cold.  Talking _had_ made the ribs worse.

Ella picked up the vial beard man had left for her.  Bringing it up to her face, she swirled the liquid around.  It seemed fairly thick and was an amber in color.  She popped off the cork, sniffing it.  It smelled like rotten apples, making her wrinkle her nose in disgust.  

It could be poison, but if they wanted to kill her, it seemed like there was no reason to do it so subtly when they could just slice her head off.  The pain in her ribs was bad enough, she decided it was worth the risk.  She tipped her head back, drinking the vial in one big gulp.  

Luckily, it had no flavor and was oddly warm.  She waited a moment, half expecting to keel over dead.  Instead, a hot tingling pulsed through her limbs.  It made her head feel heavy; the pain numbing within a matter of seconds.  

She eased down onto the cot, pulling the covers up to her chin.  The cold and pain felt distant now, and it wasn’t long before sleep took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed the second chapter! I'm still looking for a beta if anyone is interested ;)
> 
> Also, I swear our favorite elf is going to be making an appearance here soon.


	3. The First Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: That Time Solas Almost Got A Book Thrown At His Head
> 
> Ella has a vivid nightmare followed immediately by a dream about a random elf. Ella thought the oddly vivid dream was going to be the strangest part of her day, as was the case lately, she was wrong.

Ella walked alone through the jagged, frozen landscape.  There was a constant flurry of snowflakes falling around her.  This was a dream, she knew it was a dream, but it was more vivid than any dream she’d ever had.

The snowy path led to an area with crumbling ruins and jagged stone.  In the rocks, were veins of pulsing green light, tracing patterns like some intricately twisting work of art.  Occasionally, when she looked at the crumbled stone of the ruins, she swore she caught glimpses of what they used to be.  The effect turned her stomach.

As she continued forward, the area opened into, what must have been, a beautiful walkway once before.  Now, it was a horror show.  She stopped dead in her tracks, gaping at the area in front of her.

Some areas glowed with small flames, but what was most disturbing were the flames burning on corpses, seemingly frozen in the moment of death.  It reminded her of the stories of Pompeii.  People mummified by volcanic ash, their last moments forever written on their faces, mouths gaping wide in frozen screams.  Whatever did this, had the same effect, leaving the corpses for all to see.

It's a dream, a nightmare, nothing more.  

Taking a deep breath, she hopped off the small ledge, careful to watch her footing as she walked.  It might just be a nightmare, but it felt real enough that she had no desire to step on the bones scattered on the ground amongst the bits of stone.

As she neared the entrance to a stone hall of some kind, she heard crying.  Heart-wrenching sobs that made her stomach clench.  She turned, eyes scanning for the source, before landing on someone huddled in dark rags.  The person was kneeling, prone body folded and pulled close, as her form shook with sobs and fear.  

Ella started towards the figure, but as she neared something felt… wrong.  This was a nightmare, her nightmare, but whatever this crying thing was, it didn't feel like a part of her thoughts.  It felt foreign, and... cold.  

Without even realizing, she took one small step backward.  The figure let out a pleading wail that made her hair stand on end.  When the wail subsided, she heard sounds behind her, still faint but growing louder, the scraping of claws on stone and a sort of crackling as if from a large fire.

All the muscles in her body went tense, as she kept her eyes on the shrouded figure in front of her.  The form had gone still, as though waiting, and behind her she felt the noises approaching.  Her jaw trembled, and she gulped down her breaths.

Her mind seemed to have reverted to that of a child.  If she stayed still, stayed quiet, and didn’t look at whatever was coming, it wouldn’t notice her.  

The scraping and crackling sounds were even closer now.  The shrouded figure shifted, raising itself to glare at her revealing the hooded face.  Even with an expression twisted by rage, Ella knew that face.  It was not her, this was not the child she had known, it was not her.  Whatever this thing was her mind had conjured had no business taking that lovely child’s face.

As though it knew it had hit a chord, it let out a wail of triumph.  The sound pierced through Ella’s thoughts, snapping her out of it.  This thing would not take her.  She would not submit.

“No!” She screamed it, squeezing her eyes shut, as she used all the focus within her to make this stop.

She felt the heat nearer, at odds with the freezing cold she now felt in front of her, and then...nothing.

The area felt normal again, calm.  Still, it took her a moment to open her eyes, her body shaking and tense.  When she did open them, she was facing a tall bookshelf lined with old volumes.  At least, they were bound as old books once were, but their condition appeared to be excellent.  Not the old, worn leather she was used to seeing.

Ella’s mind reeled from the sudden change in location, so she focused on something that she knew; something that had always brought her comfort: the books.  She let her fingers trace along the bindings, as she skimmed the titles.  There wasn’t a single one she recognized, and it puzzled her.  How could her mind conjure up books she didn’t know?

Fully focused on her chosen distraction, her shaking had now stopped, and her muscles were slowly starting to loosen.  Her fingers paused on a volume titled Mages in Orlais, she traced its gold lettering, before removing the book.  As she opened it, and flipped through the pages, she became puzzled.  The book was full, and what was more, it appeared to be a work of nonfiction.  Her mind was certainly busy making strange things tonight.  What next?  Was a goblin going to break in?

A melodic, male voice spoke from behind her. “Hello.”

Ella swung around to face the voice.  Her heart thudded in her throat.  She held the book high, ready to throw it and run.  It wasn’t the best plan, but her options were limited.

The man in front of her was a head taller than her, with a clean shaven head and face.  His eyes were a piercing blue-gray that she swore were trying to dig into her very soul.  He glanced at the book, then back to her.  One copper brow raised a touch, the corners of his full lips curved upward, lending an inquisitive look to his angular face.  

The strangest feature were his ears, which were clearly elven.  Had she dreamed up a bald elf?  Honestly, she liked elves, but she always thought if she had a dream about one he would be more… Tolkienesque.  Probably with long, gorgeous, dark locks.  

Though, this one was handsome, in his way. His strong jaw line, and subtle cleft chin, lent a uniqueness to his attractiveness.  His voice was particularly beautiful.  Soothing, even.  At the very least, he didn’t seem a threat.  She didn’t get the same stomach churning wrongness from him she had felt from that... thing.

She lowered the book slowly, lifting her chin and taking a small step back, until she felt the bookcase behind her. “Who are you?”

“I too, am an explorer of the Fade.  I had not expected to meet another dreamer here.”

“The Fade?”

His brows knitted. “You do not know what I mean by the Fade?"

"Well..." she swayed from one foot to the other, glancing down.

"You do know what a dreamer is, do you not?”

Ella looked up at him again. “I'm guessing you don’t just mean someone who dreams?” The elf shook his head. “Then no.”

“What _do_ you know?  Do you know where you are?  How you got here?”

“I am in my dream.  I mean, I don’t specifically know where here is.  Apparently some kind of library, but not one I’ve been to.  As far as how I got here, I don’t--I mean, I’ve dreamed up places before that were imagined, but never in this kind of detail.  The books have writing, and you...”  She realized she was rambling, and her fingers clenched the book.  Her eyes wandered back to his ears.

“You keep staring at my ears.  Is there a problem?” His voice and tone were even, but she swore she could feel some sort of negative emotion coming from the elf.  It was strange, like a hint of something in the air, brushing against her mind before vanishing.

“Yes.  I mean no.  I’ve just never dreamed of an elf before, and they aren’t exactly wandering around in my everyday life for me to see in person, so--”

“Where are you from?”

This was starting to feel like an interrogation, and something nagged at the back of her mind.  A warning that she should tread carefully.  “If I wanted to be interrogated, I could find the opportunity easily enough while awake.”

With that, she forced herself awake.  Her eyes fluttering open to, the now familiar sight, of the dungeon ceiling.  She wrapped the covers around herself, and sat up on the cot, letting out an irritated sigh.  It would have been nice if that little trick had worked when she was having the nightmare with the monsters chasing her.  Perhaps, her mind had still been too raw.  

The face of the elf she’d just left in her dreams, came to her mind.  Why couldn’t she dream up a sweet elf?  Maybe, one that could take her to Rivendell or something fun, but no.  Her mind had to conjure some handsome, but difficult one.  What bothered her most about his interrogation was, that he had seemed so... real.  On top of that, he seemed to know far more about her dream than she did.  Could he be an actual person that somehow wiggled into her dream?

She picked at a loose bit of fluff on the blanket, before shaking her head and dismissing the idea.  People didn’t just prance about in each other's dreams; that was simply not possible.  On top of that, elves didn’t exist.  It could simply be she was so desperate for any real interaction, that her mind had done an exceptionally good job at conjuring up someone.

It had been four days since Ivy had left the dungeons.  Four days, with nothing but the occasional bowl of disgusting broth to keep her company.  This dream, this nightmare, she’d woken from was the first she had since being put in this place.  All she could think was the drink she’d been given somehow put her into a deep enough sleep that dreams had been prevented.  When the medicine stopped coming, she started sleeping like normal again.  

Well, normal in a sense.  Her dreams had never been that vivid before.  Even when she was a child and had vivid dreams, they were never like that.  She had never been able to have all her senses as aware as she had in this dream.  Ella swore she could still feel the leather of the books on her fingertips.

It didn’t matter, what mattered was that whatever this was now, it was no dream.  Her hair was a mess, she smelled rank, and if she saw one more bowl of that nasty broth, she might lose it.  The only plus side was that the herbal draft, the bearded man gave her, worked.  Her ribs still occasionally ached, but she was able to move again without severe pain, and she could breathe normally.

Hearing the outer door to the dungeons swing open, she expected to see another bowl of broth sliding through.  Instead, she heard keys click in her dungeon door.  

The man in the doorway was probably several inches taller than her.  He had curly blonde hair, regal features, stubble, and his eyes looked like he hadn’t slept soundly in months.  His armor was exquisite, with some type of fur over one shoulder.  Some kind of higher up, no doubt.

He took in the small space and then his eyes found her.  A deep frown curved his mouth, and he came forward to kneel near her so that he was eye-level.  He held something folded over one arm. 

“Maker’s breath.”  His eyes were a light brown and showed kindness when he looked at her, “I apologize we… no one informed me there was… we are no barbarians; you should have been better taken care of.  I am Commander Cullen.  I am here to escort you to the Herald.”

“The Herald? Who--” Her voice cracked from lack of use, and she cleared her throat.

He stood, holding out a hand to help her up.  “She was in here with you; she said you were a friend.”  

She stood without taking his hand, wrapping the blankets tighter around herself to keep out some of the cold.  He shook his head and unfolded what he had been carrying, revealing a fur-lined cloak.  

“Here.”  He placed it gently over her shoulders and clasped it, removing the blankets and tossing them onto the floor.  She thought about protesting, but he was careful to keep his distance, and it seemed rude to snap at someone who was so clearly just trying to be kind.

Pulling the hood of the cloak over her head and wrapping it tightly around herself, she followed him out.  She kept her head down, enough to keep it hidden but not so low that she was unable to see from beneath.

The guards watched them curiously as she was led out.  When the last door opened, and she stepped outside, she had to squeeze her eyes shut for a moment.  When she opened them again, they widened into awe.

This place was incredible.  White, thick snow covered tall mountains, making the whole area twinkle in the sunlight.  The settlement they were in seemed small, and the world beyond huge.  Never had she been somewhere so untouched by humanity.  It was amazing.  

Her eyes scanned, taking in her surroundings.  Over one of the mountains was the massive green tornado looking thing she remembered, though it seemed somehow calmer than before.  Even that seemed beautiful to her.  Deadly and strange perhaps, but beautiful.  

Cullen most have followed her eyes. “The Breach.  The Herald managed to calm it, but we still need to seal it.  We can not rest until that thing is gone.”

“The Breach?  Do you know what it is exactly?”

“I am told it is a tear in the veil.  An opening to the Fade that has caused other similar tears.  All I know is it needs to be sealed, and we need to stop more demons from coming and further tears from forming.”

Tears in the sky?  What was a veil?  The Fade?  Demons, like legit demons?  Where should she even start?  That thing must be the key to getting back home, but how?  

And if demons were coming out of it, that added a whole other level of complicated.  She didn’t even know where, or when, she was.  How would she--

Arms wrapped around her from behind, hugging her tight.  Her ribs throbbed in protest, and a groan escaped her lips.

“Oops, sorry about that.  Forgot your ribs got all messed up.  Also, no offense, but you smell like something that came out a druffalo’s ass.”  Ivy found Ella’s arm under the cloak and started to pull her off.  “Sorry, Commander.  I’ll bring your date back when she’s had a proper bath.”

“I was not…” he cleared his throat.

Ivy just laughed and kept going.  “He's so uptight, always business. It's fun to try and get him to loosen up a bit.  You should've seen him when I tried asking about celibacy among the Templars.”

Ella had no idea what a Templar was.  She added it to the miles-long list of things she had no clue about. “Ivy, thank you for getting me out.”

Ivy led her up a hill with a flattened top that housed three small lodgings.  She stopped at the top of the stairs, and turned to Ella. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t get you sooner.  I was knocked out for three days after trying to seal that big hole.  Turns out this thing on my hand is like a key, or something.  I’ll tell you more when you don’t smell like atrocious cheese. I’m going to get you some bath stuff.  Wait here.  ADAN!”  Ivy went storming into one of the lodgings, shutting the door behind her.

Ella heard the door to her right open a moment later, and turned towards it, eyes widening when she saw who walked out.  “ _You_!  How's that…”

The elf looked up, startled at her voice.  He immediately came forward, reaching up and pulling down her hood.  She drew away from his touch instantly, taking a few steps back.  

“We meet again. Hello.”

“How are you here, or how were you there?  This doesn’t make sense, I... you were in my head.”

“Interesting.  So you are honestly not aware of what you did?  What you are?” he tilted his head a notch.

He seemed to be looking at her like she was some new science experiment.  She was beginning to feel sure that she was the odd one out here, wherever here was, but that didn’t mean she wanted to be treated like some laboratory specimen.  As if this whole thing wasn’t confusing and unsettling enough.

Her eyes narrowed, and she squared her shoulders, forcing herself to maintain eye contact. “What _I_ did!? _You_ were in _my_ head.  As far as what I am, I’m just a woman.  Nothing else, just a woman.  So stop looking at me like I’m some puzzle to be solved.  I’m not.”

“I see you’ve met our elfy apostate.  Ella, Solas.  Solas, Ella.  Now, I’m taking her to bathe.  Ella, you can yell at him later if you still feel like it.”

She pulled the hood back over her head before tucking her hands in the warm folds of fur, “I wasn’t yelling, technically.”

“Herald.  May I ask, is this woman a friend of yours?  Where is she from?”

Ivy was already leading Ella away, practically pushing her.  “She’s my new little sister.  Always wanted one.  Brothers are overrated.  Convenient she even looks like me!”  

If Solas said anything in response, Ella couldn’t hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for all the love! Yes Solas is finally in the story, yay for elfy :D
> 
> Still wanting a beta if anyone is interested!
> 
> P.S. If you're interested there is a drawing I did to go with this chapter on my tumblr. http://solaslover.tumblr.com/


	4. The Cat Versus The Curtains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella was finally out of the dungeons. Even better, Ivy had a hot bath ready for her and Ella was looking forward to being clean and a moments peace. Unfortunately, she should have known better than to expect an uneventful bath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty goofy but I had a lot of fun writing it. Especially giving Ella and Ivy some more quality time. Hope you all enjoy :D

Ivy pushed Ella into a small lodge.  As Ella entered, a comforting warmth went to work, thawing out her fingers and face. The lodge itself, consisted of an entry, with a large archway leading into the main room, that was both bedroom and living area.  

It was like the medieval version of a studio apartment.  The furniture was simple.  There was a bookshelf and a small desk with papers scattered haphazardly on it.  The bed was a twin, topped with a nicer version of the wool blankets she’d had in the dungeons.  It was pushed against the far wall, with a chest at the end engraved with hunting scenes.  That, plus the furs on the walls, told Ella this was likely used more as a hunting lodge than a permanent residence.

Near the center of the room, an elf was pouring a bucket of water into a large copper bath.  When the elf finished, she set the bucket down next to the tub, and bowed at Ivy before scurrying out.  Ella supposed it was a good sign that the sight of an elf no longer sent a little bolt of shock into her brain.  

“Do people always do that to you?”

Ivy went over and dumped the contents of the pouch into the water, stirring with her hand, “Do what?”

“Bow.”

“You mean people don’t do that to you where you're from?  They don’t bow to all the redheads?  We are a rare and sacred breed, you know.”

Ella raised an eyebrow.

Ivy smirked, “It started when I came back from the Breach and they decided to start calling me the Herald.  The whole thing is ridiculous if you ask me, but it saved both our necks from the noose so…”  Ivy shrugged, shaking droplets of water from her fingers.  “Alright, water’s ready to go.” taking off her boots, Ivy flopped onto the bed grabbing a book that had been resting nearby.  

Ella turned from Ivy to the tub.  She noticed there were markings etched into the sides, bending down she ran a finger along them.  The markings were engraved into the copper.  As her fingertips traced the edges, she felt a strange pulsing heat.

“You’ve never seen runes on a tub?”  Ella pulled her fingers back quickly.  She glanced over her shoulder to see Ivy propped on the bed watching her, lips curved into that constant smile of hers.  

Ella had always been a crappy liar.  It would be best to stick as close to the truth as possible, omit instead of outright lie, “I was raised sheltered.  So no, I’ve never seen them.  Do they do something?  They feel strange.”

“They are enchantments to keep the water hot.  See how it’s still steaming?  You’d never get that just pouring the water in, especially not here in this freezing wasteland.”

Ella stood still eyeing the runes, “That’s fascinating.”

Ivy laughed, “Get in, you’re gonna stink up the place if you don’t get washed up soon.”

Now that she had feeling in her fingers again, she unclasped the cloak and slid it off, laying it neatly on the small desk chair.  When she unzipped her hoodie and took it off.  She paused a moment looking at it, the cloth frayed and dirty.  Her wearing it for days in a dungeon had not done it any good.  Her chest clenched slightly at the thought that it was now ruined.  The hoodie had been a gift from her husband when she’d started jogging.  He’d said the sky blue material had reminded him of her eyes.  

When she did lay the hoodie on the chair, she let her fingers brush over the familiar cotton, smoothing out the material.  It was strange, how such a little thing could now mean so much to her.  Since she didn’t wear jewelry, including her rings, when she jogged the hoodie was all she had of him right now.

With a small shake of her head, she went back to the task at hand.  She peeled off the rest of her jogging clothes and underwear, letting those fall to a pile on the floor.   When she was undressed, she went to the tub and stuck one foot in the water.  The temperature was perfect.  She stepped in, sinking into the water up to her neck and resting her head back on the tub’s edge.  As the water unraveled her knotted muscles, she let out a sigh.

Whatever herbs Ivy had put in the water smelled similar to rose and lavender, with maybe a hint of a vanilla.  She closed her eyes, her nostrils flaring as steam engulfed her.  There was a soft tug on her hair; water splashed onto the wood floor as Ella jerked in surprise.  

Ivy just laughed, “Relax.  You’re my little sis now.  Let me comb the tangles out.  Your hair’s a mess.”

“My hair is always a mess.”  Ella relaxed again, moving her fingers to trace little circles on the surface of the water.

Ivy took out Ella’s hair tie and let her fingers fan the waist length mess of tangles so they cascaded over the back of the tub.  She wrapped her fingers in the curls, brushing them out at the ends first and working her way up.  It was soothing and Ella felt herself start to doze off a couple of times.  Too soon she felt a gentle tap on the top of her head.

“All done.  Dunk your head.”  

Ella dipped her head under for long enough to be sure all her hair was wet.  When she surfaced again, she pushed off a few wet strands that clung to her cheeks.  She was starting to feel human again.

“Here is some soap.  It works great on hair too.”  Ivy handed her a small green bar that smelled very similar to the bath herbs.  Ella heard the bed creak as Ivy plopped down on it again.

The more prominent appearance of Ella’s freckles serving as a sign of just how grimy she'd been.  Ivy spoke again as Ella was washing the last of the soap off her arms.  “So, you seemed to know Solas.  Did he heal you too?”

Solas.  Ella felt anger boil in her blood again at the mention of him.  That he would look at her like she was some puzzle to be put together instead of a person, it grated on her.  He had come into her mind how much more personal could you get.  The least he could have done is look at her like she was more than a thing to be figured out.  

All the fear and confusion she felt was being redirected towards Solas.  She knew this, and she knew it was unfair yet… it was easier to deal with than the rest right now.

Ivy let out a cry, piercing into Ella’s thoughts and bringing her back to the room.  

The curtain near one of the back windows was in flames.  Ivy ran over, grabbed the bucket the elf had left, and filled it with some of the bath water.  She tossed the water at the curtains, putting out the flames.  Her wide violet eyes staring at the swirling smoke.

The front door swung open and in ran Cullen, what appeared to be a very hairy-chested dwarf, and lastly Solas.  The curtains near the front door, where they came in, crackled before also being engulfed in flames.  

The three men jumped away from them.  Cullen and the dwarf cursing in unison.  Ivy grabbed the bucket, filling it again, and ran to douse the flames.  “Why does that keep happening?  And what’re you all doing in here?”

“We were nearby, Herald, and heard your…”

“Curly means they were loitering outside your door.  I just happened by and was trying to figure out what these two were up to.”

Solas spoke in a flat tone, “I was not loitering.”

“I’d wanted to check on the…”

At that moment, Cullen’s eyes landed on Ella still in the bath.  His face turned beet red, and he cleared his throat.  His eyes went to the ceiling, and he shuffled his feet.  Ella’s face turned a matching red as she pulled her arms tighter around her, knees blocking her form as best she could.

Ivy eyed the curtains thinking and then glanced at Solas.  “Solas while I have you here, my lodging is a bit smaller than yours.  I thought we might be able to fit another bed in yours.  Ella could stay with you.”

“No.” as Ella spoke, a third set of curtains burst into flame.  Ivy grabbed the bucket, filled it, and tossed the water on those curtains too; the woman was grinning.

“I guessed as much.  This is your fault, Solas.”

“Excuse me?”

“Every time I bring you up she lights the curtains on fire.”

Ella went from red to pale in five seconds, “What?  I am  _not_ lighting the curtains on fire!  I don’t have magic.  I--”

“The curtains say otherwise.” Ivy shook her head, a smile still on her face.  “Maybe you didn’t before.  Maybe, the Breach did it to you, like it gave me this.” she lifted the offending hand, wiggling her fingers,  “Who knows, point is, you have magic now.”

Cullen was still red and looking awkwardly at the wall, “If she is a mage we should send her to the Templars.  Especially if--”

"If I may." Solas’ expression was still a mask of calm, "The Templar's are not the safest group to be with at the moment."

"I understand that with the mages rebelling it is--"

“Enough.  She needs to finish her bath and get dressed.  We can figure out what to do after.  For now, all of you out.”

“Right, yes.”  Cullen looked hugely relieved and practically ran out the door.

The dwarf chuckled, “Never boring here is it?”

Solas glanced at Ella and then back to Ivy, his expression still unreadable, “I will leave.  If I--”

“Come on, Chuckles.” The dwarf grabbed Solas’ arm pulling him out, “I’m sure they’ll talk to us tonight.  For now, if you want to keep your ass from catching fire, I’d suggest we leave.”  The dwarf gave the girls a wink before closing the door firmly behind Solas and himself.


	5. Meeting the Story-teller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella finds herself in a tavern surrounded by people out of a fantasy novel. People who are wary of her and look at her like she is the odd one, the dangerous one. She begins to feel the weight of it and believe that the only truly kind face she will see until she can get home is Ivy's. That is until Ivy introduces her to a dwarf with chest hair so impressive it deserves a reward of some kind.

Ella clutched the hems of the overly long sleeves in her fists, attempting to still the shaking of her hands.  If someone had told her a few days ago that she would be sitting in a tavern with an elf mage and three warriors, she would have suggested they make a movie and put that imagination to good use.  Yet here she was, sitting at a tavern table with those very people, in borrowed clothing made for someone a head taller than herself.

“I will trust your decision, Herald, but I will not pretend I do not feel concern.”  The woman who spoke was the very one who had led the interrogation of Ivy in the dungeons.  Cassandra was even more intimidating in person, and Ella made a mental note to try to stay on her good side.  Though, she obviously had a bit of a rough start already.

“I get that, Cassandra. I will personally vouch for her.”  Ivy leaned forward, hands clasped in front of her on the table, “She doesn’t remember what happened, same as me.  What's more, she doesn’t remember how she got there or anything from before.”

Ella had to school her features, but her eyes darted to Ivy before she caught herself.  

Cassandra shook her head, “Even if she did not hide her abilities purposefully, she is still a risk.  From what I heard, she almost lit your lodging on fire.”  

“I’m confident she will do what we ask.  Cullen can watch her.  If he suspects she is truly a danger, he will do what needs to be done.  I doubt she has any combat experience, so she should have some training.  At least, how to dodge and run if the need arises.  I’m thinking some of Leliana’s people would be best for the job.”  Ivy leaned back in the chair, “As far as her magic abilities, Solas can train her.”

Ella bit her lip to hold back her opposition; whatever happened, it was temporary.  She just had to stay alive long enough to figure out a way back through the Breach to home.  If that meant putting up with infuriatingly polite elven mages who saw her as an interesting experiment, so be it.

“I am able to make the time for that.  If my experience can help, I am happy to do so.  However, given her apparent aversion to me, would she not do better with a different mage?”  

Ella’s eyebrows raised.  She looked at the elf for the first time since they’d entered the tavern.  He was watching her, eyes piercing, waiting for her reaction.  A test then, and here she thought she might have judged too harshly.

She narrowed her eyes, her jaw twitching ever so slightly, “No, it's fine. I’ll train with you.”

“Then it is done.” he gave a nod, pushing his chair back and standing, “I believe I am no longer needed here.”  He pushed in the chair he’d been sitting in, pausing behind it and looking at Ella.  His face was a polite mask, completely unreadable, and it made her neck itch.  “When you are done here, I would have a word.” Without waiting for a response, he left and Ella watched him go, eyes still narrowed.  

Cullen cleared his throat and shifted in his seat.  The man had been unable to look at her since the whole bath incident.  It was oddly endearing, having such a strong leader be so significantly thrown by something so simple.  

“With the rebellion," he paused for a moment as though thinking of the words.  When he spoke again the rest came out in a rush. "There are no ideal options here.  I agree to your plan.  I’ll keep an eye on her.  If it comes to it, I’ll do what must be done.”

Though they hadn’t gone into detail about this, she imagined she could safely say this meant if this new “gift” of hers became out of hand, she’d be killed.  A lovely thought.  

She swallowed, “Thank you.”

Cassandra let out a puff of air before standing and rolling her shoulders.  “It is decided then.  Cullen let us discuss this matter further.  I will let Leliana know the situation and see if she can spare anyone for training.”

“Agreed.”  Cullen stood, “Herald.  Uh…”

Ella smiled at him, “Ella is fine, Commander.”

He nodded, “Ella.”  Cassandra was already out the door, but he paused for a moment before leaving, turning back to look at them, “You may call me Cullen, if you wish.”

As soon as the door closed behind them, Ivy motioned to the woman behind the bar, “Thank goodness that business is over.  Take a breath.  You survived the worst of it.  Now it’s just training, sealing the Breach, closing rifts,and killing all the baddies.  Easy.”

Ivy gave the woman an order for three pints and three bowls of stew.  When she finished, she gave Ella a solid pat on the back before standing, “Be right back, gonna grab someone.”

It hadn’t dawned on her how much she’d already come to lean on Ivy’s presence until she found herself alone in the tavern.  Her eyes darted around the room avoiding curious stares sent her way.  Finally, she settled on trying to pull a loose thread of cloth from one of her sleeves.  Which then made her notice another loose strand, and so it went.  

There was a thud, as bowls and mugs were set on the table, bringing her back from her intent thread pulling.  It was probably a good thing.  If she kept it up much more, she likely would have pulled the whole top to shreds.  

Her stomach growled, as her nostrils flared from the smell of the soup.  She picked up her spoon and moved it through the liquid.  Whatever this world was, they had vegetables she recognized.  There were carrots, potatoes, onions, celery, and something that looked like barley.  There was also meat.  

It was inevitable.  She should have expected it, still… when was the last time she’d had meat?  Three years, four?  Logically, she knew it was different here.  There were no factory farms; people hunted for what they ate.  There were no supermarkets, with an abundance of other protein sources.  All that logic still didn’t make it any easier to wrap her head around eating meat again.

“Problem with the stew?  Don’t tell me they put turnips in it.  I hate turnips.”  Ivy plopped down in the chair next to Ella, eyeing the stew with narrowed eyes.

“So, this is whose got Cassandra all twitchy again?”  Ella looked across the table to see the dwarf from earlier taking a seat across from her.  He had strawberry blonde hair and brown eyes that twinkled with amusement.  The chest hair was even more impressive now that he was closer.

“When is Cassandra not twitchy?” Ivy spoke around a mouthful of stew before reaching for her pint and taking a big swig.

“True enough, Spiker.”  Varric seemed less interested in the stew than in Ella.  Though his eyes did probe her, they didn’t hold that detached scientist look Solas had.  Instead, his look reminded her of someone who had just stumbled upon an interesting new book.  “What’s your story?”

Ella shifted, picked up her spoon again, and tried to get up the stomach to take a bite.  “I... it's complicated.”

Ivy slammed down her pint, smacking her lips before speaking, “She means she doesn’t want to talk about it.  I told the others she didn’t remember.  So, storyteller, I was hoping you’d give us some expert advice.”

“Story-teller?”

“Oh right sorry, never did properly introduce you two did I?  This is Varric Tethras.”

Ivy said it like Ella should know the name.  Ella looked from one to the other, still a bit puzzled.

“Wait, wait,” Ivy's eyebrows raised so high, Ella was surprised they didn't touch her hairline.  “You’ve never heard of Varric Tethras?  Hard in Hightown or The Tale of the Champion, the story of the Champion of Kirkwall?”

Ella looked down at the stew, swallowing, “I’m afraid not…”  She was obviously going to have to find a library or something to study up on this place if she had any hope of not sticking out like a sore thumb.

“You’ve found an interesting one here, Spiker.”  Varric rubbed his chin, thinking, “Memory loss will only work for a while.  Give me some time.  I’ll come up with something for you.”

Ella cocked her head to the side, “You aren’t going to ask why?”

“Nope.  We’ve all got a right to keep our pasts in the past.  I’m guessing you have a good reason.”  He took a bite of stew.

She took a deep breath.  She lifted up a spoonful of her stew and quickly put it in her mouth.  The texture of the meat felt odd on her tongue and she was happy it was chopped small.  At least, she doesn't have to start with a hunk of it.  She forced herself to swallow, unable to avoid a slight grimace as the meat went down her throat.  Baby steps, she had to eat, and it was only temporary.

Ella glanced up and saw Varric watching her.  His eyes were not unkind, but she knew he caught the grimace, so she redirected the conversation, “Will you tell me about this Champion of Kirkwall?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

Varric laughed, deep and hearty, the kind of laugh that warms up a room. “That’s a long story, kid.”

“I’ve got time.”

“Alright…”  

The hours passed by unnoticed, as Varric weaved the story of the Champion of Kirkwall.  Varric was an amazing storyteller, and Ella was completely entranced.  So much so, that she managed to eat most of the stew without even realizing it; too distracted to be bothered by the meat.  

She swore she could hear the sounds of battles, see Varric and the other companions, and feel the anguish of Anders’ betrayal.  Ella regularly asked questions, and Varric was good natured with the interruptions.  He answered them all with patience and a hint of amusement.  

When he finished she was on the edge of her seat, her upper body leaning towards him, so she was practically half on the table.  The bowls had been removed, and Ella’s ale sat untouched, while the other two were on their second drinks.

Ella brought a hand up and brushed her pointer finger along her bottom lip, before she bit her knuckle for a moment in thought, “Ok, you say that the Enchanter guy, Orsino, turned himself into a giant monster made of corpses.  Does… does that kind of thing happen a lot?  How did he do it and why?”

Varric raised an eyebrow, shaking his head, “Do I look like an expert on magical weirdness to you?”

“I don’t know.  I haven’t had a lot of contact with experts in 'magical weirdness.'”

Ivy laughed, hiccuping as she put down her now empty pint, “Solas would probably be the closest one to an expert on that here.”

Ella frowned, and Varric chuckled before speaking, “I can’t tell you how.  As far as why, all I can say is he was desperate.  You ask a lot of questions, Kitten.”

“Kitten?”

“It fits you.  I’ve got the eyes of a storyteller.  It’s a gift.”

Ella opened her mouth to reply, but Ivy beat her to it, “It’s late.  Solas wanted to talk to you.  He's probably starting to think you're avoiding it.”

Ella sighed, standing, “Let’s get it over with.”

“Oh, I’m not going.  Solas asked for you, not me.  I’ve got to put Varric back in his place after our last game of Wicked Grace.”

“I wasn’t aware we were making a running competition of it, Spiker.”

“Competitions make everything more fun.”  Ivy winked and produced a stack of cards from the small pouch she carried,  “Good luck, Sissy.  Come back here when you’re done.  I managed to get you a room to yourself upstairs.”

“Alright, thanks.”  With a wave, she left the two laughing companions to their game and clasped her cloak, steeling herself for the cold and the encounter with her new teacher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy Varric got a part in this chapter. I love writing that dwarf. 
> 
> Quick question do you all like the chapter lengths shorter like this or would you like longer? I could combine some but I've been keeping them short for people who read on phones or prefer short spurts of writing. If you have a preference either way let me know!
> 
> P.S. For those of you who have been waiting Solas' first POV chapter will be next. :D


	6. Solas - First Lesson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girl that dropped so unexpectedly into his already complicated situation is a true enigma. Either she is a great liar, and potentially dangerous foe, or she truly does not know what she is. If she is telling the truth, if she really has no idea what a dreamer is or what the Fade is... Solas is unsure what to make of that. For now he will teach her, as promised, while he attempts to try and find the truth behind this strange new, and rather willful, addition to Haven.

Solas frowned down at the book, the fingers of his left hand making hollow sounds as he drummed them against his desk.  It had been hours since he had left the tavern.  Was it possible that she was being willful and refusing to come?  The girl certainly seemed to have a negative opinion of him.  She did not bother to hide it.

With an irritated sigh, he snapped the book shut and stood.  His eyes wandered the room, looking for something to do.  The space was meticulous; everything had its place.  The only area that looked messy, was his desk.  Across its surface, parchment was strewn about with books, ink and quill, and some journals for note taking.  To anyone else, it would look a jumbled mess, but he knew each paper and each book.

Since he could think of nothing that needed organized or cleaned, he settled to pacing about the small room, hands clasped behind his back.  The girl was an enigma, an unknown that had seemingly popped up out of nowhere.  

He recalled the look on her face in the Fade, her eyes wide with fear, and that book lifted high as though she would vanquish him with it.  The clothing she had been wearing, the same clothing he caught glimpses of under her cloak the first time he saw her in person, was a style unlike any he had ever seen.  

The girl was a Dreamer, a rare enough thing, but in addition to this, she appeared to have no idea what that even was; let alone that this is what _she_ was.  The fact that she had seemingly manifested these previously dormant abilities, just added to her mystery.  Solas was unsure if her ignorance was feigned.  If so, she was a dangerously good actress.

Whatever the case, the Herald had placed him in the perfect position to puzzle her out.  It was essential that he find out if she was a threat or not.  So much was at stake now; he could ill afford any further mistakes.  He would be careful not to underestimate another again.

A firm knock broke his thoughts.  Good, he had started to worry he might have to go in search of her.  He counted down from ten before moving to open the door.  The cold air crept its way into the room, the sconce’s flame nearest the entrance sputtering in protest. The girl reached up, pulling the hood of her cloak down.  Her auburn hair, braided and pulled into a bun, had come loose in various spots around her face, the small curls giving her a disheveled look.

“Are you going to invite me in, or would you rather talk outside?”  It was an innocent enough question to someone not paying attention, but he saw the challenge in her blue eyes.  She was testing him, subtly prodding to see if he had anything to hide.

Solas was neither young nor naive; he would not keep anything here that he did not want seen.  He took a step back, opening the door wider, and motioned her inside with a polite smile on his lips. “Come in.”

The space was small enough that she almost brushed against him as she entered.  She smelled of vanilla, lavender, and rose.  A marked improvement from the stench of before.  She stopped in the first area of the little lodging, her eyes looking over the tables in the entrance, all stacked with various vegetables and plants.

Solas shut the door, turning to her. “I see the Herald found you clothing.”

“Yes.  Well, being in a dungeon for days made my clothing a bit dirty.  It would’ve been pointless to get clean only to put them on again.”  The girl picked up some elfroot, rubbing one of the leaves between her fingers before setting it down.  She ran her hand searchingly over some of the other items.

“The clothing you wore was unique.  I have not seen its like before. Is that style common where you are from?”

She pulled her hand back, eyes glancing at him, before she moved into the main part of the room.  “If you wanted me to come so you could discuss fashion with me, I’d just as soon get some sleep.  It’s been a long day. I’m tired.”

Solas debated if he wanted to confront her evasion, but decided to leave it, making a mental note instead.  “No.  I wished to speak with you for a different reason.  You did not have wards set when I encountered you in the Fade.  That is dangerous.”

There was a pause, and she kept her face turned from him so he could not read her.  He moved so he would be in front of her again.  She attempted to keep her voice controlled, but he caught the undertone of uncertainty as she spoke. “I’ve never set wards before.”

“Surely you are mistaken.  Perhaps it is one of the things you _forgot_?" He paused a beat, "Do you remember anything about the Fade?  How it works?  What you are able to do there?”

“I… no.”

He pulled out his desk chair, turning it to face the bed and motioned to it.  “Sit.”  She hesitated for a moment before sitting, hands clasped in her lap, back straight, and cloak drawn.  He took a seat across from her.

“The Fade, is it…” She paused, her eyes looking down.  He could almost see her mind working through some inner debate.  When she spoke again, it was clear curiosity had won. “Is it what you call dreaming?”

“Yes and no.”  

She waited for him to continue.  When he didn’t, she shifted in her seat, her hands clasping and unclasping once before she let out a rush of air, floodgates opening. “That is infuriatingly vague of you.  What is it then?  Is it in my mind or something else?  How were you there and able to talk to me?  And does it work that way for everyone or are you different?  Is magic...”

The corner of his mouth twitched as he tried to suppress a chuckle, but as the questions continued to pour out, he could no longer restrain it.  He watched, as her brightened eyes returned to being guarded, narrowing at him in response.  She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest.

“The purpose is for you to teach me, isn’t it?  I didn’t come here to be made fun of.”

The smile left his face, and he shook his head. “You think I’m mocking you.  This age has made people cynical.  I find your interest... enjoyable.  I do not often have the chance to discuss the Fade with others.  There are not many who take much interest in it.”

She eyed him, as though trying to decide if he was sincere.  After a moment she relaxed, the stiffness releasing from her shoulders, and he continued.

“The Fade is complex.  Much of it is unknown.  I will share with you what I know, but not all tonight.  But I will tell you this: you are unique.  They call people like you dreamers, or somniari, depending on who you are talking to.  Most are not lucid while in the Fade.  The ability to be lucid is a rare one.  It also puts you at risk.”

The girl uncrossed her arms, hands gripping the sides of the chair so tightly her knuckles went white. “At risk from what?”

“Demons.  You will need to set wards to protect yourself from those that may wish you harm.”

Solas watched her fists clench in silence before she spoke again. “What do these demons look like?”

“They can take many forms.”  Solas cocked his head to the side leaning forward. “Do you believe you have encountered one?”

“Maybe.  I’m not sure.  I heard sounds behind me and there was---” her eyes darted up to him for a moment before going back to her hands. “It’s hard to explain, but I thought it was just a nightmare.”

“A fair assumption, if overly simplistic.”  Seeing her brows furrow, he added, “It is likely what most would think.  Your encounter demonstrates the importance of using precautions.”

“Based on your knowledge,” she glanced down, long lashes hiding her eyes as she thought, “May I assume you’re a Dreamer also?”

“That is correct.  I would suggest you keep quiet regarding your ability, for now.  You are an unknown.  A potential threat.  It would be unwise to give cause for other concerns.”

She brought a hand up to her forehead. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“It is late, and it has been a long day.  Tonight I will set the wards for you.”

Her eyes snapped up to watch him as he stood. “But I have so many questions.  There are--”

“I promise I will answer all I can, at another time.  You did not arrive until much later than I had hoped.  We should both rest.”

He moved to the door, waiting for her to follow.  As they walked out, he locked the door, before turning back to her.  She stood, her hood still down, face turned towards the Breach.  The moon made her pale skin glow, bringing out the dusting of freckles over her nose.  She glanced over at him, though she still seemed far off in whatever thoughts she was having.

“Are you staying with the Herald, or have they found you other accommodations?”

That seemed to bring her back completely, and she started forward.  “Ivy said that she got me a room in the tavern.”

The Singing Maiden was only a short distance away.  As they walked, the only sound was the soft crunching of snow under their feet.  When they arrived, it was empty save for a few men, most of whom had their heads resting on whichever table they were sitting at, snoring in a strange chorus.

Solas waited as the girl spoke to Flissa in hushed tones.  After a moment, Flissa started up the stairs.  The girl motioned him to follow as she went.  Flissa led them to the back of the upstairs hall, unlocking the last door and swinging it open.

The woman noticed Solas for the first time then, and a frown came over her thin lips.  “Pardon me saying, but this room’s bed isn’t really made for two people.  If I’d known you’d have--”

“It’s not like that!” The girl snapped at Flissa, throwing a glance back at Solas.  “He’s not staying, he’s just… helping me with something.”  She motioned for Solas to enter the room.  He stepped past the two women, picking out spots to set up wards.

“Forgive me miss, for thinking you were having relations with a knife-ear.  I apologize for the insult,” Flissa said to the girl quietly from the door.

“A knife-ear?  You mean an elf?  Why would it matter if he’s an elf?  I assure you, the shape of his ears has nothing to do with why I was insulted.  I’m insulted that it would be the first thing assumed by someone who should know better than to read into things that aren’t even their business to begin with.”  

The girl’s tone was biting and not what he would have expected.  Even in the girl’s earlier irritation, the coldness he now heard in her voice hadn’t made any appearance. Interesting.

“I… excuse me,”  Flissa said, stomping like an irritated child as she headed down the hall.  The girl just shook her head, before leaning against the wall inside the door.

She watched in silence as Solas cast one ward after the other.  It took about fifteen minutes before the ritual was complete.  “It is done.”

“It’s that simple to do?”

His mouth curved up slightly on one side. “Yes.  It will take longer the first few times you do it yourself, but you will learn.”

“The ones I saw looked like--” her attention had been drawn to something on the bed.  He watched, head tilted slightly, as she reached out and ran her fingers along something light blue that had been folded on top of her blankets.  

It was as though she had forgotten he was there entirely.  She reached down and lifted the item reverently.  It appeared to be the blue top she had been wearing the first day.  It was curious that she would treat it with such importance.

Solas’ fingers absently rose to touch the wolf jaw he carried around his neck.  When he realized what he was doing, he dropped his hand quickly, clearing his throat.

She seemed to wince, pulling the item close to her chest.  When she spoke again her voice was flat. “I’m sorry. I--I'm tired.”

“Good night,” he replied simply, shutting the door behind him.

Flissa shot him a dirty look from behind the bar as he got to the first floor.  He gave her a smile and a wave good night, earning him a deeper frown.  As he walked out of the Singing Maiden and through the snow, he hardly felt the cold against his skin.  

The girl continued to interest him.  She _was_ a mystery.  Between her, the Herald, and forming a new plan, he would not want for things to keep his mind occupied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed the first Solas POV chapter :D. Don't be shy about letting me know what you liked and didn't like. All of that helps greatly in me improving the story and my writing. 
> 
> Chapters updates are getting moved to Friday nights now just a heads up. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	7. The Cat's First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella's first full day of freedom becomes a rather long list of tasks. If her first task of the day is any indication of the rest of it, it's gonna be a long one.

Ella curled and uncurled her toes a few times to try to get the blood flowing.  It was honestly surprising they hadn’t snapped off from being frozen solid, given how they felt through her tennis shoes.  She would need to talk to Ivy about getting some boots if she was going to try and make it to the Breach.  

She flexed her fingers, her eyes wandering to look at the gaping hole still present over the mountains.  It looked, at least, a couple of miles away.  It wasn’t as though she hadn’t hiked further, but this area was unknown to her, and the mountains looked like they’d be treacherous in the best conditions.  When you added in the constant blizzard conditions, and the threat of unknown dangerous creatures, hiking it alone would be a challenge.

“Focus.” Solas’ voice shot through her, catching her attention.

Ella shuffled her feet, “I am focused.” Solas leaned on his staff and raised one eyebrow.  Ella glared at him for a moment before letting out a sigh and rubbing the back of her neck.  “Ok, fine.  I was focusing, but we’ve been out here for hours.  I’m so cold I can’t feel my ears anymore.”  She eyed him, looking at his shiny head and delicately pointed ears, “How are you not cold?”

He moved closer to her, “There is a spell that helps keep cold at bay.  To an extent.  It is complex.  You will be able to learn it, after a time.  First, you must show control over simpler spells.  We would not want you accidently catching yourself on fire.”  

Was that a hint at a joke she heard from him?  Is it possible Mr. Reserved might have a sense of humor?  “I do prefer not being extra crispy.”  She paused, a slow smile curving her lips, “Have you ever caught yourself on fire?”

“We were all young, once.”

“Oh, I would like to hear that story.”

Solas’ hand reached towards her, stopping a few inches short.  Soon a warmth settled on her skin like a soft caress, and she couldn’t help the little shiver of pleasure as feeling started to come back to her fingers and toes.  It was like running your hand under a warm faucet after being out in the cold, absolutely lovely.  There was something else to it too.  A sensation that was new to her, but sent a tingle of pleasure up his spine.  

He glanced down at his hand, brows furrowing a hint before his face went neutral again.  

She eyed him, "Something wrong."

He gave the smallest shake of his head before saying, "No, it is nothing.  Now.  Focus.  Feel the world around you.  You have a strong connection with the Fade.  Pull on that.  Channel that energy.  Let yourself open to it, but do not let it control you.”

“You keep repeating things like that, but you do realize I have no idea what you actually mean?”

“That is because you are not---”

“Don’t even.  I’m trying.  Maybe, that thing before was a fluke.  Maybe, I’m just---”

Ella heard it before she saw it.  A crackle in the air, followed by a noticeable chill.  While she had been speaking she’d paced a bit away from him, now swinging around, she saw a shard of ice headed right for her face.  

Ella lifted her hand and felt an inner pull, a whisper of something at the back of her mind begging to be let out.  The whisper was soon accompanied by a throbbing sensation that hit her nerves and flowed up her arm.  When it got to her hand, it was almost like a string being pulled from her.  A blast of fire flew from her palm and hit the ice melting it instantly.  The blast was powerful enough it continued towards Solas, who quickly threw up a barrier, dissipating the fire.

“What the hell!?  Are you mental?”

“I had a theory.  It seems I was correct.”  Solas looked completely unfazed.

“You had a---”  She shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest, “And if your theory had been wrong?”

“You would have been injured.  Nothing that I would not have been able to heal.”

Ella glared at him before shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath, counting down to ten. “In the future can we go over other options before trying to maim me?”

Solas’ mouth twitched before he spoke, “My hope is that that method will no longer be needed.  Do you remember what you felt?”

Ella looked down, pushing a loose curl behind her ear.  “Yes.  I believe so.  It was... like a whisper.  All my nerves woke up.  Is it like that for everyone?”

“Much of it is dependent on the person.  Now, try again.  This time, focus on what you felt.  Think about what you want to accomplish.  Though you are a vessel for the magic, you must be more.  Master it.  Do not let it overpower you.  It should be a trickle, not a gush.”

A couple of hours, and one burned down tree later, Ella had managed to throw up a shaky barrier.  It didn’t hold up very long, but it seemed enough to satisfy Solas for the day.  There were little beads of sweat on her forehead, and she tipped her head back, closing her eyes briefly.  

It had never occurred to her that magic use could be so draining.  She felt as though she had just had a particularly intense workout, both mentally and physically.  All her nerves still seemed to buzz from the magic that had flowed through her.

“You did well.” there was a satisfied smile curving his lips, and her stomach fluttered, a blush making its way to her cheeks.  

Quickly, she turned her face from him. “I hardly did anything.  We were out here for hours.”

Ella heard the soft crunch of snow as he walked over to stand next to her.  “Do not avoid credit where it is due.  You have done well for your first day.  You will improve.  Our main concern with you is control.  You are inexperienced, but your strong connection to the Fade gives your abilities strength.  You risk danger to yourself and allies.”  

She heard him shift and glanced over.  Solas was looking up at the sky as he spoke, “We should get back.”

They walked in silence for most of the way, but as the gates of Haven came into view, she heard Solas’ voice next to her.  “Earlier you said something, ‘what the hell.’  I have not heard that before.  Is it a curse of some kind where you are from?”

“That would be an astute assumption for you to make, given that you had just tried to impale me with ice.”  

Solas chuckled, and she glanced over, seeing him start to open his mouth for another question.  There was no way she could easily explain that curse without giving away her true origins, or giving him enough he’d figure it out.  In the short time she’d been with him, she knew he was too clever for his own good.  

Ella spoke before Solas had the chance to prod more, “Don’t you have some curse unique to where you come from? Something the others wouldn’t use.”

“I do not curse.”

Ella stopped at that, and he paused a bit in front of her, turning back to glance at her.  She smirked at him, “You’re really going to try to tell me you never curse?  Not once?  I know you’re all proper and polite, but everyone slips up with a curse sometimes.   I mean, honestly, there are times when a good curse is just what you need.”

Solas let out a barely audible hmmm in the back of his throat before answering, “Fenedhis.”

“Fenedhis.”  Ella sounded it out slowly, tasting the new word on her lips a few times.  Solas waited, looking at her with his mouth curving up to one side.  “It’s elven?  What does it translate to?”

“Yes.  I do not believe its translation is of import.”

“Oh, but it is, for several reasons.”  Ella held up her hand, counting on her fingers, as she spoke, “One, I love language.  Two, you’re supposed to be my teacher, mentor, or whatever.  And three, you did try to maim me with a blast of ice, so amuse me.”

Solas gave a tiny shake of his head, but that smile was still on his lips, “Wolf penis.”

“Wolf... penis?  I--I really don’t know what to do with that.”  She bit her lip to try and suppress the giggle that threatened to emerge.  Instead, a small snort came out, and she brought her hand up to cover her face.  When she felt she had control again, she removed her hand, continuing forward, “I guess it’s as good a curse as any.  It’s cultural, I am guessing?  Do the elves not like wolves?”

“A story better suited for another time.”  Though his voice was still polite, it held a hard edge to it now, and when she glanced at him she saw he was stiffer than usual.  His shoulders tensed and the smile gone.  “I will leave you.”

With that, he walked away and she puzzled over the sudden change in attitude.  It seemed to have been brought on by no particular reason.  The man had a mask of politeness.  Whatever the reason it slipped ever so slightly earlier, it was now firmly back in place.  

“I see Chuckles isn’t returning to us with ass flaming.”

Ella grinned as she turned towards the voice, “Not for lack of trying.  Though he did try to kill me at one point.”  She moved over to the large fire Varric was standing by, “I’m sorry he didn’t try to kill me.” Adjusting her voice, she tried for her best Solas impression, “I ‘would have been injured, nothing that could not be healed.’”

Varric let out a low rumble of a laugh,  “Seems like it was an exciting morning for you.”

“Well, I did manage to put up a barrier.  It was exhausting, though, and just for one little barrier.” Ella sighed and lifted her hands to the flames, feeling the fire’s soothing warmth lick at her skin, turning her fingers a pink hue.

“Steel yourself, Kitten.  I was told to send you to Cassandra when you got back.”

Ella froze, “Cassandra, that's---”

“The big woman that always looks like she is in a frothing rage? Yup, that’d be her.”

“Lovely.”  

It felt like it was one thing after another.  There wasn’t any room for her to breath.  She shouldn’t even be here, yet here she was being taught magic and now being forced to face a warrior, who she imagined was intimidating in the best of circumstances.  Ella felt light-headed and her chest hitched.  She jumped when a hand touched her arm.

“Deep breathes, Kitten.  Take it easy.  She’s scary, but she won’t actually do anything to hurt you.  Not when you have the Herald’s backing.  Just breath, nice and easy.  Deep one in, deep one out.”

As Varric kept a firm grip on Ella, and his voice calmed her, she felt her muscles loosen.  Until then, she hadn’t even realized she had started to shake.  After a few moments, she was breathing normally and the shaking had stopped.  Varric released her and took a step back.

Ella let out a long exhale before squaring her shoulders.  “Might as well get it over with.  Where is she?”

“She’s just outside the gates, near where Cullen is training the troops.  She’s probably practicing on the dummies.  By dummies I mean the straw filled mannequins not the others.”  He gave a lopsided grin, his tone soothing.  “At least, you know she’s gotten out some frustration on those instead of you.”

“Always good to see the bright side of things.  If she doesn’t kill me, I’ll see you later Varric.”  

There was no helping it.  She was here for now, and she would do what needed to be done, till she could get home.  Ella forced herself to hold her chin high, though beneath her cloak, her fingers trembled.  As she walked away, she heard Varric’s voice speak quietly from behind her.  “Good luck, Kitten.”

As Ella made her way through the glistening snow to Cassandra, one thought kept blaring at the front of her mind.  She did not want to make this woman angry.  In fact, that was an understatement.  There were no words to express how much she didn’t want to be on Cassandra’s bad side.  

Ella watched Cassandra as she took swings at the practice dummies.  The woman was terrifying and graceful.  Watching her was like watching some dance, a dance that you could only hope you were never the focus of.  Cassandra swung down, to the side, up, and then down again in one sweeping arc.  With the downswing, the dummy gave off a loud crack in protest, before splintering and falling to the ground.  All that was left of it just bits of hay scattered on the snow.

Ella swallowed and went through her options for how to greet the woman.  Finally, she settled on humor in an attempt to hide her insecurity, “I think you need practice dummies made of sturdier stuff.  Like iron.”

Cassandra stopped.  She rolled her shoulders as she turned to face Ella, “That would be nice.”  

“I--” she cleared her throat, “I’m sorry for what happened at the Conclave.”

“Did you cause it?”

“No, I didn’t.  I don’t even---” she sighed and her shoulders slumped.  “I don’t know why I was there.  I know I didn’t cause that thing.” Ella gestured towards the Breach, “Whatever that thing is.”

“Then apologizing serves no purpose.  I wanted to make something clear.  If you are to fight alongside us, I expect you to follow orders.  The Herald wishes for you to stay, but I will not allow you to hurt innocents, or be a threat to the Inquisition.  If your magic becomes a danger, I will not hesitate to act against you.”

Ella nodded, “Understood.”

Cassandra looked at her, eyes piercing, before sheathing her sword with a sigh.  “Very well.  Let us get you fitted for some proper clothing and armor.  After, I will take you to Leliana and you can start your training.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------

It wasn’t until the first signs of dusk had started turning the white mountains a soft pink, that Ella finally hobbled her way back to the tavern.  Once inside the Singing Maiden, she halted at the bottom of the stairs, eyeing the steps before huffing and turning to the closest empty chair. Gingerly, she lowered herself down, letting out a mix of curses until she was sitting.

Though the hard wood of the chair wasn’t the most comfortable on her bruised bottom, it was nice to rest for a moment.  Ella had gone none stop all day.  The only break being when she got fitted with clothing.  This included a conversation between Cassandra and the woman measuring her about if they should bother ordering her special breast bindings since she was so small chested.  Ella had listened, ears going redder by the minute, until she had snapped and told them she’d just wrap with a cloth when needed.  She'd never liked bras anyways.

The rest of the day had been spent with one of Leliana’s people.  The training was supposed to teach her how to be able to defend herself should anyone manage to get to close.  She was pretty sure, what she mainly learned, was how many places the human body could be bruised.  Also, that there were about a dozen muscles she’d never paid attention to that now throbbed.

Leliana had come to observe and been the one to stop the training.  When she did, she had asked if Ella could run and, when given the affirmative, suggested Ella just stick with that.  Which was fine by her.  Ella had been too beat, and sick of it all, to be insulted by the implication.  Instead, she had just been happy this meant she wouldn’t be receiving daily training, since it felt more akin to simply being beat up.

Ella’s heavy eyelids started to close, and her head drooped.  It occurred to her she should probably force herself upstairs to her room and yet--- suddenly something slammed down onto the table making her jump to attention, “Wha--- what is… ugh.”

“Heya sissy.  Long day?”  A freckled face, with twinkling violet eyes, popped into her line of sight.  Ivy patted Ella on the back, eliciting a groan from Ella at the ache it caused.  “Take that as a yes.”

“I suppose it would be too much to hope that there was coffee?”

Ivy looked at her, head tilted, “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that.”

“I figured.” At Ivy’s still puzzled expression Ella added, “It’s a drink.  It’s hot, and it helps you stay up.”

“You mean tea?”

“Well, like tea, but much better.  More kick to it.”

“Huh.  Nope, but I did get you something else.”  Ivy pushed over a small crate.

With a careful touch, Ella reached into the crate, too exhausted to move much more. She just hoped whatever was in there wasn’t something sharp.  When her fingertips met with soft cloth, she let out a small sigh of relief, lifting out the first item.  

It was a top, with a high collar, in a soft tan with accents of blue on the neckline and shoulders.  Next, was a simple pair of pants and a belt.  Finally, there was a pair of fur lined boots that looked to be her size.  Ella looked from the box to Ivy.

“How did you--”

“After you were done with measurements, I went by and got them.  Then went looking for stuff.  Lucky for you, there was a girl close to your size.  So it only took a bit of adjusting.”  

“Thank you.  Really.  I don’t have any money to pay you back but if you let--”

Ivy shushed her by waving a hand in her face, “Stop.  Don’t worry about it.  My family is good for two things.  Taking up air and throwing their money around.  At least, this time, the second actually went towards something worthwhile.”  Ella started to open her mouth, “Nope don’t get all sappy on me.  Just take them.  It’s only temporary till we get you better stuff made and don’t even think about arguing about that too.”

Ella gave a lopsided grin, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Shortly after, Ivy ordered them some food and drinks.  Ella was somewhat surprised when a plate of potatoes, bread, and some oatmeal looking thing was placed in front of her.  No meat.  Her eyes darted over to Ivy’s meal, which was already being dug into with gusto.  Her’s was definitely meat.  Though Ella knew she wouldn’t be able to get away with staying off meat while here, she appreciated the thoughtfulness, and it would be helpful for easing into it.

As they ate, Ella and Ivy chatted.  Well, Ivy chatted, and Ella just mumbled responses and nodded at appropriate times.  Exhaustion was dulling her senses, and her head wobbled.  When they were both done, Ivy had her attention caught by a pretty soldier at the other side of the tavern.  Ella was only vaguely aware of Ivy asking if she would mind if Ivy went over to chat the woman up.

Just as Ella was starting to work up the energy to stand and go upstairs, she heard a voice behind her, “Are you prepared to set up wards?”

Oh, right.  Would bedtime ever be simple here?  Her eyes glanced around the room, and her mind wandered to the elf she knew was standing behind her.  No, no it would not.  With a sigh, she eased herself up.  Her body was stiff, and her muscles made their protests to the movement known.

Without a word to Solas, she walked to the stairs once again, eyeing them.  Though she couldn’t hear him move next to her, she sensed him there, waiting.  Ella raised her chin and gestured towards the stairs, “Teachers first.”

There was a small hesitation before Solas started up the stairs, taking a deep breath, she followed.  It was agony.  Ella’s thighs burned, and the effort to pull her weight up with each step made her want to just curl on the stairs to sleep.  

When she was a bit over halfway up, she paused taking a breath, “This building isn’t even that big.  How are there so many fucking steps?”  She looked up, assessing how much further she had.  At the top of the stairs, Solas was standing, watching her, mouth quirked up ever so slightly.  “Not. A. Word.”  At least seeing him like that gave her the push she needed to get the rest of the way up.

When she made it to the top and walked past him, he spoke, “I would have offered my assistance, but I had the impression you would not have welcomed it.”

“I’m fine just a bit--” She realized at that moment she left the crate of clothes downstairs.  “Oh, no.”

“Is there a problem?”

“I-- no.  I just left something downstairs.  I’ll just--”

Solas shook his head slightly, “It does not make you weak to need help.  I will get your items.  A moment.”  

With that, he started down the stairs, leaving Ella open mouthed.  That had been distinctly _not_ what she had expected from him.  She rubbed her forehead, trying to focus her muddled thoughts, before turning towards her room.  Once inside, the bed called temptingly to her, but she knew the moment she was on it she’d be out.  Instead, she stood near the door and eyed her bed longingly as she waited.

Lucky for her, it didn’t take him too long to make his way back.  He walked in and set the crate at the end of her bed.  “Now, for wards.”

As they worked at the wards she had to give some credit to Solas, he was a patient teacher.  Well, other than the whole ice blast incident.  The wards ended up being a long process.  He would make one and then she would attempt to mimic it.

The exhaustion and pain from the day made it hard for her to focus, no matter how much she tried.  As a result, Ella’s wards looked messy and childlike, causing Solas to have to fix them in places.  When they finally finished, Ella was even more exhausted than before, and her fingers hummed with residual energy.

“It is done.”  He started out and paused turning, “Last night, what did you see, in the Fade?”

Ella furrowed her brows, trying to focus on his question through her fog, “Nothing really.  Haven but it was… I don’t know, different in some way.  I didn’t explore much.”  In truth, she had still been wary of encountering those demons again.  At least, she now assumed they’d been demons.

“I will find you tonight.”

“What?” Normally she might have understood what he meant, but at the moment she just looked at him, gaping like an idiot.

“The Fade.  There are things you should know.”

Any protests she might have formed were overridden by her desire to fall on the bed and sleep.  At this point, she didn’t care what happened in her dreams, so long as her body got some rest.  “Ok.”

With a nod, Solas left, shutting the door behind him.  Ella stumbled to the bed, not bothering to take off her clothing as she fell on top of the covers.  She reached out and pulled her blue hoodie to her chest before sleep took her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!


	8. Solas - The Challenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girl continues to perplex Solas. He finds himself oddly drawn to her and her genuine curiosity towards everything. Though she does seem to possess the particular ability to get under his skin on occasion, something he thought he had the control to no longer allow. Whoever, or whatever she is, it is definitely not what he has grown used to.

Solas found her in the Fade easily enough.  The girl was sitting on the ledge of the area in front of the Chantry, overlooking the entrance of Haven.  She had one knee pulled up, her chin resting on it, while the other made a hollow tap against the stones as she swung it back and forth.  

The girl’s hair was braided, and fell in a long rope down her back, little curls sticking out here and there.  It struck him how small she looked, vulnerable.  This impression was aided by the borrowed clothing, that was far too big for her, and the huge Breach in the distance.  For a moment, part of him wanted to shelter her.

“Do I have something on my back or are you debating if you want to tug my braid?”

Moment gone. “Do you find having this attitude helpful?”

The tapping of her foot stopped, “I’m not sure.  I’ve not often felt the need to use it.”  She started swinging her foot again, “There are more important things to discuss right now than moods.  Like that big gaping hole in the sky, for a start.”

“The Breach.  Simply put it is a tear in the Veil between this world and the Fade, allowing spirits to enter the world physically.  Small tears occur naturally when magic weakens the Veil, or when spirits cluster in an area that has seen many deaths.  The Herald’s mark, and the control it has over the Breach, would indicate it was created deliberately.”

The fingers of one of her hands fiddled with the hem of her sleeve, “Could someone--” She swallowed, and her next words came out in a rush, “Could someone go into the Breach?”

Solas shifted, his lips pressed together.  Not only was it one of the least relevant things she could be wondering about, but it was something most would want to avoid, not ask if it is possible.

“Entering the Fade, physically, is not something that is done.  Not now.  That is not taking into account the instability of the Breach.  All the spirits here have been driven away or corrupted by it.  Attempting to enter it would be unwise.”

“You said ‘not now.’  Does that mean it was done in the past?”

Solas internally cursed himself for his choice of words.  At least, it was an easy enough slip to redirect without raising suspicion.  He clasped his hands behind his back and fixed his stare on the distant mountains.  “Humans have entered it twice.  We know little about either instance.”

“What about through here, through dreaming I mean?  Could you go through the Breach that way?”

Solas’ brows furrowed, “I am not sure.”

She stopped swinging her leg, still not looking at him.  She moved the other leg, so it was also hanging over, before leaning forward, “Is it always like this?”

“Not necessarily.  The Fade reflects the minds of those in it.  This affects what and how you see things.”  His glance went from her to the view of Haven and the mountains beyond, “There is much to explore, but to find interesting places one must be interested.”

“So, you can’t dream of something, or somewhere, you have not seen?”

“That is correct.  Though imagination also plays a role.”  An idea formed in his mind and he started to turn, “Come.  Let us walk.”

Solas heard the crunch of snow as the girl stood and started walking again, keeping a slow pace as she caught up with him.  

“You’ve said we’re unique.”

“Correct.”

“So others don’t dream at all?  Or do they see the dreaming differently?”

“Children of the Stone---”

“The what?”

“Dwarves, Varric’s people, they do not dream.  Everyone else does.  Most do not recall their dreams upon waking.  Mages do.”

He glanced over to her as they walked.  The girl’s brows were furrowed, “So how is a dreamer different from any other mage?”

The corner of Solas’s mouth quirked up a touch, “Mages see what spirits decide to show them.  Dreamers have a certain control over the Fade.  They may shape the Fade.  Those talented enough, may even kill an enemy through his dreams, or drive him mad.”

The girl’s footsteps stopped abruptly.  Solas also stopped, looking back at her.  Her face had gone pale, “That is--,” her eyes looked him over once before narrowing, “Have you done that?”

“I prefer to use my abilities in other ways,” he grasped his hands together behind his back and turned, continuing forward.  

“Can demons kill people in their dreams?”

“It is possible but unlikely.”

“Wonderful.” He heard her release a sigh, and her next words were more to herself than him, “Now my dreams can kill me too.  What fun this is.”

“I will teach you precautions to prevent such things.  The Fade can be dangerous, yes, but it can also hold wanders.  A fast flowing river may drown careless children, but it can also carry a merchant’s goods or grind a miller’s flour.  Even demons are not so easily defined.  Common belief is that demons hate the natural world, and seek to bring their chaos and destruction to the living.  But such simplistic ideas misconstrue their motivations, and in doing so, do all a great disservice.”

“How is it simplistic?  That is accurate for a demon. isn’t it?”

The tone of her voice held pure curiosity, not the hostility he had become so used to, “Demons do not start as demons.  Spirits wish to join the living, and a demon is that wish gone wrong.”

They reached their destination, and he halted the girl next to him, brows furrowed and eyes looking down, “So, spirits are beings who live in the Fade, but are not evil and are affected by the world around them.  By thoughts and feelings, like the Fade itself.  Then isn’t there a way to stop demons from forming in the first place?  To teach people to co-exist with spirits, to understand them?”

The girl’s thinking surprised him.  When she wasn’t hiding behind her irritating attitude she could prove to be rather interesting, even insightful.  He found himself hoping to see more of this side of her.  It would be good to have someone to discuss such things with on occasion.  It had been so long since he’d been able to do so.

Solas realized he hadn’t said anything in response for some time and cleared his throat, “Not in the world we know now.  But the questions are good ones, and it matters that you thought to ask.”

The girl’s attention had been drawn from him, and her eyes were looking around the area they were standing in, “This is Ivy’s lodging isn’t it?”

“Correct.” he focused, reaching out to the world around him and using his will to shape it, “Now watch.”

Suddenly, there was a line of people all the way from the Herald’s door up to the Chantry.  Solas heard Ella take in a quick breath and turned to her.  A smile formed on his lips at the expression on her face.  Her eyes were wide; her full lips parted slightly.  “What-- how?  This is incredible.  Are they---”

“It is a memory.”

The door to the Herald’s lodge opened, and she stepped out.  One moment she was the savior with an inner light that glowed like a halo around her.  Another moment she was an imposter, a monster, with cold hate in her eyes.

“Ivy.”  The girl’s look of amazement fell and her brows furrowed once again, lips turning down in a frown, “Yet not.  How is she herself but-- different?”

“These are memories.  Memories are---”

“Subjective,” understanding dawned on her face, and he was somewhat surprised she seemed to understand so quickly.  “No two people experience things the same, so of course memories would be different.  That is...”

“Fascinating?”

“Confusing, but yes that too.”  For a few moments, they watched in silence.  He saw her eyes move, trying to take in everything, questioning.  

With her attention rapt on what was happening around her, it allowed him a moment to really look at her.  The look on her face was too pure to be feigned.  She was not lying about having never experienced the Fade like this, at least.  

Solas guessed she was educated.  Her speech was articulate, and he would be shocked if she wasn’t literate.  As far as looks, her skin was clear, smooth, and pale.  Solas imagined that, if he could see her hands, they would be soft and free of calluses.  Her teeth were in excellent condition also.  Not someone who had been forced to live on the streets.

A noble perhaps?  If that was the case, it raised more questions.  Why would she hide it?  Had something happened to her family?  Was she in hiding?  Not to mention the fact that, though she was obviously young, she seemed too old to be only _now_ manifesting her abilities.  

On top of all that, there was the fact that she was a dreamer, and then there was the strange clothing she had been wearing when he first saw her.  He would say she was from Tevinter, but that did not seem to fit at all, either.  All in all, the girl raised far more questions than answers.

Finally, when she turned to look fully at him, her eyes glowed and her voice was bubbly, “The history you could learn through this!  The possibility of it!  Things lost that could be found!  It is a treasure trove.”

Despite himself, he felt a pleasant warmth spread through his chest at her enthusiasm.  “Yes.  Dream in ancient ruins, you may see a city lost to history.  Some of my fondest memories were found in crumbling cities long picked dry by treasure seekers.  The best are the battlefields.  Spirits pressed so tightly against the Veil that you can slip across with but a thought.”

“Ancient ruins and battlefields?”

“Yes.  Any building strong enough to withstand the rigors of time has a history.  Every battlefield is steeped in death. Both attract spirits. They press against the Veil, weakening the barrier between our worlds.” He smiled as he spoke, his voice turning soft,  “When I dream in such places, I go deep into the Fade. I can find memories no other living being has ever seen.”  

“Is that safe? What with everything that seems to be going on…”

“I do set wards.”  He turned his attention back to her, still smiling, “and if you leave food out for the giant spiders, they are usually content to live and let live.”

“Ok, two things.  First, giant spiders?  How giant are we talking, like fist sized?”

“They vary.  Some are larger than I am.”

“That’s…” she turned her head for a moment mumbling something he couldn’t make out before looking at him again, “Ok, this makes the second thing even more important, what do you mean usually?”

Solas chuckled, “Stories for another time perhaps.”

“I don’t know.  Are you sure you want to let my imagination go wild with this one because it’s already coming up with some pretty golden stuff?”

“Perhaps you will share those with me some day.  For now, we should focus on teaching you about your abilities.”

Ella paused, looking down for a moment, “If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather avoid the spiders, if possible.”  She paused for a moment before adding, “The battlefields also.”

“Why?”

“Isn’t there enough pain and hate in the world without dreaming about it?”

Solas kept his eyes on her, but she continued looking elsewhere even as he responded, “Yes.  There is pain and hate.  I have witnessed the brutality of darkspawn but also the valor of the Ferelden warriors.  I saw Alistair and the Hero of Ferelden light the signal fire.  In the Fade, you will see reflections created by spirits who react to the emotions of the warriors.  Good and bad.”

“So it's all memories, all subjective.  Does that mean that none of it is real?”

“That is a matter of debate, but it is the Fade.  Here, at least, it is all real.”

Solas watched as her eyes shifted to the Breach and became distant.  When she spoke, it was as though she forgot he was there, “If I had this ability before, the things I could have learned.  All that history I could have touched.  Like time travel.”

“We could access your memories.  It is simply a matter of will.”

In an instant she was back with him, her eyes snapping to him, face guarded again, “What about you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Would you expose your memories for me to watch?” he started to reply, but she waved a hand dismissively at him, “I don’t mean the easy ones.  I mean the memories from before,” Her hand went now to gesture at the Breach, “before all this.”

How was it this girl was able to get under his skin?  Others he’d been able to block out, to keep a cool, polite distance from, but her-- he felt irritation simmer just beneath the surface, “A suggestion.  Nothing more.  If you have something you are hiding--”

“You’re going to pretend you don’t?” The girl had her hands on her hips, stance wide, and eyes narrowed.

He felt his jaw twitch, “Enough.”

“Fine.  I’ll leave your secrets alone if you do the same for mine.”

Either it was something in her stance, or what he already knew about her, but he felt she had no intention of leaving well enough alone. “You are either lying or fooling yourself.”

“True enough.” It threw him that this was what seemed to make her drop her aggressive stance, shrugging and taking on a lopsided grin, “We are what we are.”

“Oh, and what is it you presume me to be?”  

“You, Solas, are like a dog.  Constantly after whatever bone catches your eye.” She walked up to him, stopping close enough to him that she had to tilt her head up to meet his eyes.  “I’m a cat.  Always curious.  Always getting into things I shouldn’t.  We are fated to always stick our noses where we shouldn’t.”

For a moment, along with the irritation, he felt a stirring of something else deep in his belly.  A hint of a sensation he had long ago given up, something he did not wish to examine.  Instead, he forced even breaths and met her steady gaze.  

“Are you challenging me, child?”

“One, I am not a child, so don’t.  Two, yes.  Why not?  You clearly like a good mystery, so why not add challenge to it.  Let’s agree on this.  Neither of us has to answer any questions that we don’t wish.  If we don’t want to answer the question gets dropped.  Period.  No, why won’t you answer me, or anything like that.  Also, if you can pull things out of my head, none of that either.  That would be too easy.  Otherwise,” she shrugged, “other methods are fair game.”

“You should be careful, cat.  There is a saying among the elves, may the Dread Wolf take you.  It would be unwise for the cat to wander too close to the den.”  Saying it felt odd, dangerous, not just because it was hitting close to the truth but because it increased that stirring in his stomach.

“Go ahead and keep underestimating me, wolf.  Let’s see where this game takes us.”  

With that she woke herself, leaving him stiff, and not exactly sure of what had just happened.  It was a wonder he had managed to not flinch at being referred to as wolf so directly, given the feelings it could evoke in him.  Though, he was the one that had given her the term over dog.    

The girl was unexpected.  Underneath her aggravating attitude towards him, she was intelligent and observant, a potential danger.  However, he had wisdom and experience she did not possess.  

He should stop this now.  Yet, it had been so long since he had been drawn in like this.  A little challenge wouldn’t hurt.  He had every intention of puzzling her out already.  He could stop whenever he chose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I debated if I wanted to do this in Ella's or Solas' POV for a while and finally settled on Solas. At this point Ella's head is a jumbled mess of craziness and taking in all the Fade stuff isn't making things simpler for her. So figured I'd give her a chance to process a bit in peace ;). Plus Solas is fun and interesting to write. :P
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> P.S. This coming week is going to be kind of crazy for me so I might not be able to finish up the next chapter, it still needs polishing. Worst case it'll be in two weeks instead of one. Just wanted to give a heads up. I'd rather take a little time than push out a bad chapter to you guys :)


	9. Exploring Cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella decides that the day is as good as any for a bit of exploring. Soon she finds that the outskirts of Haven are more challenging than she had originally thought. She thinks a library will be a more pleasant exploration but instead finds a certain spymaster and some unnerving news.

“Did I really just--”

Ella set on the edge of the bed, holding the blue hoodie close.  Each night she had slept with it like a child with a security blanket.  It was her one connection to home, to Luke.  Her lifeline.  She spoke to the cotton as though it could work as a line of communication with her husband.

“I believe I just challenged someone I really shouldn’t.”

It was an impulsive, and moronic, move on her part.  Solas was already trying to figure her out.  Now she’d invited him to try harder.  Damn.

Ella felt her throat go thick and her eyes start to sting.  Allowing herself one heavy sigh, she shook her head, wiping her hand across her eyes before forcing a smile at the blue material.

“You’d like it here.  You’d probably even like that infuriatingly polite elf.  You’d be too busy pestering him with questions on elven language to notice the way he looks at people.  Hell, you’d probably get--”

A knock sounded at the door, “Sissy!  Let me in, oh munchkin.”

Her mouth curved into a small but genuine smile, “That depends.  Call me munchkin again.”

“Freckled one then?  I’m freckled too, so maybe not.  Curly?  Kitten? No, Varric would have my hide--”

Ella got up as Ivy continued to list random nicknames through the door.  With a small laugh she started to open it, “Alright, alright, I’ll open up, if you cut it out.”

When the door opened, Ivy pulled Ella into a hug, a wide grin on her face, “Good morning, Sissy! I know it’s early, but I heard you and figured--”

Ella flushed, “Oh. I was just--”

Ivy released her, waving her explanation away, “If anyone tells you they’ve never talked out loud to themselves, they are full of it, and you should punch them.”

“I would probably go a little less violent, but thanks?  You’re here early.”

“Didn’t leave.” Ivy winked and came in the room giving Ella a shoulder bump on the way past.

“The woman from last night?”

“Yup.  I do love brunettes,”  Ivy gave a contented sigh.

Her eyes glanced to the hoodie as Ivy plopped onto the bed next to it.  “I meant to thank you.”

Ivy followed Ella’s gaze, “Ah, that.  It was nothing.  Now get dressed so we can grab some grub.  I’m starved.”

Breakfast was that same mash from last night, but this time with little bits of some meat in it.  Ivy had started to get Ella something else, but Ella stopped her.  This was a good way to re-adjust.  The bits were small and she managed to eat most of it.  She could not afford to be picky right now.  The hike to the Breach would not be an easy one.

Once breakfast was over, she made her way out of Haven’s gates.  Cullen was already out at the training area speaking with Cassandra.  It was eerily quiet.  She hadn’t realized how accustomed she had already become to the constant clanging and grunting of training soldiers.  Though a few were up and going, most were still at breakfast.

Cullen glanced up at her, giving a small smile and nod.  Ella waved at him as she passed before pulling the hood of her cloak up to protect her face from the biting wind.  Solas was not out yet and that gave her some time to herself.

Once she was a little ways away from Haven, she stopped next to some big contraption.  She searched her mind for the word, big sling shot thingy wasn’t right.  After a moment, she grinned, “Trebuchet!”

Two passing soldiers gave her a look, and she ducked her head blushing, a smile on her face from her success.   Take that everyone who said she read and watched too much fantasy.  It was coming in useful.  Though, in fairness, the chances of this ever having happened were probably less than .00005%.  Wasn't she lucky to have managed it? She released a small sigh at the thought.

Ella forced herself to focus again and looked up at the sky, now touched by a soft golden glow.  Though she had no idea how to tell the exact time, she figured if she could keep track of changing light, it would give her a rough estimate of how much time she had to herself between lessons.

There were things she had to prepare.  Going into this kind of terrain without any preparation would be foolish.  It would do her no good to try to get home only to die on the trip to the Breach.  Once there, she would figure out a more solid plan on how to get through.

Ella started walking away from the path and through the snow.  The path would surely go to the Breach, but it was riskier to use it.  Even assuming that there wasn’t a locked guard gate at some point, being on a path like that would make her more noticeable.  If she was smart, she could go around and make it to the Breach without running into anyone.  It would just be more work.

The fact of just how much more work it would end up being, became apparent after only about 20 minutes.  It didn't help that her muscles were still stiff and achy from yesterday’s training.  It was a pathetically short distance before she had to turn back, her legs burning.  With slow steps, she pushed her way through the deep snow, looking down to help keep her footing.

“Hello.”

Ella’s head snapped up to see that she had made it back to the area they had trained in yesterday.  Solas was standing there, arms behind his back and his usual polite mask.  With a deep breath, she squared her shoulders, preparing for another day of lessons, and the potential conversation following last night's challenge.

They were outside until well after the sun had come out completely.  The lesson went well, considering.  Oddly, Solas had chosen to act as though the challenge had never happened.  Ella wasn't sure if this made her more relieved or nervous that he was gearing up for something.  At least he didn't shoot ice at her this time.  So, that was an improvement.  

Ella did manage to get her barrier to stay up for longer this time, and she held it steady.  Although the first time it happened she got a little overly excited.  The excitement made her magic unstable, resulting in her almost taking out another tree.  Which in turn resulted in, what felt like, a half hour lecture on controlling emotions and not letting them control you.

Oh, if only he knew.  Personally, given her current situation, she figured the emotional control she was showing was commendable.  

Her muscles were now throbbing with renewed annoyance from the magic lesson.  It hadn’t even felt like she’d moved that much this morning.  It was laughable that she’d actually thought of herself as somewhat fit.  

When it was over, Solas left her with a parting, "well done."  Now that she no longer had Leliana's lessons, she was left to her own devices for the rest of the day.  Though she should probably be more pleased by this, she had a feeling being idle would make it hard for her to stay calm.  She vaguely recalled some survivalist show saying that idleness was one of the worst things you could do in extreme situations.  It let your mind wander too much, let hopelessness get a grasp.

That she couldn't allow, not now.  She had to stay focused and calm if she wanted to get home.

After a moment of debate, Ella decided to go in search of a library so she might research and stick out a little less.  She figured the most likely location was in the Chantry, since it seemed the center point of the settlement.  

As she pushed through the large entry doors, she let out a small huff when she saw what was in front of her.  It was essentially a large hall with doors on each side.

So, this would be fun.  The luck of the draw but with doors, in a world of magic, people who were suspicious of her, and demons.  Opening unknown doors could only end beautifully.

For a moment, she stood inside the entrance shuffling from one foot to the other, as she hesitated on where to start.  A small group in dresses, which she assumed were Chantry uniforms, walked by giving her curious stares.  It was enough to make her realize she was drawing attention to herself, which spurred her to action.

Ella attempted to look like she knew what she was doing as she strode to the door at the very end of the hall, reaching out to open it, her hand hovered inches away.  The sound of voices carried through the wood and she recognized Cassandra, Ivy, and the hesitant baritone of Cullen.  

She pulled her hand back as though burned and glanced around.  Luckily, no one was currently paying attention, so she switched her path to the door to her left.  This time, all seemed quiet on the other side.  

Once again, Ella took a deep breath, worst case she could say she was looking for someone and leave.  That wouldn’t make her stick out too badly.  She forced back any lingering hesitation and reached out pushing the door open.  

When the door opened completely, she found two sets of curious eyes staring at her.  The women were at a large desk.  The one that stood in front of the desk, was a brunette elven woman.  The one that sat behind it, looked like someone out of a Disney movie.  She had beautiful raven hair, a delicate face, and a small beauty mark on one side of her jaw.

Was there a single non-beautiful person here?  I mean really, this was getting ridiculous.  There should be some law about so many gorgeous people in one place.  One delicate eyebrow arched on the seated woman’s face making Ella realize the woman must have spoken.  Also, that she was gaping at the woman.

“I---” she cleared her throat, “You’re really beautiful.  I mean-- that is uhm.”  Oh, oh no.  What was happening?  Just shut your mouth.  “I’m sorry I should--”

Both women burst into laughter and the one behind the desk stood, “You flatter me.  I don’t believe we’ve met.  My name is Josephine Montilyet.  I serve as the Ambassador for the Inquisition.”

The elven woman spoke next, “My name is Minaeve.  I’m here to help with research.”

“Research?”

“Yes.  The Inquisition’s agents bring me various things from the creatures they find, or fight, and I research them to make us more effective when we face them.”  

That certainly sounded interesting.  Ella opened her mouth to ask more, but Josephine spoke before she had the chance, “May I ask, what brings you to Haven?  Are you a refugee?”

“I’m a friend of Ivy’s.”

Josephine’s eyes widened slightly, “Ella?”  Ella nodded affirmative,  “I’ve heard a lot about you.  It is good to finally meet you.”

“Maybe you can help me.  I was looking for the library.”

“I’d be happy to take you there.”  Minaeve headed for the door and waited for Ella to follow.  

“It was nice to meet you, Lady Montilyet.”

“The pleasure was mine.  Come back sometime.  I would like to get to know you better.”  Josephine smiled before turning back to her desk.  Ella started out the door with Minaeve.

The library was a tiny room in the basement of the Chantry building.  From all she had learned, she had expected it to be similar to the room she had seen in her first dream, where she met Solas.  It was the same room but in disrepair.  

The bookshelves were dusty, and cobwebs were scattered in random corners.  The room had one small sconce which gave barely any light.  There were some books scattered about, and two laying open on the small table in the middle of the room.  They were so covered with dust that you couldn’t make out the words on the pages.

“It hasn’t seen much use lately.  With everything that’s been happening---”  Minaeve gave a small shrug.

Ella moved to the table, running a hand through the grainy dust covering one of the open books, glimpses of words appearing under her fingers.  She set her jaw and put her hands on her hips, “Well, might as well.  Minaeve, I hate to bother you but do you know where I could get rags for dusting?  Also, when I’m done is there anything I could use to keep notes on research?”

“I think I can manage something.”  

"Oh, I didn't mean you needed to--"

"I don't mind at all.  You're sure you want to take on this old place?"

“I’m sure, thanks.”  Ella gave Minaeve a big smile as the woman left, before turning back to the room.  Some of the books were so covered with dust she couldn’t even see the titles underneath.  As she walked around the small space, trying to figure out where to start, she looked down and noticed one of the stones in the wall between two bookshelves looked a bit off.

Ella bent down, reaching between the shelves, and used her fingertips to feel around the rough edges of the stone.  As her fingers got about halfway down one side, she felt them go into a slightly deeper niche, digging them further in, she nudged the stone.

It gave surprisingly easily, revealing a little hollow space with something tucked into it.  Ella’s brows furrowed as she reached into the hole.  When she pulled the object out, she saw it was a small book.  The title read, Swords and Shields, and the cover clearly indicated it was a romance.  As she looked closer, she noticed the author and couldn’t help the snort that came from her.

Oh, she had to read this.  Maybe, it was the craziness of her current situation rattling her brain, but for some reason the idea of Varric writing romance was hugely amusing to her.  

As she heard footsteps echoing down the hall, she quickly tucked the book under her shirt.  Though, she doubted Minaeve would care, she’d rather be safe than sorry.  It would be nice to have something silly and relaxing to spend her time on now and again.  That is, between the whole trying to stay alive and get home thing.

As the woman walked in she saw it wasn’t Minaeve, but Leliana.  It took everything in her power not to take a step back or show her surprise on her face.  Since being here, she had learned Leliana was the spymaster, and from the whispers she heard, a ruthless one.

“I hope you don’t mind.  I intercepted Minaeve.”

“No. I don’t mind at all.”  Ella moved forward to try and make the shaking in her hands less noticeable. “You brought me some supplies I see.  I appreciate it.”

Leliana smiled, a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, and set down the bag she carried.  “Yes, as requested.  A notebook, ink, quills, and some rags.”  Leliana ran a finger along the desk rubbing some of the dust between her fingers, “Also, I gave the items you had with you when we found you to Solas earlier today.”

Ella felt her breath catch and the shaking worsen, “Y--you what, now?”

“He will be discreet. He is knowledgeable in unique magic, and he sees you regularly so he can give them back to you.  I wanted it tested for magic.  These are dangerous times.”  Leliana’s eyes finally came up to meet hers, “You understand my concern.”

Solas.  Of all the people, they had to pick Solas.  Ella swallowed any protests that lingered on the tip of her tongue.  “I--- yes.”

“The objects were… interesting.  Are you sure you still can’t recall anything?”

“I don’t remember how exactly I ended up here.”

“Same as the Herald, yes.  But do you remember before?”

If she lied, it would show, even to someone who wasn’t trained to spot that sort of thing.  Leliana was definitely trained.  Lying would likely make all this worse.  Ella swallowed and tried to keep her voice steady, “Yes.”

Leliana’s face was an emotionless mask, betraying nothing, it was terrifying in a way that made her miss Solas’ mask.  “Why did you lie?”

“I never did.  Ivy assumed I had forgotten.  I didn’t deny it but I never actually stated it myself.”

“Is Ella your real name?”

“No.”  Ella took a deep breath, her mouth opened to say her real name but she shut it again.  Something about saying her name here felt wrong.  It was ridiculous, but for some reason she wanted to keep it close, keep it separate from everything.  Saying it might break what little resolve she was able to grip on that kept her somewhat calm.  “It wouldn’t do any good to tell you.”

“Oh?”

“I’m from… very far away.  All I can tell you is I would never intentionally do anything to hurt Ivy.”  The words were true, mostly.  When she left, as she must, it would most likely hurt Ivy but it was unavoidable.

“I know many people, some of which are very far away.  Perhaps, I’d know of your home.”

“I doubt it, and I’d rather not risk bringing any danger to my family.  Where they are now is safe. I’d like them to stay that way.”  

Leliana was silent for so long Ella thought her heart might jump out of her chest from the level of anxiety she was reaching.  “I suppose that I can accept that, for now.  Have a good evening, Ella.”

The moment Ella could no longer hear the soft sound of Leliana’s feet on the stone, she slumped to the ground.  She released a long exhale and leaned back against the bookshelf, closing her eyes.  She sat like that for a long time, not caring that her back and hair would likely be covered in dust and bits of cobweb.

Once her shaking had subsided, she took another deep breath and stood slowly, picking up Varric’s book that had fallen on the floor next to her.  As she started to place the book on the table, her eyes widened, and her heart beat sped.  The exchange with Leliana had distracted her from one of the most important parts of the whole conversation.

Solas had her things.  Solas, of all the…

Ella grabbed the bag Leliana had left, stuffing Varric’s book into it as she hurried out the door in such haste she almost tripped on one of the stones of the floor.  The library would have to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for being so awesome and for all the love. I'm so honored that so many people have read my work :D. Hope you've all enjoyed it.


	10. The Language Curiousity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ella goes to confront Solas and get back her personal things, instead she is met with a disturbingly strange realization. And she thought shit couldn't get weirder. When will she learn?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus Solas POV at end. Usually I will stick them in totally separate chapters but occasionally something like this will happen where it is better suited to just put them together. Let me know if that bothers you or is confusing.

Ella didn’t bother to knock, instead opting to open the door with such force the gust from outside that accompanied her entrance blew out the nearest sconce.  Solas looked up from where he was writing.  Without a word, he pointed to the small table by his bed and turned back to his work.  The only sign she had startled him was the slight release of magical tension in the room when he saw it was her.

She shut the door behind her and headed to where her things were, eyeing his back as she hurried past him.  On the small table, she found her phone, car keys, and headphones.  She looked over her shoulder at Solas, “Did you---”

“I tested them for magic.  I found none.  I did nothing else.”  She probably should be questioning why he wasn’t pushing on this.  The nagging feeling that he was plotting something in that head of his came back.  However, she was soon pulled back to the task when her eyes went back to the items.

With trembling fingers she brushed over the objects as though fearing they might suddenly vanish.  Strange that things she had never thought twice about now held such importance to her.

Realizing she had been standing there for some time she scooped the items up and pushed them into the bag Leliana had given her.  It was a bit packed, but she managed, though the bag no longer closed all the way.  That done she started to leave but hesitated.

Solas had not bothered to glance her way or even acknowledge her presence aside from the brief moment when she’d first entered.  Despite herself, it made her immensely curious what had him so absorbed.  She moved slowly setting each foot down with care to make as little sound on the wood planking as possible.  

When she got closer, she noticed the title of one of the books appeared to be in a language she didn’t recognize.  Given that her husband was a linguist this was a rare thing for her now.  She kept a foot or so away from him squinting and tilting her head slightly to try to read the title better.  

“Elvehan Diis Falsis: Triew Metod Dracas,” Ella jumped at the sound of his voice and looked to find that he had turned and was watching her one eyebrow raised.  “Do you often look over people’s shoulders while they are working?”

“No. I-- that is---” her eyes glanced to the book before going back to him. “What language is that?”

“Tevene.”

Ella’s brows furrowed.  “Is it commonly spoken here?”

“No.”

“What are we speaking now?”

Solas blinked, “Common tongue.”

Well no going back now.  “What does it look like?”

He picked up a nearby book titled _On Silver Cords_.  “This is common tongue.  I had assumed you were literate if I was mistaken---”

She waved his words away, “I can read.  I just...” How did she go about this?  Saying, I think my mind might be doing some weird shit where it is automatically translating something it shouldn’t, would probably not be the best approach.  “What do you see?”

“Excuse me?”  Solas' brows furrowed now, eyes intent on her.

“Describe some of the letters to me.  As though I were blind.”

Solas described each letter in beautiful detail.  It surprised her how great he was at imagery.  Though what surprised her more was that her suspicions were confirmed.  What she saw was not what was there.  When she looked at it, she saw English, but from what he described, she should be seeing something else.  Which also implied that she was now speaking fluently in a completely different language without even knowing it.

Ella’s head spun at the implications.  Without thinking, she took a few steps back and sunk onto the edge of Solas’ bed bringing a hand up to her forehead.  How was this possible?  How was any of this possible?  These kinds of things didn’t happen in real life.  This was the stuff of dreams, of books and movies, not of reality.  A painful throbbing started at the back of her skull, and she squinted her eyes shut forcing deep breathes.

To her mind, she still was speaking English.  What if she tried speaking other languages?  Would those translate to something else?  Her eyes went to Solas, who was watching her silent and expressionless.  “Quelle langue est-ce?”

Solas’ eyebrows went up just barely, and he leaned forward a touch, “That sounds Orlesian, but the words are not the same.  What did you say?”

“It translates to, ‘What language is this?’  I wanted to see if you knew it.”

“I do not.  What is it called?”

Ella realized too late that she shouldn’t have said anything, “I don’t think that’s important.  I apologize, I shouldn’t have bothered you.  I’ve got my stuff so I’ll leave you to your work.”

She stood and started out of the room internally cursing herself for letting her curiosity get the better of her.  As her hand reached for the door, Solas’ voice reached her ears, “I am fluent in several languages, including elven.”

Ella raised an eyebrow as she turned her head to glance at him, “Forgive my ignorance but is it not common for elves to be fluent in elven?”

“No. Much of the language has been lost.  What the Dalish have managed to preserve is nothing but scraps.  Much of it is incorrect.  It would be… inconvenient for others to know this about me.”

Ella’s hand lowered from the door handle, “Why?”

“I am already in a misunderstood and often feared field of magic.  I have learned much in the Fade.  Many would not understand.  I wish to help.  To do this, I offer what assistance is relevant.  Too much and I might not be allowed to stay.  It is much the same reason I told you to keep your status as a dreamer between us.”

Now she turned to him completely, “Why tell me?”

“A secret for a secret.  Tell me of the language you spoke just now.”

This could be a trap of some kind.  He was clever enough to do something like that.  How she wasn’t sure.  Even if it was a trap, she was oddly interested in where it might lead.   “It’s called French.”

“I have never heard of it.”  Ella said nothing and after a while, he continued, “I have heard of many languages in my journeys through the Fade.  It is odd I would not have come across this one.”  She shrugged, “Ah.  You enjoy languages?”

“Yes...”

“I propose a trade.  I will teach you elven in exchange for information about you.  Information on things where you are from.”

Ella crossed her arms over her chest and looked at him eyebrows raised, “Wouldn’t language for language be a more equal trade?”

“What good would a language be to me that is not spoken here?”

“The same could be said of elven, could it not?”

They eyed each other in silence, neither one ready to back down, after what felt like minutes, Solas broke his gaze, “Very well.  If there is nothing else.”  With that, he turned away from her and back to whatever he was working on.

Ella’s fingers gripped the bag with her belongings in it tighter.  “That’s it?”  Solas said nothing, so she continued in a rush, “You aren’t going to press me about my things?  About the strange language?  Nothing?  You’re honestly just going to leave it be?  Especially after my…”  She paused trying to find the best word.

“Challenge.”  Solas offered still not looking at her, “I said nothing about leaving it be.”

“Why then?”

“Are you claiming you would tell me if I asked?”

Ella shuffled her feet, eyes going from the variety of books on his desk to the door next to her.  On the one hand, he undoubtedly would have a lot of knowledge to offer.  Not just about language but about this world.  On the other hand, giving him information could put her at risk of him finding out the truth.  Although, a lack of information could literally be the death of her in this world.

If she were smart, she could feed him tidbits similar enough to things here that he might just assume she was from somewhere far away.  The phone would be harder to explain, but little bits like that surely wouldn’t give it away.  It seemed he was the most likely to keep any information she gave to himself.  She was capable of learning some stuff on her own but having someone like him helping _would_ expedite things.  

“I’ll… think about your offer.”  Solas’ hand paused over the papers for just long enough that she would have missed it had she not been watching.  There was a nagging feeling at the back of her mind that she was already going to regret this.  

Instead of saying a word he went back to his studies moving some papers about on his desk.  She had planned on leaving but as her eyes followed his movements some of the papers that he removed revealed a book underneath.  It was a massive thing bound in beautiful dark leather with silver lettering along the side reading, _The Botanical Compendium_.

Ella’s treacherous feet moved her away from the door and back into Solas’ lodging.  When she got close to the desk, her fingers betrayed her as well, reaching forward to brush along the leather binding.

“If you would like to read it you may.”  Ella’s eyes looked up to find Solas watching her with his usual unreadable expression.  It was only for a moment that she hesitated before scooping the book up.  She went over next to Solas bed and plopped down on the floor leaning back against the side of it as she carefully opened the large book in her lap.

“You may use the candle on the bedside table.”  Solas still hadn’t looked at her, but Ella took that as permission to make herself somewhat comfortable.  

With careful fingers, she set the book down on the floor and stood taking the candle.  She went over to where Solas was and leaned around him trying to not get in his space to terribly.  It was impossible to avoid completely, and she brushed against his arm as she reached over to use his candles flame to light her own.  Her breath caught and she looked at his papers worried she might have messed up some of his notes.  Luckily he must have assumed she would have done that because he had paused in his writing and seemed still as a statue.

She mumbled an apology and hurried back her spot on the floor with the now flickering candle.  There were a few seconds of total silence and she held her breath again worried he would make her leave before she’d even had a chance to read anything.  When the soft scratch of his quill started again, she released the air from her lungs and turned her attention to her book.

It was a treasure trove of interesting and useful information, not only informative but sprinkled with humorous antidotes.  Soon she had pulled out the notebook, quill, and ink that Leliana had brought her and went about taking notes and trying to sketch out the various plants.  Who knew when this information might come in useful and she couldn’t very well haul this monster of a book everywhere, assuming Solas would even let her take it out of his place.  

For the most part, the two worked quietly together.  The soft scratching of quills on paper and rustling of pages the only sound in that space.  Once she found a story that made her let out a snort of amusement and she couldn’t resist asking about it.

“This book has a story about an Orlesian woman who ordered her Crystal Grace to be enchanted, so the flowers chimed like real bells.  Supposedly she then grew so annoyed by it she lit her entire lawn on fire in some insane temper tantrum.  That has to be made up right?”

Solas spoke with his back still to her, “It is true that stories like that are often made up or exaggerated.  However, it is Orlais so it is not entirely implausible.”

“You’re kidding.  Someone would actually set their entire lawn on fire for something like that.”

“Orlesians have killed for less.”

Ella opened her mouth and shut it again, biting her lower lip in thought before quickly scribbling in a corner of her notebook, “do not go to Orlais ever,” and underlining the ever a few times for good measure.  Not that she planned on being here long enough to go traveling about but there was a lot of information to take in so she figured she should make note of any places that were potential death traps.  The fact that this was a thing in her life now was… disturbing.

How long went by like that she couldn’t be sure.  It was several pages of notes and half a candle later that she felt her eyes growing heavy.  The problem was she was in the middle of an interesting section on something called elfroot which seemed to be extremely useful in a variety of things.  She wasn’t positive if Solas’ good grace towards her would continue or when she would have another chance to look at this book.  Perhaps if she just let her eyes rest for a moment she could continue, just for a bit longer.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Solas squinted his eyes in the fading light as he finished off the last notation he was working on.  When that was done, he let his quill drop flexing his fingers.  It was only then the lack of sound registered to him.  The girl’s movements behind him for so long tonight had become something he’d grown used to, faster than he’d like to admit.  After being alone so long outside of the Fade, it should not be so easy to become accustomed to another presence in his space.  Yet she seemed to have this uncanny way of worming herself in without him even realizing it.

Thoughts of the girl were like an insect buzzing about in his head.  Eventually, they would leave him and he could turn his attention back completely to the more pressing issues.   Despite what the girl may seem he could not afford to make mistakes and if his time in this world had taught him anything it was that trust was something he could ill afford to give easily, not when so much was at stake.

Solas stood and turned towards her mouth opening to prompt her departure.  What he saw when he turned made him pause and his mouth shut without a word.   The girl was leaned back against his bed, her feet tucked beneath her, and head tilted to the side.  She’d removed her boots they set to one side of her while the other side had the open book on plant life.  The quill she’d been writing with rested loosely in her long ink-stained fingers and her chest moved in a soft, steady rhythm.

It was almost like seeing a completely different person.  He had suspected she was guarded but now, seeing her face while she slept, he had an idea of just how guarded.  There was a softness to her features now, a slight parting of the lips, and her brows smooth, the tension gone from her.

With quiet footsteps, he moved towards her and knelt in front of her.  He should wake her.  He should send her back to her room; he’d even let her take the book she seemed to have latched onto so tightly.  Yet he hesitated.

Instead, he found himself standing and going to retrieve his bedroll.  With careful movements, he set it down next to her moving the notebook from her lap and the large compendium from its place next to her.  When he lifted the notebook, he couldn’t help glancing at it.  The sketches were surprisingly well done given that her script was messy and barely readable, the letters all squished together and hastily written.  

Though he knew he shouldn’t his curiosity won over and he flipped through some of the pages stopping when he saw a notation that had been underlined with particular verocity, “do not go to Orlais ever.”  A smile curved the corner of his lips and his finger brushed over the words before he realized what he was doing.  The smile vanished and he shut the book setting it next to the rest of her things.

That done he laid out the bedroll next to her before reaching out and gently removing the quill from her hand.  He couldn’t help but note that he had been right in his earlier assumption that her hands would be callus free.  Other than the ink now staining her fingers they were unmarred, skin smooth and pale, not hands used to manual labor or wielding a weapon.  

Where had she come from?  This creature so unexpectedly dropped here.  Across the sea perhaps?  Could she be Voshai?  Or from one of the Boeric Ocean's islands?  He knew little about either of these.  He should look into them more.  Especially now that he had a language that was unique to her.  Though he still was not sure what to make of her reaction to him describing the letters.  

He had described a few of the letters wrong on purpose and she had said nothing.  She was clearly literate, so how was it possible she did not know this?  Was she playing him?  Trying to mislead him in some form?  To what end?

He set the quill next to her things glancing at the bag that now contained the things of hers Leliana had brought him.  Strange things indeed, no magic that he could sense.  One of them he recognized as some kind of key, though not like any he had seen.  The other two items he could not begin to guess and the stubborn girl would likely never tell him.

Solas turned his attention back to her easing one arm behind her back and one arm under her knees he lifted her ever so slightly.  He froze once he had her up.  She stirred letting out a small hum in the back of her throat before stilling again.  Once he was sure she would not wake he moved her onto the bedroll easing his arms out from under her with utmost care.

Once that was done, he covered her with a fur and stood.  It was his intent to go back to his things and put them away before sleeping himself.  However, he found himself watching her a moment longer.  The events of the previous night had played in his head on an irritatingly consistent loop throughout the day.

This little creature walking up till she was only a hand's width away from him, having to tilt her face up to meet his gaze, a spark of challenge in her eyes.  What was she?  What was she that she was able to dig her way into his thoughts with such ferocity?  Lodging her claws in and refusing to release him again.

A cat indeed.

As he watched her, something changed.  The soft upward curve  of her mouth turned down.  Soon her brows furrowed and he saw the fingers of the hand that rested near her head twitch.  Something was not right.  When he looked closer, he noticed sweat had started to form on her brow.

That was when he felt it.  

One of his wards had been broken.  It had been subtle, a minuscule tear in the barrier.  The demon that had done it was undoubtedly clever.  It was rare for demons to go through the trouble of breaking through his wards or to have the strength to accomplish such.  Even in his current state, his magic would not have been easy to break through.  For it to go through that trouble…

He had to get to her and fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading again! I'm so overwhelmed by all the love you guys have shown for Ella and Solas. I know some of you are big fans of Ivy too and I promise she hasn't vanished or anything and I have no intention of downplaying her. She has just been busy with Herald stuff so mainly sees Ella in the mornings and sometimes evenings as of right now. She'll continue to play a prominent part in the story as well as some other original characters that haven't popped up yet, one of which will definitely play a pretty prominent role and some others who will probably show up as less major players but hopefully still enjoyable (or not if they're not meant to be :P.)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this one. Now I have to give some bad news. There will be no update next Friday. I really try to keep it to weekly updates but sometimes life happens and in this case I will be out of town for the weekend so will be unable to update. Sorry! So you won't get Chapter 11 till the following week. I promise I will try to make sure it is worth the wait ;)


	11. A Cat Tempted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off wow you guys! Thank you for all the love you've given this fiction. I am so happy others are enjoying. Every time I get a comment, bookmark, kudo, or subscription it totally makes my day. To be honest I'm a little overwhelmed by it all and I can't express my love for you guys enough!
> 
> I know it isn't Friday. Sorry! I promise I will go back to my usual Friday posting from now on. I am going on vacation for two weeks at the end of the month/beginning of May for an early b-day trip but it is to visit family, and I'm taking my laptop. So it shouldn't interrupt updates :).
> 
> I couldn't resist posting this now because it was done. I was just too excited to share it with everybody and see how you all liked it. I hope you enjoy it. It was a pretty fun one to write. It is about twice the length of my normal chapters so hope that doesn't put anyone off.
> 
> There are a few little phrases in French and German. I wasn't sure if I should put the translation here or at the end but picked here since the terms won't spoiler anything and are at the beginning of the chapter. If you'd rather it be at the end, in the text, or me try to avoid foreign language in the future let me know!
> 
>  **Mein Schatzi** \- German for my treasure or darling  
>  **Donzelle cruelle** \- French for cruel wench

Ella cupped the hot mug in her hands. The steam from the coffee rose up filling her nostrils with a wonderful nuttiness. She sighed leaning back on the porch swing and letting her legs rock her gently back and forth.

She’d missed coffee; her eyes looked down at the hot liquid for a moment, brows furrowing. Odd. She had coffee every morning.  Why would she feel as though she missed it so much?

Fingertips brushed the back of her neck, followed by soft, warm breath on her ear, “Good morning, mein schatzi.” A brush of lips and tickle of stubble on the back of her neck before he came around and sat next to her on the swing. Ella smiled and brought her legs up to rest on her husband’s lap, his hands caressing her calf idly, “Did you get enough sleep?”

Once again she found herself feeling a bit off by the question, though why she wasn’t sure. “I… yes I believe so.”

“I was thinking.”

Ella smiled, her eyes wandering to the forest surrounding their home, “Oh, that’s always a terrifying thing.”

A mock expression of pain came to his face, and he held a hand to his chest, “You wound me.”

“You oughta be used to it by now.”

“Femme cruelle.” Luke reached forward, grabbing her and pulling her to him. Ella let out a squeal of protest as she just barely managed to rescue her coffee.

“Hey! Not nearly so cruel as someone who would spill coffee.  It did nothing to you, sir.”

Luke raised an eyebrow, reaching forward and grabbing her coffee mug from her before leaning over the side to set it on the ground.  “But the lady has.”

He started running his fingers along her hips finding the points he knew she was most ticklish.  She’d never been ticklish in the typical areas, but there was one part of her hips that were particularly susceptible. This spot was something he had discovered in their years together and now used to his advantage.

Ella squealed and tried to wiggle away. His hands gripped her tighter, and his mouth went to her neck. He nibbled at her skin as his raven hair tickled her cheek. Soon he forgot about the tickling and instead wrapped her closer to him.

“You were saying you had a thought.” As she spoke her eyes remained half-closed and her head tilted to expose neck.

When he spoke, she felt his lips vibrate against her throat, “Yeah.  I thought we might have Tess and Merri over for dinner tonight.  I’ll cook.”

Ella froze, eyes snapping open, and her head started to pound.  “Who?”

“Tess and Merri.”

No. No no no. Ella pulled herself from his arms, standing and going to the edge of the porch. Her eyes took in the area around her, examining. Now that she looked she noticed things. There were little things here and there that just weren’t right. There were no cars in their driveway, the trees were repetitive, and a variety of other little details were missing.  

It all came back to her in a rush. The reality of it almost made her fall to her knees. Instead, she took a deep shaking breath and wrapped her arms around herself. “A dream.”

“What’s wrong? Sit with me again, mein schatzi.”

Ella’s brows furrowed, “Stop. Enough of this.” Ella squeezed her eyes shut trying to focus it all away.  This was too cruel.  Willpower.  It was about willpower so she should be able to…

“Why fight it?” The voice was still the same smooth baritone of Luke’s but the tilt of the words, the menacing coo behind them, was decidedly not him. “This could be your reality.  You would be happy again, home.”

She let out a bitter sound and opened her eyes again. The home was gone. They were surrounded by trees but between the trees was darkness unlike any she’d ever seen. Every trunk oozed sap that looked too much like blood oozing from wounds.  

A flash of movement in the darkness.  Guttural noises and the rustling of leaves growing ever closer.  Her heart began to race, and she froze.  Hooded figures came seeping from the darkness pointing at her, hissing.  Something tightened around her neck.  Rough material cut into the soft flesh of her throat, rubbing her raw. She couldn’t breathe.  Her heart fluttered in her chest beating with such force she feared it might fail her.  As she struggled for breath her heart sped faster, panic threatening to take over. Her fingers came up to her neck, clawing at the rope, cutting into her skin.

Then release.

Fingers fluttering frantic at her throat now free as she took in great gasps of air.  

“You could avoid this fate. All these fears. You could be happy.  All you need to do is give me control. I’ll take care of everything, and you can stay back at that house with a loving husband.  No blood on your hands. No rope snapping your neck.”

She swung around to face the voice, eyes meeting the demon in her husband’s form, “An imaginary happiness. Falsehoods, lies.  I won’t live a lie.” Though the rope had been imagined her voice was still rough, throat aching from the left-over sensations of being clamped so roughly.  “I accept what I have done in my life, good and bad.  I will find my own way back, my own happiness.”

“Oh?  If not for you than what of her.” The demon’s hand gestured to the left. Ella’s eyes followed to find Merri or the illusion of Merri.  One moment a beautiful child full of life and wonder. The next a grotesque mockery, head wobbling at an odd angle as blood trickled out of the corner of a grinning mouth.  A hint of white showing in disturbing contrast amongst the crimson bloom at the bend in the neck. “You’d not give a little to see her live again?”

“I would give anything to have her live again, but this is not her living, it is not her, and you are not him.”

The creature shrugged, “I’m offering you a once in a lifetime deal here.  I’m doing you a favor.  It could all be real to you if you’d let it.”

“Take it off.”  The demon continued to grin.  Ella took a step towards it.  Her hands balled into tight fists, nails biting into her palms, “Take off his face.  You’re not worthy of it.”

“Leave. Now.”  Ella’s shoulder stiffened.  The voice behind her was seeping with venom, deep and threatening but she still knew it.

The demon seemed to hesitate a moment before squaring its shoulders and seeming to grow some in size, “Or what?  You’re weakened.  I can feel it; you think you could defeat me?”

“Try.”

The demon paused, eyes glued to a spot just behind Ella that she knew must be Solas.  With a forced casualness the demon let out a low rumble of a laugh.  “This has been amusing, but now I’ve grown bored.  I’ll take my leave.”  Before the demon left its eyes went to Ella, “Just remember, the wolf won’t always be there.”

The demon left and took the forest with it. Ella felt her legs shake and finally give as her knees hit the snow. Solas came around to her, bending down in front of her, long fingers reaching to gently lift her chin and examine her neck.

“It didn’t feel like a dream, in the beginning.”

“They often do not. Most untrained mages would not be able to tell the difference so easily.” She heard the questioning in his words. For some reason, it made her warm to him that he didn’t directly press her. He released her chin and stood. “I will make you something for the bruising.”

“I... it tried to give me back someone who was lost many many years ago. In truth, if it hadn’t I might not have caught on so easily.” she released one more long exhale before plopping back to sit in the snow, not caring as she felt the wetness seep into her clothing. Though she could feel the cold, it wasn’t the same here and was easy enough for her to ignore.

“We see these mountains day and night. If you would permit me, I would show you somewhere else.”

“You can do that?”

Without any outward sign of movement, Solas changed the area.  There was a wash of green, her clothing dry again, and tall grass tickled the exposed parts of her legs. As she looked around now, she saw they were in a beautiful garden, lush and full to the rim of plants she’d never seen before. There was a pond off to one side with water cascading into it from a small waterfall in some rocks.

The whole area was a host of smells.  Some were familiar, like lavender and rose, others were like nothing she’d ever smelled before.  

“This is a real place?”

“It was.”

She stood and walked over to a nearby plant, examining the leaves before taking one between her fingers and rubbing.  “You had this in your lodging.  Elfroot?”

“That is correct.”

Soon her eyes wandered to the other plants, and she was flitting about touching and smelling.  She asked Solas question after question, so he eventually got up to follow her as he answered each one in turn.

When they’d almost gone through half the garden, she paused just as she was leaning down to look at the bell like flower she thought must be crystal grace, fingers stilling inches from the stem. Warmth flowed into her limbs as she  turned to Solas tilting her head, “You did this on purpose.”

Solas’ face did not change, but he shifted, squaring his shoulders and holding his hands behind his back, “And what is it you presume I did?”

Ella felt her eyes soften and a smile light her lips; she took a step closer to him, and he stayed still as a statue. Instead of stopping she moved closer until she brushed past him. As her shoulder brushed against him, she turned her head just a bit towards him, “Thank you.”  

She continued past him finding another spot in the grass and laying down there her eyes going to look at the clouds. When he came towards her, she sensed him stopping a little bit away from her.  

“I might have been too quick to judge you, Solas.” Her fingers brushed along the top of the grass as she spoke.

“You are admitting to being wrong?”

She let out a laugh, “Why do you sound so surprised?  Do you think I judged correctly?”

Ella heard Solas’ feet in the grass as he shifted, “It is not often that those still in their youth are willing to admit mistakes.”

At that Ella’s brows furrowed and she set up tilting her head to look at him, “Maybe, I wasn’t wrong after all.  Why do you keep doing that?  Referring to me like I’m a child?”

Solas looked down at her; one brow raised, “How old are you?”

“24.”

He turned his gaze back to the garden, “Ah yes. I apologize.  You are a crone.”

Ella had to hold back the bark of laughter that threatened to escape her lips, “Smart-ass.”

“I try.”

At that, she did let out a small snort before plopping down into the grass again fingers going back to fidgeting in the cool blades topped with dew.  “You try? Does that mean you practice? Are you planning on insulting me more?”

“Would you like that?”

“Oh yes, greatly.”

“Than I shall not.”

Ella gave an exaggerated pout, “How cruel of you to deprive a lady of her amusements.”

“I could think of much better amusements I could offer.”  His voice was low and smooth when he spoke, the tone making her fingers still instantly.  Had he just… was that a… no, she was surely imagining. Solas continued, “I would like to refrain from lessons in the morning for now.”

Yes, definitely in her mind.  Ella’s fingers went back to brushing the grass, “Did I do something to scare you off?”

“No.  I have other matters I must attend.  It would not hurt for you to have a day of rest.  I also believe it would benefit you to work on willpower and control in dreaming.  Not only to prevent future incidents but increasing your knowledge in the Fade will aid your control of your abilities.”

Ella frowned, and her mind raced as she looked for the right words, “Did I do something wrong with my wards?  Upset one on accident or…”

“The demon broke through my wards.  It can happen if one is determined enough.  Dreamers tend to attract---”

“Your wards?  What does…” Ella’s eyes widened, and she set up so fast she got dizzy for a moment, “Wait where am I right now?  I mean my actual body?”

“In my room.”

“What!?”  Ella tried to force herself awake but found she couldn’t, “Why can’t I wake up?  Why didn’t you make me go back to my room? This is---”

“You can not wake up because you are frantic.  Calm your mind.  Focus.”

Ella shut her eyes, taking deep breaths and counting down in her head from 10.  When she opened them, she was looking at Solas’ ceiling.  She threw off the furs she was covered in, and her eyes darted around searching for her things.

With fumbling fingers she pulled on her boots and stood looking frantically for her bag. She spotted it on the floor at the end of his bed sitting neatly next to the Botanical Compendium. Her fingers closed over the leather, and she gripped it to her chest, pausing to glance at the book once more before starting to leave.

“Take it.”

Ella paused and turned to find Solas now sitting on the side of his bed watching her. He was still fully dressed looking the same as when she had come in last night. Somehow she doubted she looked nearly as put together, especially if the curls tickling her neck and cheeks were any indication.

“What?”

“You should take the Compendium. I trust you will take care of it.  You may bring it back when you are done.”  

“I...  Thank you.” Ella leaned down lifting the heavy book and holding it to her chest, careful to keep her grip on the bag she carried also.  She opened her mouth trying to think of what to say.  When nothing came she simply nodded at him and hurried towards the door.  When she opened it she froze, almost dropping the book in her hand.

“Well, what have we here?  Have a sleep-over did we, Kitten?”

Ella shook her head, “N-no it’s not what it looks like I swear.  It’s just… that is, we were…” Varric raised an eyebrow and continued to grin at her. Ella felt her face growing warm. She was keenly aware that her clothing was likely crumbled and her hair in disarray, “Varric stop that.”

Varric threw up his hands, “I wasn’t aware I was doing anything.”

“You’re thinking things.”

“Ah, Master Tethras. Greetings,”  Solas spoke from behind

“Hey, Chuckles. Fun night?”

“I do not know that would be an apt word choice. Interesting, perhaps.”

“The lady is still standing right here, Chuckles.”

“Ugh,” Ella wished she had developed more useful abilities, like invisibility or melting into a puddle, maybe time travel. Any of those would be acceptable at this point. “I told you---”

Varric waved her statement away, “I know, it isn’t what it looks like. Oldest line in the book.”

A line out of a book was suitable given her situation the past few days, the current one being so cliche as to be ridiculous. Solas shifted, moving so close she could feel the heat of his body on her back.

His scent filled her nostrils a mix of parchment, cedar, and… elfroot perhaps? Plus the musky scent of body odor, different from what she was used to. It reminded her of walking in the middle of a forest, earthy and comforting.

It occurred to her that she’d never actually been this close to him outside of the Fade.  Why would she be able to smell other things in the Fade but had not noticed him before? Did she have a scent in the Fade? Were you only able to smell things you'd smelled before?  That didn't make sense either.  She was pretty sure she hadn't smelled all those plants in the garden.  

“You needed something, Master Tethras?” Ella flushed realizing that standing there with Solas practically pressed against her back was probably not aiding her argument.  

“Chuckles, call me Varric. That Master Tethras stuff gives me a headache.” Ella moved out of the door starting past Varric with her head down eager to get back to the safety of her room.

She heard the door to Solas’ lodging close as he followed her out, speaking from behind her, “I will send someone with a poultice for your neck.”  

“Her neck? Chuckles, I didn’t peg you as that type.”

Instead of answering Ella felt her face grow even hotter, something that she had thought impossible, and she picked up her pace even more. It was without even thinking that she headed towards the Chantry and the library that waited in its basement. Cleaning it would give her something of a distraction.  

Besides, maybe that way it would be less obvious that she spent the night in her mage tutors lodging. Her neck itched from the feeling that everyone was watching her. No amount of logic saying that was ridiculous would make her racing heart slow.  

She must have some small amount of luck still. Her trip to the library went by without interruption. Once she was in the dark dank space, she let out a sigh of relief. She noted, with mild interest, somebody had placed fresh candles on several candle-stands in the space. Though she had no idea how to go about lighting them.

She glanced around the area hoping for a lighter to magically appear. Magic. Right, she had that now. It would be a risk. She was currently in a room with tons of flammable materials. With a deep sigh, she went to the nearest candle.

Willpower. If she just let go of a little. If she focused. What was it Solas had said? A trickle, she just needed to concentrate on a trickle. She shut her eyes and let warmth flow through her limbs, careful to keep it slow and controlled. It wasn’t long before she felt heat in her palms and stopped the flow of energy in haste.

Her eyes widened as she took in the small flickering flame.  She’d done it. She’d actually done it, and she hadn’t killed herself or burned down the Chantry. It was ridiculous, getting this excited over something like lighting a candle. Still, she allowed herself a moment of pride before using that candle to light the others. When that was finished, she got to work on cleaning out the space.

Hours must have passed down in that basement. Time here wasn’t kept like in her world. It was nearly impossible for her to track without the sun and moon’s movement. What she could guess from the candles was that she’d been down here most of the day, if not all of it.

Ella let out a sneeze that echoed off the stone walls clashing with the quiet of the place. The first few times she had done so it had made her nervous. The sounds of her usually quiet sneeze magnified, making her fear that she had shattered her hope of solitude for the day. However, no one had approached her; no footsteps sounded on the stone outside the little room.  

In the hours she had been down here she had probably sneezed enough to fill a lifetime. The dust had covered every inch of the library so thick that it was constantly tickling her nostrils no matter how she tried not to breathe it in.  

She stood back, brushing a hand through her hair and feeling the stickiness of cobwebs. What she wouldn’t give for a shower.  Still, at least, the library was less horrid now. Though the candles had burned to nearly nothing, and she had gone through all the rags provided, the area was now mostly free of the dust and spiderwebs that had dominated it.

With a sigh, she tossed the last rag in the corner with the small pile of others. She’d ask how to go about washing them, or disposing of them, later. For now, she’d make use of the space she had cleaned while some candle remained. Though she’d need to ask for more of those too. She’d just have to hope they didn’t get tired of all her requests and decide it was easier to toss her in a cell again or, worse, out in this strange world to fend for herself.

Her eyes went to the Botanical Compendium Solas had given her. For a moment, she debated reading it but memories of what had happened last night came back to her mind. Right now, that book was a reminder. She would appreciate Solas’ unexpected generosity later, when it didn’t remind her of husbands she missed, little girls long lost to her, and rope tightening around her neck.

She swallowed quickly turning away from the large book sitting on the desk and turning her attention to the ones on the shelves.  Her fingers reached out touching the bindings as she mumbled the titles she passed. Many of them appeared to be religious tomes. Not surprising given her location, still not what she wanted at the moment.

As she looked, she heard the echo of footfall on stone. Though she continued with what she was doing the titles no longer registered with her and she held her breath, afraid of who the footsteps might bring. As they neared she started a mantra in her head, please let them walk by, please let them just keep going. Please please please.

They stopped right behind her, and her back stiffened despite her efforts to remain aloof.  

“Here you are. I didn’t believe Josie when she said you might be down here.” At the sound of the familiar voice, she felt her shoulders sag with relief and turned to see Ivy looking around the room with a rather disgusted look on her face. “I don’t know how you can stand it. We both spent enough time down here to last a lifetime. I mean seriously,” She reached out and pulled on the door to the library which was the same as the prison cells, “they don’t even have a real door on this place. It’s like deja vu but with more books.”

Ella shrugged, “Also minus the piss broth.”

Ivy smiled, “True enough.  Still… I like reading as much as anyone, but a Chantry library is just bleh. You’ll not find anything interesting down here.”

“I figured it was worth a shot. Maybe I’ll learn something interesting.”

“Oh not likely.  Have you eaten anything or did you keep yourself buried in this hole all day?”

Ella opened her mouth to answer, and her stomach rumbled at the reminder of food. “I lost track of time.”

“Good thing I’ve come to drag you back to the Singing Maiden then. I think she made a batch of soup with just vegeta--”

“I appreciate it, but you don’t have to ask for that. I need to get used to eating it eventually.” So far she hadn’t had too many issues from eating meat.  A bit of an upset stomach on occasion and some issues going to the bathroom but she figured that was also partly due to no longer having a toilet or any of the other things she was used to.

“I still don’t know how you got unused to eating meat.” Ivy leaned against the bars at the entry crossing her arms, “In any case, I’m being forced to go to the Hinterlands to talk to some Chantry mother. Jeanette or something. I’m taking Varric, Cassandra, and your elf with me so…”

“He is not _my_ elf.” Ella felt her face flush again and turned to gather her things.

“Sure. You guys just sleep together.”  Ella sighed in response, and Ivy continued, “Point is we are off as soon as possible.  I want some fun before I leave and to spend time with my honorary sister.”

This was excellent news. It might give her the opportunity to try and make it to the Breach. Ella stuck her notebook back in her bag and pulled it as closed as it would go.

“Not gonna lie. I’m a little worried about your definition of fun.”  Though whatever it was, it would likely serve as a useful distraction and way to fight off sleep.  If she was honest, she wasn’t too eager to dream again anytime soon.  With her things packed up, she picked up her bag and the book going over to Ivy, who straightened and brought an arm around Ella’s shoulders.

“Trust me it’ll be good. For one, Varric and I are going to teach you to gamble.” Ivy reached up plucking a cobweb out of Ella’s hair, “Maybe let you use your washbasin first.”

Ella snorted and started down the hall, Ivy slowing her long legs to keep next to her, “I think you forget that I have absolutely nothing to my name. What am I going to gamble with?”

“I’ll leave that to Varric.”

“Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.”

As they walked, they talked about the Hinterlands and the upcoming trip.  The conversation allowed Ella to more easily ask questions, and she learned more about the Hinterlands.  Including that, it was currently torn in a war between Templars and mages. It gave her another reason to be happy she was not being included in this little outing. At least here she was relatively safe so long as she kept mostly out of notice.

When they got to the tavern, Varric was already there. Ivy went to join him, and Ella went up to her room eager to try to get some of the grime off.  

The washbasin was filled, but the water was chilly.  It was something, though. When she’d come she’d been afraid she’d not get another wash after that first bath she'd been treated to.  Though her bathing was just quick cleaning with a cloth, it was still better than nothing.  

Ella stripped off her clothing and took her wash towel, cleaning herself as quickly as she could. Next, she picked up the outfit she’d been wearing and tried to knock off as much dust as possible before putting it back on. She didn’t have much clothing here, so it was necessary to continue to wear her dirty clothing even after she’d washed. Add washing machines to the list of things she missed.

Next, she brushed through the knots in her hair, coming up with more cobwebs than she’d thought possible.  That done, she dunked her head in the basin of water bringing her fingers up to massage her scalp as the water soaked into her roots.  When she felt her hair had gotten completely wet, she lifted her head and quickly grabbed for the towel to wrap her hair.  

Teeth chattering she went and set on the end of her bed rubbing her hair as dry as she could before going to work braiding it.  As her fingers smoothed through the damp locks, her eyes went to the blue hoodie neatly folded on the bed.

It had all felt so real. Luke’s lips as she had remembered them.  The tickle of his stubble against her skin, the warmth of him.  The rough fibers of the rope about her neck. Her fingers fluttered from her hair to her neck, trembling. The area the rope had been felt tender, and she winced as she brushed against it.  

When Solas had said she could be affected in the real world by the things that happened in her dreams the implications of it hadn’t fully hit her. Now she had to still her heart and focus on taking even breaths. Eager to get her mind distracted again she hurried to finish the last of her braid and leave to join Ivy and Varric down in the pub.

She paused on the last step surprised to see more than just Ivy and Varric there. With them was Cassandra and Cullen.  It was a bit intimidating to think of sitting down with all of them and she debated going back upstairs before realizing the idea of being left to her thoughts was worse than anything else right now.  With a deep breath, she started over to them.

As she neared the table she heard Cassandra’s voice over the pub’s singer, “I still don’t understand how drakes take that hand.”

“Hmmm… maybe we should start you on shepherd's six.” Varric glanced to Ella as he spoke winking at her as she took the seat between Ivy and Varric that put her across from Cullen.  

Cassandra’s eyes were on her cards, and she missed the wink, but her brows furrowed, “Isn’t that a children’s game?”

“Yeah.”

“Your humor never ceases to amaze me, Varric.” Her tone was flat, and she rolled her shoulders as she spoke still not looking up. “Has the Herald told you of our upcoming journey?”

Ella knew the question must be directed at her, “She has.”

Cullen spoke next, “I will be staying here. If you need anything, please come to me. I’m no mage, but I am… _was_ , a templar.  I will be able to…” He paused, his mind seemingly wandering.

“Commander Cullen.” Cassandra’s voice was tender in a way she wouldn’t have expected from the warrior.

When he spoke again, his words came out in something of a rush, “Yes.  Sorry.  I will be able to help should the need arise.  I would have you trust me.” He smiled and gestured towards her.  “We went ahead and dealt. Hope you don’t mind.”

Ella looked at the cards in front of her before picking them and looking at the unfamiliar images, “Thank you and no, I don’t mind.  I’ve never played before though so…”

Cullen smiled warmly at her, “We’ll play a practice round first before the real game begins.”

Varric tapped his cards against the table, “I’ll explain as we go, Kitten. Spiker can help you with your hand this round.”

“Hey now,” Ivy held her deck protectively against her chest eyes wide in mock horror, “She may be my Sissy, but I never agreed to help the competition.”

With that, the game started.  It was only a matter of minutes before Ella was completely enthralled in the game and the company.  She found Cassandra to be surprisingly good-humored despite the almost constant flow of ughs Varric pulled from her. Cullen seemed to just enjoy being there, to enjoy having a moment to not think, it made her wonder if it was more than the Inquisition that kept the circles under the Commander's eyes.

Either way, she soon lost any sense of time and found she could simply enjoy herself for the first time since she’d arrived in this strange place. Though it wouldn’t last, and she knew she couldn’t afford to get comfortable, it wouldn’t hurt to have a few hours of ease.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Sorry again if it was too long for you. If you hated the length, or loved the length, let me know. I always love feedback so I know what I'm doing right and what I need to work on! :D
> 
> Shout out to [fnuckle](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fnuckle) for beta reading this for me. She was super helpful! If you all want a great Modern Girl In Thedas story that is a Cullenmance and Solas bff instead of Solasmance check her out.


	12. Solas - A Wolf In Denial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! This is another longer chapter since no one seemed to mind the last one ;). :P
> 
> So there is a song in this one. If you'd like to here it here it is on youtube, [ Devil's Backbone by the Civil Wars](https://youtu.be/yUMiEkMjtOQ). The female singers voice is pretty spot on for how I imagine Ella's voice. Which is amusing to other characters because when she talks her voice is more on the high-pitched little sweetie end of the spectrum. It is possible. I have a higher pitched speaking voice and I can sing soprano but do best in alto. 
> 
> Anyways, I'll let you get on to the story after one more thing. In the end notes I'm sticking a link to a comic page I made to go with the story. Feel free to look at it or not if you'd rather imagine what Ella looks like without having a picture. I totally understand that :). 
> 
> Enjoy.

Solas finished the paste, sealing it in a small container. His room now smelled strongly of elfroot and amrita vein. In truth, the amrita vein had been unnecessary. It was rare and he had few available to him. Normally, he would not have wasted it. Yet, it had simply seemed to fit her.

It was likely she would question him on this, like what was in it and why he’d chosen those herbs. How would he explain amrita vein? He could simply leave it out and hope she would not recognize the smell. If she did he was sure he could come up with some viable reason.

He picked up the small jar, heading towards the pub. He could have given it to someone to take over but the pub was close. It would likely take more time to find someone who could go than to just go himself.

When he entered The Singing Maiden he started towards the stairs, but the voices he heard in the room stopped him.  He glanced towards the noise and was surprised to see the small group that had gathered to play cards.  None had noticed him come in.  Not even the ever vigilant Seeker or Commander.  

From his position he could see the girl and she looked so… alive.  The smile on her face was brilliant and seemed to light the area around her.  He felt a jolt to his system.  A startle of sensation, an awareness that burned its way along the nerves beneath his skin with warmth and something dangerously close to pleasure.

The suddenness of it unsettled him.  The fingers of the hand not carrying the jar curled and uncurled.  He felt himself becoming restless in a way he hadn’t been for sometime.  She was affecting him, something he had thought he’d managed to protect himself against now.  It had been so long since anyone had made him so unsure, so very restless.  Part of him wanted to flee it, to flee her.  A larger part of him wanted to be with her.  To go to her and have that smile turned to him.  To see the light in her blue eyes as they met his.

A familiar, though long absent, urge stirred in him.  It was dangerous.  Dangerous to her.  Dangerous to him.  Dangerous for what he must do.  His fist clenched and he turned to the bar.  Flissa looked at him eyebrow raised, “Did ya want a drink?”

“No.  I brought this for the girl staying upstairs.”  He set the jar on the counter, “Please see that she gets it.”

He started towards the door, not looking at the table again.  The noise suddenly died, including the familiar voice of the tavern’s bard, and he froze as a rich voice filled his ears with song.  The voice was quiet and unsure at first, but soon grew stronger as she got pulled into her song.

He knew he should leave but the song was like a spell.  Her voice wrapping itself around him and holding him in place.  The lyrics were about a man who was loved by a woman.  A man who was possibly guilty of doing something horrible but who she loved none the less.  As it went on he felt an odd clenching in his chest.  He felt his pulse was beating faster than normal, surprised that the song was able to pull that much of a reaction from him.

Everything was quiet for a moment.  There was a stillness the Singing Maiden rarely experienced before a loud female voice sounded, “Well shit.  Varric, you gotta beat Sissy at cards more often if this is our reward.”

The sound of drunken conversation started up again drowning out any response the girl might have given.  Solas quickly opened the door and left, heading towards the sanctuary of his lodging.  He tried to think of other things besides the girl’s voice.  To not think on the words and the passion with which they were sung.  To not imagine her glow as her lips released the rich sounds.

It was wise not to give her more lessons for now.  He needed to gather himself.  He was no youth to be overwhelmed by a pretty face.  It had simply been long since he had met anyone worth note.  She was a curiosity.  The need was simply something primal and it would leave soon enough.  As such things did.

The next day she’d wiggled her way into his thoughts more times than he could count.  How easy and natural it was to flirt with her.  How her mouth curved when she teased back.  Her quick wit.  The curiosity that shone in her eyes even when she tried to suppress it.  When he’d almost felt physical pain at the sight of her neck rubbed raw.  The feel of relief when he realized no other damage had been done.

The day after that it happened less.  Eventually, he was able to redirect most of his focus to the matters at hand.  He spent his time working on several different things.  He went outside of Haven to work on strengthening his magic more.  It was frustrating to him that he was no longer able to do spells that had once been second nature.

When he wasn’t doing that, he often spent his time bent over various maps and history texts.  He suspected there was an artifact still intact somewhere in the Hinterlands that he could use.  The trick was finding its location, and then finding a reason why the Herald would bother to go to it.

The day before they were scheduled to leave, Solas bent over his desk examining another map.  If his calculations were correct he knew the artifact had to be somewhere in this vicinity.  However, the map was not the best and pinpointing an exact spot was proving a challenge.

A knock sounded at the door pulling him from his thoughts.  He sighed, glancing at the map once more before straightening and going over to open the door.  When he did he was greeted by the Child of the Stone looking at him with that lopsided grin, “Hey Chuckles.”

“Hello.”  Solas stepped outside shutting the door behind him and turning back to the dwarf,  “What is the reason for this unexpected visit?”  

“No real reason, Chuckles.”  Varric shrugged,  “You just spend too much time in your own shell.  Thought I’d come by and pry you out of it for a bit.”

“I imagine you will have plenty of time with me on our upcoming journey, Master Tethras.”

Varric raised an eyebrow, “ _I_ get plenty of interaction.  You on the other hand…”  Varric eyed him for a moment.

“If you have a question, ask it.”  Solas crossed his arms in front of him letting one hand come up to his chin.

“You really spend all your time in the Fade?”

“As much as possible.”  Solas shifted hands going back to his sides, “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

“Nope.  Just curious.  I don’t know how you dream.  Let alone wander around in there.”  Varric’s eyes went to the breach, “Especially when the shit that comes out of the Fade generally seems pretty cranky.”

“So are humans but we continue to interact with them… when we must.”

Varric let out one of his booming laughs “You know what I like about you, Chuckles?”  Solas eyed Varric somewhat warily.  “Your boundless optimism.”

“You know, it’s comforting that whatever qualities I lack, you’ll go ahead and invent for me.”

“I’m serious.  You’re an elven apostate helping Chantry close a hole in the sky.  What other explanation is there?”

Solas opened his mouth to deny that before closing it again,  “When you put it like that I must concede your point.  In any case, as much as I love your exceptional skills of observation, I did have something I was hoping to finish before we--”

“Ah good you’re out of your cave.”  Solas glanced over to see Ivy bounding over to them.  The woman’s face lacking her usual large smile.  “Solas, I need you to talk to her.”

Solas turned to face Ivy tilting his head, “Her?”

“Sissy.  Ella.”

Solas straightened more placing his hands behind his back, “If she wishes to ask me something--”

“No.”  Ivy waved a hand at him, “She would probably have my hide if she knew I’d come to you but she won’t talk to me.”  Her eyes narrowed brows furrowing, “It all started after that night she spent at your place.  I suspect you have a better chance at figuring out what is going on.”

“I have not seen her.  The salve I gave her for her neck should have--”

“Her neck!? What happened to her neck?” Ivy’s eyes went wide.  Solas, in the meantime, had to school his features at once more being interrupted mid-sentence.  Her eyes blazed turning to Varric, “Did you know about this?”

The dwarf held his hands out, “Calm down.  Whatever happened was an accident and her neck is--”

 “You _did_ know!” She jabbed a finger at Varric before turning it to Solas,  “And _you_!”  Her eyes darted between the two as though debating who to release her rage on first.

Solas stood his ground, face remaining calm, “I might help better if you would tell me what the problem is.”

“I…” The anger left her with a visible slumping of her posture.  Solas waited patiently for her to continue.  It was somewhat jarring watching the Herald be so uncharacteristically unsure, “I don’t know.  She won’t talk to me.  I don’t think she’s slept for days but she won’t confirm or deny it.  Just shrugs me off and says I’m imagining things and she’s fine.”  The herald lifted a hand, running it through her short hair, “I saw her though.  She almost passed out at one point from just bending over to get a book and her eyes… something just isn’t right and I can’t reach her.”

“Child of the Stone, have you observed this also?”

“Yes,” Varric crossed his arms over his chest the normally jovial face serious, “I also tried speaking to her.  She’s surprisingly good at avoiding the shit she doesn’t want to get into.”

“I am aware.”  An unexpected irritation clenched his chest.  It was on the tip of his tongue to ask why they hadn’t thought to come to him sooner.  Why _she_ hadn’t come to him.  Why he had been fool enough not to consider that her experience might have this kind of effect.  More importantly, why he cared so much more than he should.  Instead his jaw twitched before he spoke with forced calm, “Where is she now?”

Ivy let out a small gust of air, “In the Chantry basement.”

Solas gave a nod and started in the direction of the Chantry.  As he left he heard Varric’s voice behind him, “Come on, Spiker.  Let’s go get some food.”

As he walked the short distance he felt his irritation rise.  Once again he wondered why she hadn’t just come to him.  He could have easily helped her.  Perhaps it was pride that kept her away.  He shook his head.  No.  Not pride.  The girl was reluctant to let her real feelings show.  Perhaps she was afraid to show weakness.

When he got into the Chantry’s basement he had every intention of chastising her.  This kind of thing could not happen again.  If she fell asleep somewhere that wasn’t warded it would be much worse than the one desire demon.  He would need to make that clear.  Not to mention, he had more important matters to take care of than safeguarding a young woman.  No matter how interesting she may be.

Just as he was stepping into the small space he heard a loud thunk followed by a mumbled curse.  The girl had dropped a rather large tome and was leaning to get it as he entered.  When she stood her eyes meet his, and she dropped the book again in surprise.

“Damnit.”  She let out a huff and bent down once more.  Whatever words he had meant to speak were lost to him at the sight of her.   Her hair was even more disheveled than usual.  Her light blue eyes streaked with red.  Her eyelids seemed to be barely staying open.  Her entire face looked drawn.  She grabbed the book and took it over to one of the desks, slamming it down before scowling at it.

“What are you doing?”  

Her scowl turned to him, “Throwing books around apparently.   My intention is to research,”  He raised an eyebrow and she let out a small huff of air before going back to the shelves.  “I’m researching.  Researching....”

He waited for her to continue.  When she instead simply continued to stare at the shelves he spoke, “Researching?”

“I… yes.  That’s what I’m doing.  Researching… things.”  Her brows furrowed as she spoke and puzzled over the books in front of her.  

“Come with me.”

“No.  I’m busy.”  With that she grabbed a book and opened it, flipping through the pages.

“You need sleep.”

He saw her shoulders go rigid.  She stuck the book back on the shelf before turning to him.  “Why are you here?”  When he didn’t answer she let out another sigh, shoulders sagging again, “Ivy?”

“Yes.”

“I told her I’m fine.”

“You presume she is blind?”

She shot him a dirty look before sighing again.  Her hand fluttered to her brow, a frown forming, “I shouldn’t… I wish she wouldn’t bother with me.  There is…”  Her hand left her forehead and she wrapped her arms around herself, “She has so much as it is.  I shouldn’t worry her but I… I couldn’t bring myself to…”

“Come with me.”  It was more of an effort than he cared to admit to remain where he was.  He had the urge to go to her.  To wrap her in his arms and soothe the fear that kept her from sleeping.  Instead he waited.

It seemed like forever before she let out another sigh.  “Ok.”  As she walked over to him she picked up her cloak, fastening it before pulling the hood up.  When she passed him his hand went out to her.  He stopped it just short of touching her lower back, bringing it back to his side.

They walked in silence.  She let him take the lead once they exited the Chantry and he was careful to keep his pace slow.  When he opened the door to his lodging she hesitated, glancing towards the inn.

“I have things I need to prepare.  If I am to guard you I need you to sleep here.”  

Without a word she moved forward, her shoulder brushing against him as she passed.  He shut the door and turned to her.  She had pushed off her hood and was fumbling with the clasp of her cloak.  Exhaustion making her fingers clumsy.  

Before he even realized what he was doing he stood in front of her.  His own fingers reached forward to brush hers aside.  He unclasped the cloak and removed it from her shoulders laying it on the end of the bed.  When he glanced up again she was nibbling on her lower lip, a blush turning her cheeks a soft pink.

He swallowed and looked away.  With a quick movement he gestured at the bed before going to his desk.  “Sleep.”  He pulled out the desk chair and took a seat.  He grabbed the nearest book, opening it without really seeing the words.

“Will you…” Her voice was so quiet he had to strain to hear it, “I feel like a such a baby but if…”

“I will be aware if a ward is broken.”

“Would you like me to sleep on the floor?  I don’t wanna be a---”

“I will be fine.”

There was silence, followed by a soft rustling sound, as she settled on his bed.  “Thank you, Solas.”

It was only a matter of moments before he heard her breathing, soft and even, behind him.  Still the words on the pages in front of him refused to take root in his mind.  With a small sigh, he gave up trying and stood quietly.  If he couldn’t focus he would finish packing for the journey tomorrow.

He turned towards the room and his eyes went to the girl.  Once again he couldn’t help but be taken aback by how different she looked asleep.  Though this time she was curled in a ball instead of laying on her back, her face still held a softness to it that he didn’t see when she was awake.  She’d also taken out the bun she’d had her hair in.  The long curls now resting on his bed, silky red in contrast to the tan of his pillow.

His hand reached forward, fingers brushing a curl off her cheek.  He pulled his hand back, brows furrowing.  What had come over him?  First the cloak, now this.  He shook his head and turned from her to gather his things.

The distraction of packing worked as he had hoped.  Eventually, he was able to pull his mind away from the form behind him and back to his tasks.  He looked over the books and maps on his desk until finally, he found what he needed.  Though he still did not have a specific place where the ruins would be, he had greatly narrowed it down.  They should be easy enough to find.   _If_ he could get to that area of the Hinterlands.

He leaned back in his chair and stretched.  His ears caught a sound behind him and he turned his head towards it.  At some point the girl had rolled onto her back and was now snoring softly.  It felt oddly intimate to know that she snored.  It must be because he had traveled alone for so long.  He was no longer used to having to share a sleeping area with anyone.

With a glance at his packed bag, and the completed notes in front of him, he decided it was time to join her.  He stood and went to the bed, debating where would be the best place for him.  After remembering her reaction to waking up in his room the previous time, he decided it would be best not to lie in the bed with her.  Instead he settled on the floor next to the bed, sitting back against the mattress and shutting his eyes.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

This time he found her outside of Haven.  She was on the docks, overlooking the frozen lake.  Her legs hanging over the edge and swinging slowly back and forth.  The clothing she wore was odd.  It was similar to the clothing she had on when he had encountered her with the fear demon.  

She wore dark blue pants that seemed fitted and were made of some kind of material he didn’t recognize.  The grey top looked like a kind of wool.  The sleeves covered half her hands but left one shoulder bare.  As he went to stand next to her he could make out the dusting of freckles on the pale skin of that shoulder.  He briefly wondered if she had freckles everywhere or only places kissed by the sun.

“Your clothing is unique.”

She let out a laugh and turned her head to look up at him, “So you’ve said before.  Ya know, most people open with hello.”  He raised a brow.  She smiled and stood before starting to walk away from him.  His assumption on the pants had been correct.  They hugged to her skin showing a highly appealing curvature.  Her bottom looked voluptuous and taut, rounded in all the right places.  “Are you looking at my ass right now?”

His eyes went up to see her looking over her shoulder at him, a lopsided smile curving her lips.  He was not ashamed at his appreciation.  It was only natural for one to appreciate attractive attributes.  He was not immune to such things, as much as he wished it.  It meant nothing.  Still he did not need her inevitable teasing if he confirmed her suspicions.  “I was looking at your clothing.  What is that material?”  

She hesitated for a moment before responding, “Denim, I think.  They are called jeans.  Walk with me?”

He went to her and they walked together around the lake.  She didn’t seem to have any particular destination in mind and he simply followed her lead.  It was peaceful.  Quiet.  Something he rarely got in the waking world now.  The constant sounds of people going about their business and soldiers training was something he’d become used to.  Though he would not say he enjoyed it.

“You once told me demons are spirits that were corrupted.  That they are affected by people.  Wishes gone wrong.”  She stopped suddenly taking a deep breath.  He turned to her but she was looking at the lake again and wouldn’t meet his gaze.  “Did I do that?  Did I corrupt a spirit somehow?”

At first he wasn’t sure what she was referring to.  Then the image of her facing down the demon came into his mind.  He wanted to reach out, to rest a hand on her shoulder in comfort, but instead he clasped his hands behind his back.  “No.  It was likely the breach.”

“Ah.”

To his surprise he saw her shoulders relax, relief evident in her face.  After all she must have been through that night, she had been concerned that she had hurt a spirit?  Of all the things he had expected, this was not one of them.

“You are young to be a mother.  Do they have children young where you come from?”  The words were out before he could stop them.  His jaw clamped shut, twitching, but it was too late.  Regret felt heavy in his chest.  He had been curious but it might hurt her for him to pry.

However when she looked at him instead of pain confusion furrowed her brow.  “What are you…” Her eyes widened slightly before she shook her head, “Oh no that wasn’t… she wasn’t my daughter.  I don’t have kids.”

“I am sorry.  The question was inconsiderate of me.”

Her head tilted as she looked at him, “I was wrong about you, wasn’t I?  In my defense you don’t make it easy to see.”

Without waiting for his response she started walking again.  He watched her for a moment before following.  “We all have a face we want to show, and one we do not.  Do you claim to be different?”

“No.  I don’t but I can’t help but let people in.  You’re different.”  His eyes stayed on her face.  Not different enough it seemed.  “Perhaps it would be easier if I didn’t.  It will be harder.  Now that I have friends here.  It happened quickly.  Ivy, Varric, and now…”  She stopped walking again and glanced at him, nibbling her bottom lip.  Her words struck a chord inside him too closely reflecting something in himself.

“What do you---”

“When you look at Ivy what do you see?”  As he started to open his mouth she waved her hand dismissively at him, “I mean besides the mark, besides her being Herald.  What of Cassandra and what drives her to have such faith?  Varric and what pushes him to show such wit?”

They were shells.  A constant reminder to him of what the world should be but wasn’t.  A reminder of his mistake.  He had hoped, tried, to find more but been disappointed over and over.  Not only disappointed but shunned and feared.

“I do not know what you are implying.”  Lie.  To her and to himself.  There were things he did not wish to examine.  Places he could not go.  There was too much at stake.  Too much---

“Solas.”  The way she said his name, soft, almost pitying, a wisp of a word.  It drew his attention to her immediately and when he met her eyes, he felt the thrum of his heart speeding in his throat.  “Give them a chance.  Look past their outer shells.  See their true selves.”

Solas took one step towards her, his next words coming out unbidden, “How would you have me see you?”  

Her eyes widened.  Once more he caught the beginnings of a blush coloring her cheeks before she turned from him, “I wouldn’t.  I’m not that important.  Ivy needs you.  They all do.  If this breach is truly tied to the Fade you are the one with the best chance of finding answers.  They can help you too.  They are good people.  You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

A heaviness fell in his gut, his chest clenching.  He did.  Always.  It was for the best.  No one could know.  No one could walk this path with him.  He would not wish it on anyone.  Especially not her.  So why then?  Why did he find it so damn difficult to stay away?  

“We are running out of time.  I wish to show you how to monitor wards from here so you will know if one is disturbed.”  In answer, she gave a nod, and they went to work.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

As he was coming to expect, she was a quick learner.  Once he was confidant in her ability to sense the wards he went over other exercises for her to do while he was away.  Things that would strengthen her control in the Fade, and out of it, as well as increase her ability to see how it was all held together.

When they woke he, once again, went over setting wards with her.  She used her notebook and took notes this time to reference.  She was thorough, asking many questions as he taught. He also went over some basic magic training that would be safe for her to practice alone.  After that was done, he went about the real challenge.  Convincing her to stay in his lodging while he was away.

He felt better having her there.  He had a strong feeling she’d feel more secure there and be more likely to sleep.  He had confidence his new wards would last, without any issue, while he was away.  It was a long argument but he finally managed to get her to agree by convincing her it was for him.  That it would make him feel better to know someone he trusted was watching his lodging.

When the declaration of his trust was stated he was not sure who was more surprised.  Her or himself.  The words were not completely untrue.  Despite all the unknowns about this girl he did find himself trusting her, more than he had trusted others at least.  It worried him how easily it had come to pass but he did not have the time to examine it.  The group was ready to move out and he soon found himself outside tying his bags to a saddled horse.

The Herald’s cheery voice was heard above the sounds of the group preparing, “You don’t look like an animated corpse anymore.”  

“Gee thanks.”

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the Herald with her arm around the girl.  The girl fought to free herself but it was playful.  They really were like sisters.  He wondered how such a thing could happen so quickly.  His eyes went to the girl’s face and he wondered no more.  At least he was not the only one being pulled in by the auburn haired creature.

“Spiker, you’re gonna break the girl’s neck.  Play gentle or I’ll put you in separate time outs.”

“But I’ve gotta get my fair helping of Sissy love in before we go!  Don’t be so bossy Varric.”

“If you are done, Herald.”  Cassandra’s voice carried her usual unamused tone, “We should be on our way.  The girl will no doubt be here when we return.”

He led his horse next to Varric’s and stood as final good-byes were said.  Cassandra having already gone to her own horse and mounted, eager to be on the way.  The Herald released the girl’s shoulders only to wrap her arms about the girl’s waist.  She pulled her in with such force that he could hear the girl’s exhale of breath as her feet were lifted off the ground.

“I’m gonna miss you Sissy.”

“Ivy… can’t breath.”  The Herald set her back down and the girl laughed.  She wrapped her arms around the Herald in a more subdued, but still affectionate, hug.  “I’ll miss you too.”  Once they stopped hugging the Herald got on her horse still facing where the girl was as she waited.

“Kitten, stay out of trouble while we’re gone.  Don’t get into too many messes.  You’ve probably already used up some of your lives.”

The girl laughed once more, “Oh without a doubt.  At least three of them I’d say.”  She went to the Child of the Stone giving him a hug which he returned in kind.

When they released the Herald chimed in a wicked smirk on her face, “Need a stool shorty?”

“Oh, never heard that one before.”  Despite the mock anger in his voice there was a smile on his face as he got on his horse.  It was a smaller breed and he managed fine though he grumbled about it as he did so.

Solas checked his own saddle once more before he prepared to mount.  As he reached up a hand touched his arm.  He turned and she wrapped her arms around his waist.  Her head pressing to his chest.  For a moment he froze unsure what to do.  How long had it been since he had been touched like this?  Centuries at least.  It was an odd sensation but not... entirely unpleasant.  There was a moment of hesitation before he wrapped his own arms around her

He knew her scent.  Though his nose was oddly incapable of smell at the moment.  He sniffed in an attempt to clear it but it seemed to do nothing.  He’d never had this kind of issue before.  Why he should even care about being able to smell her in the first place was beyond him.  Still, she was soft and warm against him.  It was harder than he wanted to admit to release her.

When he did she smiled up at him, “Thought you’d get away without a good-bye hug, huh?  Sorry to disappoint.”  She winked and stepped away from him.  She looked at all of them and spoke, “I’m glad that I was…”  She stopped and shook her head, “You guys better come back in one piece.  I’ll miss you all.”  

Uncomfortable and unsure of the multitude of sensations swimming inside of him he got on his horse and turned it towards Cassandra’s.

He heard the other the other two follow suite as they yelled one last good-bye to the girl and she responded in kind.  There had been something in the way the girl had hugged them all, how she had talked.  He had the strangest urge to stay.  A nagging worry that when he came back she might not be there, that she was planning something.

If she was gone that would be a good thing.  If she went back to where ever she had come from, it would be one less thing to distract him.  One less risk.  It would make things easier.  So why did dread fill his gut at the thought?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so the comic page I promised is of their hug. It is fluffy and I just had to draw it because... well I just did. Here is the link to it on my tumblr, [the hug](http://solaslover.tumblr.com/post/142841532506/as-promised-my-comic-page-to-go-with-chapter-12-of)


	13. Making Plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is getting updated so late in the day. I seriously forgot it was Friday. I've got a lot going on, including leaving tomorrow morning for a family visit that I haven't packed for yet. Oops.
> 
> Hope you enjoy anyways :)

Ella wrapped her arms tight around herself as she watched the group ride off.  She hoped they came back even if she wouldn’t be here to see it.  If all went as planned, she’d get to the Breach and make it home by then.  It would be good to finally be home again.  Good to finally be with Luke and her family.

Yet, there was an ache in her chest at the thought of leaving.  How was it that only in a matter of weeks these people had wiggled their way into her heart?  If she ever told anyone about this in her world, they’d think she was spouting something from a fantasy novel.  They were real, she knew that now.  Their stories would continue after she left, she only wished she could know that they would be ones with happy endings.  

“They’ll come back.”

She glanced to the side seeing the large form of Commander Cullen standing next to her, watching the riders get smaller and smaller.  She rubbed her hands on her arms feeling the rough cloth of her cloak under her fingers.

“Just how bad is it out there?”  There was silence for a moment, and she added, “You can be honest with me, Comman… Cullen.”

Cullen took a deep breath and rubbed the back of his neck.  “According to our reports… the chances are bad. The mages can’t stop their rebelling even now.”

Her brows furrowed, “I know you were a Templar Cullen, but you must admit it isn’t just the mages at fault.”

A deep frown formed on his face.  “They started this whole mess.  No one should have the kind of power mages have, it’s dangerous.  I’ve seen first hand what it can do.”  The suddenness and ferocity of his rage made her take an involuntary step back.

“I-I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to...”

“No.” He took another deep sigh turning to face her, “I’m sorry.  You’re not wrong.  Both groups are out of control right now.  I’m…I’m not myself lately.  There is always something to be done.  I...”

“Commander.”  A scout came up carrying a board with papers attached, “Reports on recruit equipment you asked for.”

“As I was saying.” He gave a lopsided grin that she was pretty sure could charm the pants off the most wholesome of women.   

Even if her circumstances were different he wouldn’t be her type for a relationship, a fling sure, a relationship no.  Something told her he wasn’t the type who did flings, not that it mattered, she wasn’t in the market for anything.  There was no harm in the enjoyment of looking at a handsome face, however...

Suddenly an image came into her mind unbidden.  It was a small scar above coppery brows and large grey-blue eyes.  Her brows furrowed immediately, and she shook her head.

Cullen looked up from his reports one eyebrow raised, “Something wrong?”

“No, I’m just… I’m just still a bit tired.  I hadn’t been sleeping.”  The moment the words were out she knew she’d made a mistake.  She clamped her mouth shut and moved her hands under her cloak, gripping them together.

He turned back to the reports and when he spoke his voice monotone, “Bad dreams?”

Well fuck.  

She tried to remember from Varric’s story what happened to mages who became a threat through possession.  Tranquility or something.  She couldn’t remember exactly what the process entailed but knew it wasn’t good.  It was part of what started this whole war she’d heard about.  

Possession happened through dreaming.  She was a mage who’d just admitted to a templar she couldn’t sleep… fuck. Think, think! She held her chin up and shrugged, “I think it's just being somewhere so unfamiliar.  I’m homesick.  I’m trying to be more comfortable but…” She shrugged again.  “It’s hard to calm the thoughts and worries in my mind enough to sleep.”

“That, I can understand.”  She saw his posture relax.  It was evident that she had not been wrong in thinking she’d stepped dangerously close to somewhere she didn’t want to venture near.  He held out a hand to the recruit who handed him a quill, with a quick movement, he signed the reports giving the items back to the man before turning his full attention to Ella.  “My offer at the Singing Maiden still stands.  If there is anything I can do for you, just ask.”

“Thank you Cullen.”  Perhaps if she showed positive interest towards the templars, it might help get rid of any lingering thoughts that she was a threat.  “Actually, I'm interested in knowing a bit more about your order.”

“They aren’t my order, not anymore, but I’ll answer what I can.”

Ok think.  With all the other worries on her mind she hadn’t prepared any questions.  Still she could do this.  She’d just make stuff up as she went.  It’s what she’d been doing since she got here and she wasn’t dead yet. “You are, I mean the templars, are part of the Chantry, correct?”

“Yes.  We are the military order of the Chantry, tasked with protecting people from mages and mages from people.”  

She wondered if he was locked up in some, what did they call it? A circle? She wondered if he’d see it as protection still if he was the one being forced to stay there. She kept that to herself instead saying, “So do you have the same kind of restrictions and all that?”  She had no clue what she was even doing right now.

“I’m… not sure what you mean.”  He shifted, arms going across his chest.

Well, this was going well. “I just mean… uhm like vows.  You know like no drinking or no sex.  Things like that.”

He cleared his throat.  “It _is_ an option, but it is not forced upon us.  Some chose to take vows, others… do not.”

“Ah… So did you take vows and if so, now that you no longer consider yourself a templar are they still valid?”  She was pulling stuff out of her ass at this point.  Hopefully, she’d either hit something that she’d be able to expand on, or she’d find an opening to leave.

“I… Why would you…” He cleared his throat again, shifting before crossing his arms over his chest. “No.  I uhmm… I took no such vows.”  He looked away for a moment brows furrowed, “I should tell you.  I’m uhmm… if I’m… that is you’re a beautiful woman but I… I’m not really in a place to uh…” He cleared his throat again, uncrossing his arms,  “Maker’s breath.  First the Herald, now you.”

She narrowed her eyes as he spoke, head tilting, “What are you…” Her eyes went wide as it dawned on her.  She threw her hands up, shaking them at him, “Oh oh no.  I mean that wasn’t… I wasn’t trying to get in your bed.  That is you’re uhm... y--you’re very handsome too but I-- I’m also not in a place to be doing… uhm doing that.”  She swore if her blush got anymore severe she’d start melting snow.  “Let’s uh pretend this conversation didn’t happen and try again another time.”  

She turned to walk away and heard a laugh behind her.  “Ella, wait.”  She hesitated a moment before turning to look at Cullen.  “Will you have dinner with me.  As a friend.  You usually eat with the Herald but with her gone… perhaps you’d not mind my company?”

She smiled the blush receding, “As a friend; that sounds wonderful.”

“Good.  I’ll come to the pub at meal time tonight.”

“See you then.”  As she turned away, she made a mental note to get to the pub well before meal time.  Everyone would know eventually that she’d temporarily moved into Solas’ lodging but the longer that was delayed, the better.

With most of the soldiers out training now would be as good a time as any to gather the few items she had and move them to Solas’.  As she made her way to the pub, she caught a figure following her.  Again.  One of the multitude of Haven residents that she’d caught watching her movements.

It was her assumption that Leliana enlisted them after their conversation in the library.  She honestly couldn’t decide if she was more grateful or insulted that Leliana hadn’t bothered to get trained spies to trail her.  She should probably be grateful, but she did have some pride.  That little bit of pride was enough to make her irritated that Leliana would think she was stupid enough not to notice the constant eyes.  

Either that or Leliana wanted her to know she was being watched.  

As she walked into the pub, the woman who’d been following her continued past the building.  She was no longer needed.  Leliana had a permanent set of eyes and ears in the Singing Maiden, Flissa.  No doubt she’d hardly wait till Ella had put one foot out the door before sending word to Leliana that she’d taken her things from the pub to somewhere else.

She sighed, brushing some snow of the shoulders of her cloak.  It probably didn’t matter much.  Given her time spent with Solas, she could only imagine the kind of talk that was already floating around Haven.  No doubt aided by a very amused Varric.  That man.  She’d have to remember to tease him about that romance novel of his when…

Ah, right.  If things went as planned, she wouldn’t be here when they got back.  Maybe she’d leave the book with a note.  That is if they ever stopped following her long enough for her to make her attempt to the Breach in the first place.

“Lady Ella, gift for you.”  Flissa pointed towards, what looked like, a large walking stick leaning against the wall behind the bar.  “The Herald left it for ya.  I ‘aven’t touched it.”

For a moment, she looked from Flissa to the large stick before it finally dawned on her.  What an idiot she was.  It was a staff.  Right, mages had staffs.  It would probably see more use as a walking stick to get to the breach than as a magical weapon, though, at least if she had her way.

“Oh, right.  Thank you for keeping it for me.”  She went over to it reaching out to touch it.  When she did a small electric shock ran from her fingers up her arm.  With a small squeal, she pulled her hand back.  Meanwhile, Flissa had gotten as far from her as possible and was looking at her like she was going to start shooting fire out of her ass.  

She gritted her teeth and grabbed the staff.  She focused on calming her magic.  After a moment, the static shock disappeared.  As she turned to head to her room, she shot Flissa a big smile and shrugged, “Got a splinter from the thing.”

One foot on the step she paused.  It might be best to just tell Flissa right now of her move.  If she laid low and made it evident she had nothing to hide, maybe Leliana would call of her hounds.  “Ah before I forget, Solas asked me to stay at his lodging well he was away.  Keep an eye on his herbs and what not.  So my room will be vacant for a while.”

Flissa still eyed her staff warily but gave a nod, “Of course, Lady Ella.  It’ll be here for ya when ya want it back.”

“Thanks, Flissa.”  With that, she headed up the stairs and into her room.  

It didn’t take long for her to gather up the few things she had, tossing them in the crate Ivy had given her on her second night.  As she walked back to Solas’ with her things, she was careful not to pay attention to any stares.  Instead, she focused on balancing the heavy crate, along with her staff, and pondering methods to get to the Breach.

She could try to go even with Leliana having people watching her.  The worst case was they stopped her, and she could make some excuse as to why she’d wandered too far out.  Still if Leliana even got a scent that she was attempting to go to the Breach, it could give the wrong idea.  She did not want Leliana, of all people, to get the wrong idea.  A knife in the throat would put a wrench in her plans of getting home.

Though given some of the other weird ass shit she’d read about, and heard about, since being here the dead walking around wouldn’t surprise her.  That’s all she needed, to go back to her world as a zombie.  Given the lack of blood circulation, she’d probably freeze a quarter of the way to the breach.

As she neared, Solas' lodging her already completely derailed the train of thought took another turn.  Two men were standing outside of the lodging next to Solas’.  One of them she recognized almost instantly as the bearded man who’d given her potion in the dungeon.  They didn’t seem to notice her as she neared Solas’ door.

“Not only do they waste my talents but now they don’t give me enough herbs to work with.”  She recognized the voice as the bearded man’s as she attempted to balance the crate on her hip.

“Adan, we understand your frus---”

Bearded man, Adan, huffed loudly, “Druffalo shit, you do.”

Ella gave up trying to balance the crate.  Though most of her things were light, the Botanical Compendium was also in the crate, not to mention that she’d been trying to hold her staff too.   She leaned her staff against the building and set the container in the snow next to the door.

“We--”  

She opened the door and reached down to grab the crate again.

“You should care about this.  How am I supposed to do anything if you don’t give me any help?  I can’t mix all the potions and gather the herbs.”  Ella paused one foot in the door as Adan continued, “I can’t be in two places at once.”

“I’m sorry we simply don’t have anyone qualified to spare.” The voices faded as an idea took over.  

She hurried inside, using her foot to shut the door behind her before placing the crate next to the bed and the staff against the bookshelf.  As she was about to go back outside, she took a quick glance of the space.  There was a piece of parchment with a key next to it on the pillow.

Adan would surely still be there in a couple of minutes.  Curious she went to pick up the items.  She wondered when Solas had the time to write this.  She’d been with him all morning.  Had he been planning on getting her to stay at his place even before he’d joined her in the Fade?  

When she looked at the note, she couldn’t help but admire the writing.  It was elegant and refined, handwriting she would give to some other era’s character.  If he had been real, she’d imagine Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice having this kind of script.  It made her's look like that of a five-year-old.

“Make yourself comfortable.  You may use my books and desk.  I will ask that things are kept in their place.  I usually have meals brought to my room in the evening.  If you do not wish this, you may ask the Singing Maiden kitchen staff to desist.  I am not the only one to receive this service.”  

Ah, so he know she’d likely turn it down.  Even with it not being special treatment it still felt somewhat unnecessary given how close the pub was.  On the other hand, the privacy would be nice.  She shook her head and moved on to the rest of the note.

“Lock the door.  Solas.”  Well no duh she’d lock the door.  It also didn’t pass her notice he still didn’t say her name.  

She let her fingers trace the flowing letters of his signature.  Even that was like something out of a novel.  It was beautiful.  Her brows furrowed and she folded the note placing it in the bag with her things from home.  

Why she wanted to take it with her, she wasn’t completely sure.  Perhaps it was to act as a reassurance that all this was real.  That these people had been real.  That they had meant something to her.  She had Varric’s book.  She wondered if she could get something of Ivy’s.  

Though all of this might be pointless.  Who knew if these things would survive the trip to her world.  If they did, who knew if she’d still be able to read them or if they’d revert to whatever they truly looked like.  She sighed.  This whole alternate universe thing really was one big headache-inducing question after another.

When she got back home she’d do some research on… on what?  Other world experiences, maybe?  Alternate dimensions… something like that.  She was curious if this ever happened to anyone else.  She’d do the research quietly.  She didn’t want to end up in a psych ward when she didn’t need to be.  Saying you went to another universe wasn’t exactly something most would readily accept.  

For now, she needed to focus on getting home.  To that end, she needed to talk to Adan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two things. One it now has a cover that is on the first chapter if you're interested :D. Two the Solas letter was supposed to be in like flowy script font but I couldn't get it to work here T-T sorry.


	14. Accusations

When Ella walked out of Solas’ lodging Adan and the other man were no longer standing out in the snow.  She paused for a moment thinking.  The two men had been standing in front of the lodging to the right of Solas'.  With a shrug, she decided to go for that one first.  When she found the door unlocked it confirmed to her, she likely had the right place.

As she walked into the warm space, she was greeted by a multitude of tables with various herbs, flasks, and potions.  It was like something directly out of a movie or video game.  Not that this whole thing hadn’t contained a certain amount of that, but this space was… well if she’d had any lingering misconceptions about if she was in her world still or not, they were there no longer.

“Did you just come here to gawk or did you need something?”

The harsh male voice pulled her back from her examination, and she turned, meeting a pair of stony eyes.  “I---” She cleared her throat, “I came to help.”

Adan squinted at her, the bushy brows almost entirely hiding his eyes, “I know you.  I’d have thought you’d be gone by now.  Or dead.  Probably dead.”

She clenched her jaw and gave him a hard smile, “Thanks for the vote of confidence.  Do you or do you not need help?”

“I do but won’t do me any good to have help from someone who doesn’t know anything.”  He eyed her up and down, “More trouble than you're worth I suspect.”

She felt the irritation rise and her jaw muscle twitch, “Try me.”

Adan looked at her for a moment more before shrugging, “Why not.  Not like things can get worse.”  He turned to the desk behind him and grabbed a piece of parchment.  “This here is a list of all the herbs we need that can be found in this area.  If you can find everything on this list, I will think about keeping you on and pay.”

She opened her mouth to say she didn’t need any pay but closed it again.  It might seem strange if she refused payment and raise questions about why she’d ask to help.  Not to mention she could give the funds to Ivy to try and repay her at least a bit.  She’d just leave whatever she made between now and departing this crazy world, in Solas’ quarters with a note to give them to Ivy.

“Alright.”

Adan handed her the list.  She took it and her brows furrowed.  She looked from the parchment to him and then back to the parchment. “20 elfroot?  That’s it?”  

He gave one of the most dramatic sighs she’d ever heard.  You would’ve thought she’d asked him if it ever snowed here.  “Great start girl.  How many winter wastelands do you know that have an abundance of herb variety?”

Not anywhere she came from, but this was a freaking fantasy world.  Demons fell out of holes in the sky.  She had magic and could be killed in her dreams.  Everything was strange here.  How was she supposed to know what was the same and what was different from what she knew?  Since she could hardly rant at him about that, she clenched her mouth shut once more.

She forced another smile speaking through clenched teeth, “This everything then?”

“Yes.”  Ella turned to go but Adan spoke behind her, “Wait, there is one more thing.  My predecessor was on to something big before the conclave.  I haven’t been able to find his notes.  If you stumble across them, bring them to me.”

“As you wish, oh potions master.”  She couldn’t help the sarcastic jab and hurried out before he could reply or change his mind.  

The moment she stepped out she was greeted by the same elf woman who had filled her bath in Ivy’s lodging.  The girl was now carrying a bundle of blankets.  How long had it been since that first day of being out of the dungeons?  It felt like ages ago.  It was somewhat hard to keep track here.  A few weeks?  

“I’ve come to change the bed coverings in Solas’ lodging.”  

Ella raised a brow, “That’s really not nece---”

“It’s my job.  Let me in.” There was a hesitation before she added, “Please.”

Strange, still it was just sheets.  Ella shrugged and opened the door for her.  She followed the elven woman inside watching her for a moment before she turned her attention to the various books on Solas’ shelves.  There were books on the Fade, magic in Thedas, geography, and one on creatures.  The creature one looked interesting.  

As she reached for the book on creatures, the elven woman spoke directly behind her making her jump, “Done.  I’ll be going then.”

“Thank you.”  Before Ella even got the you out, the woman was already gone with the previous blankets bundled in her arms.  “Strange one.”

An odd feeling prodded at her gut that something wasn’t quite right.  She did a quick assessment of the room and couldn’t find anything missing, shrugging off the nagging feeling she headed outside to start searching for some elfroot.

The sun was already almost full in the sky by the time she made it out of Haven’s gates.  It was odd being in a place without any way to keep time.  In other circumstances, it might be pleasant, but being thrust into such a thing was just another item on the list of jarring stuff for her to deal with.

As she went about collecting she found herself enjoying it.  Other than the horrific cold that bit at her face and fingers it was rather peaceful.  If she were staying longer, she would have talked Solas into showing her how to do that one spell that warmed her body.  She gave a little involuntary shiver of pleasure at the remembrance of the soothing warmth, what she wouldn’t give for that again.

Adan had been accurate when he’d spoke of the difficulty of finding herbs out in the snow.  Though she was managing, she’d gathered only about eighteen in the hours she’d spent out in the surrounding area.  After collecting number nineteen she released a sigh and removed her hood to try to tuck the strands of loose curls back into place.

“You there.”

Ella turned towards the male voice, brows furrowed.   As was to be expected she’d had people following her but none ever approached her.  None had been so clearly marked as one of Leliana’s people either.  He wore the, now familiar, hooded uniform with the Inquisition symbol on the chest.  He moved swiftly towards her and she waited where she was, unsure exactly what to expect.

The man stopped about a foot in front of her, face completely unreadable, “Lady Leliana wants to see you.  Immediately.”

She felt her throat go dry, “I---” The sound came out as a croak, and she cleared her constricted throat trying again, “Why? I haven’t--”

“She will tell you.  Come now.”  He spoke in a tone that allowed for no arguments.  Not that she would try to get out of it anyways.  Not with Leliana, the woman who could kill her quickly and without a second thought.  

She placed her hands under her cloak and grasped them together in an attempt to stop the trembling.  With a deep breath, she tilted her chin up and walked forward.  The man turned, and she followed trying to look more confident than she felt.  

Whatever this was, it was uncalled for, she’d done nothing, and she had nothing to hide.  Well, at least nothing that was a danger to the Inquisition which was all Leliana cared about surely.

As they entered Haven, she expected them to go towards the tented area in front to the Chantry.  That was where Leliana had set up her operations, though Ella found that a bit odd to have it out in the open.  It would make more sense to have spy operations established in some top secret chamber of the Chantry dungeon.

Still, what was even odder was they didn’t go towards that area.  Instead, he led her in the direction where she would go to get back to Solas’ lodging.  As they continued on that exact path, she became more confused.  

Confusion turned to shock when she saw Leliana, along with two inquisition soldiers and the elven woman from earlier, waiting outside the door to Solas’ lodge.  Immediately it felt as though a stone dropped in her stomach.  She’d known that woman had been up to something.  She’d known before she even opened the damn door to her.  Why the hell hadn’t she listened to her instincts?

She beat down the panic that threatened to overtake her as they neared.  Instead, she thought back to all the stories and movies she had seen and pulled on her best pestered noblewoman voice, “What’s this about?  I was in the middle of an important task.”  She turned her eyes to the elf, “Honestly if you forgot to do something with the blankets or whatever else in there you should have waited.  There is no need to take up Leliana’s valuable time or mine.”

It felt odd treating the woman like a lowly servant, but she held her ground, staring the elf down as her triumphant expression turned to a scowl.  Leliana was unreadable, as always.

“Open the door, please.”  Leliana’s voice was even.  She had no need to raise it to make clear that she was to be obeyed.  When your very presence screamed obey me or die, there was no need to put force into commands.

Though Ella’s heart fluttered, and her knees felt weak, she made herself remain calm as she went to open the door.  She kept her movements unrushed and worked to steady the trembling in her hands.  

“Of course.  I’ve nothing to hide, and I’m sure Solas doesn’t either.”  She unlocked the door with a soft click and swung it open.  She was oddly aware of the cold, rough wood under her fingers as she tried to stay centered.  “Though I would appreciate knowing what all this is about.”

Instead of answering Leliana motioned to the two soldiers, “Check the mattress first.”

As the soldiers entered the lodge, she heard the approaching of heavy boots crunching in the snow and turned towards the sound.  Cullen was coming towards the home a frown creasing his mouth.  

He stopped in front of the door close enough that Ella had to tilt her head up to look at him.  His eyes glanced to her before going to Leliana.  “I was informed that you requested two of my men.”  Though his statement was not a direct challenge, it was clear enough in its intent.  

Leliana crossed her arms looking unfazed, “It is not a matter worth concerning you over, Commander.  It should be over soon enough.”  The two men came out.  One of the men held a small pouch that Ella had never seen before.  He handed it to Leliana, and she spoke, “You see.”

Whatever control she had managed up to this point was slipping out of her now much like the blood that fled her face.  She felt her body grow cold.  She wanted to shout at the elven woman.  To ask what the hell she did to her that made her pull this move.  Instead, she swallowed her anger down and spoke in as calm a tone she could manage,  “I have never seen that bag in my life.”

Leliana looked at her expression never changing, “Coin was reported stolen from the Singing Maiden.  It was taken sometime between when the Herald left and after the sun was full in the sky.”

She could point fingers.  She could throw the elf to Leliana’s mercy.  After all, the woman had tried to do so to her.  Still, who knew what kind of harsh punishment they’d deal to a thief.  Cut off hand?  Death?  She may be a bitch, but she didn’t deserve that.

“As I said,” Ella held her head higher, “I have never seen that bag before.  I have also been gone most of the day picking herbs.”

Cullen spoke, “I can confirm this, Leliana.  I saw her leave, and she didn’t come back until escorted by your man.”

Leliana kept her eyes locked on Ella, “I am well aware of her movements.”  Ah, so Leliana _did_ want her to know she was being watched.  At least that question was answered.  Only a thousand more to go.

Cullen shifted resting his hand on the hilt of his sword, “Then why are we here?”

Leliana spoke, “From my reports, she would have had no chance to take the coin.”  Now her cold gaze shifted to the elf, “You changed the blankets today did you not?  An unusual thing to do since Solas had them changed before he left.”

The elf blanched and started to tremble, “I--- that is they didn’t---”  She started to move like she was going to run but the soldiers were already on each side of her taking her arms.

“Take her to the dungeons.” Leliana turned from the scene of the flailing elf ignoring her pleas.  “I should hope you’ve learned a lesson from this.  Trust is not something to be given easily.”

Ella pulled her gaze from the woman being dragged away back to Leliana, “Why?”

For the first time, Leliana actually gave a small smirk, “We believe she was jealous.  It would seem she is infatuated with our Fade mage.” Leliana gave the slightest of shrugs, “The heart can make a fool of anyone and that girl was already rather foolish.”

Cullen shook his head, “I don’t understand women.”  

Leliana and Ella both glared at him.  Ella spoke in a dry tone, “Yes, because never has a man acted the fool to wet his member.”

Leliana let out a laugh that made Ella jump in surprise, and Cullen blushed mumbling, “I didn’t mean… I suppose you are correct.  I perhaps spoke in haste.”

She turned her attention back to Leliana, “What’s going to happen to her?”

Leliana uncrossed her arms shifting to place a hand on her hip, “I suppose I can leave that up to you.  We could send her packing.  Keep her in the dungeons for a few weeks or... perhaps cut off some fingers.”  

She could have sworn she saw a playful twinkle in Leliana’s eyes at the last suggestion.  “There wasn’t really any harm done, other than wasting people’s time, as far as I’m concerned you can let her off the hook.”

Leliana raised one delicate copper eyebrow, “Off the hook?”

“It means let her go.  Maybe with a warning against any future shenan---” Did they have the word shenanigans.  Perhaps it would be wise to stick with a more common term. “Uhm incidents.”  

“Very well.  Cullen.”  She gave Cullen a smile and nod before walking away towards her usual area.

Ella let out a large breath of air her shoulders relaxing.  All her muscles had been so tense she actually felt sore along her shoulders and neck.  She looked down at her pouch.  “I was so close too…”

“Close?” She jumped a bit having forgotten the commander was still standing there.

“Uh yeah.  I was getting elfroot for Adan.  One away from…”  Her eyes glanced inside the still open door and to the table where Solas kept his herbs.  They landed on a small pile of elfroot.  If she took one, she’d restock it.  Surely he wouldn’t mind too much.

“Adan, has you running errands does he?”

She went inside picking up one of the elfroot and sticking it in her bag.  “Well, I offered.  I like to keep busy.  Today was his test run for me.”  She walked outside shutting and locking the door before turning to the commander.  She brought her finger up to her mouth in a shush gesture, “Don’t tell Adan.”

“I only saw you hard at working gathering herbs outside.  If he asks, I’ll tell him that truth.”

She managed a smile, “Thanks, Cullen.”

As she started to walk away, he spoke behind her, “Do you like chess?”

She paused turning back to him, “I like it fine, but I’m awful at it.”  

“That’s fine.  I like winning.” He gave a lopsided grin accentuating the scar on one side of his mouth, “When you're done with Adan meet me in the tavern.  I’ll set up a game in the back to go with our dinner.”

“Sounds like a plan.”  She gave him a salute she’d seen other soldiers do and once again headed to Adan.

When she handed the herbs to Adan, he seemed surprised.  The amount of surprise was actually insulting, although the fact that she was still tightly wound from recent events didn’t help.  In fact, the more she stood there, the more anger boiled in her.  By the time she’d confirmed with Adan that she'd go out daily for him, she was seething.

Instead of going to the inn she made a detour.  She headed to the outside of Haven where they kept their training dummies.  She grabbed one dragging the heavy straw filled target through the snow.  One of the soldiers spotted her and opened his mouth but quickly shut it when she glared at him.  He immediately turned and went back to what he’d been doing.

The stupid straw thing was heavier than she would have expected but she was determined.  She was too filled up.  All the emotions she was trying to suppress were raging inside her to be let out.   There were two ways to do this, sex or brutality.  The first was out of the question so the mannequin would get the second.  

She just needed to drag it out far enough that she could let some of this frustration out without worrying about accidentally risking anyone.  The Haven resident Leliana had trailing her currently stayed a good distance away, as though knowing what Ella was planning.  She had no doubt she would continue to stay that far away.  If not further.

When she was satisfied that the mannequin was far enough out, she set it up.  Trying to force the stake deep into the frozen ground was a bit of a challenge, but her rage gave her enough strength to manage it after a few tries.  

With that done she punched it, hard.  Then she reeled back and punched it again and again.  She felt a stinging on her knuckles and saw bits of red start showing against the tan of the straw, but she kept going.

“Fuck you.  Fuck this.  Fuck the Fade.  Fuck all this damn snow.  Fuck the cold.  Fuck the stupid demon shithole.  Fuck it all.”  She punctuated each item with a solid punch until her arms started to weaken and she started just beating at it with the sides of her fists, “I didn’t ask for this shit.  Not any of this.  Why me!? Why the hell did it have to be me?  Stupid fucking demon hole.  I don’t want any of this.”  Her voice started to crack and falter, “I just wanna go home.”

She took a few steps back and pulled on her magic.  She heard the familiar vibrations as they flowed through her body, reaching out her hand she released a large ball of fire engulfing the mannequin in flames.

The last of her strength sapped from her she fell to her knees in the snow, her body quaking.  She could feel the heat of the flames as they ate at the straw and cloth.  Smoke filled her nostrils as moisture streamed down her cheeks.  She let out a wail that turned to a whimper, as she hugged herself and let the tears fall.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! :D


	15. The Return

The days following her breakdown Ella braced herself for being talked to by either the Spymaster or Commander, possibly both.  When almost a week went by with no mention of the incident, she allowed herself to relax.

Cullen, for his part, had plenty of opportunities.  Once she’d released all her anger and tried to minimize the red puffiness of her eyes she had gone to meet him for dinner as planned.  They had shared a meal and played a game of chess, which she had lost horrendously.

They did this several more times that week, and Cullen seemed to enjoy the company.  For her part the Commander was an enjoyable dinner companion but, more importantly, he was informative.  Though she was careful to avoid any personal topics, she gained a wealth of knowledge about the various countries.  

She shouldn’t have been, but she found herself surprised at the vastness of it and found herself pulling comparisons of this world and her own.  The world’s advancement seemed to be somewhere pre-enlightenment.  

The existence of magic made it a difficult call, however.  When you had something like magic, it seemed natural that science and medicine would advance more slowly.  After all, there wasn’t as dire a need.  With that said it didn’t escape her notice that, though mages seemed to be feared, or outright hated, no one appeared to hesitate in utilizing them when convenient.

What was easier, was finding her world’s country counterparts.  Orlais was clearly French, Antiva brought to mind Italy, Ferelden reminded her of Scotland, Free Marches were a bit harder but perhaps the German states, the Qunari seemed Turkish, and so on.  She found comparing and relating them to the historical counterparts in her world somehow made the whole thing a bit easier.  It made it less completely foreign.

She started using her notebook to track the days and as that first week passed by she was still being followed.  She continued about her everyday tasks.  These spanned both day and night.

At night, in the Fade, she practiced control and found herself more and more able to sense it.  There wasn’t a clear way for her to put it into words other than to think of it as somehow all connected by streams of energy.  It became easier and easier to sense the flow and see the gaps and seams.

In the morning she would grab some fresh bread from the pub and take it outside of Haven with her, munching as she went.  Once she finished the food she’d immediately start practicing the drills Solas had instructed her to do.  This too became easier the more she worked, though she still wasn’t entirely comfortable with suddenly having the ability to shoot fire, and various other magical craziness, she had to admit it was getting easier to deal with and to control.

When she was done with her magic exercises she’d walk about collecting herbs for most of the day.  She was now on relatively good terms with Adan, and he had taken to calling her ‘dots’.  Presumably because of her freckles but when she’d asked about it, he’d only shrugged.

This was partly due to her consistent success at finding elfroot but was mostly due to her discovery of his mentor's notes.  They’d been stuck in a small cabin on the outskirts of Haven.  It had apparently been forgotten about after the conclave explosion yet was still in surprisingly good shape.  Had she planned on staying she would have tried to get permission to move into the small cabin.  

When she’d brought him the notes, she watched as his mouth twitched and eyes widened.  She greatly suspected Adan was utterly incapable of showing great joy or excitement but the day she’d brought him those notes he got close.

That done she’d either go back to Solas’ cabin with some food picked up from The Singing Maiden or she’d meet Cullen.  If she went back to Solas’ cabin, she spent the nights pouring over books about creatures, plants, politics, and magic use.  

By the end of the second week, she’d noticed that she wasn’t always followed anymore.  They’d often follow her first thing in the morning but then stop.  Once they were half-way through the third week, she was no longer followed at all.  It was her chance.  She could make an attempt at the Breach, yet she didn’t.

She told herself it was because it was such a risk.  This wasn’t really a lie.  These kinds of mountains could be treacherous in excellent conditions with well-maintained trails.  If there were trails she doubted they were well maintained and the constant blizzards that blurred the mountain did not equal good conditions.  

There was also the matter of the Breach itself and the tears.  All of which were shooting out demons.  She’d made plans if she encountered some.  It consisted of running if possible, if not, fighting with the hope that she’d have enough power and control to stay alive.

Two days into the fourth week the real reason for her hesitation made itself painfully clear.  The sun indicated it was late afternoon, and she was out gathering herbs for Adan as was her routine.  The echo of trumpets reached her ears and grabbed her attention.  

At the time, she was by the frozen lake, and she scurried up a high outcropping that allowed a view of Haven’s entrance.  She brought a hand up in an attempt to shade her eyes from the glare of the sun on the snow-covered landscape.  It did little, and she lamented the invention that was sunglasses.

After a moment, her eyes adjusted as best they could.  She started by looking at the entrance and then let her gaze follow the path.  About a quarter mile out she saw the group of riders.  It was impossible to make out any distinct shapes from this distance, but it appeared to be the same number that had left.  She dared to hope.

She scrambled down from the outcrop so fast that she lost her footing and fell on her bum, cursing.  Of course she would land in one of the spots the snow was actually thin.  Her butt impacting on more rock than snow and it _hurt_.  With a wince, she got herself up and forced herself to slow down the rest of the way back to the gates.

Cullen was already standing on the path, and she made her way over to him.  When he spotted her, he grinned at her.  Once she was near he spoke, “They’re all accounted for.”

She glanced at the stables and noticed they were already set-up for the arrival of the group.   Her eyes went back to Cullen, a smile she couldn’t help on her face, “I suspect you’ve known that for a while.  They wouldn’t have already been prepared otherwise.”

He gave a nod, “Yes.  Leliana receives regular reports.  I would have told you, but it's always easier to believe it as truth when you can see it with your own eyes.”

She shrugged, “That’s true, and I could have thought to ask.  Knowing what I do about Leliana, I should have known she’d have eyes and ears on them at all times.”

The group finally neared enough that she could make them out.  She felt her heart speed a bit and an odd clenching start in her stomach.  First, she saw Ivy’s burst of red and heard her unique hearty laughter which had been caused by Varric, who was riding next to her.  Next to him was Cassandra trying stoically to ignore the dwarfs existence.  Finally, a little in the back from the others was Solas.  As was often the case he seemed to be in a world of his own.

The joy and relief she felt at the moment solidified the real reason for her putting off the Breach, she had to know that they were ok.  She needed to know before she’d left that they’d survived going into the heart of the mage and templar fighting, as well as all the demon rifts.  Of course, they’d face more after she left, probably worse things even, but she just had to see them once more.

When they got close enough that Ivy spotted her, the woman immediately jumped off her horse.  Cassandra’s eyes went wide, and the only thing that kept the horse from bolting was the surprisingly quick reflexes of Varric as he grabbed the reins while still sitting atop his horse.

Ivy was on her so fast Ella barely had time to blink before she was lifted from the ground in a hug so tight it threatened to break her ribs again.  “Sssssiiiiissssssyyyyyyy, I missed you.”  Ivy released her patting her head, “You’re pretty tiny bet I could fit you in one of Cass--”

“Absolutely not.”  Cassandra walked by leading her horse and refusing to look at them.

“Get your horse, Spiker.  You all may be used to sitting on these monsters all the time, but I’m from the city.  I want off this thing.  My ass is already killing me.”   Varric shifted in his saddle with a wince.

“Oh quit your whining.  I’m coming.”  Ivy winked at Ella before turning to get her horse.  

Ella’s eyes searched for Solas and found that he was already at the stables handing over his horse.  With a smile, she headed over to him.  Now that she knew they were all back she’d leave in the morning while everyone was still distracted.  For now, she could see them all once more.

As she neared him, she started to open her mouth to speak but paused when he turned to her.  He looked incredibly pale with bags under his eyes.  His usual stance that was tall and almost rigid seemed slumped.

“What’s wrong?”

He didn’t answer instead walked past her, so she had no choice but to trail behind.  When he spoke even his voice sounded weaker than normal, “I trust the accommodations were adequate.”

She kept up with his pace as he headed towards his lodging glancing at him and completely forgetting the others, “Fine yes.  You’re pale, why?”

He still didn’t look at her, “I am not.”

“You are too.”

She continued to stay with him trying to eye him and figure out what was going on.  Did something bad happen?  Was he sick?  Did elves get sick?  She didn’t think elves in stories like Tolkien got sick, but she knew next to nothing of elves here.  She didn’t even know if they were immortal or not.  Probably should find that out.

When they got to his cabin, he went inside, and she followed him before he had a chance to stop her.  Solas eyed her, his brows furrowing, “Did you need something?”

“Are you sick?”

“I do not get sick.”

“You look sick.”

“Please leave.”  He moved to nudge her out the door but instead he fell.  Ella moved forward quickly grabbing him, his sudden weight making her stagger back.  She managed to catch herself on the wall and keep a hold on him.  

His body felt burning hot, and she felt panic rise in her gut, “Solas.  Solas, what is--”  

She looked down to find his eyes closed and realized that the weight she felt now was dead weight.  He’d completely passed out.  This was not good, not good at all.  With a deep breath, she tried to move towards the bed while holding him.  He was heavier than she would have thought and it took her some time to half carry, half drag him, to his bed.

Once there she eased first his upper half and then his legs onto the bed.  He let out a soft groan but seemed to still be asleep.  She brought her fingers up to brush the sweat from his brow, her own furrowing in concern.  It was essential that his temperature be brought down, from the heat that emanated from him she was amazed he’d lasted this long without passing out.

She stood and went to grab the washbasin hurrying outside.  She dumped the water she’d used that morning into the snow and jogged down to the Singing Maiden.  When she rushed in Flissa lifted her head, eyebrows immediately raising once she took in Ella.

“I need water, please.  Hot but not boiling.”

Flissa eyed the container, “They already gave you---”

“I know.  It’s not for me, and I’ve no time to explain.  Please, I’ll forsake water for myself tomorrow.”

Flissa sighed but gave a nod taking the basin to the back.  Ella waited bouncing on her heels as she tried to keep her nerves calm.  What were only moments felt like ages before Flissa brought the basin back and set it on the counter, “Can I have some clean cloths too?  I’ll wash them and bring them back.”

Once again Flissa sighed but reached under the bar and came back with a small pile of them.  It was then she realized the issue of getting it back to him.  The basin would take two hands, and she didn’t have anything to put the cloths inside of; oh, she was going to look like an idiot.

She grabbed the towels putting them on her head and picked up the basin.  Flissa watched her eyes the size of saucers and Ella heard muffled laughter behind her.  With as much dignity as she could muster, she met Flissa’s eyes, “Thank you.”

With that, she kicked the door of the pub open and headed back to Solas’ careful not to drop the towels or spill the water.  She had to move slowly despite her desire to rush; it would just take more time if she ended up dropping anything or spilling.  To add to the situation, she soon heard the crunch of snow as someone caught up to her and kept next to her side.  

“Well, this looks interesting.  Heading to Solas’ with bath things.  You planning on bathing him?” At Varric’s voice, she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or not that it was him keeping pace.

She sighed before speaking, “Yes, but it---”

“Wait really?” The footfall paused before hurrying to catch up, the dwarfs familiar laugh reaching her ears, “Andraste’s tits you two move fast.”

“No no.  Stop your dirty thoughts.”  They got to Solas door, and she paused.  “Make yourself useful and hold this water for a minute.”

“Only if I get to use some of this in a book of my choosing.”

“Your… Oh, fine just take the basin.”  

Varric appeared in front of her, and she handed the washbasin to him before reaching up to grab the towels from her head.  She opened the door and motioned for him to go inside.  Solas was still laying on the bed where she'd left him, and if possible seemed paler.  

At the sight of him, Varric’s expression turned serious, “Well, shit.  I knew something was wrong, but the stubborn bastard refused to admit it.”

“Sounds like him.”  She motioned to the floor next to the bed.  “Will you set it there please?”

She set all but one of the cloths down on the bed.  Varric watched as she took one towel and hurried outside, reaching down she grabbed some snow, wrapping it inside the cloth before bringing it back in.  That done she kneeled by the bed and put the cloth with the snow into the hot water.

Varric watched closely even leaning forward to get a better look.  “What are you doing?”

Ella’s eyes glanced at him before turning back to the water, her fingers moving the cloth around, “I need to bring his fever down first, but you never want to bring a fever down too fast.  So I asked for hot water and am using the snow to make it lukewarm.  I’ll need to---”  She felt a flush come to his face, “To remove his top so I can get under his armpits.”

Varric’s eyebrows raised, “Why there?”

“It is one of the high heat areas… the other is the uhm… groin.”  An idea came, “You could maybe---”

Varric immediately took a step back throwing his hands up, “Oh no, don’t look at me.  I like Chuckles fine, but we aren’t that close.”

“Worth a shot.”  When she felt that the water was a nice lukewarm she removed the cloth setting it next to the basin before turning her attention to Solas.  

She set on the bed next to him and went to work removing his belt gently and placing that on the floor.  That done she wrapped her arms around him lifting him against her and pulling the back of his shirt up.  It was a bit of a challenge to get the shirt off, but she managed.  No thanks to Varric who was taking mental notes the whole time while laughing under his breath.

When she had the shirt off, she was careful not to look too much.  Instead, she forced her attention back to the washbasin.  She dunked on of the cloths in the water making sure it got fully soaked before ringing out the excess.  She went back to the bed sitting on the edge next to Solas.

Ella took his wrist lifting one arm carefully over his head before starting to apply the lukewarm cloth.  She couldn’t help but notice him some as she worked.  He was fit, toned but not overly muscular, and smooth, really smooth.  She found herself wondering if this was an elf thing, and worse, if it applied to every part of his body or…

She pushed the thought away talking to Varric to distract herself.  “Varric will you get another cloth wet that I can put on his forehead?”

“Sure, Kitten.  If you tell me what you were thinking about.”

She felt heat creeping into her cheeks, “I’ve no idea wha--”

“Your face gives you away.”  Varric chuckled but went to do as she’d asked, “You really should never make gambling a habit.”

“Something I was well aware of,” She rested the cloth she’d had in Solas armpit, bringing his arm back down and reaching out for the cloth Varric held out to her. “Thanks.”

Ella folded the cloth and placed it on his head.  His brows furrowed for a moment but otherwise he didn’t stir.  With a sigh, she stood and turned back to Varric, “Will you watch him while I go see Adan.”

“Sure, Kitten.”

As she left the lodging, she went over what she would need.  She’d need herbs that would help with inflammation and clearing the sinuses.  Maybe she could make tea.  She recalled seeing something that looked a lot like honey.  Though convincing Adan to give it to her might be a challenge.  She’d just have to hope she’d established enough of a relationship with him he’d be willing to give a bit.

 


	16. A Sick Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a shorter update! It's been a really crazy week for me, some family stuff and I've been sick with a cold, of all things...
> 
> Anyways next week should be back to longer chapters but I hope you enjoyed this one even though it was a bit shorter :P
> 
> Also for the elven I have him as mumbling for a couple reasons. One he is super out of it, not totally aware like he isn't even really registering where he is at the moment, so when he does talk it is mumbled and hard to understand. On top of that it is in elven so the chances of her being able to make out clearly everything he was saying, especially when it is mumbled like that, would be slim. 
> 
> As for the small phrases she does make out, I kept flip flopping on if I should give the translations and settled on yes. So for those who want them they are in the end notes but for those who would rather stay in Ella's head and not know what it means for sure just skip reading the end notes :)

Since being dropped into this crazy world, she’d had a lot of bizarre experiences. The sudden curse, urhm ability, to create fire when angry. The huge green rip in the sky that, apparently, came as a package deal with demons, like some sadistic two for one deal.

There was also the more mundane things that never got mentioned in all those fantasy novels and shows. For example, the lack of plumbing, the lack of technology, and lack of heaters when you lived in, what felt like, the land beyond the Wall in Game of Thrones.

Despite all that other stuff, this argument she was having seemed like one that was going to be ingrained in her mind as one of the most bizarre moments of her life. Had she not been in the center of it, she would have found the scene comic. She stood between Solas and Adan, her hands on her hips like a disapproving mother. Adan scowled at her with such ferocity that she wouldn’t be surprised if the expression became permanently stuck there. Meanwhile, Solas slept fitfully behind her, and Varric leaned against the wall a look of pure amusement on his features.

Without taking her eyes from Adan, she tilted her head in Varric’s directions, “You’re having too much fun with this, Varric. If this shows up in one of your books---”

“I’ll change the names, Kitten.” The force of will it was taking him not to burst into laughter was evident in his voice.

“That’s not--”

Adan broke in jabbing his finger at her, “You asked for my help; now you question it. I’ve years of experience. I know what I’m doing.”

Ella’s brows furrowed, “You said yourself you weren’t a healer. I came to you for advice and supplies. _Not_ leeches!” Her eyes went to the offending jar full of what looked like living slime.

Adan started to move forward, “They’ll get the sickness from him. Now move, stubborn woman!”

“No! He needs his blood in him. At best they’ll do nothing at worst they’ll slow healing.” As he neared her, Ella stepped in front of him once more, holding him back with one hand.

“You shouldn’t let your own squeamish nature get in the way--”

Her heart sped, and she ground her teeth, “I am not squeamish, and my preferences have---” she felt her arm grabbed and wrist exposed in one swift movement before she felt a moist squirming against her flesh. For a split second, she blanched before she felt her face flush and body tense, “Did you just…”

Varric, no longer able to hold back, spoke between guffaws, “Oh Maker, this is gold.”

Adan looked satisfied as he put the lid back on the leech jar, “See. He won’t even feel it.”

She felt adrenaline rush through her body and her voice lowered remaining deadly calm, “If you do not remove this nasty thing from my wrist immediately, I swear I will light you and all your damn leeches on fire.”

Adan simply shook his head, “Don’t be--”

“I’d do what she says,” Despite the still amused expression on Varric’s face he’d taken a few steps back, “When she was mad before she set fire to all the Herald’s curtains.”

Adan didn’t make a move; he just kept looking at her smugly, she felt the air snap with tension as she held back. It took all her mental energy to concentrate and let out just enough magic to her wrist. She heard a sizzling sound and then a plop.

“What did you do!?” Adan rushed forward to grab the leech from the floor. “These aren’t easy to keep here you know.”

Ella rubbed her wrist, “I did warn you. Now get out and take them with you.” She might feel guilty about snapping at him later, but right now she just wanted peace and time to stop the boiling in her blood.

Adan’s face went red, “You can find your own damn supplies, woman. Don’t come to me for help if you’re going to be so disrespectful.” His last word was punctuated by the door slamming.

Ella brought one hand to rub the bridge of her nose, the other going towards Varric in a halt signal, “Not a word.”

Ella heard mumbling behind her and a rustle as Solas shifted, immediately she kicked herself for not being more aware of him. She turned and went to the bed, sitting carefully on the edge as she reached a hand out to feel his head. He looked at her, but his eyes seemed distant like he saw her but didn’t register who she was.

She removed her hand with a sigh, at least his temperature seemed to have gone down.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” She needed to get fluids in him, water and some tea with honey. “I’m going to get you something to drink.”

Solas grabbed her wrist with weak fingers, “Tel’dara.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

Varric stood from the wall, “I think it’s safe to assume he doesn’t want you going anywhere, Kitten. I’ll get what you need.”

Ella shook her head and started to stand, “I doubt that’s what--”

Solas’ long fingers gripped her more firmly and when he spoke his voice, though still weak, was insistent, “Tel’dara.”

“Oh…” The moment she settled back to sitting on the bed he relaxed again. “I--I guess… hmmm.”

Varric just chuckled, shaking his head, “What do you need?”

Ella had Varric bring her parchment notebook and wrote down a few things before tearing the short list out. He looked it over and gave a nod before heading out of the lodge. When the door shut, she turned her eyes to Solas. Now that he’d released her wrist she felt his head once more to assure herself that he was still stable.

His eyes were closed and his breathing as even as it could be with a cold. She sighed bringing her hand back to her lap, speaking in a hushed tone. “I’m gonna have to leave eventually you know. At the very least to use the bathroom.”

Solas mumbled something in, what she assumed, was elven. At his tone, her brows furrowed, “How do you manage to sound like you're both complementary and insulting even in a language I don’t understand?”

He mumbled something else before his eyes seemed to try to focus on her face once more. The look he gave her was contradictory, somehow seeming both sharp and puzzled. She felt the familiar heat of a blush rising in her cheeks and stumbled to form words, “Wh--what? What’s with you?”

“Garas quenathra?”

“Yeah… still no idea what you’re---” she froze, eyes going wide, as his fingers came up and brushed her cheek. She could feel her pulse pounding in her throat as his fingers moved up to run along the curve of her ear. When his fingers started towards her neck she snapped out of it and yanked away with such force, she almost fell off the bed. “Stop that. I know you’re sick, but you can’t just go around touching people’s ears.”

He chuckled. The infuriating man actually chuckled and then let out a couple of hoarse coughs. His eyes stayed on her face as he spoke again, “Ma're ina'lan'ehn.”

This time, she swore she detected a flirtatious lilt to his words, her blush increased in response, and she frowned, “Stop with the teasing. If you’re well enough to flirt just to make me fidget I’m clearly not needed.” She stood from the bed and started to move before he could grab her again.

“Ir abelas. Tel’dara.”

It sounded like a sincere apology and made her pause, “Fine but no more teasing.”

He raised one copper brow but nodded before turning to lay fully on his back and closing his eyes. She fidgeted for a moment debating what to do before settling on the edge of the bed again. When he looked at her, it was as though he didn’t recognize her completely. It made her wonder if he’d remember any of this when he was better.

After several coughs and sniffs later Solas seemed to have truly dozed off. Ella felt her muscles starting to relax and realized just how tense all this had made her. What was all that talk about anyways and the touching… her fingers went up to brush where his had been, but she shook her head placing her hand back in her lap.

Luckily it wasn’t long after that Varric came back with the items and with Ivy. Ella stood and went over to take the fresh hot water from Ivy and start making some tea. From the Botanical Compendium, she had a decent idea of what to use and from her own world experiences she knew the honey would help soothe.

As Ella worked at the table near the entrance, Ivy went over to Solas with a tsk sound. “You should have told us you stubborn mage. You hear me ya old coot?”

Ella snorted and continued crushing herbs for the tea, “Is he really old? I mean it is different for elves right?”

There was silence and when she looked over her shoulder to see why they’d stop talking Ivy had moved so close it made Ella jump. Ivy looked at with her head tilted, “You really did live under a rock didn’t you?”

A blush sneaked into her cheeks again, “I… that is…”

“Elves haven’t been immortal for a long time. So no it isn’t that different.” Varric was leaning against the wall again watching Ella work, “You make a man curious where you’re from, Kitten.”

“It’s complicated.” The water had turned a nice amber color indicating the herbs had soaked long enough, she motioned to Ivy, “Would you mind pouring this into the mug for me and I’ll hold the strainer?”

Once the tea was in the mug Ivy and Varric had brought, she took it over to Solas. It was tricky to get him to drink. He was still half out of it, and he seemed to not be very fond of tea, it took her adding several more spoonfuls of honey before he would touch the stuff. Even then, he only drank half. Still it was something.

Ivy waited until Ella got Solas settled again before motioning towards the door with a tilt of her head. When they got over there, she spoke in a hushed tone to Varric and Ella, “We’ve made a plan. We’ll be leaving for Val Royeaux as soon as possible. I’ll get them to wait until Solas is better but they’ll want to leave as soon as he is.”

“I’m hopeful he’ll only take a few days to get better, but if you don’t want him getting sick again immediately, you’ll need to have him rest for at least another day or two after.”

Varric looked at Ella, “Were you a healer?”

Ella gave a small shake of her head, “No. My hus-- that is we just believed in taking care of ourselves when possible at my home. I can handle simple things like a cold well enough.”

She debated telling them to wash their hands after being in here, but she didn’t know what good it would do, besides then Varric would probably ask why and trying to explain germs without giving herself away seemed like way too much work at the moment.

Varric still looked at her with those eyes that saw way more than he let on but in the end, he shrugged, “I’m going to go have some ale. You up for a game of Wicked Grace, Spiker?”

“You up for losing again?”

Varric just waved his hand and tsked before heading out, Ella gave a lopsided grin as she held the door open for them.

Ivy continued out the door speaking as she left, “Don’t forget to feed yourself, Sissy. And before I forget… you’re coming this time too.”

Ella blanched, “Wait, what? But I’m not--”

“It shouldn’t be a dangerous trip. It's time for you to get some new scenery.”

Ella had her mouth open to protest, but Ivy was already back in conversation with Varric on their way to the Singing Maiden, so she shut it again with a heavy sigh. In retrospect, this was all her own fault. She should have left while they were gone but she’d kept making excuses. Now she was stuck until Solas got better and until she got back from this “trip.” She knew Ivy well enough to know that once the woman had decided something it was decided, there was no getting out of this one.

“I’m sorry, Luke.”

She went back into Solas’ lodging shutting the door before grabbing and wetting another towel. She set on Solas’ bed once more placing the cloth on his head carefully. Solas’ brows furrowed and his mouth curved into a frown, she quickly searched for a song in her head that would help him sleep but kept coming up blank. That is until the most absurd idea of all came into her head.

She looked at him as he fidgeted more. “No that would never work…” He let out a small moan followed by a cough and she sighed, reaching out a hand to rub his belly over the blankets before starting to sing, “Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr.”

Amazingly he stopped moving, his face smoothing out, and she had to stifle back the giggle that tickled the back of her throat at the absurdity of it all. That had actually worked, of all the… honestly, the camera crew could come out any day now and say that she’d been punked or something.

She smoothed the blankets over him before standing and going to study some of his books on demons. As long as she was stuck here for longer, she might as well take the time to prepare herself more for what she may face in her attempt to get back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I got any of these translations wrong, or there is anything else, do not be shy about critiquing! Feedback helps me improve so is always welcome.
> 
> Tel'dara = Don't go  
> Garas quenathra? = Why are you here?/Why have you come here?  
> Ma're ina'lan'ehn. = You are beautiful.  
> Ir Abelas = I'm sorry.


	17. The Healed Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for not posting anything last Friday. For any of you that follow me as solaslover on tumblr you might have seen my update there about some family emergencies coming up. Things are still a bit hectic and stressful but writing should be resuming back to normal now. I appreciate your patience <3

Ella slept little the following nights, constantly feeling the need to check on Solas and make sure his temperature had stayed regular. When he seemed to get fitful in his sleep, she would hum random melodies to him, and he would settle again.

The next couple days she fell into a routine of forcing him to drink some tea. Well, it was more like honey with a little tea thrown in. Who knew the man had such a sweet tooth? The tea and honey did seem to be helping, and his breathing had evened out, the coughing becoming less frequent.

When afternoons rolled around Ivy would come by with some broth for both her and Solas, as well as some bread. At one point she brought some kind of Thedas cold remedy. Ella was hesitant with it given that leeches were still considered a valid cure for things, however, the ingredients were simply whiskey, lemon, and garlic, so she tried to give him some of it. Solas got about half of it down which was more than expected given the rather pungent odor it gave.

Evenings she would try to bathe him to ensure his temperature stayed down. It was always a bit of a challenge getting his shirt off and then, even more of a challenge, to not be embarrassed by washing a half naked man. Though she had started to see him as a potential friend, a vast improvement from her initial impressions, they were still hardly on terms where bathing each other would be normal.

Now that it was the fourth day of this she would like to say that seeing him topless did not affect her at all, but she’d be lying. It wasn’t that she wanted him or what have you, but she’d have to be blind not to note that he had an attractive build. He was intelligent, lean muscled, and had a wit about him that she enjoyed bantering with. It was only natural she’d find him attractive. It didn’t mean anything.

As she continued to wash him and ponder, she felt long fingers clamp around her wrist followed by a still raspy voice, “What are you doing?”

Her face flushed and she swallowed to prevent herself from stammering, “Nursing you, obviously.”

“Nursing?”

She continued to stare at the wall instead of his face, but the tone of his voice made her blink, “Healing.”

“You have a unique way of healing.”

“It keeps the fever down.” This time, she did look at his face. He had one eyebrow raised, and she swore she saw the hint of a smirk. Still he was lucid, and his coloring was back, so that was good. She pulled her wrist free of his hand leaving the cloth on his chest, “Since you’re well enough to give me a hard time I imagine you’re well enough to do this yourself.”

She turned her back to him going over to the desk and opening the first book there. It was one of the ones about the creatures of Thedas. Some adorable some the things of nightmares. The page she happened to open up to was about deepstalkers which fell distinctly in the second category. Not that she was registering anything on the page at the moment.

Ella heard the rustle of blankets followed by Solas’ voice, “Were you a healer?”

She kept her eyes trained on the book, “No. I just know how to treat minor illness like yours and smaller wounds. If you’d admitted, you were sick sooner it---”

“I did not know.”

At that, she did turn to him her brows furrowed. He had set up on the bed and was pulling his tunic back on, once he was done she spoke, “How could you not know?” Instead of answering he simply went to put on his belt and work at straightening the top, “Wait… have you… have you never been sick before? Is that like an elf thing?”

She watched his shoulders stiffen before he cleared his throat, “No. How long?”

“Four days.” She leaned back against the desk eyeing him, “No to being sick before or no to it being an elf thing?”

His eyes glanced at her and she imagined if he hadn’t put his polite mask back on she would have seen irritation written on his features. She opened her mouth to speak again when the door opened, and Ivy’s cheery voice filled the lodge.

“I’ve got a surprise.” As Ivy came all the way in she paused when she saw Solas her grin growing, “Ah look who's finally up. I suppose you can have some too.” She came over to the desk pushing some of the books and papers aside before setting down a large covered dish and three spoons.

Ivy removed the cover of the dish with a flourish looking rather proud of herself. When Ella saw what was there, she blanched, and she spoke before she could catch herself, “What is that?”

Ivy glanced at her and shrugged, “I know it has pork hock instead of pig’s feet, but you make due with what you’ve got.”

Ella looked at the gelatinous thing in front of her; she swore it was still quivering, and the bits of strange looking meat hunks in the translucent goop did nothing to make her want it more. “Uh… thanks. I’m not really that hungry, though.”

“Nonsense. You’ve hardly eaten anything since he’s been ill. You’ve gotten even thinner. This is delicious and will help put some meat back on your bones. I’ve seen you getting more used to eating meat and the hunks aren’t huge.” Ivy grabbed one of the spoons and took a large chunk of the mess popping it into her mouth before chewing with a look of sheer bliss on her face.

Solas’ voice came from so close behind Ella it made her jump, “You are thinner.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him as he looked her up and down, a frown on his face. “I’m fine. Worry about you. Do you feel dizzy at all?”

“No.” Solas reached for one of the spoons his arm brushing against her. She stepped back to let him get closer and moved over to the far wall, leaning against it. He took a smaller bite than Ivy and chewed thoughtfully before speaking again, “I had heard of this dish but not tried it. It has a… unique texture. I did not think it was made outside of the Free Marches.”

“I made a special request.” Ivy winked before taking another big bite.

Great, now Ella had to try the stuff. With a barely audible sigh, she went back up to them taking the last spoon. Solas stepped back, this time, to allow her in, she looked at the quivering mass on the spoon before closing her eyes and shoving it into her mouth. It was a new level of disgusting. It took everything she had not to spit it back out, and though she fought it, she knew she must have made a face.

Ivy laughed, “Not your favorite?”

Ella forced herself to swallow the bite, placing the spoon back down, “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, more for me.” Ivy spoke again between mouthfuls, “Is the patient good for travel yet?”

Ella glanced at Solas, “I’d probably give it---”

“I am.”

“Says the man who let a cold turn into a raging fever.” She crossed her arms staring him down; Solas meanwhile showed no reaction.

Ivy looked between them for a moment before standing and gathering what was left of the strange jellied dish. “Usually, I’d side with Ella, but I’m going to have to trust Solas on this one.” Ella opened her mouth, but Ivy put up a hand, “It’s for the greater good. Cassandra is going to pace a hole in the floor of that Chantry if we put this off any longer, besides you’ll be with us so you can keep an eye on him.”

Solas stood now hands behind his back, “Forgive me Herald, but do you think that the wisest---”

“I do. No argument from either of you. We leave in the morning.” With that, Ivy headed out the door.

Ella stood there in silence for a moment longer before releasing another small sigh, “Well that’s that I guess. Just let me pack up my stuff and I’ll get out of your space.”

“That would be pointless.”

She continued to gather her few things into a large pack Varric had given her, “Meaning?”

“We leave tomorrow. You may stay here tonight and move back into the tavern when we return.”

She tossed her little notebook into the pack and closed it, “While I appreciate the gesture I’m tired of sleeping on the floor. Besides, I don’t have enough to make going back a hassle.” She put the pack on her back and started out pausing at the door, “You should rest today.”

“Thank you. You did not have to heal me.”

She laughed, “Adan was planning on leeching you. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy much less a…” She cleared her throat, “I’ll see you in the morning.” She hurried out closing the door firmly behind her before he could say anything more.

When she got to the tavern she paid Flissa some coin that she’d gotten from Adan for a loaf of bread, taking it up to her room to eat. Once there she decided it would be easier just to leave most of her stuff packed but grabbed the Sword and Shields book out of the bag, before resting the bag against the end of the bed.

That done she plopped down to read and munch on the bread. It was a bit stale since it had been cooked this morning but still better than the processed store bought stuff you would find in her world. She’d always loved home baked bread especially when it had little seeds in it.

The book had proved to be a nice distraction too. Although she tried to spend most of her alone time studying relevant topics in regards to Thedas, having a few moments of just relaxing was preventing her from losing her mind. At least, it kept her from losing it any more than she already had, given everything.

After she had finished her bread, she moved to lay on her stomach and gave a sound of discomfort in the back of her throat as pressure hit her breasts. She shifted to her back and started reading for a moment before the significance of the breast tenderness hit her.

How long had it been since she got here? A month? How long before she left had her last period ended? She tried to do the math in her head but either way, it was pointless. Her breasts were always the indicators that the inevitable was coming.

Of course, it had to be now. She wasn’t so worried about talking to Ivy or having to use a cloth since she’d been using the washable pads for a while now to lessen her footprint. So it couldn’t be that different. What she wasn’t looking forward to was being on horseback, for who knew how many days, during her cycle.

She lifted her head, grabbing her pillow and placing it over her face, she let out a scream as she kicked her feet like a child throwing a tantrum. Once she’d calmed down, she brought the pillow down to her chest and stared at the ceiling.

A month.

Had it truly been that long since she got here? What was happening back in her world? If she’d disappeared were they still searching or was she declared dead? Or maybe there was some shell of a thing walking around as her? The best solution would be if it was like Narnia, years gone by in this world and only minutes in her world. That was if she was lucky, which in retrospect, she supposed she was given that she hadn’t been killed yet.

She set up and looked at the bag she’d left on the floor. It still had her things from her world, and she’d not had the courage yet to try to turn on her cell. Assuming that, by some miracle, it still had some battery it certainly wouldn’t be much. If she could only see Luke’s face for a second, then she wanted to wait till she was at a real breaking point. She put off trying to turn it on and see like a lost hiker would put off eating the last trail bar. Though she was so tempted, especially moments like this when it really hit her just how long she’d been gone.

With one deep sigh, she stood. It would likely start to get dark soon so best to find Ivy now and talk to her before the hectic hustle that tomorrow morning would inevitably bring.

She hoped Ivy would be downstairs drinking with Varric but unfortunately neither were there. The next guess was that she was at the Chantry making last minute preparations for tomorrow’s journey which made Ella hesitate for a moment at the idea of interrupting something important. Still she should at least check.

She made her way out of the Singing Maiden and towards the Chantry pulling up her hood and tucking her hands in the cloaks folds as she went. While she walked, she kept her head down and found herself still somewhat awed at how silent this place could be compared to what she was used. Aside from the soldiers when they trained every sound was muffled almost, it wasn’t complete silence but much closer to it than she was used to. No airplanes, no vehicle horns, no stereos blaring, or any of the other sounds she was so used to.

What made her glance up as she walked wasn’t a sound. It was just some strange urge that tickled the back of her neck and when she did look up a frown formed. With purposeful steps, she went up the steps in front of her and towards the tall figure standing in the fading light.

Ella put on her best disapproving mother tone, “I thought I told you to rest.”

Solas didn’t so much as glance at her as she went to stand next to him. She looked at him for a moment before following the direction of his stare up to the Breach and spoke again, “I’m getting real sick of looking at that thing.”

Solas spoke then in a quiet tone, “Why did you help me?”

The randomness of the statement threw her off, and she had to take a moment to let the words register, “I want to help. When I can, that is.” For as long as I can. The last sentence remained on the tip of her tongue.

“You were going to say something.”

He still refused to look at her, but she glanced at his profile before turning her eyes back to the sky, “When?” He didn’t answer instead simply waited and when the silence grew too long she let out of a huff of air watching the little cloud it formed in the chill night before speaking, “I was going to say much less a friend but… I don’t know if that’s really…” She took a deep sigh, something she’d done a lot lately, and shook her head.

“I would…” Solas shifted and cleared his throat, “It has been long since I have been able to trust, to know people outside of the Fade, I--”

“Solas, please.” Guilt clenched at her heart. She would leave them all, leave them without word and without giving reason. It was a betrayal of sorts and to have him finally open up a bit was something she had hoped for but not to her. He needed to open to someone who would really be here. “You can trust Ivy and Varric. They are good people and they do not judge you being a mage.”

“I am not so sure.” Now he did turn to her, “Should I not trust you?”

At the intensity of his gaze she took a half step back, “I-- that is, it’s complicated. I can tell you I wish no harm against any of you.”

“Yet, you say I should not trust you.”

“I didn’t-- that is…” She moved another step back, “I need to find Ivy. There is something I need to ask before we leave.”

As she turned to go, she felt a grip on her arm stopping her, and Solas moved in front of her looking at her face intently, “What are you?”

“I think I recall you asking before and my answer was---”

“Overly simplistic.” The hand on her arm remained there, and the other came up to move the hood from her face, “I do not know the true answer yet, but I do know you are different, special.”

“A special kind of messed up maybe.” She moved her arm to free it from his grasp, and he released her. “I need to go.”

As soon as she was free, she turned, pulling her hood back up and hurrying towards the Chantry as snowflakes began to fall once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has ended up more slice of life type story than originally planned but I'm kind of just letting the characters take me where they want to go which has been fun. Hope you all enjoy still :D


	18. Solas - On the Road

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV chapter :)

Solas found it hard to sleep that night which was not an occurrence he was accustomed to; logic would dictate that the cause should be something like he’d had too much rest or he was preoccupied with making sure things went as much to plan as possible. However, he was no fool and no matter how he would wish it he could not deny the real reason was the girl.

Whenever he would lie down the memory of waking up with her fingers brushing his chest would override all other thoughts. This was something he could not allow. To be so distracted by one woman was unacceptable. He could not be sidetracked from his goal. Things had to be set right, to be made real and whole again. Distractions were not an option for him.

The key, it seemed, was simply not to let himself love her. The more he thought about it, the more convinced he was this would not pose a problem. He was well in control of his actions and emotions. He knew that love was powerful, though he had never felt that kind of deep spirit connecting love for a woman he had witnessed it. He’d seen its strength. But he also believed in the power of the mind, and perhaps even more important, the power of the will.

This should be even easier considering he did not love her; he wanted her. There was a difference. It had just been so long, and he apparently was not as above all of that as he originally thought. Still this was a small challenge in the grand scheme of things, and he would conquer it.

When dawn first started to bring a faint light to the white world around them, he had already made his way to the stables. The stable hands were just getting ready to prepare the mounts. Solas went about helping them and talking with them about the different horses in their care.

Though the stable hands were kind and eager, it was evident to him that Horsemaster Dennet would be greatly needed should the Inquisition wish to ever have a worthy stable. The knowledge of the current men and women being basic at best. That wasn’t even touching on the issue of the horses themselves who were not war mounts by any stretch of the imagination.

Solas found working with the horses enough of a distraction he did not notice when the rest of the group arrived outside the gates. It wasn’t until they were ready to leave that he led his mount out of the stables, and his eyes found her. The instant draw was something that happened without him realizing it, and he felt his lips pinch ever so slightly.

That was the moment her eyes turned to him also. He must have still had a negative expression on his face because she raised one eyebrow in question. It was enough for him to get control of his features again and walk towards the small group, careful to focus on the Herald.

After morning greetings were quickly exchanged the group mounted. Given how little the girl seemed to know he had expected her to need some help mounting and had paused in getting on his horse should she need aid. However, she mounted with the ease of someone used to riding. He followed suite musing at the fact that it seemed she would forever be surprising him.

The day’s ride was uneventful. The girl stayed with the Child of the Stone and the Herald talking amicably with them. Cassandra stayed near the front quiet and attentive to everything while he chose to ride in the back a bit from the rest allowing him to be left to his thoughts and observations. Though those observations mostly stayed far from the girl, which is where he wanted them, he could not deny he remained aware of her.

Thus, he noticed that the further they got from Haven the less energetic she seemed to be. Her usual jovial nature that came out with the Herald dimmed and she appeared to fidget more and more. There was one point when her agitation became so apparent to him that he debated if he would be able to ride to her and ask but dismissed the idea. She was doing her best to hide it from others. He doubted she’d appreciate having it pointed out in front of them.

Instead, he waited for a good moment. Since the group set up camp an hour before sunset, it was not a long wait. As soon as they had found a spot and dismounted he walked over to where she was helping set up a tent.

He waited till the tent was finished before speaking, “I would appreciate your assistance setting wards.”

She stood stretching her arms above her head before giving him a nod, “Alright.”

They walked silently to the outskirts of the camp. Solas ignored the wary looks given to them by some of the soldiers, and the girl seemed completely oblivious to them, her thoughts somewhere elsewhere. The fact she was not completely present was made more obvious as they set wards. Though he knew she must have become proficient, she was making mistakes like she had when he had first started teaching her.

As she made a small mistake on yet another ward he took her wrist gently, his fingertips feeling as her pulse sped. The thinness of her wrist was unsettling and he had to take a moment to focus and calm his voice before he spoke.

“Stop.”

Her eyes went to him confused, but when she glanced back at the ward, she sighed gently pulling her wrist back, “Sorry.”

Solas knelt down and went to work fixing the ward, “You are distracted.”

When he finished fixing it, she still hadn’t replied and was instead staring back in the direction they’d come from. The breach was still visible in the distance, and her eyes were fixed on it.

He stood and went over to stand next to her, “It disturbs you?”

“Yes…. no… I--” She shook her head, “It’s complicated.”

He took a moment to study her look closer and saw something that managed to take him aback once again, “You do not wish to leave it.”

Her eyes darted to him like a child caught doing something they shouldn’t before turning back. “Please don’t tell the others. I’m strange enough to everyone without that too.”

His mind sorted through what little knowledge he had about her, trying to piece together bits and pieces of the puzzle. She was not like anyone he had ever met before not a spirit but not quite a typical human either. Still could it be… “Did you come from the Fade?”

This time, she took a step back her eyes wide, “No. I… no.”

“Yet you feel a connection to the Breach.”

The flash in her eyes warned him that he’d pushed too far, “Enough. Unless you need more help with the wards, I’m done here.”

“Very well.”

With that she turned on her heel and went back to the others leaving him watching her back, brows furrowed. He finished with the wards and went to join the others staying near the outskirts and watching.

Varric and Ivy were bantering as usual while Cassandra was off to the side talking to some of the men. Ella set next to Ivy trying to finish off the skewer of druffalo meat she’d been handed. He noted the grimace when she took a bite despite how she tried to cover it. It still puzzled him how she could not be used to eating meat. Just another thing to add to the enigma.

An enigma he had no business putting at the top of his priorities. He stood to get a meat skewer for himself and took it to one of the other fires. There he sat and attempted to ponder more pressing issues, not the least of which was the likelihood that they would be seeking the templars help instead of the mages.

Though he did not have many spies at the moment, the ones he did have were proficient and thorough. It had always been his preference to have a smaller group, the larger the group, the larger the chance of leaks.

His spies had been gathering information on the histories of the people he was with. Though they had had little luck with the girl, who seemed to have appeared out of thin air, they had gathered plenty on the others. This included the fact that Ivy had a brother who was a Templar.

Apparently they were not the family favorites. This had resulted in a very deep bond between the two so much so that people who had known them as children said they’d rarely seen one without the other. It was unlikely, therefore, that she would choose the mages over her brother.

The thought of being surrounded by templars was not something he relished. It would be a constant balancing act. He would need to give enough to remain an essential part of the Herald’s inner circle but not so much to put him under the templars suspicious gazes. Visible when needed and invisible when not. He was regaining his strength, but he had enough control over his powers that any issues there were not a concern.

At that thought, his eyes flicked to the girl who was now leaning back and looking at the night sky. Suddenly the idea of being surrounded by templars sent a chill up his spine. He may have control, but she was still learning. If they tried to take her, to make her tranquil… rage filled his gut at the thought of seeing her like that. It was protectiveness that was so intense it startled him.

He stood quickly, walking away from camp with a forced calm that he did not feel. What was wrong with him? Why should he care for the fate of one girl? Of course, he did not wish pain on any of them but in the larger scheme of things--- there was so much more to lose than that. Besides these people were already not far from tranquil. Without the connection to the Fade, they were shells of what had been.

Without a doubt she was different. She had a strong connection to the fade, and he had a nagging feeling it was even stronger than what he’d already seen. Yet she would not, could not, side track his thoughts as she had been.

He allowed himself to walk for a while, enjoying the solitude as he forced his thoughts away from the girl. By the time, he started back to camp he had started to feel centered once more. That was until he came across the figure hunched in the snow a little ways from camp.

It only took a moment for him to recognize her and almost the same moment to recognize that she was losing whatever nourishment she’d managed to eat that night. It still puzzled him how someone could not eat meat and survive. Only someone with access to an abundance of other food would be able to do it. He made a mental note to ask his friends if they’d come across any groups that avoided meat in their journeys.

Meanwhile, he made his way to camp and to his pack, digging through it to pull out a few herbs. One of them to help with nausea and one that would help with the aftertaste of the vomit. He took them going over to her pack and setting the items on top of it. When he straightened again, he caught Varric’s eyes. The child of the Stone simply smiled knowingly at him making Solas have to hold back a frown as he turned to go collect his bedroll.

 


	19. A Dip In The Fade

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being a really fun little break from all the stress going on in my real life right now. I hope you all enjoy reading it like I enjoyed writing it :D

As Ella stood, she figured her one saving grace was that she was fairly certain no one had seen her become sick. She was already of little use to the group and did not want to be that girl. The one she’d always despised in stories who constantly needed to have their hand held and never seemed to contribute. Though she had tried to help with the tents and the wards she’d seemed more in the way than actually useful.

She could say the tents were different from any she’d ever used backpacking and that the wards were simply still a learning process, but that wouldn’t be the full truth. Tents were tents, and the wards were something she’d managed perfectly fine for some time now. The truth was she was distracted.

Physically riding all day had been brutal. She’d ridden a lot growing up, so she was comfortable on horseback but never had she rode for so long. Not only that but it had been several years since she had the opportunity and her muscles were no longer used to it. As of right now her bum was aching uncomfortably, but she knew that would be the least of it come morning.

On top of that was the fact that her cycle had started as she suspected it would. The mix of being on horseback and emotional stress seemed to agitate her body enough to cause cramping along with that indescribable and uncomfortable internal aching that occasionally accompanied heavy flows. The good news was she had thought ahead enough to pack several cloths, and Ivy had shown her a way to clean the dirty ones at camp. That was something at least.

Emotionally she was a wreck. Something about leaving the breach pulled on her. Maybe it was a self-guilt that she should have tried harder to get to it, it felt like something more, though, and she couldn’t understand it. Having to eat the hunks of meat had pushed her over, and she had lost what food she’d managed to eat to the snow. Now she had to head back to camp hoping she could rinse out the taste of vomit by gurgling some of her water before going to sleep.

When she got to her bag, her brows furrowed as she noticed several herbs sitting on the top of it. She lifted them one by one in an attempt to use the light of the fire to better identify them and was grateful for the botanical compendium since she was able to figure out the use of all of them. There was one that she could use to clean her teeth, one to ease nausea, and one to help her sleep.

There was only one person on this trip who she could think of that would carry herbs and know how to use them. Her eyes searched the camp until she found him sitting next to one of the fires and her hands curled tighter around the herbs. The man was confusing to her. He was compassionate but cold at the same time. Though she was quite positive that the coldness was a defense mechanism of some sort.

She took the herbs to the edge of camp and went to work cleaning her mouth as best she could. As she did that, she continued to think about Solas and try to piece things together. Unfortunately, the pieces available to her were minuscule. He was an elven mage apostate from some small village somewhere in Thedas. She suspected that Leliana would have already sent someone to check that the village existed. Unless… was he able to keep himself so unassuming that she let it slip? Ella was sure he was far more powerful and knowledgeable than he wanted the others to know but why? Why did he work so hard to stay under the radar?

As she walked back to camp, she chewed on the herb for nausea and tried to sort her thoughts. She debated going over to him but dismissed it. It was late, and they would leave early tomorrow, plus whatever his reason for hiding she was fairly secure in the fact that he didn’t mean harm towards anyone here.

“Sissy, come get some rest.”

Ella turned toward the sound to find Ivy leaning out of one of the tents and waving at her. She gave Ivy a smile and headed over continuing to chew absentmindedly on the root. When she neared, she paused a moment to spit out the herb before crawling into the tent and over to her furs. As she eased herself down onto the bedroll, she winced, and Ivy cocked her head raising a brow.

“Sore are we?”

Ella let herself move to lie on her back bringing an arm up behind her head as she looked over to Ivy who was set up just to the right of her, “It’s nothing, just not used to riding for so long.”

“Ah right. I guess you being sheltered, you didn’t get out much. You ride pretty good though, considering.”

“Thanks, I think.” She smiled and shifted, so both arms were cuddled in the warmth of the furs.

The tent itself was fairly large and warm from the bodies within. The tent she was inside contained several soldiers and Cassandra who was asleep on the other end of the tent from Ella. Probably not an accident given that Cassandra seemed lukewarm towards her at best. She imagined that Varric and Solas were together with some of the men in the other tent.  
  
Despite the coziness of it, part of her wished they could sleep out in the open, and she let out a sigh at the thought, something she’d been doing an awful lot lately.

“What’s this sigh for sissy?”

“Sorry, I just…” She blushed feeling ashamed at being difficult when Ivy was trying so hard to make things good for her. “It is nothing bad. Just, the night sky is so beautiful here; you can see everything. I was just thinking I wouldn’t have minded having that view all night.”

“You sound as though it is something newer to you.” There was a pause and then a small gasp, “Wait you didn’t live with the dwarves or something did you? Now that would be a story! Va--”

Ella quickly brought her free hand up waving it in the air, “No no, nothing like that. Just… musing I guess.”

There was a rustling sound followed by a contented moan before Ivy spoke again, “I guess it is kind of nice. A bit boring though. Now if there was a dragon or something flying around, that would be really something to awe over.”

“Yeah, right up until you got turned extra crispy.” Suddenly arms wrapped around her making her give an oomph of protest as she was squished against the warm body next to her.

“Awww don’t worry Sissy. I wouldn’t let any big bad dragon make dinner out of you.” Ivy planted a forceful kiss on the top of Ella’s head before continuing, “Your big sis can take on anything. I’m the Herald thingy or whatever after all.”

There was a humph of annoyance from somewhere just beyond Ivy. Ivy laughed before whispering in Ella’s ear, “I think that’s Cassandra’s way of telling us to go the fuck to sleep.” With that, Ivy released her and rolled over.

Ella gave a soft snort at that before settling deeper into her furs. Though she shut her eyes she found it difficult to sleep, a fact that was not helped by the chorus of snoring that soon began all around her. She rolled into a ball on her side pulling the furs up to her ears. For once instead of thinking of Luke she fell asleep thinking of ways to find out more about Solas.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When she opened her eyes, she found herself next to a lake with a large waterfall splashing down. There were cliffs so high she had to crane her neck back to see the tops and lush forest all around her. With wide eyes, she tried to take everything in when suddenly she saw something riding the drafts high above her head.

As she squinted up at it, she made out large graceful wings and did a double take when she noticed not two but four legs. Her eyes widened, it couldn’t be could it? Without a second thought, she hurried to the side of the waterfall. There appeared to be a ledge about 20 feet up. If she could just get to that she would be able to get a better view of the creature.

She only took a moment to assess the rock face before starting up. She was eager to get a better view but forced herself to go slow and steady. Though she’d been to many rock climbing gyms, she’d only been rock climbing outdoors twice and always with the safety of ropes. Her muscles didn't ache as they had in the waking world at all here in the Fade but she still didn’t want to test her luck by taking a tumble off the side of a cliff.

It was fairly easy for the most part. The lack of muscle ache seemed to continue even as she climbed giving her the ability to continue moving at a good pace and the rocks were surprisingly dry given the proximity to the waterfall that roared right next to her.

It seemed almost no time at all that she reached the ledge. She brought her hand up to it preparing to pull herself up when a wispy vaguely human shape poked itself over the ledge and stared at her, head cocked to the side. She let out a squeal of surprise and her body jumped involuntarily, just enough that she lost her grip.

Well... shit. She supposed she’d be testing out if she could get hurt here or not after all. She imagined there was a way you were supposed to position yourself to try and do the least damage but for the life of her she couldn’t recall anything. Instead, she held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut preparing for the inevitable with the deep hope that it wouldn’t kill her.

However, instead of ground she stopped mid-air and felt herself held against something warm and wet, supported at her knees and upper back. Still in a state of shock from the fall, she kept her eyes closed not sure what she might open them too.

A voice spoke from just above her, “I would recommend against attempts at flight. You are not a bird.”

At the sound of the voice, her eyes opened and met a pair of blue-grey ones looking back at her. They continued down his lightly freckled nose, to the smirk on his lips, and on down to discover that yes he was, in fact, topless.

She swallowed forcing her eyes to look anywhere but him as a blush heated her cheeks, “You’re not wearing a top.”

“I should think you would be used to that now.”

She opened her mouth to retort but seemed completely without any ability to form cohesive thoughts.

Solas chuckled, “When I swim here in solitude I prefer to do so in the nude. I had not expected company.”

In. The. Nude. She felt her eyes widen and blush deepen, “You… I… why would---”

He chuckled once more, and she felt fabric against the skin that had been touching his chest. She allowed herself to glance at his chest again to find he was now clothed and her brows furrowed.

“I thought you would prefer this. If you would like me to return to---”

“No!” She crossed her arms over her chest before realizing how childish that must look, “Just... I didn’t know you could do that, make clothes appear like that.”

“It is not difficult.”

“For you maybe.” Glancing at the smirk still on his features she felt at a distinct disadvantage to be taken seriously when she was being cradled in his arms. “Please put me down.”

Solas eased her to her feet before taking a few steps back. Ella went about trying to straighten her clothing and regain some form of dignity. The clothing she was in were from her world, jean shorts, a light blue tank top, and tennis shoes. Suddenly she felt self-conscious in the clothing so different from Solas’ and wished she also knew how to just magically change them.

“Why did you not call out for me?”

At that her eyes went up to meet his, though her fingers continued to fuss at her clothing, “I didn’t even know you were here.”

“You sought me out.”

That stilled her fingers, and she raised an eyebrow at him, “I most certainly did not.”

“If you had not you would not be here.”

“I--” She shut her mouth looking around her. This was somewhere completely unknown to her, and if Solas’ lessons on the Fade had been correct, there was no logical reason she should be here.

“It was an accident? Fascinating.”

Her lips thinned and she turned from him moving her focus back up the cliff face in an attempt to spot whatever it was that had startled her so much.

“You were thinking of me when you went to sleep.” His voice came from directly behind her, and she jumped turning towards him before taking a step back so that her nose wasn’t touching his chest.

“I wasn’t.” At his raised eyebrow she rolled her eyes and turned from him again, “Fine I was, but it was not anything special. I was just curious about some things.”

“Things?”

“Yeah.” She tried to act nonchalant and went forward to touch the cliff edge as she spoke. “We already established that we were curious about each other some time ago. Or did you forget?”

“How could I forget such a ferocious cat?”

She decided to ignore the bait instead starting to try to climb once more.

“Are you so determined to fall? If I had known, I would not have caught you the first time.”

She paused only a few feet off the ground, “I only fell because something startled me. There was… it was wispy but had a human look to it. A spirit?”

“That is the most logical conclusion.” As she started to climb once more, he continued, “The spirit is gone now.”

This time, she didn’t pause, “You can feel spirits nearby?”

“Yes. Come down.”

“Why?”

“If the spirit is gone there is no reason for you to continue. I do not wish to catch you again.”

She sighed but paused once more, “I wasn’t climbing for the spirit. I saw… I thought I saw…” She chewed at her lower lip debating if she should say it.

“A griffin?”

“So it was a griffin…” her eyes widened at the thought, and she started up again. “But I thought you said they were extinct.”

“Outside of the Fade, yes. Now come down. I will take you to see a griffin close up another night.”

“You will not let me simply climb in peace?”

“I would like to continue my swim in peace. Until I am sure I will not have to rush out and catch you I can not do that.”

With one last glance at the ledge above her, she started to make her way back down. Once she was a couple feet of the ground she jumped the rest of the way landing softly in the grass before turning from the cliff face, “Why was---” her eyes found Solas in the lake again appearing to be naked once more, “Do you have to?”

“You do not care for swimming?”

“I meant the naked part.”

He raised a copper brow at her as he stood neck-deep in the water, “Do they swim and bathe in all their clothing where you are from?”

She shifted her weight and placed a hand on her hip, “No we wear swimsuits. For swimming, obviously we bathe nude.”

“Swimsuits?”

She hesitated for a moment at having unintentionally revealed another difference but really swimsuits weren’t that outlandish. Not like revealing what a cell phone was or something. Standing her ground she continued, “Yeah. They are outfits designed specifically for use in the water.”

“So I assumed.”

Solas moved towards the shore slowly revealing more of himself. Her eyes moved without any say on her part. They took in his chest once more, beautifully sculpted lean muscle that now seemed to glisten as droplets of water caught the sun. There was so much grace to his movements yet also a coiled strength just below the surface that was both intimidating and mesmerizing.

She bit her lip forcing her mind back to where it should be and her eyes up to his face. “Stop that. Get back in the water.”

That smirk was back on his face, but he stopped where he was, the water coming up to his belly button. “I wanted to see these swimsuits you speak of.”

“I have no idea how to do that clothing trick of yours.”

“Trust me. You can. Focus. Draw on your willpower. See in your mind what you wish to bring to being. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

There were a lot of things she wished to bring to being at the moment. A couch. A massage therapist. A hot bubble bath, a few glasses of wine, and a good book. Though she supposed, she could start with baby steps and try the swimsuit thing. She had always loved to swim, and she wasn’t about to get naked.

The first swimsuit that came to mind was her favorite. It was a deep red one piece in a retro style that accentuated the dip of her waist taking the focus away from her smaller chest. She felt the familiar snugness of the swimsuit fabric against her skin and knew she’d been successful. She opened her eyes looking down at herself. Immediately she smiled so largely her cheeks hurt. She’d done it. She’d actually done it.

“I did it! Did you see that!?” She looked up to find Solas, but he had disappeared, and her smile was replaced by a frown, “Solas?”

“I did not doubt you would.”  His voice was barely audible, and it took her a bit to find him. He’d already swam near the waterfall and was continuing to swim farther away from her without looking back.

Her frown deepened, “You were the one who said you wanted to see a swimsuit, what gives?”

Either he didn’t hear her or had decided to ignore her because he said nothing and didn’t even glance her way. Deciding not to let his sudden change in mood affect her she started into the water. The temperature was ideal, like a warm bath, and she gave a long sigh of pleasure before diving under the clear water.

The water immediately put her in an excellent mood. She was even happy enough that she started to swim towards where she’d last seen Solas to try and engage him again. When she got over to him, she started asking him various questions. She asked him for facts about griffins, tried to get him to tell her where this was, thanked him for the roots asking where he found them, and when he managed to answer all those with short, mostly one word answers, she gave up. Instead, she simply rambled at him for a while.

Finally, he interrupted her, “You are very talkative.”

She frowned irritation stirring in her belly, “Maybe if you actually spoke more and made it a conversation I would talk less.”

“I talk when I have something to say not simply to hear my own voice.”

Her eyes narrowed, and she felt fire in her belly. However when she opened her mouth to retort words were being terribly stubborn to come.

“We should wake. It will be time to leave soon, and since there will be no more peace here it seems---”

Now she did find her voice, “You’re being very rude, and I don’t appreciate it.” With that, she forced herself awake and away from the source of her growing irritation.


	20. The Cat Learns New Tricks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I'd like to apologize for not updating sooner and thank all of you for sticking with me on this. A lot has happened in my personal life but things finally seem to be evening out again so yay. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming now :D
> 
> So this chapter is a longer one and it has quite a bit of Ivy and Varric, for those of you that love those two like I do you will hopefully enjoy this chapter :)

The day's ride had started almost the second she woke up. The group didn’t have to make a full meal since they had some kind of dried meat they passed around. Ella accepted but this time chose not to eat it all in one sitting. Instead, she nibbled on it before wrapping it up and putting it in a bag at the front of the saddle so she could reach it again while riding.

The group was efficient, unlike some groups she had camped with in her world. Here there was no fear that someone had overpacked with needless things, like a hairdryer and yes that had actually happened… twice. The women were quite put out when they realized there were not electrical outlets randomly scattered about nature. Ella let out a giggle at the memory imagining what kind of spiral somewhere like this would put those kind of divas in. Her giggling earned a raised eyebrow from Varric, but the others were too distracted to notice.

She let her eyes wander about the landscape, though nothing had really changed so far. She expected that eventually, they would leave this non-stop snow covered land. Not that she minded snow. It was just after weeks of nothing but snow and the occasional blizzard she was ready for a change. She’d always been preferable to green and water or the ocean. Some of her greatest memories were of her honeymoon where Luke and she spent ten days on the island of Kauai.

It wasn’t long before the steady rhythm of the horse allowed memories to fill her mind. This was bittersweet considering it distracted from her irritation at Solas and the soreness of her rear but, it also made her ache for the home she had known and brought back to the front the strange hollow feeling that seemed to grow the further she got from the Breach. She wished she could say for sure this feeling was just due to homesickness, but it felt like something more. Homesickness she’d experienced before, this was different.

“Kitten, hey Kitten.” Varric’s voice broke into her thoughts, and she shook her head to clear it. As she glanced around, she realized they must have already been riding for several hours. “You’re even more of a daydreamer than usual, today.”

“Varric’s right, Sissy. You’re missing important stuff here. We’re talking about Varric’s next book.”

Varric and Ivy were both riding to the right of Ella, and she looked at the two with a raised eyebrow, “Dare I ask?”

Varric started to open his mouth, but Ivy beat him to it, “I was telling him it should be about us. I mean seriously this is only going to get more exciting.”

“There are words that would be better suited to all this shit than exciting, Spiker.”

“Bah,” Ivy waved a hand at him, “where’s your sense of adventure dwarf?”

“If I ever had some misguided sense of adventure, it was satisfied with all the running around I did with Hawke. Not to mention all this riding now.”

Cassandra looked over her shoulder from where she was riding a bit ahead of them, “It has only been a day and a half, Varric.”

“You might be used to all this traipsing through the countryside --- punching dragons, interrogating people, or whatever it is you did before this. I’m from the city.”

Cassandra laughed quickly covering it with a cough before turning her attention forward again, Ivy, on the other hand, let out one of her full belly laughs.

Ella just shook her head before speaking, “So do you have a title for it?”

“The book? Not yet. I’ve got some ideas.”

“I vote the Herald of Kickass.” Ivy brought her fist up a giant grin on her face.

“Yeah, I’m gonna say no to that one.”

Ella thought for a moment, giving a little snort as an idea came to her, “How about, All The Weird Fucking Shit.”

Varric opened his mouth, closed it again for a moment, and then spoke, “That… actually might be workable.”

“What? Are you serious?” Ella’s eyebrows shot up.

“May I interrupt for a moment.” The sound of his voice to her left so suddenly almost made her fall off her horse. Solas usually spent his time on the outside of groups, keeping to himself. So, having him come up to them was… unusual, though naturally, he would decide to become social at a time when she wanted to avoid him.

“Sure, Chuckles.”

Solas looked around Ella to Varric, “By the end of Hard in Hightown almost every character is revealed as a spy or traitor.”

Ella’s eyes glanced to Varric whose eyebrows had gone higher than she thought possible, “Wait, you read my book.”

“I stumbled upon it. Everyone but Donnen turned out to be in disguise. Is that common?”

“Are we still talking about books or are you asking if everyone I know is a secret agent?”

Ivy laughed, “Aren’t they?”

“No, not everyone. More than some people probably,” Ivy gave Varric a pointed look and Varric sighed, “Ok, definitely more than most people.”

Solas continued, “Are there many tricksters in dwarven literature?”

“A handful, but they’re the exception.”

As Varric and Solas continued on Ella found her mind wondering once again. Surprisingly, Solas stayed with their little group chatting off and on with Varric and Ivy. Ella was occasionally pulled into the conversation but for the most part, she was left to her own thoughts for the days ride.

When they decided to make camp, the area they picked looked almost identical to the one they’d left that morning. One of the only notable differences being the level of pain Ella was experiencing in her muscles and bum. With luck, her body would adjust, but since she’d never ridden for this long, it was just a hope.

Seeking to turn her mind from her aching muscles she looked about the area. Solas had already wandered off to set up wards, or so she assumed, the thought of joining him was quickly dismissed as she was still sour with him. Instead, she went about helping with random duties about camp again including setting up one of the fire pits and helping with one of the large tents.

Once the camp was set up, she went in search of Ivy and found her at one of the fire pits that already had meat roasting. Ella went over to her and stood next to where she was sitting.

Ivy looked up patting the area next to her on the log, “Have a seat then.”

Ella shook her head, “I’ve done quite enough sitting today thanks.”

“Suit yourself,” Ivy chuckled and turned her eyes back to the roasting meat.

The soldier did his best to ignore Ella’s presence. This behavior was something she’d grown used to from some and knew it now as a sign of those who were uncomfortable being forced to have a free mage living with them. With no desire to stir the nest unless it was necessary Ella simply ignored it.

She let her eyes scan the area around them, “How much longer do we get to wake up to snow?”

“I’d say we might hit a bit of scenery change by the time we camp tomorrow. There’ll still be some, but the end will be in sight. Couldn’t come soon enough. Sick of this fluffy shit everywhere.” Ivy kicked the snow at her feet as though proving her point.

Ella shivered and held her fingers out to be licked by the flames' warmth. “What is our journey going to be like? Warmer I’m hoping.”

“Ha. Warmer than here that’s for sure.” Ivy took the skewer of meat offered to her tearing off half before passing the stick to Ella. The soldier gave a barely audible huff of displeasure but started another skewer not wanting to speak against the Herald.

Ivy continued around a mouthful of food, “We have a few more days on land here before we get to the Waking Sea. Once there we get on the ferry for couple more days, and that will take us to Val Royeaux. There we get to deal with all this Chantry nonsense, joy of joys.” She ripped off another hunk of meat.

Ella finished chewing the small bite of her own, swallowing before saying, “Ferry? That sounds fun.”

“Fun because you like boats or because it means your arse gets a rest?”

Ella choked out a laugh, “Both actually.”

They ate for a bit longer in silence before Varric and Solas came over taking a seat on the log set up across the fire. Before either could get a word out, she handed what was left of her meat to Ivy. “Here. You have the rest. I’m going to go to sleep.”

Without giving any of them time to say anything in response, she went off to the tent she’d been assigned to. It was childish really. She knew she couldn’t avoid Solas forever, but the pain from riding and agitation from her feelings being separated from the breach made her patience levels lower than normal.

She sighed as she buried herself in the furs trying to find the positive in the day. She’d get to go on a ferry so that would be interesting and potentially fun. Also, she had managed to eat all her jerky that day and a good portion of the skewer, so her food levels were decent at the moment. There were only a few soldiers already sleeping in her tent so the snoring was minimal now which would be best for getting to sleep.

Sleeping. That gave her something to focus on. She did not want to run into Solas, so she forced her mind to focus on the closest thing she had to a home here. The first thought that came up was Ivy. Though she knew from what Solas had taught her that she could go into Ivy’s dreams once Ivy fell asleep, that felt… intrusive. Instead, she shifted focus to a place, Haven.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Her dreaming that night was uneventful. Though in the beginning, she felt a presence watching her. It didn’t feel malicious, and it didn’t feel like Solas. As far as knowing it wasn't Solas, it did startle her a bit when she realized that she had a specific feel for him. The irritation at that was dismissed fairly quickly when she was able to convince herself that everything likely had a specific feel here, and she only knew his because he was her teacher. As far as the presence she felt currently, she suspected it was the spirit from before watching her. If so she imagined he/she would make themselves known when he/she was ready.

For most of her dreaming, she focused on testing out her willpower more. After some debate, she decided that the most amusing way to do this was to go down to the frozen lake and make some ice skates. It was surprisingly easy to make a pair. Now that she’d spent so much time here finding the threads of the Fade and the stitches that made it all connected seemed easy. So manipulating it to her will also came easy.

The only downside to making the skates was instead of practicing more she spent the rest of her dream goofing off on ice skates. She only stopped her goofing around at one point when she thought she felt Solas but dismissing it when she couldn’t spot him as her own paranoia.

The night was not completely wasted as far as lessons went. A while after she’d dismissed the thought that Solas was there she had decided to see if she could do tricks like she’d seen in the Olympics. The result was a sore ankle and badly bruised hip. Lesson learned, she may be able to use her will to force objects into existence, but she could not do anything here that she didn’t already know how to in the waking world.

After that mishap she made herself wake with the whispered hope that her injuries wouldn’t show up on her body in the waking world. Alas, Ivy’s leg sprawled across her knee quickly proved she was going to feel her stupidity today. She eased herself out of the tangle of limbs that was Ivy, careful not to wake her. That done she threw on her cloak and grabbed her staff. Instead of putting the staff on her back, as she’d usually do, she kept it next to her planning on using it to hide her sore ankle.

As she crawled her way around the sleeping forms and out of the tent, wondering why it was that she could feel things that happened to her in the Fade when she woke but not the other way around.

She emerged from the tent and gave a small sigh of relief when she saw the camp was still asleep except for the few soldiers on second watch. She decided to take advantage of this, using her staff she tried her best to hide her limp as she went off to practice some of her magic use. She didn’t wander too far, but she knew she needed to be far enough that she wouldn’t cause any issues with those who didn’t like magic.

Once she located a suitable spot she went to work. This time, she chose to focus on channeling her flow of magic through the staff and using that to aim and control her magic better. She opted to focus on snow and ice, starting a forest fire would likely not win her any extra brownie points with those wary of magic already.

Using magic had actually become somewhat relaxing to her, much to her surprise. It was almost meditative, and she lost track of time. It seemed only minutes before Ivy’s voice calling her name brought her back.

She startled when she realized she could hear the hustle of camp being packed and must have already been out for at least an hour. She pulled the hood of her cloak back up heading back to camp as quickly as she could.

Ivy met her as she entered the camp with a grin, “Becoming an adventurer are we?”

Ella snorted and mumbled under her breath, “You don’t know the half of it.” before she spoke up louder, “I just woke up before everyone else and wanted to take the extra time to warm up a bit.”

“Ah, magic stuff. Well, come on. We’re headed out. Here.” Ivy handed Ella another strip of jerky which Ella took a bite of as they walked.

She was apparently doing a fair job of using the staff to hide her injury because if Ivy had noticed she would have definitely remarked on it. Just as Ella started to feel proud of her skills, she got to her horse and realized it was her right ankle, the one she used to mount. There was no way out of showing it now. Either she caused herself pain, and possibly more swelling, by trying to mount on the right side or she would mount on the left side, an oddity which Ivy would surely pick up on. Sure enough, when she mounted on the left side, Ivy noticed.

Ivy rode her horse next to Ella before asking, “Why are you---”

“I was careless and twisted my ankle earlier.” It was a lie of omission, the only ones she could pull off and she just had to hoped Ivy wouldn’t push for more.

Ivy gave an uncharacteristic look of motherly disapproval, “You should---”

“I know. I’ll be more careful in the future.” She let her eyes wander in an attempt to spot something to change the subject to and instead met Solas’ gaze. His brows were furrowed and the corner of his lips downturned, both were so slight that most would probably not have noticed, but she did. Sensing a potential questioning from him she nudged her horse forward, wincing a touch at the movement of her ankle.

Ella rode up to where Varric was joking with one of the soldiers. She waited next to him, and Ivy rode up to her other side. As Cassandra gave the signal for the group to start that day’s trip Varric turned his attention from the soldier to the two women next to him.

“Morning. You two stay out of trouble last night?”

Ivy opened her mouth, but Ella intercepted, “Always. You should tell us a story today for the ride, Varric.”

Varric chuckled, “Well now I can’t go just handing out stories all the time. I am a writer you know. Bad for business.”

Ivy spoke, “I’m paying you by saving your dwarven ass from demons.”

Varric brought up a hand to rub his chin in exaggerated thought, “Valid point. Still…”

Ella smiled, “What about a story for a story? I won’t pretend to be as good a storyteller as you, but I bet I have some you’ve never heard.”

Now she had both Ivy and Varric’s attention. In addition to Solas’ if her feeling was correct and he was indeed the rider directly behind her. She had to force herself not to glance back to see. It was vaguely irritating to be forced to, once again, acknowledge that she could sense his presence.

Varric spoke next to her, “Tales from your past huh? Now that would be interesting. You have yourself a deal, Kitten.”

Ella shifted on her saddle, “Now wait; I didn’t say what kind of stories I’d tell.”

Ivy laughed, “Forever determined to be mysterious. Alright, fine but we can guess if it is a true story or not.”

“That’s fine, but I don’t have to tell you if you’re right or not.”

Ivy huffed, “Stubborn. Fine fine, it’s a deal.”

Varric cleared his throat, “Now wait a minute, Spiker. When did you become my new agent?”

Ivy leaned forward to better eye Varric. “The first time I saved your ass from one of those demon shitting holes. In fact, since I’m the Herald that kind of makes me everyone’s agent now.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works, Spiker.”

Ella laughed while Ivy stuck her tongue out at him before straightening on her horse again. Varric meanwhile gave a shrug before starting in on one of his stories. This one was almost as raunchy as it was amusing about a time with Hawke when Isabella had gotten more drunk than usual and tried, very unsuccessfully, to seduce Fenris.

The story lasted up until their first rest stop and by that time Ella’s sides hurt from laughing. She also had to pee bad, unfortunate given the state of her ankle. Taking a deep gulp of air she prepared to dismount but was stopped by a hand brushing against her right calf.

“Hold a moment.” She looked down and was surprised to see Solas. His long fingers wrapping gently around her leg near the top of her boot.

She was about to ask what he was doing when a warm tingling made its way from where his fingers were and wrapped around her ankle. She couldn’t help the contented sigh that came from her lips as the swollen ankle was healed. Soon she felt the tingling through the rest of her limbs and before she realized what he was doing all the aches she had felt were gone.

Solas removed his hand, “I apologize for my behavior the other night. I was…” He looked away from her seemingly searching for words. It was odd for him to do and made her fidget.

She dismounted which brought her close enough that she was almost against his chest, and she could feel the warmth coming from his body. She sidestepped quickly putting space between them and patting her horse’s long graceful neck in an attempt to gather herself again.

“Thank you and thank you for healing me. Could you show me how to do that sometime? I’d like to learn healing spells. Maybe I could be of some help then.”

“Yes.” He watched her in silence for a moment, and she started to open her mouth before he spoke again, “Tonight. I would like to discuss your injuries from last night as well.”

She turned to face him again cheeks turning red, “Wait you…” Her eyes shifted back and forth before focusing on him again, narrowing in irritation, “You saw.”

“Yes. I---”

Her voice was a low growl, “Was spying.”

“No. I came to apologize, but you were occupied. I was waiting.”

“Druffalo shit you were.” Solas seemed taken aback by her anger. For her part, she was too distracted to reflect on the fact that she’d been here long enough to start using some of their terms, “I felt you but couldn’t see you anywhere. You were hiding.”

“You felt me?”

“Don’t change the--- ugh” She threw up her hands realizing they were starting to get some looks, “Just nevermind for now. This is not the time or place.” With that, she stormed off into the trees to take care of her full bladder.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

Once they started going again, she was still fuming. Much to her shame when Varric spoke to her saying it was her turn she snapped at him, having completely forgotten the deal from only a few hours before. She blushed and apologized, luckily he didn’t take it personally. She suspected he had seen the incident with Solas earlier and knew that her bite was aimed at the other member of their party.

Ella racked her brain trying to pick a good story to tell. She debated going with a long one, perhaps from a favorite book back in her world. There were plenty of fantasy books that she could pull from since obviously anything set in her world was out of the question. She wasn’t confident enough that she could pull off something like that.

Instead, she settled on a fairy tale, the original Little Mermaid. It wasn’t the Disney version but the darker version that involved the mermaid having her tongue cut out, feeling like she was dancing on knives, and finally turning to seafoam before turning to a spirit of the air.

When she finished the tale, there were a few moments of silence before both Varric and Ivy spoke at the same time.

“Well, shit.”

“Fairy tale!”

Ella laughed, “Yes that one is a fairy tale and, Varric, there is a happier version where the Little Mermaid only suffers having her voice stolen into a shell for her legs. In that one, the prince falls for her. They marry at the end.”

“Why didn’t you tell us that one then, Kitten?”

Ella shrugged, “The other is more interesting.”

Ivy spoke, “I agree with her, the second version sounds boring.”

“Hmmm…” Varric shrugged, “Well, I admit the version you told us does make the character suffer.”

“Which is what you do with characters you love, right Mr. Writer.” Ella glanced at him giving a lopsided grin.

They continued to banter back and forth over the merits of making a character suffer as well as the downsides until conversation shifted to other topics, mainly around Kirkwall and the Free Marches. Since Ella could offer little input on the discussion at this point, she alternated between listening and letting her mind wander some more.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the day went on they finally started to see ground that had been hidden by piles of snow. It hadn’t occurred to Ella how startling it would be to see bits of dirt and grass after so much white. Ivy had been right. The snow was thinning out, even bare in some places, and the trees were thickening promising more of a forest ahead than the sparse tree arrangements they’d been riding through. Ella found herself becoming excited at the prospect of a change in scenery.

The excitement was soon doused however when she felt a strange sensation. It started slow and soft where she could almost ignore it but then grew. It wasn’t unpleasant; it was almost like a song being played under her skin and in her veins, something calling to her. With it the discomfort she’d been feeling since she left the Breach was gone and, despite the positive feelings it was giving her, her stomach dropped.

It was one of those things. What did they call them? Rifts? She had to warn them. She started to open her mouth but paused. How would she explain it? She could see it now; Yeah hey, so I can sense rifts now there is one probably about half a mile or so up the road. How can I sense them you ask? Dunno just can. As if she didn’t have enough eyes on her already and after that, there would be no way she could keep the whole being awake in the Fade thing a secret like Solas had told her was wise.

Solas.

He might be able to help, but she would need to get them to stop so she could pull them aside. They wouldn’t be happy about it since it was so close to the time they’d be setting up camp, but she had to do something.

“I’m gonna be sick.”

Ivy looked at her with a raised eyebrow, “What do you--”

“I need to stop. Sorry, I’m going to---” She tried her best attempt at acting like she was holding back throwing up.

“Halt.” Ivy’s voice was commanding and rang through the group forcing all riders to a halt. As Ella got off her horse, Ivy held the reins, and she spotted Cassandra riding towards them her face a storm cloud.

“What is happening?” Cassandra’s voice held an edge of annoyance, and she eyed Ella as Ella’s feet hit the ground.

The woman was already not fond of her, and now she’d have another reason, wonderful. It was for her own good though she would never know it.

Ella didn’t bother to wait for Ivy’s response, instead hurrying towards the trees only pausing long enough to give a slight shout over her shoulder, “Solas I need your help, please.”

Once she felt she was a fair distance from the group she knelt on the ground behind some bushes. It was only a few minutes before she sensed Solas near and then he was looking down at her one eyebrow raised when he noticed she wasn’t actually sick.

“This hardly seems the appropriate time to continue our---”

“No, it’s not that.” She reached up grabbing his hand and pulling him down to her, “There is one of the things up the path.”

“Things?” his eyebrow was still raised accentuating the little scar on his forehead, but now his mouth had quirked up on one side.

“A rift.”

The change was immediate his face becoming the most open she had seen it in some time. He covered it quickly, his usual serious mask falling into place, “How far?”

“I… uhm...” She found herself momentarily caught off guard. She’d expected an onslaught of questions, not immediate acceptance. She cleared her throat and started over, “It is probably about half a mile.”

He turned to look over his shoulder in the direction they had been heading and the slight pull on her hand made her realize she still clutched his. With a blush she released him moving her hand quickly to her side.

When she did so, Solas turned back to her his eyes piercing, “Why me?”

“I trust you.”

The words were out before she’d realized what she said and for the second time, she saw Solas’ mask drop from surprise. There were a series of emotions that flitted across his features so quickly she was unable to pinpoint any of them before his mask slid solidly back into place and he nodded.

“Come.” Solas held a hand out to help her up. She took it but released it as soon as she was on her feet, still embarrassed for the way she had clutched at him only moments ago.

Solas started back towards the group without another word. Though she wished he would tell her the plan, what she had blurted out to him was true. Somehow, for whatever reason, she had come to trust him. How this had happened, she had no idea, and this was not a time when she could analyze it.

When they came close to the horses again, Solas stopped on the outskirts earning a death glare from Cassandra. Before she could say anything he spoke, “Seeker. Herald. A word.” With that, he started to walk a bit away from the group again.

The two women glanced at each other before dismounting and heading towards him. Once more Ella found herself surprised. She’d expected a bit of questioning, at least from Cassandra. What was it about that man where he could make people do that? Humble apostate her ass. No wood hermit learned to talk with that kind of command in their voice, especially a command that others didn’t even seem to notice they obeyed.

As they got closer, she realized she’d been standing there staring like an idiot and turned to go where Solas was. He stood hands behind his back waiting for the others. Ella fidgeted and debated if she could get away with asking what his plan was but dismissed the idea, instead trying to force herself to still.

When they got close enough, Solas did not wait for either to speak first, “I have reason to believe there is a rift ahead.”

Cassandra crossed her arms over her chest, “We had scouts sent ahead of us. There were no reports---”

Solas remained in his position, “It is possible the rift appeared after the scouts passed. They are at least a day ahead of us are they not, Seeker?”

Ivy, more willing to believe, spoke next her voice uncharacteristically serious, “What makes you think this, Solas?”

“Suffice it to say there would be nothing for me to make such a claim without solid reasons.”

Ivy took a moment to ponder this before turning to Cassandra, “There would be no harm in being prepared.”

Cassandra rubbed the back of her neck, “We could cause a panic amongst the soldiers that is unneeded.”

Ivy turned to Cassandra, “Better that than have them be surprised by a rift in the middle of their path.”

“As you wish, Herald.” Cassandra gave a nod and turned back to the group, “I’ll inform them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> I'm already mostly finished with the next chapter so look forward to updating for y'all next Friday :D


	21. First Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and the odd posting day. I figured I'd go ahead and put this out there since you all already waited so long. It was actually part of a bigger chapter with Solas POV but I decided it worked better as a stand alone. Solas POV is still being edited but is mostly done so that'll be put up Friday. Thanks for sticking with me and enjoy :D

So it was that Ella found herself walking towards her first battle, her mind wanting to turn and run while her body felt a strange pull towards the rift.  It was disconcerting to say the least, more so since she couldn’t confess the strange experience to anyone.  Solas might have answers but what if it meant something was wrong with her.  She did trust him but if she was a danger she would not put him in the position of having to deal with it.  With luck she’d be able to get home and none of it would matter anymore.

It only took them a few minutes to reach the area with the rift.  Cassandra had decided to leave the horses behind in order to avoid any extra noise.  This bought them enough time that Ella was able to get a good glimpse of the demons before the demons glimpsed her and the others.  She felt her stomach roll and a sour taste in her mouth at the sight.  They were huge.

Well, at least three of them were huge.  The ones she could see clearest were large and green with long limbs that ended in hands that looked all claws.  It was like stick figures gone wrong.  There were fleeting glimpses of other shapes, most appeared to be at least as tall as Cassandra.

Ella’s hands shook.  She gripped her staff tightly the rough wood beneath her fingertips helping to ground her.  At one point a splinter dug itself into one of her fingers but she couldn’t be bothered by that now.  Cassandra and Ivy had stopped the group and were conversing in hushed tones a little ahead.

As Ella waited she felt a hand brush against her back and jumped back the now familiar current of her magic flowing through her veins.  When she saw it was only Solas she forced it back down, slowing her breathing.

“You should stay back.  Watch.  Learn.  We have dealt with these before.”  His tone was all calm and held zero uncertainty.  Ella’s eyes glanced back to Ivy.  Solas caught the glance and spoke again, “She will be fine.  I have fought alongside the Herald enough to have confidence in this.”

Her eyes turned back to meet his steel blue ones and she spoke in a hushed tone, “Aren’t you curious?”

“Curious?”

“About…” she paused but there was no stopping now and her own curiosity on the lack of his questions was too intense, “about me knowing the… you know.”  She gestured in the direction of the rift.

Solas looked at her with that intense stare that seemed to look right to her core.  Just as he was about to open his mouth Ivy spoke.  “Plan of attack.  Warriors draw attention to yourselves.  Archers and Solas you stay on the outside for support.  I’ll go into the center to close the rift.  I’ll need to weaken it several times before it closes completely.  I’ll help as I can in between that.  We move now.”

The soldiers saluted while Solas and Varric gave a nod.  Ivy’s eyes glanced to Ella and then to Solas who gave her another nod.  An unspoken agreement that Ella would stay out of the way for this one, that she’d be safe.  Ella realized that even if she should stay here the rest of her life she would never be able to repay Ivy for all she did.  Nor would she ever completely understand why Ivy cared so much.  In truth her heart ached at the thought of leaving without a word but what choice was there?

Her thoughts were brought back with a jolt when one of the green demons spotted the group that had started in and let out a horrible sound unlike anything she’d ever heard before.  It seemed to knock down the soldiers who had come close to the demon and Ella felt her heart pounding in her chest as a cold sweat broke on her forehead.

After that the full fight began.  She tried to follow all the motions of the battle but it all seemed to blur together.  The one good thing was it seemed fairly clear that her group kept the upper hand throughout.  Though it seemed as soon as one demon went down another was thrown out of the rift to join the fray.  

For the most part she finally settled on watching Solas.  She tried to watch and learn as he’d told her to, tried to put his movements to memory and feel the magic coming from him.  The second was not hard.  He was powerful.  Even her with her limited amount of knowledge in magic could feel it but she wondered if the others could.  His movements on the other hand were too distracting to be memorized.  It was like a dance that gave her acute reminders of the lean muscles now covered by his clothing.  Images she shouldn’t be having in her mind to begin with.

Though just as she thought she was maybe starting to see a pattern to his movement she felt a pull from the rift and then a whisper of a word.  She was quite sure it came from the rift but it sounded in her own mind.  At first she couldn’t make it out but then again clearer it came to her.

_ I’m here Emma.  I love you. _

Her name, her real name that she hadn’t heard in so long and in Luke’s voice no less.  It must be a trick from a demon yet… why did it sound so real.  She took a step forward and could have sworn she caught snippets of other noises.  Another few steps forward and she swore the sounds got clearer.  If she could just get a bit closer…

“Ella!”

It was too late that she realized she’d made her way close enough to the rift to be in the fray.  A blast of ice was hurtling towards her from a demon that looked like the one she’d encountered in her first dream here.  She reacted but too slowly and the ice scraped across her forearm spreading a chill through that side of her body.  The sounds forgotten she gave a yelp of pain and pulled on her magic.

Just as she did so one of the large green ones came out from the ground behind her.  Before she could even turn all the way claws dug into her back and she heard herself let out a scream of pain before turning all the way.  The demon was throwing it’s head back and she knew it would soon release one of those ear shattering sounds.  

She had no time to think.  No time to hesitate.  She would  _ not  _ die here.  Not now.  She focused in on the demon putting every thought and desire into killing it.  The energy that flowed through her felt as though it might pull her apart.  Then suddenly a flaming meteor came raining down on the demon killing it.  

She heard shouting but couldn’t decipher any of it.  Her brain was fogged from pain and from the energy she had just thrown out.  It was as though she had drained her own essence by doing whatever it was she had just done.  Though she tried to grip the staff she found her fingers loosening as she leaned against it.  She tried to take a step forward but instead her knees gave out and she fell onto them dropping her staff.

As her vision started to go hazy she tried to look up and could barely make out more fire falling.  Then she swayed and let the darkness take her into blissful nothingness.


	22. Solas - A Troubled Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting a day early because you guys have already waited a long time and I keep overworking it :P
> 
> Enjoy.

It had happened quickly.  One moment Solas was focused on fighting off the demons, and the next his focus had been abruptly interrupted when he heard the Herald calling the girl’s name in a panic.  He’d turned just in time to see her hit with a blast ice.  

Solas’ first impulse had been one of rage.  He’d wanted to decimate anything that would lay a hand on her.  His magic burst forward and released on the demon that had harmed the girl.  Killing the demon in an instant.  It was then he realized his mistake.  If any had the ability to sense magic strength… if there had been even one templar or mage,  even the speed at which the demon died would be an indicator to anyone.

As it was everyone’s attention was on the girl, but he still cursed himself for his foolishness.  It took all his willpower not to act so again when he saw the second demon appear.  He watched as the demon started its attack telling himself even if it did hit he could heal her.  He forced his breathing to come in deep and even.  Forced the storm inside him to calm.

This was why, when her magic first touched him, he mistook it for his own.  The strength of it was more than he’d ever expected.  Much more than a human should have been capable of, even a fade trained mage should not have that kind of pull.  Yet, she did.  As fire fell around him, he found himself frozen in shock by it.

That was until he saw her fall.  It only took him a second to fade step, and he was next to her, kneeling quickly to pull her into his lap before she could fall all the way to the ground.  He saw the Herald running towards them and held up his hand.  The girl’s magic may have dispatched the demons but more would come if the rift was not sealed.

“Herald! You must seal the rift.”

The Herald slid to a stop looking for but a second before turning and going back to the rift.  Solas turned his attention back to the girl.  He felt her blood seeping through his clothing, hot and sticky.  He felt the contrast to the hot blood from the cold of her side.  It made him ache somewhere deep in his chest.  First, he would warm the chilled side of her.  With ease, he cast a quick warming spell over her side ridding her of any lingering effects of the chill she’d took.

With that, he picked her up as careful with her back as he could be as he cradled her in his arms.  The soldiers all gave them a wide stance eyeing them with wary distrust.  That show of power would do her no favors here.  Right now he found himself glad of this.  It was not that he wanted her life to be harder but, he did not want anyone touching her.  Not in this state.  He was the most capable of healing her and did not need anyone getting in the way of this.  It was an odd possessiveness that he dared not examine too closely.  

As he carried her back to where their gear and the horses were he focused.  Focused on the air going in and out of his lungs, the soft crunching the path made beneath his feet, and the whisper of the breeze against the tips of his ears.  The feel of her weight in his arms and breathing that seemed to match his own.  He focused so that he could force down his rage.

Solas was angry.  Angry at the girl for foolishly walking into the battle.  Angry at the Herald for having her come.  Angry at the demons for freezing and slicing her soft flesh.  Mostly angry at himself for another failure, for the fact that none of this would have happened had he not been a fool once again.

With his mind distracted so, it wasn’t until he was all the way to the horses that he realized the error in coming alone.  He needed both hands to carry her, but he would want furs to lay her on while he worked.  Also, he’d need to remove her clothing.

His eyes wandered to the soft form resting against him.  They examined her stopping to watch the steady rise and fall of her chest.  The image of her in swimwear came to his mind unbidden.   He had not expected the effect it had on him then any more than he’d expected it to come back to him now so vividly.

His mind’s eye trailed slowly over the image.  Over her freckled sun-kissed shoulders, small breasts that he seemed just right for his hands, dipping down to a tucked waist that then flowed back out to beautifully curved hips, and finally long finely toned legs.  He felt his body warm and shut his eyes firmly.  Now was not the time.  If he needed he could perhaps let out his pent up urges later but now… now he needed to focus.  

Fenedhis, why was it so damned difficult with her?

“Solas!” he heard the Herald’s footsteps running towards him but didn’t turn knowing she’d be upon them soon.  Sure enough not a minute passed and the Herald was panting in front of him eyeing the girl panicked, “Is she…”

“She will be fine.  May I ask for your aide, Herald?”  

If his voice gave any of his emotions away, the Herald did not show it.  Instead, she just nodded, and he told her what he would need.  As she went off to gather the furs he carried the girl into the trees a little off.  He didn’t want anyone else seeing her exposed, bad enough that he needed to when his thoughts were so… he shook his head.

The Herald was fast, though he should have expected as much given her strange attachment to the girl.  She put some furs down, and Solas bent easing the girl down.  He kept hold of her, so she was in a sitting position.  Without looking up, he spoke with the Herald.

“I will need her top removed.”

The Herald didn’t argue.  Instead, she bent next to him, and he looked away moving his hands out of the way as the Herald worked the girl’s top clothing off, ignoring the feel of smooth skin under his fingers.  

“We need to put her on her stomach.”

Once they had done that, Solas took a full look at her once more.  The gashes were deep but didn’t appear to have done any damage to her spine.  He would be able to stop the bleeding and heal them, but there would be scars.  There would have to be.  Anything else would leave him open to potential questions about his strength, questions he could not afford if he wished to continue to stay mostly unnoticed by the Spymaster.

He was able to work in silence for several minutes before the Herald spoke, “Are they bad?”

“No.”  He continued working not looking up.

“Why is she not waking then?”

This time, he had to focus to not pause or show any signs of his worry.  He chose his words carefully.  “She is drained.”

“The magic?”

“Yes.”

Silence again.  This time, it was long enough for Solas to finish and to start the bandaging process.  The Herald knelt to help him wrap the cloth around the girl’s body speaking again, “What she did… the soldiers are… I’ve never seen anything like it was it---”

“Firestorm.  It is not an unheard of spell.  Though it is far above her skill which is why she is sleeping now.”

“Then how---”

“She thought she would die.  Have you not pulled on strength you did not know you possessed when faced with such a moment?  Strength you otherwise would not have touched?”

The Herald helped him get the girl dressed again, quiet until the girl was fully clothed once more.  “I’ll talk to the men.  Try to keep it as quiet as I can.”

Solas picked her up gingerly and stood cradling her once more, “That would be wise.  It will not occur again.  There is no need to draw attention to her.”

The Herald gave a nod and Solas followed her back to the group.  Once there he lifted her onto his saddle holding her steady until he mounted behind her and adjusted her body, so it was resting securely in his arms.  The Herald watched this opening her mouth before closing it again and going to mount her horse.  As soon as she had mounted the signal was given to begin once more.

The day went on with the group moving at a steady place.  The girl remained unnaturally still in his arms for most of the ride.  She only moved twice throughout the day.  Both times had an air of desperation, her hands searching till they found him and held onto him as though in dire need of grounding herself.  Each time she pressed herself into him without a sound.  Each time he felt his pulse quicken and fingers twitch with the desire to touch her, to pull her in closer.  These could not have lasted for long but felt like they lasted for ages.

The second time she did this he found himself aching.  He wanted to take her somewhere safe.  Somewhere they would be alone.  Where he could figure out what had happened.  Where he could help her without the worry of drawing attention.  Where he could hold her to him and make her forget the world.  Where he could come to truly know her and the spark that shone so clear in her.  Where he could drown in her, loose himself in this woman who was so different yet so similar to himself.  

The moment he realized where his thoughts had gone he straightened in the saddle and her grip loosened as she once more turned motionless against him.  There was no such place.  He had no business even thinking of such things nor did he have the luxury to be so weak.  To avoid anymore thoughts he focused on the what.

What was she?  Human but more.  No human should be so connected to the Fade.  She did not feel as spirits felt.  He supposed it wasn’t impossible that she could have picked a spirit up.  That it was somehow sharing her body.  That would explain her sensing the rift and her magical abilities.  He wouldn’t know if the spirit was quiet.  After all, he had not known her before she had come from the Breach.  He would not be able to sense any minuscule changes.

The chances that a spirit was within her were slim.  The chances he wouldn’t pick up on it were even slimmer.  Yet, he could think of no other explanations.  One thing was for certain, he would have questions for her and intended to ask them when he found her in the Fade that night.

However, when night arrived, and he went to sleep he could find no trace of her.  No matter how he reached out there was… nothing.  This above all caused a panic to stir in his gut.  Even if she was too weakened to dream lucidly for some reason, he should be able to find her.  Instead in his searching, all he found was the spirit who had startled her at the waterfall.

The spirit was one of curiosity, and it took little to garner the spirits attention.  The spirit was male and young as far as spirits went, only a few hundred years old.  Solas offered the spirit tidbits of information to satisfy him before he asked his questions.

“The girl--”

“Girl?” The spirit seemed puzzled.

Solas tilted his head a touch looking at the spirit intently, “Yes.  The one at the waterfall when last I saw.”  When there still seemed to be no recognition he elaborated.  “She had long waves of copper hair, freckles, pale skin, and piercing blue eyes.  Like the sky.”

“Yes but that was not a girl.”  The spirit said it as though Solas had been trying to play a trick on him or confuse him.

Solas, for his part, started taking a step back before stilling again, “Not a girl?”

The spirit seemed to think for a moment then shrugged.  “She is a woman but is not.  She is more.”

Well, he had known that but if the spirit was saying such a thing… he would examine this further later, for now, he needed to find her.  “Do you know where she is?”

“Nowhere.  She has left.”  

Solas felt himself jerk once more in shock, his muscles tightening as he swallowed attempting to sort through his mind, to find the words he needed to say.  The things he needed to ask, for she could not truly be gone.

The spirit watched for a moment head tilting to the side as his form leaned closer to Solas for a better look, “You care for her.  Do not fear.  She will be back.”

“How…”  His voice came out a crack, and he just hoped that the spirit was the only one here to see this, to hear his reaction, “How do you know?”

“I… hmmmm…. It is not easy to explain.  I just know.  She is there but also here but more there right now.  She is meant to be here though I think.  I do not know.  I want to know.  She is most curious.  A curious being with many curiosities about herself.  I should like to know her.  She is like me but not like me.”  The spirit’s eyes went to exam Solas, “You feel connected too.  If you look in you will see, she will be back.”

“Do you know where there is?”   _It could not be… no that was not possible, not with the-_ \--

“She is not with them no.  Where she is, it is… somewhere we can not touch.  It is separate.  Her coming here was…”  The spirit’s brows furrowed, “I do not know, but I want to.  I want to know how.  I want to know of the there.  If we can become friends, I am sure I can find out.  You have made many friends here through your visits, do you think her and I can become friends too?”

Solas realized the spirit had given all he knew, so he let it go.  He would have to trust that she would be back, for now.  So he smiled warmly, “I imagine she would be quite happy to meet you.  Now, shall we talk some more, perhaps we can learn from each other of other things?”  At the very least it would provide a pleasant distraction from his concerns.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was three more days that they spent on horseback.  Three more days and nights of the same with the girl.  He kept close watch on her, and the Herald kept close watch on them both.  The soldiers and Cassandra were content to keep their distance.  Varric being the only one other than the Herald to not show any hesitation around the girl.  Occasionally the child of the stone got Solas into a conversation, but it rarely lasted long given Solas’ current distractions.  In between such conversations he would occasionally catch knowing glances from Varric, glances that he did not care for in the least.

When they finally reached the docks and boarded the boat, he had a sense that the Herald was becoming anxious at the fact that there seemed to be no improvement from the girl.  He could not blame her.  Though Solas did well at hiding it, he had become more uneasy as the days passed.  If she did not wake by the time they reached land, he doubted he could keep the Herald from seeking other help in her desperation.  What she would not understand is that might do more harm than good.

As the ferry they boarded started the journey to Val Royeaux Solas stayed with the girl below deck, watching her sleeping form closely.  His magic was powerful.  If he used it, he could possibly pull her back but… that would put him at risk.  Not just him but everything.  His people.  If it was just himself, he might, but it was not.  There was no use even thinking such things.

Solas moved from the crate he had been perched on top of to sit on his knees so he could be closer to her.  He allowed a finger to come out and brush a curl of hair from her brow.  Then he said it.  One word that he had not said before.  One word that was an acknowledgment of something he had not been ready to look at, something that still felt heavy in his gut.  

“Ella.”

A rustle as her long fingers twitched against the blankets beneath her.  She furrowed her brow and moved her head towards the sound.  He shifted leaning down closer, so close he could make out the individual freckles sprayed across her nose.

“Ella.”

Her eyes opened, hazy at first then clearing to that pure sky blue as they focused on his.  His heart pounded hard in his chest.  As he looked into her eyes that seemed to dig into his very essence, he could no longer deny it.

She was real.  

She was real, and that changed… everything.


	23. The Cat Wakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early release chapter :D. So you all won't get a chapter Friday but there might be one early next week too before the one released next Friday, we'll see how it goes ;). Basically I'm flying back home for a couple weeks and my flight leaves Friday so I wasn't going to be able to easily post with all the stuff going on that day.

_Ella_

A stranger’s voice but at the same time familiar, same as the smell of books and ancient woods that now filled her senses.  The voice that called to her, and the scent that accompanied it, made something stir deep inside her, but why Ella?  She tossed the name around in her head brows furrowing.  Then she remembered, Ella was her name now.

“Ella.”

The voice was clearer and she worked through the haze, eyes opening to meet steel grey ones mere inches from her own.  She licked her lips, a subconscious gesture that drew his eyes to her lips before he set bolt upright as though bit.  The dryness in her mouth prevented her from puzzling over the meaning of that, instead instantly latching onto the need for liquid.

“Water, please.” Her voice cracked and came out barely above a whisper.

He moved quickly reaching for a water skin as he spoke, “Of course.  Pardon my lack of consideration.”  

He was so formal.  Why did he always do that?  

She started to sit up but felt blood rushing to her head and swayed.  The feel of a strong arm across her back and long fingers at the curve of her waist steadied her.  She leaned into his solid form and felt him stiffen.  She knew he didn’t have any kind of attraction to her but was she really that bad?  Maybe she smelled.

Solas’ other hand brought the water in front of her, “Drink.”

She took it with both hands and brought it to her lips.  The water was cold and crisp, a spell no doubt.  It was the most glorious thing.  She started to take greedy gulps but after only a few there was a hand on top of her own gently forcing the water skin down.

“Not so much.  You will make yourself ill.”

His hand lingered on top of her own.  She’d never really had any reason to look at his hands but now she let herself, taking in the long slender fingers and sprinkling of freckles not so different from her own if a bit less abundant.  She’d always thought her hands too long for a girl, but compared to his they looked decidedly feminine, petite even.

“May I take the water for you?”

She realized she’d been staring for sometime and quickly released the water to his grip moving her hands from his.  As he took the water he also removed the arm that had been steadying her, staying close until he was sure she was stable before he stood and moved to sit on a nearby crate.

A crate?

For the first time her senses truly took in the space around her.  They were in some kind of large windowless room, though a shaft of light came in from above a bit further down from them. Everything here was wood and there were crates of varying sizes stacked all around as well as the occasional barrel.  

Her brows furrowed and she gripped the rough blankets she set on as she tried to center herself and not panic.  She shut her eyes for a moment taking a deep inhale through her nose.  There was a hint of salt in the air, along with a moldy dampness.  Now with her eyes closed she felt a gentle swaying motion as though in a hammock of sorts.

Her eyes fluttered open turning to Solas, “A boat?  We’re on a boat?”

His eyes remained on her unreadable but his stance was relaxed now, patient.  “Yes.”

“But… how?”  She swallowed feeling her heartbeat speed, “We were on the trail and…” Why the hell was everything so foggy?  “We left the horses to go to the rift.  How did we get on a boat?”

“You remember nothing past that point?”

“I…”  Her voice faltered going to a whisper as her eyes looked down, “no.”

Solas took a breath and she heard him shift as though he would come over to her but then heard another shift as he settled back onto the crate, “You walked into the fight.  You were attacked, a cold spell and claws to your back.”  As she jerked and reached towards her back trying to feel through her clothes he came over to her, taking her hand carefully in his own to still her panic, “I healed you.  There will be scars but that is all.  You cast a spell.  A powerful spell, far above what you should have been capable of.  It drained you.  You slept for three days.”

“But I… this---” Ella felt him start to caress the inside of her hand in small circles and her eyes went down to watch, trying to focus her thoughts.  She took a shaky breath, “How?”

His thumb now paused in its caresses but he did not release her hand, “I do not know.”

At the admission her eyes snapped up to his face, his own eyes kept trained on their hands.  Solas knew everything about magic, if he was admitting he didn’t know then… what if she hadn’t woken?  What if--- Suddenly the memory of what woke her came to the forefront.

“You said my name.  You’ve never said my name before.”

Now his eyes came up to hers and he held her in his gaze.  When he spoke the tone was hushed almost hesitant, “Ella I---”

There was a loud thump and Solas dropped her hand, standing with swift grace while taking a step away from her, “Ah, I was wondering when the Herald would emerge.”

His voice betrayed nothing of the hesitation it had held only moments ago.  What had just happened?  She’d have thought she’d imagined the whole thing if the memory of his hand holding hers hadn’t left behind the ghost of a sensation.

Before she had a chance to fully recover and turn her head to look in the direction of the thump there was a body barreling into her own.  Though she was pulled in too tightly to see the figure she smiled before saying, “Ivy can’t breathe.”

Ivy pulled away but kept her hands on Ella’s shoulders examining her, “You scared the fucking shit out of me you little shit.” She punched Ella in the shoulder hard enough to elicit an owww before she released her completely, “Don’t you ever do something like that again.”

“I will take my leave.”  Solas turned and left them heading up to the main deck.

Ivy watched him go before turning back to Ella again and shaking her head, “Seriously, what were you thinking?  You just walked right through the fight in a daze.  If I hadn’t yelled at you---”

“I’m sorry Ivy.  I don’t remember what happened.”

Ivy eyed her, “For real this time.”

Ella snorted, “Yes, for real this time.”

“Huh.”  Ivy stood and held a hand out, “I guess that’s all I’m gonna get for now then?”

Ella reached forward taking Ivy’s hand to allow the other woman to help her up.  Once she was standing and felt steady as one could feel on a ship she spoke, “For now.”

“You going to tell me or Solas first?” She gave Ella a shoulder nudge but there was tiniest hint of jealousy in her tone.

“Why ask that?”

“Well, I had thought all those rumors about you two were bullshit but after coming down here and---”

“That wasn’t wha--”

“With the way he cared for you when all this happened---”

“He healed me.  We don’t have another healer with us.”

Ivy grinned putting an arm around Ella’s shoulder and starting to lead her to the stairs that led to the upper deck, “Sissy, he wouldn’t let anyone touch you.  Wouldn’t let you out of his sight.  Honestly, I was worried when you didn’t wake but I think he was beside himself.  Though… it is hard to tell with that one but it is the closest to any emotions I’ve seen him.”

Ella opened her mouth and shut it again her brain going at a thousand miles per hour.  There was nothing there.  Whatever had happened just then… well… Solas didn’t have those kind of feelings for and she didn’t have them for him.  Yeah he was attractive, intelligent, and powerful with hidden depths she was pretty sure she hadn’t even began to discover but that didn’t mean she had feelings.  You could acknowledge someone was attractive and not have actual romantic feelings towards them.  It was nothing.

“He’s just a friend.”  She nodded and spoke in a firmer tone her eyes taking in the deck as they walked out, “We’re just friends.”

Ivy released Ella’s shoulders a mischievous grin appearing on her face, “Yeah.  Sure.  Who are you searching for then?”

“I wasn’t searching for anyone.  I was just---”

“Pfft” Ivy waved a dismissive hand, “Save your breath.  No judgement here.  I mean he was extremely easy on the eyes without his top on even sick.  Often it is the quiet ones that are the freaks in bed.  I bet if you get past that stuffy old man exterior he has he would be---”

Ella sensed him come up behind them.  Her face already hot turned even more warm and she nudged Ivy before speaking in a harsh whisper, “Shut-up.”  Then she turned to face the man she knew stood behind them.

“No.  Please go on.  I am intrigued to know what you think to discover beneath my… what was the wording?  Ah yes, ‘stuffy old man exterior.’”  Solas raised a brow but otherwise his face was unreadable as always.

Ivy seemed completely unfazed and turned to give him a slow perusal up and down his body pausing pointedly at his crotch, “Well… we could start with size.”

“Ah, would you like length and width?” His voice showed his usual calm as though he was discussing the properties of different herbs or something equally everyday instead of the size of his member. “I am afraid I have not had occasion to take measurements before so you will have to provide me with the proper measuring materials.  Unless I can satisfy your curiosity by simply stating that I have never had any complaints.”

There was a moment of dead silence where Ella was quite sure her jaw had dropped open so wide it was no longer attached to the rest of her head, also that her face would start smoking from the heat of her blush.  The silence was ended when Ivy let out a loud guffaw and doubled over in laughter.

Solas waited several beats before he spoke, “If we are fin---”

“Ok ok.  No complaints.” Ivy stood taking deep breaths to try and calm her laughter, “So I mean how big a testing field are we talking here, because one woman not complaining… or 50 women not complaining, those are two very different assurances.”

“I had never had a reason to keep a tally.”

“So a lot then?”

Solas raised a brow, “As I said---”

“Ok ok, what about in the Fade.  You know the… whatever you call them.”

When he spoke again his tone was no longer hinting at playful, “Spirits.”

“Yeah them.  You gotten it in some spirits?  Can you even do that with them?”

Solas gave a barely audible sigh, “As intriguing as this discourse is, I imagine Ella is famished.”  His gaze went to Ella who was currently wishing she could melt into the boards of the ship, “I will take you to eat.”

“Yes.”  Her answer was fast and the moment it was out she started to move forward hoping she was going the right way.  The sound of Solas’ footsteps catching up with her and then slowing to keep next to her side indicated she was.

“I noticed that evasion, elf!” Ivy shouted after them her voice still full of mirth.

Solas choose to ignore Ivy and instead spoke to Ella, “How are you feeling now that you are up?”

“I’m alright.  My throat feels pretty raw for some reason and my arm is itchy like I got a bug bite but otherwise nothing seems amiss.”

She felt a hand brush her lower back guiding her to a door to their right before the feather light touch vanished.  Solas said nothing in response as they went into what appeared to be a small cafeteria setting with a large man ladling some kind of stew into bowls at one end.  They went over to grab their food getting a bowl of the stew and a small chunk of bread before taking it to sit on a bench at one of the long tables.  

Ella slid in first and Solas slid in after her his leg just barely touching her own.  She thought about pulling away but it was somehow comforting in this strange place especially with the blank space in her memory that apparently spanned several days.  Having something familiar so close helped center her.

She wondered when exactly they had crossed this line into a kind of friendship.

“Are you going to eat it or just stare at it?”  Ivy plopped down into the spot across from Ella taking a giant mouthful of bread.

Ella’s stomach growled in answer and she got a large spoonful of the stew chasing it down with a torn off bit of bread.  The bread was chewy but the hot liquid helped to soften it.  The stew tasted like how she’d remembered clam chowder tasting before she had stopped eating meats.  She swallowed it down savoring the feel of the thick stew in her belly before digging into the rest.

“Getting over your meat thing I see,” As usual Ivy had no issue talking around a mouthful of food, “By the way, I took care of your lady issue while you were out but you’ll probably want to check it again tonight.”

“Took care of---” When it dawned on her what Ivy was referring to her she felt her cheeks heat again.  How would she ever repay her for this one?  “You… I’m sorry.  So sorry.  You shouldn’t have had to---”

Ivy waved her spoon at her a bit of broth flying to the table, “Not anything I haven’t seen before.  Lot less bad than stuff I’ve cleaned before.  Besides,” a mischievous twinkle came to her eyes, “you have a very nicely shaped ass.”

Ella opened her mouth to reply but heard a harsh gagging sound next to her followed by coughing.  She looked over to find Solas with his ears pink as he set down his spoon and tried to clear his throat.

“Are you ok?  Did--”

“I am fine.”  He cleared his throat once more and stood, “I just recalled something I neglected to take care of when we boarded.  If you would pardon me.”

Ella watched him go, confused at his odd behavior.  Then again maybe he knew that they were talking period talk and like men in her world was instantly made uncomfortable, still didn’t explain the earlier things though.  Like apparently finding it perfectly normal to discuss the measurements of his…

Ella felt her cheeks warm again at remembering the conversation.  

Ivy seemed to hold no such concerns at Solas’ sudden departure, instead reaching over to grab his half finished stew.  Ella looked at the other woman one brow raised.

“Well if he’s not going to eat it.”  Ivy shrugged and added the contents to her own bowl.

It was obvious whatever was going on that Solas wished to be alone at the moment so Ella turned her attention back to her meal before asking, “So, what happened while I was out?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It was fun to write and I totally wasn't planning on the penis talk to happen it just did because Ivy is... Ivy and Solas wasn't going to let her affect him so *shrug*
> 
> More important notes, Solas has some... tension to release so I'm thinking smut for the next chapter, masturbator elf smut to be more specific. Yes, no, don't care? Please feel free to chime in on your thoughts about that idea in the comments below. I will definitely mark it somehow, an asterisk perhaps at the end of the title? Something. But yeah even if I didn't write it out he would totally be... yup cuz poor guy is dealing with a lot of pent up... stuff. :P Also elf masturbation is just.... yeah. 
> 
> Ok anyhow as always love feedback and let me know any opinions on that next chapter idea ;)
> 
> You can also contact me through my tumblr which is http://solaslover.tumblr.com/


	24. *Solas - Pent Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains NSFW content in the form of a masturbating elf. You have been warned.

The sea breeze filled his senses with a salty tang as he took in a deep breath of air.  He paced the ship careful to stay out of the way of those on board.  The throbbing in his pants making him feel the need to constantly glance down and assure himself his tunic was adequately hiding just how much that woman effected him.

That some brief lewd comment from the Herald about Ella’s ass could have such an effect on him was…  below him.  Granted it was several days of pent up lust that the comment had so easily toppled but either way he was better than this.

His groin pulsed with desire, his body aching for release.  With what could only be described as a growl he turned from the direction he had been going and headed back to the storage room.

The lengths he had gone to make himself nondescript worked well, the only one he concerned himself with running into was the child of the Stone, but luckily the dwarf must have been occupied elsewhere.  There was no sign of him, and Solas was able to make it to the storage room undisturbed.

The area was still empty, save for the blankets she had been sleeping on, along with both their packs.  He moved quickly grabbing one of the blankets before rummaging hastily through his bag.  His groin throbbed with desire as though it need remind him of a fact he was achingly aware of.

With a huff of irritation, he dumped his bag finding the paper he’d been searching for, it was a drawing.  One done on their trip to the Hinterlands on a night when he had nothing better to occupy his thoughts.  At the time he’d have never thought he would use it for this... base purpose.  That he could become so overcome by this primal urge inside him.

Yet, here he was.  There was no denying the press of his desire begging for release.  He needed this.  Just once.  Just to let it out.  Then he would destroy the drawing and move on.  He would focus once more on that which deserved his attention, not some lust driven madness over a… human or whatever she was.

A vixen.  A siren.  

A sanctuary.

He gripped the parchment in his hands forced his mind away from the direction his thoughts were going.  As he set wards he told himself over and over, she was a temporary distraction, some misplaced idiocy that had taken hold of him.  He was no longer a boy to be driven by lust.  He just needed to do this, and he could be done.

When he was satisfied, the wards would warn him of anyone coming down the stairs he moved to the back where he would not be spied.  Where he would have plenty of time to gather himself should someone come below deck.  He found a spot in a corner behind some barrels and put the drawing down on top of one.

As his eyes roamed over the page taking in the delicate features, his hand moved aside his tunic working at the laces of his leggings till they fell to his knees.  The brush of fabric against his painfully hard penis made him hiss, and he allowed his hand to circle the tip picking up pre-cum as he rubbed the head.

His eyes went to her lips as his hand worked.  Those beautiful full lips.  He imagined how soft they would feel against his mouth, his skin, his cock.  Imagined how he would kiss them so passionately he’d steal the breath from her lungs as she’d stolen the sense from him.  Kiss them until she begged, until she opened to him completely.

He licked his lips, and his eyes went up to the ones in the drawing as his hand slowly moved down his cock.  What would she do if she saw him now?  If she knew how undone, she had made him?  Would those eyes widen with shock or would they become heavy with desire as her head fell back exposing that beautiful neck?

He allowed himself to imagine her sitting in front of him in place of that lacking drawing of her.  He imagined her in that swimwear she had donned that barely left anything to the imagination and he groaned as his hand moved at a steadier pace along his erection.

Would she let her legs fall open?  Perhaps she would brush her hand down her body.  Down that smooth expanse of stomach and under the cloth that covered her womanhood.  He imagined her fingers finding her hot and wet.  Imagined what it would feel like to brush against her folds slick with desire.  It made his body quake as his hand picked up speed and the other gripped the barrel in front of him.

If she did begin to touch herself, he would kneel in front of her.  He would push her away and put his mouth where her fingers had been.  What would her desire smell like, taste like?  He wanted to inhale her.  To lose himself in her.   His grip tightened, and his motions became almost erratic with need, his buttocks clenching and hips rocking forward.  

He would please her with his mouth, his fingers, and finally his cock.  When she had orgasmed so much, she could no longer think of anything but him he would enter her.  He would take her and surround himself with her.  He would lose himself inside her as he made her sing his name with that heart-stopping voice of hers.

He allowed his hand to squeeze tighter, looser, tighter, as he moved up and down his cock faster and faster getting the closest he could to what he thought she would feel like cresting around him.  He continued imagining her body flushed with desire, her back arched, and her moans filling his ears.

“Ella,” Her name tasted delicious in his mouth, and he gave a guttural sound of pleasure as he spoke, “Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma.  Ella, Sathan.”

Words were turned to breathy moans; her name repeated like a chorus sending him over the edge.  When he released, it was almost painful in it’s strength and his fingers dug into the wood of the barrel as he moaned, “Yes, Ella.  There.”  He shook with the force of his release feeling his cum as he stroked himself slower riding the wave of ecstasy to its end.  

When his hand stilled, his body continued to shiver from the remnants of his ecstasy.  He had not even been able to come completely down when he felt it.  

A ward had been disturbed.  

His head shot up, and his eyes met the very ones he had just conjured so vividly in his imagination.   She was on the second step of the stairs her eyes wide and a flush to her face obvious even in the dim light.

Finally, his awareness came back and he realized that he had frozen looking at her, his cock still in hand and leggings around his ankles.  He released himself moving his tunic to cover him as he started to reach for his leggings.

“Ella I---”

“I’m sorry I didn’t…  I’m sorry.”  

She shot up the stairs before he could say anything else.  Though he noticed, she seemed to favor one leg as she went.  He took the blanket wiping himself and the area around him as clean as he could before he pulled his leggings back on.

“Fenedhis.”

Old fool.  He was better than this what had… how much had she seen?  Would she never want to see him again?  Would he lose her completely?  Not that he had ever had any right to claim any part of her, to begin with.  All things considered he should not even have let himself get this close.  He should not have let her get close enough to trust him.  The thought of her pulling from him, of losing what he did have of her….  

His heart gave a painful thump in his chest.  With a growl, he punched the barrel hard enough to send a jolt of pain up his arm.

“Fenedhis.  Dahn’direlan.”

He took a shuddering breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose trying to gather himself.  The urge to go to her and beg her forgiveness turned his gut, but he forced it down.  He would not push.  He had no right, especially not now.

With careful fingers, he lifted the drawing of her.  He allowed his fingers to trace the fine contours of her face, her lips, and then he used his magic to burn the parchment till it was nothing but ash.  He told himself never again even as he knew deep in his gut he would be drawing that face, trying to capture her likeness, many times more.

He stared at the ash for several minutes before he went to pack his bag up again.  He was resolved.  She would come to him or she would not.  He would not push her.  If she did not come to him, it was for the best.

So why did the thought make him feel hollow?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations thanks to Fenxshiral - 
> 
> Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma = I want to cum inside of you until I spill out of you.
> 
> Sathan = Please
> 
> Dahn’direlan = idiot
> 
> Ok so yeah another one, I know I've been releasing a lot lately and not on Fridays. I was going to wait but I had it mostly written up already and you guys seemed eager for a Solas smut chapter. Plus I still feel guilty for when I had some big gaps between chapter releases recently. It isn't totally because I was super eager for some Solas erotica... not at all... honest... ;)
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed even though it is a bit of a shorter chapter.


	25. *Torn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mild NSFW: For witnessing elf masturbation :P 
> 
> Surprise. I know I said this would come later but... it is technically a Friday and after 4+ hours stuck on a flight I finished up what was left of the chapter and got it edited so... viola. Uploaded during my 3 hour layover before my next flight :P
> 
> Note: There is a bit of overlapping between this chapter and the last, timeline wise, but in this case it seemed the best way to do it. 
> 
> Enjoy.

One bowl of stew and half a mug of ale later, Ella knew the gist of what had happened while she’d slept.  Basically they’d traveled.  Oh, and Solas had apparently been possessive of her to the point of snarling at anyone who came close as he insisted on carrying her in his lap on his horse.  Though she was highly doubtful of the first part of Ivy’s story she was less doubtful of the second.

He had been… different since she woke.  In truth different for some time now from the man she’d meet when she first was freed from the dungeons so many weeks ago.  Or perhaps she’d changed.  She wasn’t totally sure.  That had been a month ago?  A little more?  Was that really possible?  In any case, the animosity had somehow turned to friendship and that underlying attraction she’d had towards him from the start hadn’t gone away.  If anything it had gotten worse.  Even the thought of sitting in his lap stirred something deep and warm in her belly.

Suddenly a hand was waving in front of her eyes and she was brought out of her thoughts.  A good thing considering.

“I _said_ are you going to finish that?”  Ivy gestured at the half finished beer.

“No, go ahead.”

She grabbed the beer taking a big chug before slamming it down and looking at Ella, “You need to fuck already.”

“I-- what?”

“Solas.  Fuck Solas.”  Before Ella could speak Ivy put up a hand, “Yeah you can deny all you want but, this is getting ridiculous sissy.  You both are in so deep but can’t see it and the tension is giving me a headache.”  She rubbed her temples giving an exaggerated sigh, “Along with everyone else no doubt.”

Ella’s mouth turned down, “It is _not_ like that ok.  He doesn’t see me that way and I’m mar--” She stopped herself short realizing what she’d almost done.

“You’re mare?  What does that mean?”  Ivy’s eyes widened before she snickered, “Is that the word for when you haven’t had sex yet where you come from?”

“No! I’ve definitely had…”  Ella let her head fall so her forehead hit the table with a soft thump mumbling to herself, “Why?  Why me?”  Then louder,  “You’d think with the rifts and everything you’d have better things to concern yourself with.”

“Never.  Sissy’s wellbeing is one of my top priorities.”

Her head shot up to look at Ivy again, “Wellbeing my ass.  This is not about that you’re just being… I don’t know.”

“Helpful is the word you’re looking for.”  Ivy reached across the table to pat Ella’s shoulder speaking before Ella could get a word out.  “Pent up lust is bad for the health.  Now,” she stood cracking her neck before she grabbed her mug. “I need to find that dwarf.  He owes me another game of Wicked Grace.  Stay out of trouble and by that I mean get into trouble with that elf.”

Ella rolled her eyes as Ivy left in search of Varric.  Once Ivy had moved away Ella’s eyes went around the rest of the space, fingers drumming idly on the wood table.  She could feel a sweat starting to form on her body.  She was still wearing clothing more suited to the wintery landscape they’d left and it was starting to become uncomfortable.

She knew that Ivy had stuffed some random clothing items in her pack though she hadn’t really gone through everything yet she hoped some would be more suitable for this weather.  The storage room would probably be fine to change in quickly too while she was down there.  Easy one stop shop.  

After she had taken her bowls over to a large basin with the other finished ones she made her way out to the deck and in the direction of the storage space.  Before she could get there a familiar voice called out to her, “Hey Kitten up for a game?  I need a new challenger.  The Herald is losing her-- ow.”

She turned towards the pair right in time to see Ivy pulling back from what was probably a solid punch in the shoulder.  She snorted and replied, “As _amazing_ as getting teased by both of you sounds--”

“Tease you?  Why Kitten, I would never!”  Varric put a hand to his chest in mock shock earning another punch from Ivy.

“It isn’t teasing.  Just stating the truth.  Deal.  Stop putting off the inevitable.”  Ivy glared down Varric daring him to disobey her as she continued, “Where are you headed so determined anyways?  It’s a ship only so many things to do.  Unless…”  Her eyes came up to find Ella’s and she wiggled her brows in the most ridiculous manner Ella had ever seen.

It made her laugh too much for her to be annoyed, “No.  Stop already.  Just going to get my pack.  I’ll be back up in a bit and I’ll watch this round.”

“Suit yourself.”  Ivy’s attention went back to the game, “Hurry up old man.”

Varric made no move to hurry his dealing, “Patience is a virtue, Spiker.  You can’t rush perfection.”  

Ella was still smiling as she went down the stairs to the storage area.  The smile slipped however when she felt the presence of something at the bottom of the steps.  Was it a ward?  Why would someone set…

It was faint but she could make out heavy breathing, breathing that if she didn’t know better she would swear… there was a moan, rich and heavy with desire.  Her eyes widened and she turned to find the source of the sound without thinking.  That’s when she saw him.  In truth part of her had known as soon as she heard but seeing was…

Solas had tucked himself in the corner and behind some barrels so she wasn’t able to see all of him.  What she could see was his face, eyes facing down at something on the barrel, his full lips parted slightly, and one hand gripping the rim of the barrel.  The other hand… her eyes traveled down and she could just make out a sculpted thigh and outline of his taut buttock.  

Then he started to move rocking his hips in a way that made her skin flush with arousal.  He was unguarded, unmasked, he was… glorious.  She licked her lips as she felt her own sex responding to his actions.  It was enough of a throb to snap her out of it and panic flared.

She started to dart back up the stairs but paused.  Ivy and Varric knew she was going down here for her pack.  If she came back up so fast they’d want to know why, Ivy would not let it go, and her brain would certainly not be able to come up with something believable in its current state.

With her heart thrumming she forced herself to make a quick but quiet path towards their stuff.  Despite the sounds behind her sending jolts of desire through her body she forced her eyes to stay focused on her bag and to focus on her own breathing.  

It took only moments but felt like forever before she got to her bag.  She grabbed it turning back to the stairs and hurrying there.  Though she tried to keep her eyes on the slant of light at the steps they betrayed her and glanced back to him.

His pace had quickened and she swore his body had started to shake.  All that lean muscle she wondered what he would look like if he…

_Stop it.  Stop idiot just get out.  This is wrong to spy.  It’s not for you.  Not for---_

“Ella.”

Her foot froze on the first step at the sound.  Had he just said… no definitely not.  Wishful thinking that she shouldn’t even be having.  She misheard surely, he didn’t care for her like that.

She started to continue upstairs when again his voice came to her ears hoarse and beautiful with need, “Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma.” That must have been elven.  Whatever it was it was delicious sounding and she almost lost her footing.  Then he continued more moan then word,  “Ella, Sathan.”

Her name on his lips was distracting enough when he was just saying it normally.  When he was saying it so heavy with his desire she found her legs were suddenly no longer able to work properly.  She slipped as she took the step.  The ankle of her left leg twisted hard and she fell to her knee onto the step wincing at the pain and the sound.  Her eyes shot up expecting him to be looking at her with… what?  Would he be angry or hot with desire?  She wasn’t sure which one would be worse.

His moaning increased as did the thrust of his hips before he spoke again voice coming out half growl, “Yes, Ella.  There.”  

Her name on his lips once more turned her to jelly.  Despite the fact that she knew he was cumming, that she knew he would soon see her, she could not move.  She couldn’t take her eyes off him.  Even here in the half light he was beautiful and he was thinking of… of her, while he did… that.  It was… her brain lost the ability to make words.

This loss of words happened at the ideal time of course because just then his head snapped up and those piercing grey eyes found hers.  They both must have just set there staring at each other for almost a full minute before time caught up with them.

Solas moved quickly to cover himself as he spoke, “Ella I---”

She forced words out barely aware what she was saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t… I’m sorry!”

With that she scampered up the stairs as fast as her twisted ankle would allow her.  The moment she was above deck she took a deep inhale of salty air before starting away from the storage area as fast as she could.

In the back of her mind she registered Ivy’s voice saying her name as she hurried by but her senses were too gone, too focused on what she’d just experienced, to have her acknowledge it.  She didn’t stop going until she was pressed against the end of the ship and looking over into the frothing water.  It was as far from the storage area as she could manage.

Her heart pounded and her traitorous body tingled, all her nerves felt sensitive.  Even something as simple as the cloth against her now heavy breasts and nipples was distracting.  She felt the sweat on her brow had increased and her knees wobbled.

The pack dropped with a thump onto the deck as her fingers lost their grip.  She turned and followed, her back leaning against the wood side of the ship as she pulled her knees up and her head down.  Whatever other passengers or ferry crew were around didn’t concern her at the moment.  Their looks, their opinions, weren’t important.

If he came to her after this and asked her… if he told her he wanted her… asked her to… She felt herself shake.  What a horrible person she had become.  It had only been a bit over a month and she was already…

If he came to her she wasn’t dumb enough to think she wouldn’t respond to him, that she didn’t want him too.  What the fuck was wrong with her?  She was married.  She would be going back.  She never had felt desire towards anyone but Luke.  Besides a passing acknowledgment of good looks… Luke had been it for her.  Now here she was, her husband back in their world and her here, mad with lust over another man.  

The worst thing about it all, the thing that solidified with her that she must be a horrid person, was that her main concern was Solas.  Her concern was that not only would he never come to her in a sexual fashion but that he would leave her totally.  She would lose him in every way.  That idea chased away the desire and replaced it with a hum of dread.

She took a shuddering breath and hugged her knees closer.  She had no idea what to do now.  She’d never been in this kind of position.  She’d never stumbled upon someone masturbating much less masturbating to thoughts of her, assuming he wasn’t moaning to some other Ella.  

The memory of her name said in that breathy moan of need refreshed her desire.  She groaned in irritation at her own body.  It could mean nothing.  It probably just meant he was, had been, mildly attracted to her and she was the easiest to conjure in his mind at that moment.  That’s what she should want it to be but her traitorous body made it clear she had hopes it wasn’t so simple.

After a few more minutes huddled on the deck floor and sorting through her thoughts she decided that she would let him come to her.  After all, though it had been an accident, she had walked in on his private moment.  She was the one at fault.  So she’d let him make the first move.

That decided she took one more deep breath and stood.  She picked up her pack before making her way back to Ivy in order to ask where she could change.  After, she’d figure out how she could make sure she gave Solas his space till he wanted her around again.  If he wanted her around again.  


	26. Of Course...

Ella had tried.  She’d tried very hard even going as far as to try to list every book title she’d ever read.  Anything to take her mind from where it wanted to go.  Still when it came to it the memory of Solas… of him pleasuring himself, of the sounds he had made… she could not seem to shake him.

She wondered what he had said with such desire in that other language.  Was it telling her what he wanted to do to her?  How he imagined she felt?  She’d try to push such questions out of her thoughts the moment they emerged.  

She had done so well too.  She’d given him space all throughout the day.  Though she constantly flip flopped between relief at not having to address what happened and despair at not knowing if they would somehow be ok.  It was all for nothing.  For when she fell asleep her traitorous mind betrayed her.

At first she hadn’t seen him.  She was too busy taking in the area around her, mouth agape with wonder.  It was a study but in truth library would be a more apt description.  The intricately carved wood desk, while glorious, being the least impressive thing in the room.

The room itself was circular and the whole roof was made of a large domed skylight with metal weaved through in a delicate pattern that brought to mind dragonfly wings.

There was a large set of doors to one side depicting various scenes in the wood, and directly opposite that was a huge arched window with a lounging couch next to it.  Outside she could just make out sloping green hills.

Still what captured her the most were the books.  Bookshelves made up all the wall space, reaching from floor to ceiling.  There were enough books here to make a library jealous and all were beautifully bound with scrolling titles along the leather binding in a language she didn’t recognize.

It was the most glorious place she’d ever seen.  For the first time she was able to completely forget about what happened with Solas.  That was until the doors opened revealing the very elf in question.

They both froze, Solas with a large tome in his hands, and both wide eyed with surprise.  Once again they both seemed to snap out of it at the same time.  This occasion due to a cat that weaved its way around Solas’ ankles before giving a loud meow.

Ella watched the cat, a black and white one that reminded her of a larger version of her own.  She opened her mouth, closed it, cleared her throat and tried again, “Is that a cat?”

Solas looked down at the cat leaning against his leg as though he’d never seen one before as he spoke, “I… yes.”

Half a second later something seemed to snap him back to the present and before she knew it they were no longer in the study but back at Haven.  It happened so suddenly it made her mildly nauseated.

Immediately she knew that wherever they had been was not a place she was welcome in.  Great.  She was batting a thousand here.

“Solas, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to invade somewhere private to you.”  She realized as she said it that it could potentially cover as an apology for both incidents of privacy violation and shifted a blush flooding her cheeks.

“It was not…” a clearing of his throat, “I simply had not expected that you would…” He gave a barely audible sigh shoulders slumping slightly, “That place is nostalgic for me.  I go there when I need to think.”

“And I barged in.  I’m sorry, I didn’t---”

“Ella.” The way he said her name was like a caress to her senses and it silenced her instantly, “You have nothing to apologize for I…” he trailed off looking anywhere but at her, “What you… saw today… it was… I had not meant…”

Her face was on fire and her brain seemed to be fritzing but, by some miracle, she managed to form words, “No.  I… what you do in private… I mean, it’s normal.  We all do it on occasion.  I am sorry I walked in on you.  Is there any chance we could just…” She dug into the snow with her foot eyes downcast, “that we can just forget it happened?”

There was several moments of silence where she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.  Instead her eyes watched the cat that had somehow come with them and was now nudging her leg and purring.

“If you wish.”  His voice was flat, betraying no emotion, and for some reason that made her heart give a painful thud.  Though she didn’t know what she’d hoped he’d reply, in that moment, she knew it was something other than what he had.

She swallowed still not looking at him, “Ah good.  Good.  Then I suppose… uhm.”

“She is curious what you said in your language.”  It was an unknown male voice that spoke and Ella startled looking around for the source.  Though it seemed to have come from at her feet where the cat was, that was impossible.

Solas seemed completely unphased by the sudden voice from nowhere, “What I said?  I do not recall saying anything in Elvhen to her recently.”

“When you were touching yourself in the storage room.”

Normally she would have flushed with embarrassment again at having her less than pure thoughts put out there in such a matter of fact way.  However, any feelings of embarrassment were overridden by the fact that she was now positive the voice had come from the cat.  She jumped back.  In her haste to flee the creature she lost her footing and fell on her butt in the snow.

“Did that cat just speak!?”

Solas was looking at her intensely, his ears tipped pink as he opened his mouth and shut it again.

“I did.” replied the cat.  

The.

Fucking.

Cat.

Ella’s eyes snapped to the cat now sitting in front of her and watching with a tilted head.

“Cats don’t talk.”  Her eyes went to Solas then back to the cat.  “Cats aren’t supposed to talk.”

“Yes, but I am not a cat.”  The voice was cheery, eager even.  “I am a spirit.  From what I glimpsed of your memories I thought this form would be pleasing.  You love the cat.”

“I… yes… but it…”  She took a deep breath, “I have just never had a conversation with one before.” She thought for a moment and amended, “At least not one where the cat spoke back in, you know, words.”

“You do not want me to talk?” The cat sounded hurt and she swore his ears drooped.  

“Uh no… it’s uh… it’s just going to take some getting used to.”

“Good!”  The voice was back to cheery, “I have lots of questions!”

_ Oh joy _ .  “Can that wait?  Just give me a bit to uhm… adjust.”

The cat stood tail waving lazily, “Alright, I will come back later.”

“I didn’t mean---” but the cat was already bounding off.  Ella sighed her eyes turning away from the direction of the cat to find Solas’ hand being offered.  It was only then she realized she was still sitting in the snow.

She flushed and stood, not taking his hand.  When she was standing she brushed snow off her butt and legs unsure what to say.

“Would you like to walk?”  Solas’ voice was more hesitant and questioning then she’d heard before.  She immediately felt a tinge of guilt that she had perhaps made the situation more awkward by not taking the offered hand.

She took a breath and plastered a smile on her face, “I’d like that.”

Still smiling she picked a random direction and tried to make her steps as casual as possible.  There were several minutes of awkward silence as they walked.  She tried several times to start to speak but always ended up closing her mouth again.

It was Solas who started to speak first, “You had---”

She spoke quickly, nervous where he would take the conversation.  “Where was that place?  You said it was nostalgic.  Was it your home or a place you used to live near?”

It was a personal question she knew but it was all she could think of and it seemed infinitely safer than other potential paths.  She’d have to thank the cat later for that one.  It was not cool to be digging in her head, especially in that part of her head.

The silence lingered long enough she worried she’d angered him but finally he spoke, “It was one of the first places I visited in the Fade.  It is in Arlathan.  The city of the Elvhen.”

“Your people’s history.”

“Yes.”

She thought back to what she had managed to learn of the elves from her reading.  “No wonder you don’t want me there.”

“Pardon?”

“Well, humans have shoved down your people, erased as much of the Elvhen history as they could.   They are the reason the Elvhen lost their immortality.  They destroyed them and have now forced them into slums or to live on the outskirts.  I may not think it’s right, and I’m certainly not that kind of human, but I am still a human.  To have me intrude in somewhere like that…”

“Do not presume everything you read in those books to be true.  The downfall of the Elvhen was more complex.  Their history itself richer than any book could tell.  Even the Dalish are grossly misinformed.”

She stopped and turned to look at him, “You speak as though you know all of it yourself.”

“I have learned much in my journeys through the Fade.”  He gripped his hands behind his back, “People speak of the Elvhen as living in trees.  They imagine wooden ramps or Dalish aravels.  Imagine instead spirals of crystal twinning through the branches palaces floating amongst the clouds.  Imagine beings who lived forever.  For whom magic was as easy as breathing.  That is what was lost.”  His brows furrowed, “Forgive me I had not---”

“No. I… would you teach me?  I would like to learn more about…”  _ about your people, about your experiences, about you… “ _ that.  The Elvhen.  That is if you would be willing.”

“You continue to surprise me.” He smiled at her, a genuine smile, and it made her heart speed, “Not now.  It is… complex as I said.  Give me some time.”

“Ok, thank you.”

As she turned to start to walk again a blur of fur ran right under her feet.  She cursed as her footing was lost once again.  What was that damn cats problem?  She prepared to catch herself as she fell to the snow but instead an arm wrapped around her waist and she was pulled against something solid and warm.

Her eyes widened in shock as she inhaled his scent of herbs and old books.  She felt her heart beating at least twice it’s normal rate.  She was completely frozen there, pulled flush against him.  The lean muscles of his chest pressed against her softness felt so…

A breath of air against her ear as he spoke, “You wanted to know what I said?”

She felt the tell tale warmth flood her face, “I--- I didn’t even hear it properly so I was… that is I…”

“Allow me to repeat it.”  

She swore if he moved even a centimeter his lips would be against her skin.  If she just moved her head to the side she could kiss him, lose herself just for a while.  It was a dream technically, surely it wouldn’t count.  Just a turn of the head and…

“Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma.”

The words sent a shiver throughout her entire body.  She melted against him a breathy oh escaping from her lips.  Whatever they meant they did things to her that were the opposite of pure.

“Solas…”  Her voice was hoarse, breathy with desire.

She felt him stiffen.  Then far too suddenly he released her taking several steps back.  She felt cold, needy, she wanted him back against her.

Instead he shook his head before speaking, “I apologize.  I…” He cleared his throat, “It has been long since I have had someone with your wit to exchange such flirtations with.  I took it too far.  I apologize.”

Exchange such flirtations.  So… that was all this was?  Her heart dropped in her chest and she swallowed to fight down her emotions.  Of course, that had been all it was.  She’d known hadn’t she?  Known that he would never see her in that way, not really.  Stupid woman.

“No.  It’s… I mean I hadn’t thought… I enjoy our flirtations as well.  It’s fine we can…” As hard as it would be for her she felt not having him, not having anything from him, would be worse, “flirt.  I enjoy the banter as well.”  She forced a smile, “It’s good actually, that you only see it that way.  Things would get complicated otherwise and we don’t need that.”  She turned from him looking out at haven without really seeing it.

“That… yes.”  

“I think we should probably get up right?  Ivy said we would reach Val Royeaux by early afternoon so I imagine we should start getting things together.”  She was amazed her voice sounded steady. “See you in the waking world, Solas.”

With that she woke herself up.  The moment her eyes fluttered open she turned and buried her head in her pillow allowing the emotions from their conversations ending to release.


	27. Of Masks and Flirts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is more flirting because I'm a sucker for tension build up before characters bang, if you couldn't tell that already. Plus for them it works because it is IC for both these two idiots. Ahh forbidden love and denial. Just think how great it is going to be when these two finally do go at it. I'm not already daydreaming about that chapter at all... I swear... *flutters lashes innocently*

Once she was up the rest of the morning flew by in a bustle of activity.  At first, though the swelling of her ankle had gone down considerably, she had trouble keeping up.  Solas noticed, because of course he noticed man had eyes like a hawk, and forced her to sit down so he could quickly heal it.  After that it felt better than new and she was able to help which, in truth, meant quickly moving out of the way of all the bustle.

When they got off the ship she was surprised that they hadn’t docked in a city.  Upon asking Ivy about this she was told Val Royeaux was a little ways inland and they would have to walk some at which point she was even more grateful for Solas’ forced healing.

The walk itself was not bad at all.  The scenery around them was beautiful all along the way, green and lush.  A refreshing change from all the snow.  Varric kept her company most of the way trying to tell her what to expect of the city and to answer her various questions.  Those answers only served to make her more uncertain of what she would see.  Especially the people who apparently all wore masks.  It was almost refreshing to know that the rich nobility could be just as ridiculous here as in her world.  A universal trait apparently.

When they got close enough to the city that she could finally see it the group split.  Ivy, Cassandra, Varric, Solas, and herself all went into the city while the soldiers stayed behind.  Though at the time this was a fact that Ella barely registered due to her gawking at the sight in front of them.

As they got closer her gawking only increased in intensity.  The city was somehow similar and unlike anything she’d ever seen at the same time.  It was in the center of large lake and when she looked over the bridge they crossed to get into the city she saw what looked like fancy gondolas moving through the water.

The city itself was brick and stone that gave it a distinctly European air.  That in combination with the river immediately had her remembering time spent in Paris and sent a little jolt of homesickness through her.  She quickly tried to stifle it down since there was absolutely nothing she could do about it at the moment.  She forced herself to examine the city closer to stay distracted.

One thing that did strike her was the gold.  There was so much gold everywhere.  There were gold statues as well as gold gilding on every arch and almost every building.  The other difference was in coloring.  Almost everything was white or a shade of beautiful deep sky blue that matched the fabric that went from the city’s center and spread out in streamers to various buildings around the center.

The people were no less interesting.  It was how she imagined the annual Carnival of Venice to be.  These people did everything in excess.  Every mask was made of etched gold or silver.  Every hat and hairstyle was huge and overly decorated.  Every dress and suite puffy beyond reason to the point that she felt sorry for the women because going to the bathroom must be quite the production.  

All of it was excessive to the point of being ridiculous and she loved it.  Granted if anyone tried to stick her in one of those dresses she would fight to the death but to be an observer of it made her day.

“What are you snickering at over there Kitten.”  Varric was eyeing her his own eyes sparkling with humor.

Ella shook her head, “It is all just so…”  She searched for the right word but couldn’t find it so instead just made a sweeping gesture.

“Pompous?” Ivy suggested.

 “Theatrical.”  Varric threw in, “There is no better place to get good over the top dramatic writing ideas then from the Orlesians.”

“Did you notice the one that almost fainted when we walked by?  Or the one that screamed like she’d just seen a darkspawn?”  Ivy let out a guffaw at the memory.

“Herald.”  Cassandra cleared her throat, “Perhaps we should proceed with our mission.”

Ivy stopped laughing and straightened though she still smiled her voice took on the more commanding tone she could don when she chose. “Alright, Cass and I are going to go deal with this Chantry shi--” Ivy glanced at Cassandra, “Uh stuff.  You three can meet us back here later.  Go shop or something.”

“You got it Spiker.  I’m not going to complain about getting out of dealing with the Chantry..”  Varric grinned, “Must be my lucky day.”  With a wink he turned to leave.

“That is a wise option.  An elven apostate and the friend of the Champion of Kirkwall will do little to warm them towards you.”  Solas started to go but paused glancing at Ella, “Would you care to join me?”

She smiled but shook her head, “No thanks.  I think I’m just gonna explore a bit.  I admit I wouldn’t mind a little time to myself.  Not that I don’t love you all of course.”

“Sure you do.  Bet you’re just saying that so we keep feeding you,”  Ivy gave her a hug and a kiss on the head before releasing her with a wink.

Solas simply nodded, “An understandable sentiment.  I will leave you.”

Once he had left Ella turned back to Ivy, “Well have fun I guess?”

Ivy laughed, “Yeah fun is not a word that really goes in the same sentence with Chantry,” her eyes once more darted to Cassandra, “No offense.”

“I am not so easily offended Herald but I believe we have dallied enough.  We should go to the Mothers.”

“Right,” Ivy gave Ella a smile and wave, “See you in a bit Sissy.  Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.”

Ella smirked knowing that pretty much gave her permission to do everything _but_ behave.  She was fairly positive her plans were much more mundane than anything Ivy would have thought to do.  She simply wanted to enjoy a few moments alone after constantly being surrounded by people.  In the process she’d take advantage of the opportunity to explore.  She’d always loved seeing new places and it certainly wasn’t everyday that the new place was a market from a fantasy novel.

As she meandered the shops did not disappoint.    Each one revealing something new and interesting.  There were shops for armor, clothing varying from semi-formal to royalty formal, potions, mage robes, mage staffs, weapons, books, decor, and completely random trinkets.  There was even a little cafe style restaurant.

All these shops she passed without going inside.  Instead she would just glance in as she passed by sometimes lingering for a moment or two but never overly long.  That was until she came across a shop that stopped her in her tracks.  

It was a mask shop.  Inside there were walls of masks all intricately etched in the silver and gold she had seen on the people wandering around her.  Now as she was able to actually really look at them they were even more incredible up close.  There were animal masks, partial face and full masks, masks made to look vicious, and masks made to look delicate.

Before her brain could stop her and bring reason back, her legs were propelling her into the shop.  Her legs moved her towards a silver mask that was designed to be wolf like in appearance with a long “snout” making up the bottom half and beautifully carved eyes.  Her fingers reached out to trace the fine etching.  They followed the lines from snout to pointed ears.

Her body, seemingly unsatisfied with only going halfway, reached out to lift the mask from the wall.  Even more horrifying her traitorous hands then moved to place the mask on her face.  She giggled before she quickly stifled it wondering if she’d finally completely lost her mind.

“Ella?”

She spun at the sound to find Solas standing behind her.  Her eyes widened under the mask as his looked at her with furrowed brows.  

She opened her mouth to speak but before she could get a word out his hands had gone to the mask.  He removed it swiftly along with, what felt like, a handful of hair being yanked from her scalp.

She yelped her hand going up to her hair as her eyes narrowed at him, “Owww.  What gives?  You could have just asked me to remove it.”

“I apologize the mask did not suit you.”

“You don’t sound very sorry.”  She continued to give him the stink eye as she rubbed her head, “What did my hair ever do to you?”

She could have sworn a look of concern flashed over his features, “Do you truly want it back?”

“The mask or my hair?”

Solas laughed.  He actually gave her a fully uninhibited laugh and the beauty of it made her heart pound.  If this was what happened when she got her hair yanked out there were much worse things in life.  She might have to do it more often.

When he finished laughing he said, “A mask does not suit you.  Especially not this mask.  I would give you something else for your hair.”

“Oh and what would that be, since you clearly have such amazing fashion sense.”

Solas chose to ignore the comment, “Topaz.  To match your eyes.”

She felt a blush come on but quickly replied, “Nope.”

“A string of silver laced with pearls.”

“Ha no.”

Solas thought for a moment before his mouth quirked, “You are right.  Flowers.  A crown of wild flowers.”

Ella couldn’t keep back the laugh that bubbled forth, “You make a crown of wildflowers and I’ll dance for you in a moonlit meadow like some wild creature of myths.”

“Tell me, what would you wear for this dance?”

Ella’s grin grew broader and she turned from him to browse the other masks.  “I’d have to wear something appropriate for the mood.  Perhaps emerald green.  Definitely sheer.”

She heard a rustle as Solas moved towards her placing the mask back on the wall, “I would like to linger for a moment on this imaginary scene.”

“You could join me.”  She tapped her chin with a finger as she prepared to win this particular flirting match, “In a loin cloth perhaps?”

“Or in nothing.”  His voice was rich and husky.

Damn.

Just like that she realized she’d lost this one.  Her brain failed to come up with anything to up his comment.  Instead she turned only to find him mere inches from her.  She had to look up to see his face and her heart sped as she took a step back.

In desperation she managed to stumble out the words, “I surrender.  You win this round sir.”

He looked somewhat taken aback at her words, “I--”

“There you two are.”  Varric’s voice had them both taking hasty steps back from each other.

“Hey Varric!”  She worked to hide any tremble to her voice, “Are they already finished?”

“Yeah.  Nothing good either.  More weird shit because there hasn’t been enough of that already.”  He gave a glance between the two with a knowing smile,  “I can come back later if I was interrupting.”

“No of course not.  Solas was just offering to buy me a mask.”  She turned to beam at Solas fluttering her lashes, “I told him I sooo appreciate it but none are up to my standards.”

“Right.”  Varric shook his head grinning, “Come on you two.”

When the three of them had made their way to Cassandra and Ivy, Ella could see the woman was more upset then Ella had ever seen her.  When she spoke it was with a voice tinged by confusion, “Has Lord Seeker Lucius gone mad?”

Ivy gave a nod in greeting when she spotted the three of them but continued to address Cassandra, “Do you know him well?”

“He took over The Seekers of Truth two years ago after Lord Lambert’s death.”  She looked to the side then back to Ivy her brows furrowed, “He was always a decent man, never given to ambition and grandstanding.  This is very bizarre.”

Ivy sighed, “Of course, because why would any of this shit go as planned?”

Ella spoke before she could think better of it, “Were they essential?  Are there other options for what you need?”

Solas was the first to reply, “We need a source of great power in order to aide the Herald in sealing the Breach.  It is our only hope to accomplish such.”  He looked to Ivy, “The mages would be able to provide such power.”

Cassandra shook her head, “I wouldn’t write the the Templars off so quickly.  There must be those in the order who see what he has become.”  She rubbed the back of her neck.

Ivy spoke, “My brother is in the Templars.  I could try and make contact with him.  Perhaps he would be able to offer some insight.”

“At this point I do not see how that would hurt.”  Cassandra straightened and looked out at the market, “Either way we should first return to Haven and inform the others.”


	28. An Unexpected Surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies. I am back. :D
> 
> First off I'm very sorry for being gone so long. For those of you who have stuck with me still you're amazing and I so appreciate you <3\. It is Thanksgiving here today for me so I am definitely giving thanks to all my awesome readers. Also thank you to all of you who left such lovely comments while I was gone. I had a bit of a rough patch and it did warm me to see them but I am sorry I didn't reply to them like I normally would. Just know they didn't go unnoticed or unappreciated <3
> 
> I hope you enjoy the newest chapter. I am going to try to go back to updating at least once a week again because I have greatly missed writing about these two and all the others. 
> 
> So without further delay let us jump back into the story!

A lot had happened as they tried to leave for Haven once more.   Most of it was stuff that Ella paid little attention too.  What she did know was that the mages were asking for a potential alliance, there was some kind of secret meet-up, and that a woman, noble mage or some such, had invited Ivy to her home for unknown reasons.  

These provided a mild problem since it made no sense for the group to go all the way back to Haven only to backtrack once more for the meet-up and the woman’s invitation.  The solution that was offered was for the group to split up.  Cassandra, Solas, Varric, and Ivy would go on to take care of the last bit of business.  Ella would return to Haven with some of Leliana's people and the news of what had transpired.  

In truth Ella was happy for the break from Solas, Cassandra, and even Ivy.  Solas was… well it was complicated because even though they’d verbally sorted things out between them, her feelings were anything but sorted when it came to him.  Cassandra was still continually suspicious of her.   Ivy herself was easy going but rather she wanted to admit it or not she was the figurehead for the group therefore being a favored one of her’s tended to keep eyes on Ella out of curiousity or other reasons.  Varric on the other hand was easy to be with but she still was fine with the thought of being alone for a while.  

During the day the journey on the way home was spent mostly in her own head space. Though there was a young elven male who occasionally engaged her in conversation. She learned his name was Feren.  The nights before bed Feren would occasionally try to teach her more about basic combat and self defense skills.  She managed mostly alright and it provided a good distraction.

When she slept Solas didn’t seek her out but she didn’t lack company.  The curiosity spirit that had appeared in cat form regularly sought her out.  Initially the spirit had appeared once more as a cat but when they spoke the first time she explained how that was a bit unnerving.  It took a while but eventually he understood, taking a more human type form then on.  

The next part of that conversation consisted mostly of him asking what she was.  Though she continued to state that she was a human he seemed hugely adverse to the idea so she just gave up wondering if this was an odd habit of spirits in general or just this one.  She also wanted something to call him by which caused confusion as well.  After some thought she proceeded to tell him about Sherlock Holmes before asking if he’d like to be called Sherlock.  The answer was a resounding yes.  

Thus her first night in the Fade with the spirit was interesting and ended even better than expected.  In the end they began a trade.

The agreement was information for information with the promise on the spirit’s part not to share anything that she told him with anyone else.  Through this arrangement she learned much about the world she found herself in and the spirit was fascinated with tales of her world.  Though things like cars had to be shown to him instead of simply told.  Which was an odd sensation to have your head dug around in.  

The rewards were well worth any initial strangness.  Not only did she learn a lot in a short amount of time but Sherlock was excellent company.  The excitement he got every time she shared something new with him was highly infectious.  Over the nights of their trip back she came to adore her new friend.

By the time their group made it back to Haven Ella was in high spirits.  Whatever odd sickness had plagued her off and on during the trip had seemed to be over with and she swore she felt stronger now than when she’d first gotten here.  This was a good sign for her upcoming journey to the Breach.  She’d take a few days to eat what she could and prepare before she left.  That still should give her plenty of time to leave before the other group came back.

For now, it was her hope that she might be able to get a bath after being on the road all this time.  If she needed she’d bring her own water though it would probably cool by the time she got it filled.  Maybe all the tubs had ruins for keeping the water warm and if not perhaps she could research and do them herself.

As she was leaving the stables and thinking over this she nearly ran into Cullen.  The man offered her a broad grin, “Welcome back.  I have something I’d like you to see.”

“Hello Cullen.  It’s good to be back and to see you.”  She glanced over his shoulder to find a messenger walking towards them, “Looks like whatever you have to show me might have to wait.” Something she wasn’t entirely disappointed about.  She enjoyed Cullen’s company but after being on the back of a horse so long she was desperate for her bath and to sleep in a bed.

A frown creased his lips and he turned glancing at the messenger.  Whatever look he gave was enough to have the messenger backing up before Cullen turned his attention back to Ella.  “I told them I’d be unavailable for a while.  My lady.”  

He offered his arm to her and she accepted knowing it would be rude to do anything else.  It was awkward not only because of the situation itself but because of his armor.  The arms had so much metal on them and the fur he had around the color made it so she could barely see the top of his head over all the floof as they walked.  

She spoke before thinking better of it, “Isn’t it uncomfortable?”

“Hmmm?”

“All this… uhm” with her free hand she gestured at his form, “crap you have to wear.”

He chuckled, “You get used to it but…” he paused for a moment as though lost in thought.  Which was a fairly common thing with him.

After waiting for a while she gave him a gentle nudge back on track, “But?”

“Ah sorry yes, I do miss a simpler life at times.  My life has been...”  His words trailed off again and this time she didn’t push.

He was leading her away from Haven and she began to recognize the area.  It was the direction she’d been when she’d gone to find the research notes for Adan.  That little cabin was the only thing she’d seen over in this area.

“Where exactly are you taking me, Commander?”

“Do you trust me?”

She flushed, “I… that’s…”  
  
He flushed to match her’s, “What I mean is, uhm… that is if you wouldn’t mind it would be best if you… if you would consider… closing your eyes so I can lead you there.  It would…” He paused releasing her arm so he could turn and look at her, “the surprise would be better that way.”

“Oh… sure.”  She tried to give a reassuring smile and shut her eyes.

“I’m going to come behind you and guide you.”  She felt his hands just barely ghost over her waist before they moved to her shoulders and settled there, “Is this ok?”

“Yeah.” She made an attempt to lighten the mode more,  “I trust you not to let me fall face first into snow.  Unless…” She turned her head towards him with a lopsided grin, “Is this some evil master plot Leliana cooked up to be rid of me.”

Cullen chuckled, “No.  Leliana doesn’t include me in her evil plots.  Apparently I lack the proper qualifications.”  His hands were warm and firm on her shoulders as he began to move her forward, “I admit I don’t have the stomach for all the games she enjoys so much.  I’m more for direct action.  Even less for the things our Ambassador deals with.  Politics serves only to get in the way.  It’s a delay.  Something there is no time for now.”  He turned her, “If it wasn’t for all this political dancing we’ve been doing so far we could’ve already….” He stopped speaking and walking, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to bring up all… that.  We’re here.  Open your eyes.”

She opened her eyes to find they were in front of the little cabin.  She’d told him about finding it.  So the cabin itself couldn’t be what he was showing her.  What was he…

“Go on in.”

 _He couldn’t have…_ “Ok.”  

She went to open the door and was greeted by a fully cleaned cabin and a warm fire.  There was furniture moved in including a desk and several shelves with a spattering of books on them.  There was also a table set up like a smaller version of the one in the apothecary.  Off to one side was a bed with new furs on it and in that same area there was a tub.  It was either the same one she’d used with Ivy or they had multiple of it.

There was even water in the tub.  Steam was rising from it filling her nostrils with the scent of vanilla and lavender.  She heard the door close and turned to Cullen.  He was grinning while looking towards the floor one hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“I hope it is alright.  I thought…” He let his hand drop and shifted, “The tavern isn’t a permanent residence and…” He looked around avoiding her, “This is where the last healer stayed.  It will be good for your work helping the apothecary and gathering herbs.  Flissa moved your things here.  I was…. Unsure about the books but you can pick what you want from the---”

Ella went to him hugging him around the waist, the fur of his armor tickling her nose as she rested her cheek on his chest, “Thank you Cullen.  You really didn’t...” She was a horrible person but what choice did she have?  She couldn’t stay.  She didn’t ask for any of this.  The fact that she felt like she was leading them on was beyond her control.  There was no choice.  So she forced back the tears in her throat as she released him, “Thank you.”

When her eyes went to his face it was beet red and he still wouldn’t look at her as he spoke, “I… yes it was… it wasn’t any trouble.”  Finally his eyes went to her.  His hand lifted starting towards her face.  Just when she was about to step back he pulled his hand away before it could touch her.  “I’m... happy you like it.  I’ll leave you to it.”  

Cullen turned on his heel and left.  When the door had shut she released a deep breath, her shoulders slumping.  She had to leave soon.  Things were only becoming more complicated although she sincerely hoped she was reading Cullen’s actions the wrong way.

She turned towards the area with the bed and bath as she began to peel off the layers of clothing she wore.  For right now she just needed to continue one step at a time.  First a bath.  Just a bit of time to be alone.  A few moments to relax.  A little while to lose herself to the comfort of hot water and being clean.  After that she’d start the steps that would take her home.  


	29. Solas - Reports For the Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I posted something yesterday but... 1. It is Friday and 2. I've been MIA for so long. So, I'm going to go ahead and post a Solas POV chapter :D
> 
> Hope you all enjoy.

Solas sat on the edge of camp watching the setup of the overly extravagant tent that would house Madame De Fer.  No emotion showed on his face but his irritation level was high.  There had been much in the way of unnecessary delays getting back to Haven.  So much so that one would think there was no real danger at all.

It had started with the whole Red Jenny chase.  Although he had to admit he saw potential with the female and her organization.  Organization being a very loose term for it.   _If_ they had the proper leadership they could _potentially_ make a difference.  

Red Jenny did have the correct idea.  They utilized a small group of people picked from those who went unnoticed.  From what he could tell most of them didn’t even know who was exactly in this group of theirs.  It was small, obscure, and near impossible to pin down.  A good start.  That was all it was however, a start.  That blonde child seemed to think it all a grand game.  As long as that was all it was they would fall with time.

The other delay had been by the before mentioned Madame de Fer.  This delay he was more irritated by.  It would not have been difficult for her to make the journey to Haven.  She certainly had the means.  His eyes went from her tent to the carriage she had insisted on bringing.

The woman had wanted them to come to her.  She was not someone who came to others who she saw as below her.  He had no doubt she saw all of them below her.  The woman was cunning, a master of the game, and she was a powerful mage for a human.  

He’d known many like her.  She would undoubtedly use the Herald as a pawn.  Something he would not deny he himself was guilty of doing though his game had much higher stakes than hers.  

It would be done subtly and under the pretense of bettering the world for mages.  Perhaps she believed this perhaps not.  She was wrong but it mattered little.  When he was finished the circles, Templars, and everything around them would be gone.  Everything would be.

Solas heard laughter and his eyes followed the sound to find Ivy, Varric, and Cassandra talking in a circle.  It appeared Varric was agitating the Seeker though Solas saw her agitation as more of an act at this point than actual negativity towards the dwarf.  

Watching them he once again thought if he had another way he would take it.  They may be shells but that did not mean he wanted their demise.  He did not want to cause undue suffering and would not if he could help it at all.  However, he would not, no _could_ not, be led astray from the path he must take.  For the greater good.  For his people.  He would correct this wrong he had committed.

Before his thoughts could go anywhere else he heard a bird song from the trees.  It was one familiar to him but not found anymore in this age.  The signal worked well, most would not notice such a thing.  

He allowed his eyes to go over the camp once searching out de Fer.  As expected she paid him no mind.  This was one of the times that his humble apostate front would work highly in his favor.  One elven apostate with no desire for power was far below her notice.  If he was not she would have been an annoyance to him likely causing him extra work to continue in his current position.  

It was imperative he stay out of her gaze.  If she started to show any attention to him he would simply have to do something to shake her off once more.  Perhaps a show of incompetence such as setting a mild fire to his clothing when casting a spell.  Though he doubted that would become necessary.

Confident he was completely unobserved he stood from his spot and strolled into the trees.  He walked until he could no longer hear the conversation from camp then he waited.  It was not long before an elf slipped out of the trees next to him giving a bow of his head.

“My Lord Fen’harel.”

He had always hated the bowing.  It felt to similar to what was expected in the very foundation he had fought so hard to topple.  Unfortunately such posturing was necessary.  

“You have reports?”

“Yes, my Lord.  We have news from our agent in redcliffe.  It appears the Grand Enchanter Fiona has made a deal with an agent of the one they call The Elder One.  They were offered protection from a Tevinter magister.  Our agent has been unable to gather much more information on this.”

What had she been thinking?  Taking an offer like that.  “Have them continue to monitor the situation.  I feel there must be some trickery at hand.”

“Yes, my Lord.  We have still been unsuccessful in a full infiltration of the templar situation.  The agent stationed there however reports odd behaviour amongst the upper ranks in growing amounts.  More and more seeming to withdraw.  We will continue our attempt to find out more.”

“Do.”

“Our agents in the Winter Palace report much the same.  Continued unrest between the Empress and her cousin.  Briala continues to work in the shadows against them both but as of yet has made no more moves.  We have still been unable to attain the passphrase.

“Unfortunate but unsurprising.”  The agent bowed and Solas waited a beat before saying, “Anything else?”

“No, my Lord.”  The agent straightened turning to go.

“What of the information I asked for on the language?”

The agent turned back to him once more, “Yes.  I apologize my Lord.  We have been unable to find anything on the language called French and as per your request have halted the search after the allotted time.  Would you like us to continue?”

 _Yes._ “No.  We can not afford the resources on it.  You are dismissed.  Thank you.”

Solas watched the agent disappear into the trees before turning back to the camp.  It had been foolish of him to even waste agents on the search for that obscure language to begin with.  He should not have wasted his resources on a girl who he was able to keep an eye on himself.  The reason had been sheer desire to know more of her.  It had been self serving and would not happen again.

As he went back to his spot at the edge of camp he forced his mind back to the more pressing issues.  Namely Briala and all the extra steps that would need to be taken if he could not obtain the passphrase.  Felassan had caused him a needless amount of work with his mistake.  Felassan had been most loyal.  To have him of all the agents go against the greater good…

It pained him still to think of.  He had never wanted that.  Felassan had been dear to him but he could not afford such behavior.  There had been no choice.  For the greater good sacrifices must be made no matter how he detested it.  

It had been necessary.  

As the memories of that came to his mind so did Ella.  His eyes took in the people that considered him their companion as they began to settle for the night.  For the first time he felt a nagging doubt over what had happened to Felassan.  He had felt remorse of course, how could he not when Felassan had been the closest thing to a friend someone in his position could have.  Never doubt.  It was most discomforting.

Misguided.

Most assuredly misguided.  

He had no luxury for such things.  He pushed the thoughts away and readied himself for bed.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Solas kept to the decision he had made when the group split and did not seek Ella out in the Fade.  If he sought out the spirit of curiosity that was so attached to her it was not for her sake but simply because such spirits were rare in this age.

The spirit was easy for him to find now that Solas had established a connection of sorts with him.  They greeted each other and spoke for several minutes before Solas could no longer hold back.

“How is she?”  He knew the spirit would know of whom he spoke.

“Content.  Planning.  Always planning.  Thinking.  Waiting and watching.  Like you but more… prodding.”  The spirit beamed at him, “She gave me a new name.  Sherlock.”

“Sherlock?”  Solas tested the name on his tongue, “Sherlock.  It is a unique name but somehow suitable.”

“It is the name of a detective.  She said detectives are curious creatures.  They must be.  Sherlock is one of the best.  The stories--” The spirit, Sherlock, stopped mid-sentence looking off to the side.

“She tells you things.  I am happy you are friends.”  He let the silence last for a few beats before adding, “Has she told you about French?”

“Yes.”

With most spirits he did not worry about working to shield his emotions but with how close Sherlock was to Ella he took exception, shielding the extent of his own curiosity as he spoke.  “Where does it originate?”

“I’m not to tell.”  Sherlock looked at him his lips set in a determined line.

“Not to tell?”

“Yes it is our agreement for trade.”  He paused a moment before adding, “Especially not to tell you.  She said you would ask.  That you would try and chase after it.  She wanted me to tell you that...”  He thought for a moment trying to get the words right before he spoke changing the inflection of the words to match hers, “You won’t get it that easily wolf.  Where’d the fun be in that?”

“Ah.”  Though he should have been annoyed he couldn’t help the smile that curved the corners of his mouth.  “I do not know why I expected anything else.”


	30. I Danced With You Once Upon A Dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this really is the last chapter for this week. :P Next one will come next weekend.
> 
> Updates will be weekly or at least weekly. There will probably be other weeks like this one where I toss multiple chapters at you haha.
> 
> Also... I'm sorry. Blame Ella and Solas. I just write what they want me to.

It had been about a week since she’d arrived back at Haven.  At least she estimated it as a week.  Ella had tried keeping track in her note taking journal for a while but she’d always been horrible at such things.  It wasn’t a guarantee she hadn’t missed a day or double marked.

Still things were going surprisingly well.  She’d fallen into a routine again, magic practice in the mornings, collecting things for Adan in the afternoons, and study in the evenings.  Adan had actually started teaching her some basic potion mixtures.  He even allowed her to experiment and mix some for him.  It gave her an unexpected feeling of pride that this had happened.

With her spirits high, and thanks to the company of Cullen, she also was eating more.  Her body had started filling out once again.  There was still more bone showing then she was used to but it was quickly improving back to her previous weight.  A relief since she was planning on leaving for the Breach tomorrow.  The extra sustenance would be essential to her.

Everything was ready for her journey.  She’d even used a bit of the coin to buy a better cloak for the journey so she didn’t freeze on her way.  The rest she’d leave with Solas to give to Ivy with a note that said simply.  “I’m sorry but I promise I’m ok.  Don’t get yourself killed.  Love you, Sissy.”

Now all that was left was the note to Solas which she’d leave in his cabin along with the things for Ivy.  That was once she finally got the note written.  The candle had burned a considerable amount with her simply sitting at her desk staring at a blank sheet of parchment not to mention the ones she’d discarded earlier.  She took a deep breath and forced herself to write.

 

_Solas,_

_Thank you for all your lessons and the time you spent with me.  You have taught me much.  I will not forget_

 

She stopped, huffed, and scratched it out balling up the note and tossing it in the growing pile.  Her head fell to the desk with a thump.  This should _not_ be this difficult.  At this rate she wouldn’t get any sleep tonight which would not do at all.

Straightening she spoke to the empty room, “Stop being a dumbass and just write the damn thing.  It isn’t a treaty or something.”  Grabbing another piece of parchment she dipped her quill in ink and started again.

 

_Solas,_

 

_I had to.  I’m ok.  I’m sorry.  I wish we could have met where things could be different.  Thank you for everything._

 

_Ella_

 

_P.S. I am entrusting this note and the coins inside it to you for Ivy.  Please give them to her and please be there for her.  I’m afraid she won’t take my leaving well._

 

That would have to do.  She forced herself to fold it neatly and place it next to the others before leaning back in the chair and shutting her eyes.  It wasn’t perfect but... was perfect even possible in this kind of situation?  Doubtful.

After she’d allowed herself a few moments she stood picking up the notes.  Solas had once more given her a key to his lodging so she could stay there when he was gone.  She pulled on the cloak and tucked the key, along with the notes, underneath before making her way to his place.

As she walked she passed soldiers still training in what little light was left.  They paid her no mind.  Cullen might have noticed her but he was gone for the night.  Likely working on paperwork or some planning with the others.  She was happy to be able to go unnoticed to Solas’.  Her mood wasn’t a social one at the moment.

When she entered his lodging the familiar scent of herbs, ink, and leather bound books greeted her.  She shut the door firmly behind her to keep out the cold and walked over to his desk removing the items and placing them neatly in the center.

It _had_ been her plan to leave as soon as she’d done this.  Instead she found herself going to his bed, her fingers brushing the covers before she set down.  Her eyes took in the space trying to memorize it.  It might be easier if she forgot all this when she got back to her world.  Easier perhaps, but the thought of that made her eyes sting.

With a soft sigh she let herself ease down onto his bed, her head resting on his pillow.  She could still pick up the faint scent of him there.  Though she felt a bit like a creeper for doing so she breathed it in.  

Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to see him once more.  She’d made the decision when they’d parted not to seek him out in the Fade.  It was something she’d kept to but now she desperately wanted to see him once more.  She shut her eyes giving in.

When she entered there was a flicker as the Fade adjusted itself to where Solas wanted her to be.  In the past she might have been surprised that he’d sensed her so quickly but not anymore.  

She allowed herself to take in the area.  He’d chosen the garden he’d taken her to after the incident with the desire demon.  It caused an odd mixture of emotions in her gut.

“Hello, Ella.”

The name from his lips sent a flow of warmth through her that was still unnerving.  Especially considering it wasn’t even her real name.  If things went to plan it was a name she wouldn’t have need for after she left him tonight.

She forced her emotions down and turned to him with a smile, “Hey.  You changed the scenery when I was coming.  Were you in some personal porn den or something?”

Solas did the eyebrow raise she’d grown so accustomed to, “Porn den?  I do not even know what that is.  Enlighten me.”

Ah of course, porn wasn’t a thing here.  None digital age and all.

“Nothing.  It’s nothing.”  She moved from him going towards a grouping of herbs.  “I’m glad you picked here.  It’s peaceful.”

Solas moved behind her, “Yes.”  There was a pause which she was unsure how to fill.  Luckily he spoke again, “Why have you sought me out?”

 _To say good-bye you infuriating lovely confusing man._ “I have to have a reason?”  

“From what I have learned of you, yes.  You do nothing without reason.”

“I suppose you would know, wolfie.”  She turned smiling but any banter she’d had on her tongue disappeared when her eyes locked with his steel ones.  

It made her heart race.  Irrationally she thought he would see directly through her.  That he’d see her plan.  So she quickly turned once more from him starting to walk away when she felt his hand on her arm.

“Why?”

She turned back to him gently releasing her arm from his grasp, “To be honest I… I wanted to check in.  Is everyone doing ok?  Ivy hasn’t gone and gotten herself hurt or anything?”

“The Herald is well.  We have two new members.  You will meet them soon.  We should be back the day after tomorrow.”

She was just in time then.  There was no more putting off leaving.  “I’m glad you’re all safe.”  An idea came to her and she brightened, “You said you would show me a griffin.  Would you?”

“I am not---”

“Please.”  There must have been something in her tone because his expression turned piercing like it had been that first time they’d met.  She quickly worked to cover it, “I just… I have the patience of a five year old.  I really would like to see one.”

“As you wish.”  It was clear in his tone he did not believe this.  She thought he might not do it after all but then he reached forward pulling her to his chest.  When he spoke again she could feel the rumble of his voice against her cheek.  “This will be jarring.  Close your eyes.”

“We’ve done this before and you’ve never--”

“Close them.”

The tone allowed no argument so she did as he asked, “Fine.  Closed.”

There was a beat where they simply stood like that before she felt the shift.  Another moment passed after before he spoke again releasing her while taking a step back, “Open.”

She eyed him, “What was with that?  Were you just looking for an excuse to...”  Her words trailed off as she saw the creatures standing behind him.  Most of the animals were ignoring them while a few gave them curious glances, tilting their heads as she’d seen eagles do.  “Griffins.”

They were amazing.  More astonishing than she could have imagined.  The were even larger than a horse with wingspans that brought to mind small airplanes.  They appeared to be covered in something between fur and feathers.  Something she had no words for.

The bodies were muscular and graceful like a cats with paws that ended in vicious looking talons.  What was most fascinating was the colors.  She’d always thought griffins would be white and grey, perhaps shades of tan.  There was that but there was more too.  There were ones that were beautiful hues.  Her favorite were the ones that were a deep rich blue with wing and tail ends that looked tipped in fire.

Her eyes were wide taking in the site in front of her, “They are glorious.”  

She must have stood there just staring in awe for several minutes.  This… this was something she had to try and remember.  Griffins.  Of all the things she’d seen this was most glorious.  She felt her eyes begin to sting.  Finally she turned to him.

“Thank you.  I can’t tell you how much this is… it is just… I’ll never forget it.”

Solas looked at her his brows furrowed, “You are…” he moved towards her closing the space between them.  Out of the corner of her eye she saw his hand start to raise towards her but he pulled back, “Why are you crying?”

She shook her head bringing a hand up to wipe the tears, “I’m sorry.  I’m just emotional for some reason I guess.  I don’t know.”

“This is not…” He stopped, started again, “You are not yourself.  Has something happened?  Did someone hurt you?”

“No. No everyone has been amazing.”   _Too amazing.  It would be so much easier if you were all awful._ “Cullen even fixed up a cabin for me.  The one outside of Haven.  I don’t know---”

“Commander Cullen?”

“Yes.” Something in his voice stopped her thoughts, “Why?”

“He is a templar.”

“ _Was_ a templar, yes.”

“ _Is_.  Do not fool yourself.”  She frowned a defense of Cullen on the tip of her tongue but Solas held up a hand stopping her. “You have not told him?”

“About the dreaming?  No.  I am not stupid Solas.”

“I did not imply---”

“Yes, you did.” She gave a deep sigh.  This was not how she wanted the last time with him to go.  “I don’t want to argue.  Not tonight.”

Solas looked at her his expression masked, “You are most assuredly not yourself.  Are you sure you are not ill?”

The smile came to her face unbidden, “Oh shut up smart ass.”

His mouth twitched in response as he spoke, “Perhaps I should check you for a fever.”

As his hand came towards her forehead she batted it away and took a step back laughing, “Stop.”  Now he was smiling fully at her making her heart speed some.  

She wanted to be near him for a while but how to do it without it being uncomfortable for him.  Her eyes turned back to the griffins as she went through ideas finally settling on one.

“Do you dance Solas?”

“Pardon?”

“Dance.  Like you know,” She had no clue if the names for dancing were the same here or not, “that thing people usually put on fancy clothes to do while music plays.”

“Are you asking me to dance?”

“Perhaps.  Would you say yes if I was?”

“This is not the place for such.”

Her heart dropped a little but she was careful not to let the disappointment show.  “Ha well it was a silly---” the area shifted once more.   

Now she found herself in what looked like another area of the garden in a pavilion with a flower similar to roses vining it’s way along it’s sides.  There was a full moon lending a soft light to the area as stars twinkled above in a beautiful tapestry of glittering light.  Soft music was carried through the air though she could not tell from which direction it originated.

When she looked back to Solas she felt her breath catch.  He was wearing formal wear that was silver and blue reminding her of the moon itself.  The outfit was beautifully stitched.  It also perfectly showed off his lean form with his fine chest and shoulders.  

She blushed biting her lower lip before speaking, “I… well now I’m underdressed.”

He shook his head, “You are…” There was hesitation before he continued, “capable of changing into something else if you wish it but there is no need if you do not.”

Why the hell not?  She’d never be in a fantasy world again after this.  Might as well live it up.  So she shut her eyes and thought about the fantasy dresses she had read about and seen in films.  What she ended with was a light flowing thing that hugged to her figure before flaring out at the hips.  It left her shoulders bare but had the sleeves that hung down past the arms.  It was made up of soft blues that matched his outfit.

Satisfied with what she could see of it she looked back up at him smiling and spun once.  “What do you think?”

“I---” he swallowed bending forward offering her his hand, “May I?”

“You may.”  She took his hand and he pulled her in.

One of his arms went around her waist pulling her firmly against him while his other held hers.  It felt so… natural.  Even her magic seemed to reach out to him in an attempt to join with his.  This curiosity was something she couldn’t examine closely, especially not now, so she shifted in the hopes it would start him dancing.

It had the desired effect and he started with what would have been called a waltz in her world.  Luckily one of the dances she knew well enough.  Still they were both rigid at first.  Each one unsure of the other.  As they moved and the music carried them they both relaxed.  

Solas made an excellent lead.  His grace had been something she’d noted before but it made itself even more evident now.  She knew not to let her guard down completely around him.  Truly she knew better and yet…

He did say they wouldn’t be back till tomorrow.  By that time she would be gone so what was the harm?  Her mind made up she gave herself to it.  For just a while she gave up the tightly wound control she’d held to since she’d fallen into this world.  She allowed herself to submit to him, allowed him to take her where he wished.  

Their steps, their heartbeats, their breathing, the heat between them, everything was in sync.  

It was perfect.  He was perfect.    

They could have been dancing for hours by the time she stopped it, knowing she had to be up before the sun had risen.  He halted when she did and allowed her to pull away from him.  Part of her had hoped he’d hold to her.  The better person in her should have been more happy that part was disappointed.  Instead she just felt cold.

“I should wake up.”

His brows furrowed, “It is early yet.”

She looked away, “I have a long day ahead of me so…”

“Ella,” His hand came to her chin and he tilted her face up to look at him.  Then as though he had done it by accident he pulled his hand away quickly tucking both neatly behind his back in that stance of his.  “Something is going on.  If you are--”

“Nothing is--” He opened his mouth.  “Please Solas just leave it.  I can’t do this here.  Everything is…” She had to swallow and even then the word sounded weak, “Fine.”  She took a breath forcing it out stronger, “Everything is fine.  You will see when you get to Haven.  It is all…”

“Ella.”  His hands started to come towards her again but he held them back.  

It wasn’t in the real world.  It wasn’t waking.  It wouldn’t count right?  Just one.  Just as a good-bye.  She’d never see him again after all.

With that in mind she took a step closer so she was but a hand’s breadth away from him.  She tilted her head up, “I hope you don’t regret meeting me.  Even after.  It’s selfish but…”

She shook her head and before she could think better of it her hand went to the back of his head.  He stood frozen as she pulled him down to her going up on her toes to meet him.  She let herself feel his warmth.  Let herself cement the feel of him, the scent of him, to her memory.  Her lips brushed his barely touching but she wanted more.

Hands went to her shoulders and he pulled from her as he spoke, “Stop.”

She felt ice go through her blood and immediately put distance between them.  Shaking her head.  “I-- I’m sorry I don’t know what---”

“Ella. It--”

“You don’t need to explain--”

“I--”

“It was rash.  I’m sorry.  I’ll---”

“Just wait let me---”

She waved him away.  “I’ve got to wake up but really it’s fine.  I just got caught up in the moment is all.  It didn’t mean anything I just---” She shrugged.  

His brows were furrowed, a frown curving his mouth down.  This had not been the last image she’d wanted of him.  How stupid she had been.  This whole thing was a mistake.

Solas’ moved towards her, hands reaching out, “Ella…”

"Emma."  It came out barely a whisper of a word.  Why she even did it to start with she didn't know.

"What?"

The damage was done.  What did it matter at this point anyways.  She straightened looking him in the eyes.  "Emma.  My name is Emma."  When he stepped forward again she took another large step back taking in his face one last time.  The intelligent eyes, bow shaped lips, the spattering of freckles, the small dimple on his chin, and the little scar above one brow.  She took a deep breath.  “Good-bye Solas.  I… I sincerely hope you find happiness.”  Afraid to say anymore she forced herself awake.

When her eyes opened to his room she left as quickly as possible.  It took all her willpower not to run back to her cabin.  She would need all her strength as she made her way up the mountain.  It was essential she be gone by the end of the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I am soooo sorry.
> 
> *looks pointedly at the two idiots* That was NOT how that was supposed to go you two.


	31. Solas - Panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Next Update:** next Sunday
> 
> Alrighty folks, this is just a shorter little Solas POV that overlaps with the previous chapter starting from when she has asked him to dance with her. I couldn't resist. I hope you enjoy reading it. I certainly enjoyed writing it <3

Solas had not thought this through.  Not at all.  He should have left it.  Even better he should have forced her to tell her why she was acting the way she was.  Instead he had given into his own desire.  He had given into the warmth that spread through him when she’d ask to dance with him.

In fact he had given in so thoroughly that he took her to one of the most romantic and intimate dancing places he could think of.  So much he had changed into a formal outfit allowing her to see him as more than a humble apostate for once.  He had wanted her to.  Wanted to give her a glimpse of more.

Stupid old fool.

Now here she was standing in front of him.  The moonlight lending her a soft glow.  When she blushed the effect was that he wanted to see her flush in other places.  When she bit her lower lip all he could think was what he wanted to do to her mouth.  Where he wanted to feel her lips.

“I… well now I am underdressed.”

Underdressed.  How could she think something so ridiculous.  “You are…”  _ perfect.   _ He stopped the word just in time quickly finding a new direction.  “Capable of changing into something else if you wish it but there is no need if you do not.”

_ Oh for..., ‘capable of changing into something.’  That is what you choose to say? You are losing your touch old man. _

Fumbling.  He was fumbling.  This woman…

Before he could restate she had changed.  He once again regretted his actions.  

The dress she chose matched his own in color.  The neck line left her shoulders and collarbone exposed as well as pressing her breasts upward into two supple mounds of soft warm flesh.  The fabric hugged to the dip of her waist and flare of her hips before going into a flowing bottom that reached the ground.  

She spun for him, her now mostly loose hair catching the moonlight.  It did not pass his notice that the only thing holding it back from her face was a weaving of wild flowers.  “What do you think?”

_ I think I want to taste you.  To touch all your exposed places.  To nibble your ear, your neck, your collarbone, the curve of your breasts, and finally to kiss your lips till you lose your mind as you have made me lose mine. _

“I…” He swallowed trying to form words before he decided the best action was to simply start dancing.  With a graceful movement he bowed at the waist offering her his hand, “May I?”

“You may.”

She placed her hand on his.  Her long graceful fingers wrapping around his hand as his own fingers held fast.  On this he had been most correct, her hands were soft.  They brought to mind flower petals making him fear he might just break her.  The fear was irrational.  

This woman was strong, stronger than he probably even knew.  He’d seen glimpses of it.  He knew that she hid much.  He wanted to reveal all of it, wanted to have her open to him.  Not just for the sake of security anymore.  Not even because of this irritating lust she stirred in his groin.  It was simply because he wanted to know  _ her.   _ The core of her.

Much more dangerous was that he wanted  _ her  _ to know  _ him.   _ An impossible thing.

It was a risky line he walked but surely one night of allowing himself to just… be.  Surely just one night would not do too much damage.  It would not even be a full night.  Just one dance.  One dance then he would once more separate himself from her.  

His other hand found her waist and pulled her to him.  The reaction of her magic was almost instantaneous.  She’d grown stronger, her magic more distinct.  However, that was not what almost made him lose what control he maintained.

It sought him out.  He could feel it pushing to wrap around his own magic.  Yet more surprising was he almost lost the strong hold he held to keep his power tampered down.  It fought to meet hers.  Fought hard.

This was… he did not know that this could happen.  Not even when the world had been as it should be, when magic had flowed freely, not even then had he felt anything close to this.  The urge to allow his magic release was strong.  So strong he bit his inner cheek hard enough to taste the coppery tinge of blood on his tongue.

What was this?  What was  _ she _ ?

Solas felt her shift against him bringing him back.  Reflexively his hand tightened at her waist pulling her even closer as he started to move.  There was a tenseness to both of them at first but as he felt her start to relax he too allowed himself to focus only on this moment and the woman in his arms.  

This warm beautiful woman who moulded so perfectly to his body.  As they moved he allowed his head to bend down resting against her hair.  It felt like the finest silk and smelled of her, vanilla, lavender, rose, and something so unique to her he lacked any word for it.

If he truly wished to torture himself this was an ideal way to accomplish such.  To be so close to something he wanted so badly but to know he could never have it.  It was torture but oh, it was delicious while it lasted.

Which was apparently much shorter than his traitorous desires had hoped.

Still when she halted he halted as well.  Although it would be a lie to say releasing her was not difficult when all he wanted to do was pull her ever more close to him.

“I should wake up.”

He paused, they had not been dancing that long had they?  The words escaped him without his permission, “It is early yet.”

What difference did that make?  What plans did he have for her that he thought to act on?

He realized he had plenty of plans.  The list of things he wished to do to her was ever growing.  

“I have a long day ahead of me so…”  

She was looking down so he could not see her eyes or read her expression.  The earlier feeling he had of something being wrong came back with force.  

“Ella.”  There was his traitorous body again.  His hand going to her chin to cup it and lift her face up to look at his own.  The moment he realized what he had done he released her.  It was imperative he regain control so he tucked his hands firmly behind his back.  The hands clenched so tightly that his fingers dug into his flesh.

He continued, “Something is going on.  If you are---”

“Nothing is---”  When he opened his mouth in protest she continued on, “Please Solas just leave it.  I can’t do this here.  Everything is… fine.”  The word was barely audible and she took a deep breath forcing it out stronger, “Everything is fine.  You will see when you get to Haven.  It is all…”

“Ella.”  His hands had started moving to touch her again and he quickly pulled them back.

Still everything was most assuredly not fine.  She was hiding something important, something urgent.  He could practically taste it.  Before he could say as much she was close to him again.  So close he could feel the heat coming off her body.

“I hope you don’t regret meeting me.  Even after.  It’s selfish but…”

Words that should be coming out of his own mouth.  What was she---

Soft fingers brushed their way along the back of his neck to his head.  The seemed to sap all thought from him.  They started to pull his head down and he was helpless to it.  His eyes on her face as she tilted it up to meet his.

This was…

His heart raced.  All his senses surged, an electrical current setting his body alight.

He wanted her.  Forgive him.  He wanted her so badly, wanted her bare skin against his, wanted to taste the faint salt of her skin.   He wanted to smell her, touch her, to hear the rasp of her breath in his ear.  Her lips touched his, soft and seeking, and it would be so easy to lose himself to her, to sink down and…

“Stop.” The word burst forth with more violence than he had intended.

It was more for him than for her and when he put his hand on her shoulders to carefully push her away he tried to be gentle.  He didn’t deserve her.  Not now, not ever, not with what he did, what he had to do.  If that meant he had to deny himself the one thing that might bring him salvation so be it.

Her face paled as she took swift steps away from him.  The pain in her eyes sent a stab through his chest that almost broke him.  He had caused that.  In trying to prevent her pain he had caused it.  Nothing compared to what it would be if he… but he should not have even let it go this far.

Weak.  He was so very weak.  It was inexcusable.  

She shook her head almost violently, “I-- I’m sorry I don’t know what---”

“Ella. It--” he had to tell her it wasn’t her fault.

“You don’t need to explain--”

“I--” It had to be said in a way to make a clean break.  Perhaps...

“It was rash.  I’m sorry.  I’ll---”

“Just wait let me---”  _ Please I need to think.  A moment just--- _

“I’ve got to wake up but really it’s fine.  I just got caught up in the moment is all.  It didn’t mean anything I just---” She shrugged.

Didn’t mean anything… was that true?  It had certainly not felt such when she had kissed him.  Was it simply his own lust ridden mind reading more into it?  The pain in her eyes suggested otherwise.

His feet moved towards her, hands reaching, “Ella.”

She stepped back mumbling something.  It was too quiet for him to hear.  

“What?”

He watched her straighten.  He could see her armor being put into place full force.  A mask going on her face to rival his own as she stared him down, chin raised.

“Emma.  My name is Emma.”

He stepped forward.  Then he registered her words and froze.  Though he stood completely still the turmoil of emotions going on inside him would have put the strongest storm to shame.

“Good-bye Solas.  I… I sincerely hope you find happiness.”

Numb.  His whole body was completely numb as he stared at the spot she had been.

“Emma.”

He woke sitting up with such force Varric stirred looking at him through bleary eyes.

“Chuckles, where’s the fire.”

The words went unregistered to him.

_ Let her go. _

He stood leaving his sleeping things.  He tugged on his outer clothing and grabbed his staff rushing out of the tent.  Her words playing over and over again in his head.

_ “Good-bye Solas.” _

_ Let her go.  Leave her.  It is better.  Leave. Her. _

He didn’t bother with a saddle or a harness.  Solas had ridden bareback plenty in his youth.  Saddling would only waste unnecessary time.    

_ Stop. _

With a click of his tongue and nudge of his feet he spurred the horse on.  Placing his hands on the horse’s strong neck he sent magic surging through the creature.  This would both guide and serve as a source of extra speed and strength.  It would protect the animal for he planned on pushing it to the brink and did not wish to hurt the horse in the process.

_ Let her go. _

He rode to Haven.  He would get there before the day was out.  He had to.

_ Let her go.   _ Solas thought it once more as he rode from camp before he gave a sigh and resigned himself.

_ I can not. _


	32. Looking Through the Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who couldn't wait?  
> That'd be me. :D
> 
> In my defense I've had this written for over a week now and been over it like a gazillion times so... I think it is all good to give to you guys now <3
> 
> I'm several chapters ahead so there will still be a **new update** on Sunday.

Ella had managed to leave right as the first bit of sunlight started to peek over the mountains.  There was a road of sorts going to the place the Breach was but she decided to stick with her original plan of avoiding it.  With the large gate leading to the first bridge tightly sealed she would have had to go around anyways.  It seemed silly to waste time finding the path again.  In addition to that she had other reasons to avoid the main route.  

For one, if someone did happen to notice her missing, or if there were scouts out just to patrol, they would see her in an instant if she took the road.  On that note if she was visible to scouts she was visible to other things.  For some reason it felt safer to go the less traveled route.  Ignoring the fact that in sparse areas she still stuck out against the white landscape.

The journey had been deceptively easy.  Then she hit the more difficult parts of the mountain.  The further she went the more the blizzard like winds batted at her.  Snow pummeled her face no matter how she pulled the hood of her cloak down.  The fact that the snow was now knee deep, deeper even in some spots, did not help the matter.

She lamented the lack of snow shoes.  It made her curious if she could create them.  She could do it in the Fade.  It was easier and easier to do so there.  Since all magic was pulled from the Fade it would make sense that with enough knowledge one could do that.  Perhaps Solas---

_No.  Not Solas.  Don’t go there brain.  Focus._

With a sigh she tucked her head down both in an attempt to watch her footing and to protect her skin from the biting wind.  The sun had risen fully by then but it did little in terms of warming anything.  

If only they’d picked a better place for all this.  Somewhere temperate.  Since she’d lived in Oregon for several years now she wasn’t used to severe winters anymore much less this fantastical Game of Thrones style winter of death.  She half expected white walkers to start appearing but she supposed the threat of demons was enough to count as an exciting holiday.

That and attempting to kiss a particularly handsome but broody elf.  

_Stop brain.  Cut your shit out.  Puppies.  Kittens.  Home.  Home home home.  Luke._

Guilt stabbed at her with the thought of his name.  She hadn’t allowed herself to think if she would tell him about the kiss.  It felt wrong not to.  On the other hand even if she decided to tell him how would she go about that?  Even her steadfast Luke might agree to sending her to be committed if she started saying things about alternate worlds.

On that note she should think of reasons for vanishing.  Just in case.  She wasn’t even sure if she _had_ vanished but better to be prepared if she did.  Assuming she remembered.  Assuming she wasn’t dead and going to come back as a zombie.  Or not able to come back at all, something she hadn’t allowed herself to think about.  Especially given how she’d given Solas her name, something that would have been suspicious to the most oblivious idiot much less that wolf of a man.

_Aaaanndddd we’re back to Solas.  Thanks brain.  You rock._

The snow started to thin out on the ground.  This thankfully caused her thoughts to divert back to the task at hand.  As the ground started to peek out in spots from beneath the snow she could feel the pull of the Breach.  It yanked at her insides like a child impatiently yanking on a dog’s leash.

She pushed her head back and allowed her eyes to come up so she could navigate the ruins to get to the Breach.  When her eyes took in the area around her she almost lost the use of her legs.  Her entire body shook.  Her muscles strung tight, screaming at her to run away and battling with the pulling sensation of the Breach.

It was just like her first time in the Fade.  She should have expected such.  She should have known but…

She shook.  There were no demons here.  That had been the Fade.  Those demons were in the Fade.  

As her eyes scanned the bodies frozen in states of terror her vision confirmed that the area was void of demons.  From what she had gathered the area was safe from them since Ivy had last attempted to seal it completely.  

The knowledge of this warred with her memories and the raw emotions that came with them.  It took a greater amount of willpower than she cared to admit to take those first few steps.

At first her mind brought to the forefront the sound of claws scraping and crackling of flames.  That was replaced by a piercing pain through her skull that made her cry out, her voice echoing around the empty space.  Her head throbbed but the piercing pain, though severe, had been brief.

As her echo faded she heard it.  Faint, but definitely there.  Voices.  

They came from the direction of the Breach.  Which made no sense.  There shouldn’t be anyone here.  Unless they had started sending people to guard the area.  This also made zero sense seeing that all the sensible people went out of their way to avoid the Breach.  There was no need to guard something against people when they were terrified of going near it.

Still it would be wise to tread lightly.   _If_ there were Inquisition soldiers that would complicate things for her.  She’d need time to either think up a story or to find a way to sneak in.

As she neared a voice spoke again.  “I’m going to get some food.  You should too.”  

It sounded like she was hearing it through a thick wall or perhaps water.  It was muffled but it sounded so familiar to her.  She had to get closer.  There was something about that voice.

After a pause it spoke again, “I’ll bring you something.”

That voice.  It was undeniable and she broke into a run.  When she came out of the tunnel she ran into a thick railing so hard it pushed the air from her lungs.  It was luck that it still stood.  If it hadn’t been there she would have fallen several feet in her haste, not noticing the drop down.

She looked up towards the Breach.  Way up.  There was now nothing of the thing near the ground.  Whatever Ivy had done it had thrown the Breach back so all that was left was the swirling hole in the sky.

“Damnit.”  

Unable to easily access it she yelled at the thing, “Mom!  Mom I’m here please.  Can you hear me?  Answer.”  She waited a beat and when there was no reply her voice came out weaker. “Please.”  Immediately she started thinking and mumbling to herself.  “I just have to find something… anything.  It calls to me so maybe I can get pulled in again if I just… just…”  

_Just what you idiot?_

Tears stung her eyes as she looked around frantically trying to find a solution.  She spotted a way to get down to the area directly beneath the thing.  Maybe if she could get there she could make herself enter the Fade.  In the Fade there should be a way for her to get to the Breach and somehow find the way home.

There had to be.

As she worked her way down she heard more sounds sneaking in.  Chatter that was impossible to make out as well as what sounded like the sound of breathing but it was… machine like.  This was odd.  That was definitely her mother’s voice before but what was this now?

Just as she jumped down another voice, “Paging Dr. Miller.  Dr. Miller please come to room 302A.  Dr. Miller to room 302A.”

_Dr. Miller… was that… is it a hospital?  Am I..._

She couldn’t go there right now.  It would be too easy to let herself become frantic.  She’d need a calm mind to enter the Fade.  Especially here.  There might be demons lurking near in the Fade.  Though they couldn’t get through into the waking world now they could still be attracted to this area and to her when she showed.  Despite this she had no choice.

She settled onto the ground.  With quick movements she tucked herself as much into the cloak as she could dipping her head low so that no skin was exposed.  Hopefully she would be able to figure out how to get through quickly.  Even with everything safely covered the risk of freezing was high.

It took her a few moments longer than normal to transfer over.   Though she’d tried to quiet her panic and focus her mind on the Breach, it’d been difficult.  When she did enter she found herself surrounded by green fog.  This felt different.  Hopefully that meant she was close to breaking through and not something else.

Instead of just barreling forward she forced herself to still.  She listened and looked intently into the fog.  As she did so shapes began to take form.  They were blurred.  It was like looking through someone else’s glasses.  Everything was fuzzy.   

Even blurred she could make him out though.  Luke set in a chair, his head forward resting on his steepled fingers.  She thought his hair looked tussled.  She thought he looked as though he hadn’t showered in days.  It was hard to tell with all the distortion.

Still it was definitely him and she pushed forward.  The closer she got the clearer he became.  The clearer the thing he set next to became.  When she could make it out she froze.  The memories from the days she had lost on the journey from Haven came back to her.

She had been a prisoner.  

A prisoner in the worst way.  It was her own body that held her.  There had been no way to move though she had tried.  Once during those days she thought she had twitched her fingers but no one seemed to have noticed.  

The memory of the tube that was currently shoved down her throat came back.  The feel of it scratchy, raw, and choking.  The only thing keeping her lungs going.  She remembered the feel of the IV in her arm pumping sustenance into a body that couldn’t provide it’s own.

She remembered hearing everything but being able to say nothing no matter how she shouted.  And she had shouted.  She had shouted and shouted those days but nothing ever came out.  No one ever heard.

Instead they cried.  They comforted each other.  They read her stories.  Held her hand.  They brushed hair from her face.  Kissed her on the forehead, the nose.  Luke never leaving her side no matter how her parents, Tess, or Kit attempted to coax him.

Luke on the phone with his boss saying that no he wouldn’t be back.  Yes he understood that they couldn’t afford to continue to have a substitute cover.  Luke holding her hand as his tears ran onto her and her crying out in frustration at her inability to wipe them away from his face.

She had not wanted to be like this.  A vegetable.  

She’d had the discussion with Luke and her family.  Brought up over sad movies or books that dealt with coma.  It had been one of those things.  Just something to be prepared for though it would never happen.  A just in case thing.  

It was never going to happen to any of them.  But it had happened.

She’d made it clear to her family to Luke.  She’d said that she didn’t want to be hooked up to machines.  Therefore she couldn’t fault them for saying the hard decision would need to be made if she didn’t wake soon.  That it wasn’t fair to her to keep her like that.

Another child that her parents would lose.  Again because of her.  Though they never blamed her _she_ did and rightfully so.  Now she was causing them pain again.  Stupid she was so stupid.  

And Luke.  Her loving husband, he had lost his job.  Now he would lose his wife.  The woman who was supposed to be there for him for the rest of his life.  They’d only had such a short time.  Now she was…

_No.  I will not die.  I will not go down like this.  I’m not giving up!_

She started forward again but the throbbing in her head intensified.  The pain almost knocking her down.  Still she pushed.  Though the air also seemed to grow thick around her she kept pushing.  She kept her eyes on her body so still on that bed and pushed.

_Move damn you.  Move.  Do something.  Anything.  Just…_

“Move!”

There a twitch of her fingers.  She was moving, she was actually doing it.  Her eyes went to Luke but his head was still down.  So she shouted though it made the pain of her head that much worse.  

“Luke look please!  I’m here.  I’m moving.  I---”

She ignored the pain and kept trying to push through.  The ghost of cloth felt under her fingertips.  The hint of the painful tube once more in her throat.  This time she’d make her body wake up.  This time she wouldn’t just lie there.

So close she was so close.  

Suddenly there was a wall between her and the scene in front of her.  It was solid but clear.  Like someone had plunked down a wall of glass between her and her body.  Any feeling of connection was instantly severed.

“No… no no no”  She pounded on the glass, “What is this? This can’t happen.”  Fog started to fill once more on her side of the glass, “No.  I’m so fucking close.  No!!”

She pounded on the glass with everything she had screaming her rage at it.  She pounded till blood started to stain the smooth surface making it slick.  When that still didn’t work she stood back and started throwing magic at it.

Fire.  Ice.  Anything.  Everything she could muster up she threw at it with all her might but it seemed to do absolutely nothing but drain her more and more till her legs gave.  Still she tried to pull on the last of her strength.  Tried to continue breaking through.

“How… I can’t just… no.  Not now.  I’m so close.”  

She pushed through the pain and exhaustion working her way to standing once more and starting to take aim with what little magic she had left.  Just as she was about to let it out the fog wrapped itself tight around her like a living thing.

“Stop, child.”

The voice was enough of a shock that she did just that going limp as the fog somehow kept her held up.  The voice itself was seemed to come from everywhere all at once.  The sex of the voice was impossible to tell.  It was far to corporeal.  Less a voice and more a sensation.  Though she could not think how that could be.

“Determined, little thing.  It will do you no good.  You may not be what I had originally desired but you’ve proven yourself worthy.  I have use for you yet.  I will not allow you to kill yourself.  You are mine.”

She tried to speak but found she was too weak to form words.  Instead they stayed on the tip of her tongue.  

“You will know me when the time comes.  My plans for you are bigger than theirs.  Bigger than that life you lead in that world devoid of magic.  I can not allow you to go back nor will I allow you to die trying.”

It seemed the thing could read her thoughts.  Well let it know this.  She would not give up.

When it replied it sounded almost amused, “I had thought you weak.  I believed my bait had snared me something useless.  But patience has long been my companion and so I waited.  It is not easy to cross worlds, you understand.  Most can not do it and even for me it takes more power than I like to waste.  So I waited.  After watching you I realized I was wrong.  I know you will not give up child.  Do you not see?  That is the very reason I must keep you.  You are what I need.  You will be mine to use when the time comes.  You do not have long in that other world.  You may be strong in spirit but when you no longer have a body in your world to go to there will be nothing left for you there.  Connections will be severed.”

_I‘m dying._

“That weak shell you called a body is dying.  When it does you will began to be moulded into something greater than you ever could have been there.  My tool for what must be done.  That thing,” the voice held disgust, “is nothing but an anchor weighing you down.  But enough talk.  Your new body is freezing to death.  Now wake.”

The transition was violent.  Whatever that thing was forced her back into waking and with that a searing pain followed her causing her to scream out in agony.  Still she allowed herself only a moment as the stab turned back into a throb.  Then she forced her weak legs to lift her.

The voice had been correct on one count she was freezing.  She wasn’t ready to die.  They hadn’t pulled the plug on her yet and she had been so close she just had to… to figure out how to get back.

She slowly started moving forward.  She was so very weak both emotionally and physically.  The cold had almost completely numbed her and she feared she might already have frostbite.  Her limbs refused to cooperate so she stumbled over and over.  Still, she had to keep going.  

Fight.  She had to fight.  Even though she had no idea how she would make it back to Haven she had to try.  One step at a time.  Just take it one at a time.

She made it to the tunnel she’d come in through before her legs gave out.  Her knees hit the hard ground with a cracking sound and the pain shot through her.  The cold magnifying it.  It hit her in waves that made her shaking intensify, her teeth clacking as her jaw trembled.

As she knelt there she heard the echo of a horse’s hooves approaching quickly.  She was too exhausted to look up.  Too tired to find the source but at this point what did it matter.  If it was an Inquisition soldier perhaps it would be her ticket down the mountain.  She’d figure out explanations later.

The hooves stopped and were replaced by the sound of someone running over to her.  “Fenedhis.”

That voice.

She knew that voice.  Oh she knew it so very well.  

Her eyes came up just as his hand gripped her shoulders roughly.  The steel grey eyes she saw held a shifting array of emotions.  There was more playing over his face than she’d ever thought was possible.  Shame her own mind was too exhausted to pinpoint any of them.

“Are you trying to get yourself killed?!”  He shook her hard before pulling her tightly to himself, “You will be my ruin.”

Heat flowed over bringing feeling back to her limbs and chasing away any frostbite.  The spell must have also contained healing magic as she felt her pain flee.  Though it did little for her exhaustion or emotional state.

The comforting scent of him filled her nostrils as his magic continued to envelope her.  She wanted to drown in it.  It was the first thing that felt right to her.  So so right.  

Her fingers went to grip his clothing pulling herself tighter to his chest as tears filled her eyes.  The sobs hit full force.  It was past her control.  She shook in his arms, crying and not lucid enough to care that she was probably ruining his shirt.  

The exhaustion was now coming on fast.  Her pulse was so very weak and a ringing had started to sound in her ears.  She knew she’d black out soon.

She managed to pull back enough to look up at him.  Her eyes met his which were still filled with warring emotions.  She spoke to him her voice hoarse, “They’re going to kill me.  They think I’m gone but I’m not.  I’m not gone Solas.  I can’t fail them, not again.  Please….”

With that her body finally gave in and she went unconscious cradled in the safety of his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading this! If you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask. 
> 
> I've added a link to my tumblr (if you want to talk to me through there ever or what have you) as well as my Once Upon A Dream playlist on spotify and some pinterest boards I use as story inspiration. Those links are all in the notes on the first chapter now if anyone is interested. 
> 
> Love you all <3


	33. Evasions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said Sunday but apparently I have poor impulse control. 
> 
> Also, I have a Solas POV chapter that is going to be arriving tomorrow. It was one of those where it was a bit too long and odd to have tacked onto the end of this one but it feels to short to have it posted as a weekly update totally on it's on.
> 
> I also would like you wonderful readers input/opinions on something specific but I'll ask it at the end of this chapter so I don't give anything away. I don't think it would but better safe than sorry.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy.

She woke slowly, the sound of a heartbeat in her ear.  She breathed in, a smile coming to her mouth at the scent that greeted her.  Until she realized exactly what those two things meant and her eyes fluttered open.  

With her cheek resting on his chest she could see they must be back in her room.  She started to ease up but then her eyes caught splashes of red on his shirt.  Blood.  Was he---

She lifted her head looking up to his face.

He was completely still.  His head propped up with a pillow his eyes locked onto her.  Of course his face was completely unreadable.  He didn’t appear to be wounded…

“There’s blood on your shirt.”

There was twitch of his jaw as he reached one of his hands down to lift her own.  She followed his movement to find the hand bandaged, just a small bloom of red the size of a pinprick showing through on the side.

This should have been enough to get her up but it felt so comfortable.  As the rest of the memories from what happened at the Breach came back to her she needed that.  Even if it was just the calm before the storm.

He rested her hand back on his chest.  She felt his fingers tracing along the edge of the bandage before brushing along the tops of her fingers.  Curious she propped herself on his chest so she could look at him better.  “You weren’t supposed to be back till tomorrow.”

A storm flitted across his eyes.  The hand that had been tracing her own stopped and the arm that cradled her to him tightened.  When he spoke it came out full of venom.  “It was fortuitous I arrived early.  Do not ever do something so foolish again.  What were you thinking?”  

She was taken aback by the level of his hostility.  She sat up although she had to work to free herself from his grip to do so.  “Excuse you.  You are not my owner. I ---”

He set up with such force she leaned away from him more.  The pulse in his jaw twitched once more as he glared at her, “If I had not come you would have died.  Why would you not---”

“Not what!?  Not come to you?  Not just come out and tell you all my secrets?  That is laughable coming from you.”  

His eyes flared once more, “Now is  _ not  _ the time for your attitude, child.”

“Oh back to child are we?”

“When one acts like a child it is only appropriate.”

“Fuck you, Solas.  You don’t know shit.  You know nothing of what I...”  She felt tears come and she had started shaking once more.  She stood in an attempt to get away from him. To pace.  To do something, “You don’t know what---”

He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled sending her toppling onto his lap, her forehead against his shoulder.  As his arms encircled her she felt him take a deep breath, his lips near her ear, “Ir abelas.  Tell me.”

She shook her head against him but didn’t move away, “I’m…”  _ afraid.   _

“What happened at the breach, Emma?”  

The use of her real name by him was jarring.  “You don’t have to call me that.  I’m not that person here.  Not really.”

“I will refer to you by your name.”  She opened her mouth to protest and he put a hand up, “Only in private.  Only for me.  In front of others I will use vher.”

“Vher?”  At the small smirk that came to his lips she sighed, “It means cat doesn’t it?”

“Yes.”  

She mumbled, “I suppose I asked for that one.”

He dropped his smirk returning to seriousness, “Stop evading.”

She had to give him something.  There was no way the wolf would let this one drop.  Besides, in truth the entity, or whatever it had been, frightened her.  And part of her  _ did _ trust him.  She wanted to trust him completely but how could she when he kept so much hidden himself?  There was too much danger in that.

So she told him that she had been drawn to the Breach in an attempt to find out how she had gotten here and if she could get back to her home.  None of that was a lie.  Nor was the fact that in the process of that she had become trapped.  She told him that she had fought to get out but was stopped by an unknown sentient something.  From then on she told him most of what had been done and said to her by the whatever it was.  She simply left out the part about her other world body.

Solas had gotten up from the bed to pace the room in thought as she spoke.  Now when she was finished he stood in front of her one arm crossed in front of him the other’s elbow resting on it with the hand to his chin in thought.

“What did you mean when you said that they loved you and would kill you?  That you failed them? Who is them?”

She blanched, “I… I was not lucid.  I was rambling.”  It was again partial truth.  Had she been lucid she would not have said so much.

“You are still not telling me all.”  Then he continued the sharpness of his eyes turning soft,  “You are not a good liar.”

“You say that as though you admire it.”

“In a way.  However---”

“Nope.  Do you not remember our agreement?”

“I remember you issuing a challenge with certain restrictions.  I do not recall explicitly agreeing.”

She shook her head, “Oh no you don’t.  It was not a pick and chose your rules challenge.  It was an all or nothing.”

He eyed her for a minute more before sighing, “Very well.  I shall leave it.  For now.”  He brought his arms behind his back keeping his eyes on her, “There should have been spirits.  That level of emotions, the show of power, would have been magnetic.  Whatever was controlling that fog must have also kept them at bay.  A powerful being indeed.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”  

“There are many things you do not yet know,  _ cat _ .  Many things I could yet teach you.  Some things that need be kept secret.  For your sake as well as others.”

She raised a brow, “It was a saying.” She couldn’t help the smile despite the situation, “You’re annoyingly cryptic, wolf.”  

His eyes flashed but not in anger, something else she couldn’t quite pinpoint, “What is your plan now?”

“Uhm, to tell you so I could follow your plan?  You are after all the resident expert in magical weirdness.”

“That sounds like a title bestowed upon me by Master Tethras.”

“You would be correct.”  

“Emma, let me--”

At the use of her real name from his lips she felt her body warm at the sound of her name from his lips.   _ Stupid man and his ridiculously sexy voice.  No one should have that kind of vocal power.  _  She realized he had stopped speaking mid-sentence and tried to school her face raising a brow.

“Let you what?”

He walked closer to her leaning forward so his face was so near hers she had to lean back to prevent their noses touching.  

“Emma.”  

This time it was practically a purr and she couldn’t help the shiver that came to her.  She saw his eyes go to her lips and her heart sped.  Was he going to… no he had said no when she had temporarily lost her senses and kissed him.  So why?  Irritation replaced the pleasure and she slid away from him.  He straightened slowly.

“What?  Why do you keep saying my name?  Just because you know it doesn’t mean you have to keep on repeating it.”

Down slid the mask.  Bastard.  What reason did  _ he  _ have to put on a mask?  He was the one teasing her so mercilessly.

“I apologize.  It is just strange when I have known you as Ella.”  He turned and started towards the door.  “I must think.  Your situation is… unique.  I confess I am unsure what to do at the moment.”  He opened the door and paused in the entrance turning to her, “I would like you to stay near me when you are in the Fade for the time being.  If this being approaches you again I would know it.”

Without waiting for an answer he walked out shutting the door firmly behind him.  She gave a deep sigh plopping back on the bed and closing her eyes.  Her days were numbered.  She might never see her world or those she loved there again.  

She should be thinking of Luke.  She should be trying to recall every detail of him.  She should feel more pain in her heart at the thought of him.  Luke was a perfect choice.  He was stable, intelligent, and outdoorsy.  He respected her and her parents were head over heels from him.  She had little doubt he would have been a favorite for Merri too had she been alive to know him.  Only one who had ever questioned the match was her oldest sister Tess and that was due to… other reasons.  Silly ones.  

So why did she feel so much comfort in Solas’ very presence?  Hell even waking up against him had worked as a sort of salve to her distress.  Even now, when he had no plan and was weary of the entity after her she was more concerned with exactly what game he was playing with his flirting.  

A traitorous little part of her had slowly begun to feel at home here.  It could see staying in the cabin and doing her part to help.  Wanted desperately to see this whole Inquisition thing through.  It could see living in a fantasy world, exciting and deadly as it may be.  That part of her, was relieved she would see Ivy and the others once more.  Worst of all that part was most interested to learn more of her apostate elf.  

_ Her  _ apostate elf.  

She really was an awful person.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angry Solas. Or is he relieved? Definitely a bit out of his element emotionally me thinks. Poor guy.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed this update!
> 
>  **Now for my question:**  
>  How would you like me to go about addressing Ella/Emma now. I am thinking she will simply be Emma from now on when I am writing her. Though I am concerned this might be confusing. Most of the characters besides Solas either refer to her with a nickname or no name at all. I hope that made sense. Please let me know if me referring to her as Emma in text now would confuse you all, or you'd really hate it. I don't want to throw everyone off haha
> 
> You can let me know here or through my tumblr which is linked on the first chapter notes. Thanks <3


	34. Solas: Realizations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry this chapter is shorter. I thought you guys might want a little look see in his head though in regards to everything that happened. 
> 
> I'll post the next update probably within the next couple days. I'm not even going to say the weekend because I've been posting before that pretty much every time haha. I will say it will come at the latest this weekend but probably one sooner and then one on the weekend. 
> 
> Anyhoots, even though this is short I hope you enjoy!

Solas walked calmly back to his cabin. His pace completely relaxed.  His expression one of quiet self reflection as always.  On his way he stopped at the Spymaster’s tent.  The woman dismissed the recruit she had been speaking with and turned to him.

When he spoke his voice was even, “Forgive my inability to speak with you when I arrived.”

“My reports say you went to the Breach.  That you came back out carrying the herbalists little helper.”  Leliana tapped a finger on the table her hand rested on.  She continued, her voice as unreadable as his own, “Why would she have found herself all the way out there?”

“Misguided thinking.  She hoped to discover her reason for being at the conclave.  To regain her past.”

“I take it she claims it did not?”

“It was foolish.  If there is nothing else?”

“My apologies.  You had a long ride to get here yesterday and a long night as well it would seem.”

He pretended he did not know she had eyes on the entire Inquisition at all times.  “The Herald should be arriving before nightfall.”

“Thank you.  We eagerly await their return.”  She started to turn but then stopped, “Oh, there is one more thing.  How did you know to come here before the others?  Given the location the party was last camping the speed you got here is… most impressive.”

Internally he scowled.  There was little choice in the matter now.  It was most fortuitous that _his_ information on the Inquisition had informed him of the Spymasters anti-circle and pro-mage world views.  If it had not been thus… it did not bear thinking at the moment.

“I will tell you something in confidence.  You are aware I am a dreamer.  So is the girl.”  

For the first time he saw the Spymasters own mask slip, “A dreamer?”

“Yes.  I have been training her to protect herself in the Fade.  That night when we spoke I sensed something was amiss.”

“I see.”

“On this occasion I made proper haste.”  

“Your relationship is---”

“Forgive my impertinence, Spymaster, but I do not see how our relationship is relevant.  What happened today will not be a danger to the Inquisition.  The girl did not wish harm.  Only to understand her past.”  He moved his hands behind his back, fists clenching, “I can assure you it will not happen again.”

“If anything should happen that would make her a danger...”

 “I would inform you.”

“Very well.  That will be all for now.”

She turned back to her work while he turned to continue back to his residence.  As he entered his lodging he shut the door calmly behind him.  He locked it.

Then with a feral growl he stormed into the main part of his cabin.  Going to his desk he swept everything of it in a rage.  The items scattering.  Still not satisfied he paced.  

_You dare claim ownership of her? Threaten her?_

With another growl he slammed his fist into a bare space of wall hard enough that he heard the knuckles crack from the pressure.  Pain shot up his arm but he stayed with the fist pressed to the wall breathing hard.

 _I will find out who you are.  I will hunt you and I will tear you to shreds.  She is_ mine. 

“Emma.”  

The image of her came to him when he had said it.  Her unmistakable reaction to her real name on his lips.  She wanted him or at least she wanted the man she thought she knew.  This acknowledgment was delicious.  It was torture.  He felt like a starving man who was now being offered food he could not touch.

He turned leaning his back against the wall as he slid to sit on the floor.  He let his head fall back against the wood, healing the bones of his hand.  He flexed the joints as his mind worked.

Right now was not the time to ponder such things.  Now he needed to find ways to protect her.  At this moment he could afford to.  It was very much a waiting game until he was able to find the orb and kill that insect Corypheus.  For now he had to bide his time with the Inquisition.  Using them for his ends.  For his people.

This would change once things started moving more.  There was already a shifting in the air.  He would not be able to afford having her distracting him when he needed to focus elsewhere.  As long as this entity was a threat to her he would be distracted.

Not only because of his misguided emotions around her but because whoever this entity was they had made it clear they intended to use her for something.  Rather she knew it or not she was very likely intended as a weapon for someone.  There would need to be precautions taken against her being used.  Not only for her but for him as well.  He could not risk a spy or foe even if the person did not know they were being used against him.

He admitted it could be a game that was being run entirely separate to his own agenda.  It was still far too much of a risk to leave alone.  He would need to mark her.  Not as a possession but as being under his protection.  Something that would allow him to keep her safe even when he was not there.

A rune of some kind.  He would find a way to put a protection rune on her.  He would also up her training.  She may be growing more powerful but untrained it would do her little good.  It was essential she learn to defend herself against this entity if the need arose.  

With a soft sigh he stood going to work cleaning up the mess he had made of his lodging.  


	35. New Arrivals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So just in case the time table here is a bit confusing this is still the same day as the previous two chapters. When she woke up on Solas' chest it was very early morning the day after her attempt at the Breach. So this chapter takes place that same day but late afternoon/early evening. Think like around 5 p.m. ish sun is still up but will set before too much longer kinda deal. 
> 
> There is some in game dialogue sprinkled into this chapter since I think it is fun to do that on occasion as a shout out sort of thing or what have you.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

The scent of elfroot filled her nostrils as she worked to grind the herb.  With care she placed the mushed result in with the rest.  Then she reached for the dawn lotus she had found in Adan’s stores.  She brought her fingers up to feel the silky petals.  The action left a small green smudge from her stained fingers.  It would all be mixed together in any case so it didn’t much matter.

Just as she started there was a voice at her shoulder, “What do you think you’re doing now girl?”

“Training nugs.”

There was an exaggerated huff from Adan. As though by being stuck with her he had gotten the worst job of the Inquisition.  Nevermind that he chose to have her here helping.

“You can’t just go taking my supplies.  How do you even know that dawn lotus works in a healing potion?”

Emma ground down harder, “I’ve been reading.  It increases the healing properties and, considering that Ivy is trying to save everyone’s asses, I think she has the right to a more potent health potion.”

“I don’t pay you to read girl.”

“If we are talking fair wages you don’t pay me to do much of anything.”  She finished grinding the dawn lotus before putting it with the elfroot and slipping past Adan.  She took the crushed herbs to the potion mixing table, “On the other hand if we are talking cost of living I guess I do live here for free.  I also get meals for free.  Pretty much everything for that matter.  But that is more sheer luck that Ivy took pity on me.”  She placed the herbs in a bit of liquid and put that over the small flame they used for this purpose, “If she hadn’t I definitely wouldn’t be getting a---”

“What are you even on about?  Fair wages?  Cost of living?  Are you daft?”  He waved a dismissive hand at her going back to his own work, “Less talk more work.  Work on the potions I actually have on your list.”

“Your wish is my command Lord Curmudgeon.”

“Don’t pay you for lip either, mistress Jackanapes.”  

With a chuckle she mumbled, “Touche.”

She blew a stray curl out of her eyes as she watched the mixture closely.  The first few times she’d either underdone it or burned the bottom.  Now she’d grown better at being able to tell the right moment to remove the potion.  Just as it started to really bubble and the liquid thickened a touch.

When it got to that point she took the pinchers lifting it off the heat carefully.  She bent forward looking at it closely.  With care she released just a bit of magic to create coolness in her fingers and lifted the bottle swirling the contents.  When she was satisfied she poured it into several potion bottles corking them.

That was when she heard the horn.  The signal that a party had returned.  That had to mean Ivy was back.  

With haste she pulled on her cloak, “I’m going to go greet the Herald.  The last potion is finished and corked.”  She gestured to the bottles on the table before she rushed out the door, ignoring any protests from Adan.

By the time she made it there they were leaving the stables and making their way back towards Haven.  She spotted a woman walking with Ivy and Varric that was new to her.  The woman was tall with beautiful rich sepia brown skin and seeped elegance with every movement.  

She was also a mage.  Her power could be felt even from a good distance away.  It wasn’t like the hint of Solas’ magic when she felt it.  This was not as much of a draw.  There was a different… taste to it.  It was distinct.  Emma wandered as she neared if this was something that would be the case with every mage and if it was normal to pick up on magic.  She made a mental note to ask Solas.

“Sissy!”  

In a matter of seconds she was engulfed in a hug, “Can’t. Breathe.”

Ivy released her with a grin, “It’s your fault for not staying with the cool team.”

“You know if you’re secretly trying to kill me there are easier ways.”

Varric spoke as he walked next to them, “Like the demons.  Or like being dragged around on horseback.”  He grimaced, “Andraste’s tits my arse hurts like a---”

“Darling,”  The tall woman stood next to the Herald speaking to Varric and seemingly ignoring Emma’s existence, “You should have told me.  I would have allowed you in the carriage.  You would have had to bathe first but we could have made it work.  I still don’t see why you are putting yourself through this to begin with.  What possible profit would there be in this to motivate a member of the Merchant’s Guild to join.”

“I don’t know-- not being killed by rampaging demons seems as good as gold to me.”

Ivy made a pfft sound,  “I’d take the demons over the Chantry politics any day.”  

“Don’t even get me started on that again.  Right now there is a big bowl of broth and some mead waiting calling out my name.”  He gave Emma a pat on the back as he walked by her, “We’ll talk later, Kitten.”  

Emma opened her mouth to speak but Varric had apparently put her into the line of vision for the imperial like newcomer.  “Kitten.  Is that your name or something our dwarven friend has made up?”

“Oh sorry, my name is Em--” She coughed, “Excuse me, something in my throat.  My name is Ella”  _ That was too close.  She had done so good till now too. Solas, all his fault. _

“I am Madame de Fer.  Enchanter to the Imperial Court of Orlais and First Enchanter of Montsimmard.  Which circle are you from my dear?”

That was a lot of fancy title.  That on top of the general air of the woman made Emma pause long enough that Ivy easily jumped in, “She isn’t from a circle, Vivienne.”

Madame de Fer raised a perfectly shaped brow now looking at Emma even more closely, “Another apostate?”  Her eyes went to Ivy, “Are you attempting a collection, my dear?”

Finally Emma’s voice came, “I’m new to maging.”  _ Is that a word?  _ From the look on Madame de Fer’s face she guessed not, “What I mean is I didn’t discover my powers till recently.”

“We thought it best with everything happening that she simply stay with us.” Ivy shrugged eyes following Varric’s path.  Of course Ivy must need a good drink more than any of them.

“Interesting.  You are old to only be manifesting now.”  It was clear she didn’t believe this.  Her gaze made Emma have to work not to squirm.  “Surely you have someone from the circle training you?”

“I am.”  Solas came to stand next to her close enough she could feel the heat of him.

“Well, dear, good to see you made it back after your disappearance.  As for the girl, I do hope you are up to the task.  Would it not benefit her to be trained by someone with more…” She paused as though looking for the word, “expertise in training young mages.”

Solas replied his voice flat but somehow venomous at the same moment, “Your rigorous training lays a solid foundation, true. It also creates boundaries, limits, where none need exist.”

“I do prefer to have boundaries between myself and the demons, my dear.”

“The fact that I, an apostate, have not been enslaved by demons must be quite vexing, Enchanter.”  He said the last word with the same emphasis she had put on my dear.

“Not at all, darling. You clearly have an exceptional gift for the Fade.  There would be no other reason for you to be here.”

“You flatter me.”

_ The fuck was happening right now?   _ Emma looked at Ivy her eyes wide, Ivy simply shrugged.  

_ “ _ I'm far more surprised you haven't been murdered by terrified villagers wielding pitchforks.”

“Yes, packing all the mages into towers and threatening them with Templars certainly kept them safe.”

“It did, until a rogue  _ apostate _ destroyed Kirkwall's Chantry and started a fight most mages did not want.”

“Your Circle was a tightly clamped lid on a boiling pot. It held for a while, and, unless you looked inside, it all seemed fine. And everyone feigned surprise when it finally burst.”

Ivy had apparently heard enough and interjected, “Right, I’m gonna go and join Varric for a drink.  You two have fun with… whatever this is.”

“I am done.  I simply came out to see that you had arrived well.”

“I too am done.  I would like to find my lodgings and bathe.”  As she walked past them she spoke to Emma, “If you wish instructions in  _ proper _ magical attacks do let me know, darling.”

Before she could speak Solas interceded, “She will.  Perhaps you will direct her to a circle mage who doesn’t front load her barriers.”

Madame de Fer simply raised a hand in an imperious wave as she continued striding into Haven.  

“Well, that was fun.  Drink time.” Ivy gave Emma one more tight hug.  “Hope you’ll join tonight.  We need to catch up and I want you to meet Sera.” At the look on Emma’s face Ivy laughed, “Nothing like Vivienne.  You’ll like her trust me.  I’d offer for you to come too Solas but…”

“I have things I must attend to.”

“As always.  I’m surprised you come out from your cave at all to be honest.  You really need to lighten up old man.  Party a little.  After all you only live so long.”  With that she gave a wink and hurried away from them into Haven.  

He mumbled under his breath, “Vya esaya gera assan es’var’av’ingala. ”

“What was that?”

He turned to her and she swore she could see the mask soften just a bit, “An Elvhen saying.  Nothing of import.”

She wrinkled her nose, “I gathered that much.  What about that whole deal with you and the mage lady?  I mean you haven’t even known her that long how are you two already…” She gestured loosely in the direction Madame de Fer had gone, “That.  Whatever that is.”

His expression pinched just a hint before he looked away speaking evenly, “Long enough.  You would do well to give wide berth.”  Without looking at her he started towards Haven, “I will accompany you to the tavern, ma Vher.”

She easily fell into step with him deciding to let go of the Madame de Fer thing for now, “Did you decide to join in after all.”

“No.  It is on my way.”

“Oh.”

“Here.”  He withdrew a small coin purse passing it to her.  “The gold you left.”

She took the coin purse tucking it away on her belt, “Thanks.”  She paused then continued deciding this couldn’t get much more awkward no matter what she said, “What did you do with the notes.”

“Destroyed them.  I need you to come to my lodging after you are finished.”  

That was a somewhat abrupt shift in conversation.  Though he said it in a way that brokered no argument or questions.  He simply expected her to do it.  Perhaps it was everything that was going on but the thought irritated her, “I’ll try to make it.”

There was a longer pause than normal before he answered, “Do.”

The rest of their walk to the tavern was uncharacteristically quiet and the parting stiff.  It made her more sure than ever that his look was simply another mask.  This was not a man used to hearing anything other than a “yes, sir” when telling someone to do something.  Too bad she likely wouldn’t be here long enough to find the truth.  The man was infuriatingly good at keeping his secrets thoroughly hidden.

The moment she walked in Ivy shouted to her from across the room, “Sissy, get your ass over here.” Then to Flissa, “Another round for everyone and a bowl of soup for that wisp.”

When she was close enough to the table to not have to shout in return she said, “I’ve put on weight again you know.  I’m not---”

“Still wispy.  We need to fatten you up more.”

A playful voice with what reminded her of a cockney accent, “Oi is this the girl then.”  

Emma turned to find herself being scrutinized by a pair of grey eyes with a hint of green around the pupils.  The woman was an elf with messily cropped blonde hair.

“Yup.”

“Pffft.  Well she looks like your sister a’right.  All red and freckly and shite.  Still expected more from both of ya.”  She moved around Emma to slide into the bench grabbing one of the pints Flissa set down, “At least you got them eyes going for you, Herald.  Hers are just boring blue.”

Emma turned sliding in next to the elf, who she presumed was Sera, as she blew air into her cheeks then out in a puff, “Well that’s a new introduction at least.”

Varric and Ivy chuckled.  Varric pointed a thumb in Sera’s direction, “Buttercup has a tendency to speak her mind.  You’ll get used to it.”

Ivy shrugged, “They blow up this whole Herald shit so much I don’t blame her for expecting more.  At least she’s honest about it.”

Sera slammed down her pint and the empty cup made a thud sound as it hit.  Emma looked from her to the empty container.  Girl could drink.  

Sera wiped her mouth with a sweeping motion of her arm.  “Alright, why Buttercup?”

“You seem the type.  Or exactly not the type.  I forget how these things are supposed to work sometimes.”

Sera eyed him suspiciously, “You don’t forget anything.”

“And you noticed!”  Varric leaned back with a satisfied smile, “That’s why you’re Buttercup.”

“Well that’s rubbish.”  She grabbed for the untouched pint in front of Emma taking a swig.

Emma felt a smile growing wider on her lips, “I think we’re just gonna want the whole barrel of it at this rate.”

“They can do that!?”  Sera’s eyes brightened, “That’s bloody brilliant that is.”

“I was just making a joke.”

“Piss.”

Some of the other tavern workers brought more pints and Flissa set a bowl of stew in front of Emma.  She voiced her thanks though Flissa either didn’t hear or ignored it.  Emma took a chug of the new pint in front of her before digging into her broth.

Ivy spoke after Emma had managed to swallow the food down.  “Sera is a member of a group called the Friends of Red Jenny.  They were the ones who told us about the plot some puffed up Orlesian noble was setting up against us.”  

Sera snorted, “You gonna sell them breeches?”

“You’ll get your cut.”

“No breeches…”  She snorted again.

Emma glanced at Varric who simply shook his head as he chuckled, “Some things are just better left alone, Kitten.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” she put her spoon in the stew getting another bite, “So what is this Friends of Red Jenny?”  She brought the bite to her lips letting the warmth of the stew fill her mouth once more.

“Why are you lot always on about this?  We just do things, a’right.”

Emma almost choked on her next spoonful at the sudden irritation from Sera.  As she was coughing Ivy leaned over to pat her back and Varric took over the conversation.

“Just… ‘things.’  Like… whatever?”

Sera nodded, “Just things.”

“Like the, what, the hundred or so groups in Kirkwall, that sat around all night dressed as guards or exotic dancers, waiting to jump out and hit someone?”

“Nah.  A friend shut them out.” Sera perked up, “But they were legend, right?”

By this point Emma’s coughing fit had ended and Ivy set back in her seat as she spoke, “From what I understand it’s basically a random group of people that go unnoticed who make nobles lives difficult.  Because nobles are pricks.”

“Arse nuggets.”  Sera agreed before sighing and turning to Emma hands preparing to narrate along with her voice, “It’s like this yeah, you’ve got these big people on the top.  Like those two,” She thumbed in Ivy and Varric’s direction ignoring Ivy’s huff, “But way worse.  Shoving their cods around. ‘I’ll crush you’ ‘I’ll crush you’” Sera made kissy noises before clearing her throat, “Then you got all the people down below serving them and getting pissed on.  So they wanna fight back.  It’s just a name yeah.  The Friends of Red Jenny are just out there.  I can use them to help.  Plus arrows.”

That had given her time to take several more bites and she swallowed the most recent before replying, “So kinda like a Robin Hood thing?”

Sera had gone to take another swig setting down her pint again, “Robin’s what?”

“Robin Hood.  A heroic outlaw with a extreme talent for archery and swordsmanship who stole from the rich to give to the poor along with his band of Merry Men.”  

“Sounds bloody brilliant, he does.”

Varric looked at her interested, “A man from your parts.”

“Mmhmm,” She paused, “Well sorta, it’s a legend.  Not sure if he lived or not.  Probably someone like him did.”

“Usually that’s how legends are born, Kitten.  We have our own budding one here.”  Varric glanced at Ivy.

“Yeah yeah.  Well I hope they talk about how I wrestled a dragon with my bare hands or some cool shit like that.  This Herald stuff is a bucket of dull.  Chantry nonsense.”

“Pfft religious ones.  Believing too hard is what got everyone here.  And here is stupid.  And smells of horse.”

Emma snorted as she brought up her pint for another drink mumbling into the cup, “She’s not wrong.”

Varric spoke up, “I think it is more complex than that, Buttercup.”

“Well sure, the sky has a hole in it.  But I can’t put an arrow in that.”  She paused, “Well, I have.  Doesn’t come down.  That’s… weird.” 

“When did you…”  Varric shook his head, “No nevermind.”

“Weird is a fucking understatement.”  Ivy motioned to Flissa, “More pints!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I used two words that aren't super common here so I'll give the meanings real quick just in case.  
>  **Curmudgeon** is basically calling Adan a crusty grouchy old man. His **Jackanapes** is calling her a mischievous little brat.
> 
> Now for a quick note or question. I am thinking of doing **updates** on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Now some weeks I might not be able to do that three times a week so might only be able to do it twice or even once that week. Although at the rate I'm going currently I don't see that happening but... just in case, since I don't post stuff until I'm really happy with it and sometimes life happens. 
> 
> So does that sound good to you all. Is it too much? And do you have a day preference that you would like if a week comes up where I can only update once?


	36. Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That one chapter wherein Emma gets wasted.

By the time Emma stepped out into the freezing world that was Haven the sun had completely disappeared below the horizon.  She was unsure how much time had passed.  Only thing she could measure it by was two and half pints from the time she started.  Or was it more?  Less?  That stuff was stronger than expected.

She turned towards the direction out of her little lodge.  The snowy ground spun and pitched beneath her feet.  Her hand reached out for the side of the tavern to steady herself, though it took her several tries to find the correct one.  Stupid phantom taverns.

With a huff she turned the other direction and stumbled towards the familiar warmth that was in that direction.  When she got to the door she held her chin high.  Then giggled as an idea came to her.  

She knocked three times in quick succession, “Solas.” knock, knock, knock, “Solas.” knock, knock… he opened the door and she still reached out to knock once more, “Solas.”  Then she snorted before breaking into giggles.

Solas stood rigid his face blank but the hand holding the door tightening, “One would have been adequate.”

She cleared her throat schooling her face back to seriousness, “Right well, don’t get the wrong idea.  I just came to tell me…”  She broke into more giggles at her mistake before getting back on track, “Tell _you_ that I’m not your servant to be ordered about.  You want me over ask nice.  Now...”  

She started to push past him but the room spun and she lost her balance.  Instead of hitting the floor she hit the solid warmth of Solas’ chest.  The arm not holding the door open came up to wrap around her, keeping her steady against him.  Her eyes went up to look at his face.  

She let one of her hands come up to trace the line of his jaw.  “Why’s this so nice?  The ultimate jaw.  Jaws.  The king of jaws.”  She started doing the shark attack song from the movie Jaws before breaking into giggles again.

He sighed and shut the door, “You are drunk.”

She frowned and pushed away from him almost falling on her ass before catching her balance with a hand on his wall, “You’re face is drunk.”

“I was unaware a face had that capability.”  As she made her way into his room towards his bed he followed her, “Inform me if you will need a bucket.”

“Pfft.  I’m not gonna ralf.”

“Ralf?”

“Vomit.”  She fell face first onto his bed her legs hanging over the side as she buried her face into the sheets. She let out a humm of appreciation, “How do your sheets smell so good?  Is there an app for that?”  Then she broke into giggles again.

There was a sigh and she felt her legs being pulled up, her body shifted so she could lie full on the bed.  As he did so he spoke, “I am unsure what an ‘app’ is.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it.”

“Very well.  This was not how I had hoped this would happen but it must be done.”  She could hear him moving about the room shifting things, “Undress.  Waist up.”

Her eyes widened and she shot into a sitting position too fast.  Her vision protested by sending the room into a swirling mess as her stomach rolled.  “Ugh…”  She held a hand to her head for a moment before she came back to his statement, “If I thought you’d be that type I would have never come.  Even if’s tempting.”

Solas paused brows furrowed.  He looked at her as he balanced a bowl and brush in one hand the other arm had a journal tucked underneath.  “Pardon?”

“Drunk doesn’t mean I came here for… you know… not that I wou-- I mean…”

Comprehension dawned and the tips of his ears turned pink.  “That is…” He cleared his throat.  “You misunderstand.  I am placing a protection rune on you.  I need an area on your skin with room. The back seemed the best option.  Take of your top and roll onto your stomach.  I would not take advantage of you.”  He turned from her, “Tell me when you are ready.”

“Oh.”   _Why do you sound so disappointed silly woman?  Not like you wanted him to ravish you… not at all._ She sighed and went to work removing her upper clothing.

When she was bare she eased down on the bed shifting to find a comfortable spot with her eyes facing the wall, her head resting on her arms. “Ok.  Done.”

When nothing happened for a while she shifted slightly but kept her eyes to the wall, “Solas?”

“I am here.”  She heard him move and felt the bed dip as he set next to her on the edge of the mattress.  “This may tickle.”

“I’m not---,” A soft brush caressed her back and she shivered with the feel of it, “ticklish.  Are you painting it on?”

“In a way.  The ink is my own mixture.  It will stay for a month.  You will hopefully have no need for it after that.”  The brush stopped for a moment before resuming.

“What’s it do?”

“Allows me to know if you are in danger.”  Before she could ask more he spoke again, “My bed has a smell?”

“Yes.”  She was too blessedly drunk to think better of it.  Her brain fogged.  Luckily she’d likely forget all this come morning so she continued, “Parchment.  Elfroot.  Ink.”  

She felt the rumble of his chuckle in her core and it sent her heartbeat racing as he continued, “Interesting.  And what else does that clever nose of yours smell?”

“You.”

The brush stopped on her back for half a beat before continuing. He cleared his throat, “Me?”

“Your scent.  Your skin.”  She took a deep sigh, “Like… an ancient forest meadow.  A sanctuary untouched.  A safe haven.  Woodsy and sun-kissed, comforting.”  She let out another sigh shutting her eyes, “If I forget everything else I’ll remember the scent of your skin for the rest of my life.”

He shifted so she felt the bed move, then once more added more paint to the brush resuming the rune, “I had thought you would not come tonight.  Much less tell me all this.”

She laughed, “I wasn’t going to come.  But my head’s… not cooperating.”  With one hand she absently picked at the sheets, “As for the telling, I always seem to say more then I intend to, or should, with you.”

“You have not said nearly enough in truth.  But I am a patient man.”

“I’ve not said nearly enough about your scent or about things in general?”  

“About you.”  Another stop of the brush, “I would know you, Emma.”

Heat rushed to her face and she fumbled for a new topic, “Tell me about… stuff…”

He chuckled, “Stuff?”

“Hmmm,” She smiled, “Tell me the translation for what you said before, the elvhen.”

“No.” The response held a light playful tone.

She pushed, “Oh come on not like I’m gonna remember anything about this.  Can’t you just teach me a little Elvhen or…” She paused frowning, “Or would it be wrong because I’m not…”  Her words trailed off.

“Elven?”

“Yes.”

“No.  If I taught you it would mean I could not do things like this,”  She felt his heat grow nearer.  When he next spoke his lips were so close that the words tickled her ear, “Silal or ma tu elvar.  Isalan hima sa i’na.  Ar nuvena jutuan ma ir rosas’da’din, ma tel’aman melin.”

His words were like a caress to her senses.  They trailed through her veins making her feel as though she was on fire.  Which was ridiculous.  As far as she knew he was probably just talking about the weather or something equally mundane to tease her.  Still…

“Solas…” When she spoke her voice was breathy, “I should leave.  Is the thing finished?”

“Yes. Why?” He pulled from her but his voice remained teasing, “Do I make unpleasant company, Emma?”

There was her name in that purring voice again. “Stupid man.”

Before she could think better of it she was sitting up and twisting.  She could feel the cool air against her breasts just before she pressed herself to him, wrapping her arms around his neck.  She buried her face in the crook of his shoulder.  Let herself be taken over by the feel of him pressed against her.  Let his heat warm her frightened soul.

His hands found her back.  The paints magical properties must include drying instantly since he seemed to have no fear of smudging.  He simply held her to him without a word for several minutes.  It allowed her peace for her inner turmoil.

Then too soon he was carefully pushing her away.  He kept his eyes away from her as he lifted the blanket up for her to cover herself with.  She felt cold even as she wrapped his blanket around herself.  

She sucked in her lower lip chewing it thoughtfully for a moment before her eyes went up to meet his which were now looking at her intently.  The words were out before she could stop them, “Why do you not want me?”

He took a deep shuddering breath and brought his hand up to her face, brushing his thumb along her cheekbone, “I want you.  I have envisioned every scenario imaginable of having you.  This was not one of them.  Get rest.  Forget.”

Solas’ words sunk into her.  It seeped warmth through her body.  A heat that was chased by a hefty need.  Before she could give him any reaction she felt the now familiar tingle of his magic against her cheek, seeping into her veins.  The world began to fall away.  Her mind going blank as though someone had flipped a switch.  With a yawn she felt herself falling forward, warm arms wrapping around her as her head rested on solid heat.  From the back of her mind she thought she heard words.

“Ir abelas.”

Then the waking world slipped from her completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Silal or ma tu elvar. Isalan hima sa i’na. Ar nuvena ma ir rosas’da’din, ma tel’aman melin.  
>  _Thinking of you makes me hard. I lust to become one with you. I want to make you come so much that you won't remember your name._
> 
> Guys. 
> 
> Guys, he was definitely not talking about the weather. Naughty elf.
> 
> Also I didn't do a Solas POV for this chapter but I might do one if you guys want it. Or I might wait and add one in for this chapter and the next one cuz... reasons *shifty eyes*. I don't have any written for him for either one but I can if you all would really like that because you all are amazing.
> 
> On that note if you guys ever have any one off moments, AU thoughts, or anything let me know (example I've thought of doing a side snippets collection from Ivy's POV or stuff that happens when Emma isn't with her.) If you have ideas I can't promise I will do them right away but I can try to incorporate them if they seem like it would be IC at some point for them. At this point I've got my key plot and where I want the ending but I've left wiggle room for the in between stuff to let the characters do what they want so I could definitely toss some thoughts at them and see if they worked ;). And I'd love to see your guys desires. *snickers* desires... *looks around* what I'm an adult I swear! 
> 
> Also know that if there is ever anything you don't like as much I want to know. I mean don't just be like URGH HATE but tell me why it didn't work for you. I won't take it personally and it will allow me to get better same as it does when you guys tell me stuff you loved. Getting better is a good thing! I have a very thick skin from my couple years in art school. You learn fast to not take negative feedback as a personal attack ;)
> 
> Anyways hope you enjoyed.


	37. Solas - To Rune Or Not To Rune

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV for the events that happened in Chapter 36: Forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** This chapter contains mildly not safe for work content due to suggestive... things. It isn't full on smut of course but yup.
> 
> If you're not interested in Solas POV you could skip this chapter and still follow the story ok. There is stuff in here but nothing that wouldn't have either been found out at a later chapter or that would negatively affect the story if it wasn't known.

Solas once more found himself unable to settle.  His latest attempt being in the form of a book.  No matter how he tried his brain would not focus on the words.  He shut the book sliding it away from him before he pinched the bridge of his nose.  

It had been hours.  What could she possibly be doing?  Did she truly intend to completely ignore his request?  He interlaced his fingers, placing his chin on them as she stared at his desk with furrowed brows.  His eyes landed on the notebook he had sketched the rune in.

He straightened reaching for it and turning to the desired page.  The rune had to be perfect.  It would not only serve as a protection for her but also have the capability to help him know her more.  At this point it had become imperative he find out exactly who or what she was.

It had long since been a realization of his that she would not tell him herself.  This was confirmed with the incident at the Breach.  Whatever had happened must have frightened her.  Yet she still only fed him half truths.  

So he had done what he must.  In the rune he had spun something extra.  It would allow him to monitor her.  He would know her location when he was in the Fade as well as be able to listen to her conversations when he desired.  He would not abuse it.  The only time he would use it was when he felt it was necessary or would give him information.  He had no doubt she was sharing things with Sherlock that she shared with no one else.

Still, she would hate him for it if she ever discovered it.  A pang of guilt hit him as his finger traced the rune.  He forced it to the side.

He would do what he must.  To protect her.  To protect him.  To ensure the end result he needed.  His goals were more essential than her affection towards him.  More important than his very existence.  Certainly vastly more important than any lust driven fascination he had with her.

If she was a potential threat through whatever this entity was it had to be dealt with.  By whatever means necessary.  It mattered little how he might despise it.  He had done many things he despised and would be forced to do many more.  

To fix his mistake.  To save his people.  For this he would burn this slow muted world and damn himself along with it.

This was a truth he had long ago accepted.  Why then did he find it difficult to swallow the thought of losing her before he had even had the chance to have her?  

In another world he would have treasured her.  In another world he would have truly known her.  Known her mind, body, and spirit.  He would have had her know him.  Little good it did him to ponder such things that could never be.  Yet, that desire seemed to have securely settled itself in the back of his mind with no sign of releasing him.  

Willpower.  His willpower would see him through this.  Nothing could sway him from the path he must take.  Nothing.

His resolve strengthened, he let his eyes go to glance out of his window.  There was no sunlight left behind the curtains.  She really had ignored his request.  Stubborn woman.  He was not even sure what he had done to earn her ire but if he must he would go to her.  This rune had to be done.  

Just as he was standing there was a series of three knocks on his door.  Then he heard her calling his name through the wood.  As he started over to the door three more knocks hit and then his name again.  

_She has no patien---_

More knocking and he swung the door open.  She actually reached in to knock on the door one last time and said his name again.  Then she broke into a fit of giggles.  

He felt his nails dig into the wood of the door, “One would have been adequate.”

The irritation at her tardiness, along with her seemingly complete carefree attitude when so much was at risk, sent a sliver of irritation through him.  His eyes took in her face.  The cheeks were flushed red.  She was speaking but he couldn’t make out the words clearly between her giggling and the rushed slurring.

So perhaps it wasn’t a carefree attitude.  She had gotten herself drunk.  Something he found wildly inappropriate given the circumstances.  Did she have no concern for her own---

She made an attempt to enter.  In the process she fell against him.  Before her body could continue its descent past him and onto the floor he wrapped his arm around her pulling her firmer to him.

Then he felt her fingers brush along his jawline.  Traitorous thing that this body was he actually trembled at her touch.  His breath catching in his throat as he worked to gain control again.  Though he stopped the trembling almost instantly his lower organ was not as easily dissuaded.

One benefit to her being like this was her usually keen senses did not seem to notice his reaction in the least.  Instead she had now finished talking nonsense about his jaw and was making some sounds he assumed were meant to be a song of some sort.  Then she abruptly broke into giggles again burying her face against him as her body shook with mirth.

What he needed to do was get her off of him.  He sighed but continued to keep her against him as he used his free arm to shut the door, “You are drunk.”

She pushed away from him with such force he was positive she would fall.  Somehow she managed to keep herself upright before stating, in the clearest sentence she had used that night, that his face was drunk.

His fingers ached to reach out and pull her to him again.  Instead he swallowed and kept his voice flat as he responded, “I was unaware a face had that capability.”  He followed her as she made for his bed, “Inform me if you will need a bucket.”

She blew a blast of air from her mouth that reminded him of Sera.  That took care of his arousal a bit at least.  Then she said something about Ralf.

“Ralf?”

She clarified, “Vomit.”  

That was a word for vomit he was unfamiliar with.  Though perhaps that was less her being different and more him not socializing with anyone out of the Fade for so many centuries.

His attention was brought back to her when she let out a contented humm from the back of her throat.  At this point she was face down on his bed.  Bent over it in truth.  It gave him a chance to truly see the soft curve her thighs and the perfect roundness of her---

“How do your sheets smell so good?  Is there an app for that?”

She broke into more giggles.  It should have been enough to snap him out of it.  Instead all he could truly focus on was that how she thought his sheets smelled good.  How she was practically offering her rear up to him like the most succulent of desserts.  What he would not give to---

_Enough.  I am better than this._

He took a deep breath and worked to force the lewd thoughts from his mind.  To do that he certainly had to get her out of that position.  So he went over to help her stretch out on the bed.  He spoke as he finished settling her into place, “I am unsure what an app is.”

She mumbled something that sounded like don’t worry.  The fact she was drunk and he was…

It did not matter.  He had to keep control.  This rune must be finished tonight.

“Very well.”  He went to collect the paint, the brush, and the rune design so he could get this over with,  “This was not how I had hoped this would happen but it must be done.  Undress.  Waist up.”

He was picking out the correct brush when he heard her groan before saying, “If I thought you’d be that type I would have never come.  Even if’s tempting.”

He grabbed the brush he needed and turned to look at her.  His eyes furrowing as he tried to puzzle out what she was talking about now.  “Pardon?”

“Drunk doesn’t mean I came here for… you know… not that I wou-- I mean…”

Comprehension dawned on him.  She had thought he was going to take her now.  A foolish and frankly insulting thought.  If he took her it would be willingly.

If he took her it would be when they were both lucid.  If he took her he wanted her to know every moment of it.  He wanted to make her feel things she had never felt.  He wanted her aware for every touch, taste, and thrust.  To make her body crazy from lust.  To hear her moaning and crying out his name as she begged him for more.

He felt an unmistakable pull in his leggings and hoped she was too drunk to notice.  It would not do for her to know the extent of his lust.  Much less for her to think he would even consider taking her now.

“That is…” His voice sounded weak so he swallowed and started again.  Careful to keep his tone as flat as he could manage, “You misunderstand.  I am placing a protection rune on you.  I need an area on your skin with room. The back seemed the best option.  Take of your top and roll onto your stomach.  I would not take advantage of you.”  He turned his body from her to face the bookshelf.  “Tell me when you are ready.”

He shut his eyes as he waited.  Tried to focus on calming himself.  The air going into his lungs.  The wood beneath his feet, grounding him.  The clothes pressed uncomfortable against his now highly sensitive skin.

This was not helping.

“Ok.  Done.”

He turned to face her and almost dropped the items he held.  The breath sucked right out of him.  He had healed her back before after the demon had slashed her.  It was not as though this was his first time seeing the bare expanse of her back.  He had not expected this reaction to her topless on his bed.  Her breasts pressed into his mattress so that he could just make out the lush curve of them.  His fingers twitched as he thought how perfectly that soft flesh would fill his hand.

Just like that the partial arousal he had been attempting to fight was partial no more.  This was truly getting absurd.  

“Solas?”  Her voice was quiet.  Uncertain.

Somehow he managed to choke out, “I am here.” and snap himself out of it so he could go to her.  He set down next to her on the bed placing his things on the other side of her legs.  There was no reason for him to lose control.  He just needed to finish this.

He dipped the brush in the paint and said, “This may tickle.”

“I’m not---” her body shivered and he clenched the hand he wasn’t using into a tight fist on his hip.  She continued, “ticklish.  Are you painting it on?”

“In a way.  The ink is my own mixture.  It will stay for a month.  You will hopefully have no need for it after that.”  

As he brushed the rune into place his eyes stopped for a moment on the long scars now running in a diagonal along the expanse of her back.  They did nothing to deter from the beauty of her body.  The soft curve of her back bone, the dip in her waist, and the little dimples just visible above her pants.

He realized he had stopped placing the rune and focused on the task once more.

“What’s it do?”

Always curious, his Emma.  He would give her its main function at least.  “Allows me to know if you are in danger.”  Knowing she would press for more if allowed he changed the subject to the only thing he could think might throw her, “My bed has a smell?”

“Yes.  Parchment.  Elfroot.  Ink.”

He could not help the chuckle that came forth at her comment, “Interesting.  And what else does that clever nose of yours smell?”

“You.”

His heart constricted for a moment distracting him once more from the rune.  He managed to force his brain back to the task but could not resist the next question, “Me?”

“Your scent.  Your skin.  Like… an ancient forest meadow.  A sanctuary untouched.  A safe haven.  Woodsy and sun-kissed, comforting.”  Her voice was dreamy as she continued, “If I forget everything else I’ll remember the scent of your skin for the rest of my life.”

His heart hammered in his rib cage accompanied by an uncomfortable fluttering in his stomach.  To try and regain himself he shifted and added more paint to the brush before he continued and somehow managed to form cohesive words, “I had thought you would not come tonight.  Much less tell me all this.”

She laughed and the sound warmed him to his very core.  

“I wasn’t going to come.  But my head’s… not cooperating.  As for the telling, I always seem to say more then I intend to, or should, with you.”

_This is a chance.  Take it.  Get the truth.  Focus._

“You have not said nearly enough in truth.  But I am a patient man.”

“I’ve not said nearly enough about your scent or about things in general?”

Now he could use his previous experience in the game.  He had used flirting before to get information.  If the flirting was more near a deeper truth than he cared to look at that was not of concern at the moment.  He needed her to tell him, everything.

When he spoke his words were deliberate, “About you.”

All that was left of the rune was the inner design that would allow him to listen to her.  If she gave it to him now there would be no need for it.  That would be ideal.  He would certainly know if she was lying in which case he could simply add it in later.

He stopped the brush placing it quietly in the bowl of paint as he made his voice even more intimate.  A caress to her, “I would know you, Emma.”

“Tell me about… stuff…”

She was fumbling.  He was close.  Just a bit more and she would tell him.  He chuckled warmly, “Stuff?”

“Hmmmm,”  He could barely make out one side of her mouth curving up into a smile as she said, “Tell me the translation for what you said before, the elvhen.”

Of course.  She had her eyes set on the language for sometime now.  Much as his had been set on her, French.  Still it would not due to give in now.  He needed to keep pulling her in.

“No.” He kept his tone light, teasing.

“Oh come on not like I’m gonna remember anything about this.  Can’t you just teach me a little Elvhen or…” She paused the side of her mouth he could see now turning into a frown, “Or would it be wrong because I’m not…”  

“Elven?”

When she spoke her voice was quiet once more, “Yes.”

He wanted to brush the worry that had began to form on her brow.  Instead he spoke, “No.  If I taught you it would mean I could not do things like this.”  He leaned down to her.  His lips merely a hair’s breadth from her ear as he whispered the truth of some of his desires towards her.  What he would do to her if he could, “Silal or ma tu elvar.  Isalan hima sa i’na.  Ar nuvena jutuan ma ir rosas’da’din, ma tel’aman melin.”

There was a pause then she said, “Solas…” her voice so heavy with desire that he actually felt his already painfully hard erection twitch, “I should leave.  Is the thing finished?”

There was still a chance to get the truth from her.  He was so close.  So he kept his mind away from his need as best he could.  Kept his tone teasing as he responded, “Yes.  Why?”  He pulled from her so he wouldn’t be tempted to trail his lips and tongue down her spine.  To taste the salt of her skin.

_Focus._

“Do I make unpleasant company, Emma?”  

He said her name knowing it’s affect on her.  The intent, as far as he told himself, had merely been to keep her with him longer.  To continue paving the way for her to give him the truth of it all.

Instead she mumbled something and before he could react had set up twisting herself towards him.  It was done so swiftly he did not see anything.  He did not see her bare chest but he certainly felt it now.  The flesh of her breasts pressed into his chest.  The tiniest hint of her nipples amongst all that softness.  

As if entirely separate from the logic of his mind his arms came up to wrap around her.  His head going down to press his cheek against the silkiness of her hair.  They simply set there like that.  For how long he could not be sure.  All he knew was that it was too long for a thing that he should not have allowed to begin with.

He was careful to keep his eyes trained on the space over her shoulder as he pushed her away.  One of his hands went to grab a blanket and he wrapped it around her shoulders being careful not to actually touch her skin again lest he lose himself.  

When he was sure she had covered herself completely he let his eyes go down to her face.  She was nibbling on her lower lip her long lashes hiding the blue of her eyes as she looked down.

Just as he was about to speak her eyes lifted to catch his own and she spoke first, “Why do you not want me?”

The despair in her words made his stomach twist.  How wrong she was.  So very wrong.  He wanted her more than he had ever wanted any woman before her.  It had become an ache in his very bones.

He took a deep shuddering breath.  Just once.  He would say it out loud just once.  Then he would make her forget.  She would not suspect he did it.  When she woke if she could not remember any of this she would simply blame the drink.

He allowed his hand to come up to cup her cheek.  Brushed his thumb against her cheekbone as he spoke, “I want you.  I have envisioned every scenario imaginable of having you.  This was not one of them.  Get rest.  Forget.”

The magic flowed from his hand into her.  He watched her awareness leave her.  Watched as her eyes fluttered closed and caught her when she slumped against him.   He whispered into her hair that he was sorry.

He was sorry for even thinking of tricking her.  Sorry for taking something so pure and trying to twist it.  He would get her to tell him but when the time was right.  No more tricks.  Till she was ready he would simply watch her and make sure nothing got near enough to do any damage.  

Careful not to reveal anything he laid her down on his bed.  He bent down to the floor to collect her top and cloak.  The cloak he wrapped around her tucking her and his blanket into its folds.  The top he folded before placing it on her stomach.  It was dark.  If anyone did see them passing hopefully no one would notice the top.

That done he got one arm under her knees and the other under her upper back as he lifted her against him.  He looked down at her again to make sure she was completely covered before he made his way out his lodging.  Without any hands he used his magic to open and shut the door behind him.

When he got to her cabin he used his magic to unlock her door and let himself in, using his foot to close it quietly behind him.  He took her to her bed then went through the process of rolling her to her stomach before removing the cloak and his blanket.  Being very aware not to let his eyes wander he bundled her in her own furs.

He paused then looking at her sleeping form.  Her lips parted a touch and she gave a small satisfied release of air as she turned onto her back.  It was good he had managed to keep her sound asleep.  

His hand reached forward and he used his fingers to lift a curl that had fallen across her face.  His touch lingering against her cheek once again.  Then unable to resist he bent over and gave her a light kiss on her forehead.

“Son era, my Emma.”

Then he left to go to his own lodging.  As he walked he thought of when he would see her again in the Fade.  She would not remember tonight but he would.  What he had to do was get his emotions in check around her.  Not since his youth had they been so volatile.  

If he wished to truly teach her however he could not allow for emotions to take over.  He did need to teach her.  She was more than capable of caring for herself once she was confident.  He needed her to know that.  Needed her to be able to fight the battles that would be ahead of her.  For as long as she could he needed her to be alright when he could no longer be there.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Son era = sleep well
> 
> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. 
> 
> I got pretty pulled into his head and this ended up being way longer than anticipated. Also sometimes Solas head is a very odd confusing place to be in the wee hours of the night. Ok in any hours. The man is conflicted at the moment.
> 
> Also a shout out to kinako for the discussion we had making me look at this with some new eyes. I made some adjustments and I think it ended up working out more clearly. :)
> 
> Anyways there will be the next update tomorrow as promised.


	38. Impulse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For ease of following along with their uhm... exchange in this chapter I have included the translations for the French and Elvhen in italics within the writing itself. I felt like if I didn't it would take away from the whole thing if people couldn't easily follow along with the conversation.
> 
> Enjoy.
> 
>  _Edit:_ There have been a few changes in this chapter after Kinako was kind enough to point out something to me I hadn't realized before. Just in case anyone was confused on that. :)

The Fade was all wrong.  Everything felt… fuzzy and things tilted oddly.  Not to mention her head felt heavy like she just needed to lie on her back somewhere.  Which was new since the Fade had always been the place she felt she had the clearest head.  It worked to refresh her emotionally, mentally, and physically.  Usually it was better than the waking world not the other way around.

It was difficult to think like this.  She felt as though she were wading through thick fog whenever she tried to think too much.  What she wouldn’t give for her couch back home.  The cozy plush one there parents had gotten her as the ultimate first home gift.  It was a beautiful thing that couch.

The snowy landscape of Haven begin to Fade.  Her mind fought for a moment to catch up but then there it was… her living room.  Her couch.  Her fucking couch.  

All things considered she figured it was about time she got something out of this.  The couch may not seem like much in the grand scheme of things but times like this it really was the little things that counted.

She moved to it letting herself plop down on her back into the plush seating, pushing her head so it was cushioned between the cool soft couch and her pillows.  The throbbing in her head already was starting to clear out.  It would hopefully not be long till her thinking came back to her.  She shut her eyes taking deep even breaths.

A voice in her head spoke, “He’s coming.”

Her eyes fluttered open, “Sherlock?  What are…”  

The fog of her brain cleared even more and she realized what he meant.  Solas.  

_Shit._

As fast as she could she thought of Haven once more.  The shifting of landscape had become easier to her but with her mind the way it was tonight the shift was slow and jarring.  By the time it was complete he was already there frowning at her.

“Hey...”  She waved, “How you doing?”

Solas opened his mouth, closed it, and sighed.  The frown fled his face however so she took that as a good sign.  The world shifted again and they were in the library where she had stumbled upon him after that ‘thing that shall not be spoken of’ happened.

The library was stunning as ever, even in her still mildly foggy state.  Since he brought her here she took that as meaning he wouldn’t mind if she looked at least.  So she went forward her fingers tracing the scroll on the bindings.  

She admired them for a moment longer before she spoke, “These are in Elvhen?”

“Correct.”

So much knowledge.  It was so close to her reach yet she could gain none of it.  She turned to Solas who was already looking on shelves to the other side of her.  He pulled out a book, flipped through it, slid it back into place and continued looking.

“Why did you bring me here?  I mean it is the most glorious place I’ve ever seen but---”

“You exaggerate.”

“No I don’t.  Books are… they are life.  They are knowledge and power and… well… they are a way for us to understand not only the world but our existence in it.  Be it by fact or fable.”

His eyes were doing that piercing thing again.  It must affect her brain more than she thought for suddenly the world tilted once around her before righting itself again.  Her hand went up to her brow as she moaned in irritation.

“You are drunk.  Sit.  It will pass.  Your will controls the Fade.  When your mind is affected so too will the Fade be.” He went back to examining the shelves.

She sighed and walked around the room for the ideal place to settle, “You know my brain is a bit fuzzy but it took you longer to get in the Fade then usual.  Most of the time you’re here before me.”

“I had something to attend to.”

She went to sit in one of the window seats pressing her forehead to the cool glass with a sigh.  As she tried to look she could make out little in the distance, the nearby sloping green hills were the only things that were somewhat clear.  She sighed once more.

“Does the release of air help?”

She turned her head back to the room to watch as Solas brought a stack of books to his desk.  “Yes.”

He didn’t look at her instead pulling out his chair and opening one of the books as he spoke, “I brought you here because this library is extensive.  It may help.  I am not prepared to leave you alone in the Fade at this time.”

She frowned, “I am not completely incapable of caring for myself you know.”

He mumbled so she could barely hear it, “Mar’esaya su esh Breach ma ane.” _Your attempt at the Breach implies otherwise._

That was getting irritating.  The tone was that you would use with child who had got caught in a lie.  Even more annoying that she couldn’t understand and he refused to translate ever.  If she was going to be insulted she should at least be able to fight back.  

She’d had just about enough shit for the day.  Hell she’d had enough shit for a lifetime and now with the warmth of the booze almost completely worn off her emotions were becoming agitated once more.

That was fine.  If he wanted to play that kind of game with her she could give what she got.  Sure that was probably a childish thought but in her mind he was the one being childish.  She was an adult damnit.  She would be treated as such.  Not like he could be that much older than her.

She stood and went over to his desk placing her hands firmly on the surface directly in front of where he was working.  She leaned down so her face was closer to his though he still continued to ignore her.

“Vas te faire enculer, Solas. Tu es un trou du cul.” _Fuck you, Solas. You’re being an asshole._  Her tone was one that allowed little doubt that what she was saying was not complimentary. **** Perhaps it was a bit harsh but not like he could understand her and she’d reached a breaking point.  Something needed to give.

That got his attention.  His eyes snapped up to meet hers and his response was even more clipped than normal, “What?”

“Oh.  Es-tu ennuyé de ne pas comprendre?” _Are you annoyed you can’t understand what I’m saying?_  She straightened making her way around the desk, “Tu as ma pitié, loup.” _You have my pity, wolf._

She rounded the desk so she could see the line of his jaw when he clenched it before he spoke in a low tone, “Not now.”

“Tu ne trouves pas ce coté-ci si amusant? Tu veux que je m’arrête?”   _You do not find this side as fun?  You want me to stop?_  She eased closer to him and let her fingers brush against his back tracing towards the bare skin of neck.  As her fingers touched the warmth of his skin she stopped leaning towards his ear, “C’est dommage.”   _That’s too bad._

Something snapped in him then.  

In retrospect she should have seen it coming by the warning in his voice.  Maybe she did and just didn’t care at that point.  Or maybe some odd little part of her wanted to see him lose it in some form or another, just once.  To know that it was possible for even this man of such control to slip.

Slip he did.

Before she could even register what was happening he had stood grabbing the wrist of the hand she’d been using on his neck.  His grip wasn’t painful but it was firm enough to prevent flight even if she’d had the mind to do attempt it.  Using his momentum he pushed her back.  

She found herself trapped between his body and a bookshelf.  One of his hand’s kept her wrist pinned behind her while the other went to the side of her face, boxing her in.  His body looming over her as the fierceness of him took her breath.

She should have been frightened.  The cord had snapped, she’d pushed too far.  Now more than ever she was reminded that he was powerful and that he was probably holding much of it at bay.  The man practically flowed over with power.  She couldn’t fathom how the others didn’t seem to see it.  

When he spoke his voice was a growl more animalistic than anything else, “Felasil.  I warned you, vara u’em.”   _Fool.  Leave me alone._

She still had no clue what he was saying but the tone suggested more insults and maybe a threat.  Any sane person would back down.  Apologize.  The problem was she didn’t fear him.  Not really.  For whatever reason she knew he would never physically harm her just as sure as she knew she could never do anything to physically harm him.

So instead she met his eyes and growled back, “Vas bouffer ta merde.”   _Eat shit._

He leaned in even closer the hint of his magic tingling her skin, “Dhava ‘ma masa.” _Kiss my ass._

She picked another random French insult to hurl at him, “Va te faire foutre.” _Go get fucked._

Their eyes locked and they stared each other down.  The energy between them sparked and shifted.  She felt it lighting something other than anger though no less potent.  There was a change in his eyes as well.  He looked… hungry.

When he next spoke the rumble of his voice sent a shiver through her body, “Aman ara’mis.” _Let me sheath myself in you._ He continued his growl turned husky, “Isalan hima sa i’na.” _I lust to become one with you._

Why did that sound so familiar to her? She was certain he hadn’t said it before yet…

Still keeping her pinned he moved his face to her neck.  Just a tiny more and his mouth would be against her.  She heard him breathe in deep.  He was smelling her.  Stupid as it was it turned her on more.

Then he continued speaking moving his mouth near her ear, “Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma.”   _I want to cum inside of you until I spill out of you._

Her eyes widened and she felt the pooling of heat in her lower body growing.  She remembered that one.  Those were the words he’d said when she had walked in on him pleasuring himself.  There was no doubt now where this had gone now.  

She should stop.  She should push him off her.

Instead she spoke in a half moan her body trying to press even closer to him, “Ta voix me fait mouiller.”   _Your voice makes me wet._  Her free hand went to his chest wishing she could feel his bare skin under her fingers.

That’s all it took.  In a split second his mouth was on hers.  This was no soft meeting of lips.  It was ravenous, bruising.  Just as quickly as she had wanted to submit she now to be free.  Guilt pooling in her belly twisted together with letting herself be so easily taken.

She pushed on his chest but it seemed to do nothing.  He was too involved in the kiss.  Too solid.  She did the only thing she could think of.  Her hand came up and she slapped him.

The reaction was instant.  He released her wrist and pulled his head back, though his body was still a mere hands width from her.  The fingers that had held tight to her wrist now came up touching his cheek.  She hadn’t meant to hit him that hard but she could see the hint of pink there.

She blanched instantly sorry.  Not only because she still wanted him but because she had helped to start this.  She wanted it and if she had told him no he would have stopped.  Even now she could see the hunger slowly leaving him replaced by something else.  

She didn’t want him to leave her now.  Selfish as it was.  She reached up and placed her fingers over his on his cheek, “Solas.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t---”  Words weren’t there.  Not ones for that.  Only for what she felt deep in her belly,  “J’ai envie de toi.”   _I want you._ Her voice was pleading “I want---”

Before she could finish he snarled and was on her once more.  This time his hand went to the back of her head releasing her bun roughly before knotting his fingers through her curls.  He held her tight to him.  She could taste him on her lips and it made her head spin.  She let her tongue seek his mouth just as he was doing the same.  When they met she let out a strangled moan of desire.

Forgive her.

“Is this what happens before sex?”

The sudden interruption was like having a bucket of ice water thrown on them.  Solas was releasing her and stepping away from her so quickly she almost lost her balance.  Without a word he stormed from the library slamming the door behind him.

There were several minutes of silence.  She looked at the closed door then brought a hand up to her swollen, tender lips.  That had chased the alcohol from her mind at least.

“I interrupted sorry.  It is just odd.  I didn’t know something could hurt but feel good at the same time.”

“It’s alright Sherlock.  You weren’t really…” She let her hand fall to her side and straightened her clothing, “I’m happy to see you.  And no, it isn’t always like that.  It has never…” _been like that for me before.  Never this intense._ “Uhmm yes on occasion pain goes with pleasure.  For some people more than others.”  

“Your one of those?”

“No not… not usually.”

“Is Solas?”

“I’m not sure.”  She worked to keep her voice neutral,  “You’d have to ask him sometime.”

“He liked it.  What you were doing.  He wanted to---”

“Sherlock, would you be interested in another trade.”

His eyes widened, “Oh yes.”

Ah her faithful friend.  Perfectly happy to change the conversation.  Why couldn’t everything be that easy?

“Do you speak Elvhen?”

“Yes.  I also read it.”

“Wonderful, would you---”

She stopped as the door opened revealing Solas. His breathing even and cheek showing no signs of her slap.  A fact she hoped was due to her not having hit him as hard as she feared instead of due to him healing himself.  “I will teach you.  If you will allow.”

“I… yeah that should be… good.  If uhmm if you’re sure?”

“I am.”  He walked over to his desk and placed his hands on the back of his chair but stopped before he pulled it out.  She watched as his long fingers thrummed a few times, “I must apologize the... kiss was impulsive and ill considered.  And I should not have encouraged it.”  

The last part came out in a rush and she raised a brow unable to hide the hint of hurt in her voice as she spoke, “Are you telling me you didn’t like it?”

“Yes.  No.  I… that is not my point.”  He took a deep breath, “I am not certain this is a good idea.  It could lead to trouble.”

His voice almost sounded resigned.  Only then did it hit her just what she had done and all that implied.  Best case she cheated on her husband but hadn’t affected Solas much at all in the big picture.  Worst case she caused two men upset and dug herself an even deeper emotional pit then she was already in with Solas.

“You’re right.  It would definitely lead to trouble.”  She forced a teasing smile, “If it had been serious.  But it was just a kiss.  Spur of the moment.  You said yourself it was impulsive.  Times are emotionally charged right now.  Things can come out in odd ways.  Perhaps that and us simply being curious about each other, about what it would be like is the cause.  Now we know.”

When he spoke again it was barely loud enough for her to hear, “Now we know.”  He pulled out his chair and took a seat once more.  His voice returning to normal volume,  “From now on we will only be…”

He paused seeming to search for the word so she thought to supply it for him, “Friends.”

His eyes went up to her and for a moment she thought he might disagree.  Instead he gave a hint of a nod.

There was no reason to mention they’d had this agreement before.  She’d still ended up pushed between his body and a bookcase.  It was clear her desire for him wouldn’t simply say, ‘Oh ok just friends.  Got it.  We’re all good now.’  So she’d just have to hang on till she could figure this whole thing out and get home.

“You are both strange.”  Sherlock was looking between them his head tilted slightly, “Why would---”

“Sherlock,”  Solas reached for a book on his desk, “Have you noticed anything around her in the Fade?  Anything unusual?”

“Yes.  Always watching.  Waiting.  Curious about her too but in a different way.”

A rock formed in Emma’s stomach.  “Oh good.  I’m getting quite the fanbase.  Maybe I should start charging for autographs.”  She had tried for a joking tone but her voice had cracked ruining some of the affect.

The knowledge that she was being constantly watched… she’d expected it in the back of her mind after the whole incident at the Breach but to have it confirmed.  Not only confirmed but confirmed as though it was just a fact of life.

“Is he watching now?”

“She.  She sometimes watches when she thinks you won’t know.  She will stay away when you are near now that you are aware of her.”  His eyes flicked to Emma, “She asks me about you but I kept my deal with you.  She offered lots of new information in exchange but you are far more curious than anything.  I like you most.  I said no.  Always no.”

Solas’ eyes sharpened on Sherlock, “You know who this entity is?”

Sherlock nodded smiling, “Yes.  The---.”  His head flinched back, his smile falling and eyes going cloudy, “Oh…”

Immediate panic hit her and she was next to him in a second.  She placed her hands on each side of his face trying to bring his eyes back.  Her fingers caressing his skin as a mother would a scared child.

“Sherlock.  Are you ok?  Sherlock, please answer me.”  When he didn’t respond she turned wide eyes to Solas, “What’s happening!?  Is this because of me?”

Solas was frowning the last sentence seeming to bring him back from deep thought, “The entity has erased his knowledge of her.  Give him a moment.”

As though on cue Sherlock stirred in her hands, “It’s gone.  You have very long fingers.  I like it but why are you touching my face?”

There was still a lingering heaviness to her stomach.  When she turned back to him she examined his eyes closely making sure they were normal again.  “Are you ok?”

“Yes.”  He blinked, “Are you going to slap me too?”

There was a strangled sound behind her something between a cough and a chuckle.  The heat that flooded her cheeks once again was immediate.  She pulled her hands away quickly and shook her head., “No I’m not going to slap you.  I was just worried.  You’re sure you’re ok?”

“I’m good but what was I talking about?”

“Nothing.”  She glanced at Solas and he acknowledged her look with another small nod before going back to looking at his books, “It was nothing at all.  Just… just be careful ok.  Don’t go digging anywhere for my sake that you shouldn’t be digging around in.”

He tilted his head, “Why would I dig?  Do you need to bury something?”

“No not literally… what I mean is don’t get all curious about dangerous things because you think it will help me, ok?”

“Ok,” He smiled, “You are interesting enough.  I don’t need to dig any holes.”  He smiled proud to have used her term.  She didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t exactly correct, not that it mattered anyways.

She would miss him when she was gone.  With a swift motion she moved to take his head one last time giving him a peck on the forehead, “Good.”

“M'en enseigneras-tu plus?” _Will you teach me more?_

“Très bien!  Oui, je vais t’apprendre plus.” _Very good.  Yes, I will teach you more._ She started walking back to the window seat motioning for him to follow, “Is there something specific you’d like to learn next?”

As they were passing his desk Solas spoke, “Will you teach me?”

“Teach you?”  With everything that had happened it took her a few moments to realize what he meant, “Ooohh teach you French?  Bien sûr.  Of course.  Now that you have finally agreed to teach me Elvhen we have a fair trade.”  She gave him a lopsided grin, “When would you like to start that?”

“Not now.  We will fit it in when the time is available.  Same for Elvhen.  There are more pressing matters at the moment.”  He frowned down at the books in front of him. “Namely how to track the entity that spoke to you.  You are sure there is nothing else in regard to that?”

“Not that would be relevant to the entity.”

His eyes came back up to her face at that, “Perhaps I should decide what is relevant.”

“I was cold.  I had trouble moving my fingers more than a twitch.”  She forced a shrug hoping it was convincing, “Little things.”

“Most likely the fog the entity used.”  He turned his attention back to the book.

She took that as a dismissal and went back to her spot next to the window.  She set cross legged with Sherlock doing the same on the other side of the bench.  With that she started a quiet conversation with him in French careful to still stick to mostly basics, occasionally tossing in more difficult things.  He was a quick learner.  No surprise there.

The view was beautiful.  Sherlock’s company was welcome as ever and it was pleasant to be able to focus on something she was actually confident in.  Still neither did anything to distract her from the memory of what had happened between Solas and herself.  She kept finding her fingers touching her tender lips lightly.  It was like she was trying to secure the memory of him.

She was doomed.  A horrible awful person who was doomed to pine after some man who was, quite literally, from a fantasy world.  Maybe it would be better if she _did_ forget all this when she returned home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off the Elvhen was difficult. That first one with his comment about the Breach was the hardest so if you all have more knowledge and know a more proper way of saying it do not hesitate to tell me. Also my French is rusty so if I did something weird there feel free to correct that also.
> 
> Second, I would like to make a quick disclaimer at the end of this chapter. For those of you who are excited about the idea of a more aggressive Solas like this I'm sorry to disappoint but this will not be his only or main course through the story. Though there will definitely be moments where he comes out as more possessive, aggressive, dominant, or whatever you want to call it in behavior or in the sheets it will not be all the time. So sorry if you were hoping that was where it would go and if you were not hoping for that then, cool *thumbs up* 
> 
> I just thought I would disclaimer that so no one got disappointed when it did not become a more continual or constant theme. Though again there will be peppering of it cuz flavor and cuz Solas. At least how I see him would have some tendency towards that on occasion.
> 
> If you are looking for story where that Solas is more of a main story theme aspect may I recommend checking out [Yes, Fen'harel](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4877617/chapters/11182765) hopefully along with continuing with Emma and Solas *wink*. But that one is a really wonderfully done BDSM one which is saying a lot coming from me because usually that is not my thing. Another reason this story will not be one with BDSM as a main thing since I don't have the knowledge of it to feel comfortable writing it that much.
> 
> And there I go babbling again.
> 
> Anyways sorry for these two. They once again did this in a way I had not planned for them to. I do promise they will kiss as they are _supposed_ to. The brats are just being stubborn.


	39. Concerning Snowballs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a lighter mood in this chapter after the previous ones. Also, sorry. I'm sure some of you were hoping for a Solas POV on the previous chapter. There will be a POV from him this Wednesday that will address his feelings in regards to that whole incident though it won't be the full focus.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this bit of lighter fun :D

The next morning she woke topless and neatly tucked under her furs.  How exactly she had made it to her bed, and why her top was off, she had no clue.  Last thing she remembered outside of the Fade was a conversation with Sera about how weird the Breach was and something about shooting it with an arrow.  Or she thought.  Honestly, the whole night was a bit fuzzy.

Except for everything that had happened in the Fade.  That was disturbingly clear in her mind.  Her fingers went up to her lips once more.  Her eyes caught on the blue hoody folded neatly on her bed-stand.  A stab of guilt went through her.

She balled her hand into a fist, the nails making little half moons in her palm, “Stop this now.  It’s gone well past what it should.  Just friends.  You are just friends.”

She  hurried to do a quick wash in her basin before dressing and heading to the tavern for breakfast.  Though she was up fairly early, the bustle of soldiers started as soon as the first ray of light shone on the snow.  By the time she had made her way to the Singing Maiden, the sun had already made itself known and training had started.

As a result she set in silence eating her porridge.  Though in truth, it was more of pushing the porridge around between actual bites while she stared into the bowl going over that one moment with Solas.  That one vicious animalistic loss of control.  On both their parts.  Her need for him had been---

She stabbed at the mushy food with her spoon.  There was no room for this idiocy.  

“What’d the porridge do to you now, Sissy?”  Ivy set her bowl down with a soft thunk and winced, “My head.  Why is everything so loud…”  

She looked up to find Ivy sitting down across from her with her own bowl of porridge.

“Ugh, right? Loud buggers.”  Sera scooted in next to her also with porridge bowl in hand.  She set it gingerly on the table picking up her spoon to start shoveling the contents in.

She looked from one to the other, “Hangovers?”

“Yes.” Ivy responded rubbing her brow.  “It’s really---”

“Ugh stop talking.”  Sera shoveled in a mouthful of food.

“Bad.”  Ivy paused her head rubbing to look at Emma, “Don’t you?”

Sera did her snort giggle, “Yeah you were pretty shite faced last---.”  Someone walked in allowing a burst of light into the tavern. “Nature shite balls.  Close the door.  Sun. Ugh.”

Emma held back a laugh and shrugged, “I think Solas did something to help it.”   _Or just something about being in the Fade regardless of him being there with her._  Too late she realized what she said.  Both women turned their attention fully on her and she took a heaping spoonful of porridge into her mouth.

Perhaps it would have been better if she had said the Fade bit out loud and the Solas bit in her head.  Too late now.

Ivy’s eyes went wide, “He can do that?  Wait… you went to him drunk off your ass last night?”

Emma mumbled nonsense around her mouthful of porridge.

“So you and elfy?  Didn’t think he had it in him to go not… elfy.”

“Oooohhhh you finally did it.  Was it good?  Was I right? Is he---”

Now she worked to swallow, waving her spoon at Ivy to stop while she did so.  When she’d gotten the food down she spoke, “I’ve told you it isn’t like that.”

“Your lips say otherwise.”

She flushed her fingers immediately going up in fear that her lips were still bruised and swollen from his treatment of them. “My…” Too late she realized her mistake.

Ivy’s grin was so large Emma was surprised her face didn’t split.  “Andraste’s tits.  You _did_ do it!”

“No.  Nothing---”

Sera snickered, “Even though you’re not all elfy.  I bet he still yells out elven glory when he does it.”

“Only on special occasions.”  Solas stood behind her with a bowl of porridge.

_Oh… this was not happening.  Not happening.  Shoulda stayed in bed.  Breakfast isn’t such a big thing.  Shoulda just not done… this… ugh._

“Pfffttt.  It has humor!  Let’s try this,”  She got another spoonful of porridge, “Solas, droopy-ears says what?”

He paused, “Excuse me?”

“Ugh. I take it back.  No fun this one.”

Sera took the huge spoonful into her mouth chewing with gusto.  For her part Emma bent down her head, now intense on the eating and examination of her porridge.  

Solas watched Sera for a moment before he cleared his throat and shifted his attention to Emma, “I would like to resume lessons, Vher.”

The use of the new term earned a questioning look from Ivy.  “What’s this now?  Did the pet name come before or after the kiss?”

A flash of emotion passed over Solas’ face as he looked at her but was gone before she could get a decent read on him.

She turned her eyes back to Ivy, “Before, since there was no kiss.” _Not in the waking world at least._ Her attention shifted back to Solas once more, “You’re sure you have the time?”

“If I did not I would not suggest it.  When you are done here you may--”

“I’ll meet you out where we used to train.”

“Would it not make---”

“It works best for me to meet you there.   _Not_ at your lodging.”  She turned from him then to find Ivy looking from one to the other amusement plain as day on her face.  “What?”

“You haven’t even fucked yet and you’re like a damn married couple.”

Sera spoke then, once more around a mouthful of food, “They’re lying.  Totally banging bits they are.  Pwhoar.”

“Think what you will, Sera. It is clear I am not here for you.”

His words sent her heart speeding.  This in turn sent a surge of discomfort through her that she’d have yet another potent reaction from something so simple with him, “Can we just---”

Sera let out a huge belch before following it with a guffaw of laughter, “Hey elfy, how do you say excuse me in elven or whatever?”

“For you, it would be ‘ara seranna-ma.’ It is a coincidence that your name is within, the base form is common.”

“Thanks!” Sera turned back to finish off the last spoonful of food, “Now when I don’t say it, you’ll know it’s on purpose.”

Emma couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her lips before she cleared her throat batting it down once more.  Ivy meanwhile was simply enjoying the show.

Solas took a sigh, “As intriguing as this conversation has become I will take my leave.”  

The moment she no longer felt his presence she slumped, her head hitting the table.  “I feel like I’m in highschool again.”

Ivy tapped Emma on the head, “What’s high school?  Is that some kind of apostate training thing or something?”

Sera scooted away from her on the bench, “Hold up.  You’re a mage thingey.”

“No it isn’t an apostate training whatever.”  Emma turned her head so she could look at Sera, “And yes, apparently.”

“You don’t act like it.”

“I’m fairly new to it,”  She set up stretching out her neck, “You know a lot of mages, Sera?”

“Sure.  A couple.  They’re all right.  A bit weird.”

Emma burst into laughter at that, “And I’m not weird?”

Sera shrugged, “Well now I think you are.”  She reached out patting her on the back, “It’s alright though innit?  You just be careful when you’re tossing all that shite around, yeah?”  

“Same as I assume you’ll be careful not to shoot me in the ass with an arrow.”

“I’ll shoot you with three in the arse if you hit me with magic.”

She shrugged, “Fair enough.”

“Ah good to see my team bonding.”  Ivy stood and cracked her knuckles, “Welp now that I’m, mostly, over the hangover time to go get a different kind of headache at the Chantry.”

Emma stood, “Inquisition business?”

“Always,” She rolled her eyes, “Hey Sera, you wanna do that thing we talked about after I get done?”

“The one with the lard or the one with the nugs?”

“Hmmmm me thinks it’ll be the nugs this time.”

Sera let out a whooping laugh, “Brilliant.”

Emma looked between them both, “What are you…”  she shook her head, “Nevermind.  I don’t wanna know.”

“What are you going to do with old man winter out there?” Ivy wiggled her eyebrows in that over the top ridiculous fashion of hers.

Finally she’d been pushed too far, “You know what?  We are going to fuck.  Right there in the ice cold snow.  We’re gonna go at it like animals because freezing your tits off is always a fun addition to any hot sex life.”

“Pwhoar! But also ewwww.  Now I’m picturing _him_ doing… things… all pale and scraggly”  Sera shook her head hard, “Ewwww ewwww.”

The words were out before she could stop them, “He is no paler than me and he is definitely not scraggly.”

“What’s that now about not bangin’ bits?”

Ivy shook her head, “Nah.  Tensions still there.  They haven’t banged yet.”

“Then how’s she know about---”

Emma scowled and threw her hands up, “I’m done.  Think what you want.”

Ivy laughed coming over and yanking Emma into a hug, “Ah come on Sissy.  We’re only teasing because we love you.  And you really do need to bang already.”  That made Emma struggle to free herself so Ivy hugged her tighter, “Sorry sorry really we’ll stop.”

When she was finally released she straightened her clothing looking at the two of them. “Sure you will.  When pigs fly.”

“We will for today.”  Sera came up to her and tugged playfully on one of the curls hanging against Emma’s cheek, “I like you Torchey.  If ya are ever interested I’ll teach you how to fight proper.  With arrows.”

_Torchey? At the rate I’m gaining nicknames I’m going to have to make a list to keep track of them all._

In retrospect it was probably a blessing in disguise.  She had started thinking of herself as Emma again since the slip with Solas.  Something that risked solidifying this world and it’s people even more to her.  A fact she couldn’t afford to think about too much at the moment so instead she turned her attention back to Sera’s offer.  

“That actually sounds like it could be really fun.  Thanks, Sera.”

Sera waved her off, “I’m going to shoot stuff now.  Get those images out of my head.”  She gave a shiver of disgust and headed out of the tavern.

Ivy watched her go, or rather, watched her ass go.  It seemed that it wasn’t just Emma who was infatuated with one of the group.  She smiled at Ivy, “Good looking one isn’t she?”

“I’ll say.  Fun too.  Makes me forget some of all this Herald shit I’ve gotten myself into.”  She looked down at Emma nudging her playfully, “Why you jealous?”

“Ewww no.  You’re my sister after all.  I don’t see you like that.”  Then she gave a lopsided grin, “And as for being jealous of you trying to get with Sera… I’ve got my own pain in the ass to deal with.  Don’t need another.”

She laughed then bent down lowering her voice, “So you admit that you have it for him finally.”

Emma shrugged, “You already knew it.  Not like me saying it is gonna do anything.”

“Yes but I didn’t realize _you_ knew it.”  She wrapped an arm around Emma’s shoulders walking out of the tavern with her, “Next question, if you know it why haven’t you just gone at it yet?  You’re obviously both in it.  So why?”

“It’s… complicated.”

They got outside and Ivy released her so they could go their separate ways.  When Ivy spoke next her tone was no longer it’s usual playful lilt. “In all seriousness, this world is fucked.  You could die today or tomorrow or… well point is with everything going on maybe you should uncomplicate it.  Just a thought.”  Ivy started in the direction of the Chantry giving Emma a wave, “Anyways, see you later.  Wish me luck.”

Emma watched her go before turning to go out of Haven mumbling, “Uncomplicate it.  If it were _that_ easy it wouldn’t actually be complicated.”

As she started out of Haven she pulled her hood up and ducked her head.  She’d had enough conversations for a while.  She just wanted to get out on her own for a bit.  Recharge.  If she was lucky Solas would take a while eating his breakfast.

Once she arrived at the tucked away area they had used for practice in the past, she paused looking around.  It would be nice to have something easy to keep her mind occupied.  Something just for fun.

She peeled off one of her gloves reaching down to pick up a handful of snow.  It didn’t feel too icey.  She patted it into a round shape seeing how well it held together.  Not perfect but not awful either.  She let the snow drop out of her hand.  Her eyes took in the area around her looking for the perfect spot as she slipped back on her glove.

It took her a bit to find a flat enough space.  Even then she had to stomp around the area some to make it more suitable to her needs.  With all the prep done she got down to work.  In no time she became absorbed.  Her mind only focusing on how to make that perfect snow art.

Time passed by her.  When she’d finished the only indicator that she’d been out a while was the numbness of her nose.  She took a step back tilting her head to look over her work.  Just a bit more left to do.  With her thumbs she pressed two dents for the eyes and one for the nose.

“Well Lady Snowbear, you don’t look half bad.  Though I wish you had better eyes and definitely something for your nose.”

“Small rocks perhaps.”

“Yeah that could--”  She spun around to find Solas leaning on his staff watching her with that soft amused smile of his, “How long have you been there?”

“A while.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

He chuckled, “You seemed enthralled with your work.”  moving towards her and her creation he continued, “I was curious.”

She stopped fiddling with the ears and took a step back, putting distance between her and Solas, “It’s a snowbear.”

“You said Lady Snowbear.  I was not aware snow had gender.”

“Snow creatures do.  Not snow in general of course.”  She couldn’t help the half grin that appeared on her face, “When in doubt you know how you can tell the gender?”  

“Do I wish to know?”

Her grin grew, “Snowballs.”

“Of course.  How ignorant of me.”

“Truly it was.”  She shook her head with an exaggerated sigh, “I expected more from you, mon loup.”

His attention went from the snowbear back to her he sounded out her last words as though he were tasting the feel of them, “Mon loup?”

“Not bad pronunciation for your first time.”  At his look she shrugged, “What you can have a nickname for me in your other language but I can’t have one for you in mine?”

His expression went soft.  The smile on his face warm enough to make it so she completely forgot the cold she was surrounded by.

“That depends.”

“On?”

“Meaning.”

“Fair enough.  I did say I’d teach you so,” She shrugged, “Loup is wolf.”

The smile fell slightly, “Ah. And mon?”

When she spoke it was under her breath, “My.”

“Pardon?”

She sighed, “Mon is my.  Mon loup is my wolf.”

Now he was smirking, “ _Your_ wolf.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”  He kept smirking at her and she frowned, “Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Your face.”

He stepped closer to her, still with that stupid smirk on his lips, “I do not know what you mean.”  She took a step back her heart pounding.  He took a larger step forward moving nearer.

Her eyes went to the ground trying to think of a way to reroute the conversation.  They landed on the test snowball she’d dropped earlier.  In one swift movement she picked up and hurled it at him.  It hit him square in the chest with a smack.  

He stopped dead the smirk slipping.  His head tilted down to look at the specks of snow still clinging to the center of his chest.  When he looked back up at her she blanched.  The smirk was now pure mischievous evil.  She felt the tickle of his magic.  Her muscles prepared to run.

Then a huge amount of snow was dumped unceremoniously on top of her head.  Solas’ grin broadened.

She lifted her hands brushing the little piles of snow off her head and shoulders, “Cheating cheater that cheats.”

He chuckled, “Redundant.  Also not a fair assumption.  I was not even aware we were having a battle when you hit me.  Underhanded, my Emma.  I was simply returning the favor.”

Her belly fluttered at his addition of my in front of her name.  However, she would _not_ play along with his teasing, not this time.  Instead, she’d put him in his place.

“Fine. It’s on.”  With that she took off, scooping up a bit of snow as she ran to duck for cover behind a tree.  “No magic.  You’ll have to use your other skills.”

He spoke loudly, “I do not recall declaring war.”  There was a smack as a snowball hit the tree she hid behind.  “If you wanted to play with balls there are more… pleasurable ways to do so.”

She quickly leaned out from behind the tree throwing a snowball at him before she ducked back behind.  “In your dreams.”

Another chuckle, “You know as well as I that can easily be done.  Also, you missed.  Perhaps you need lessons on the proper technique.”

_Cheeky bastard._

“Oh and you think you have what it takes to teach me then?” She worked to make a new snowball.  This one she wanted to be larger.  He needed to feel it. “You honestly think you can handle me?”

Satisfied with the size she shot out from behind the tree.  She immediately fell into a throwing stance prepared to hurl it at him but froze as she looked at the bare area in front of her.  Too late she realized what was happening.

She felt the back of her shirt tugged before icy coldness was trailing its way down her back.  With a squeal of distaste she squirmed as the snow melted leaving a trail of cold water down her back.  

A chuckle sounded near her ear, “I do.”

Now he’d done it.

She moved swiftly her leg kicking behind to hook his.  While she turned she pulled it knocking him off his feet.  In the same motion she came down on top of him pinning him with her thighs.  Her legs on each side of his hips as her hands went flat on his chest using her weight to hold him down there also.

She knew those self defense classes in high school would come in handy for something.

“Now you pay.”  

Before he could reply her hands went to his sides, fingers searching out his ribs and stomach.  He fought to hold back but it was useless.  Laughter began to rumble forth sending delicious vibrations through her.  It had started as pay back but she’d be lying if she said the sound wasn’t beautiful to her.

He tried to grab at her wrists speaking breathless between laughs, “Stop.”  It was hard to sound serious when one was laughing but he certainly tried. “You need-- stop this.”  She shifted her body to get a better hold on him.  Suddenly the tone changed, “Emma enough.”

In a flash his hands were on her.  With a speed she hadn’t expected he managed to throw her flipping them so he was on top of her.  They were close together, her knees bent and still resting on either side of him.  Now that she was no longer focused on her attack she could feel him where he pressed against her.  

_Oh._

She swore the heat that the feel of him sent through her should have melted all the snow within a mile of where he had her pressed down.  There was a beat where his eyes took in her face.  Then he shifted and was off of her.  

He stood and offered his hand to her, “Stalemate?”

She took it allowing him to help her up.  The moment she was standing she released his hand and brushed at her clothing. “Hardly.  You won.”

When he spoke it was so quiet she could barely hear it, “I am not so sure.”  Then he went to pick up his staff from where he’d leaned it against a large rock as he spoke louder, “We have wasted enough time.”  He flexed his wrist before squaring his footing, “Offensive techniques.”

Just like that he was all business.  The lesson was a draining one too.  He pushed her hard.  Though in the end he did give her some praise on how she had improved.  Which made her swell with pride.  

By the time they separated she was too tired to have her dinner at the tavern.  Instead she went in just long enough to pick up some food and was given a sandwich.  Luckily it was still early for others to be there so she was able to be in and out quickly.

She went to her lodging with her meal and set it to the side for later.  At least now she wouldn’t have to go anywhere again.  Grabbing her notebook she sorted through the books she had and found one on the Fade.  As expected it offered nothing.  Everything in it she knew already and even some things she knew to be untrue.  As the last rays of light started to leave her room she plopped back on her bed.

This was going to be harder than she thought.


	40. Solas - Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so... two chapters in one day. I know I know... I have a problem. This won't be a regular thing, probably won't happen again unless it is a mini-chapter or something ;). Just sharing this with you makes me happy. Plus part if it goes with the chapter Impulse from last week so.... Also I'm considerably ahead chapter wise so this one has been sitting waiting to be read for several weeks now, so why not? 
> 
> Enjoy the Solas POV :)

Since finding Emma at the Breach it seemed to him his actions towards her had been one ill conceived event after the next.  He had almost lost her.  He could no longer deny that the thought had been enough to bring him a level of distress that was most unexpected.  

It had thrown him.  It seemed that he had still been unable to regain his balance.  

He also had not touched or been touched, much less intimately, in a very long time.  This was something he had accepted.  Something he had thought was no longer anything he had even missed or desired.  He had been wrong.

Though he admitted the reasons that likely lead up to the incident, they were no excuse.  There could be no excuse for how he had behaved towards her in the Fade.  That momentary loss of all reason.

If not for Sherlock’s interruption he had little doubt it would have gone further.   Gone to a place that he could not go.  A place that, even if he could go there, he would not wish it done in _that_ way.   

After much thought he considered that perhaps he had not established enough of a plan.  If he established one with set rules for himself about how things needed to go then surely it would work better.  Strategy was something he had always excelled at.  This was simply another side of the same coin.

Step one would be to teach her magical techniques and grow her confidence in her magic use.  She was intelligent.  Quick to grasp concepts.  Her magic was powerful and had a connection to the Fade to rival his own.  She would no doubt excel after a short period which would then allow him to refocus on other things.

Step two was more complex.  He had some of her trust but not enough to get her to open up to him.  He had no desire to trick her into telling him.  Even if he wished to, in a sober state any attempt would likely be caught.  Instead he would find another way.

He had to truly establish the extent of the danger.  Had to get her to understand that, in order to help her, she needed to tell him the truth.  She was stubborn but she was also logical.  If he could plea his case to that side of her personality it was possible it would over ride her stubborn streak.

It should have all worked perfectly.  He had sought her out at breakfast to request that she begin lessons with him once more.  The Herald and Sera were teasing her when he had arrived.  He had handled the situation well enough.  

He had even managed to remain mostly unaffected by a comment from the Herald that suggested Emma might have discussed the kiss.  Not in its exact context of course but the fact that she might have shared it both made him nervous and pleased.  Both emotions he had quickly tucked away.

By all rights he felt confident he had regained control of the situation.  He was confident in his course of action.  Sure of the steps he would take.  Comfortable that the result would be agreeable.  

Things had not gone to plan.  

His first mistake, snowbear.  

When he walked up he should have interrupted.  He had not.  Instead he watched with amused interest as she worked.  Watched as her long fingers moulded the snow.  Watched as she flitted about in total concentration.  When she got particularly intent on a certain aspect her tongue would peak out of the side of her mouth as she worked on the issue.  Every movement.  Every humm of satisfaction or huff of displeasure, enthralled him.

Once the snow began to take the form of a bear his amusement grew.  By the time she spoke to her bear creation he could not help replying to her.  Teasing her.  Being near her.  All previous thoughts of plans fled his mind quicker than he cared to admit.

If there had been any lingering thoughts to continue trying to be distant but kind, they too had fled when she had nicknamed him.  Another thing he should not allow.  Especially _that_ nickname.  Yet… the thought of her calling him _her_ wolf.  It had made an electrical current weave it’s way through his senses.

That was the second mistake.

The final mistake had been mostly due to underestimation.  He was not even sure why he had continued with the snow fight in the first place.  As seemed to happen with her, he forgot himself.  

How could he have foreseen the consequence?  That she would be able to throw him off.  To pin herself on top of him.  It should not have been able to happen but it had.

He remembered the curls that had fallen loose of her bun, framing her face as she focused on finding his most ticklish spots.  How his fingers twitched to reach up and pull her hair free.   Have it fall like a curtain around him.  Have the silkiness of it against his skin.

Even as he choked back laughter from the movement of her fingers he thought how they had too much between them.  Too much space.  Too much clothing.  Too many complications.  Then when she shifted against his already aroused member he had just managed enough sense to realize he needed her off of him.  If not he would take her right there in the soft snow.

After the lesson he had gone to his lodging.  He had done the thing he swore never to again.  This time secure behind locked door.  This time he had not needed a drawing.  She was burned into his mind.  The ghost of the feeling of her against him still lingering clear enough for him to draw from.

The intent had been to release it.  To be able to focus on research in the Fade.  The intent had failed.

Now as he set frowning down at the book in front of him he could sense her every movement.  She was restless tonight.  Pacing about the room like a trapped animal.  Though he had lost his sexual need he was no less attuned to her.  It was most inconvenient.

His eyes came up and he watched her move from one part of the library to another.  Sherlock following close on her heels trying to mimic her walk.  He did not have the hips for it.  Her hips were---

He forced the thought away as he asked, “What is wrong?”

“Nothing.”  

“You should never gamble.”

That got her to pause finally her brows furrowing, “I’m aware of that.”  She sighed, paused, “I just feel…”  She nibbled her bottom lip searching for the word, “useless.”  She gestured towards the books on his desk before pacing once more, “It’s _my_ problem.  I should be looking for a solution too.  I tried you know.  But the books on the Fade at Haven are useless.  I learned nothing.  Actually nothing is being generous.  There were several blatant falsehoods in what books I did find.”

“Unsurprising.”  His eyes followed her as she moved,  “It is no fault of yours you do not read Elvhen.”

She shifted her route so that she came to stand in front of her desk, “I know that.  Couldn’t you teach me now?  Then I can help.”

“Emma--"

“Solas.”

He frowned at the interruption, “It would take time to teach you.  As you stated yourself books that could help are limited outside of the Fade.  I must take advantage of time here.”

“Find time to teach me outside of the Fade then.”

“There are not Elvhen books outside of the Fade.”

Something in his tone must have caught her interest because she tilted her head, “None?”

“There are possibly a few scattered remnants.  I have heard there are a few circles that have obtained texts.  Some of the Dalish.”

“I understand why you would not want to venture to the circles, but would the Dalish not share theirs?”

He could not help the bitterness that stole through him, “Because of my ears?”

She frowned, “I didn’t---”

“I am not Dalish.  They are not welcoming to those outside of their own.  Close-minded and arrogant as they are.”

“I hadn’t meant---”  She shook her head dismissing it for now.  

He could see her making a mental note for later questions.  As was her nature.  His eyes flitted to Sherlock still staying close to her.  A visual confirmation of the depth of her curiousity.

“You can create things in the Fade right?  I mean besides a change of clothing or shift in location.”

“To an extent.  It is better to observe.  Things are too easily corrupted.  Spirits changed by accident.  Despite intent.”

“If I created something here, like I dunno… something could it hurt a spirit?  The Fade itself?  Could you create a book with translations for me?”

“Here is separate.  In a sense.”  He paused trying to think of the best way to explain without revealing too much, “This is a place of mine.  Spirits do not wander here on their own.  Therefore it is relatively safe to not only research amongst these books but for me to practice my magic.  If you wished to practice shaping the Fade, this would be the place for it.”  He anticipated her next question, “Yes.  The clothing shifts had some risk but it was minor.  If spirits had been near I would have stopped you.  In regards to the books no.  That would be too complex for me to simply create from nothing.  I would need to translate by hand.”

She pondered this, her pointer finger coming up to brush against her lower lip before she bit the knuckle.  He forced his eyes back to the book.

“If spirits don’t come here why is Sherlock here?”

Keeping his attention down he responded, “Sherlock came because you.  He has bonded.”

“Why?”

Sherlock responded before Solas could, “Because you are as I am.  Full of questions.  Always looking.  Learning.  Trying to discover.  You are also new.  Not like anything else here.”

He heard her humm in the back of her throat as she thought before speaking more to herself than him,  “Soooo it’s kinda like imprinting?  At least in some form.”  Then she spoke louder, “Does it happen often?”

“No.  It is rare.  More so given that he is a spirit of curiosity.  Certain spirits are more easily corrupted now.  Thus they cease to be what was their original intent.  Curiosity is one such spirit.”

When she spoke her voice held a great deal of genuine concern, “Could I accidently hurt Sherlock?”

The chuckle was one he couldn’t hold back as his eyes found her once more, “With you, that is highly unlikely.  I believe you are even more curious than he.”

Sherlock chimed in his voice confused, “You would not hurt me.  You are my friend.”  

“Never on purpose.”  She wrapped the spirit in a hug,  “But please be careful Sherlock.  Of others and of me.”

“I will be careful.”

She pulled from the hug letting her hand brush through Sherlock’s hair once before stepping back.  

Solas had to school his face as a twinge far too close to jealousy was felt in his gut.  Not that he thought she was romantic with Sherlock.  It was far worse.  He simply wanted her touch on himself.  Platonic or otherwise.

“I--”  The familiar calling shot through him and he froze.  Why would _she_ call to him now?  She had been intent on not meeting.  Not drawing attention.  

Emma’s voice broke through his thoughts, “Solas?”  Her bright blue eyes were focused on him.  The concern so evident on her face causing his heart to skip.  

“I apologize.” He hesitated.  For a split second he thought of staying here with her but dismissed it.  Ridiculous to even think of doing it.  “I forgot there is something I must attend to.”  

“Is something wrong?”

“No,”  Before he thought better of it he stood going over to her.  “It is nothing.”  His eyes went to her hair, perpetually wild no matter how she wore it.  He reached up carefully tucking one of her russet curls behind her ear.  She startled, a crimson bloom rising to her cheeks but she didn’t jerk away from him.  “Stay here.  Please.  You will be safe.”  He let his hand drop.

She opened her mouth, closed it, swallowed and when she did speak her voice was quiet, “Alright.”

“I will return soon, Emma.”

She nodded and with that he left her in Sherlock’s care.  If anything else entered his area of the Fade he would know it instantly.  She was safe.  But it was still annoyingly hard to leave her.  Especially when the whole situation clearly worried her.  He had little choice however.

The moment he entered the area of the Fade he had been summoned to he moved his thoughts to the matter at hand.  The woman who had summoned him watched as he walked towards her.  Not as Flemmeth but as he had known her before.  Blonde, tall, elegantly formed, and the perfect feminine features schooled into a serene expression.  Stunning as ever.

“Mythal.”

“Hello, old friend.”  She smiled, “It is not like you to stay so long in one area of the Fade.  I was concerned.”

“I apologize I caused you concern.  It is nothing.”

“A dreamer is many things.  Nothing is not one of them.”

He should have expected this in truth.  Though he had simply assumed that Emma was beneath her notice.  With how much time he had spent with her and with her being a dreamer, of course Mythal made note.

“I am protecting her for now.  There is a being that is trying to possess her in some form.  She is a powerful asset and growing more so as she gains strength.  I would not want to see her in the wrong hands.”  

A knowing smile crossed Mythal’s lips, “I can guess whose hands you would like her in.”

“It is…” The denial halted before it passed his lips.  She would know.  She knew him.  There was no use trying to deny it.  “It is a passing infatuation.  I will not allow it to distract me from what must be done.”

“Oh I have no doubt you will do what must be done, old friend.”  Her smile remained but her voice turned less warm, “I will see if I can find this being.  I still have some eyes and ears after all.  If I do I will kill them.  As a token of our long friendship.  You need no longer worry yourself with it.”

Why would she concern herself with such a thing?  He was no fool when it came to Mythal.  It was unlikely she would offer such a thing with no benefit to her.  Perhaps in the past it would have been a bit more likely, now it was not at all such.  

He chose his words carefully, “I would not trouble you with it.”

“As you said, the girl is powerful.  A dreamer in this age is a treasure and a danger.  Humans are such weak little things.  I doubt it would take much for someone powerful to overtake her.  Should she be turned into a weapon against you it would also be against me.  There are enough complications as is.”

Though there was still a small sense of hesitation in his gut her explanation was adequate.  He did not see any benefit to correcting her on her assumption that Emma was weak, easily possessed.  Instead he would go along with this.  She had more freedom of movement than he did.  It would not only be easier for her to hunt the being, but it would also allow him to shift his focus back where it should be.

“Thank you.  I do have one request.”  He could not contain the venom of his next words, “I would kill her myself.”

Mythal’s smile widened showing gleaming white teeth, “A passing infatuation is it?  As you wish.”  She turned from him looking over her shoulder, “Come walk with me.  We should talk.”  He followed her without argument.  

They talked for some time.  She gave him information that she had been able to gather from her position.  In return he gave her what he could about the Inquisition and it’s progress.  The whole thing took longer than expected.  

He found himself relieved when she dismissed him.  Eager to be back and check on the girl.  Though logic told him he would know if anything had occurred.

When he arrived he found the library empty.  Panic mixed with anger inside of him.  Had she left?  She said she would not but the girl was prone to stubbornness.  He had little doubt if she was restless enough she would have ignored the earlier agreement.  

He took several deep breathes.  Thinking of the air around him.  The feel of the floor beneath his feet.  Calming his senses.  

When he had achieved that he sensed her almost instantly.  She was still here.  Just not in this room.  She must have gone exploring with Sherlock around the home.  Again something he should have expected.  Nosy thing she was.

It still should have made him upset.  This was his space.  He could not remember the last time someone, spirit or otherwise, had entered before he had brought her here.  Yet he could not muster it.  If anything he was amused.  The idea of her wanting to know his home better, showing interest in it, was a pleasant one.

He reached out for her magic.  It was, once more, difficult for him not to unleash his own.  Her magic called to his.  A sensation he decided not to question to closely.  Not now.  The phenomenon made it easier to find her.  That was all he would concern himself with at the moment.

As he moved down one of the hallways he came to an intricate set of double doors.  It lead to a small ballroom he had never used much.  Even though he had enjoyed the challenges of the game before everything had changed, he had also enjoyed his privacy.  It was rare for him to host events at his own home.

Odd that she would chose that room.  He did not picture her as the type who much cared for such things.  Perhaps he was wrong.  She had been a more than adequate dance partner.  Still an odd choice considering.

Just as he had started to open the door [music](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koIpy1FPppg) met his ears.  He stopped his ears twitching at the sound.  The sound was something he had heard before but not often.  A piano was it?  That sounded right.  They were still not a common thing.  If he did not spend so much time exploring the Fade he likely would have not known it.

Still the rareness of it was not what stopped him completely.  Nor was it the oddity of having it come from a room in his home.  It was the music itself.  

It started off simple enough.  Yet the notes seemed to dig into his very soul taking root.  As the song went on its the grip on him tightened.  He pushed the door open more so he could see the source.  

Emma set on a bench in front of what he knew must be a piano, though it was unlike any he had seen.  It was large and shining black, the lid of it propped up.  Sherlock stood near in rapt attention.  The spirit’s eyes going from Emma’s fingers to the area under the lifted lid.

Emma herself was… otherworldly.  There was no other way to put it.  She was always beautiful to him but now with her eyes closed, the music pouring from her she was more than beautiful.  Something else entirely.  Her fingers moved with ease.  Her body swaying gently with the tune.  

The song’s intensity increased and he moved closer.  She was too wrapped up in her playing to notice or even open her eyes.  The song spoke to him.  To his loneliness.  His sense of displacement.  To the dark places he hid deep down.

As the music ended he swore he could still feel the notes in the air around him.  Still feel them flowing through him.  

His eyes remained on Emma as she opened her own slowly.  Her long lashes framing the rich blue that now shone with such a loneliness it hollowed out his chest.

“Emma.”  His voice came out a whisper but it was enough.

Her eyes flickered up to meet his own and he felt the breath leave his lungs at the impact of it.  The loneliness in her eyes like a reflection of his own.  

Then her eyes cleared coming back from wherever she had been.  They shifted to look at the piano and she shot up so fast the bench fell with a crash behind her.  The panic making them wide now.

“Solas.  I… this isn’t.”

“Stop.”  He started towards her slowly.  As one would approach a startled animal.  “I am unsure how you discovered a piano.  Or how you were able to know it well enough to give it form here.  Much less how you may play one.  However this came about, I am pleased.  That was…” He paused both vocally and physically, “I lack the words.”

“ _You_ lack the words?  I didn’t think that would be possible.”

“There is much I had thought no longer possible before I met you.”  

Those words.  He should not have said those words.  True as they may have been.  They should have stayed tucked away.  Kept secret.  Kept hidden.

Her cheeks flushed.  She took a step back and her fingers fluttered up to the hollow of her throat.  Then her wide eyes softened.  She looked away towards the floor and he had the urge to grab her chin.  He wanted her eyes on him.  Wanted that connection.

“S-solas… I-- I can’t… I’m not…”  Then her brows furrowed and she tilted her head as though listening to someone.  Whatever it was she seized the opportunity to escape him.  “I’m sorry I have to go.  Someone is trying to wake me.”  Her eyes came up to his now filled with regret.  Once again a look he was intimately familiar with, “I’m sorry.”

With that she was gone.  

He had said too much.  Again.  Gone places he should not with her.  Now he had frightened her off.  It should be seen as a good thing.  The fact she too was hesitant to move their relationship somewhere he knew it should not go should have been a relief to him.  Instead it filled his insides constricting his lungs and tightening his throat.

Though it hurt him he would not pursue her.  He would not push anymore.  She already held so much pain he would not be the cause for any more of it if he could help it.  Should she come to him he would reassess.  Until then he would simply stay near her.  He would be there when she needed him and leave her when she did not.

He knew he would look back on this moment in what time he had left.  That he would look back and know it as the exact moment he realized that no matter how far she was from him she would never leave him completely.  Even when he turned his back on all of them she would stay within him.  

This was the moment he accepted that the memories of her would be the thing he would hold close to him as long as he had left to exist. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koIpy1FPppg) Emma is playing in case you missed it in the text. Or just imagine your own piano piece. I wouldn't mind but this is what she was playing in my head. :)
> 
> Next update will still be arriving Wednesday.


	41. Unexpected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look... my hand slipped.
> 
> Surprise update ;)

When she woke she was immediately greeted by a loud insistent banging on her door.  As she set up her eyes went to the windows.  The curtains were drawn but only a hazy light shone through around the edges.  The sun wasn’t even full up.  

She’d be more pissed off if whoever this was hadn’t saved her from a situation she wasn’t prepared to deal with.  

The memory of his last words played in her head, “ _ There is much I thought no longer possible before I met you.” _

Such a cheesy line.  It was like something out of a bad romance movie.  So why did it make heart speed.  She shook her head trying to free herself from Solas.  The continuing attack on her door making this easier to do.

She had fallen asleep in her clothing so all she needed to do was throw on boots.  As she pulled them on she shouted at the door, “I’m coming! Calm yourself.”

She stood going over to the door swinging it open, “What!?”  When she saw the man standing on the other side she was somehow not surprised, “Adan.  What are you---”

Instead of responding he pushed past her into her cabin.  She blinked.  Looked out at the spot he had been standing and took a deep breath.  

Then she spoke loud enough for him to hear, “Good to see you.  Why don’t you come in?  Make yourself comfortable.”  As she shut the door she adjusted her voice to sound as close to his as she could, “Why thank you my most amazing apprentice.  You are--” She had turned to the room to find him looking through her notebook and her voice returned to a normal, if indignant, tone.  “Are you serious right now?”

“You have odd ideas girl.  Elfroot as a, what is this word?  Anti-bio-tick?”

She let out a irritated rumble and stormed over to him.  “Antibiotic.  Will you give that back?”  She grabbed for it but he turned so his body blocked her from reaching.

“Making things up now are we?”

“Adan.”  She tried to reach around him, “Give it back you man child.”

“Stop pressing all over me.”  His voice kept its usual tone of disinterest for the world as a whole, “I told you, you’re not my type.”

“Oh for the love of…”  She threw up her hands and backed away.  “You have no manners you know that?”

“How did you think to make a paste of it for application to open wounds?  I don’t remember that in any book.”

She sighed, resigned to not getting her notes back for the moment, “It would make sense.  If it’s used often in healing potions that must mean it has ant--- healing properties.  So stands to reason if you put a paste with it on a wound it could help to prevent infection.”  She was unsure if infection was a known term so she amended, “Festering.”

He shut the book and set it down on her desk.  “It’s something I know of.  It’s not often used but by small village herbalists.  You’re sure you haven’t been lying?  That you’re not some hedge witch’s git?”

“No I’m not.”  She shrugged, “I’m just learning as I go.  From books, you, and my own sense.”

“You say you have sense, so why weren’t you helping make potions yesterday?”

_ Shit.  Completely forgot that.   _ “I was with the Herald and then had some things I got pulled into.  I’m sorry.”

“You’ll work double today and half your pay for the week.”

“What?!”  Not that she necessarily needed the coin but damnit, it was the principle of the thing.  “Haven’t you heard of PTO.  One day.  I take one day and you…”

“Dunno know about any PTO.  Whatever nonsense you’re talking now.  Just know how it is.  Don’t do work, don’t get paid.”

“PTO is paid time---”  She took a deep breath pinching the bridge of her nose, “Oh never mind.  Just let me grab my cloak and things.  Then I’ll come and finish up the potions list you had.”

 

\-------------------------------

 

So it was that she found herself in the potions lodge bruising her finger.  For the tenth time that day.  She released a string of curses in a variety of languages as the finger throbbed painfully.   Never had grinding herbs been such risky work.

If only she could put up a wall to stop her mind from continuing to wander to her time in the Fade this wouldn’t be an issue.  If only that man was not so damned….

She gave a deep sigh and started grinding with more gusto.  

“You’re going to break my tools.”  Adan next to her made her jump and she dropped the pestle which proceeded to land squarely on her foot.  She bit back more curses at the pain it elicited from her toe. “What in the Maker’s name is wrong with you?”

Adan bent down to cradle the fallen pestle looking it over to make sure no harm had befallen it.  She ground out, “It’s fine.  My foot took the damage.”

“Well there’s that at least.”

“Why you---”

“Pardon my interruption.”  His voice made her freeze instantly but she kept her eyes away from him.  Shifting her gaze back to the plants on the table.  “You were not at your lesson.  Master Tethras said I might find you here.”

“Yes well--”

Adan spoke over her, “So it’s your doing then.”

Solas replied, “Excuse me.”

“I need the girl here.  If they provided me proper help and materials I wouldn’t but they don’t so I do.”

“She needs to practice her magic use.  That is not negotiable.”

“Mine isn’t either.”

Now Emma turned to them her eyes narrowing as she started to open her mouth.  Immediately Solas spoke over her.

“We could make an arrangement perhaps.”

Adan crossed his arms over his chest. “What sort of arrangement?”

“We could rotate days.  Or you could have her in the morning and I in the afternoon.”

Now she was grinding her teeth as irritation grew.  Where they really doing this!?  As if she wasn’t standing right here.  As if ---

Adan shifted, “I’d consider it.  I’d want it solidified though.”

“We could write up an agreement.”

Ok that was  _ it _ .  She walked between them her hands up in the air, glaring daggers at them both, “I’m right here.  I’m not some item you can pass between you two as you see fit.  I’m a  _ person.   _ An adult person.  My life is my own.  Stop talking about me like I’m some book or something.”

Adan raised a brow as though her words were totally ridiculous.  Solas for his part looked taken aback, his brows furrowing ever so slightly, as though he had just now realized how the whole thing had sounded.  

He spoke, “I apologize.  I did not intend---”

She shook her head, “Nope.  I’ve had enough for today.”  She strode past them to grab her cloak off the hook by the door.

“Em--” An abrupt stop and quick correction, “Vher, please.  A moment.”

She clasped her cloak and turned to meet Solas’ eyes which held sincere remorse.  An electrical current ran through her system and she had trouble pulling her gaze away.  “I accept the apology.  I just… I need a bit.”  

At the softening of Solas’ face she knew that he understood the last words were in reference to more than what had just happened with Adan.  

Adan pressed, “You still have some potions you haven’t finished.  These need done.  I can’t be expected to do them all myself.”

Solas turned to Adan, “I will aide you.  I have enough basic knowledge in such things.  Let her go.”

At that moment the urge to go to him was almost overwhelming.  She wanted to feel his arms holding her tight.  She wanted to feel his strong form against hers.  She wanted to taste his lips as they should be tasted.  Slow.  Savoring.  She wanted to be able to lose herself to him.

Instead she pulled her hood up,  “Thank you, mon Loup.”  

She hurried out into the cold before either of them could say anything else or do anything more stupid than what she had already done.  Which, all things considered, would really be a pretty impressive feat.

Right about now she could really use a run to clear her mind.  Unfortunately, it would likely be counter productive to her plan of ‘keeping as unnoticed as possible,’ if she decided to jog circles around the inside of Haven.  Everywhere else was far too deep in snow for a good jog.  Which took that off the table.

Perhaps if she just took a walk.  Not exactly the same but she could clear---

“Torchey!”  She stopped to find Sera running towards her with a large bag.

When Sera got close enough Emma spoke, “Hey Sera.  Do I want to know what’s in the bag?”

“Probably not.”  She hefted it over her shoulder looking around.  Her eyes stopping at the wood pile on the side of the Singing Maiden.  “Hold on, yeah?”  

She disappeared from sight.  There was a loud crash followed by a series of colorful curses.  Then some more crashing.  Emma debated going to see what exactly Sera was up to but decided ignorance was probably bliss in this case.

When Sera was finally finished she reappeared with a satisfied grin.  “All done.”

“I’m just going to pretend none of this happened.”

She shrugged, “You coming for some early drinks.”

“Nope.  Just trying to find something to do.”

“I  _ know. _  This place is  _ boring.  _  I thought it’d be more… I dunno… rawr or something.  More arrows.”  She paused, “Hey let’s go.  I’ll teach ya how to loose an arrow into an arse real good.”

Emma opened her mouth to protest but then paused for a moment before speaking, “You know that sounds fun.  I could stand to stab some shit right about now.  With arrows.”

“Brilliant!  Stabbing shite is the best!  Let’s get you all set up proper.”

Emma convinced Sera to simply ask Cullen for what they needed instead of finding some to “borrow.”  The only downside being that Emma realized she’d not spoken to him at all really lately.  Not since he’d given her the cabin, which she now thanked him for till he turned pink and hurried to leave them to dig through the training supplies themselves for what they needed.  Sera was most pleased.  She was convinced that it was Emma’s plan all along to get rid of the “jackboot.”

Once they’d found a training bow Sera approved of, they collected a couple targets.  Emma decided to drag the targets over to her little place so they’d be out of the eyes of the training recruits.  She  _ was  _ still trying to stick to her plan of not making a show of herself.

When they’d gotten the targets set up Sera tossed Emma a pair of archer’s gloves.  “Put ‘em on.  I’ll get this strung for ya.”

With a practiced swiftness Sera went about securing the bowstring.  

She tugged on her gloves as she asked, “Do they always come like that?”

Sera finished and stood, “Like what?”

“Unstrung like that.”

Sera looked at her like she was nuts, “Yeah.  You never seen a bow before?”

“I’ve seen them.  I mean sort of but…”  _ in movies.  On tv.  The olympics.   _ She changed the subject, “You must be good for Ivy to recruit you.  How did you learn?”

“Dunno.”  She shrugged then immediately narrowed her eyes, “Not an elfy thing if that’s what you’re thinking.  Most elves wouldn’t know an arrow if they got one shoved up their arse.”

“Why would I think it was---”  She shook her head, “I was just curious.”

“I shot.  I missed.  I shot again.  Then I stopped missing.”

Emma blinked.  Really she didn’t know why she expected something more detailed.  Besides what Sera said made sense, in a Sera way.  “Fair enough.  So what do I do?”

“Ok so you hold this bit here,”  Sera brought the bow over placing Emma’s hand on the center of the wood and adjusting her grip, “Other hand on the string like this.”  She lifted her own hand showing Emma how her fingers should be, “Put it right where that knot is tied.”

Emma did what she was told.  As Sera made some minor adjustments she asked, “What’s the bit of knotted cord for.”

“It’s so ya can nock your arrow the same every time.”  Sera took a step back double checking Emma’s hand positions before giving a nod, “Not bad.  Now stand like this.”  Sera demonstrated.

Emma tried to mimic her.  She shifted her body sideways with her legs shoulder width apart.  Sera came behind her.  She grabbed her hips and adjusted a touch before standing back once more.

“A’right now lift the bow and pull the string back.”

She wasn’t too concerned.  This was the easy part.  It was actually aiming and releasing arrows with any kind of success that she was concerned about.

Her fingers tightened on the bow.  She lifted and began to pull back.  Or rather tried to pull back.  She frowned kept trying to pull this time grinding her teeth.  Still couldn’t get it all the way back.  She let out a huff.

“This bow is like a resistance band on steroids.  They make it look so damn easy in the movies.  The fuck is this?”  She turned to Sera, “Are all of them this hard to---”

Then at the look on Sera’s face she realized what all she’d just said.  Sera spoke, “What’s all that then?”

“Uhmmm…”  _ shit.   _ “Well uhmm ‘resistance band on steroids’ is like… like a weird saying where I come from or… something it just means… uhm heavy.”   _ Good good.  You’re doing awful keep it up genius.   _ “Movie is a term for when you watch people perform something.  So like… if I watched you doing this I will have… movied you….”  _ movied you?  The fuck is coming out of your mouth right now.   _ “So when you say movies you are talking about different times you watched people and---”

“You’re an odd one, Torchey.”  Sera picked up some snow forming it into a ball, “Keep trying.  You just need more uhmp in it.”  She tossed the snowball against the side of the cabin as though to emphasize her own uhmp.  For such a little thing she must have some serious upper body strength.

Emma gritted her teeth and tried again.  It felt like she had to be going with 90 pounds of resistance.  At  _ least _ .  Still she pulled trying to put all her strength into it.  And finally she managed to get it.

A huge grin broke out on her face even as her arm shook to hold the string taught, “I got it.  Look I---”

“There you two are.”

Snap.

“Fuck! Affenschwanz!  __ Motherfucking… ugh!”  She dropped the bow, “Putain de salope.” 

Ivy ran up to them, “What happened?  What’s she even saying?”

“Snapped the string on her wrist.  No clue what she’s saying but it’s entertaining, yeah?”

Ivy went over prying the injured wrist from where Emma held it cradled against her.  With careful fingers Ivy rolled back the sleeve revealing a large welt already starting to take form.  “Ooohhh that’s going to leave a mark.”

“Ya think!?”  Emma hissed, “Damn that hurt.  Stop laughing Sera, it’s not funny.”

“It’s a little funny.”  Emma’s eyes came up and she glared at Sera who just put her hands on her hips, “Didn’t realize you were so delicate.”

Ivy released Emma’s arm back to her, “If you’re gonna keep learning I’ll get you wrist guards made.”

“Wish I’d known that wrist guards was something I should look into.”  Emma looked pointedly at Sera.

Sera shrugged, “Delicate.  Ain’t my fault.”

“I didn’t realize you needed the upper body strength of the Hulk to use a bow.”

Ivy’s head tilted, “Who's the Hulk?”

“Just… some guy.”   _ Batting a thousand today.   _ Probably because of being a moron and giving her actual name to Solas.  Who wouldn’t stop using it.

Emma’s stomach let out a loud growl reminding her she hadn’t actually eaten anything all day.

Ivy eyed her, “Have you not eaten today?”

“Delicate.”  Sera said as she threw another snowball at the side of the cabin.

“I’m not delicate.”  In fact she guessed she’d get more toned the more she practiced her magic and kept eating well.  Magic use had proven itself to be surprisingly physically intensive.  It certainly explained Solas perfectly toned upper body.  She imagined the rest of him was just as---

Sera’s voice broke into her thoughts, “Why’s your face gettin’ all weird?”

Emma focused on rolling her sleeve back up over the welt, “Just hungry.”  When her sleeve was back to normal she started towards Haven, “I’m going to the tavern for some food.”

“Sounds grand.  You coming Lady Herald?”

“Sure why not.  Might as well enjoy the break from all the political nonsense.”

All three made their way to the tavern for an early dinner.  Chatting amiably.   Emma making a deal with herself to just avoid any pints.

Dinner this time was some kind of odd meat dish.  Even though she was fine with eating meat now, the dish wasn’t something she wished to examine.  Instead she decided to just chow down and enjoyed the company.    

Though Emma had stuck to her no pint rule Ivy and Sera had no such self imposed regulations.  They had started loudly singing bar songs until the actual tavern bard had gotten annoyed with them.  When Emma left, Sera was threatening to stuff the bard’s instrument up the bard’s rear in a variety of imaginative ways.  

If she was honest, the whole thing was pretty entertaining.  However, she’d been woken early by Adan with no time to herself yet that day.  She was eager to get back to her little place.  Maybe she’d go to sleep early to enter the Fade.  Do something for Solas to show her thanks.  A note or maybe a drawing or---

As she neared her lodge she saw a figure near the door.  Even in the dark she recognized him almost instantly.  She broke into a jog and he turned at the sound of her approach.  His hands went behind his back and he stiffened.  

“You are home early.”

What was that supposed to mean?  Had he only come because he’d thought she wouldn’t be here?  The thought made her throat go dry.  

“I just didn’t feel like being out much more today.”

“I see.”  

The mask was back on.  The tone lacking any emotion.  Something was wrong.  Was it because she’d left him?  That she’d said she needed a bit?  Or had something else changed between now and then?  

But what he’d said the other night… could he regret that so fast?  Or did it really not mean anything to begin with and she was reading into things?

“Is something--”  She had started to pull her cloak tighter as she spoke.  The movement rubbed her sleeve against the welt from the bow and she let out a hiss.

Immediately his brows drew together and he closed the distance between them.  “You are hurt.”

“No.  I’m fine.”

His eyes narrowed, “One does not make a sound like that for no reason.”

She gave a long exhale and moved past him to her door, “It’s nothing.  Sera was trying to show me how to use a bow and the string hit my wrist.”  She paused at the open door waiting for him to come in.

“She did not give you wrist guards?”

“She doesn’t use them so didn’t think of it.  I should have known better but didn’t think of it either.”  He continued to stand outside and she tilted her head, “Do I really need to give you a formal invitation now?”

“I do not know that it is a good idea.”

“Oh.”   _Why did that sting so much?_

He made a hmmm noise in the back of his throat before he stepped past her inside.  “Just for a moment.  I would like to see your injury in better light.”

She shut the door behind him more confused than ever.  It was just a welt.  Honestly a bowstring injury was more a pain than anything else.  It shouldn’t even take that long to heal.  He should know all that.

He walked towards her fireplace and lit it with an easy flick of his wrist.  Then he moved to her desk placing a small black notebook he had been holding on its surface.  That must be the reason he had come but what could he possibly be giving her now that he couldn’t during their lessons or---

“Wrist.”  He held his hand out to her before adding, “Please.”

Ignoring him she gestured towards the notebook, “What’s that?”

“It’s the reason I came.  You will not see its contents unless you give me your wrist.”

He knew she wouldn’t be able to resist.  Now that she’d seen it she had to know what was in it.  She brought her left hand up to rub down the front of her face as she sighed, “Fine.”

She moved over to him placing her wrist in his open hand.  With an achingly careful touch he brought his other hand to roll down the sleeve.  Once that was done the fingers of the hand holding her curled around her wrist moving it so he could better examine it.

“It was painful.”  It almost sounded like he felt somehow responsible for it.  

“Well yeah but, I mean... I’ve had worse.”  At this point her face was heated.  She knew she was blushing.  Really with the rate that he made this happen it was a miracle her face was ever a shade other than pink.

His fingers tightened just a hint as he spoke, “Your back.  I am sorry I left you with scars.”

It took her a moment to realize he spoke of the incident at the rift on the way to Val Royeaux.  What had happened after the attack was much more relevant to her.  The attack itself was still absent from her memory.  The scars on her back were of no real concern for her.  Though now she was a bit curious if they would show up on her body back home.

That was a question she could not ask.

“It’s fine.  I don’t mind scars.  They are part of the story that made me, me.  They show that I survived.  That I’m stronger than whatever tried to take me down.  We all have them it’s just some people only have the internal ones.”  She realized she’d started to ramble and quickly shifted the conversation.  “Would you have even been able to heal them?  I mean from what Ivy told me they were pretty deep.”

He shifted just a hint, the fingers of his other hand curling, “I--”  His voice faltered.  When he next spoke it was so quiet she could barely hear it, “It is not so simple.”

Understanding dawned on her.  Without thought she released her wrist from his hand.  Her own fingers now going up to his face.  They brushed along his jaw, then up to his face, until she had her palm pressed against his cheek forcing him to look at her.

“I don’t know why you have to keep your power hidden but I’m glad you didn’t put yourself at risk for something as silly as healing a scar.  I’m fine.  Don’t feel guilty.  I’m sure you have your reasons.”

His eyes had gone wide when she’d first touched her hand to his face, now they softened, “I should have known you would realize.”  He paused, swallowed, “Your magic calls to me, Emma.”

“I can feel it reaching for you.  I didn’t know it worked the other way also.”  She still had her hand up against his cheek.  She should move it but instead she brushed her thumb against his fine cheekbone, “Is that normal?”

“No.”  His hand came up to her arm tracing a light path up to her wrist to hold her in place.  He nuzzled his cheek into her palm before turning his face.  His lips brushed against her, between wrist and palm.  He spoke into her skin.  “Vhen’an’ara.  Ir abelas.”  The feel of his lips there was strangely intimate and she felt her knees go weak.

She watched, frozen in place, as his mouth moved down to the welt on her wrist.  His magic tickled her skin and warmed her entire being.  The pleasure was great enough that she shut her eyes as she released a small sigh of satisfaction.

Too soon he had let her go and stepped away from her.  It was a horrible feeling.  Despite the fact that she didn’t know how it happened, only that it shouldn’t be allowed to happen, she wanted to lose herself with him.  There was something about him that made her feel a way she had never felt before.  Not even with Luke, as painful and horrible as that was to admit.

For a moment she thought damn the consequences.  She needed him.  So when he was about to walk out the door she called to him, “Solas.”

He paused.  She could see the rigid line of his shoulder.  His hand tightening on the doorknob.

“I…” they had agreed to just be friends that was for the best.  Best for everyone.  She thought quickly,  “I could show you how to play the piano if you'd like.”

There was a deep breath before he spoke. “Thank you.  I will think on it.  Goodnight, Emma.”

Then he was gone.  The door shutting behind him.  All that was left was the remnant of the outside cold and that little notebook.  She went over to where he had left the book running her fingers along the leather binding before opening it.  What she saw made her heart swell.

Solas had written a series of, what appeared to be, Elvhen songs and poems in the book along with their translations.  They were all carefully done in his beautiful script and even included notations to clarify some of the less clear translations.  

When had he even found the time?  She held the book close to her heart, mumbling to it as her fingers gripped it tighter, “Friends.  We’re just friends.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **vhen'an'ara** = heart's desire or heart's journey
> 
> Ok so this chapter fully started off with the intent to be some nice light break from all the feels. Then Solas and Emma happened. So yeah.


	42. Turning Point

That night when she entered the Fade Solas was not in his library.  Instead Sherlock greeted her stating simply Solas had things to take care of.  That he was looking for the entity.  That she should stay here where it was safe.

So basically he wanted to avoid her.  On top of that he wanted to keep her as a princess in a tower.  If she could read elvhen already maybe she would have settled for it.  These books would keep her busy for a long time.  But she didn’t yet.  And she wasn’t about to just sit here twiddling her thumbs.

Instead she told Sherlock they should go on an adventure.  That he should pick a place he was most curious about and take her there.  Then they could observe and learn together.  So he did.

It turned out the things Sherlock were most curious about was, why other beings did what they did.  When he led her somewhere it was to the small cottage of a large farming family.  It may not have been exciting to some but Emma found comfort in it.  

The family didn’t have much.  Just enough to survive in truth but, they were so very happy with each other.  The mother and father were madly in love.  The children were as children are.  Playful.  Adventurous.  At times loving to each other.  At other times they were pulling out each others’ hair.  In the end it was always back to loving each other.  They were secure in the fact that they would always have each other.

It was bittersweet for Emma to watch this family.  Two of the girls seemed to be about the same age difference Merri and her had been.  As she watched them more and more of her own memories came to the fore.  When the emotions got too much for her she tugged on Sherlock’s sleeve.  

They returned to the library where she was then bombarded with questions about various behaviours.  It was a wonderful distraction.  She tried to answer as best she could but made it clear that every person was different so her thoughts might not be correct.  Sherlock stated that he was most interested in how she saw the world.  

When she woke the next morning she hurried out to train with Solas.  She expected he would somehow know that she’d snuck out.  It was likely she’d get a lecture.  Still once the lecture was over she could talk with him about it.  Discuss how much she enjoyed watching something so seemingly simple.

That is not what happened.  

When she got there he was out practicing his own magic.  Once he spotted her there was no truly warm greeting.  The Solas she was greeted by was the same one she had known in the beginning.  Masked.  Closed off.  All business no matter how she tried to coax him out of it.  He wouldn’t even walk back into Haven with her, saying he wished to stay out longer.

It was more disappointing than she cared to admit.

On her way to Adan’s she saw Varric warming himself by one of the large fires and an idea came to her.  She walked over to him.  When he spotted her out of the corner of his eye he turned his face to her with a smile.

“Hey, Kitten.”

“Hey, Varric.”  She stopped next to him warming her hands in the fire and shifting.  She wasn’t sure how to state her request.  It shouldn’t be something that would cause issues but---

“What’s on your mind?  I can practically hear it going full speed.”

Right this was Varric.  Even if it was a peculiar request she doubted he would do anything with it.  At least not in terms of reporting it or anything.

“Ivy has mentioned you have connections.”

He snickered, “You could say that.”

She pushed her next words out in a rush, “Would you be able to obtain any books in Elvhen?”

“Now that’s an interesting request.”  He rubbed his hands together near the flames head tilting slightly, “Did you and Chuckles have a falling out?”

“What?  No.”  His distance from her currently came to her mind and she spoke under her breath, “I don’t think so at least.”  Then louder again, “He just said that they are difficult to find when I asked.”

“I’m sure I can find you something.  Give me a few days.  I’ll see what I can dig up.”

Excitement filled her replacing the feelings that Solas had put in her earlier.  If she could get her hands on even one decent Elvhen book she could work on translating.  She used to have a lot of fun translating foreign language books as a way to teach herself the new words.  

It was a bit like a puzzle.  If you could find the most common words along with some others than eventually you could use that to find out the other words.  This was an odd hobby she’d picked up when she was in high school and had stumbled upon an Italian language copy of the  _ Lord Of The Rings Trilogy.   _ She’d learned a good deal of Italian from all the translating.  Although her pronunciation had been absolute trash until she’d gotten into an actual class and been taught otherwise.  Which her teacher seemed both mildly impressed and confused about.

There was no reason she couldn’t do the same with Elvhen now.  Solas had given her the poems and songs.  That should be enough translations to get her started.  If Varric could find her a book on Elvhen then she could use what Solas gave along with that book to teach herself.  Of course this would be easier to do if she had a way to bring the notebook to the Fade with her but she was unsure how to do that.  Somehow she doubted Solas would be much help in that right now.

“Chuckles tells me you took off to the Breach.”

Varric’s words brought her back and she looked at him raising a brow, “He told you that?”

“Well he didn’t have much choice.  He took off out of our tent like his ass was on fire.  I had questions.  Managed to distract me enough with the fact you went that I didn’t press on how he knew to take off.” 

Varric didn’t look at her and, once more, Emma got the distinct feeling that he had guessed much more than he let on.  Though could he truly guess that she was a Dreamer?  He was observant but would that even cross his mind given the rarity of it.  

“Uhm yeah.  I guess looking back it was a bit dumb.  I didn’t really have a plan I was just…”

“Curious?”  Now he did look at her his mouth a wide grin, “I see my writer’s eye got it right.”  He turned to her now crossing his arms, “When you went did the red lyrium affect you at all?”

“Uhm…” She chewed her lip and her eyes went to the ground as she tried to remember what he could be talking about, “I don’t think so?  What is it?”

“Wait you don’t even remember any?”

She blushed, “No.  I was a bit distracted by the big hole in the sky.”

He shook his head,  “It should have affected you somehow.”

“Ok.  I was really distracted, but what is it?”

“Do you know what lyrium is?”

She nibbled her knuckle thinking for a moment before answering somewhat hesitantly, “Dwarves mine it right?  Then it is used for various things.  Enchantments and…”  She paused frowning as she thought, “And in liquid form given to the Templars to help their talents.  Though I’d guess it is more a control mechanism than anything else.  Given that it is so addictive, right?”

“Yes.  You and me both.”  He sighed, “It’s dangerous stuff.  To mages it can be fatal.  Red lyrium is worse.  The red stuff is regular lyrium like a dragon is a lizard.  It has a whole host of weirdness all its own.  No one has seen this stuff before or knows where it came from.”

“How do you know so much about it?”

“My brother, Bartrand, and I sort of discovered red lyrium during an expedition in the deep roads.  There was this idol there made of it.  Bartrand brought it back to the surface and well… everything went downhill from there.”

“What exactly does it do?”

“Regular lyrium can mess you up pretty bad but you have to ingest it.  Red lyrium can mess with your mind by just being near the stuff.  You hear singing.  Get violent.  Paranoid.  And then, it does creepy shit.  Makes things float.  Brings statues to life.  Everyone’s been kept at least 100 paces from it.”

“Then how did it get where the Breach is?”

His brows knitted together, “I don’t know.  As far as I knew the only piece to make it to the surface was destroyed.  The location of the the red stuff was kept secret.  The thought that someone could have found more is not cheery.”  He took a deep sigh shifting, “This isn’t really my favorite subject.  I was just curious if you’d had any feeling from it when you were there.  As of now I have some people looking into it more and have asked Spiker to keep an eye out.  She’ll destroy any that she comes across.”

There were still tons of questions going through her mind.  How exactly would Ivy destroy it?  If it was too dangerous to be near how did you research it?  Did he think it was possible someone was selling it or could the stuff at the Breach be a result of the explosion there?  That was just a few of the things going through her mind.  

It was clear in Varric’s posture though that the whole conversation was making him uneasy.  He probably regretted even asking.  So she dropped it for now and responded to his last statement instead, “I’m sure she will.  With gusto no doubt.”  She gestured with her head in the direction of the potions lodge, “I better get to Adan.  The man is enough of a pain in the ass when he isn’t kept waiting.”

Varric chuckled, “From what I’ve heard of him I don’t envy you.  Go on then.  I’ll let you know about the book.”

“Thanks Varric.”  

With a wave she hurried off to start her day of potion making.  As expected Adan dug into her when she came it.  They may have developed a friendship of sorts but you wouldn’t know it listening to them.  Adan needled at her but she gave as good as she got.  She’d learned this was how Adan did friendship and that was fine.  There were a few friends back home that were the same and she enjoyed the games of snark.

She worked on potions till after the sun had gone down before heading back to her lodging.  When she got there she used a bit of magic to heat the water in her washbasin before cleaning off her plant stained fingers.  That done, she went over to read the notebook Solas had left her.  

When she finally went to sleep and entered the Fade Solas was still gone.  So she went with Sherlock to observe more things.  Sometimes she swore that she felt him near.  Though when she looked he was nowhere and the feeling left as suddenly as it had come.

When she woke the next day went much the same as the previous day.  Lesson with a very closed off Solas.  Then potion creation.  The only difference this day was that she remembered to stop by the tavern for some food before heading back to her lodging to read.

The days and nights following continued thus.  Finally she gave up trying to pull Solas out of whatever state he’d gone into.  Though it alternated between making her sad and making her angry at him.  Most of all it made her feel increasingly lonely even when she stayed in the tavern for dinner with others.  

She  _ did  _ care for them all and she greatly enjoyed their company yet… it wasn’t the same.  She still felt like none of them really saw her.  Well, except Varric, but even if he saw her it wasn’t the same as with Solas.  He couldn’t  _ understand _ her.  The feeling of not belonging.  Solas did understand.  Perhaps it was the secret he held so close that kept him from the others.  Whatever reason for it, without him she really was alone.

That’s why after a little over a week went by of this she had made up her mind to confront him about it.  She would just come out and ask him what his problem was.  There was no way she would allow him to wiggle his way out of answering either.  Something was going on and she  _ would  _ find out what.  

As soon as she steeled herself to do so.  

Right now she was pacing her lodging and having a mumbled conversation with an invisible Solas.  She could definitely do it.  In just another minute she would walk out that door, storm out to him, and ----

There was a knock on the door and she froze.  Her gut rolling at the mixture of emotions that it might be the man himself.

“Sissy open up will ya?  I’ve got something for you.”

Emma let out the breath she hadn’t even realized she held, “Coming.”  She opened the door to find a grinning Ivy.

“Morning!”  Ivy pushed past her.  She had a parcel which she took over and put on Emma’s bed before gesturing to it, “Surprise.”

Emma walked over looking at the package, “What is it?”

“Open it and you’ll find out.”

She reached out and paused glancing at Ivy, “It’s not from Sera is it?”

Ivy laughed, “Nope.  From me and Vivienne.  Nothing is going to jump out at you.”

Well,  _ that _ was a surprise.  She raised a brow but reached forward to start unwrapping it as she spoke, “Vivienne?”

“Something about how she shouldn’t be the only mage in the Inquisition to look like they’d not looted a corpse for their outfit.” Ivy smirked,  “I’m paraphrasing but that’s the general idea.”

She didn’t even realize that Vivienne would remember her.  Much less view her as important enough to get her an outfit.  Not like she was a key part to this whole thing.  

When she unwrapped the paper she couldn’t help the little gasp of pleasure that came out.  Ivy’s grin widened, “Well put it on then.  Let’s see if it fits.”  

Emma quickly complied.  Ivy giving her instructions on how to put on certain aspects of it.  Luckily it seemed like it would be fairly easy to do on her own, after some practice.  And it was exquisite.

The cloth was a beautiful rich blue.  It was etched with a delicate silver pattern along the hems.  The coat had shoulder and elbow guards made of metal weaved so delicate it looked like it could shatter.  Yet when she touched it there was no fragileness about it.  

The jacket went over another rich blue top that was much like a wrap.  It split just under the belly button and went down to her calves.  This was held to her form by a large belt weaved into a criss cross pattern.  It accentuated the dip of her waist and curve of her hips.  It had a looped area hanging from it that fit against the front and back of her hip area with a good sized pouch resting against her hip itself.

Finally, there was a shorter top that was such a dark blue it was almost black.  This was also in the form of a wrap and ended right at her knees.  Then for the bottom fitted black pants and sturdy black mid-calf boots.

She looked down at herself letting her finger trace the etching.  “It’s amazing.”

“It’s perfect for you, Sissy.  Look at your gorgeous deadly self.”  Ivy went forward gripping the top of the jacket and tugging lightly, “This and this,” She tapped on the next layer, “Will come off at camp when you don’t need it so you can be a bit more comfortable.” She stepped back still grinning,  “Best part is it’s enchanted.  So it will work in pretty much any weather and it keeps itself clean mostly.  You’ll have to get it re-done every couple months or so.  Take it to Vivienne when that happens.  She’ll get it to the right person.”

The material was clearly high quality.  The design aspects very high end.  To top all that off it was also enchanted.  This was too much.

Her eyes went from the clothing to Ivy’s and she shook her head ever so slightly as she spoke, “This must have cost you a fortune.  You shouldn’t---”

“Eh what else am I going to spend it on.  Plus Vivienne helped.  It was her people that made it and she finalized the details of it.  Though she wanted to put crystal in it and more silver.”

Emma’s eyes widened, “More… This is plenty.  This is perfect.  I mean, did she hope that I could stun all our enemies with the glare from it when the sun hit?”

Ivy broke into laughter.  The deep belly laughs of her’s warming Emma’s insides.  As Ivy worked to calm herself down again Emma started taking the outfit off to put back on her casual clothing for Haven.  She wasn’t really sure when she would have the chance to wear the new armour much, but for now she’d just be grateful.  She couldn’t let the guilt of leaving them overwhelm her too much.  She had no choice in the matter really.

As though reading her previous thoughts Ivy spoke while collecting her breath from the laughter, “You will be able to wear it soon.  We’re going to Redcliffe and you’re coming with us.”

The words registered to her just as she was pulling her top on and she pulled it down hard to free her head yanking her hair in the process, “Oww.  Wait what? Why do you want me there?  I’m not---”

“You’re a mage.  You’ve been practicing a lot but it’ll only do you so much until you experience actual combat.  I’d rather you do that when I’m there to help cover your back.”

Actual combat….

Emma blanched, “Ivy…  I’m not really---”

“It’s cute that you thought I’d even consider leaving you after the stunt you pulled last time.”

The next words that came out were idiotic but she was too shocked to say much else, “You know about that too?”

“Of course.”

She groaned, “Does everyone know?”

“Mostly,” Ivy shrugged. “Oh come on, it’ll be fun.  Trust me.  Solas is coming.”

And just like that her inner emotions were once more at war.  Part of her wanting him to be at least partially responsible for Ivy’s steadfast insistence on her going.  The other part irritated at the thought that he would push for things like that when he’d done his utmost to be borderline frigid towards her.

“Did Solas…”  She was unsure how to word it.

Ivy luckily was quick to answer, “No.  But I imagine he just assumed that I’d get you to come after the incident.  Plus the fact that I was complaining you weren’t there last time.”  Ivy must have read something in Emma’s face because her lips turned down just a hint, “Why?  Did he do something stupid?  Is something---”

“No no.”  She forced a smile, “It’s nothing.  Just nervous I guess.”  Emma looked back at the neatly folded clothing on her bed, “Ivy… why?  I mean,” Her eyes flitted up to the other woman, “I can never express how grateful I am for you saving me and everything else you’ve done on top of that but… I mean I haven’t really ---”

Ivy put a hand up to stop her, “I’m only going to say this once.  I don’t really do sappy.  At first it was just that I pitied you.  Then with everything that happened… you’ve been one of the only people that still looks at me as a person not as ‘The Herald.’  I never wanted this.  Any of it.  You see me as me and you’re… different.”  She groaned, “I hate this stuff.  Point is you do do something for me.  Even if it isn’t something that people can easily see.”

“Ivy…”  Emma felt herself tear up and hurried forward to hug Ivy. Ivy was startled at first but quickly hugged her back, “I love you.  You’re the kindest and most bad-ass person I know.”  

Ivy laughed and gently pulled away from Emma before speaking, “Now this is more like it.  I  _ am _ pretty bad-ass.”  Ivy stretched her arms in front of her locking the fingers and cracking the joints.  “Ok got to get back to it before they chase me down.  The sooner we get done with all this political nonsense the better.  At least when we go to Redcliffe I’ll be actually doing something other than listening to those four bicker about the best course of action.”

By that point Emma had gotten fully dressed and was tugging on her final boot.  That done she followed Ivy to the door grabbing her cloak.  “I better let Adan know.  Spend the last couple days just doing stuff for him.”

“He knows.”  Ivy followed Emma out the door waiting for her to close it before falling into step with her back to Haven, “He said he had a list of plants for you to gather.  Also Minaeve wanted to speak with you before we leave.  Which will be the day after tomorrow by the way.”

Emma’s brows knitted, “Minaeve?  That’s the woman in the Ambassador’s office right?”

“Yeah.  Not sure why she wants to talk to you just that she does.”

Great now she had another thing to be nervous about, “Ok.  Are you going to the Chantry?”

“Yup.  Morning meeting time.”  She stuck her finger in her mouth and made a gagging noise.

Emma couldn’t help but grin at Ivy’s actions despite her nervousness, “I’ll walk with you so I can talk to Minaeve first.  Adan will probably keep me till the day is up if not till the moment we leave.”

“Grouchy old man.  Is that your type then?”

She cringed, “Adan is  _ not  _ my type.  Why in the world would that even cross your mind?”

“You spend all your time between him and Solas.  Both grouchy old men.”  Ivy shrugged.

“Ok one,” Emma held up a finger, “I  _ work _ for Adan.  Two, why do you keep calling Solas old?  I mean he can’t be that old.”

“He acts a thousand years old.  The way he talks I swear it is worse then my great-grandfather ever was.  Which is actually impressive, in a disgusting way.”

As they were coming up on the Chantry Emma just shook her head, “You know I find the stuff he talks about fascinating.  Maybe if you---”

Ivy yanked the Chantry door open, “You only find it fascinating because you want to ride him.”

Emma flushed, “That isn’t…” She cleared her throat walking into the building, “I find it fascinating because it is.  He has a lot of knowledge on a lot of things.  I like to---”

“Ok now you’re kinda sounding like him and it is freaking me out a little.”  Emma took a deep sigh and opened her mouth to retort but Ivy ruffled her hair, “Whatever does it for you though, Sissy.  If him and all his lectures make you happy then I’m happy for you.  Good luck with Adan and Minaeve.”  She took off into the far door before Emma could respond.

“Right.”  She forced any thoughts about Solas out of her head and turned to face the door that was the Ambassadors.  With a deep breath she walked towards it and swung it open.

Ambassador Josephine saw her first and looked up smiling.  “Good morning Ella.  Glad to see you.”

Before she could reply Minaeve was in front of her, “Wonderful you’re here.  I was hoping you’d come soon.”  Minaeve started back to a table set up against the wall and gestured at Emma, “I’d like to show you something.”

Emma gave a quick smile to Josephine first, “Good morning Ambassador.”

“Josephine is fine Ella, really.”  

“Ok.  Jose---”  There was suddenly a large rotten looking something in front of her face and she stopped dead.   It stunk too.  She had to work not to plug her nose.  “Uhm.  I’m not sure---”

“What do you see?”  Minaeve was looking at her eagerly as she held the object towards her.

Emma looked from the object back to Minaeve.  It was lucky for her she’d never been squirmish.  Her curiosity always got the best of her.  The desire to know always overrode any ewww factor to her.  So she held out her hand, “May I?”

“Please.”  

Emma took the item from Minaeve and brought it closer to one of the torches.  It was about the size of her hand, a bit larger but not much, and the biggest part was too wide for her to wrap her fingers around.  It did seem to curve and thin but the end was broken off as was the base.  It had a lot of damage making it difficult to pinpoint.  Still… she had a guess but part of her hoped she wasn’t right.

“Is it a fang?  Spider maybe?  This here,” She pointed to the inside, “Looks like the poison duct and the shape is right, or seems right.”

Minaeve nodded, “Yes but it will do me no good.  Why?”

She handed it back to Minaeve, “Well it wasn’t removed correctly.  It looks like it was just yanked off so you aren’t getting any of the poison gland or able to see the ejection site for an idea of how it is released.”

Minaeve looked to Josephine, “I knew it.”

Emma’s eyes glanced from one to the other, “Uhm knew what?”

“I have a favor to ask.” Minaeve took the fang back to her table as she spoke, “I’ve asked the Herald and others to bring me things from creatures so that we can research them.  Problem is they forget or bring back things like this.  Since you are going with them would you be able to bring me back some useable samples?  Especially of any demons.  We know so little of them.”

Emma must have looked somewhat terrified of the request because Josephine added, “After they have been killed.  Of course.”

“Of course.  Although if you could get fresher---” At the look from Josephine Minaeve halted, “Dead.  Definitely be sure they are dead first.”

“I figured but…” She looked at the fang on the table then back at Minaeve, “I’m not an expert or anything.  I’m not sure how much help I’ll actually---”

“Whatever you can do will be perfect.  You have a natural ability for this.  I could tell the first time I met you and you were so enthralled with the library.  You’re my best chance of getting something good back.  Please.”

She was still a bit unsure about the whole thing, “How will I know what I should bring back?”

“Just whatever you think would be useful.  You have not studied the spiders but you knew the parts I needed.  Use that sense and you’ll do fine.”

Josephine spoke while she continued to work on whatever paperwork she had in front of her, “She’s right.  The Herald speaks highly of you.  I have no doubt you’re more than capable.”

Well, she could help this way at least.  She had always found things like this interesting.  She’d also done plenty of research on the creatures here.  No doubt if she needed help with relevant demon parts Solas would be able to offer aid.  Assuming he’d be willing.

The thought of him sent a little pang of pain into her chest.

She shook the thought from her mind and smiled, “I am honored you have so much faith in me.  I’ll do my best.”

“Wonderful.” Minaeve clapped her hands together and turned to the table, “Let me just go over a few quick things with you and then I’ll let you go on with your day.”

Minaeve went over the basics of some of the more common creatures and what to look for.  She also quickly went over proper storage techniques for certain things.  This took roughly thirty or so minutes before Emma was dismissed.

As she was walking to the Chantry entrance a voice called out to her, “My dear, a moment if you would.”

She turned to find Madame de Fer looking at her and swallowed.  Still she held her chin up as she made her way over.  With a smile she said, “Madame de Fer.  I’m glad you called me over.  I wish to thank you for the clothing.  It was most thoughtful.”

“Think nothing of it my dear.  You and I are representatives of the mage presence in the Inquisition.”  The lack of Solas in the statement didn’t escape Emma’s notice but somehow she managed to keep her mouth shut and face calm.  Madame de Fer continued, “As such we must look the part.  Speaking of, why are you wearing those rags instead of what we gave you?”

“I thought to wear it when we were traveling and fighting.  I didn’t think wearing it---”

“My dear, one should always look their best.  Especially in your position.”   _ Her position?  What did that mean.   _ “I will order you more appropriate garments.  I know some of the best designers in Orlais.  You will have a proper wardrobe in no time.”

“I appreciate it but that really isn’t---”

“Nonsense dear, I insist.”

She ground her teeth at being interrupted again but let it slide instead asking, “What do you mean when you said my position.  I’m nothing important in the Inquisition.  Just the herbalists helper.  I do what I can but I’m not a key component like Ivy or the advisors.”  _ Or Solas. _

“Oh my dear.  Do not undersell yourself.  You have the ear of the Herald of Andraste.  That is an immeasurable amount of power that should be used wisely.”

She frowned, “Ivy is my friend.  I wouldn’t abuse that.”

She smiled as though she were talking to a small child who didn’t know anything, “A sweet thought.  However idealism has no place now.  In such a world as this you are either pawn or player, my dear.   Pawn has no choice but to watch the world burn.  A player may prevent it if they move wisely.  I have spoken with her to try to show her the benefits of choosing the Templars for allies but I am uncertain how much difference I made as of now.”

Emma’s eyes narrowed, “That is why you joined the Inquisition.  For power.  For political sway.”

“Of course my dear.  The Herald is from a noble family.  Even if the family is from the Free Marches I assure you she knows how the game works and has no delusions on my motivations.”  

The woman was intelligent there was no doubt of that.  Perhaps she truly did seek political sway for the benefit of the whole.  Emma could admire her as a woman of strength and determination.  But admiring and liking were not necessarily the same.

“It is a pity.  You could truly make a difference under the right teacher.  I would teach you not only the game but magic as well.  I can sense you have much potential in both areas.”  She kept her cold smile,  “If you should ever change your mind seek me out.  In the meantime, I will work on your wardrobe.  We need to look less like unwashed apostates and more like an organization that can handle being in a position of power.”

Another jab at Solas no doubt.  If Madame de Fer could not see past his clothing to the true man that was no concern of Emma’s.  In fact she had an odd feeling Solas was banking on assumptions of this kind from people like her.  Emma would not do anything to correct it.  

She gave a stiff nod, “I will keep that in mind, Madame de Fer.”

“Do, my dear.  I wouldn’t want to keep you any longer.  Good day.”  Madame de Fer turned from her then back to some books nearby.

“Good day, Madame de Fer.”  Emma hurried out of the Chantry before she could be stopped again.

As expected when she got to Adan’s lodging he raved at her for a bit before giving her several pages worth of ingredients he wanted her to collect on her trip.  Then he gave her a list of potions he wanted done before she left.  

It would be a push to get all of the ones done that he was insisting on but it would work as a good distraction.  Besides the more healing and other potions that Ivy had before leaving the better.  So Emma ducked her head and went to work.

She kept at it till after night fall and got through half the list.  She should be able to finish the rest tomorrow without much difficulty.  

By the time she got done she was too tired to think of food.  Instead she walked past the tavern and went straight home to enter the Fade once more.

When she got there Solas was absent as expected.  Sherlock was eagerly awaiting her and it did warm her some.  Still she was feeling depressed tonight and even his face could not shake her out of it.

He frowned after their initial greetings,  “You miss home.”

“Yes.”

“We could go to one of your memories tonight.”

She startled at the thought.  It hadn’t even crossed her mind recently though she knew it was possible.  Solas had mentioned it back in the beginning and she imagined he relived his own memories on occasion.  Perhaps that was part of what was keeping him occupied all this time away from her.

And there her mind went again, back to him.  She sighed turning her attention back to Sherlock, “I’m not sure.”

“It would not be hard.  I could do something similar to things here.  Something easy.”

She looked around the room for a moment as she thought.  In truth she was tired of having to hide away even in her dreams.  Sick of always being on guard.  Enough was enough.  Solas wasn’t even around and if he did suddenly decide to seek her out, then fuck it.  She’d deal with it when it happened.  

She lifted her chin and smiled at Sherlock, offering her hand, “Alright.  I give you total control so I don’t accidentally hurt someone.  Just pick a warm one, ok?  I’m so done with the snow.”

His eyes brightened and he took her hand, “Ok.  Close your eyes.”

She smelled it before she felt anything.  The tang of salt water and seaweed filling her nostrils as she inhaled deeply.  Next came the crashing sound of waves and the humid warmth.  The feel of the sun kissing her skin as the breeze pulled at her hair.  The sand shifting and pushing between her toes as the tide swept cool against her ankles for a moment before disappearing.  

When she opened her eyes they opened to a beautiful expanse of deep blue, sparkling as the sun reflected off the surface.  The ocean.  Sherlock had taken her to the ocean.  Her eyes took in the rest of the area around her.

She turned to see a large beach home a little ways off.  It was owned by a author friend of her father’s.  One summer when she’d been seventeen the man had let them use it for a few weeks as a thank you for some favor her father had done.  It’d been so much fun.  They’d had the entire stretch of beach to themselves.  

As she stood there she heard hoots of joy coming from her right and turned to find Tess and her best friend, Kit, running toward the water at full blast with surfboards.  She’d almost forgotten what they’d looked like.  Tess petite and brunette just like a spitting image of their mother.  Kit tanned, with beautiful silky dark curls, and deep brown eyes.

Tess shouted, “Last one in gets dish duty tomorrow!”

Another female voice from behind her where the house was, “Girl’s please be careful.”

Emma turned to find that her mother now stood at the base of the stairs watching them.   She had a hand up to her forehead blocking the sun and keeping her brunette hair from wiping into her face.  

Her father came walking down the stairs, his auburn hair identical in color to Emma’s catching the sun and turning to fire.  He placed his hands on her mother’s shoulders.   Whispered something in her ear before kissing her neck.  Emma’s mother giggled and batted at him before they both turned to go back to the house.

Tess’ voice shouted back to Emma over the sound of waves, “Guess we know who’s doing dishes.  Too bad little sis.”

Kit laughed, “Get your cute little ass in here.  Maybe if you whip Tess’ ass at surfing then  _ she’ll  _ have to do the dishes.”

Tess stuck her tongue out before responding, “Or if she whips your ass then  _ you  _ can do the dishes.”

“How about I just whip both your asses?”  She bent down to grab the surfboard that was at her feet and ran full speed to the water.

She swam out finding the right position near them.  She set on her board waiting for the wave.  Her chest felt light and all her senses heightened.  Then the wave started towards them.  Her grin broadening as she positioned herself just so.

She paddled hard gaining speed to ride the wave as it came at her.  Then it caught her.  Her board flew, cutting through the water with grace and speed.  She jumped up to her feet, quickly gaining her balance.  Her hand came out so her fingers could trace through the waves surface.  She shut her eyes and she flew.

When it was over all three girls were laughing.  They whooped before immediately paddling out to do it again. Then again.  They continued on until the sun started its descent.  When that happened they simply set out on their boards letting the ocean rock them, feet dangling into the warm water on each side.

She was content.  At peace.  The sound of seagulls passing by accompanied the music of the waves as the sun continued its path down.  It looked as though it was slowly sinking into the comfort the ocean had to offer.  As it sank it left behind a sky painted different hues of red, yellow, and orange.  Eventually all that would be left was the twinkling of stars.

Emma knew she couldn’t stay that long.  Even now in the back of her mind she could feel morning coming to Haven.  She knew she needed to wake up soon.  But she stayed.  Just a little while.  Took one last look at her sister and Kit.  Then back to the house where her mother and father set drinking wine on the patio.  She took care to memorize all their faces in this moment of serenity.

There was a warm wet streak down one of her cheeks and she swallowed.  She knew what she needed to do now.  This had helped her.  It had helped her to see.  She needed Solas.  She wanted him.  Missed him horribly.  So she would go to him.  It was time to risk it.  She was ready to trust in him completely.  She’d just have to hope he’d forgive her for being such an idiot.

She smiled and mumbled, “Thank you, Sherlock.”  Then, finally, she forced herself to wake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Link to the art that Emma's new outfit is based on is [here](http://pin.it/wkOQzmb) or feel free to just imagine how you think it looks ;)
> 
> This chapter got long. In fact I originally had it split in two separate chapters but after some editing and going over them again I decided it was better as one big one. 
> 
> New update will come tomorrow and Friday. Probably two on Friday since one is a mini-chapter thing. If you have an opinion on how you'd like me to do that (i.e. both at once or a bit spaced out more) let me know. After that I won't be back posting till Wednesday of next week since my hubby and I will be on a long weekend trip for his birthday.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter :D


	43. Resolve

The day after her memory in the Fade she stuck with her decision to spend her remaining time with Adan.  The mixing of basic potions was now something she didn’t really need to focus on anymore which gave her plenty of time to think as she worked.

Though much of her day was spent with the revolving door of emotions the one that continued to hit her hardest was that she missed Solas.  Even more so just how _ much _ she missed Solas.

Sure, she had still seen him over the past few weeks but their closeness had fled.  The ease of being with him was something she desperately desired.  

She missed their talks.  The way he got when he was teaching her something new.  The curve of his lips when he teased her.  How his chuckle made her heart swell.  The deepness of his eyes.  There was so much.  More than she’d thought was possible.  Even the little things she hadn’t realized she’d noted.

On top of that he was the only person who she thought could help her.  The only person who she explicitly trusted would keep her secret.  That he would help her and not do anything that would put her in the line of danger.  

Ivy would never purposefully do that either, but she might by accident, thinking she was helping.  And Ivy did not understand as Solas did.  Solas would be more able to see the possibility of it all.  He would believe her.  

Somehow on their journey she would find a way to repair what had been lost between them.  She would find a way to tell him the truth.  She just hoped she wasn’t wrong about his reactions.

That night she entered the Fade in determined high spirits.  If she was going to be able to break through the wall she had built and tell him, she needed to let go a bit tonight.  To that end she spent her time in the Fade at her piano with Sherlock.

They didn’t have any deep conversations.  They didn’t talk much at all in truth.  Mostly she just played and lost herself in the music.  Everything from Carol of the Bells to Old Time Rock ‘n Roll.  

She even taught Sherlock Chopsticks, much to both their delights.  He was a quick learner and they ended up playing it multiple times swapping who played which part until her face hurt from smiling so much.

By the time she woke up her spirits were high.  She was positive she could do this.  She  _ would  _ do this.  Once Solas and her were close once more all would be well.  Once he knew the truth he could help her more.  Maybe he would even know a way back immediately.  Though unlikely, she could hope.

She was ready to admit that she had been idiotic.  

Her competitive nature with him had gotten the best of her.  Giving him the truth had felt too much like rolling over and letting him win.  So even after she had come to trust him she had held back.  It had been dumb.  He wasn’t winning or losing anything this way.  

It was time to fix it.

She had put on her new armor and was just finishing the last of her braid when there was knock at her door.  She tied off the braid, leaving the long rope of auburn resting over her shoulder.  When she opened it Ivy stood grinning at her.  

“Morning!  I found you some apples.”  She walked in and placed her large bag on the floor digging through it.

“Morning Ivy.  You didn’t need to do that.”

Ivy straightened pulling two apples out of her pack and handing them over to Emma, “I know you like them and we’ve got a long day coming.  It wasn’t any trouble.”  After Emma had taken the apples and bit into one Ivy reached out to give the braid a tug, “I like the braid down like this.”

She talked around her apple bite, “Really?  Should I leave it you think?”

“Definitely.  Although that plus your new armor will probably give our apostate palpitations.”

“Ivy…”

“At the very least make sitting on a horse uncomfortable for him.”

“ _ Ivy _ .  It’s just hair not like I’m topless or something.”  Emma turned to examine her room again making sure she wasn’t leaving anything, “Also I’ve told you, it isn’t like that.”

“And  _ I  _ told  _ you, _ you should uncomplicate it.”

Confident that she had everything she put the second apple in her bag before she hefted her pack onto her back, “You would think you’d have too much to deal with, what with saving the world and all, to worry about my love life.”

Ivy swung her pack back on and held the door open with a satisfied grin, “Nope.”

As she walked through the door she grabbed her staff that had been leaning against the wall.  Though it was getting easier it still took her a moment to secure it to her back.  When that was done she walked past Ivy giving the other woman a playful punch in the shoulder.

An action she immediately regretted as she shook out her hand, “Owww. Ok in retrospect, that was dumb.”

Ivy shut the door laughing heartily, “Well they told me this armor would withstand hits with swords and arrows.  So good to know that it can withstand one of your super punches.”

“Oh har har.”  

Emma continued smiling falling into step together.  As they walked nearer she could make out the others.  Sera was laughing off to one side with Varric.  Cassandra was chatting over some kind of documents with Cullen, and Solas was checking the saddle of his horse.  There was a notable lack of soldiers there.

“Ivy, are the other soldiers already out?”

She stretched her arms over her head as she walked before she rolled her shoulders, “No soldiers this time.  Just us.  It’s an easy enough journey.  We’ll attract less attention and the group is capable.  We have several camps established in the Hinterlands when we get there.  No need to waste the resources for an escort we don’t need.”

Well that was a relief.  Less people meant less prying eyes.  She was comfortable with most of their group.  Though Cassandra still was not warm towards her it was nothing as bad as having suspicious soldiers watching her every move.  The only downside was she wasn’t sure if this would make it easier or harder to get Solas off on his own so they could talk.  Worst case she could track him down in the Fade, but she’d rather have it done with before that time.

When Cassandra glanced up and caught sight of them she motioned to Ivy speaking loud enough for them to hear, “Herald, would you come here please?”

“Sure Cassandra.”  Ivy nudged Emma, “Duty calls.  Again.” and with an exaggerated sigh she went over to Cullen and Cassandra.

Emma watched her for a moment before her eyes settled back on Solas.  His own eyes trained strictly on the horse in front of him as he brushed the animal’s neck.  She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and put on her best smile before she walked over to him.

Even when she was in front of him he continued brushing as though he didn’t see her.  She stood on the other side of the horse from him and thought of what to do next.  She was determined to get this awkwardness between them gone but unsure where to even start.

She felt twitchy and her mind kept going to the worst case scenarios.  What if he told her to leave him alone for good?  Or, possibly worse, what if he just ignored her completely?  

She took a deep inhale through her nose and exhaled through her mouth.   _ You can do this Emma.  Just talk.  Nothing will happen if you don’t at least try. _

So she opened her mouth and said the first thing that came to mind, “Cheval.”

Now he finally stopped brushing and his eyes looked at her from over the horse’s back.  “Pardon?”

Gaining a bit more confidence she came around to his side of the horse.  She stood close enough to him that their shoulders almost touched before bringing her hand up to place it on the horse’s neck next to where he held the brush.

“Cheval.”  She gently patted the freshly brushed coat, “Horse.”  Then her hand swept up the neck and back down.  “Le cheval est brun.”  She glanced over at him to find him focused on her hand and repeated what she had said in common, “The horse is brown.”

He repeated the words slowly copying her pronunciation exactly, “Le cheval est brun.”

She brightened immediately, “C’est parfait.  That is perfect.”

He repeated the French one more time then spoke slow and clear, “Safal.  Lovris safal.”

He patted the horse when he said safal.  So safal must be horse and lovris brown.  She repeated the words carefully, unsure at first, and then louder and more certain.  A smile growing in her excitement as she got the sounds right.

“Well done.”  His eyes turned to her face then.  Finally, he was looking at her.  Really looking at her.   He hadn’t truly looked at her in so long.  She watched his features soften as his eyes took in her face.  The area around her was lost to her senses, everything focused on him.

So when Sera spoke from directly behind her she actually jumped earning one of Sera’s snorting fits of laughter.  “Why are you so jumpy, then.  You weren’t going to bang bits right here.  Right?”  Then she turned serious, “Wait seriously, you weren’t yeah?”

The tension had been a bit much so she wasn’t particularly sorry for the release of it, “No Sera.”

Solas spoke then, “Sera, do you not have your own horse to attend?”

“Is that what you were doin’ then?”

When he spoke he raised one brow, “Yes.”

“No fun.  None.”  Sera turned to go to her horse.

Emma turned to speak once more to Solas only to find him mounting his horse.  As he did so she got a good glimpse of the strong muscles of his thighs.  At which point any words on her lips were lost.  So was any sense, apparently, since she simply stood there blatantly staring at the thigh closest to her even once he had settled on his horse.

When he spoke there was no hiding the hint of amusement in his voice, “I believe the Seeker is eager to be on route.”

A flush filled her cheeks and her eyes darted up to his face just long enough to see his lips turned into a smile.  She looked away again and turned mumbling, “Yeah.  That’s yup.  Horses.  Riding.  Good, all good.”

By the time she was on her horse all the others were settled in except Varric.  After a few exchanged words with Ivy he walked over to Emma.  She looked down at him tilting her head a touch, “Where’s your horse Varric?”

“I’m sitting this one out, Kitten.  Things to do here.  Can’t say I’m exactly sorry to not be traipsing up more hills.  Here,”  He reached down into the pouch at his side and pulled out a rectangular object wrapped in brown paper, “It isn’t a large volume but it is in Elvhen.  All I could dig up for now.”

Her face brightened as she took it.  “Thank you, Varric!”  She twisted so she could slide it into her saddle bag next to her other books.  “I’m surprised you were able to get it so fast.”

“I have my ways.”  He winked, “Try not to get yourself killed.”

“I’ll be back to annoy you more.  Don’t you worry.  Try not to get too bored here while we’re gone.”

He laughed, “Oh you don’t have to worry about that.  Safe journey.”

“Till next time, Varric.”

As Varric stepped away from the group Cassandra gave a wave of her arm and they started forward.  Cassandra sitting quietly in the front while Sera and Ivy laughed and chatted side by side.  Emma rode close behind them and Solas came up in the rear.  

She stayed where she was for at least an hour in the hopes that he would ride up to her.  When he didn’t she gave in and rode up to the Sera and Ivy who were now both working at teasing Cassandra.  The rest of the day was spent with mixed intervals of easy silence and idle chat.

Cassandra found a nice open area a bit of the trail to make camp before the sun started to descend.  They all got off their horses, each one freeing the mounts of their saddles and brushing them down before tethering them where they had access to some food and water.

That done Cassandra looked around the camp thoughtfully, “If you don’t mind Herald I’ll give assignments tonight.”

“Sure, Cass.”  

“Sleeping arrangements are set up for the Herald and I to share a tent.  Sera and Ella will have a tent.  Then Solas may have his own.”

“One problem, yeah?”  Sera gave a grin as she shot a glance at Emma, “I forgot the tent.  Guess we’ll have to do somethin’ else.”

“Oh shame, Sera.”  Ivy said in a mock horror that was a clear indicator to Emma that this was no accident.  “Cassandra’s tent isn’t big enough for four.  Guess the only thing for it is for Sissy to share a tent with Solas.”

Emma’s jaw dropped.  She’d slept in his quarters sure but a tiny tent was not the same at all.  “I--- that isn’t…. I mean I don’t think he would---”

“I am not opposed to this arrangement.”  He had already started his tent set up.  He glanced up at her for a beat before his eyes went back to the work in front of him, “That is if you are agreeable to the idea.  If you are not, I do not mind sleeping outside.  I have done so often.”

“I don’t see why she wouldn’t be.”  Ivy grinned an disgustingly sweet grin, “After all  _ friends  _ share tents all the time.”

Emma mouthed,  _ I hate you. _

Ivy winked and blew her a kiss.

Cassandra continued, “Very well.  Now that’s settled we have the other duties to take care of.  Once tents are set up Sera can go hunt.  Herald if you would collect wood with me then set the fire.  Solas I imagine you have protections to set around the camp?”

He finished the last part of his tent and straightened, “I can.”

Sera groaned, “Ugh magic shite.”

Cassandra ignored her and continued, “Ella tonight you can be in charge of the cooking.  We have some ingredients already available.  Whatever Sera catches will be used in the following days.”

Emma blanched, “I don’t think you want me to do that…”

Cassandra raised a brow, “You have a problem with cooking?  We will be rotating assignments.  It is not a---”

“No it isn’t so much that  _ I _ have a problem with cooking.”  She picked at her sleeve, “More like cooking has a problem with me.  Really, trust me when I say you don’t want me to cook.”

Cassandra shook her head, “I am sure you exaggerate.  You have created some of the best potions we have.  You’ll be fine.  Just make soup.”  

Emma felt a blush and wash of pride at the easy compliment about her potion skills, from Cassandra of all people.  It was soup.  Simple soup.  No crazy ingredients or spicing just soup.  She could totally do this.

“Ok.  I’ll try my best.”

As night fell she discovered that was a false statement.  She totally couldn’t do it.  Her curse of always being defeated by the kitchen continued even when there was no actual kitchen.

Ivy had poured her bowl out with a shrugged apology.  “Sorry sissy but that’s just bad.  I’m not even sure what that taste is.”

Sera took another experimental sip of hers before scrunching up her face and making gagging noises, “Burnt feet.  Pretty sure this is what burnt feet tastes like.”  She took another bite, “Pleh ugh got up my nose that time.  Krone.  Burnt nasty pickled krone.”  She slushed her bowl around, “Can you make this when we get back?”

Emma raised her brows, “Why would you  _ want _ me to?”

“Reasons….”

Cassandra set her bowl aside, “I apologize for not listening to you.  In the future you can help gather wood or help Solas with his wards.”

At the mention of his name Emma’s eyes went to him sitting across the fire.  He spoke to his bowl, “I have had worse.”  Then he took another bite trying to keep the grimace from his face as he swallowed.

She couldn’t help the giggle that bubbled forth.  Quickly she stood and went over to him grabbing the bowl from him.  “Solas.  While I appreciate the gesture, stop.  I am under no delusion that this is edible.  I’ve always been a deplorable cook.”

He gave her one of his soft smiles and she felt her heart melt as he spoke so only she could hear, “You have plenty more admirable qualities.  A lack of cooking skills is a small thing when it comes to everything else about you.”

As he held her gaze she swore the current between them was a tangible thing, “You--”

“I have jerky in my bag if anyone would like some.”  Cassandra’s voice reminded her they weren’t alone and now was not the time.

Ivy let out a moan of annoyance from her spot as she looked at Solas and Emma.  “So close.” She clenched her fists as she said it.

Cassandra had missed the whole thing and Sera was still trying to puzzle out what exactly the nasty taste was most similar too.  Probably also planning how she could use it for whatever evil plots she had brewing.

For the rest of the night Emma was only half listening to the conversation around her.  Only paying just enough attention to not seem odd.  In truth her mind was already working on when she could get Solas somewhere to talk.  The tent was too… well it just wasn’t what she wanted to open with.  So she would wait until she could steal him away from camp without the others knowing.  

It had to be perfect.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey if any of you see my impulse control around could you ask her to come back home to me? Thanks.
> 
> Seriously though, I couldn't resist because I am SO super excited about things with the next chapter and I've been sitting on them for weeks. I'm so ready to share it all hahaha. So this way you get the next chapter tomorrow <3 and I'll just do the mini-chapter on Friday ;)


	44. Solas- Light

It had been torture these past days.  He had watched her grow more distant from him.  Watched as she had given up trying to coax him into teasing.  Resisted when she’d tried to put more than professionalism between them.  Had watched as her eyes grew more lonely.

Not a moment passed that he did not wish to pull her to him.  To soothe the pain from her eyes.  The desire to alleviate her loneliness had become a constant thing to him.  Yet, he knew if he was the one to do it she would only be more lonely in the end.  More hurt.  So he forced himself to stay back.

She let him.  She came to lessons, did the exercises he put her through, then went to work on her potions.  In the Fade she never sought him out.  Although he would watch her more times than he cared to admit.  He would stay out of sight until he sensed that she had felt him.  When that happened, he would leave her.

He had thought of following when he felt Sherlock take her somewhere in her memories.  The temptation had been great.  In truth it was something he should have done.  In the end he had been unable to force himself into something so intimate.  It was a violation that he found himself unable to do to her.

When it came to the journey to Redcliffe he had known the Herald would bring her along.  She was too protective of Emma to leave her alone after the last time.  Part of him was glad.  That part was just pleased to be near her.  To hear her laugh.  Listen to the beauty of her voice.  All things he had come to treasure.  

The selfish part of him found it unpleasant.  Days of being forced to be so near to her but unable to actually be with her.  An outsider looking in.  That was all he had ever been with the others.  Now it had to be the same with her.  He found himself bitter with the thought.

Still, when the day came for them to leave he had seen her coming in her new armor almost the moment she left her lodging.  How could he not?  Indeed he imagined every eye that was attracted to the female sex was on her in that moment.  She was stunning.  

The armor was fitted well, showing her feminine curves and soft form.  Her hair had been braided but left to sit over her shoulder.  The long locks caught the sun making her hair shine copper weaved with orange and gold that would rival the most stunning sunset.  The soft blue of the armor accentuating her skin and making her look as though she glowed from the inside out.

He knew if she neared that the glorious blue of her eyes would be even more obvious against the blue tones of armor.  A blue of a clear summer’s day.  The kind of blue he could find himself completely lost in.  

That was why, when she neared, he was careful to put all his focus on his horse.  The rhythmic brushing, the smell of leather from the saddle, and the warm sun kissing his head.  He should focus on all that.  Not be acutely aware that Emma was now standing on the other side of his horse.  

She mumbled a word he did not recognize.  He could no longer help looking at her over the horse.  Then she had come around to his side of the animal and patted the creature’s neck before teaching him more of French.

In truth that was probably the start of when he broke.  An odd thing.  It was simple and yet somehow it had placed a crack in the thin wall of his resolve.

As they rode he had kept his distance from her once again.  Staying in the back and simply observing.  The easy way her body swayed with the movements of her horse.  The way shadows of trees or clouds would play on her skin and hair.  The curves of her face when she turned to look around her or speak to the others.

When they finally made it to camp it was not a surprise to him that the tents were an issue.  Knowing what he did of The Herald’s intentions, and of Sera, he should have had the foresight to pack an extra tent.  He had not.

Yet when the suggestion that Emma stay in his tent was placed he did not hesitate in his acceptance of it.  Not because he expected anything sexual but because he simply wanted her near him.  He wanted to see the soft rise and fall of her chest.  He wanted to hear her little humms of pleasure as she fell into slumber.  To feel the warmth of her body next to his.  The beat of her heart near his own.

Still he had given her a way out.  One she had declined.  There was another crack in the wall connecting to the previous before breaking into a patchwork of tiny lines.

Then dinner had arrived.  Like the others when she had claimed her lack of cooking skills he had thought it an exaggeration.  It was not.  

One time many centuries ago a friend of his, the term here is used loosely, dared him to eat soup made out of some unknown mixture of kitchen leftovers.  Being young and impulsive at the time, as well as competitive, he had accepted.  It was the worst thing he had ever eaten.  

Until now.

Her soup was a taste that lacked any proper words to describe it.  Somehow she had managed to make it both burnt and partially underdone.  This was a feat he had not known was even possible.  He had still attempted to eat it.  After all she had made it.  By default then it had at least one positive to it.

When the others paused in their commentary he said, “I have had worse.”  Not a total lie.  After all another time when he was young he had fallen face first in griffin dung.  That had been worse.  If accidental.

She laughed then, warm and rich like the finest honey, before she came over take the bowl from him.  “Solas while I appreciate the gesture stop.  I am under no delusion that this is edible.  I’ve always been a deplorable cook.”

That was all it took.  Another crack appeared and he felt the wall starting to crumble.  He spoke his voice low, meant for only her, “You have plenty more admirable qualities.  A lack of cooking skills is a small thing when it comes to everything else about you.”

He felt the connection between them taking full form once more.  A tangible current that seemed to run between them.  It continued to grow and for a moment he thought it might consume him.  That he would happily allow it to do just that.

Then Cassandra’s voice snapped it.  Emma broke away first taking his bowl to clean it out before sitting down in her spot across from him once again.

The party talked for some time.  He mostly listened occasionally adding in things.  He also watched her in the glow of the fire.  The way the flames played on her features and made her eyes somehow seem even deeper.  For her part she participated but he knew her mind was not in it.  It was obvious to him though the others had not seemed to notice.

Solas excused himself earlier than the others.  He slipped into the tent settling himself against one of the far walls to give her space when she came in.  It had been his intent to go into the Fade but he found he could not.  Instead he waited in silence for her to enter.

When she did instead of laying down she crawled over to him.  Her hand came up to gently nudge his shoulder, “Solas?”

“Hmmm?”

“Could you come with me?”

It was unexpected.  Perhaps she sought to avoid initial awkwardness in the tent by speaking outside first.  For his part he doubted it would do much but he set up in his bedroll despite this.  That was enough of a cue for her and she crawled her way out again.

He slipped on his overshirt again pulling his wolf jaw out and over the fabric once more.  Then he made his way out of the tent to find her standing there waiting for him.  He thought of asking her what was going on but for some reason he feared it might break the spell that seemed to have fallen.

She hesitated for a moment after he was completely out of the tent before she reached down taking his hand.  This was the first time touching her skin since he had healed her wrist.  The effect was instant.  A tingling sensation made it’s way through his being and he became hyper aware of her every movement.  Hyper aware of the softness of her hands, the way her fingers fit with his, and the warmth of her palm as she guided him away from camp.

They walked to an area that was more devoid of trees before she stopped.  She released his hand with what he dared to think was reluctance before she started to remove her cloak.  She laid it out on the ground then eased herself down on her back on top of it.  

She did it so there was empty cloak left on the ground next to her.  Her hand came out and patted the bare section of her cloak.  Without a word he too went to lay on his back, knees bent to match hers, the heat of her body still felt on the fabric beneath him.

They just stayed there like that looking up at the stars in silence.  He felt more peaceful in this moment then he had in a long time.  The contentment grew when he felt her hand brush questionably against the back of his.  He twisted his wrist so his palm would face up and she slipped her hand into his.  Their fingers twining together perfectly.

Only then did she speak her voice incredibly soft, “The stars are different here you know.  Where I’m from most places are too bright to see them anymore.  Light pollution it’s called.  Even if you could see them the constellations are different.”

Given his current emotional state, it took him several beats to truly register what she had said.  The stars were different where she was from?  Could she actually be finally telling him?  He wanted to sit up.  He wanted to see her face, watch her expressions, but he feared if he moved she would flee.  Instead he waited.  Listened.

“We have the Big Dipper and Little Dipper.  I don’t think those have stories.  Then you have all the zodiac signs that do have stories.  Taurus the bull.  Leo the lion.  Pisces the fish.  Or is pisces the twins?  To be honest I get them all mixed up after Taurus and Leo but there is one for every month.”

So then she was from one of the far away lands they had yet to have explored.  The ones he had only heard tales of.  Not surprising they would have different---

“We also don’t have two moons.  Only one.  That took me awhile to get used to here.”

That was not possible.  Not if she simply lived in an unexplored land.  So what?  He had heard of that there were other planes of existence, other worlds.  There were whispered tales that he came across on rare occasion in the Fade.  None had ever been substantial.

It would be the most unlikely truth to her story.  Yet it made sense when he truly thought of it.  All the differences.  The language he could not find anything on, no matter how he had searched the Fade.  The oddity of her dress.  Her complete lack of knowledge of the most basic things those first weeks.  Her disbelief in her own magical capabilities.

He had been quiet for too long.  He felt her hand tremble slightly, “Do you not believe me?”

“What is it called?”

“My world?”  Still afraid to move too much lest he break the moment he simply gave her hand a reassuring squeeze in affirmation.  She took a breath before continuing, “Earth.  I live on a land mass called North America.  In that a region called Oregon and even more specifically I live just outside of a city called Portland.”

It was a lot for him to try and assess.  As his mind worked he tried to sort out the most relevant question he could, “How do you come to be here?”

She gave a soft self-deprecating chuckle, “I was stupid.  Curious.  There was one of those rifts in the woods near where I would jog.  Until recently I thought it was some stupid bit of chance.  Now I know it was bait and I was just the first one stupid enough to take it.”

To set a trap like that between worlds must have taken an incredible amount of strength.  That or magical strength and knowledge of the veil.  Not only that but whoever had done it would have had to do it at just the right moment.  Even he would have been unsure when that was or how to make it happen.  

He heard her taking a shuddering breath, “I’ve been so lonely.  You keep a secret big enough and it’s like a fortress.  No matter how many people you’re surrounded by you’re still completely alone.”

It brought him back to her.  To this moment.  No wonder she had kept it secret.  This made her even more rare.  Assuming someone would have believed her there was a high likelihood they would have tried to experiment on her to learn more of the whole situation.  Or imprison her.  Use her.  Or kill her outright.

Now he could sit still no longer.  He set up and pulled her to him.  She stiffened at first startled but then rested against him even pulling herself to curl into his lap.  Her arms wrapped around his stomach as his held her close.  His lips pressed to her hair.

“I will get you home.”

It hit him then.  If he sent her back he would not only be sending her to her home but he would be sending her where she could live out her life safely.  She could live even with what he had to do here.  She would be safe.

He felt her stiffen against him as she mumbled into his chest, “There is one more thing you should know just…”  she took another deep breath, “Do you remember when you came upon me with Desire?”

Vividly.  As was the way with all his memories of her.  “Yes.”  

“The man she took the form of.  He was… is… my--” another breath, “my husband.”

He brushed a hand over her curls holding her close still as he let himself kiss her head.  She had a husband there.  In this other world.  It was not surprising.  Of course she would.  He would send her back knowing she could be happy.  That she would have love.

The tightness in his throat and chest at the thought of her with another man was temporary.  He had no right to it.

He spoke into her hair, “I understand.  It is alright.”

She gripped his shirt burying her face into his chest, “You’re the only one I feel like I’m not completely alone with.  I don’t know why but I feel like… like you can understand. Like…”

“I too am a puzzle piece that does not fit?”

A moments hesitation, “Yes.”

With gentle movements he separated himself from her and stood, offering her his hand as he said, “Come let us go to the Fade.  I have something to show you.”

She took it without hesitation.  Once she had reached down to pick up her cloak he moved his hand so their fingers were entwined again as he lead her back to camp.  She had calmed some but he wished to soothe her more.

He spoke softly, “Those objects you had.”

She gave a soft giggle that was like music to him.  Then she spoke keeping her voice low also.  “I trust the keys were obvious.”

“Do not tease.”  But his own voice was playful as he said and he gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“The rectangular device is a cell phone.”

“Cell phone?”  Cell was a word he was familiar with but phone was foreign to him.

“Yeah.  It is a device you can use to communicate with anyone anywhere in my world.  So say I am somewhere in Fereldan but you are in Orlais.  With the my cell phone I could dial a series of numbers that work as identification for your cell phone and we could talk as soon as you answered the ringing.  Talk as clearly as we are now in most cases.  You can also send text or e-mail which are…” She pondered for a moment.  “Like letters but you can send and receive them instantly.”

That sounded incredible.   Although… “I would have assumed there was no magic in your world.  Given your reaction to first discovering your abilities.”

 “There isn’t.  The cell phone is an invention made using advances in technology.  It uses different companies who establish cell towers and satellites.  The signals from the devices are binged off the towers and or satellites and sent via air waves to the other devices.  At least I believe that’s the rough idea.  To be honest I’m not much of an expert.  I’m more of a random facts and trivia girl.”

They neared camp as he tried to understand what she was saying.  “That is--”  

She squeezed his hand and leaned towards him, the brush of her body against his arm sent a shiver of satisfaction through him as she whispered, “I’ll try to explain in more depth when we can talk more freely.  I don’t want to wake the others.”

As they neared the tent he found himself loathe to let her hand go.  To break their physical contact felt nearly impossible.  Still they could not very well sleep out in the cold.  So he released her but first he gave into impulse.  He pulled her hand up placing a soft kiss on her skin before he let her go.

He opened the tent flap for her and gestured for her to go in first.  She crawled in and he followed letting the flap fall behind him.  They both went to work removing their outer armor.  When he had finished with his he saw her struggling with the clasps on hers and reached over without a word helping her to remove them.

Then he went over and slipped into his bed roll.  She did the same, wiggling her body into a comfortable position with a sigh.  Part of him wished she would roll over to press against him but she was already falling asleep.  In truth it would have not been wise to begin with.  So he shut his own eyes and followed her into the Fade.

They entered the Fade almost at the same time and he guided her easily to where he wanted her.  It was a part of his home she had not seen yet.  A place he had not had reason to go to for a very long time.  When they entered she let out a little gasp.  She also was drawn to exactly what he had expected her to be.

The room was a small armory.  Bits and pieces of his past.   One such piece was an intricately designed fitted armor.  It had been his favorite back then.  Back before everything had changed.  

She reached out and ran her fingers along the dark metal, exploring the designs on it by touch.  When she spoke her eyes remained on the armor, “What’s this?”

He could feel a teasing grin come to his lips and saw no reason to fight it, “Armor.”

Now she looked at him from under her lashes.  A look that clearly stated her feelings about his teasing.  

“Ok poor wording.  Why don’t you wear it?  I think it must look truly…” She hesitated on the word but then her eyes flicked back to the armor, “Glorious on you.”

A chuckle bubbled forth at her flattery.  At the fact that he knew her.  The fact that here he was finally showing her some of him back.  He felt freer than he had in a long time even just thinking of it.  

“Perhaps I will wear it for you someday.  Before you return home.  It is armor from when I was much younger.”

She snorted and turned to look at him, “So you were even more of a lady’s man back then huh?”

For a moment he was taken aback, “Pardon?”

“This is _clearly_ the armor of a lady’s man.  I mean…”  She gestured at it with her hand, “Look at it.”

“I had dalliances in my youth.  Nothing serious.  Passing interests.”

“I bet your favorite was to pursue women you shouldn’t.”  She moved closer to him her lip turned into a teasing half grin, “One’s that were a challenge.”

“Some perhaps.  But none who ever expected or wanted more than a mere dalliance themselves.”  He watched her moving slowly closer.  “It has been some time since I had lost interest in such things.”

“Some time?”

“Several hundred centuries at least.  One loses track.”

“Oh is that---”  Her eyes snapped to him now, “Wait what?”

“You know the ancient elves were immortal.  I am one of the ancients.  I awoke from my slumber not too long ago in truth.”

She looked at him and he could practically see her mind going as she spoke, “You’re immortal…”

“Yes.”  Now he was hesitant.  He could not read her emotions at the moment and it made him uncharacteristically anxious.

“Oh Solas.”  When she once more met his eyes the intensity of hers made his heart skip.  It was not pity so much as understanding. “I thought I was lonely.  I’m sorry it must be horribly---”

He put up a hand, “Do not trouble yourself.  I have made many friends in the Fade.  Seen many things.  I have passed time.  As I said, I had long since lost interested in such things as sex.”

When she paused he could see her acknowledgment that he did not wish to go further into this.  So instead she laughed lightly.  She became teasing again and it sent a shiver of pleasure up his spine, “That from a man who will not stop flirting with a woman from another world.  A woman who he knows will leave him.  Who he knows can cause nothing but complications.”

“Your implication is incorrect.”

She was now so close all it would take is one half step and he would be pressed against her.  She even had to tilt her head up as she continued, “Are you attempting to say you don’t flirt with me?”

“No.  I am saying you are no mere woman.”

Now she let out another laugh her eyes bright and playful, “Not a woman.  Should I be insulted right now?  If I’m not a woman what am I?  A goat maybe?  Or do you truly believe me to be a cat now in every sense?”

He could not help his own teasing, “You are a plague.”

“Excuse you.”

He had to work not to chuckle at her indignation.  There was that fire.  One of the many things that made him desire her so.  Such a soft, kind, little thing, and yet so full of fire ready to flare up when needed.  She was everything all in one beautiful form.  

When she was uncertain he found that he wanted to ease her confusion.  When she was all confidence he simply wanted her.  This epitome of fire, the ability to both comfort and rage only made her more irresistible.  

He took the half step closing the distance between them.  His hand went to her lower back holding her close but leaving plenty of chance for her to push from him if she wished, “A curse. A distraction. A preoccupation. An intoxication. A memory I cannot shake though I try.  You have awakened in me those things I thought long dead.”

She tilted her head up to him and her full lips parted just slightly.  This close he could really see all the little details.  The flecks of green and silver in her blue eyes.  The spattering of freckles on her face.  There was one freckle that had placed itself right against one of the soft curves of her upper lip, right where the mouth made a slight upturn.  She truly was magnificent.  

The temptation was too great now.  He had gone too far and could no longer help but try.

His lips came down slowly to meet hers.  He barely brushed against her mouth.  Then again.  Fleeting little things.  He wanted to be sure she wanted this.  He wanted to just capture a trace of her essence for a moment.  The sweet taste of her.

He kissed her upper lip and then her lower.  The hush of their mingling breath enchanting the space around them along with the emotions they were both releasing.  The Fade taking both their feelings and wrapping them snuggly with them.

Finally he could wait no longer.  He brought their mouths together as their mutual desire filled the room.  He held her to him closely.  Let his hands carefully caress her back, her waist, her neck, wherever they could reach, as his lips pressed to hers.

She pulled away just a touch, still close enough that when she spoke he could feel her lips moving against his own, “Solas.”  His name whispered with such adoration, like a prayer, it made every nerve ending in his body tingle all the more.

“Make me stop,” he spoke roughly.  For he should not be doing this but the desire around them was thick and he wanted this.  Oh how he wanted it.  Needed it.

“Don’t stop.”  Her hands reached to the back of his head.  She pulled him down to her once more and opened herself to him.  It was the most delicious thing he had ever experienced.  He felt her tongue dart out to taste him.  To dance with his own.  Then all thought fled.

“Emma.”

Now he seized her lips.  His own tongue meeting hers eagerly.  And she gave back to him.  She moaned into his mouth.  Her skin and scent and heat.  Animal and beautiful and physical.  Lust arced through his body with such force he felt his knees tremble.  

He needed more.  Always more.  

She grasped his waist and both his hands went up to her face holding her firmly against him.  He took her mouth urgently, without leaving either of them any allowance to breathe or think.  Each stroke of their tongues intensified the pleasure.  With each caress he could feel her opening to him more.  

He moved his hands from her face to her hips pulling her roughly so she was taught against him.  She clung to him hot and eager.  He could feel the softness of her legs and breasts pressed to the hardness of his chest and thighs.  She was perfect.  So very perfect.  

It was not until he felt her hands reaching for his shirt.  Not until he felt her searching out his bare skin with her fingers that he realized how far he had let this go.  With all the force of will he had in him he broke the kiss letting his brow rest against hers.

“Emma…”

She let out a small wail of need her voice breathless when she asked, “Why?  I don’t want you to---”

“I know.  Not now.  Not here.”

She let him keep her brow rested to hers as she took a deep sigh, “I don’t understand.  You want it.  I could feel you against my stomach.”

There were so many words that gathered on his tongue.  So much to tell her.  Ways to tell her how he had dreamt of being with her.  To tell her that he had wished for the taste and feel of her far too many times.  None came.

Instead he chuckled softly and moved his brow from hers so that he could place a kiss there, “I want you more than I could say.”

“Then why?  Is it because in my world I am...”

He separated himself from her letting his hand come up to cup her chin, “No.  This world and your world are separate.  I would be with you.  While I can.  However, I will respect your choice should you wish---”

“No.”  She glanced down then back to his eyes, “I… maybe I should wish it but, I want to be together while possible.”  

Relief rushed through him.  They could take comfort in each other.  Have a few stolen moments to hold on to.  Then he would continue down the path he must walk alone and she… she would be safe.  It was enough to experience this even for a short time.   

She continued then, “But if my life in the other world wasn’t the reason, then why did you stop?”

“Because it is dangerous here.  The Fade feeds off emotions.   _That_ would draw a lot of emotion.  I do not want more attention drawn to you at the moment.  Not here.  We do not know who is watching.”

He watched a shadow fall over her eyes at that reminder.  Quickly he added, “Also I would court you properly.  While you remain here for me to do so.”

The shadow lifted from her eyes and the corner of her mouth twitched, “What?  Do you mean ravishing me on the floor of your armory isn’t proper courting?”

An answering smile formed on his lips, “Sadly no.”  He held his hand out to her, “Come.  We have a lot to discuss and Sherlock would be disappointed if he did not get to see you.”

She wrapped her arm around his, snuggling herself against his side.  “Lead the way, mon Loup.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter. I certainly enjoyed writing it! I mean, seriously, it's about time you two!


	45. May The Games Begin - Mini Chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turns out I won't be able to post tomorrow so you get it now before I get off my break at work ;)
> 
> This one is short but I felt it made the most sense to have it's own chapter given it isn't from Emma or Solas' POV.

She was unbreakable.  Even as she set there trapped in this dull space she was strong.  Though she grew more and more tired of reliving her previous hunts, she stayed strong.  Patient.  Knowing that the day would come when she would go on the greatest hunt of all.

The day when she would make the wolf wish for death.  When she would finally grant him his wish, his head would be her greatest trophy.

She felt the time growing ever nearer.  When he had awakened she had felt it.  Felt it keenly.  Then he had made the foolish debacle with his little foci.  Honestly, she would have found that amusing if it did not remind her of the great insult in this whole thing.  

That she had been tricked by  _ him. _  That pathetic little dog of Mythal’s.   Weak.  They were all weak.  Mythal and him most of all.  Yet here she was.  

Trapped like prey instead of hunter.  The whole thing was infuriating.

“Great Andruil.  I bring news.”

For a moment she thought of killing the spy that now interrupted her thoughts.  After all it would give her something to do.  However, it would not be a hunt.  In addition she would lose her best gatherer of information outside of this imprisonment.

So instead she snapped, “What.”

“Better to show you, Great One.”

She sighed but picked up the mirror they used for such things.  It was one of the things she had managed to get to work.  A small crack in his cage for her.  Now that crack was greatly paying off.

As she watched the scene that appeared in the mirror her mouth turned into a feral smile.  “My my.  The wolf has himself a shiney new toy.  Did he sense you?”

“No, Great One.  He was preoccupied.” The last word was stated with the amusement she herself felt.

“Well, what a pleasant surprise for him.  Something to finally make our stuffy boring friend loosen up a bit.”  The scene finished and she tossed the mirror down on one of her lounging couches, “But how rude of him to wave the toy in our faces.  All that emotion.  Like a beacon saying look what I have.”

She looked over to where her spear now set useless in a display case.  The grin widening, “I believe it has been many centuries since any of us have had a good hunt.  What an honor it would be to his little pet if I included her in one of mine.”

“Indeed.  A great honor.”

“It will have to be when the wolf is absent.  He has never been any fun when it came to hunts.”  She walked over to the display with her spear letting her fingers trace its edges.  “It is unfortunate I will not be able to join in this one.  It would be most satisfying.  I trust you will share every moment with me when it is done.”

“Of course.”

“Good.” She turned to go back to lounge and said, “Oh and you should be sure to save her head for our wolf friend.  Give him a pretty thing to look at for what time he has left.”

“Your wish is my command, Great Andruil.”

She was going to enjoy this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *insert dramatic and/or evil music*
> 
> Kidding.
> 
> Told you all it would be a short one. Also now you all know Solas had reason to not want to bang there though he was too distracted to realize that they already caught attention. 
> 
> I will say from here on out you are going to see more headcanon and story divergence going from the game. I'll stick to the core concepts, of course, but there will be some differences. Also, the things that happen in the Fade and how that works have always been mostly headcanon anyways. Same with anything to do with Evanuris, Mythal, and all that back end stuff going on. I do try to keep true to what we _do_ know but Bioware has given us precious little T_T. That said, if you ever catch anything that seems really really off feel free to ask me about it :)
> 
> Anyways, I'll still be able to reply to comments today but then you all won't see me around again till Wednesday when I come with a new update <3\. Have a good weekend all!


	46. Sweet Talker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some Monday Solas and Emma fluff.

There were things that should be felt.  She should feel guilty.  She should feel as though what she did wasn’t right.  She should feel more hesitant.  She felt none of these things.

When she was with Solas everything felt  _ right. _  Like finally things had slid into place where they were meant to be all along.  An odd sensation given that if someone had told her this would have happened when she first arrived she probably would have… well caught their curtains on fire.  Then again she wouldn’t have believed any of this could have happened before she came here.  

That was the main reason why when he confided that he was one of the ancient immortal elves she had accepted it easily.  That and part of her had suspected.  It would explain the hints of power she felt from him.  Power that she swore was growing more.

He knew so much.  When he got drawn into something he was saying he would often sound like someone who was so much older than he appeared.  It was not at all surprising really that Ivy teased him with the old man bit given how he often acted, especially on the surface.

Ivy had been more right than she could have possibly known.  She could practically see her reaction now.  Her I knew it followed by full laughter.  At least in an ideal world.  In truth she wasn’t sure how they would react to an immortal elf in their midst.  She didn’t blame Solas for keeping his secret as she had kept hers.

In the end she would return to her home.  She didn’t have the luxury to do anything else.  All those years ago she’d made a promise and every year since she had gone to make the promise again.  Not going home would never be an option.  

Solas knew this now.  He knew she wouldn’t be here forever.  She had no doubt he would find a way to get her back as he had said no matter his feelings.  It helped now that he knew.  There was no risk of betraying him.  She could be with him while she was here.  She could have this little thing.  This one thing that was just hers.  Just for a while.

When she got home she would just have to live with it.  It felt too right being with him for her to do anything else.  They fit and she was so very tired of fighting it.

Not to mention,  _ if _ she had any fight left in her, it would have fled after that kiss.   _ The  _ kiss to rule all kisses.  That kiss had been the thing of dreams.  She didn’t even know kisses could be that good.  She’d had bad kisses in her life and mind blowing kisses but that kiss had been something else entirely.  The only thing she regretted from it was that he hadn’t given in and taken her right there.  Though she understood his reasons.

Even standing pressed against him felt so amazing.  Which is why she couldn’t help the slightest pout when, instead of walking through the house with her, he did the Fade transport thing to the library.  

Solas looked down at her as she released his arm and chuckled, “Why are you pouting?  I am reasonably certain you enjoyed the kiss.”

Before she could reply Sherlock spoke from his perch on Solas’ desk, “She wanted to be against you longer.  It fits.”

She loved the Spirit but honestly.  “Good to see you, Sherlock but I think we need to put down some rules about  _ not  _ saying all the stuff you read in people’s heads.”

“I do not see a problem.”  Solas was looking at her with that smirk of his, “It is simply his nature.”

Sherlock’s attention had turned to Solas, “He regrets not putting his hand on your---”

Solas’ smirk had turned to a frown, “Perhaps a few regulations would not be unwise.”

Emma giggled walking from Solas over to Sherlock, “See how he is?”  Then she leaned in stealing a glance in Solas’ direction before stage whispering to Sherlock, “Little does he know I’d gladly let him put his hand anywhere he wished it.”

She straightened glancing at him again to find the tips of his ears had gone pink.  Her grin broadened as she hefted herself up to sit on the edge of his desk with Sherlock.  “You’re sure about this whole ‘proper courting’ thing?”

“No.”

Sherlock looked between them then down at the desk, “I didn’t think desks were used for  _ that. _ ”

Emma burst into laughter now holding onto her sides.  As Solas walked over to them,  “Laugh as you will.  He will turn his attention back to you before long.”  

Sherlock spoke again, “I am happy.  You are both lighter.  There is less sadness now.  It is not as thick.”

She felt as Solas softly brushed his hand against her hair when he passed to sit at his desk.  She straightened and smiled over her shoulder at him.  “I do feel lighter.  Less…”

His eyes met hers and that electric current shot through her once more.  He finished her sentence barely loud enough for her to hear, “Lost.”

“Yes.”  She gave him a soft smile then hopped off the desk so she could face both him and Sherlock, “Can you see all emotions Sherlock?”

He thought for a moment before answering, “Yes but I don’t think it is the seeing as you know it.  It is different more tangible and more flowing.”

That only made it more confusing but she didn’t blame Sherlock.  She imagined explaining this kind of thing to someone who couldn’t see it was much like trying to explain color to someone who was blind.  

“Does every Spirit see emotions?”

“Yes.  Though we see certain emotions stronger than others.  Sometimes we don’t sense them all just specific ones.  I could sense you both before.  I did not interrupt this time.”

Both Solas and her laughed.  

She spoke, “Thank you for that.”  She realized if they kept at this they would never get much of anything accomplished tonight.  Especially given that Solas and her had not gone to their tent till later than normal.  So she redirected, “Does knowing where I came from help at all with finding whoever it is that brought me?”

Solas’ brows furrowed, “In a way.  We knew that she was powerful.  This confirms that fact.  I do have help with finding whoever it is.  Someone I trust.”  He seemed to hesitate a moment then change course before saying, “I believe we should focus on ways that we might get you back.”

“I can help.”  Sherlock spoke as he let his legs swing idly over the edge of the desk, “I can look.  I can ask.  There might be someone who would know how.”

She still remembered what happened last time he had tried to help and she went over to him putting her hands on his shoulders so she could look him in the eyes, “I do not want you doing that.  Please.  It’s dangerous.  If something happened because of me---”

“I can be quiet.  Not obvious.  I am curiousity.  I always ask questions.”

Solas keen eyes were watching them both and when he spoke it was slow, thoughtful, “He is not wrong.”

Emma’s eyes looked at Solas over Sherlock’s shoulder a frown on her face.  “Solas.  I do not--”

“Just listen.”  At the look in her eyes he quickly added, “Please.  He is a spirit of curiosity.  It is in his nature to question and discover.  He may move freely here.  There is no risk of him corrupting others.  He may look and listen in places we could not.  He will go unseen where we would not.  I would not suggest such a thing if I thought there was another solution, Emma.”

“I would not have him be lost because of me.”   _ Never again will I allow that to happen.  Never. _

“I want to help.”  Sherlock reached up so he could grasp her shoulders as she grasped his, “I will not be hurt.  I know what to do.  Let me be me.  Being myself will help.”

She looked at him in silence for several moments before she took a deep breath and pulled him to her into a hug.  “If you even have the slightest sense you are in danger you stop.  Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”  He patted her back.

“I truly believe this is our only course of action.”  Solas had stood from his desk and was pacing now, “Your situation is truly unique.  In my centuries of walking the Fade I have come across perhaps a handful of stories regarding other worlds.  None ever substantial.  I had thought them daydreams that had been confused as truths.”

She released Sherlock and her eyes watched Solas, “Why did you believe me then?”

He stopped and turned to look at her, a soft smile forming on his face, “Why did  _ you _ believe  _ me _ ?”

_ Because I trust you.  Because beneath all your masks you are so very good.  Because I understand.  Because you are the only person that has made me feel like I am not alone.  Because somehow you and I are intricately connected. _

All those reasons she thought but couldn’t get out.  The words wouldn’t form properly.  He came to her then in just a few strides of his long legs.  Still smiling his hand came up to brush his knuckles across her cheek, catching a curl and tucking it behind her ear, “I know.”

She felt all her nerve endings catch fire once more.  She was hyper aware of his touch, the feel of his fingers behind her ear.  It felt as though her heart might beat out of her chest.

“Should I leave now?”

Part of her was actually happy for the interruption.  The amount of fluttering that was going on in her stomach was almost to the point of being unbearable.

His eyes glanced up at Sherlock, “No.  You do not need to leave.  But thank you for the consideration.”  He let his fingers graze down the side of her neck tracing a line down to her collarbone that made her shiver.  Then he took his fingers from her skin and took a step away from her.

“I imagine you have questions.  As do I.  For now they will have to wait.  I can feel our companions stirring.”

The others.  Her eyes widened, “Wait.  What are we--- I mean are we…”  She took a deep breath.  “Are we going to tell the others about this?”

He raised a brow, “This?”

She gestured from herself to him, “This.  I mean whatever  _ this  _ is between us.”

“Do you wish to?”

“I…”  Well...  _ that _ was a loaded question.  She took a moment to think over her response, “I don’t even know what exactly  _ this  _ is yet.”  She chewed her bottom lip.

“For now let us just keep it between each other.  If you decide to tell them later, I will support you doing so.”  

He lifted her chin with his fingers and she released her lower lip from her teeth.  His head came down and he brushed his mouth lightly against where she had been nibbling.  Then he pulled away, keeping his hand under her chin.  “Be gentle, my Emma.  These lips are precious to me.”

She couldn’t help the teasing grin in response as warmth flooded her body at his words.  “Only my lips are precious?”

Once more he gave that rich chuckle of his before he kissed her nose, “If I were to list everything we would never wake in time.”

“Sweet talker.”

He bent his head down once more.  This time nuzzling against her neck for a moment before whispering, “Says the woman fishing for compliments.”

“I was---” and he was gone, so she finished to the air in front of her, “not.”   _ Using my own wording against me.  Hmph _ .  But even as she thought it she continued smiling when she looked once more at Sherlock, “Promise me one more time you’ll be careful.”

“Promise.  I will see you when you come back.”

With that assurance firmly in her mind she woke.  Her eyes blinking to clear the haze of sleep.  She turned her head towards where Solas had been to find him straightening his outer clothing over himself.  Already prepared to leave the tent.

She reached over to where she had tucked away her own outerwear and began the process of putting them on.  It was still a bit challenging to clasp on the metal guards on her shoulder and elbows.  As she fumbled she felt Solas fingers over her own.

“May I?”  She blushed but nodded.  As his longer fingers worked to finish putting on the guards he spoke again, “I have a favor.”

“Yes?”

She caught the tips of his ears turn pink and smiled.  He finished her armor before sitting back so he could look at her, “I would like to kiss you before we leave the tent.”

She lifted her hand to his shoulders, letting her fingers make their way to the nape of his neck, “That is a favor I’ll always gladly grant you.”

The corner of his mouth rose, “I thought I should clarify.  Since when I kiss you without express permission you slap.”  

“Ok the first time.  Yes.  There was a lot going on.  The last time I didn’t slap.  Though I probably should have considering you opened it by calling me a plague.”  There was his chuckle rich and deep.  She swallowed and continued, “You know that really isn’t a line I would recommend you use on any woman.”

“You presume there will be other women after you.”

She flushed knowing he was being a flatterer.  Knowing that he was immortal and there would definitely be women after her.  Still, the thought that she might be important enough for him to remember in the years to come warmed her.

“Will you shut up and kiss me already.”

He chuckled, “As you command, my Emma.”

As she leaned in closer to him he brought his hand up to her face.  His thumb brushed along her lower lip before his hand went to the back of her head, his fingers weaving themselves into her loose curls.  When his lips met hers it was sensual at first then harder and deeper till she felt her breath taken from her.

She kissed him greedily and when she felt his tongue rub against her upper lip she opened to him.  He flicked his tongue into her mouth and she brought hers to met him.  Their tongues rolled together.  The movements starting out playful then becoming more urgent.  She felt all sense of time and place leaving her mind as she gave a soft hungry moan into his mouth.

His hand tightened in her hair for a moment before he released her.  When he pulled his lips away she found it difficult to remember how to breath properly.  From the sound of his breathing the kiss had done much the same to him.  

He slid away from her to the other side of the tent.  “What you do to me.”

She laughed, “What  _ I _ do to  _ you _ ?  You’re implying you do nothing to me.”

“I intend to do many things to you.”

“Then why don’t you?  Why did you stop this time?”

He smirked as he rolled up his bedroll, “I stopped because when I have you I intend to make you go mad.  When I have you I want to hear you calling for me.  Moaning in ecstasy.  If I took you now not only would our companions know it but so would all in Haven.”

She blushed and turned to roll her own bedding, “Awfully sure of yourself.”

He finished his bedroll tucking it on to his pack, “Besides I have not had a lover in a very long time.  When I take you Emma it will not be in haste.  It will be slow.  Savored.  Not something to be done in what time we have now.”  He grabbed his pack and started out the tent, “Speaking of, I imagine the Seeker is eager to be started with our day.”  With that he left.  

As she finished packing her things she worked to calm the heat in her face and the fluttering in her stomach.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed the chapter :)
> 
> Edit: There will in fact be an update Wednesday and Friday this week. Turns out I don't have to pick up the extra shifts I thought I'd need to so we should be all good :D


	47. Tempting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Teasing, kissing, and butt grabs oh my

When she left the tent she had expected some amount of teasing.  At the very least a series of suggestive comments.  After all the master plan for Solas and her to be in the same tent had worked.  Yet, she got none.  Not that she was sorry for it, just suspicious.

Instead Sera spent much of the start of their journey looking as though she were still half asleep.  Ivy and Cassandra rode the first part mostly in silence with the occasional exchanged question.  When Sera had brought herself into full woken up mode things started getting louder up front.

Emma for her part rode a little ways behind the rest with Solas.  They were far enough back that they could talk quietly and not be overheard if they wished.  However, most of the time in the beginning was spent in a comfortable silence.  Both of them content to simply be near each other.  Although she would be lying if she said she did not ache to touch him, to feel his touch on her, his lips against her own.  She’d not had nearly enough of him.

For the first time she truly felt peaceful.  Like things would be ok.  She couldn’t afford to think too far ahead.  It was too much to think on how she would handle all that had transpired when she was back home.  Instead she had decided to take it one day at a time.  One hurdle at a time.  That was how she would survive it.   

As they rode the others talking had steadily rose in volume.  For their part they had started quietly exchanging language lessons.

Now was Emma’s turn to teach again.  “To say thank you very much is merci beaucoup.”

Solas thought for a moment before carefully repeating, “Merci beau cul.”  The giggle that burst forth from her was instant and uncontrollable.  Solas looked at her tilting his head and frowning.  “What?”

“It’s---”  She giggled some more and had to take a moment to contain it.  Such a silly thing to find so amusing but with all the stress she’d had lately not entirely surprising she would.  She took a breath and started again, “I said merci _beaucoup_ .  Thank you very much.  You said merci beau _cul._  Which is, essentially, thank you nice ass.”

She saw the twitch of his lip as he stopped watching her and moved his gaze ahead once more, “Merci beau cul.  I will remember to be more aware of my pronunciation.”

She grinned, “You did it again.”

He still didn’t look at her, “It was not an accident, vhen’an’ara.”

She remembered that one from when he had healed her wrist.  Before she could ask what that meant Sera was speaking to them, “Oi what you two babbling gibberish about back there?”

Sera and Ivy must have slowed their horses to bring themselves closer.  Emma hadn’t even noticed, absorbed as she was.  The two of them together was a bit scary.  She was concerned they were plotting something.  

Solas turned to Sera saying,  “Ar dirthan’as ir elgara, ma’sula e’var vhenan.”

Sera’s response was blowing air forcefully out of her mouth.

“Excuse me?”

Sera kept her chin up, “Excuse yourself, whatever you said and what I did, same difference to me.”  

Emma spoke up, “Sera, you did ask…”

Solas gave Emma a slight head shake.  Then he said to Sera, “I’d hoped, well, our people can sometimes feel the rhythm of the language despite lacking the vocabulary.”

“Uh huh?  You know what else is good?  Words that mean things.  Like these.   _Words._ ”  Sera looked at them both, “Not ppbbbttthhh.”

Solas’ eyes narrowed, “Fenedhis lasa.”

Emma remembered learning fenedhis.  He had just said wolf penis something.  Probably go fuck a wolf penis or go suck a wolf penis.  A thought came to her.  If she was right then this was not an opportunity to be missed.

Solas and her were still riding side by side just a bit behind the two women so she moved her horse closer to his and leaned over.  She spoke in a hushed tone, “Don’t go offering others what is mine to do, mon Loup.”

He coughed and looked away, shifting his position in the saddle.  She smiled fairly certain her comment had the desired result.  If only she were in a position to find out at the moment.  

Ivy who had listened to the whole exchange while occasionally chuckling now spoke up so Cassandra could hear, “Cass, I think we are about halfway into the day.  We should stop.  Rest the horses and stretch our legs.”

Cassandra pulled her horse to a stop, “Agreed.”

They all got off their horses and took them over to an area with brush they could eat.  Emma patted her horse’s neck as she looked around.  The trees had started to grow more abundant and the snow less.  As a result she guessed there was some good variety of plants here.

Emma walked away from her horse and started towards the tree line speaking for the others to hear, “I’m going to go look around a bit.  See if I can collect any herbs around her while we rest.”

Cassandra responded, “As you wish.  Just be sure not to dally too long.  I would like to only take a short rest.”

“Got it.”

At first as she searched she was disappointed.  All she found of any use was elfroot.  Then after she had found an embrium.  Then another and another.  Before she knew it she had begun to follow what was essentially a trail of them picking as she went and tucking them away in her herb pouch.

Just as she was standing from picking another she felt a firm grip on her forearm and was swung around.  She might have been startled but she had known it was him.  She’d known the moment he touched her even before he whispered her name like a prayer.

“My Emma.”

Then his lips were once more melded to hers.  There was no slow sweet beginning this time.  Just need, deep, devouring, all consuming need.  Her mouth opened to his once more letting him in, begging him to take her.  Her arms went to wrap around his neck pulling herself up against him more firmly.  His own hands holding her tight to his body.

She’d never understood why people described kissing as melting.  Now she did.  Even as her veins throbbed and her heart felt like it might explode in her chest she wanted to dissolve.  To melt into him completely.  She felt so very alive.  Never had it been like this, her need so intense that the world fell away from her and all that was left was him.

He pulled from her his breathing ragged.  She continued to hold her arms around his neck not allowing him to put too much space between them as she growled, “What do you think you’re doing?”

His hands rested on her hips and she had a moment where she almost laughed.  She imagined they must look like some couple at a middle school dance doing that slow dance foot shuffle.   _Please keep at least a person’s width of space between you at all times._  He had already broken that rule.

When he was able to speak again he replied, “They are ready to continue.”

Her frown deepened and she released him whacking him on the shoulder, “You can’t keep doing this to me.  Next time use your words.”

He chuckled then, his hand going up to catch the one that had hit him, “You did not seem to mind.”

She clenched her jaw speaking through her teeth, “That’s the problem.  Well the lack of follow through after is the _actual_ problem.  You kiss me like that and I expect you to fuck me right here on the ground.”

She actually saw him shiver at her use of the term and saw an opportunity to tease him back a bit as she moved close once more, “Fuck me Solas.  Mon Loup, take me.  I am yours.”

In a motion so swift she barely registered it he pressed her to him again.  Then he thrust his hips rubbing himself against her.  The feel of his arousal made her be the one to shiver now.  Her limbs feeling like jelly.

His lips came to her ear, “Satisfied.  You can have no doubt of my desires now.  If I could take you here I would.  I am close to doing so despite the consequences.  If you truly wish for the others to find out in that way, do continue.”  His teeth grazed her earlobe before he let his mouth trail down her neck to the hollow of her throat.

She spoke breathless, “That’s not fair.  You’re the one that started it.”

This time when he chuckled it vibrated deliciously against her skin, “Incorrect.  You did.  When you said I should not offer others what is yours to take.”

Her heart beat a rapid rhythm under his lips but she managed to get out, “Fair enough.”

His lips brushed one more kiss against her skin before he straightened and met her eyes, “Vhen’an’ara.”  Anticipating her next question he brushed his thumb across her mouth as he said, “Heart’s desire.”

Her stomach fluttered, her pulse going to her throat, as her eyes widened at him.   _Heart’s desire he had---_

“What’s taking so long!?  Did you guys get lost or are you banging?”  Ivy’s voice echoed off the trees breaking the spell they’d fallen under.

“We should return.”  Solas’ hand started to go to her’s then stopped instead going to the small of her back, touching her there for a moment as she moved to walk in front of him.

She glanced back at him gesturing towards his crotch, “Is that going to be uncomfortable while you’re riding?”

“I will adjust.”

She couldn’t help but keep teasing him a bit, “Or… you could just let me help you with that real quick behind a bush somewhere.  Just say we’re taking care of our bodily functions before we get back on the trail.”

“Emma.”

She giggled, “Sorry.”

She could practically see him shaking his head behind her.  When he spoke, however, his tone was light, “It is alright.”  They were about to emerge back where the others could see them.  He came to her side and let his hand cup her ass, “I will simply have to show you the consequences of your actions.  Though the more you do, the more time I will need.”

With that his hand slipped from her leaving a tingling sensation where it had been.  In one stride he was out of the trees leaving her frozen in place.

“Good you’re back.”  Cassandra mounted her horse in one swift movement, “We are still on schedule.”

“Indeed,” Solas went to his horse also mounting, “I see no reason we should not arrive within the fifth day.”

Emma had managed to get her feet to obey her again and was going to her own horse.  She forced words out,  “Five days isn’t so bad.  For some reason I thought it would be longer.”

“Nope.”  Ivy rode up next to her as Emma mounted.  “Just five.  Want to join in a wager?”

The group started down the trail again as Emma responded, “Depends, what kind of wager.”

Sera came to her other side and she was already regretting even asking, “Lady Herald, bets that you and elfy will be banging bits before we get there.  I bet that he is too stuffed up to do it.”

She forced a loud fake laugh then deadpanned, “No.”  before adding, “Plus how do you know we haven’t already banged bits.”

“Hmmm….”  Ivy rode close reaching over and waving her hand in the air behind Emma’s head.

“What are you doing?”

“Testing the air.  Solas does it all the time with the veil---”

A voice from a little behind them, “I do not _always_ talk about the veil.”

Sera straightened and put on what was her version of a Solas impression, “The veil is wobbly here.”

Cassandra chimed in, “Certainly not!  It’s much more squeaky.”

Emma couldn’t help the grin that grew on her face.  Especially considering it was rare to get a glimpse of their serious Seeker’s humor.

Ivy waved her hand once more, “I’d say it’s a bit slimey.”

“What?  Let me check.”  Sera tilted her head and stuck her tongue out before saying, “Sensing.  Sense-y.  Definitely wobbly.”

Solas let out an exasperated sigh of defeat from behind them.

“Anyways,” Ivy stopped waving her hand around and placed it on her hip, “I can definitely still feel the tension between you two.  Honestly, the sexual tension gets any stronger you’re probably going to suffocate us all.”

“Is this really all we have to talk about?  I mean, there’s a hole in the sky.”  Emma lifted one of her hands starting to count off, “Demons popping out.  People want to kill you.  The Chantry hates you.  The Templars hate you.  And the mages may have a plot against you or may want an alliance suddenly.”  She put her hand back to the saddle before adding, “Oh and I believe that unless you close the Breach the world is basically ending.  Did I miss anything?”

“Leliana is worried about the Wardens.”  Ivy added with seemingly zero concern on any of it, “Which reminds me.  Cass, Leliana wants us to go see if we can track down a Warden while we’re near the Crossroads.  She’s heard that one might be there.”

Cassandra gave a soft sigh, “I am unsure if there is actually a problem.  I trust Leliana but the Wardens have always been mostly out of reach when there is no Blight.”

Ivy shrugged, “Hopefully, it’s nothing but it’ll make her feel better to know.  Besides it can’t hurt.”

“That’s true.”  Cassandra looked over her shoulder at them,  “I am not against it.  Leliana does much for us.  We can certainly do this for her.”

This was a somewhat exciting thing for Emma.  She’d heard of the Grey Wardens.  Especially of the Hero of Ferelden.  She was curious to actually meet one.  Perhaps she, or he, would not be opposed to answering a few questions.  Maybe the warden had even met the Hero Of Ferelden.  It would be most interesting to get first hand knowledge about the woman.

They continued on for what must have been several more hours at least.  Solas had ridden up next to Cassandra and they’d been having quiet conversation off and on.  Emma meanwhile was starting to realize that a bored Sera was really a problem for everyone.

Once again Sera started, “Ok I see something that is---”

“A tree.”

“You using magic shite on me, then?”

“Sera, you’ve done I spy about eleven times now.  Ten out of eleven times it was a tree.”  She looked at her, “The only time it wasn’t a tree was when you saw that rock that looked like a butt.”

She snorted laughter, “That was bloody brilliant yeah.  Ass rock.  Shoulda brought it with us.”

“That was a huge ass Sera.  Where would have put it?”  

“Dunno.”  She shrugged, “Woulda figured somethin’ out if Cassandra hadn’t said no.”

“I should’ve taken it anyways.”  Ivy sighed, “Then I could have put it as a big decoration in the Chantry.  It would have been the Herald’s Holy Ass Rock.  All official like.  People could come touch it for my blessing.”

Sera doubled over her horse in laughter, “Ass blessing.”

Emma shook her head but gave up on trying to keep a serious face, “You both have some messed up thought processes going on.”

Ivy leaned over patting Emma’s shoulder, “But you love us. So what does that say about you?”

“I don’t want to think about it too much.”

Cassandra pulled her horse to a stop up ahead.  “I believe I hear a stream in that direction.  It must be near.  That would be a good place to set up camp.”

“Sounds great.”  Emma shifted in her saddle ready to give her bum a break.

They all got off their horses taking the reins to lead them into the trees.  Cassandra went first then Sera and Ivy.  Emma stayed back to walk with Solas.  They walked so that they were able to walk next to each other in between the horses.  

It wasn’t like they could really talk but she just wanted to be near him more.  He must have felt the same because he moved closer to her.  His arm from elbow down brushing against hers as the back of his hand and fingers sought her own.  Warmth filled her being at the simple gesture and she caressed her hand along his till her fingers were in his palm.  Without hesitation his own fingers closed around hers giving her hand a squeeze.  

After a beat they got to the area of the stream where the others had picked to set up.  Solas released her with one more squeeze.  

She should really stop smiling like an idiot.  Ivy might ask questions.  Alas, no matter how she tried to school her face she couldn’t.  At that moment, she felt very much like a young girl with her first crush.

They set up tents and got assigned jobs again.  This time Emma helped gather the firewood for the night before going to help Solas with any remaining wards.  She couldn’t decide if it was a good thing or not that they were still within eyesight of everyone as they worked.  On the one hand it would prevent her from jumping him.  On the other hand it would prevent her from touching him and, well, jumping him.

As they finished up the last of the wards he kept a neutral face as he said,  “I think it would be best if I do not join you tonight when we are in the Fade.  Not for a while in truth.”

She paused in her work frowning down at the ward and swallowing.  It was true in a relationship that it was always good to have your own space.  She’d always been someone who believed it was part of a healthy relationship to have your own things.  It was just, they were still so new.  In addition to that, though they were technically together in the waking world, they weren’t really able to show it except for hidden moments.  Still…

“I understand.  Of course I respect you having your own space.  I will---”

“Emma.”  He had started towards her stopping when he remembered the others could still see him, “It is not that I do not wish to be with you.  Quite the opposite.  I am unsure that being there with you is wise.  It is…”  He took a deep breath shook his head, “It has been a long time.”

It took her a few moments before she realized what he meant.  Then when she did her expression softened instantly, “I see.  I’d say that there is no fear but my desire for you is…” _strong.  So very strong.  It even scares me a little sometimes._

She saw his fingers twitch, “I know.  That is why I think this is wise.  I would not put you in danger.  You should stay at the house.  In the Fade.”

“Solas…”

“It is not an order.  It is an offer.  A request.  If you chose not to I will not stop you.”

She paused then spoke slowly, “I don’t want to keep you from your area, Solas.”

“I enjoy spending time in other areas of the Fade.”  He smiled, “Do not trouble yourself.”  He glanced at the fire where the others were talking, “We should go back.”

She finished the last of the ward and stood giving him a nod.  They went back to eat, spending some time chatting around the fire before they all headed to their tents.  Solas and her stayed in their separate bedrolls, though they did sleep with their hands clasped.  

In the Fade Emma respected his wish and spent time with Sherlock.  She wanted to work on teaching herself more of how to read Elvhen so she had taken to working on that.  Sherlock was like a living language dictionary.  When she was stuck on a word he would provide it with enthusiasm.  Often even before she had time to vocalize that she needed him to.

As for the waking world, the hand holding was sweet.  It still made her heart speed.  His touch still felt like a jolt of happiness to her system.  Yet, she wanted more. The following days they were unable to steal anymore kisses.  Solas flat out refused to kiss her in the tent anymore and they were unable to get away from the eyes of the others.  Even then she was uncertain he would risk it.

The following days and nights went much the same and she found herself growing increasingly sexually frustrated.  That was until their last night before reaching the camp near the Crossroads.  That night, Sera happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed.
> 
> P.s. no she isn't going to bang Sera just in case that passed through anyones mind. Sera and Ivy are just going to give another ~~shove~~ gentle nudge for those two to go in the right direction.


	48. *Solas - Lizards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My take on the whole lizards in the bedroll banter ;)
> 
> I'm posting this super early this morning because I wanted to post before I left for work. I figure posting NSFW chapters at work might not be the best idea ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

The first day had been blissful if tortuous.  The kisses they had stolen from each other delicious.  Then he realized the more kisses he took the more he wanted.  The more his body ached for her.  Kisses would not be enough.  He wanted her.  Needed release.  

His need was great.  As was hers.  He felt it in her reactions to him.  The way she moaned into his mouth.  How her hands sought for him.  The way she rubbed against him.  If they kept it up he  _ would _ lose control.  Both of them would.  If he thought she might stop him perhaps he could go on with the kissing.  After all, he would never take a woman who did not want to be taken.

He had no doubt that she would not stop him.  That she was almost as full of need as he was.  Separating himself from her was all he could think to do.  

His reasons for doing so in the Fade were honest enough.  Doing something like  _ that _ drew attention.  She did not need that.  Nor did he.  He would certainly not put her in danger simply because he had never desired to join with someone as he did with her.  Simply because his need was a physical ache.

The reasons for staying away in the waking world were more complex.  Partly true that a tent would not be ideal.  Definitely true that he wished to take his time.  To savor her.  To give her all the pleasure he could give.  To make her scream his name in ecstasy.  

There was more.  He was afraid.  Afraid of the intensity of it.  Afraid of what it might mean.  What it might change.  Afraid of how much harder it would be to let her go as he must.  Sure that she deserved more than the half-truths he offered.

Still it hurt him to see the growing uncertainty in her eyes.  The frustration she felt.  Though she tried to hide it she could not.  Not from him.  He knew her.

Not only had he come to know the emotions written on her face but the tones of her voice as well.  The silken chords of her teasing, the burning flames of her anger, the brightness of her amusement, and the clarity of her honesty.  The little things she did.  How she bit her lower lip when she was nervous or unsure.  How she would sometimes drag a knuckle across her lip and nibble it when she was thinking deeply.  

The way her hair never seemed to be anything but a glorious mess of russet curls no matter how she tried to style it.  How those same curls looked fanned out around her as she slept.

Her eyes most of all.  Those deep blues that seemed to see him.  Truly see him.  Not his ears.  Not an apostate.  Not some asset.  Him.  Even after she knew he was immortal.  Not only did she seem to see him but she did not back away from him.  Instead she begged for more.  As he begged for more of her.

Even as he swore to himself to remain strong.  Even as he continued to say it was for her.  He could feel himself wavering.  In truth the only thing that was a surprise about that night was that he had been able to restrain himself from doing more.

He should have suspected something.  The moment he heard The Herald and Sera giggling off on their own he should have known.  Should have prepared.  But then how would he have even guessed at lizards of all things.  Not to mention the curiosity of exactly  _ when _ Sera had managed to sneak them into his bed roll.

Not that any of it mattered in the end.

He had prepared for sleep as usual.  Glancing over to watch as Emma snuggled down into her bedroll.  When he stuck his feet in his attention was immediately drawn to his own bedroll.  Also to the lizards that were now attempting to crawl all over him.

He must have made some noise because Emma was sitting up looking at him.  “What is---”  

Then she saw the lizard that was trying to climb its way up his shirt.  Her eyes went from the lizard up to his face then back to the lizard.  He watched as her shoulders began to shake followed quickly by the burble of laughter.  It should have made him more irritated.  Instead the sound of her laughter chased any irritation away.  And just like that, the wall that had started between them again started to crumble away.

He did not bother to hide his smile as he spoke even though he kept his tone flat, “I am glad one of us is enjoying this.”

She gave an adorable little snort as she tried to stop her laughing, “I’m sorry it’s just---”  More laughter.

“Excuse me.”  He slipped out of his bedroll with as much dignity as he could muster with lizards hanging on him.  “I am going to go empty my bedroll of the other occupants.”

As he started to duck his way out of the tent she grabbed the sleeve of his undershirt, “Solas.  Mon Loup,” She hadn’t used that term since he had asked for the separation.  It’s renewed use warmed him more than he cared to admit.  She continued, “Just leave it outside with the lizards for tonight.  My bedroll will fit us both.”

That was a horrible idea.  He needed to say no.  Instead he said, “If you do not mind.”

Her smile brightened, “Not at all.”

Careful not to let anymore lizards out, he dragged his bedroll from the tent.  There were a few lizards still clinging to him that he had to pull off.  Including one that had managed to crawl partly up the leg of his pants.  With that done he paused half a beat outside of the tent.  Took a deep breath.  Then went inside.

She was waiting for him.  Her cheeks with that soft pink tinge of her blush and the bed roll pulled back on one side for him to join her.  In the back of his mind he knew something would change if he did this.  

He got into the bedroll beside her placing his head next to hers.  She was on her side and snuggled against him.  Her hand came out to rest on his chest as she whispered, “Is this ok?”

“Yes.”

He moved his arm so it was underneath her pulling her against him.  Her soft body pressed along his side.  Breasts against his chest and one leg thrown over his own.  She hummed in pleasure as she snuggled her head underneath his chin.  Unable to resist he kissed the top of her hair before resting his cheek there.

“Solas?”

“Yes, my Emma.”

There was a pause before she whispered so he could barely hear, “I’ve missed you.”

He took a deep breath arm tightening around her, “And I you.  I am sorry.”

“It’s ok.  I think I know why.”  Her fingers traced a few tiny circles on his chest, “But do you think we could sleep like this more often?  It’s… nice.”

“I do not see why not.”  Oh but there were many reasons.  He just no longer seemed to care.

“Thank you.”  Her fingers now gripped his shirt as though he might try and leave her while they slept.  “Good night.”

“Good night, vhen’an’ara.”

He waited until her breathing evened against him.  Waited simply feeling her warmth and taking in her scent.  When he knew she had crossed into the Fade he followed.  This time going to her.  He needed to see her for a while.  Talk.

The moment he entered the library her face brightened at the sight of him.  Never had anyone looked at him as she did.  It made his heart swell.  Made him regret leaving her for even those few days.  Especially when he was unsure just how long they had together.

“You came!”  She hurried over to the desk, “I want to show you something I’ve been working on.”

His eyes took in the room for a moment before turning to her, “Where is Sherlock?”

“I’m not sure.  He did let me know he was fine though.  Just found something interesting to explore.  He offered to bring me along but I was busy here.”

“Oh?”

She pointed at the books and papers in front of her, “Yeah that’s what I was trying to show you.  Look.”

Solas walked around the desk unsure what to expect.  When he looked down his eyes went from the books to the papers.  Then his eyes widened as he realized what it was.  Picking up a paper and not removing his eyes from the items in front of him he reached for his desk chair, “May I.”

Emma laughed lightly, “Please.”

They were translations.  Several pages filled with elvish words and their common counterparts.  Then more pages filled with exact book translations.  In those, some words were left in Elvhen with a question mark, others had been scratched out then replaced with a different translation, but still more had been translated impressively well.  The writing itself was unmistakable.  Messy and cramped as it was, he recognized it instantly.

“Did Sherlock teach you this?”

“I asked him when I would get really stuck on words.  He was like my personal dictionary but mostly I just worked it out like a puzzle.”  She chewed the bottom of her lip before continuing, “I used to do it a lot when I was younger.  I thought it would be harder what with no language dictionary but between the translations you gave me that one night and help from Sherlock I think I’m doing ok so far.”

“Ok.”  He chuckled.  “My Emma.  This is more than ok.  It has only been a few nights.”

She shrugged, “It was a way to keep me distracted.”

He heard the unspoken words.  It had kept her mind busy.  Kept her from seeking him out.

“Emma--”

She must have heard the apology in his voice because she spoke quickly over him, “I had intended to do it for some time so it was a good opportunity without distractions.”

He chuckled and stood, leaning back on his desk in front of her so he could look her in the eyes, “You said you would tell me more about your world.  This cell phone.”

She did that thing with her knuckle before saying, “It’s a bit complicated.”

His eyes were on her lips now and he had to force them back up, “I am patient.”

She took a deep breath, “So it isn’t magic.  It’s…” She paused started again, “In place of magic we learned how to harness electricity.  So like the kind of magic you use when you summon thunder.”  Paused again, “You do that right?”

How he wanted to kiss her.  “Yes. I will teach you if you wish.”

“Oh that would be--” She cleared her throat, “Yes I’d like that.  But anyways so imagine that but they learned how to harness it or rather the particles that make it up.  At least I think that’s how it goes.  I know they use what is called electrical currents in devices which is the flow of those electrically charged particles.”

“Is this common knowledge in your world?”

“If you pay attention in basic science classes.”  She grinned pleased with herself, “Though I was a bit of a nerd when it came to random facts.  Like did you know that a quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.”

“Do you have any facts on kissing?”  He walked towards her closing the distance.

“Uhm,” she stumbled, “It takes 136 muscles to do one kiss.  Or wait…”  He came closer leaving only a hand’s width between them.

“Did you forget?  Perhaps I can help you remember.”

“146.”  She took a step back from him and he halted.  “Muscles.”  She added before she looked down then back up at him.  She took a deep breath and the next words came out in a rush, “You make me feel a little crazy.  Well crazier than normal.  I mean I’m not used to that.”

She fidgeted then.  As though she no longer knew how to rest in her own skin.  Her eyes flitted everywhere on him all at once.  She looked like someone who was famished being offered a banquet but unsure if it would be taken away from her the moment she went for it.  Unsure even how to go about eating it.  Her look was both hungry and confused.  It turned him inside out.

Thoughts fled and he was on her in one stride.  

“Solas I---”

His lips cut off her words.  Her mouth opened to him immediately.  Her hands gliding along the side of his neck to the back of his head so she could pull him closer to her.  Immediately their tongues sought each other out.  She let out a deep need filled moan and pushed closer still to him.  

That’s when he felt it.  The slightest shift in the area.  He had been too focused on her to be sure but it was probably Sherlock.  Still it was enough to remind him where there were and he once more pulled away.

This time anger flared in her eyes, “Again?”

“I apologize.  I should not have---”

“Stop.  I get it here is dangerous but you know what you keep getting me completely wound up and then dropping me.  You think I don’t need release?”  She stepped back.  “Just stop teasing and expecting no consequences.”

With that, she was gone.  Though if he reached out he could still feel her near his body in the waking world.  The warmth of her.  The beat of her heart, now more rapid than before.  He even could feel as she pulled herself from his chest.

She was right.  It was not fair.  It was not as though he was---

He paused.  Reached out more to the waking world.  To sense her essence next to him.  The heartbeat was still going in quick little beats and now her breathing had changed.  It was… his eyes widened.  With a quick push he forced himself awake.

He woke and set up to look over at her still next to him.  Now she was on her back.  One hand tucked somewhere under the covers while the other gripped the fabric on top.  Her face was flushed and she bit her lip as she let out a hushed moan.

“Emma…”

Her eyelids fluttered open, pupils large with desire.  A desire he could smell in the small space.  He had formed a partial arousal when he had been kissing her and now he felt it coming back to life.

She looked at him speaking in a husky voice, “Consequences.  If it bothers you I’ll…” She bit her lip again and let out a little gasp of air as she continued, “Go out to do it.”

The idea of her out there where anyone else could see her was a horrid one.  The idea of her doing this here with him.  Unashamed.  Needing.  It would drive him mad.  Already if he went out he would have to take care of his---

She had shifted pulling herself on top of him in one swift motion.  Her hands went on to his chest and she pushed him down before he could react.  He could smell the wetness of her more clearly now.  The remnants of it still on the fingers of her hand.

“Emma.  What are you---”  

His words were swallowed in a guttural moan as she ground herself against his length letting out a deeply satisfied sigh, “Pleasuring myself.”

He tried to choke out words through the thickening haze of desire, “We should not---”

She rubbed herself against him again and his sentence was lost in another low moan.  “Say no now and I leave to do this or...”  Her eyes went from desire filled and petulant to begging in less than a beat, “Solas.”

The tone itself was enough to be his undoing.  Then she clutched for one of his hands, directing it, sliding it under her shirt.  “Touch me.  Please.”

“Vhen’an’ara.”  His tone reverent.  Full of the want he had no right to have. “My Emma.”

He had resigned himself.  Had been so sure he would never touch another person again.  Yet, here she was.

As though of its own free will his hand traced the curve of her waist.  Her skin like silk, smooth and soft.  Much like the sigh that passed her lips as he caressed her, moving his fingers to trace along her spine.   

There was no more fight in him.  If he stopped now he would completely lose his mind from it.  Instead, he brought his hand up to the back of her neck and pulled her down to him.  He kissed her then, like  _ he _ was the starving one and her his banquet.  She was hot and so very welcoming.

As she moved her tongue out to meet his she groaned.  The sound unfiltered and heavy with her desire as she once more rocked against him.  He was hard as iron beneath her both from the friction she created and the sounds she made.  Still he wanted more.  More of her sounds.  Her pleasure.  Her passion.  

He moved his hand from her back to find her hand on his chest.  The one that she had been using to caress inside herself.  Unable to resist he pulled from their kiss and brought the fingers to his mouth to taste her.  Sucking and licking the remnant of her desire off her finger.  The taste was intoxicating.  Sweet and smooth.  Her essence.

She eased herself back to a sitting position so she could watch him.  Then she rocked her hips again.  Swaying them in a steady rhythm against him.  When he had sucked her fingers clean his hands went to her body.  He grasped her hips holding her more firmly against him as she swayed.

She spoke her voice a husky whimper, “Please, Solas.  I need you.  Please need me too.”

As if he had a choice.  As if he did not ache for her body and soul every moment.  As if he did not wish to claim her in the most primal way possible.

As if he were worthy.

She stopped rocking, taking his hand once more, “Touch me, Solas.”  His heart beat a rapid rhythm as she slid his hand under her top and placed him firm against her bare breast.  “Here.”

He had been right.  The perfect fit.  Her nipple hard against his palm in contrast to the soft warm flesh of her breast.  Her hand slid from his going down to grip his shirt once more.  He moved his fingers to pinch and tease her nipple.   She had to bite her lip not to cry out as she arched her back, pushing her breast against his hand.

Then her voice came out in a breathy little whisper of a moan, “Solas.”

_ You are so glorious, vhen’an’ara.   _

“Say it again.”  He could not help himself as he massaged her breast, “My name.  Again vhen’an’ara.”

“Solas.  So good. It’s---”  He had pinched her nipple once more and she lost her words in a moan.

It was too much.  Seeing her like this.  Knowing her pulsing heat was only a little bit of fabric away from him.  Knowing that she was rubbing herself against him and gaining so much pleasure.  Her heat cradling him, hard and thick and desperate for release.

She bent forward her mouth meeting his once more.  Tongue and lips dancing together.  The noises she made were the most incredible song to his ears.

He would not take her.

He would keep his promise.  He would not take her fully.  Especially not here.  

She deserved better than that.

That did not mean he could not give her what she so desperately sought.  He  _ wanted  _ to give her that.

His hand moved from her breast back down her stomach and slipped into the top of her pants.  She was too far gone to even realize it much until his fingers found her clit where she rubbed it against him.  He pinched her, rolling her sensitive nub between his fingers.  This time she gripped the fabric of his shirt to the point he thought it might rip.  Her hair falling to the side of her face and across his chest.

Prepared to push her over the edge, he once more reached up with his other hand and pulled her into a kiss to silence her sounds.  A good thing, for when he released a small shock of magic against her she cried out his name into his mouth as her whole body shook from her orgasm.

He allowed his fingers to slip further down between them.  Feeling his own movement as he searched out her folds.  The wet heat in combination with her orgasm sent him past the point of any thought.

His hand left her pants and both went to cup her ass.  He held her tight to him as he thrusted against her.  Thrusted knowing what was so close to him.  That pulsing warmth of her was something he could feel even through their clothing.  

Already worked up he increased the friction moving his hips in long thrusts against her.  The pleasure built till he felt himself go over the edge.

He was laid bare then.  His pleasure coming hard and hot.  Nearly unbearable.  He shuddered and released his seed.  He continued to tremble as he road the waves of pleasure that ebbed through his body.

She slumped on top of him still breathless from her release.  He wrapped his arms around her cradling her to the top of him as he tucked her head under his chin.  She fit so perfectly against him.  

After a few minutes she said, “Technically you kept to what you wanted.”

He chuckled softly, “Are we going to have a discussion on what constitutes as sex now?”

“Nothing went into anything so I don’t think it counts.”  She paused, “Well other than my fingers.  But,  _ you  _ didn’t actually put any of yourself inside me.”

The fresh memory of her depths so close to his fingertips came to his mind.  The thought of what it would be like bury himself into her completely.  The memory of how she had tasted and the thought of what he would like to do to her with his tongue.  His arousal started to return once again.  

He wandered if it would ever be less potent with her if they were able to fully explore each other.  Somehow he thought not.  Either way, as much as he detested this, he knew he had to get her off of him while what little sense he had regained remained.

Not to mention if he did not clean himself and change out of these pants tonight he would regret it come morning.

“I will, vhen’an’ara.”  He gently eased her off of him as he added, “But not tonight.”

“Not here.  I know.”  She rolled so she was on her back and gave a contented yawn.  

He could not resist bending over her to kiss her nose, then each eyelid, and finally her chin.  Then he set back, “I need to change.  A moment.”

Her eyelids were heavy with sleep but one corner of her mouth quirked as she said, “You want me to help with that?”

“Go to sleep, my Emma.”

She gave another yawn and her eyes shut all the way, “Ok.”

He changed quickly before tucking himself back into the bedroll.  The moment he slipped in next to her she rolled over to snuggle against his side again.  He brought a hand up to play with some of her curls as she slipped into slumber.  

Though he was usually eager to go into the Fade, he found himself waiting for a moment.  He wanted to simply watch her for a while.  To measure the pace of her breathing by the steady rise and fall of her chest.  The way her lips parted in sleep.  How her fingers would twitch ever so slightly now and again.  He listened to the little humms she occasionally made when she snuggled her body closer to his.

For of all the things he had seen, all the things he had done, there were a handful that he wanted seared into his memory forever.  The image of her tonight was one of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There ya have it. Next post won't be till next week. Either Monday or Tuesday.
> 
> At least I left you with some smut to tide you over ;)


	49. Arriving At The Hinterlands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluff for your holiday! <3

It was taking him awhile to join her in the Fade.  She knew her body was still cuddled against him in their tent.  She could still  _ feel _ him.  

Whatever his reason for staying awake she didn’t mind.  She was too filled with satisfaction to mind much of anything.  Overflowing with happiness.  It wasn’t like they’d even gone all the way and she felt like this.  

It made her feel like a teenager just exploring her sexuality for the first time again.  After all adults didn’t dry hump.  Or at least  _ she  _ hadn’t since she was in those early exploration years.  The difference of it now versus then was in the intensity.  And it had been intense.  

The feel of him pressed against her.  The way he held her and kissed her.  The way he gripped her as he brought himself to the brink even as she still shook from her own release.  It had all been so very  _ delicious. _ When he actually entered her she couldn’t imagine what the experience would be like.  

She wanted the chance to enjoy him more.  She’d been a bit lost in her own need this time to truly drink in every reaction of his and she wanted every single one.  Every second of them.  She wanted to make him forget all his troubles, all the pain and loneliness he had endured.  She wanted to watch him completely lose himself to the pleasure of her, as she so easily did to him.

When the right time came that was.  She knew him well enough to know that she would have to bide her time if he were to truly let himself go.  

For right now she felt like somehow expressing the joy that overflowed in her veins.  She decided to play some piano.  After all music had always been a way for her to let her emotions free.  Either listening to it or playing it.  One of the things she missed about her world was the ability to almost constantly listen to music.  

She set down at the piano.  Her fingers brushed over the keys as she debated what she would play.  She hadn’t tried a Yurima song yet.  She shifted through the ones she knew in her thoughts before settling on one called River Flows Through You.

As with the previous songs once she had settled on it her mind immediately conjured the memory of it.  An interesting phenomenon considering she had mostly used sheet music before.  It seemed one of the many wonders of the Fade was that it made even little memories, like the notes on a piece of sheet music, easily accessible.  

With the notes running clearly through her mind she took a deep breath, shut her eyes, and let her fingers dance across the keys.  The music wrapped around her.  It held her close and filled her up till she was floating in it.  When the song ended she let the final notes flow off her before she opened her eyes.

When she did she opened them to Solas watching her closely a smile on his face, “Beautiful.  Do you know other instruments?”

She nodded, “Yes.  Though I’m not sure if they are known here.  I play guitar.  I also did try to learn violin but never got much past the ‘mating cat’ phase since I didn’t practice as I should.  Tried flute.  Was horrible at that.”

He moved to sit on the piano bench next to her, scooting over so their knees touched, “Mating cat phase?”

“Yes.  Where it sounds more like mating cats then any actual music.”  At his raised brow she asked, “Have you heard cats mate?  It’s terrifying.”

His eyes turned back to the keys, “I do not know.  The sounds you made last night were… fascinating.”

Her thoughts tried to scatter from her and she had to work at forming words, “Yes well, in case you failed to notice, I am not in actuality a--” He brought his fingers up to turn her face to him as he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.  When he released her mouth once more she finished with a contented sigh, “cat.”

He let his hand trace a line along her jaw before releasing her, “Would you play something else?”

“S-sure.  Yeah.”  She took a deep breath and thought what he might enjoy.  “How about one by Mozart?”

“Did you know this Mozart?”

She gave a little laugh, “No.  He had passed on long before I was born but he was a master of music.  Sadly he only lived to be 37, wait no 36 I think, but he was prolific.”  She snickered then as she remembered something, “Interesting little fact, his nickname was ‘Woflie.’”

He shook his head as he spoke but his tone was amused, “I suppose you find it a fitting choice.”

“Well I hadn’t really recalled it till this moment but, yeah.  Now I do, mon loup.”

She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before turning back to the piano.  Out of habit she laced her fingers cracking them before shaking them out and placing them.  With a deep intake of breath she once more focused on pulling the music up in her mind.  This time it was Mozart’s piano sonata 11, the short fun bit.   

When she had finished he took one of her hands before asking, “Does that not make your fingers sore?”

“If I played too much I suppose it would.  But it’s like anything else.  You practice enough your body just adjusts to it.”

He brought her fingers to his mouth placing gentle kisses on the tips of them.  Heat rushed through her body as she was reminded of what he had done earlier to those very fingers.  Once he had kissed each of them in turn he brought her hand up to kiss her palm before he released her.

“Will you play another?”

She nodded unable to form words as her mind still remained on the simple pleasure that was his mouth on her skin.

She played a couple more songs for him before it was time for them to wake.  When they did,  they got ready without a word.  Instead there were little touches exchanged between them.  The occasional smiling glance.  

When Solas finished before her and started to leave the tent she could no longer help herself.  She reached out quickly to grab him by his vest.  With a tug she pulled him to her, pressing her lips to his in a soft caress.  He didn’t resist.  Instead he let his tongue flick out to taste her lower lip before he pulled away with a chuckle.

“On dhea.”  His hand came up to brush his knuckles against her cheek, “That is good morning.  But please continue to use a kiss as means of telling me thus, vhen’an’ara.”

She smiled up at him still with that lovely feeling of euphoria pulsing through her, “Perhaps I’ll use both.”  She nuzzled her cheek against his hand, “On dhea, mon loup.”

He removed his hand from her face starting to go again but paused before turning back to place a quick kiss on her brow.  Then he left to join the others who were already outside finishing up breakfast.

She heard Cassandra’s voice, “Good morning.  You slept later than normal.  Are you well?”

He gave some vague reply about being absorbed in a particularly interesting observation of the Fade.  To which Sera gave a loud sound of disapproval that he ignored.  Emma waited for Sera or Ivy to make some comment in regards to the lizards.  After all, Solas’ bed roll was outside the tent in clear site.  However, the morning preparation went by with no mention of it.

After morning had turned to afternoon, Cassandra informed them they were nearing the first Hinterlands camp.  Emma had already started taking in the plant life around them.  The white of Haven having been replaced with green and grey of mountainous terrain.  

The trees were mostly coniferous.  Without pulling out her notes she tried to mentally go over what she knew of the various herbs and their requirements.  She would go under the assumption that the rules for what grew where, remained mostly the same as in her world.  Under that assumption she should be able to find plenty of elfroot, decent amounts of embrium, the occasional rash vine, and probably some blood lotus if they were near water.  If she were  _ really  _ lucky she might find ---

Solas’ voice broke into her thoughts.  “Have you ever had any interest in learning magic Sera?”  

He had been riding next to Emma and now she shot him a glance.  What kind of question was that?  Had he met Sera?  He glanced back at her and she saw a hint of that same mischievous look in his eyes as when he had dumped snow on her head.  Definitely up to something.

For Sera’s part her response was immediate and empathetic, “Get off!”

He continued voice sincere and even,  “While it has not manifested naturally there are ways to determine whether arcane gifts lie dormant within you.”

Emma was 98% sure that was not accurate.

Sera gaped at him before saying, “What?  Don’t make me think about that.  I have to sleep at night!”

“Sleeping would give you the chance to explore the Fade.  I could introduce you to spirits.”

Now Emma couldn’t help the snort of amusement that escaped her.  

Sera narrowed her eyes at him, “Right, you’re messing with me on purpose!”

Only then did Solas take his gaze from Sera to look serenely at the path in front of him,  “Why would I do that?  It is not as though I know  _ who _ filled my bedroll with lizards.”

Ivy burst into laughter and Sera’s eyes turned from annoyance to easy amusement as she replied, “Ha.  Fair point!  That was pretty good.”  Her grin grew even more, “Worked out for the better though, yeah?”

There was a beat before he responded.  A soft smile curving his mouth as he spoke, “I have had worse sleeping arrangements.”

Emma felt the familiar heat rising to her cheeks.  Her heart feeling overly full as she bent down to pat her horse’s neck.

“Bet you did more than sleeping.”  Sera snickered.

Ivy removed the glove of her right hand and put a finger up in the air for a moment, “The tension  _ is  _ definitely a bit less.”

Perhaps they should just come out with it.  Not the details of what had happened, of course, but that they were an item.  Although, as she thought of it, she wasn’t sure if that would be wise.  It could cause problems for Solas when she had to leave.  She didn’t want to unintentionally put any sort of suspicious eyes on him.

For his part Solas gave no reply but looked to Emma allowing her to decide what course to take in response.  It made her warm to him even more.  She didn’t know how that was possible.  

Her heart wanted to shout the truth of it but her mind wouldn’t allow that.  Instead she said, “I think your sensor is off Ivy.”

“My sensor is never off.”

She decided that the best course of action in this case was simply switching topics.  “Are we near the first camp?”

Cassandra replied, “It should be just around this bend.”

Cassandra was correct.  Almost the moment their horses entered camp Cassandra and Ivy were pulled to the side to go over what was needed while here.  For her part, Emma went to the potions station to go over what they had available.  It was pretty basic supply wise, but not horrible.  She’d try to pick some extra to leave with them if she could.

As she was writing down a rough estimate of what she’d need to try to find, Solas came up behind her, “I would ask a favor.”

“Sure.  Just one moment,”  She quickly finished the last note and then shut her book turning to him, “What’s up?”

His eyebrow rose, “The sky.  One assumes.”

She gave a bark of laughter and shook her head, “Well, yes but that’s not…”  She shook her head still smiling, “I meant, what do you need?”

“An odd term to use for that.”

She shrugged, “Language is odd.  Who knows where half the sayings started from.”

“I see.  In any case, I believe there is an elven artifact nearby; one that may help strengthen the veil.  I would have you accompany me to find it, if you would.”

This was definitely interesting, “Of course I will!  What kind of artifact?  And what do you mean strengthen the veil?  Would it be able to help close the rifts around here?  How did you---”

He chuckled, “Always the questions, vhen’an’ara.  You will see the artifact for yourself if I am correct.”

“Do we need to stop by and let Ivy know on our way out?”  She grabbed her staff from where it had been leaning against a tree.

“I have her permission.”  He was eyeing her staff as though he was seeing it for the first time as he spoke.

She looked between him and her staff, tucking a curl behind her ear, “Is something wrong with my staff?”

“It is adequate.  Not ideal.  I will see what I can do to remedy that.”

“You don’t need to---”

“I wish to.”  he motioned with his arm towards a path out of camp, “Shall we?”

She smiled, more happy than she would admit at the prospect of some time alone with him, “Onward, mon loup.”

As they made their way down the path they kept an easy pace with each other.  Solas had told her that the location was not far, just a bit past the area called the Crossroads.  Which was both good and bad.  It was later in the day so it wouldn’t do to be out too long.  On the other hand less distance meant less time to work out her legs from so much riding.  Also less time with Solas.

Still she would take advantage of what time she did get.  It would probably take them a bit longer than it would have normally anyways, given that she was compelled to stop every time she came across a herb to collect.

After collecting, yet another, elfroot she hurried back to Solas who was waiting patiently on the path.  “I never properly thanked you by the way.”

They started walking side by side again as he asked, “For?”

“The book of poems and their translations.”  She skipped in front a bit before turning so she could walk backwards and face him.

“There is no need, I am pleased you enjoyed them.”  An amused smile curved his mouth, “Are you sure walking like that is wise?”

“I’m fine.  Graceful like a---”  Her foot caught on rock and she almost fell backwards.  

Solas fade stepped catching her around the waist.  He held her to him as her heart sped in her throat.  With a shake of his head he spoke, “You were saying?”

She swallowed, “Like a cat perhaps?”  Then she grinned up at him, “I would have fallen but then hopped right back up and acted like I meant to do it.”

“To my knowledge cats always land on their feet, you would have landed somewhere else.”  One of his hands stroked down her waist.  Then, as though he just realized they were in the middle of a path, he pulled from her.

It reminded her of the exchanged look on the ride.  When he had let her decide if they would disclose their relationship or not.  She didn’t want him thinking the wrong thing about it.  She just needed to figure out the right words to explain.

He had already started walking down the path once more so she caught up.

“Solas.”

“Hmm?”

“About earlier with the---”  She mulled over her words a moment her eyes glancing anywhere but him.  When she spoke again they came out in a rush.  “I’m afraid of what will happen when I leave if they knew we were romantic.  I’m worried you’re already going to be under scrutiny because of me and I---”

He stopped walking, “Emma.”

She stopped next to him and continued on, trying to get all of it out that she needed to say, “I just need you to know it isn’t that I’m ashamed.  You’re the most intelligent, compassionate, br---”

His hand grabbed for her waist pulling her against him.  In a moment his lips were on hers warm and sweet.  He deepened the kiss dipping her backwards even as he pulled her tighter to him.  One of her hands went to his neck and the other to his waist.  She gripped his tunic as he stole her senses.  Would it always be so intensely breathtaking with him?

Just as their tongues met he ended the kiss though his arms kept her pulled to him.  He shook his head before kissing her softly once more.  Then he pulled away for good.  Far far too soon in her book.

“We should not.  Not here.”  He brought his hand up and let it trace a path from her shoulder down her arm before holding her hand, “Just know, you do not need to explain yourself.  What we have between us does not need it; we are what we are for what time we have, the others are irrelevant to this.  This here.  This now.  It is ours.”

His words left her feeling warm all over.  She wanted to close the distance between them once more.  This man… she wondered if he truly had any idea the extent of his affect on her.

He released her hand, “Now come.  The Crossroads is just a bit more.”

The Crossroads ended up being even smaller than she had expected.  A few cottages which seemed in huge disproportion to the amount of refugees and recruits wandering the area.  She supposed it was safe at least.  If not the most comfortable.

It also brought to mind how lucky she was in her world.  That she was born in a place where she didn’t have to worry about things like food or if she would survive leaving her house.  And yet when she thought of leaving this world it was---

She pushed the train of thought away as Solas led her out of the Crossroads.  She caught sight of some embrium a bit of the trail and seized the chance to grab it.  As she came back to him, plant in hand, she said, “How about I share a poem with you?”

She swore she saw his ears perk up a bit as he asked, “From your home?”

Her grin widened, “Yup.  I’ll choose a poem from one of my favorite books called The Lord of The Rings.”

“I would enjoy that.”

“Alright let me think real quick to make sure I’ve got it.”  She bit her lip as she thought over the words once in her head.

“A moment, there is some elfroot.”  He gestured towards a small gathering of the stuff.

Her eyes brightened and she hurried over, “Oh good find.”  Then as she was picking them she realized how annoying it must be to make him continue to stop.  “Sorry.  I just want to get as much as I can.”

“It is no trouble.  The view is well worth stopping for.”

Her brows furrowed, “The---” she looked over her shoulder to find his eyes unashamedly on her rear, “You fiend.”  She gave her bum an extra little wiggle as she pulled out the last one then straightened.

He chuckled.  It was a sound she would never get enough of no matter how often she could get him to do it.  

She walked back over to him as she stuck the elfroot in her pouch.  “I’m not sure how much more I’m going to be able to fit in here.”

“I may carry some as well.”

“Thanks.  I’ll probably end up taking that offer before the day is done.  Even if you’re only offering for the view.”  Then she remembered the poem she was about to tell him.  “Oh the poem.  Ok, here it goes;  ‘All that is gold does not glitter, / Not all those who wander are lost; / The old that is strong does not wither, / Deep roots are not reached by the frost. / From the ashes a fire shall be woken, / A light from the shadows shall spring; / Renewed shall be the blade that was broken, / The crownless again shall be king.’”

He fell quiet for several minutes then.  She knew he was analyzing the poem in his head.  Going over each word and it’s meaning.  So she simply waited in silence until he was ready to speak.

“This is a book?”

“Yes from a fantasy series.  One of the best in my opinion.”  She paused, “Though I suppose my world would be fantasy to you and his series would be more like real world but with a few changes.”

“Meaning?”

“Well my world wasn’t really like this world much at all.  World’s like here and the one in that book are classified as fantasy.  They have magic.  Epic battles.  The hero's journey.  Beings other than humans.  And--”

“There are only humans in your world?”

“Yes.  There are different races.  We have dwarfism but it is rare and they’re still considered the same race as humans just with a genetic condition.  They are like Varric but they don’t have their own societies or live underground or anything.  No elves.  Or whatever other races you have here.  Just humans with different skin tones.”

“Does it--” He paused, “Is there intolerance?”

“Sadly.  We---”

There were sounds of fighting up ahead.  She could feel someone using magic and the presence of several demons.  Though from here she couldn’t tell how many.

“Solas.”

“Stay close.” He brought his staff from behind his back and started in a run towards the direction of the sounds.  

Though her hands shook she took a deep breath and followed his lead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say I seriously adore writing these two in lovey-dovey new couple stage of their relationship. Like I can't really I just... I adore them like this <3
> 
> I also love it because I feel like it allows a side of Solas that I love to show through. A side that we only catch glimpses of in game with a romanced Lavellan.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed even though it is mainly fluff stuff :P
> 
> Next update will be on Tuesday. Enjoy your holidays everyone!


	50. A Long Day

As it turned out Emma need not have worried.  By the time they got to where the current fight was happening the stranger had almost killed the demon that was attacking her.  With a quick burst of magic Solas finished it.  When it was dead, the mage turned her attention to them.

The woman was elven, Dalish from the markings, though from what she’d found out Dalish rarely traveled far from their clans.  It was curious they would come across one here.  Unless she too was here for the artifact.

“Peace.”  She looked to Emma instead of Solas,  “I am no danger to you.”

Did she think that she would be attacked for being Dalish just because Emma was human?  The way she spoke and the attention on Emma would indicate such.  If so that meant it was likely a common occurrence.  She had learned elves were treated poorly, which was disgusting enough, but this would indicate it was worse than she’d heard.

“My name is Mihris.”  Mihris looked at Solas then back to Emma, “By your weapons I see you come ready for battle.  Perhaps we face a common enemy in these demons.”

She probably should have let Solas take the lead but she was curious why Mihris was alone and couldn’t help asking, “Are you traveling to kill off the demons?”

“No.  That would be pointless.”  She shook her head and shifted her staff to her other hand, “There will always be more and I’ve no means of closing the rifts.  But I  _ have  _ heard of Elven artifacts that measure the veil.  They may tell us where new rifts will appear.  I was not expecting so many demons however.”  

Again her mouth got ahead of her and she spoke, “Sorry if this is rude but, why are you not with one of your clan?  From what I understand it is not common for your people to wander alone.  Plus it would be safer with a companion.”

Something flashed on Mihris’ face but she quickly schooled it away again before speaking, “I was,  _ am _ , First of Clan Virnhen.  My clan could not spare more so I left alone in service to my them and saw that great tear in the veil on my journey.  I know more of magic and the veil than any  _ shemlen _ .  So I hope to help.”

Shemlen.  She thought she remembered that term.  It was used by elves as an insult to humans.  Not that Mihris’ use of it bothered her.  She had stuck her nose into the woman’s business and she wouldn’t fault any hard feelings for her based on the fact that she was human due to the history between the two.  

Solas was not so willing to let it slide.  When he spoke his voice might have sounded even to others but she heard the undertone of it.  The bite that was just under the surface.

“Ma harel, da’len.”

Emma shot a glance his way but he wouldn’t look at her.  She tried to sort through what knowledge she’d gained of the language.  Ma was mine or my.  Da’len was child.  Harel was dread?  No, that didn’t make sense.  Fen’harel was also trickster so perhaps that, since fen was wolf.  If so, he was accusing the girl of lying.

Emma’s brows furrowed.  She wished she could ask him why he thought such a thing.  If he knew something or if he was just… reading it somehow in her movements.   Whatever the case,  from Mihris’ actions following his words she had little doubt Solas’ accusation was correct.

“I--” Mihris flinched and gripped her staff so tight Emma could see her knuckles going white. “What matters is I believe an artifact is nearby.”  Mihris kept her eyes on Emma, “Can you help me reach it?”

On this she wouldn’t let her mouth get ahead of her.  Emma looked to Solas their eyes met and after a beat he gave a small nod.  It would be her decision then.

She glanced at the ruins then back at Mihris.  Even though the knowledge she’d lied made Emma somewhat uneasy, the woman was here first, and it was her people’s history.  Though she imagined Solas would prefer she not know that they already knew there was an artifact.

“That sounds worth looking into.  Lead the way.”

Mihris smiled, though it didn’t reach her eyes.  “Good.  I believe it is just over here.”  The woman went to a crumbled area of ruins.  The columns had clearly fallen over a cave entrance. Mihris said, “We’ll need focused magical energy to get by.”  Mihris’ eyes darted to Solas, “You.  Flat-ear.  Can you manage it?”

That insult she recognized instantly.  Emma felt her blood heat and ground her teeth.

Solas walked up to stand next to her in front of the columns saying, “Ma nuvenin, da’len.”

Emma felt his magic stir and she reached out a hand, placing it on his arm.  Though touching him when he was so close to releasing did odd things to her belly, she was too angry to bother paying much attention to it at the moment.

“Wait please, Solas.”  Solas stopped and pulled his magic back in.  He watched her with his expressionless mask as she turned to Mihris, “Apologize.”

Now all pretense of kindness fled Mihris’ face and she narrowed her eyes, “What?  Only a shem can use that term?”

“You don’t know him.  Just because he was not born to some Dalish clan you would insult him.  Simply because what?  He lacks markings?  That makes him less than you?  He is more than you will ever be, elf or otherwise.  So, apologize.”

Mihris barked out a laugh before sneering at her, “The shem whore doesn’t like when her toy is insulted.  Or do you think because you get on your back and spread your legs for him that means---”

“Enough.”  Solas’ voice was more a threat than if he had yelled at the woman.  It was command, a simple word to be obeyed without question.  Though she doubted it was necessary, he also released some of his magic.  She could feel it tingling along her skin.  He was showing more than he would normally and her body warred with anger at Mihris and the pleasurable effect Solas’ magic sent through her.

Mihris flinched and took a step back, “I--”

“Vara.  Do not come back.”

Mihris did not come closer but her eyes narrowed again as she said, “Dread wolf take you.  Both of you.”

Solas’ lip curled revealing a flash of canine as he said, “Dirth’ala ma.”

Mihris opened her mouth as though she would respond but then clamped it shut and turned without a word.  As Emma watched her leave he could feel Solas shielding his magic again.  He tucked it away from her and it was like a ripple falling off her skin.  She shivered.

When the woman had disappeared into the landscape she turned to Solas, “I---”

How was he so very fast?  Before she had even fully turned to him he had been on her.  His hands once more on her waist as he pulled her to him.  His mouth on hers in almost the same motion.  It took less than a second for her to respond to him.

Even if her mind had still been fighting this, her body had long ago admitted its need for him.  So, she opened to him and let the world fall away.  The faint memory of his magic still on her skin fed her hunger.  It helped to heighten her senses even more than being with him normally would.

One of his hands slid up her back to hold the back of her head and the other went down to cup her rear.  She stood on tiptoe.  Her arms went around his neck so she could pull herself up against him to allow their lips even more access to each other.

As always he pulled away first.  She let out a growl and attempted to pull him back.  He responded by giving a breathless chuckle and reaching up to gently remove her arms from around him.

“Would you have me take you here?  Out in the open amongst ruins?”

“Yes.”  He chuckled once more as he took several steps away from her.  She sighed, “I’m not joking you know.”

“I know.”  He smiled warmly at her, “Your enthusiasm is most tempting.”

“Not tempting enough apparently.”  She placed a hand on her hip, “If it were, you would have me bent over one of these--”

Now it was his turn to shiver as he said, “Vhen’an’ara, please.  It is not safe here.  When we join we will both be vulnerable.  My focus will be on you alone.”  His eyes looked from her to the blocked entrance, “You feel them?”

Now forced back to the real danger at hand she focused.  Her stomach churned as she spoke, “Yes.  I think there are---” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat, “four.  Five maybe?”

There was a sour taste in her mouth suddenly and she was finding it difficult to swallow.  Demons.  There was no going back.  She’d have to fight.  She wouldn’t let him do this alone.

“Look at me.”  Solas’ hands were on her face drawing her eyes from the cave’s entrance up to his gaze.  He looked down at her smiling as he drew small circles against her cheeks with his thumbs.  “You are strong.  Stronger than you know.  Feel your connection to the Fade; the magic coursing through you, listen to it sing.  Focus.  Do not doubt.  Trust in yourself, vhen’an’ara.  Trust as I trust in you.”  He brought his lips to brush lightly on her brow, then each eyelid, and finally the tip of her nose before pulling back to look her in the eyes.  “I will be right with you.”

Just like that she was able to swallow again with ease.  Her muscles rippled, readying for what they had been practicing.  He released her face with one last brush of fingers along her jaw.

She held her chin up and squared her shoulders as she gave him a tight nod, “I’m ready.”

Solas went to the fallen columns and she felt his magic gather again.  It was delicious as it played along her skin.  She could swear it even helped her own magic feel stronger, though that was probably just her imagination.  

Then as the magic made itself evident at his fingertips he turned his palms face up and swung his hands in an upward motion lifting the pillars.  The movement was all power and grace.  He was glorious.  

The moment the pillars had settled to their original places a shot of magic was expelled at them.  Emma swept her hand out releasing a barrier of protection around Solas and then herself.  She dodged to her right, the magic just sparking against the side of her barrier.

She flinched but the barrier was unaffected.  Solas was already releasing his magic to take out one of the shades and she moved quickly to help.  She focused her own attacks on the wraith releasing two quick bursts of fire which made quick work of it.  By that point Solas had already dispatched his as well.  

The rest must have been deeper in.  She could still feel them.  Solas and her exchanged a glance then moved forward without a word.  The area split into two.  He went right and she went left.

When they entered the chamber she saw that she’d underestimated.  There were five here in addition to the ones they’d already killed.  Two wraiths and three shades.  She felt her stomach roll but took a quick deep breath.  She could do this.

Forcing herself to focus on the here and now she quickly assessed the situation.  Her eyes looking for the greatest threat.  If she was efficient she could take out at least one of the wraiths before the closest shade got near enough to do damage.

She released her magic in quick bursts.  Solas’ magic joining with hers to swiftly dispose of the wraith.  At that point the first shade had started up the stairs to them.  Their attention turned and they fought in unison, their mana flowing together easily.

It reminded her much of when they had danced together.  The ease at which she fell into sync with him.  She lived purely second by second.  Only them and what they must do in that moment.  

Then it was over.  All threats killed.

It took her a moment to come back down.  The magic still lingering in the air and on her skin.  As she shook off the last of it, she looked at Solas and grinned, “We did it.  That was easier than I’d thought it would be.”

“Indeed.”  He smiled back at her as he placed his staff on his back once more, “I had no doubt you would do well.  Now,” His eyes went to the cavernous space around them, “let us find this artifact.”

As they moved to go down to the lower area of the ruins she said, “I should thank you again.  What you said out there.  Then your magic, feeling it there was… it helped me.  When our magic meets it’s…”

“I know.”  He kept his eyes looking around the area in front of them as he spoke, “You will do just as well when I am not there, however.  You simply need to learn to see what I see.  The only thing you lack now is confidence.”

They walked down the center of the area.  At the end was what appeared to be an altar of some kind.  There was something that held a large sphere on a pedestal.  She could feel the energy from it as she neared.

“I’m gonna guess that’s our artifact.”

“Correct.”  He knelt down in front of it, bringing his hands out to touch it.  

She could feel the stirring of it as he worked to activate the item.  There was a ripple in the veil but she couldn’t tell if it was actually strengthening it, only that something had shifted.  

“Solas.”

He stood and turned to her, “Yes?”

“Does that thing strengthen the veil against tears like the woman suggested?  I felt something but---”

“It is a direct connection to the veil.  If we can find more it will help.”  

That wasn’t exactly an answer and she frowned.  “Solas---”

“We should go back.  It grows late.”  His eyes took in the ruins around him once more and his shoulders drooped just a touch.  She wouldn’t have even noticed it if she wasn’t so attuned to him.

Her thoughts were immediately turned from the artifact to him.  In a few steps she was next to him reaching out to brush her fingers against his cheek.  He startled as he came back from wherever his mind had been, his eyes focusing on her as she pulled her hand away.

“It must be difficult.”

“Difficult?”

“Being in places like this.”  She gestured to the ruins, “Places that remind you so of what was.”

His eyes softened and his frown started to turn to an easy smile, “At times.  However, there are reminders everywhere; one learns to focus on the now, what must be done.  As you know.”

“Yes but it’s different for me.”  Her eyes took in the area again, “I have no reminders around me.  I can tuck things away.  You’re not so lucky and I’m sorry for that.  I wish I could do something more to---”

His fingers came up to her chin tilting her head up so she would look at him, “You do more than enough, vhen’an’ara.  More than you could know.”  His hand left her face moving down her arm so he could twine his fingers with hers, “Come.”

They fell into step together once more as they walked out.  He had to adjust his stride to meet her shorter one and she was grateful that he did.  She enjoyed this.  Holding his hand.  The simple touch of skin to skin.

As they neared the entrance she still felt some lingering sadness coming from him.  She hated it.  She wanted to make him smile.  She wanted his chuckle.  She wanted to make him forget his sadness just for a bit.

So she said the first pick-up line that came to mind, “Did you sit in sugar?”

He actually stopped walking.  Her hand slipped from his and she moved in front of him.  She grinned at him like an idiot as he looked at her, eyebrows pulled together.

He spoke slowly, “Did I sit in… what?”

“Sugar.” Her grin broadened and she had to hold back giggles, “I only ask because you have such a sweet ass.”

He blinked.  His hand came up to cover his face and his shoulders started to shake.  Then she heard it.  The most lovely of sounds.  His chuckling which turned into full laughter.  It was like the sweetest music to her ears.

When the laughter slowed he removed his hand and looked at her.  That perfect smile still on his lips, “That was awful.”

“I know.”  She giggled her tongue peeking out from between her teeth as she gave a half shrug.  “I’ve got more.”

“I do not know that I want--”

She looked to the side as she picked some of her favorites, “Do you have a map?  Because I’m getting lost in your eyes.  If being sexy was a crime, you’d be guilty as charged.  Or this one… I was feeling a little off today but you definitely turned me---”

Once more he silenced her with a kiss pulling her against him as he pressed his lips to hers.  This time it was achingly short.  Just enough to taste each other, but it still left her heart beating a quick rhythm in her throat.

She swallowed and finished her sentence, “on.”

“You are an impossible creature, vhen’an’ara.”

She moved to his side taking his hand once more.  “Yet you still stick around me.”

“You are  _ my _ impossible creature, ma vher.”  He leaned over to kiss her head.

Her heart swelled and she gripped his hand tighter, “As you are mine, mon loup.”

He smiled down at her, “As I am yours.”

With warmth seeping through every inch of her being she leaned against him while they walked.  As they neared the Crossroads again she could just make out the shape of a man who appeared to be searching the path for someone.  When he spotted them he broke into a run heading for them.  Solas halted and released her hand.  Though she was sad for it she understood and closed her fingers around the warmth he had left behind while they waited for the man to near.

“You!  Please do you have potions!?  My daughter.”  He got near and spoke through heavy breathing, “She’s been bitten.  They don’t have no potions left in town.”

Solas spoke first, “Take us to her.”

The man opened his mouth but seemed to catch sight of their staffs for the first time.  His eyes narrowed, “No.  No magic.  I won’t have her tainted.”

Solas stiffened before saying, “As you wish.”

This man would really risk his daughter’s well being based on his own superstitions about magic?  She supposed he did what he thought was right.  Still, if he only bothered to look at things as a bit more than black and white….

She sighed.  Whatever the father was his daughter should not need to suffer for it.  As he turned to go she spoke, “Wait.  If I swear to you on…”  _ Was it Andraste or the Maker for this kind of thing?  _ “Andraste that we will use no magic will you let me see her.  I may still be able to help.”

He eyed her for a moment before glancing back to the Crossroads.  When he turned his eyes back to her they were narrowed and his jaw set, “On Andraste  _ and  _ the Maker.”

She nodded, “I swear on Andraste and the Maker, we will not use magic.”

He looked to Solas, “What of you kni---”

She ground out, “Do  _ not _ even think of calling him that.”

The man startled at the statement but corrected, “What of you elf?”

Solas gave Emma a sideways glance before turning his eyes to the man.  His face was once more a mask as he gave the man a small nod of his head, “I agree.”

“Hurry then.”

They all broke into a jog.  As they went Emma asked, “What happened?”

“Wolf.  Maker be praised it didn’t kill her.  Don’t know why it didn’t.”  He took a moment to breath roughly while he jogged before continuing, “She wanted a cub to raise as her own.  She’s been begging for a puppy.  I should have just--”  His voice cracked.

They hurried up to a raised area with some cots already set up.  The man led them over to a cot where a small girl probably around the age of 6 or 7 was curled into a tight ball crying.  There was a recruit kneeling next to her singing softly to the girl to try and keep her calm.

When the man got close he spoke to his daughter, “Abby, darling, this lady is going to look at your leg ok.”

“Hurts, daddy.”

“I know, Abby.  It’s going to be all better soon.”

_ Hopefully. _  As Emma walked over the recruit stood to let her have full access.  Emma knelt next to the girl so it was easy for her to see her face, “Hi Abby.  My name is Ella.  I’m going to try and help ok?”

Abby gave a mute nod.

Emma removed the blanket from the girl.  It stuck some from the blood that had started to seep on to it.  The wound location was evident immediately.  A growing stain from a spot on the girl’s outer thigh.

She took a deep breath.  First thing, she needed to get to the wound itself.  She turned to the recruit spotting a dagger on his belt, “I need to borrow your knife.”

The father was there immediately, “What---”

“I need to get to the wound so I’m going to cut this side of her pants.”

The father quieted but continued hovering close.  If she let it that would make her anxious.  She’d lose focus.  So she worked to ignore him as she took the knife the recruit offered her.

As carefully as she could she lifted the fabric away from the girl’s skin, cutting through it.  It was lucky it wasn’t as cold here and they weren’t dressed in thick clothing.  As it was, it took her a while to cut through the cloth since she didn’t want to accidentally nick the girl.

Once she had the fabric peeled away Emma turned her attention to her own clothing.  She lifted the outer layers getting a hold of her undershirt.  It was not perfect but it was better than some other options.  She brought the knife to cut off a good hunk of the shirt.

Then she motioned to one of the empty cots, “I need a blanket.”

Solas grabbed it.  As he approached with it he asked, “What do you need me to do.”

“We need to get the wound lifted some.”  She looked down at the girl who had now stopped crying and was sniffling, “Would you pick her up while I slide the blanket under?”

He nodded and handed her the blanket from the other side of Abby.  She folded it, so it would create lift, then gave Solas a nod.  He kneeled down next to the child and brushed his fingers to her forehead.

“My name is Solas, little one, I am going to lift you for a moment.”

After the girl gave him a nod he tucked his arms under her legs and back lifting her with great tenderness.  Emma slid the blanket under where her hips would rest.

Then she looked at Solas, “Ok.”  As he lowered Abby down Emma spoke to the girl, “This is probably going to be uncomfortable.  It’ll only be for a little while then you can rest normal again.  You’re being very brave, Abby.”

Without waiting for a response Emma placed the cloth of her shirt over the wound and applied pressure.  She’d need to estimate this.  Usually she would have set a timer for ten minutes which was enough for slowing bleeding.  Now she’d have to be careful to not wait so long that she increased risk of infection but not check too early that she made the bleeding last longer.

As she held pressure on the wound she looked once more to Solas, “I’m going to need two things of water boiled.  The first I’ll need the water itself once I’ve managed to stop the bleeding.  The second I’ll need you to boil two of the cleanest wound clothes you can find.”  

“Understood.”

She looked back at the recruit, “Will you be able to get him those cloths as well as bring me more for padding and binding.”

The recruit nodded, “I will do my best.”

As Solas and the recruit left the father wrung his hands looking at where the blood was already staining the cloth under Emma’s fingers.  

“Your daughter needs you.”  Emma gestured with her head towards Abby, “Go sit where she can see you and help keep her busy.”

Tasks handed out all she could do at this point was wait and hope that with pressure the bleeding would stop.  As she held her hands firm to Abby’s wound the father sang.  When Emma glanced over the little girl seemed to be dozing off some.  Poor thing must be exhausted.

More time passed by.  The girl had managed to fall into a doze, the father still singing to her.  Emma’s hands were hot from the blood seeping through the cloth.  Still, it seemed to be slowing which was a very good sign.

By the time Solas and the recruit returned she swore she felt the blood had slowed if not stopped completely.  She hoped she was right.  It made her nervous to check the wound but she knew she just needed to risk it.  Animal bites were prone to infection.  She needed to clean it.

She removed her hands before she gingerly peeled away the cloth from the bite.  The girl winced but didn’t wake.  She released the air she had been holding as only the faintest trickle of blood dripped down from the wound now.  

It was still nearly impossible to get a real idea of the damage.  She would be able to assess more once she got it cleaned.  Solas had brought the water in a basin which he now brought to her side without any prompting.

When she stuck her pinky into it the water was hot but not scalding.  The water turned a hint of pink where she’d touched and she swallowed.  

Please don’t let her fail at this.  She’d done patching up before.  Rock gashes and the like, but never had to do an animal bite.  Being trained in something and doing it for the first time were different things.  Especially here where there was no hospital for the child to go to in order to ensure that infection didn’t set in.  In her world, Abby would survive easily.  Here, it wasn’t so simple.

She took a deep breath forcing her mind back to the task at hand.  “Solas, will you pour it over the wound please?”  She indicated an area about 2 inches perpendicular to the bite,  “From about right here.  Start with about a quarter of it and we’ll see where we are.”

Once the water had been poured she took one of the clean cloths the recruit had brought for her.  As tenderly as she could manage she went about the process of cleaning the wound.  She started by trying to get off what blood remained so she could better see the bite itself.

That done, she could see it wasn’t as bad as she feared, mostly gashed.  Though the canines had gone deep it could have been worse.  So long as no infection set in the girl should come out of this with just a few small scars where the teeth had gone deeper, more ragged.

She nodded to Solas to pour a bit more water on.  After he finished pouring she started to try to clean out the inside of the wounds with another cloth.  It was essential she get out any dirt or other debris that had managed to make it’s way into the bite.

This time Abby did wake.  She let out a whine of protest and tried to wiggle away but her father held her steady.  He cooed to her nonsense words that made the girl calm again so Emma could finish.  

After she was sure she’d gotten as much as she could cleaned out, she dug in her pack for some elfroot.  Then she turned to the father.  “Is there a herbalist here that would have a way for me to grind this?”

The recruit answered, “We’ve got the supplies, just no herbalist.  My brother back home is a herbalist so I know what you’d use for that.  I’ll get you what you need.”

As she waited, she placed a clean cloth over the wound to prevent anything getting into it.  The recruit was fast coming back.  She thanked him for the mortar and pestle then went to work making a paste.  Once that was done she revealed the wound again, spreading the paste over top.

Then she asked Solas for the padding that had been boiled.  He went to retrieve it for her.  When he brought it back she took it and placed it over the cleaned wound.  Next, she took one of the dry bits of padding to place over that.  Lastly, she asked for Solas’ help lifting Abby again so that she could wrap the leg and remove the blanket that had been propping her up.

Once she had secured the wrapping she set back on her heels and wiped her brow with the back of her hand.  “She should be alright.”  Her eyes turned to the father who was brushing hair from Abby’s face, “You’ll need to change the bandage tonight and again in the morning.  Continue that until it starts to show signs of healing.  Keep a close eye especially the first few days.  If it swells, stinks, oozes, or turns red you need to clean the wound and let it have air.”  

The father gave the sleeping child a kiss on the forehead and stood to walk over to where Emma was kneeling.  He looked down at where the wound was now neatly wrapped.

“I’ll come back tomorrow.  I’ll try and bring some healing potion with me.  Hopefully, that will get rid of any remaining risk to her.”  Emma stood, wincing at the stiffness in her legs from kneeling so long.  

The father turned to her with tears in his eyes, “She’s all I got.  Her ma died in birth.  She’s all I got left in this world.  If I’d lost her…”  the man gave Emma a tight hug causing her eyes to go wide, “Thank you.”

She gave him a pat on the back and he released her, “Of course, I’m glad I was able to help.”  She held back a yawn and looked around to find the sun almost completely down now,  “We need to go but I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Safe journey.”  He then turned his attention back to his daughter.  

Emma turned to Solas who stood patiently next to her, “I hope Ivy isn’t worried.”

“I sent word.”

She smiled up at him through heavy eyelids, “Thanks.  For that and your help with the child.”

They started to make their way back to camp.  Solas stayed closer to her than normal.  A fact she was aware of but couldn’t fully appreciate.  She was so bone tired.  It had been a long day.  Her first actual fight and then the little girl.  At least, with any luck, she’d made some kind of difference.

As they started up the hill that led out of the crossroads and back to their camp pain shot through her knee.  Too long kneeling had messed with her kneecap.  She let out a hiss as the knee locked and she almost fell.  Before she could hit the ground however, she found herself scooped up in Solas’ arms.

She blushed.  As much as she’d love to stay cradled in his arms she didn’t want to burden him, “Solas.  I’m fine.  You don’t need to---”

“Hush.”  

As he started to walk with her again he released healing magic to her.  The magic weaved it’s way through her muscles and joints, heating and loosening them.  She gave a little purr of pleasure as she felt her tenseness released bringing not only the pleasure of relief from pain but the warmth his magic always stirred in her veins.

“You did well today.”  

She allowed herself to relax in his arms accepting the fact that he had no intention of putting her down.  She snuggled her cheek against his shoulder as she replied, “Thank you.”

“I did not know you were a healer in your world.”

She smiled, “They are called doctors where I came from.”  She looked at the line of his jaw and curve of his neck as she continued, “I’m not a doctor.  Not even close.  My knowledge is a little tiny drip compared to a doctor’s.”

“Yet you healed the girl.”

“We have different levels of school as children where I am.  High-school is the last required one then when you’re around 18 you graduate and can go to college.  I applied to take a year and go to an adventure type program.  There we were trained in survivalism, camping, hiking, river rafting, and so on.  Then when I first started college I worked a few summers as a hiking guide.”  Her fingers went up to brush against him but she drew them back when she realized they were still caked with blood, “I was trained again for that.  There were a few accidents.  Mostly gashes from falling on rocks or accidental knife cuts.  A few sprains.  Never a bite.  I just…” She let out an amused huff of air, “To be honest I was scared shitless but I just forced myself to focus on the steps I’d been taught.  What else could I do?  It would either work or it wouldn’t.”

“We are nearing camp.”

“Oh…”  She sighed reluctant to leave his arms.

He set her on her feet with aching tenderness his hand going up to cup her cheek.  Then he bent to caress her lips with his own.  Brushing first her top lip then her lower before pressing a tender kiss against her mouth.  

When he pulled away he let his brow touch against hers as he said, “Please do not forget to care for yourself, da’lath’in.”

“Solas, I--”

There was a snap of a twig behind them and they separated quickly turning to the noise.  Emma was surprised to see Cassandra watching them.  Her mouth opening then closing before she cleared her throat.  Was Cassandra actually… blushing?  It was hard to tell in such low light.  How long had she been standing there?

“I--”  Cassandra straightened her shoulders, “I’m glad you’re back.   We need to go over tomorrow’s plan.”

Cassandra’s voice sounded uncharacteristically soft.

Solas started towards Cassandra, “Of course.”

Cassandra waited for Emma to follow and when she did asked, “Will the child be alright?”

“I hope so.  The wound is bandaged and cleaned.”  Emma started to rub the back of her neck before she remembered the dried blood again and brought the hand back to rest at her side,  “I was hoping to take them healing potion tomorrow.”

“That can be arranged.”

Emma gave Cassandra a bright smile thanking her as they headed into their camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> da'lath'in = "little heart. An endearment used to describe someone who is emotional, carries their heart on their sleeve, is very empathetic, or very sympathetic to the plights of others." (thanks to fenxshiral for this :D)
> 
> Solas greatly approves of all the touchy. 
> 
> Seriously though think about it the poor guy hasn't touched anyone in, at the very least, thousands of years. Then she comes and is like... touchy touchy tooouuuuccchhhh me, let me touch you. Skin contact yes please. 
> 
> Also if anyone calls Solas an elf slur she will beat them with her magic stick thingy.


	51. *The Truth Of It

Solas and Emma had spent most of their time in the Fade reading in companionable silence.  Solas had offered to allow her the desk for translations but she had declined.  Instead she set cross legged against one of the window seats as she worked.  

She’d still being working on easier volumes and had stumbled upon one about the elvhen gods.  Naturally she had heard some tales from the waking world but they were rare.  Though she had a basic knowledge.  Originally with that basic knowledge she’d assumed their gods were like the ones in her world.  Stories made to allow people to understand the world better.

The more she read the more she began to suspect this was untrue.  Though she doubted they were really god gods.  She was an atheist.  In her mind god gods didn’t exist.  There definitely seemed to be something though.  On top of that the god Fen’harel was mentioned on rare occasion but when he was it wasn’t like the stories she had stumbled on in the waking world.  

There had been an internal debate going in with her about asking Solas about all this.  She didn’t want to unintentionally cause him pain by making him relive all that he lost.  Still… if she gave him the option not to answer surely that would be ok?  

“Solas?”

“Hmmm.”

“I was curious about something here.”  She uncurled herself from the floor and stood with the book she’d been reading taking it over to his desk, “I found this book on the Evanuris and I was---”

The book was out of her hands so fast it took her a moment to register it.  Her eyes went down to her now empty hands then to the book, which Solas now had shut on the desk with his hand over.  Lastly her eyes went up to him.  He opened his mouth, shut it again, and took a deep breath.

“Problem?”

“No.  You had a question?”

 _No problem my ass..._  She shook her head and pushed on, “Were they real, the Evanuris?  When you were alive did they exist?”

She watched his mask slide into place and knew that he was going through some internal debate he didn’t want her to see.  That was the only reason he would put the mask on here.  It upset her more than she cared to admit.

“Yes.  They existed but they were not gods.”  He straightened and calmly picked up the book she had been reading as he turned to the shelves, “They were mages with great power, worshipped as gods.”

“That doesn’t just come about.”  His eyes remained on the shelves as she continued, “How?  Surely they didn’t just crown themselves one day and everyone just accepted it.”

“No.”  She saw his fingers clasp the book tighter.  His lips thinning so subtly that she would have missed it had she not come to know him so well.  She knew he was having some debate about what to tell her and what not to.  Finally he took a breath and spoke once more, “It started with a war.  War breeds fear.  Fear breeds a desire for simplicity.  Good and evil.  Right and wrong.  Chains of command.  After the war ended, generals became respected elders, then kings, then finally gods.”

“Interesting. Though I don’t see how most of them managed it.”

He slid the book back into its place on the shelf allowing his fingers to rest on the binding as he asked over his shoulder, “Meaning?”

“Well, it seems they were chaotic at best.  Down right destructive at worst.  At least from what I got before you stole the book away from me.”  She looked away from him out to the window,  “All except Mythal and perhaps Fen’harel.  Which is odd because from what I heard in the waking world it should have been the opposite but according to that book Fen’harel seems to have been one of Mythal’s most trusted.  But then why would he have imprisoned her?”

When he spoke his voice was even and controlled.  The voice of the mask.  The one she hated most of all.

“Much has been lost, misconstrued; if you have questions regarding that time ask me.  I will be better able to tell you than the books.”

She looked at him again, “These books are not from the Dalish though.  So, wouldn’t they be correct to use?”

He turned to her, “My people had a tendency to be cryptic.”

“So it’s genetic then.”

“Genetic?”

“Yes.  To simplify, it means a trait of some kind that is passed down through generations in a family.”  She gave him a soft smile, “You are the most infuriatingly cryptic person I know so…”

His brows softened a hint, “You know many?”

“I imagine I could know more.  Spirits seem to be awful cryptic.  Though not on purpose.  I’m fairly sure _you_ are doing it on purpose.”

Then that beautiful chuckle of his made itself known, “At times perhaps.”

“‘At times.’  Is a bit of an understatement.”  Her eyes went to where the book was neatly tucked on the shelf, “I really don’t mind reading up on it.  I pester you with enough questions.”

“It is not pestering if I enjoy it, for the most part.”

“It seems to me you wouldn’t enjoy questions about the Evanuris.  You don’t seem very keen on the topic.”

“It is,” He paused a beat, “difficult.  To see what has been lost.  To remember.  In addition, the Evanuris are not a topic I am particularly fond of discussing.”

“Why?”

His shoulders stiffened even more and his hands clasped behind his back as he walked over to the windows, “Mythal was the greatest of them, as you said, she cared for her people.  Fen’harel did not imprison her.  The other Evanuris turned on her, that was the beginning of the end.”

There was the slightest trembling in his hands.  The knuckles gone white he held his fists so tight behind him.  She was sorry then.  Sorry to bring him pain.

She went swiftly over to him moving so she was in front of him before she wrapped her arms about his waist.  “I’m sorry, Solas.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

He pulled carefully from her and tilted her chin up with his fingers, “Please do not research more into this.  I will tell you what I can about how things were but I am asking, leave this alone.  Please, vhen’an’ara.”

His voice was bordering on pleading and it made her heart squeeze.  She wanted to know more but not at the expense of his pain.  After all knowing more of that wouldn’t help her get home or change anything now.  So she could drop it for him.  

She went up on tiptoes to brush a kiss along his jaw, “As you wish.”

When she pulled away he met her eyes, “You mean this?”

“I won’t lie, I’d like to learn more but--” She glanced away then back to his eyes, “It isn’t essential knowledge and I wouldn’t do anything to bring you pain, Solas.  Not if I could help it.”

A slow smile started to form at the corners of his mouth.  His hand moved to graze against her cheek.  He opened his mouth as though he would say something more but instead gave a slight shake of his head before bending towards her.

“Nor I you.”  

His lips met hers.  Soft and inviting.  As she always would, she opened to him.  Lips parting to allow access as her hands went up to grip his shirt.  Their breathing grew heavy.  Their heartbeats pounding in unison.  He deepened the kiss and it was dizzying.  Silly that people referred to this as falling.  She didn’t feel like she was falling at all.  She felt like she was flying when he kissed her.

The kiss ended and she rested her head on his shoulder, inhaling the scent of him.  His arms moved to wrap around her and he held her close.  

When he spoke his lips moved against her hair, “You will be safe.  I swear it.”

There was something in his words that made her want to see him.  Just as she pulled away and was about to look up to him she felt Sherlock enter the room.  Her attention redirected to the spirit.

“Sherlock,”  Solas released her completely and she walked over to the spirit, “I’m glad you’re here.  I worry when I don’t see you.”

“I questioned.  Asked places.  Searched.  Then I found.”  Sherlock was grinning, “He is coming.”

Solas walked to stand behind her.  His fingers resting lightly on her lower back as he spoke, “Who?”

“Help.  He thinks he can help.”  Sherlock’s grin broadened, “He was and is Compassion.”

Her brows furrowed, “Was and is?”

“Yes.  Like her, he is in between.  Different but similar.”

She turned her head to glance back at Solas.  He met her gaze and gave a slight shake of his head, “I am unsure.  I imagine we will see for ourselves soon enough.”  His hand went up to the back her neck teasing a curl that had fallen lose, “Perhaps, I am not the most cryptic after all.”

She shivered at the brush of fingers on her neck as she said, “He can’t help it.  You just do it because you can.”

Sherlock spoke before Solas could reply, “Wisdom wakes.  As I asked she heard.  She says she will visit soon.”

Solas eyes widened a hint and his smile grew, “That is good to hear.  Thank you.”

It was good to see him so happy and Emma turned completely to him.  His fingers brushing to rest against her collarbone as her fingers went to trace a line along his jaw, “Of course it would be wisdom.”

She saw a hint of pink on his ears, “We have known each other a long time.  I admit I have missed our discussions.”  His smile fell a hint as he looked at her, “Not that--”

Her fingers moved from his chin to his lips.  Then she replaced the fingers with a soft kiss before pulling from him, “You don’t need to explain.  She’s an old friend.  I’m not going to get jealous.  I’d like to meet her though, if she wouldn’t mind.”

“I am sure she would enjoy that.  I would have sought her help but she was lost to me for a time during her rest.  Perhaps now she may offer additional aid, along with this Compassion Sherlock has found.”

She turned back to Sherlock then, “Thank you for that Sherlock.”  She went to the spirit taking his hand.

“I can check them.  Your world.  If you let me.”

Her eyes widened, “You can do that?  How?”

“I can use your connection.  I won’t be able to see but I can hear.  Feel.  Search.”

She nodded, “Please.”

Solas stood quiet at her back, his hand lightly resting against the curve of her spine.  Sherlock reached up to touch her temples.  She shut her eyes, relaxing so he could easily go where he needed.  There was no way for her to know how much time passed before Sherlock removed his fingers from her.  When he did her eyes fluttered open to find his.

“It is dimmer now but I heard.  Your parents.  Your sister.  They are ready.  They think you are hurting.  Think it is cruel.  The man still hesitates.  They can’t do anything until he decides.”

She felt the blood go from her face and her hand fluttered up to her neck.  Every inch of her went cold.  She’d forgotten that.  Filed it away and refused it access till it had vanished completely from her thoughts.  How could she---

Solas spoke his tone low, “That day.  You said they would kill you.  Emma, what did you mean?”

“I---”  She swallowed moved her arms to hug them to herself, “I can’t breath on my own there.  There are… machines keeping me alive.  My family is---” she swallowed again forcing the words out, “They know I wouldn’t have wanted to be kept like that.  They don’t know I’m… that I’m here.  They want to turn the machines off.  When they do, my body dies.”

He grabbed her, swinging her around to face him.  His fingers dug into the flesh of her upper arms, his nostrils flared, as he ground out, “How, precisely, does one forget that?”

Her eyes stung, tears threatening to spill out as her head spun.  She wanted to flee, but to where?  There was nowhere she could go.  She stayed limp in his arms, her eyes looking at the floor.

He gave her a shake, “How, Emma?”

Something snapped in her then.  The feeling of defeat turned to one of anger.  The refusal to be judged for her actions in such an impossible situation.  She shook her head once before her eyes snapped up to meet his.

She brought her arms up quickly and forcefully, knocking his hands from her.  Then she took several steps back her teeth bared, “How!?  How do I not!?  Tell me Solas!  How was I supposed to keep going, to keep fighting if I had that constantly looming over me?  What the fuck difference would it make if you knew?  Would I be home right now?  Would letting it eat at me till there was nothing left get me---”

Solas pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.  She tried to pull away, managed to get her hands up as she pounded at his chest.  “Let me go.  I don’t---”His hand came up to stroke her head, “I am sorry.”

Her pounding grew weaker, “I don’t want you to--”

“I am afraid, vhen’an’ara.”

Now her pounding halted completely her fists resting against his chest and her forehead came forward to rest below his chin.

“Losing you would---”  She heard him swallow, could feel the deep vibrations of his voice as he continued, “I need to know that you are alive.  That you exist.  Even if it is not meant to be with me.”  His voice shook,  “The thought of you not being is…”

She felt his fingers twitch against her then he pulled from her just enough to tilt her head up before he pressed his lips to hers.  Her hands moved to grasp his shirt so she could pull herself up to deepen the kiss.

When their lips parted for a moment she spoke breathless into his mouth, “Make me feel, Solas.”

He pulled further from her.  His lips remained parted and his skin flush to match her own.  He kept his eyes locked to hers as he said, “I apologize, Sherlock.  We need to wake now.”

She followed him into the waking world.  The moment her eyes fluttered open he was on her.  Her breath was forced from her as he kissed her with long lingering caresses.  Caresses she greedily returned as her hands found the back of his neck, holding him to her.  

Magic tingled around her as she could feel some kind of barrier surrounding them.  In the same moment he slid the furs back.  

As he feathered kisses down her neck to nibble and kiss her collarbone she managed to speak through her breathlessness, “Barrier?”

He spoke against her skin, “Sound.  I would hear you without waking the camp.”

That brought her back just enough and her hands went to force his face away from where he was nuzzling her neck, “You could do that this whole time?  Why didn’t---”

His mouth was on hers again.  Hungry and hard.  His tongue sought out hers and she eagerly opened to meet him.  Any thoughts fleeing as she sunk into the sensation of him.

Which is why she didn’t notice when his hand first slid into the tops of her pants.  Then his fingers began to caress her.  Moving with long lingering strokes along her entrance before going to circle her clit.

She writhed against him, moaning her need into his mouth.  He let one finger slide into her and she arched gripping his shirt as he slid a second finger in.  He moved them against her slow and sure, going deeper with each stroke.

When he removed them from her she gave a whimper of protest.  Then he brought the fingers up to his mouth.  He tasted her, sucking his fingers clean of her arousal as his eyes stayed locked with hers.  

He let his tongue lick the last of her off his fingers before he said, “Mar rodhe ir’on.  You are delicious, I would taste you properly.”

Unable to form words she gave a nod of approval.  Her entire body tingling from her desire for him.  He set back from her as he gripped the waistband of her pants.  She lifted her hips to allow him to pull them off.  He did so as though he were revealing a great treasure and it warmed her even more.

Then his eyes went down to her outer thigh and he froze.  She eased up on her elbows, stomach quivering as she watched his brows furrow, “Solas?”

His fingers brushed along her skin, “This is…”

Then she realized what he was looking at.  “My tattoo?”  Panic fluttered in her chest.  Did he not like tattoos? “I… I got it years ago.  It’s--”

“A wolf.”

She hesitated, “Yes.  Do you not--”

He had bent his head to kiss it and now nibbled her skin as his hand slid between her legs running up her inner thigh.  Her words were swallowed as arousal over took her brain.

When he lifted his head again to look at her his eyes were full of hunger and his hand applied gentle pressure to her thigh.  “Open to me.”

She parted her legs for him and he moved to settle between.  He knelt there looking down to what she had revealed for him.  

His voice a whisper in the intimate space, “So perfect.”  His fingers found her opening again and he rubbed his palm against her causing her to start letting out breathy pants of desire, “Slick and wet.  So hot for me, vhen’an’ara.”

Two of his fingers slid inside her as his palm continued to rub against her.  The fingers caressed and circled searching out her most intimate spaces.  “To allow me this.  You honor me with your body.”

She managed a breathy release of words as she tried to focus and meet his eyes, “It is yours.  I am yours.  All of me.”

“You have it wrong, Emma.”  He moved his hand from her using it to lift her leg and settle it over his shoulder, “It is I that is yours.”  His mouth nipping and kissing a line from her knees down her thigh.  

She shivered.  Shook her head and spoke to him, “We are each others.  Even when we are no longer together.  I know it now.  I will always be yours.”

He froze for a beat before his hands slid beneath her, cupping her ass and lifting her up.  He growled against her skin before his face moved towards her heat.  When his tongue flicked out to touch her she arched from the bolt it sent through her body.

He moved his hands to her hips then, angling and holding her so she was completely vulnerable to whatever he wished to do to her.  His tongue licked along her folds.  He stopped just short of that bundle of nerves that so ached for him.  His tongue circling, teasing, before he licked along her opening again.  

She was panting.  Her hands clutching the cloth of their bedroll as she bit her lip to keep from crying out.  He pulled from her long enough to say, “I want to hear you.”  

Then his tongue was on her, caressing and teasing.  Tasting her with his strokes as he avoided the places she wanted him the most.  The pleasure building in her was almost unbearable and she let out a loud moan.

He was going to drive her mad.  She cried out, “Solas.  Please.  Solas I need---”

In response he licked her hard.  She started to try to rock her hips again.  He held her firmer pulling from her so he could look at her as he released a growl from deep in his throat, “More.”

He began lapping at her, quickly, almost violently.  His mouth full on her most sensitive spot, sucking greedily.  He moaned his pleasure and the vibrations sent shocks of pleasure up her spine.  She thought herself at the brink.  That she might explode from the intensity of it.  

She cried out his name repeatedly as she tried to rock against him, begging with her voice and her body.  His hand dug into her hips holding her exactly as he wanted her.   With his lips pressed firm around her his teeth nipped and his tongue darted over her.  The sensations were earth shattering.

Then he slid his fingers into her once more and she screamed her pleasure.  His name mixed with nonsense words to try to express how amazing it felt to have him inside her, on her.  His fingers expertly stroked her insides as he sucked and caressed her clit with his tongue and mouth.

She needed to touch him.  

One of her hands released the bedroll desperately searching out his free one.  He met hers twining his fingers with her own as he continued sending her over the edge.  Little specks of light starting to appear in her vision from the amount of pleasure he was bringing her.

His fingers increased their pace as his tongue applied pressure where she most desired it.  Anchoring her body with his mouth as he released a small burst of magic against her sensitive insides.  

And she was over the edge.

She chanted his name arching her back as wave after wave hit her body.  He moved his mouth from her and lifted his head to better see her as he rumbled, “Rosas’da’din sul em. Again.”

He released her hand so he could place his firmly on her lower stomach to keep her in place.  Then his fingers once more slid deep into her his thumb teasing her clit as he found her most sensitive spot once more.

She was breaking.  Shattering into a million tiny pieces as she cried out to him.  

“Once more.”

Her voice breathless from pleasure, “I ca---”

Another burst of magic and she did.  This time her body bucked violently enough he had to move both hands to grip her hips.  Pinpricks of light and color swam over her vision.  Her lips speaking his name over and over as heat flowed through her body.

Hands firmly holding her in place, Solas moved his mouth to her opening as she rode out her pleasure.  His tongue, gently caressing her, tasting her.

He stayed like that till her body went slack.  Then he removed his mouth from her with one last long lick.  He kissed her thigh as he moved the leg from his shoulder then made his way up her body.  

He brought his mouth to hers.  Kissing her deeply, sensually, before sucking her lower lip into his mouth.  It was too much.  She needed him too.  For this to be complete she needed his pleasure.  

She pushed him back so that he was forced on his knees then in one swift motion she tugged his pants down.  Her breath caught at the sight of him.  He was long, thick, and just so very perfect.  

He started to open his mouth and speak but she spoke before he could, “You are magnificent.”

His eyes caught hers, intense with want and something else that she swore could be guilt, “I am not.”

She reached down her fingers touching him lightly and he let out a hiss.  She gripped him stroking him long and lush.  The softness of his skin in contrast to the hard steel of him beneath her fingers, “Yes you are.  You are perfect.”

He sighed in what could only be resignation before he let his forehead rest against hers.  “Thank you.”

There was doubt in those words.  An ache that pained her to the core.  She stilled.  “Solas.”

He shivered, “Do not stop.  Sathan, Emma.  Please.  Tel’diana, ar isalan na.”

In that moment she wanted to erase the ache in the only way should could think to.  To banish his doubt.  

She let one of her hands trail to her still sensitive and wet opening.  Dipping her fingers inside and rubbing her palm against herself as he had only moments before.  Her other hand continued stroking him again.

His eyes had fluttered open once more and they looked to her hand closed around his length and then to the one that was feverishly working herself again.  She switched hands so he could not only feel but see her wetness coating him.  She felt him shiver as he let out what could only be described as a whimper.  The sound achingly intimate.

Her eyes went to his face as she panted, “Come with me, Solas.”

His eyes met hers and now all they held was the deep desire they felt for each other.  He brought his hands up to her face pulling her into another passionate kiss.  As she felt him start to shake more she moved her lips from his mouth, kissing whatever skin she could get to.

She stroked him in long loving movements, reveling in the feel of him as she brought them both to the brink.  He groaned his pleasure and she felt him twitch in her hand.  She knew he was close so she allowed herself to increase her touch on herself as well.

He moved his head into the curve of her neck and whispered her name against her skin.  He gripped her hips and let out the most delicious moan she’d ever heard.  She felt him start to rock his hips, sliding himself along her palm in increasingly frantic thrusts.  It was enough to push her over and her moan soon mixed with his as they both peaked.  The heat of him spilling onto her hand and thighs.

She turned her mouth to him now.  Once more kissing every bit of skin she could.  They stayed leaned against each other as both of them shook with the last remnants of their pleasure.

After a few moments he moved from her.  First he pulled off his pants completely then brought a cloth.  He asked her to lay down.  When she did he cleaned her with aching care.  Once he finished she pulled back on her pants as he wiped himself clean before pulling his pants back on and coming to lie down with her.

They wrapped themselves together as closely as the could.  Their arms and legs entwined.  They would need to get up soon but she just wanted a bit longer.  She held him to her as she kissed him softly on each eyelid, the tip of his nose, and finally his mouth.

In that moment she knew the truth of it.

As mad as it was to have happened as it did.  There was no denying it.  

She loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mar rodhe ir’on - You taste delicious   
> Rosas’da’din sul em - Cum for me  
> Sathan - Please   
> Tel’diana, ar isalan na - Don't stop, I need you.
> 
> So when the whole thing about her potential death happened in my head I fully expected there to be like a huge blow-out. Like not talk to each other for at least a couple days huge. Then these two pleasantly surprised me and this happened instead. I won't complain. ;)
> 
> I wasn't going to update till later in the week but this has been edited and ready to go for a while and I couldn't resist going ahead with putting it on here. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed :D
> 
> Next update will be next Tuesday.


	52. Solas- Morning After

He should make himself let her go.  The others had already started their morning.  He could hear them just outside.  The mumbles of greeting.  The rustle of tents.  The smell of meat sneaking its way through the air.

All this only kept away by a bit of fabric.  And yet, it felt like an entirely separate world from the one he was currently in.  

His ears full of her soft breathing.  Her contented sigh.  His body still enthralled by the feel of her soft and warm, tangled with him.  Skin and blood still tingling from her touch.  The pleasure she had brought to him.

He took a deep breath.  Vanilla, lavender, and rose filling his nostrils.  The hint of their shared lust still in the air.  Pungent, musky, and entirely unique to them.  To her.  The taste of her still on his tongue tangy and sweet, like biting into a ripe fruit.

It had been perfect.

She had been perfect.

No.  Not perfect.  Perfect was inadequate.  There were no words for what they had shared.  The things she had made him feel.  He was full.  So very full of something he could not place but did not wish to let go of.

His arms wrapped tighter around her.  Just a moment more.  

He could already feel the barrier for sound weakening.  When it fell completely he would release her.  He would return to the world outside.

He felt her stir against him, “Solas, we--”

“Please.”  His lips found her skin kissing her brow, her cheek, anywhere he could reach.  “I need...”

He needed for her to be alive.  Needed to know she was somewhere safe.  To save her he needed to get her away from here.  To save her he needed to let her go.

She pulled her face away just enough to be able to look him in the eyes.  Her mouth opened then closed again.  The intensity of her eyes made his heart thud.  

His fingers came up twining through her curls, “Ma av’in.”

Her fingers tightened on his shirt and she brought her mouth to his.  As their lips met he thought once more of the gift he had been given.  To have her even for a short time.  It was infinitely precious.  He would not squander a moment of it.

He gripped her to him and rolled so he was on top of her, careful not to put his full weight on her.  One of his hands kept tangled amongst her silken curls.  The other sought the hem of her shirt lifting it so he could once more feel the skin of her waist below his fingers.  Her warmth.

Her mouth opened for him and his tongue found hers.  Insistent and hungry.  She clung to him and he to her.  His senses leaving him as he became dizzy from the sensations rushing through his body.

All things considered, it was a surprise that he felt the barrier drop.  When it did he kept to his internal promise and pulled from her.  He sucked her lower lip in before kissing it tenderly and sitting up.  Both of them were breathing ragged but she didn’t complain this time.

Instead, she simply set up with him as they both put on their outer clothing.  When he had finished putting on his armor he looked over to her.  She had her fingers running through her curls separating the locks so she could braid it.

He could not resist, “May I?”

She looked at him puzzled for a moment before a smile formed, “You know how to braid?”

He smiled and moved behind her.  As his fingers brushed the back of hers she relinquished her hair to him, “You sound surprised.”

“Well, yeah.  I mean...”

He couldn’t hide the amusement in his voice as his fingers worked deftly along her curls, “You presume I was always thus?”  She started to turn but he tutted, “Still.”

She stopped turning her gaze forward once more, “You had long hair?”

He took a moment to try to imagine what she would have thought of him then.  The young cocky fool so sure of himself before he had started to truly question, to withdraw.  There had been a time, a very very long time after he had become Evanuris, when he had cared mostly for the easy things.  For what pleasure life could give him.  He had never had slaves but he had still taken when and where he wanted.  

There was no lack of elvhen nobility willing to satiate his seemingly endless desires, it met their own after all.  Desires not only for the carnal but for the status that came with spending even one night with one of their ‘gods.’  It had been lonely.  Despite the endless acts of debauchery and his enjoyment of them at the time, he had always been alone in the end.  Meaningless all of them.

He tried to picture what it would have been like if she had been there.  Without a doubt his younger self would not have hesitated as he did.  That self would have taken her hungrily and without reserve.  Over and over.  Kept her screaming her pleasure for days till both of them grew hoarse from it.

Yet, even as he thought this he could not properly picture her there.  Not because of the roundness of her ears, but because of  _ her _ , her essence, her very being, collided with that world.  All of them cold, calculating, and not a word or action done without purpose, without a desire for gaining something.  Even Mythal.  Even himself.  

Not her.  She was warm, kind, selfless, and so very soft.  She did not belong with them, did not belong with Fen’harel.  Not even in thoughts.  If he could help it she would never know that side of him.

She spoke once more breaking into his musings, “Was it like shoulder length or...”

“Long, though perhaps not quite as long as yours, it was close.  I do not miss it.  It is easier without.”

“Odd, I’ve never seen you shave and you are completely smooth up there.  No hint of stubble.”

He chuckled, “Magic, vhen’an’ara.”

She reached up near her ear where a curl had already freed itself, tugging on it before dropping her hand again, “Maybe I should consider doing that.  You could teach me the spell.”

He paused his braiding so he could brush his mouth against the exposed skin of her neck.  He trailed a line of kisses from her nape up to her ear and she shivered beautifully.

He spoke then his mouth still near her, “You would be breathtaking no matter.  However, I am rather fond of your curls.”  His teeth came up to give a gentle nibble to the rounded top of her ear before he set back, returning to his task.

One delicate finger came up again touching some of the shorter curls at the back of her head, “They never behave.”

He could not resist saying, “All the more fitting.”

“Oh ha ha.”  After a pause she spoke again, “Solas… I’m sorry that I--”

“There is no need.  What is done is done.” He tied off the end of the braid before twisting it into a circle at the back of her head, ‘I will succeed, you will be home, safe.”

She smiled softly, “Solas I..”  Her fingers picked at the blanket as she hesitated.  

He tucked her braid securely in place and then took her chin, turning her face to look at him, “Speak, vhen’an’ara.”

Her eyes flitted over his features before finally meeting his gaze, “Just, thank you for everything.  For this morning.  It was…”  She looked down once more searching for the word.

His thumb brushed along her cheek then down to trace lightly over her lower lip, “I do not think there is an adequate word; no matter, sometimes words are not needed.” 

She nodded before brushing kisses along his jawline.  Then finally a feather of a touch against his lower lip before she spoke,  “We should really get going.  I want to get that little girl the potion.  I hope she managed alright.”

His heart swelled for a moment with pride and love for her.  She had handled it well yesterday.  Not hesitated when she was needed despite the fact that she was afraid.  

“I am sure she is well, you did excellent, I would not have thought of the paste.”

She turned to catch his stare, her eyes bright, “Thank you.”

She left the tent and he followed behind.  The moment they exited they were approached by a lanky elf.  Bare faced, with tawny orange-brown skin, short brown hair, and emerald eyes.  

When he neared he spoke, “Well met again my lady.”

She smiled, “Well met.  I’m sorry it was…” She thought for a beat, “Feren?”

“Good memory, my lady.”

She shook her head, “Just Ella is fine.”

Solas kept his face neutral as he examined the new comer.  “Have we met?”

Feren turned his eyes to him, “Not formally.  I’m sure you’ve seen me about Haven.  You’re that Fade mage they have right?”

He said the word Fade like something filthy.  Not a word worthy of gracing his mouth.  Solas remained neutral in appearance.  Inside he grew an immediate dislike for the man, “Correct.”

Emma fidgeted and spoke up, “You’re one of Leliana’s right?”

“I’m a runner.  I do whatever odd jobs she needs me to.  When and if she needs me.”  He turned his eyes now from their examination of Solas back to Emma, “Which is why I came to see you.  I’m headed back to Haven.  Heard you have herbs for Adan.  Thought I’d offer to take back what you’ve got so far.”

She brightened, “That’d be perfect.  One sec.”

She turned bending to slip back into the tent for the herbs.  As she went Solas glanced at her then back at Feren who was now watching her disappearing form with a smirk.  He felt his jaw clench.

“Lucky man.”  Feren said as he kept his eyes on the opening of the tent, “She’s a pretty thing.  For a shem.  Is it true what they say about the fiery haired ones?”

Solas was not prone to jealousy.  He was fully aware that others would be attracted to her.  How could they not?  He accepted this.  Was fine with it.  What he was  _ not  _ fine with was disrespect towards her.  To have her so blatantly objectified made him want to knock sense into this petulant little fool.

The only outward sign of his rage was the clenching and unclenching of his fist, “Do you always show such disrespect?”

His eyes turned to Solas and there was a flash of something there but too quick to be caught.  The elf bowed his head, “Forgive me.  I just thought between--”  

Emma stepped out with a handful of herbs interrupting whatever Feren was about to say.  

Feren pulled his pack of his back and opened it for her, “Good stash.  Just put ‘em in here and I’ll get them to Adan.”

As she stuck them in his bag she said, “Thanks Feren.  I really appreciate it.  I’m sure Adan will be pleased as well.  Impatient as he is.”

Feren laughed, “If I’m lucky this may get me on his good side.  Assuming,” He paused a beat as though thinking, “Does he have a good side?”

She shrugged, a smile still on her lips, “I’ve yet to find that out.”

Solas spoke, eager to get her away from this man, “If that was all?”

Feren rubbed the back of his neck putting on a look of bashfulness that Solas saw through instantly.  

“Right.  Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you from your duties.  I’d best be on my way.  Fade mage.”  He gave a tilt of his head before his eyes went to Emma again, “Ella.  I hope to see you again soon.”

Solas knew her well enough to know her mind was already back to the little girl as she replied, “Have a safe journey.”

Feren gave a parting smile then turned and left.  Solas watched him wearily.  He debated having some of his people find more about this man.  Then he dismissed it almost as quickly.  If Feren was one of Leliana’s he had, no doubt, been looked into.  His own resources were limited.  He could not afford to keep using them on non-essentials.

Out of the corner of his eye he caught Emma starting to go to the potions table.  As she passed him Solas stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“Vhen’an’ara, a moment.”

When she spoke it was distracted.  Her mind clearly on the task ahead.  “Yes, dearheart?”

He froze.  His stomach fluttering as he absorbed the term she had used.  Yearning and pleasure mixing inside him as he looked at her.  He wanted to pull her to him then so badly it was an ache in his chest.

Instead he said in a hushed tone, “Dearheart?”

Only then did she realize what she had said and turned to him eyes wide, “I-- I didn’t--” She looked terrified as though she might have scared him off.  “If you don’t like it--”

Oh how he wanted to touch her.  To vanquish any doubts of his feelings for her by actions.  “I like it.  Though just between us, unless you are prepared for the others to know.”

She glanced around camp, “Yes… right, uhm you were going to say something?”

He was brought back to the issue at hand and his smile left, “Be weary.  I do not trust that man.”

Part of him expected her to fight him on this.  To jump to thoughts of jealousy.  Instead her eyes locked on his, searching for a moment before she gave a slight nod, “Alright.”  His surprise most have slipped out and shone on his face because she laughed lightly, her expression softening, “Don’t look so surprised.  I’ve told you, I trust you.”

“I--” he paused for a beat feeling emotions once more swirling through his gut, “Thank you.”

She nodded and freed her arm from his hand, heading to the potions table.  He allowed himself a moment to watch her movements, eyes settling on her left thigh where the wolf tattoo resided.  Though he still was unsure how he felt on that.  At the time it had been highly erotic.  That small unintentional symbol of him on her body.  Something he knew she would carry with her always.  

She had not even known him when she had gotten it.  Still did not know just how close she came to the truth when she called him her wolf.  How close she had been in the Fade.  Yet somehow, that one little coincidental tattoo, made it feel as though they were both headed down a predetermined path.  He could not decide if that was comforting or disturbing.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to fenxshiral for the translation here:  
>  **Ma av'in** = "My mouth. A very personal and slightly sexual endearment. The meaning is essentially, 'I love you so much, and desire you so much, that my mouth tastes like yours.' But also means, 'We understand each other on such a personal level, that you could talk for me.'"
> 
> I know I know, I said Tuesday but this I'm gonna say this is kind of like a companion to the last chapter so it feels right that they get released close together instead of several days apart.
> 
> Seriously though, next update will be on Tuesday now. For real this time guys. XD


	53. *The Cat Surrenders

When they had arrived at the Crossroads they’d split up for a time.  Ivy, Cassandra, and Sera went to go ask if anyone had seen the grey warden while Solas and Emma went to go check on Abby.  

As they came upon the little girl and her father, both seemed in high spirits.  Emma was glad for it.  She took a moment to check the wound and found that it hadn’t swollen or anything else worrisome.  It looked like Abby would be fine.  

After exchanging a few words with the child she had pulled the father aside.  She wanted to go over the use of the healing potion as well as how to make his own if he ever needed to.  Finished with her final instructions to the man her eyes wandered over to where Abby and Solas were.

Solas had knelt down in front of Abby.  She said something to him and he dipped his head for her.  Her little fingers coming up to explore the smooth area of his head as Solas set still.  Emma felt a smile form on her lips before she realized that the father had spoken to her.

Her eyes flitted back to him, “Sorry, what?”

“Do you two have young'uns?”

Her head flinched back a touch in surprise at the question, “No.  We aren’t…”  

She trailed off her eyes going back to Solas.  He must have sensed her gaze because he turned his head catching her eyes.  A moment later the child’s exploration went to his ear.  She watched him wince when the girl gave an exploratory tug before he turned to gently peel her fingers from their questing.  He pulled something out his pocket, handing it to her to divert her interest.  Whatever it was, Abby brightened instantly.

Emma turned her eyes back to the father, “We don’t have children.”

“New love.  Cherish it while you can.” He brought his hand up to squeeze her shoulder,  “Time is cruel, don’t waste it.”

She was keenly aware of that fact.  It was only so long before she had to leave.  When she did she would never see Solas again.  Never touch his skin or taste him on her mouth or hear the honey of his voice, the warmth of his amusement.

How she had fallen in love with him mattered little now.  She was in love with him and she would leave him.  That’s what mattered.  That’s what made her ache.

When she spoke it was barely a whisper, “I will.”

“You two ready?”  Ivy’s voice broke into the space her thoughts had taken her.

Emma turned to find Ivy at the base of the stone steps and yelled back, “We’ll be right there.”  Then she turned to the father, “I’ll just tell Abby good-bye then.  If you need anything ask any of the Inquisition scouts.  I’m sure they will help.”

The father gave a nod and another thank you as she went past him to Abby and Solas.  As she walked up the girl flung her arms around Solas’ neck, the fingers of one little hand wrapped tightly around some small object.

He let her hang on him for a moment before he carefully reached up to move her arms from his neck, “You will remember your promise?”

She nodded, “No more trying to take babies from their mommies.”

“Good.” He smiled and reached up a hand to brush across her hair, “Be well, da’len.”

He stood then and Abby turned her attention to the trinket he had given her.  It was a small wooden carving.  It looked to be in the shape of a wolf or dog.  Emma debated saying goodbye to the child but she was totally enraptured with her new toy so the idea was dismissed.

Instead she started walking, Solas falling easily into step with her.  She darted a sideways glance to him, “A carving huh?  When did you manage that?”

“It was being sold by the merchant here when you were healing her. I had thought it would serve a good distraction when she woke again.”

They walked down the stairs where the others waited, “I’d say you definitely were correct on that count.”  She wanted to entangle her fingers with his own, but had to settle for brushing the back of her hand against his as she said, “She seemed rather taken with you, dearheart.”

The barest hint of amusement flitted onto his face.  Subtle, as most things were with him, but she was getting better at spotting even his slight changes.  

He spoke softly as they neared the others, “She enjoyed the shininess of my head.”

She tried to swallow down the laughter but it came out as little whimpers of mirth.  That was enough to catch the attention of the others.  Cassandra even took notice, her eyes looking between the two had a softer expression than she had offered Emma so far.  The remembrance of Cassandra likely seeing them last night was enough to bat down what remained of Emma’s laughter.

Sera was the first to speak, “What’s so funny then?”  

“Nothing of import,”  Solas walked over to stand by Cassandra, “Simply something the child did.”

Sera eyed him, “You can’t turn it off can you?”

“Do I wish to know what you are referring to?”

“That.  Just bloody say, what.”  Sera blew air out of her mouth, “Always talking like you’re a thousand years old or some shite.”

Emma glanced at Solas as she thought over the fact that he was probably at least five times that, if not older.  Their lives a tiny droplet in the ocean of his.

He tilted his head, “Odd.”

“Ugh what?”

“I do not recall asking for your opinion.  If you intended to insult me, I believe that would be a necessary first step.”

Sera opened her mouth to speak but Ivy stepped in first, “You two can continue bonding later.  We’ve got to get headed to Redcliffe.”

Sera grumbled but Solas gave a slight nod of his head before saying, “Of course, Herald.  I apologize.”

Emma turned to Ivy, “What about the grey warden, any luck?”

Cassandra was the one to reply, “Yes, we believe he is residing in a cabin at a nearby lake offering his services to the people here against bandits.  Somewhere near horsemaster Dennet’s.”  She rubbed the back of her neck, “The location of it makes more sense that we go to Redcliffe first and hear out the mages.”

They started off walking, Emma stayed in the front with Ivy.  Sera wandered off the path, kicking at rocks, and occasionally giving mumbled complaints about the negativities of the outdoors.  Solas and Cassandra brought up the rear, staying just a few feet behind Emma and Ivy.

After they had walked for a bit Solas spoke,  “Cassandra I have been wondering about something.”  Cassandra gave a humming sound for him to continue, “The templars went to war to force mages back into the circles, which the mages would never agree to.  Did you believe the conclave could achieve peace, even so?  What solution could the Divine have offered when all sides rejected compromise?”

Emma could hear Cassandra’s intake of breath as she mulled over the question.  When she spoke it started out hesitant and almost wistful, “I had hoped so.  We all had.  That they went at all showed that they both realized the war was going nowhere.”

He gave a soft sound at the back of his throat that Emma now knew meant he was acknowledging the thought as valid, even if he did not agree completely.  He spoke, “Or they believed the other side would relent.”

Cassandra took another sigh, “I suppose we shall never know now.”  There was a beat before she asked, “I have wondered something as well, Solas.”

“Yes, Seeker.”

“How did you know to approach us?” She added, “After the explosion.  When the Breach opened we barely had time to think.  We were scrambling and suddenly… there you were.”

Now Emma’s ears perked up and she worked not to glance back in order to see his expression.

He replied with his usual easy tone, “I went to see the Breach for myself.  I did not know you would be there.”

Ivy glanced back speaking over her shoulder, “Lucky for me I guess.  You must’ve been close.”

“I’d come to hear of the conclave.”

“A wonder you didn’t run off after.”  Ivy spoke before turning back, “Not only after the Breach but after knowing I was healed.  You still stayed, even once you gave us a plan to seal it.”

“You sound surprised, Herald.”

Ivy laughed, “Surprised that an apostate would stay amongst a chantry sub-group called the Inquisition?   _No_ , why would that surprise me at all.”

Emma glanced back and, as she expected, she saw the faintest hint of irritation on his brow before it was gone, “I take my commitments seriously, Herald.  Come what may, I shall see this through.”

Cassandra spoke, “Though we cannot guarantee what will happen in the days to come, I confess I am happy you chose to stay.  Your aide has been invaluable.”

“I wouldn’t worry too much about it, Solas.”  Ivy smirked, “I’m fairly certain should anyone try to put a hand on you our other mage here would set them on fire in a moment.”

Emma smiled, “Naturally.”

Any hint of the cold masked voice was replaced by warmth when he spoke,  “As I would for her.”

Cassandra gave a soft cough, “I confess I had thought that the teasing from those two was all nonsense but---”

Solas spoke his tone still back to an easy lilt, “Would you not fight to protect your friend, the Commander, Seeker?”

“Of course.”

Emma was sure she could feel his gaze like a caress on her back as he continued, “Bonds made should be treasured, kept safe, no matter their nature; especially at times like this.”

Cassandra responded, “That is true.”

That was when Emma felt it.  The familiar pull that she felt the last time they had neared a rift.  She halted so suddenly it was a wonder Solas didn’t run into her back.  Instead he side stepped and came to her side.  His eyes went to her face, mouth opening to say something, before he looked at the direction she was searching.  All she could see there was ruins from this distance.  The rough outline of stone left to crumble, but she knew, the rift must be just past that.

Solas spoke for her, “I believe there is a rift near.”

Ivy looked at Emma, eyes searching for something before she spoke, “Not surprising.”  With a shrug she turned back to the path, “Might as well clear it out.  I could do with some action.  Too long on the road, muscles are getting bored.”

Cassandra had come up now and was looking at Emma with a frown, “Did she--”

Solas also turned to Emma then, “I am sure the Herald would not mind waiting while you take off your boot for a moment.”

Her brows pulled together, “My boot?”

“Yes,” his expression was easy, betraying nothing, “You were favoring your right leg.  I presumed that a small rock found its way into your boot, that _is_ why you stopped is it not?”

Again.  He was protecting her again.  It was too much.  Every emotion swirling inside of her from all that had happened today.  The overpowering emotion that her realization of love brought to her.  She burned, she ached, she needed to touch him.  The time they had shared in the tent this morning was not near enough.

This feeling of wanting to touch was not uncommon with new relationships.  She’d felt it before, just not like this, this was all consuming.  Perhaps it was due to the fact that she knew their time was so limited.  Whatever the case, she needed to feel his skin just for a moment.  If she didn’t she would go mad from it.

When her eyes met his she could feel the tension tightening between them almost instantly.  The tip of her tongue darted out to lick across her lip, a motion that he caught before snapping back to meet her gaze again.  The calm mask of his face, betrayed for a moment, as hunger came to his eyes.  Hunger that she had little doubt mirrored her own.

When she spoke she was surprised that her voice sounded so normal, “You guys go ahead.”  She tore her gaze from his looking to Ivy and giving an apologetic shrug, “I’ll just be a minute.”

Emma’s eyes did a quick scan of the area.  There was a spot tucked just a bit off the path, hidden on one side by the tree line and the other by a large outcropping of rock.  If they went there the rest would only need to be a bit up the path for them to be out of their line of sight.

“Solas,” She kept her eyes from him still shifting as they went to her boot, “Would you mind staying back and letting me lean on you.  It’s gotten a bit painful.” She looked up and gestured to the area off the path,  “If I could just make it over to those rocks I can sit and get the stupid thing off.”

His eyes did not leave hers as he said, “If the Herald does not mind.”

Ivy and Cassandra exchanged a glance before Ivy said, “Sure.  We’ll wait for you if we near the rift before you join us.”

“Ok, thanks.”  She smiled at Ivy, “We’ll hurry to catch up with you when I’m done.”

Emma barely registered their leaving as Solas came over to her, wrapping his arm around her waist.  It was a show of support for the benefit of the others still in sight, yet it still sent instant warmth through her.  

“Come.”

She played along, limping as she clung to him.  That was until the moment they passed the rock outcropping.  Then her hand found his shirt and she was twisting to pull herself against him.  He brought his finger to her mouth stopping her short and shaking his head.

“It would be unwise.”

She kissed the tip of his finger before letting her lips just barely suck him in.  Her eyes intent on his as his pupils grew more dilated from her actions.  When she released his finger she whispered, “Yet you came.”

He shuddered his hands finding her waist as he spoke, his mouth so close to hers she could feel the words brush her lips, “Who could resist a siren’s call?”

One hand left his shirt to find the back of his neck as she started to ease onto her toes, “Is that what I am?”

He gave into her now, so close that his lips brushed hers, “ _My_ siren.”

Then he was on her.  His lips devouring in their need, her own responding eagerly in kind.  Their tongues falling into the now familiar dance as she released mewls of pleasure into his mouth.  He pulled his tongue from her nipping lightly on her bottom lip before he pulled away.

She actually whimpered then.  Before she could voice anymore of a protest, he had spun her around, moving her to face the large rocks and pushing her forward so she braced herself against them.  The cool stone in stark contrast to the heat her hands emitted.

Then he wrapped one arm around her waist, pressing himself to her back.  The other hand reached under her top layers of clothing.  He found her breast, the nipple already hard for him through the fabric of her undershirt eliciting a low rumble of satisfaction as he cupped her.

She let out a sigh of pleasure and he leaned forward, lips finding her ear, “This will need to be quicker than I like and, as much as it displeases me to request it, you will need to be quiet.”  His tongue came out to flick against her earlobe and she bit her lip, “If you do that for me, vhen’an’ara, I will give you release.  Can you behave for me?”

She nodded her agreement as she tried to press even closer to him.

He pinched her nipple between his thumb and forefinger before he pulled.  Then his hand went to take her full breast kneaded her roughly.  He shifted slightly to her side still holding her breast, the arm that had been wrapped around her waist was removed.

Then he spanked her, hard.  She felt her wetness grow and let out a small whining moan.  He did it again this time kneading her ass as he kneaded her breast.  With her skin still tingling the sensation was more incredible than she would have thought.

“Emma.” She shivered in his arms and he spoke, his voice a low rumble that brokered immediate obedience, “Will you do as I ask or do I need to stop?  Speak.”

The sound that escaped her was more pant than word, “Yes.”

The hand that had been gripping her ass started to make its way to the top of her pants as he spoke again, “Yes to what?”

“I will do what you ask.  Anything just--”  He pinched her nipple again and she thrust her breasts out biting her lip to hold back the moan that swallowed her words.

“Good girl.”

The control he exerted, the command to his voice, it sent a shiver up her spine.  She had known he had this side of him but she hadn’t known he had this side to him in terms of this.  It was not something she would always welcome but, at that moment, the thought of relinquishing control to him made her throb with desire.

As his mouth found the skin of her throat, nipping and sucking, his hand slid into the top of her pants.  When he reached her heat his mouth vibrated against her skin as he voiced his pleasure, “Always so ready for me, my lovely Emma.”

As his fingers searched out her folds he spoke into her skin once more, “I want you to remember this.  When we are apart.”

He let two fingers slide slowly into her going as deep as he could.  She arched her back, her fingers flexing uselessly against the rocks surface, wanting to grab onto something anything, to ground herself.

“When you touch yourself remember how my fingers felt inside you.”  His thumb went to flick against her clit as his fingers caressed her in slow strokes.  She bit her lip to keep from crying out.  “Imagine I am there.  That it is me taking you to the brink.”

As though for emphasis he gave her breast a hard squeeze, “Promise me, Emma.”  

His fingers massaged her and she trembled, the promise of relief already close at hand.  Then he slid his fingers out of her entirely and she let out a keening sound at being left so close.  She rocked her hips back against him but he pulled his own hips away from her, denying her the feel of his arousal against her.

His one arm moved from her breast to grip her hip as the hand in her pants moved to simply cup her.  His voice a growl when he spoke near her ear.  “Emma, say it. Promise me.”

Even in her pleasure hazed state, she knew she shouldn’t promise that.  That it was wrong.  She also knew regardless of if she spoke it out loud or not she would remember his touch.  That she would spend nights imagining he was with her again, trying to recall the feel, taste, and sounds of him.

She spoke her voice a husky whisper, “I promise.  Solas, please…”

He removed his hand from her pants completely but before she could speak her protest, he gripped her, pulling her down to the grass with him.  She moved to straddle him but he flipped her around to place her back against him once more.  This time he opened his legs and pulled her to sit between them.  One arm across her chest to hold her to him as the other went into her pants once more.

It only took a moment for his fingers to find her, less than that for her to begin to buck at his touch.  She panted and tried to hold back her cries as his fingers worked her.  He moved the arm that had been holding her against him to pull down the collar of her armor.  Then he bit her, before sucking her skin into his mouth hard enough that she knew he was marking her.

Once his mouth released her his tongue came out to lick gently over the area of skin before he moved to her ear once again, speaking in a whisper, “I must finish this now, vhen’an’ara.  Nuvenan rosa’da’din.  Come for me.”

His free hand went up to cover her mouth as he released a series of strong bursts of magic against her most sensitive spots.  Already worked up to a fever she arched her back against him and couldn’t hold back from crying his name into his hand as she clenched around his fingers.

One of her hands gripping the fabric of his leggings and the other holding to his arm as she rode out the pleasure.  

Just as she felt herself finishing off the last wave, he hit her with another burst.  She cried out again as she once more orgasmed.  This time he moved swiftly replacing the hand that muted her cries with his mouth.  She released the sounds of her pleasure and he took them hungrily until she had none left in her.

Only when her noises had completely stopped and her body stilled against him, did he release her lips.  “You purr so beautifully for me; I could listen to you for an eternity but, we must join the others.”

Her mind came back to the world around her slowly.  “I wasn’t expecting that.”

He separated himself from her standing before he offered her his hand.  She took it and as he pulled her up he smirked saying, “No?  Is that not why you pulled me aside.”  

“Solas,”  She tried to straighten her clothing as much as possible, “You wouldn’t even kiss me along the path the other day, much less what we just did.”

He chuckled, “You did not seem to find it unpleasant.”

“No, it was…”  She couldn’t find the word so she shook her head instead then eyed him, “What about you?”

He started back to the trail looking completely unaffected, “I will be fine.”

She frowned as she hurried to fall into step next to him, “You… it didn’t…”

His eyes glanced at her then forward again, “I was affected, if that is what you are questioning.  I simply have learned to control such things to an extent, to be less rash.  Although, I should not have taken it that far, but you are…”  He glanced at her once more then shook his head.

She couldn’t help the smile that teased the corner of her mouth, “So, had you been your younger more rash self--”

“My younger self would have had your clothes torn off and been buried inside you before we had even gotten behind the rocks.  Be glad I have matured.”

Her feet halted as her mouth gaped.  That he could say stuff like that so matter of fact, as though he were talking about the weather.  It was---

“Are you coming, vhen’an’ara?”  He continued walking, not looking back,  “The others will begin to wonder.”

She hurried once more just in time to see their small group waiting for them before the ruins.  They hadn’t been spotted yet.  The three women were talking, Ivy laughing at something Sera had said as Cassandra simply shook her head.

As she drew next to Solas again she could not help saying, “Perhaps I would have welcomed it, Solas.  The thought of you buried inside me has been on my mind for a while now.”

Now it was his turn to halt in his steps.  The others spotted them just at that moment. Emma glanced back at him, winking, before she broke into a jog, “Come on then, don’t want to keep them waiting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't resist updating to round out the year. Hope you enjoyed. :D
> 
> As for next updates from now on just know that you will, without fail, get at least one chapter a week on Tuesdays. It will just often be more XD.


	54. This Rift Smells Fishy

As expected, there had been a rift on the other side of the ruins.  It had only taken moments for them to close it.  In the start, Emma’s stomach had still rolled nastily before she calmed herself for the fight.  Once the attacks had actually started, she was able to zone in completely, losing herself to the second by second actions around her again.

The group was efficient.  Sera’s bow skills were incredible, and she always fired true hitting the demons in key points.  Both Cassandra and Ivy were like human tanks.  Cassandra easily balancing shield and sword while Ivy swung her two handed weapon with an ease that made it look like the weapon weighed nothing.  A fact that Emma knew had to be very much false.  

Then, of course, there was her wolf.  The grace of his movements was something she wished she could sit back and watch for hours.  Every lean muscle of his body moving in perfect harmony to protect or destroy, seemingly without effort.  Everything he did was subtle.  His fighting style was no exception, nor did he need it to be.

When the fighting had ended, and the rift was sealed, Emma went about trying to see if there was anything she could collect for Minaeve.  Most of the demons seemed to simply turn to dust once killed, or cease to be completely.  An odd thing, considering they were definitely solid.  She debated for a bit on what to do before she headed near the ruins where a large pile of one of their ashes was.  

As she was putting the demon ash in a small pouch she sensed a tingle of something else in the ruins.  She had looked over to Solas, but if he felt anything he didn’t show it.  He was engaged in quiet conversation with Cassandra.  Sera and Ivy were near Emma trying to tally up their kill counts.  They were arguing, in a playful manner, on rather it was Sera’s arrow or Ivy’s sword that had finished off one of the terror demons.

She glanced at her occupied companions once more before eyeing the ruins in front of her.  They weren’t in the best of shape.  There was a whole section of bridged area that had crumbled almost completely, it was held up now only by the fact that it happened to be over a room of the small fortress.  Still, not like her small amount of weight added could do that much damage.  Probably.

Her eyes searched for a way to get in.  There was a hill to her left with a large stoned path that looked like it could lead up to an entrance.  Without another thought she jogged up the hill unable to hold back her grin as she saw that her guess was correct.  

The room she walked into had almost completely been reclaimed by nature.  The stones of the floor barely visible through the grass that now grew there, piles of stones from bits of upper wall that had fallen lay scattered in corners.  The only sign people had been here were a few barrels and a lone table.  

She looked around her trying to sense which direction the tingle was coming from.  There was a ladder that led up, but she happily concluded that whatever the item she sensed was, it wasn’t there.  She did enjoy exploring, but climbing on top of wood boards that she could tell had, at the very least, the beginnings of wood rot seemed more stupid than adventurous.  Instead she headed towards the other opening of the small keep.

This opening led out to the walkway over the arched entrance.  She could hear her companions again now, though she couldn’t make out what they were saying.  The crumbling section of the walkway was the first part she encountered.  She tried to step out gingerly but her weight still managed to shift the stone so that a few of the lower small ones rolled down.  They hit the overhang of the room below her making much louder clanking and banging sounds than she would have thought from such tiny pieces.

As she took another step forward she tested with her foot before putting her full weight this time.  Still, it was too late to go unnoticed.  Ivy’s voice reached her ears, “What are you doing?!  You’re going to break your neck.”

She kept her eyes focused on her steps.  The rest seemed sturdy but it was uneven.  The last thing she needed was to step on a stone wrong and twist her ankle, or twist her ankle and fall off the side.

When she yelled back she did so without taking her eyes from her footing or slowing, “I wanted to see if there was anything interesting over there.”

“I’ll give you gold if you get your ass back down here.”

She was almost to the end of the crumbly bit as she replied, “I’m not looking for that kind of stuff.”

“Then what?”

“I dunno.”  She stepped off the last of the crumbling stone back to solid ones.  Only then did she turn to glance at Ivy with a smile,  “Something.”

“Something…”  Ivy put her hands on her hips then turned her head to Solas, “Tell her to get down.”

Emma’s eyes glanced over to him.  He was leaning on his staff watching her closely, “I do not know why you think I would succeed thus, Herald.  I am not her keeper.”

Emma turned her attention back to the walkway, going into a light jog to get to the end.  As she did she heard Ivy say, “No, but you were sucking her face only a bit ago.  I’d have guessed that gave you some kind of sway.”

It was lucky she had come to the end of the pathway then.  It was less obvious when her footsteps halted as she nearly stumbled at Ivy’s words.  She shot a glance their direction, but could no longer see them over the edge of the stones.

Solas spoke with no hint of tone change, “Even  _ if  _ this were true you know her, her curiosity has been peaked, there is nothing I could do to deter her from it.”

There was a small wood path circling the outside of the tower in front of her.  She went over to it placing one hand on the cool stone wall as she pulled herself up on it.  Then she let her leg go over the edge, testing the wood for stability.

“You could try!”  Ivy’s voice fainter but still clear.  Emma eased her whole weight onto the wood still keeping both hands on the stone just in case.  Then Ivy’s voice again, “You’re enjoying this.”

Emma moved from the wall following the curve of wood to a ladder.  She pulled on the rungs confirming it was still secure to the wall before she started her climb.  

Solas’ voice was muffled now by the stone but she could still make it out, “It would be a lie to say I do not find her curiosity a refreshing thing, at times.”

As Emma climbed over the top wall she heard Sera’s snicker, “Her curiosity or her other bits?”

Ivy spoke next, “If he was talking about her other bits I’m sure there would be different descriptions than refreshing.”

Emma could hear Sera and Ivy start to list of descriptors that she knew would grow increasingly lewd.  She tried to block them out as she took in the area around her.  It was evident from an abandoned tent that someone was, or recently had been, camping here.  There was a small pouch that looked like a coin purse tucked near the bedroll.  She ignored it in case the person came back.

Instead her eyes found a table with a large book on top of it.   _ That  _ was what she had sensed.  When she moved forward to brush her fingers on the leather binding a small residual burst of magic tickled along her fingertips.  As she opened it, the binding made a quiet crackling sound.  The pages dried out and brittle from being exposed to the elements.  

She looked through it, careful not to tear anything, and could tell instantly it was about magic.  There was a page that went on about the evil’s of the Fade.  The dangers that lay within it for mages so she would guess the book was from the Circle.  There was too much technical magic use talk in it for it to be Chantry.

She picked it up and went over to the wall so she could look down on her companions.  “Hey, I found something!  I’ll be down in a sec.”

It only took her a few minutes to get back down to them.  When she made her way down the hill Solas met her, his eyes immediately drawn to the book in her arms, “May I?”

With a nod she passed the book over to him. His long fingers opened it, skimming pages much as she had.  As he did the others came over to join them.

Cassandra was the first to speak, “What is it?”

Solas’ eyes stayed on the pages as he spoke, “One of the Circle’s tomes, it would seem.”

“Ah,” Cassandra shifted glancing off to the direction they needed to start going, “I’m sure Madame de Fer will be interested.”

The slightest flash of irritation went through Solas’ eyes before vanishing almost as quickly.  He snapped the book shut, “Indeed.”

Sera, clearly bored with all this, had been fiddling with one of her arrows.  Now, as she spoke, she pointed it at Emma then Solas,  “What’s with all you mages and books?”

Solas had pulled his pack off and was putting the tome inside.  Emma interrupted, “I can--”

“I do not mind.”  He spoke to Sera as he closed his pack, “The seeking of information is not regulated to mages, Sera, had you an interest you--”

“I don’t.  Reading is boring.  Shooting shite, that’s fun.”  She smiled as her finger brushed the tip of the arrow once more.  “I learn plenty from that.  More useful than any dusty old book.”

Emma shook her head, “There are plenty of books that are just for fun.  In fact, Varric wrote a book called Swords and Shields that is actu---”

“You read Swords and Shields?”  Cassandra’s voice held an eager surprise that was frankly adorable.  Also, completely unexpected.

Eyes wide Emma replied,  _ “You’ve  _ read it?”

“I--”  Cassandra cleared her throat and mumbled something before saying louder, “We should be going.”  Then she was down the path.

Ivy’s previously annoyed expression, had turned to one of great amusement as she hurried after Cassandra to continue pestering about this new discovery into the Seeker’s life.  Sera followed behind her leaving Solas and Emma to take up the rear once again.

Solas spoke in a hushed tone so the others wouldn’t hear, “Am I correct in my recollection that this book is of a romantic nature?”

Before she could reply, Ivy must have said something especially irksome to Cassandra because Cassandra’s raised voice traveled back to them, “It is literature!”

Ivy and Sera both guffawed.

Emma smirked, “Smutty literature.”

“You find the book pleasant?”

She glanced at him, raising a brow, “Yes…”

“Perhaps you will lend it to me sometime.”

She laughed, “Really?  You enjoy smutty literature, too?”

“On occasion I have; in this case, it would be research.”

“Re---”  It took her a moment to realize what he was implying.  When she did, heat flooded her cheeks.  Her smile turned soft as her eyes kept to the road, “If your previous performances are any indicator, you’ve no need for it.”

“One should always strive to improve upon that which they are passionate about.”

Her grin broadened, “In that case, I would recommend actual practice as the best means of research.”

“Valid recommendation.”  He shifted nearer to her, just enough that he could reach out a finger to caress a line along the side of her hand, “When the opportunity should arise again, I would happily take the chance for more practice sessions.”

“I--” Before she could say anything more she sensed another rift but this one was… different.  It felt odd.  The song of it was all wrong.

Solas’ hand gently gripped her wrist and she realized she had stopped, “Emma?”

“Sorry, another rift but it isn’t…”  She paused, “Something is off about it.”

He released her wrist, “I believe we should keep this to ourselves.”  Her eyes went from the road to his face, his own gaze was on their companions, “Let us join the others.”

She started to walk with him again, “Shouldn’t we warn them?”

He shook his head, the slightest of frowns curving his mouth, “It is too risky.  The Seeker’s attention has already been caught by the previous warning; to do so again so soon would be unwise.  Have faith.  They are capable of handling the situation.”

Just as she caught the familiar flickering green of the rift she could hear a female voice yelling.  The sound growing clearer as she ran towards them, “--on that damn thing.  Sound the alarm at the first sign of demons.”

She exchanged a glance with Solas before they both jogged to catch up to the others.  The woman had stopped in front of Ivy to say, “Turn back.  We can’t open the gate with that thing outside it.”

Ivy pulled her sword off her back in one smooth movement, “We’ll take care of that rift for you.”

The woman’s eyes caught sight of the mark before they went wide, “You’re the Herald.”

Ivy let out a small sigh at the term, “So I’m told.  Now let me kick some ass so we can get past this stupid thing and on with our day.”  She glanced at the rest of them, “Ready?”

Emma took a deep breath as she brought her staff forward.  Even from here she could tell there were at least two of the terror demons.  She hated them.  She had only faced them twice now, three times if you count that one she still couldn’t recall on the way to Val Royeaux.  Still, she did not have to face them more to know they were horrible.  Like demonic jack in the boxes.

Maybe if she thought of it more like some twisted game of whack a mole.  Though she was always awful at that.  She would end up just randomly slamming the mallet down while shouting insults at the stupid things.  Probably not the best method here.

Ivy waited till they had their weapons, “You all know the drill.”  

Then she was running full blast into the demons while she let out a war cry that seemed to rumble the ground itself.  Cassandra followed close behind releasing her own cry of attack.  

Emma worked fast.  She got a barrier around Ivy just as Ivy swung her huge sword down on the first terror demon, the blade biting into the demon’s side.  Then Emma did the same for Cassandra who had gone to flank the demon Ivy was working on.

Finally she made one for Sera who was releasing arrow after arrow.  Solas had already taken care of his own so Emma quickly created a barrier for herself before going to the task at hand.  

While the warriors and Sera focused on the bigger demons, Emma and Solas worked to quickly dispatch the wraiths.  When the first group was done the rift spit out another group of them.  

As Emma was dealing with the second group of wraiths, she felt the ground under her shift,  magic building there.  She had only a split second to act.  

In quick succession, she gestured to strengthen her barrier while she jumped back.  The terror demon surfaced right at that moment.  She wasn’t fast enough and the demon hit her barrier with force.  She brought her arms up in front of her in an automatic defense gesture as the momentum of it slid her backwards.

The demon followed with what seemed like incredible speed.  Far faster than they had been in the past.  That was until it was close enough to strike then it had returned to normal.  Which was a good thing since she almost froze up with the suddenness of it, and the fact this was the first time one had gotten close.

With practiced movements she set a fire glyph under the demon before releasing quick bursts of magic.  The claws came within inches, scraping her barrier so badly she could feel the pressure of it on her skin.  If the demon got another hit in, there was little doubt the claws would go through.

Just as the demon pulled back to strike again, the glyph activated.  The demon was nothing but ash in a matter of seconds.

Only then did Emma look up to find the world moving in a blur of speed around her.  Then in the next second the rift was closed.  Everything returned to normal speed.  The transition so strange and sudden that it pushed the breath from her lungs.

When she spoke her voice sounded as though she’d just finished a hard run, “What… was that!?”

Though Solas didn’t move to her, she felt his magic on her skin.  She could feel it tracing over every inch of her as though someone were caressing her as they looked her over.  Not someone.  Solas, it was distinctly Solas.  He was checking her for injuries.  Going over every inch of her gently and closely.  The sensation made her flush.

In truth the whole thing must have only lasted a second before he pulled his magic back from her.  Seemingly satisfied he spoke, “I am unsure.  The rift altered the flow of time around itself.  That is… unexpected.”

Ivy shook her hand out as she said, “There are a shit ton of mages in there.  Surely one of them knows something.  Maybe Fiona?”

The woman who had run over to them before came back telling the people inside Redcliffe to open the gates.  Almost as soon as the gates opened an Inquisition scout of Leliana’s came up to them.

He brought his hand up to his chest and addressed Ivy, “Herald.  We’ve spread news the Inquisition was coming, but you should know that no one here was expecting us.”

Ivy frowned, “It isn’t a promising start to an alliance if their leader forgets this large of an invitation so soon.”

The scout gave a shrug, “If Fiona was expecting you, she hasn’t told anyone.  We’ve arranged use of the taverns for the negotiations.”

“Alright, though I’m not sure how I’m supposed to go through with planned negotiations when they’re completely forgotten by the other party.  Generally these things require two sides.”

Cassandra spoke, “We’ll see soon enough.  With luck we will have a better idea once we arrive there.  Something doesn’t feel right.”

“Agents of the Inquisition, my apologies!”  A mage came hurrying towards them stopping once he was a few feet away,  “Magister Alexius is in charge now, but hasn’t yet arrived.  He is expected shortly.  You can speak with the former Grand Enchanter in the meantime.”

Emma looked to Solas as she went over this world’s titles in her head, “Magister… isn’t that a Tevinter title?”

“Yes.”  Solas’ fingers flexed slightly.  A signal that she had come to understand meant something was making him uncertain.  His eyes went to hers, “I understand what you meant before, when you spoke of it not feeling right.  The veil is weaker here than in Haven.  Not only weaker but altered in a way I have not seen.”

“That isn’t reassuring at all.”   _ If this was new even to him… _

Cassandra spoke next, “We should talk to the Grand Enchanter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always thanks for reading. Your comments, kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, and all around support really make my day. Seriously, you all are amazing. Hope you enjoyed :D


	55. Vents, Mages, and Time Magic Oh My

Redcliffe’s tavern was bigger than the one at Haven.  When they walked in the place was devoid of all people.  It was obvious it had been cleared out suddenly, as there were still pints scattered on the tables and bar.  Some turned over on their side.  Some still holding liquid.  There were even a few plates with some half eaten meals on them.

The food was not helping the odd mix of smells currently assaulting Emma’s nose.  The tavern was filled with the smell of fish from the water that Redcliffe set on.  This would not have been bad but mixed with the various aromas of some kind of overly vinegar filled dish as well as human sweat the result was… pungent.  

An odd choice for such an official meeting but perhaps they had few options.  At least it was private, or mostly private.

As they walked further in, Fiona stood from a nearby table to greet them.   There was another mage with her that Emma didn’t recognize, but there was no doubt that Fiona was the same woman that had given them the invitation.  She had certainly seemed lucid when she did, and Emma had sensed no odd magic around her.  Which wasn’t saying much.  Surely Solas would have sensed it and mentioned it if there had been.

For a moment she thought perhaps Fiona had a reason for not telling the others, but the look of confusion on her face immediately dispelled that theory.  

“Welcome, agents of the Inquisition.”  Her voice was warm despite the hint of uncertainty that tinged the words, “What has brought you to Redcliffe?”

Ivy and Cassandra exchanged a glance before Ivy took the lead, “You.  We’re here because of your invitation at Val Royeaux.  It hasn’t even been a month.  Did you honestly forget?  Or is this some game?”

Fiona shifted and tilted her head, “I haven’t been to Val Royeaux since before the Conclave.”  She gave a slight shake of her head, “I assure you, I’m as confused as you are.”

Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose, “You don’t have an identical twin by chance?”

“No.  It really seemed like me?”

Cassandra spoke, “One in the same.  You gave your name, it was you.  As sure as you stand before us now.”

Fiona frowned, “As I said, I’m afraid you’re mistaken.”

Something was definitely not right here.  It was undoubtedly the same person.  Unless someone had somehow made themselves look and sound just like her with some kind of spell, but to what end?  Emma glanced to Solas.  His fingers flexed.  He was concerned, not a good sign.  Her eyes went back to Fiona and Ivy.

“Alright.”  Ivy sighed, “I can tell you’re being honest but that begs the question, if it wasn’t you then who?”

“I..” Fiona shifted once more, head tilting again, “I don’t know.  Now that you say it.  I feel strange.”  She looked down and shook her head before looking up again, “Whoever, or whatever, brought you here, the situation has changed.”  Now she had forced her chin up, the stance of a leader, “The free mages have already…” her chin fell a hint, “pledged themselves to the service of the Tevinter Imperium.”

Emma’s eyes widened.  Tevinters were slavers.  They treated elves horrifically from what she had gathered, as well as spirits.  Her eyes shifted to Fiona’s ears.  An elf.  How could… no how could anyone seemingly sensible and good person align themselves with that, even if desperate?  Fiona had seemed warm and appeared to carry an intelligence about her.  How then?  Had Emma misread the woman so badly?

She took in Fiona’s face, the hint of a furrow in the brows and down turn of the mouth.  She was not happy with this alliance either.  The look was a woman trying to work through a problem while drunk.  Sorting through haze in her mind.  Something was definitely not right here.  Not at all.

Cassandra spoke in disbelief, “An alliance with Tevinter?  Do you not fear all of Thedas turning against you?”

Solas took a step forward then his eyes locked on Fiona, “I understand that you are afraid, but you deserve better than slavery to Tevinter.”

Fiona took a half step back shaking her head again, “As one indentured to a magister, I no longer have the authority to negotiate with you.”  

Ivy spoke once more, “An alliance with Tevinter is not the answer.  That was a terrible mistake.”

Now Fiona’s face crumbled, the pain of her situation showing clearly, “All hope of peace died with Justinia.”  She started to pace as she spoke, “This bargain with Tevinter would not have been my first choice, but we had no choice.”  She stopped shook her head as she straightened her shoulders once more, face turning hard again, “We are losing this war.  I needed to save as many of my people as I could.”

Before Ivy could reply, the sound of the door opening stopped her.  They turned towards the noise to see two men walking in.  The one that stayed behind was younger with a kind look about him.  He wasn’t dressed flashy or anything like she would have expected.  The one in the lead was older and, she would guess, the magister.  He was dressed flashier with some kind of odd hood with a pointed top that brought to her mind a red shark’s fin.  There were also two bits of fabric coming off each side of the cloak.  They were pointed and near enough to where his ears would be that they reminded her of elf ears.  Which was interesting, given their treatment of the race.  Unless they didn’t realize what it looked like.

Before they had gotten completely inside, Emma felt Solas’ magic on her skin.  Just a hint of it.  It was barrier of some kind.  She felt her own magic being pushed down behind it even as it responded to the feel of his.  It took her only a second to realize he was shielding her powers from the Tevinters.  Why he would, she had no idea, but she would ask later.  For now, she would trust in his reasons, whatever they may be, and continue to act as though he wasn’t both caressing and stifling her with his power.

“Welcome, my friends!”  The older man spoke as he walked towards them with a large smile that didn’t reach his eyes, “I apologize for not greeting you earlier.”

Fiona spoke barely managing to hide her distaste, “Agents of the Inquisition, allow me to introduce Magister Gereon Alexius.”

The Magister walked to stand directly between Ivy and Fiona, the younger man following a bit behind.  When the Magister looked at Ivy his eyes were intent, hungry almost.  It made Emma’s jaw clench.

“The southern mages are under my command.”  The intensity of his gaze grew, “And  _ you  _ are the survivor, yes?  The one from the Fade?”  If he thought he was fooling anyone that he didn’t know exactly who Ivy was he was an idiot.  He continued on, “Interesting.”

Cassandra stepped forward, “Before we continue I am curious, why have we not seen the Arl.  Arl Teagan did not abandon his lands during the Blight, even when they were under siege.  I find it odd he is not here.”

“There were…” He smiled coldly again, “tensions growing.  I did not want an incident.”

Ivy sighed, “Well, we’re here, whatever the case.  So let’s get this talk started.”

“Of course,” He started towards the nearest table taking a seat and motioning at the chair across from him.  As Ivy walked over taking the other chair he said, “I appreciate a woman who gets right to the point.”

Ivy scrunched her nose at the comment as she seated herself.  Alexius missed it since he was looking to the young man that had come in with him, “Felix, would you send for a scribe, please?”  Then he glanced at the others, “Pardon my manners.  My son Felix friends.”

There was that friends again.  Like venom seeping from his mouth.  Friend must have a totally different meaning in Tevinter,  _ buddy _ .

Felix gave Ivy a bow then turned to go.  His son gone Alexius’ eyes were back on Ivy, “I am not surprised you’re here.  Containing the Breach is not a feat that many could even attempt.”  He leaned back in his chair with that grin still on his face.  The look of a man confident in his superiority and control of the situation, “There is no telling how many mages would be needed for such an endeavor.  Ambitious, indeed.”

Ivy, never one to be intimidated simply turned it into a joke, “Well you can hardly afford to think small when you’re fighting a massive tear in the sky that shits out demons.”

Alexius’ gave a loud fake laugh before he said, “Indeed.”  Then he leaned forward, “There will have to be--”

His son had returned and the magister stopped when he spotted him.  Felix seemed about to stumble and fall, something clearly not right.  On instinct Emma started to step forward, but Solas placed his hand on her arm just long enough to halt her.  Instead, when Felix fell, it was Ivy who stood to catch him.

For the first time a genuine emotion crossed the magister’s face as he hurried towards his son.  “Felix!”

As Ivy released him Felix addressed her, “I’m so sorry!  Please forgive my clumsiness, My Lady.”

The magister’s eyes were locked on his son, “Are you alright?”

Felix nodded still staying somewhat slouched, “I’m fine, father.”

Alexius was unconvinced, “Come.  I’ll get your powders.”  He turned his eyes from Felix back to Ivy, “Please excuse me, my friends.  I must see to my son but perhaps we can do this at a better time.  If you give me two days we can meet at the castle perhaps share a meal as we discuss terms.”

Ivy spoke, “Perhaps.”

Then the magister walked away, Felix following.  As the he passed Fiona he spoke again, “Fiona, I require your assistance back at the castle.”

The Magister turned just before he walked out the door saying, “I hope to see you at Redcliffe’s castle at noon in two days time.”

Fiona followed the Magister out, Felix was last and also slowed just before leaving.  He looked to Ivy, “I don’t mean to trouble everyone.”

Almost the moment they had left people started streaming into the Tavern again.  The group moved closer together and as they did Emma noticed Ivy held a letter.  She looked from the letter to Ivy.  When Ivy caught her glance she handed it over.

Emma’s brows furrowed as she read it out loud, just enough for the others to hear, “‘Come to the Chantry.  You are in danger.’”  Emma handed the note back unable to resist adding, “So, typical day for you then.”

Ivy gave a lopsided grin as she took the note back, “Every fucking day since I got this glow hand.  As far as I can tell, only good it’s done me is it makes a decent candle at night.” She frowned down at the offending appendage,  “Glow hand.”

Cassandra put in, “It seals the rifts.”

“Yes, but that’s no benefit to me.  Just means I get to know what it’s like to be a key.”

Solas spoke then, “The situation is not ideal.”

Before Ivy could respond, Sera spoke, “It’s odd ain’t it.”  She stood looking at some spilled ale, “People don’t care if you put someone else’s bits in your mouth but lick some ale off the floor after a second and your gross.”  She looked at them to find them all staring at her, “What?”

Emma was the first to speak, “Sera, I’m sure that sounded different in your head but-- actually nevermind.  I imagine it sounded the same in your…” Solas started to slowly remove his magic from her and she almost swallowed down the last word, “head.”

Her eyes glanced to him and he was watching her closely.  What was he-- there was a caress of magic on certain parts of her anatomy.  She flushed and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards before he proceeded to completely remove the magic from her.

_ Naughty man. _

Sera’s voice brought her back to the room, “What?  I can think things too, yeah.”

Cassandra made a disgusted sound.

“Feel free to lick that off the floor Sera, I won’t judge, but then we should get going.”  Ivy shifted, “I’m aware this could be a trap but surely nothing worse then we’ve dealt with before,” She shrugged, “Might as well.”

Emma smiled, “I’m with you for better or for worse.”

Ivy flung her arm over Emma’s shoulder pulling her in, “It’ll probably be for worse.”  Then she started towards the door pulling Emma along with her, “Onward, we have fuckery to deal with.”

Ivy kept her arm across Emma’s shoulders all the way to the Chantry building.  A good thing, considering she felt a rift again after only going a couple feet out of the tavern.  It had the same off feeling as the one at the gate had.  Luckily, the forward motion from Ivy kept Emma walking without any hesitation or signs she’d felt something.  Though it did make her feel somewhat wrong for not sharing the information, she knew what Solas had said was right, they were capable.  They did fine all those times she hadn’t been there and would continue doing fine when she was… gone.

They neared the entrance of the Chantry and Emma forced the thoughts that had started to invade her mind back out again.  

The moment they opened the door they heard fighting.  Directly in front of them was a mage with dark hair and the most incredible mustache Emma had ever seen.  He was fighting two demons using both magic and the staff itself.  She hadn’t had the chance to see a mage do that yet.  Nothing had gotten close enough to Solas that it had been necessary, an aspect of fights with him she was perfectly happy to have continue.

This mage was clearly powerful also.  She could feel his magic all the way at the door.  It was much flashier than Solas’ and had a kind of heat to it.  In truth it was hard for her to pinpoint words for these things in her mind.  The sensations for magic were unique.  

The unknown mage dispatched the last of the two demons and turned to them.  When he spoke he was only slightly out of breath his tone almost jovial, “Good! You’re finally here!”  Then his voice turned more serious, “Now help me close this would you?”

The rift was already pulsing to release more demons.  As they withdrew their weapons Emma spoke, “This is the same as the one at the gate.  Beware of time alteration areas.”

Cassandra replied, “Understood.”

Sera groaned, “More magic shite.”  Then she was off going to place herself at a good position for giving maximum damage.

Cassandra and Ivy were already pushing forward by the time the first demon appeared.  Solas throwing a barrier over Cassandra just as Emma threw one over Ivy.  Then it started.  Solas and Emma staying near to each other, as they both protected and attacked, as needed to back up the others.

All in all it only took moments this time.  As soon as the fighting was done everyone met near the center of the chapel.  The new mage looking around curiously as he came forward, “Fascinating.  How does that work, exactly?”

Ivy simply shrugged, “Fuck if I know.”

Dorian raised his brow showing them a wide genuine grin, “So, you just wiggle your fingers and boom!  Rift closes.”

“Basically,”  Ivy lifted her hand and wiggled the aforementioned fingers before putting the hand down again, “We were expecting Felix.  Who are you?”

“Ah, getting ahead of myself again, I see.  Dorian of house Pavus, most recently of Minrathous.”  He gave the slightest bow, “How do you do?”

Cassandra shifted, “Another Tevinter.  Be cautious with this one.”

Dorian’s eyes went to Cassandra but the smile didn’t leave his face, “Suspicious friends you have here.  Magister Alexius was once my mentor, so my assistance should be valuable,” He shrugged, “as I’m sure you can imagine.”

“Well, nice to meet you Dorian,” Ivy placed a hand on her hip, “but that still doesn’t answer why you and no Felix.”

“I’m sure he’s on his way.  He was to give you the note, then meet us here after ditching his father.”

Once more Emma’s mouth got ahead of her, and she spoke before she could think better of bringing the attention to herself.  “Is Felix alright?  I realize it was probably an act but… he seemed drawn in his features and his father couldn’t get to him fast enough.”

Solas stiffened just a hint next to her and she knew he wasn’t pleased she’d brought herself attention from the unknown Tevinter.  She felt the hint of his magic and just barely motioned with her hand.  He pulled back, though she imagined he wasn’t entirely pleased.  However, if her magic was an issue here Dorian would already have felt it.  No use trying to hide it at this stage.

Dorian’s eyes examined her but not unkindly and less thoroughly than he had with Ivy, “He’s had some lingering illness for months.  Felix is an only child, and Alexius is being a mother hen, most likely.”

Though his tone stayed much the same his face gave a bit away.  Emma had a suspicion whatever was wrong with Felix wasn’t so simple.  But it wasn’t really her business in the first place.  It had been foolish to even ask, so she didn’t continue her prying.  

Ivy shook her head, “Awful lot of magisters running around suddenly.  Not totally sure how I feel about that.”  She glanced at him, “No offense.  I’m sure you're all roses and chocolates.”

Dorian took a deep breath, “Alright. let’s say this once.  I’m a mage from Tevinter, but not a member of the Magisterium.  I know southerners use the term interchangeably, but that only makes you sound like barbarians.”

“Fair.”  Ivy gave her own shrug now, “That still doesn’t answer why you’re here though.  Why help us?  Especially given the whole mentor thing.”

“Alexius  _ was _ my mentor.  Meaning, he’s not any longer, not for some time.”  He took a half step forward his hand coming out palm up towards Ivy in a small gesture, “Look you must know there’s danger.  That should be obvious even without the note.”  His hand was back at his side, “Let’s start with Alexius claiming the allegiance of the mage rebels out from under you.  As if by magic, yes?”  He paused only half a beat, “Which is exactly right.  To reach Redcliffe before the Inquisition, Alexius distorted time itself.”

For the first time Ivy’s voice didn’t hold its usual uncaring confidence, “Wait, so you’re saying he arranged it so he would arrive here just after the Divine died?  Time magic?  That’s a thing?”

“You catch on quick.”

Solas spoke then and Emma turned to look at him.  He had a glint to his eyes and a smile on his lips.  His look of fascination made her heart swell with adoration.  So rarely did he show such an open side to himself around even her, much less the others.  His instant reactions to the chance at gaining new knowledge was something she’d never tire of.

“That is fascinating, if true…”  Then, as though he realized that he had forgotten all sense of caution, his smile turned serious.  The usual mask sliding easily back over his features, “and almost certainly dangerous.”

Dorian’s gaze turned to Solas, “The rift you closed here?  You saw how it twisted time around itself, sped some things up and slowed others down.”  His eyes went back to Ivy, “Soon there will be more like it and they’ll appear further and further away from Redcliffe.  The magic Alexius is using is wildly unstable,”  His brows furrowed expression nearing anger, “and it’s unraveling the world.”

“This is…” Ivy shook her head then faced him down again, “I’d like a bit more than, ‘Magical time control! Go with it.’”

Dorian brows stayed furrowed, agitation clear in his expression, “I know what I’m talking about.  I helped develop this magic.  When I was still his apprentice it was pure theory.  Alexius could never get it to work.”

Dorian took a breath, clearing the agitation from his face as he brought a hand up to his chin, “What I don’t get is why he’s doing it?”  His hand moved forward in a sweeping gesture as though clearing out ideas, “Ripping time to shreds just to gain a few hundred lackies?”

“He didn’t do it for them.”  Felix walked up to stand next to Dorian.  

Immediately Dorian’s face brightened, “Took you long enough.  Is he getting suspicious?”

“No, but I shouldn’t have played the illness card,”  Felix gave a long suffering sigh, “I thought he’d be fussing over me all day.”  He then turned his attention to Ivy and the issue at hand, “My father’s joined a cult.  Tevinter supremacists.  They call themselves ‘Venatori.’ And I can tell you one thing: whatever he’s done for them, he’s done it to get to you.”

“I know I’m amazing but really,”  Ivy once more shook her head but this time with an exaggerated sigh, “Surely you vents have heard of just sending out dinner invites or something.  Time magic seems a bit extreme.  I would have come if food was offered.”

Felix frowned, “You can joke but he is obsessed with you.  I don’t know why.  Perhaps because you survived the Temple of Sacred Ashes?”

Dorian spoke next,  “You can close the rifts.  Maybe there’s a connection?  Or they see you as a threat?”

Another sigh from Felix, “If the Venatori are behind those rifts, or the Breach in the sky, they’re even worse than I thought.”

“So, you’re all serious?  All this trouble for me?  I didn’t get Alexius anything, poor manners on my part.”

Dorian’s smile was back, “Send him a fruit basket.  Everyone loves those.”  Then his face was serious again, “You know you’re his target.  Expecting the trap is the first step in turning it to your advantage.  I am staying outside of Redcliffe.  Alexius doesn’t know I’m here and I want to keep it that way for now.  But whenever you’re ready to deal with him, I want to be there.”

Ivy rubbed the back of her neck, “He  _ has _ extended us an invitation to the castle in two days time.”

Dorian’s brows rose, “And?”

“I’m still not sure.  There are…”  Ivy glanced at Cassandra.

Cassandra took the cue, “We have things to discuss.”

Ivy added, “Is there a way we can contact you?  We’ll likely be staying near Redcliffe farms.”

“I would rather keep my location as private as possible at the moment, you understand.  I will find you tomorrow night or early the next morning.”

Ivy nodded, “That’s fine.”

Felix shifted, “I should be going.  Father will no doubt be looking for me by now.”  He started to go but paused, “Be careful.”

Dorian nodded, “And you, Felix, do try not to get yourself killed.”

Felix gave a small smile and shook his head as he turned to leave, “There are worse things than dying, Dorian.”

Dorian watched him until the door to the Chantry had shut behind him.  Then Dorian’s eyes went back to their group, a smile on his face once more as he gave another small bow, “I would say I look forward to meeting you again soon but…”  He shrugged then headed out a back door of the Chantry with one last wave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we do have a bit more canon story divergence. It may work in a game but I didn't think it made any story sense in this case to have them go all the way back to Haven, a 5 day trip, to chat with the advisors before turning right back around and going back to the Hinterlands. I mean in game you have all the side quests and stuff you do in between and it doesn't matter cuz... game but from a story telling aspect, this just made more sense to me.
> 
> Anyhoots. Hope you enjoyed! As always thanks for reading and for all the love you shower me with, warms my Solas shredded heart. <3


	56. Cats Don't Always Land On Their Feet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, I'm going to be traveling back to my home town for a two week visit with family. Since I'll be finishing cleaning house, packing, and then the rest of the day in the airport, I won't be able to update tomorrow. So have it a day early this week ;)

Emma set on a log near the cliff edge, her eyes occasionally looking up from the pages she read to check the area where they’d agreed to meet up again.  The gentle breeze making her curls tickle her face as little specks of shadow from the leaves above her swayed over the pages of the book.  This spot had been a good find.  It was tucked away from the hustle and gave a beautiful view over the cliff edge of the water below.

A perfect place to go over the small book of poems she’d gotten from the Dwarven bookseller.  Her eyes had immediately gone to it at the man’s stall and thought of Solas.  When she opened to a page that had a poem by someone named Paragon Suess about nugs she had to get it for him.  She just hoped he hadn’t read it already.

At the very least he won’t have read the small poem she’d written and tucked inside.  Her fingers flipped through the pages till she found the little slip of parchment.  Her fingertips tracing the words she’d written.  She had second thoughts.  This was probably foolish, cheesy at best; she should just take the stupid thing out.

A shadow fell over the book blocking out the small specks of light, “I see you found yourself a book.”

At the sound of his voice, she immediately snapped it closed.  She tilted her head bringing a hand up to shield her eyes as she looked up at him, “Yes well… I---”  She stood feeling the familiar heat in her cheeks as she held the book out to him, “Actually, I got it for you.”

“You..” His eyes widened, and then his smile grew as he took the book from her, “There is no need for such things, vhen’an’ara, but I thank you.”  His eyes went to the title, “A book of Dwarven poetry.  Fascinating.”

As he started to open it, her hand shot out stopping his, “No wait.  Don’t read it.”

He looked from her hand on top of his to her eyes, his mouth still quirked into a smile and eyes bright with amusement, “I was under the impression that reading it was the point.”

“It is but... just don’t read it now.  Wait for a while.”  She sighed and started to pull her hand from his.

Before she could remove her hand completely, he had brought his other hand up to take it.  He caressed the back of her hand with his thumb as he spoke, “If that is your wish.”  His eyes glanced to where they were going to meet the others before he quickly pulled her hand up brushing the back of it to his lips before he released her.  “Shall we?”

As they walked over to the arch they were to meet everyone at, Emma spoke, “So what did you get up to in your little pocket of free time?”

“There were ruins we had passed nearby; I wished to get a closer look.  They are in remarkably good shape.  I am curious what stories they hold; if time permits, I would like to enter the Fade there eventually.”  They came to the arch, and he turned to look down at her, “If you would, I would enjoy your company.”

Her stomach fluttered, and she beamed at him, “I’d love that.”

His expression softened, and he leaned closer to her, “Emma, I--”

“Ah good you’re both here.”  

As soon as Ivy’s voice reached them Solas straightened and turned towards her, Sera, and Cassandra.  Emma’s brows furrowed as she looked at the other two.  Sera looked like she’d just bitten into a rotten fruit and Cassandra’s brows were creased in thought.

When they were close enough Emma asked, “Something happen?”

Cassandra took a deep breath and rubbed the back of her neck, “We came across a cabin filled with the skulls of Tranquil.  It appears they are being used as ocularum.  I believe it is now more important than ever that we discover what that shard is the Herald found previously.”

Solas frowned, “I had wondered what had become of them after the mage rebellion.  What a tragic waste.”

Her body had gone cold, “Wait… what?  They’re using human skulls for these ocularum things?  What is an ocularum?  And how does something like that happen?  I mean how do they get away with--”

Solas placed a hand on her arm to help ground her, “What we know of the ocularum is they are devices used to find shards.  We have yet to discover what exactly these shards are, but I have my suspicions and am looking into it further.  As for how they get away with it,” He gave a soft sigh shaking his head, “It is a time of war.  The tranquil are easy victims; it is not surprising they would be targeted for such.”

“That’s so…”

“Fucked up?” Ivy offered.

“Yeah…”

Cassandra’s face had smoothed, and Ivy was looking pointedly at Emma’s arm with a raised brow.  That’s when she realized that Solas not only still had his hand on her arm but was stroking her softly once more with his thumb.  He must have realized it at almost the same moment because his hand left her.  

He kept his usual calm mask and demeanor before he spoke again, “I imagine you are eager to be on the way, Herald.”

Sera gave a loud huff, “You’re both so deep in it.  Just stop being stupid about it.”  At the look from Ivy and Cassandra, she shrugged, “What?  We all know it, yeah.”

Emma flushed and started to open her mouth, but Solas spoke first, “Do not concern yourself.  She is… apart from herself.”

“Your face is apart from… itself…” Sera humphed.  

“I was unaware that was a possibility.  If that is indeed the case, perhaps I should see a healer.”

“Or just come out with it and have her wa---”

Cassandra gave a disgusted, “Sera.  That’s enough.”

“It’s not me.  It’s him.” She gestured to Emma and Solas, “Them.”

Emma could practically feel her face on fire.  Meanwhile, Solas remained completely passive as he said, “Only one of us is looking sad and foolish, Sera.”

“Oh, go twang your ears.  Arse.”

“And on that note,”  Ivy turned to head back out of Redcliffe.  “Let’s go see Dennet and get us some horses.”

As was their habit they broke into clusters for the trip to the farm.  Solas stayed with Cassandra mostly in silence but occasionally exchanging a few words.  Ivy and Sera were having loud discussions about random things including a competition on who had the worst joke which was getting lewder by the minute. 

Emma stayed alone this time taking up the back.  Her eyes took in the landscape around them searching for any herbs she could collect.  When she found any, she’d veer off to grab them before jogging to catch up with the others.  

Even though she had jogged regularly in her world, she imagined she would feel all this in the coming days.  It had been a while since she’d been backpacking and her legs weren’t used to the constant walking at the moment.  Much less all the new muscle uses that came with her magic and the fighting they’d done.

A shame she probably wouldn’t be keeping these muscles when she went home.  She imagined by the end of all this she’d be very nicely toned.  Especially if what she had seen of Solas’ body was any indicator.  He must be glorious completely naked.  A sight she intended to partake in before she left.  If he would let her at some point.

All they had done was good.  Alright very good, amazing really.  Just... if only doing that was that incredible she could imagine what it would be like to be with him completely.  To be full of him in more ways than one and…

And she had gotten completely sidetracked.  This was seriously becoming an issue.  She’d never been this bad about stuff like this before.  It was delicious and annoying all at once.

She sighed and looked back where she had come from.  In the midst of wandering thoughts she had meandered further off the trail then she should have as she followed one herb after another.  Now she’d have to haul ass to catch up with the others.  

Before she took off in their direction, her eyes caught something growing on a small overhang of a nearby cliff face.  The stalk was a thicker one thinning out at the top.  The leaves were what gave it away to her; deep green tipped in a color that was close to purple.  Royal elfroot.

She hesitated.  The ledge wasn’t that high, maybe 10 or so feet.  It looked like there would be a good amount of places for her to find foot and hand holds also.  Still, it would take her a few minutes.  She wasn’t one hundred percent sure where the farm was either…

With a shake of her head, she turned from the royal elfroot, took two steps in the opposite direction, and then sighed turning right back around.  Only a moment.  It’d be fine. She’d just have to run to catch up instead of jog.

Going over to the cliff face she eyed the various crevices and paths she could choose from.  When she’d decided her best course, she reached up.  Adrenaline pumped through her body part excitement at the find and part the chance to climb some.

She reached up gripping her first hold.  The rock was jagged under her fingers, which was bad in that it could be somewhat painful, but she would take that in exchange for a firmer grip.  Her foot lifted to find the next hold.  Her boot going into the crevice but promptly slipping when she started to put her weight on it.  

Irritation and impatience surged through her, and she quickly stepped back from her climbing long enough to make herself barefoot for a better grip.  When she did the benefits were instant and in no time she was making her way at a steady rate.

As she neared the overhang, she was more focused on how close she was to the herb then her footing.  When she went to pull herself up, she gripped the wrong spot and her hand slipped making her start to fall an inch or so.  Just as she caught herself from that, she heard a whistle of wind near her ear.

Immediately after there was a sharp pain cutting through her upper arm muscle as an arrow grazed through her flesh and hit the rocks next to her with a clack before falling to the ground.  It was enough of a shock between the arrow and the pain itself that she lost her footing completely.

Before she knew it, she was following the arrow to the ground.  She tried to think fast and throw up a barrier as her heart raced.  Everything seemed in slow motion suddenly but still she wasn’t fast enough.  She managed to get one thrown up, but it was too last minute.  The impact still hit hard.  The result was her landing on the arm that hadn’t been hit with an arrow.  

There was a loud crack.  Instantly pain shot through her.  It wrenched her insides.  She heard a scream, and it took her a moment through the haze to realize it was her own.  Spots danced in her vision.  She shut her eyes and clamped her jaw shut, staying completely still as the pain washed over her in nauseating waves.

Her body was moved somehow and she cried out again at the injury being tousled.  Then something warm combating the pain.  She could feel it weaving through her.  Even feel her bone try to mend itself.  

Then as the comforting warmth chased away the pain, she started to register the world around her again.  A familiar smell filling her nostrils as she was cradled against a body she’d come to know well.  Her eyes fluttered open to find herself held in his lap.  Her forehead cradled against his shoulder as he held her to him.

Her voice came out barely audible, stating something that was clearly obvious but seemed reasonable to point out in her current state, “I fell.”

Then his voice soothing over her as his magic did.  Hushing her and saying, “I know, ma vhenan. Just bare it a moment longer.”

She was barely able to register the words, but they comforted her all the same.  In no time the pain had completely left her.  She looked up to find Solas looking down at her face, concern turning to anger.  He wouldn’t release her when she attempted to wiggle free from him.

“What were you thinking?”

“There was a royal elfroot.”  She pointed to the herb, “It’s so rare I just thought---”

“You did not think.  If you had, you would not have---”

She frowned, “For your information, I was doing fine.  I would have done fine if not for the arrow.  It isn’t like---”

His voice was almost predatory when he spoke next, “Arrow?”

She had to swallow down a primal fear despite knowing that his anger was no longer aimed at her, “Yes it… that’s what the cut was on my arm.  I--”

She was off his lap, and he was standing before she could take another breath.  His eyes scanned the area, and she felt his magic sparking to life.  He was searching for whatever idiot had shot her.  In another circumstance, his protectiveness might have warmed her.  Now, she was afraid he would hurt some random person who’d simply made a mistake.

“Solas, I’m sure it was an accident.”  She shook her head, “I mean not like I’m a target for anyone.  I’m not the Herald.  Probably some hunter loosed it wrong or, I dunno, something.”

He must not have been able to sense anyone because he pulled his magic back now turning his eyes to the ground in search of the offending arrow.  “Not being the Herald does not make you immune to attack.”

She stood and dusted off the back of her pants, “I’m not even from this world, not like I can have my own enemies here, and whoever brought me here wants me whole, undamaged.  What reason would anyone have for targeting me?”

His lips thinned but he didn’t answer.  After a moment he found the arrow.  He picked it up and examined it closely, even using his magic to check it.

“I’m sure it’s nothing, really.  I’m fine, thanks to you healing me.  And…”  She sighed, “I’ll admit I probably should have come back with you or Ivy or something but I mean… royal elfroot.”  Her eyes went longingly to the beautiful plant so close yet so far.

“I can not detect anything unique with the arrow.”  He looked at her then at the elfroot and sighed.  Then he tossed the arrow down and started to take off his outer layer of armor.

She blinked, “What are you doing?”

“Getting you your herb.  My armor is not ideal for the task.”

Her heart swelled, chest constricting from the feelings he brought to her.  Even know he was going to get that stupid herb.  Just because she wanted the thing.  She really should stop him.  Not like she couldn’t come back later to do it herself.

“You don’t have to…” He had taken off his armor and started up the cliff.  The movements showing off his thigh and arm muscles beautifully even through his clothing.  She swallowed and continued, “do that.”

She heard him chuckle and knew he had noted the pause, “I would not wish to deprive you of your desires for the herb,” then he added voice teasing, “or the view.”

She watched him closely and without shame, “Yes well if I recall you were enjoying the view just the other day, so it’s only fair.”

“I have enjoyed that view many other times, and intend to continue doing so, for as long as I am able.”  He was at the ledge now, and his hand reached over to pluck out the herb as he said, “I will drop it to you.”

She smirked, “I’m assuming you are talking about the herb now.  The view might be a bit much for me to try to catch.  Although... I would take almost any excuse to get my hands on it.”

“Behave, my Emma.”  

She moved towards the cliff and caught the herb as he dropped it, tucking it in her bag, then she picked up her discarded boots slipping them back on as she said,  “I believe you started this one, dearheart.  My only intent was to finish it.  In more ways than one ideally.”

He had started making his way back down speaking as he went, “You do realize I am still displeased.  You can not seduce me to forgetfulness, ma haurasha.”

She finished putting on her second boot and straightened, “That’s a new term.”  When he didn’t answer, and instead chuckled, she knew she’d have to find the meaning elsewhere.  She redirected, “Is that a challenge then?”

He jumped down when he was close enough to the ground and went to put his armor on once more,  “Is this declaration of challenges a habit of yours?”

She hummed in the back of her throat, “Never had the tendency much before, now that I think of it.  Mon loup must bring it out in me.”  

He put on the last part of his armor and turned to her his face serious once more, “It is dangerous here, Emma.  You can not do things like this, even ignoring the climbing, how did you intend to find your way to the farms?”

“I planned on running to catch up with you all.”  At his look, she amended, “Running really fast?”

“Emma.”

She took a deep breath, “Look; I already said I knew it was stupid.  I’m sorry.”  She looked to the side, “It doesn’t escape me how lucky I am that you noticed I wasn’t there anymore.  If you--”

His fingers were on her chin turning her face so that he could look in her eyes before he let his brow rest against hers, “I will always notice.  I-- You are--” He took a breath, “When I heard your scream--”

She thought about how she would feel had their roles been switched and guilt immediately twisted her stomach.  True she couldn’t have known that a random arrow would happen but still…

She tilted her head up kissing the bare skin at his neck and up to his jaw.  Her hands came up to cradle his face, and she pulled back so she could look at him, “I’m ok dearheart.  I’m truly sorry; I never meant to--”

His mouth took hers, and the kiss was crushing.  Even so, she welcomed it.  Knew that he needed to feel her.  Her hands stayed on his face holding him to her as his arms wrapped around her waist pulling her up and against him.

After a moment he pulled away, once more letting his brow rest against hers, as they both caught their breaths.  One of his hands came up to brush a curl from her face before sliding down to the curve of her neck and shoulder, stopping on the area of her arm that had been cut.

He pulled back so he could look at the area and the damage done to the fabric, “This will need mending.”

She turned her head to try and see it, “Pity it didn’t hit a bit higher or it would have grazed off the shoulder armor.  Then again, if I hadn’t slipped some, it would have hit me in the back.  So, I guess good luck anyways.”

She could feel him stiffen, “You did not mention that.”

“It didn’t seem relevant.”

His eyes turned to hers now, “You truly believe it an accident?”

“Yes, well... that or a random homicidal maniac.  Not a target hit.  Like I said what possible reason would someone be after me for?”  Her brows furrowed and she took a step back.  It was hard to think sometimes with him so close, “Why are you so convinced otherwise?”

He put yet more space between them, “I have my reasons.  Let us hope I am wrong.”

“Being grim and fatalistic are we.  Are you hoping the broody act will get you into my bed?”

The start of his emotionless mask had slid back into place but was now shed in favor of a warm smile, “I am always grim and fatalistic.  Getting into your bed is an enjoyable side benefit.”

“One you should really consider taking advantage of.  Soon.”

He chuckled, “Difficult to get into your bed now, given that it is all the way in Haven.”

“Bedroll then.  There is bed in the name after all.”

He shook his head before starting forward, his hand taking hers as he passed, “Come.  I imagine the others are near the farms by now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes you will find out what the poem is, just not till later :P
> 
> Hope you enjoyed <3


	57. *Solas - Highs and Lows

Solas stood near the small pond that was next to their camp, the fading light of the day reflecting warm hues on the water’s surface.  Despite his outward calm there was much going through his mind at that moment.  

One of the most important was the oddities they had experienced at Redcliffe.  The warping of the veil was unsettling.  If the Tevinter mage’s claims of time magic were true, that was something unprecedented.  If he had thought it possible, if he could utilize it, perhaps much of what he feared could be avoided.  He doubted that Magister Alexius would discuss the method of it with him however; nor did he have the luxury of time and privacy that studying such a thing would require.

Unless something new came to light he had little choice but stay his current course.  If the orb was recovered, he may still keep the chaos minimal.  Despite the fact that this world was a shell of what it should be, he had grown fond of his companions.  From the beginning, he had not wanted to bring undue pain if it could be avoided; now with the blooming comradery he had started to feel, even as he tried not to, it would be that much more difficult.   

If he had not been fool enough to underestimate Corypheus in the first place he would not be in this situation.  If he had not done that, he would never have known any of them.  If he had not done that, he would have continued his path without any hesitation, only surety that what he did was right.  Now, the smallest bit of doubt had taken residence in the back of his mind.  It was unacceptable.  For the People he could not afford such things.  

Indeed, things would be much easier if he had met none of them.

A laugh sounded behind, bubbly and like music to his ears.  He turned his head so he could see her.  She was talking to one of the recruits at the potions table.  She glowed.  There was no other way for him to describe it.  She had an inner light that showed brighter than the sun to him.  

Out of them all he should wish that he had not met Emma most of all.  This creature that had captured him without effort.  The irony of it.  Millenias spent with a plethora of women and not a single one his life mate.  Not a single one that ever made his magic sing.  Made him ache, made him terrified, by the speed and intensity that his feelings developed.  That he should meet her now…

It was a joke.  A very bad one that he wished he was not a part of but, he could not wish that he had not known her.  The very idea of it turned his stomach.

She must have felt his eyes on her because she turned to look at him.  He knew he had carefully made his face expressionless as he worked through his thoughts; he also knew she disliked it when he did so, a fact made evident when she crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out of the corner of her mouth distorting her facial features for a moment in an attempt to make him smile.

Though his mouth twitched a hint, he forced his expression to stay blank, only raising an eyebrow in response.  She twisted her lips to one side and he knew she humphed even though he could not hear it.  Then the recruit said something and she turned her attention back to her current conversation.

His eyes went down to the small rip in her clothing from the arrow.  

There was another thing.  The breadth of emotions he had felt were unexpected.  He had assumed that finding her at the Breach had been the worst of it, but today he had been proven wrong.  

When he had heard her scream his blood had turned to ice.  When he saw her there on the ground, unmoving, it had hurt.  Mentally.  Physically.  In ways he had not known such a thing could.  Then when he discovered that someone had hit her with an arrow, his rage had been blindingly hot, chasing the chill from his bones.

If his magic had found anyone nearby he would have slaughtered them without thought.  The fact that whoever had done it had left so quickly could indicate an accident, but he feared it indicated they knew when he came.  That this was no accident.  That it had something to do with her connection to him.

Perhaps he should stop.  Stop this thing that should have not started to begin with but he could not.  He needed her.  Just a while longer.  Just till he could get her home.  He would up her defenses and offense training, teach her to be more aware of what was around her.  She was powerful, capable, she just lacked the experience.

He would also have his people look into that Feren man after all.  

In the meantime, he wished to mend her armor so he no longer had a visual reminder of what could have happened.  He walked over to her when the recruit walked away.  She had turned to the potions table to take a tally of the herbs she had gathered, likely deciding what to take and what to leave.

As he came to her side she tucked a curl behind her ear.  Some elfroot must have gotten on her finger because it left a small smudge on her cheek.  Without thought he reached up and brushed it away with his knuckle before pulling his hand back.  

She did not startle but turned her head to him smiling, “Hello, broody.  What had you so consumed over there?”

He shook his head, “I was just thinking of all that must be done; speaking of, I would like to mend your armor.  We are in camp so it will be safe to remove the top layers.  If you give it to me I can have it back to you before we sleep.”

She raised a brow, “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you can do that.”

“You can not?”

“I’ve never needed to.”  She glanced around to see if anyone was in earshot before saying, “It wasn’t really a skill required anymore in my world.  Unless you wanted to make your own curtains.  I could stitch a wound if needed.  I guess it would be the same principle.”

More information on her world, vague information, but still.  He desired to know more.  As much as he could before she went back.  It would be more of her to hold close in the darkness to come.

“I would teach you, if you wished.  I do not have the supplies for two people but perhaps,” His eyes went to the Dennet’s home a little from camp, “Dennet would be able to lend something.”

“That’d be great.” She beamed at him before turning her eyes back to the herbs, “Just let me finish up here real quick.”  

He waited for her to finish, content to simply watch her work.  He wondered if she knew that she silently mouthed the numbers when she did her tallies.  It was endearing to him, to know these little things about her, intimate little treasures he could hold close and use to bring her memory form in the time to come.

After a few minutes more she turned to him with a smile, “Thanks for waiting.  Ready when you are, mon loup.”

He wanted desperately to take her hand in his, to twine their fingers together in that perfect fit, everything about her fit perfectly to him.  Even those simple small things.  

They were still where people could see, however, so instead he kept his hand to himself and settled for walking near enough that his arm brushed her shoulder.

When they got to Dennet’s home the horsemaster had happily given them the needed supplies.  His daughter relinquishing the bench in front of the stables for them saying she was going to the Redcliffe to take care of some business for the night.  A fact, Solas had to admit, he was happy for.  It was pleasant to be alone with her once more, even if much of what came from her was in the form of muttered curses.

She released another one, and Solas turned to her.  The sun had started to go down, the golden hues catching on her hair, making it look as though the locks contained fire itself.  Another reason he did not mind being here alone with her, though he was not jealous by nature, her undershirt rested along the soft curves of her breasts leaving little to the imagination.  Not a sight he would relish every recruit seeing.

Another curse.  She grimaced and pulled her finger from the stitching.  There was a small bloom of red starting to form and he watched as she brought the finger to her mouth, her brows furrowed in annoyance.  He forced his mind away from the lewd thoughts her finger in those soft lips gave him and set down the now finished layer he had been working on.

His hands reached out prying her hand from her lips, “Let me.”  He released a small amount of healing magic then kissed the tip of her finger before releasing her hand back to her, “I am unsure if your needle went through the fabric more or your skin.”

She groaned, “I’m pretty sure it’s a tie at the very least.”

He looked at the outermost layer that she had been working on.  It would only take him a moment to finish so he reached his hand out, “May I?”

“Please do.”  She handed it over to him with a sigh, “I think my fingers have had enough abuse today.”

He went to work feeling her lean against him.  They were enough away from the others no one would see it and he welcomed the connection with her.  

His fingers moved with an easy efficiency as he spoke, “Will you tell me of your home?”

There was the slightest stiffening from her before she released a soft breath of air, “It’s so different from here.  I think it was more similar long ago but now…”  She paused thinking, “Some things are hard to explain.”

As much as he hated to he said, “If it makes you uncomfortable you do not--”

 

“No, it isn’t that necessarily.  It’s…”  She gave a thoughtful hum before she continued, “Let me start with the basics I guess.  Where I am is very green.  I love living there.  We are near an ocean and lots of hiking.  I don’t have a car either.  I can walk or bike pretty much anywhere.”

There were only a few more stitches to go, “What is a car?”

She laughed, “Oh see, this is why it’s complicated.  I don’t quite know how to explain but… hmmm a car is like a carriage but it doesn’t need horses.  It’s run by an engine and stuff called gasoline, sometimes part electric too.  Where I am people use them to get around.  They are fast.  In a car I’d imagine the trip here would have taken us, I dunno… a half day at most.”

The stitching was finished and he looked at her brows furrowed, “That is most efficient.  These cars, they are common?”

“Yes.  Most people have them but I find them annoying.  Most of them pollute.  In addition you have to pay to put gas in them regularly.  Pay when you buy them and continue to pay them down.  I’d tell you my estimate of costs but money is different where I’m from.”

He tried to picture a carriage without a horse but found himself unable to give anything real form.  He knew she drew so asked, “Would you draw one for me?”

She laughed, “I could try.  I’ve never drawn one before and I only dabble in art.  It’d probably be a very poor rendering of one.”

Another thought came to him.  One that he was somewhat embarrassed to ask, but could not help but do so, “Would you sit for me?”

She looked at him head tilting, “Sit for you?”

“I would like to draw you.”

She blushed, her eyes looking down, long lashes soft against her cheek, “Like one of your French girls, is it?”

He raised a brow, “I am unsure what that---”

She looked at him once more, “It’s from a movie called the Titanic.  An artist falls in love with a wealthy woman from first class.  She asks him to draw her like one of his French girls, wearing nothing but a necklace called the heart of the ocean.”

Solas felt his ears turn pink, “I did not mean to imply---”

Her mouth quirked to one side, as it always did when she teased him, “Do you not wish to see me naked?  To capture my form before I leave?  I trust you would be most professional.”

The thought of her naked, posing for him, of being able to draw her like that for him and him alone.  That she wanted this knowing how he would use it to warm himself in the future, it sent a throb of desire to his groin.  Instant and intense.  Did she know what an effect she had over him?  Even something so simple.

In truth he doubted he would be able to remain professional.  He imagined such a drawing might take some time, given that he would be prone to stopping and partaking in her.  It was already clear his restraint where she was concerned was nearly non-existent.

Before he could answer, she was standing as she asked, “Where did Ivy and them get off to?”

A rather abrupt change in conversation, it took him a moment to regather his thoughts, “The Herald and Seeker went to spar, I believe Sera went along as well.”

“Perfect,” She smiled down at him and held out her hand, “Come here.”  

He stood, taking her hand, and following without question.  Even as she led him into one of the empty stalls.  Though he had suspected she was up to something.  He had thought she intended to kiss him where they would go unseen.

He had been partially correct.  She did kiss him.  Hard and deep, her hand against the back of his neck as she kept him against her.  Then her other hand trailed a path down his body.  Before he could fully realize what she was doing, she had moved his tunic aside and was gripping his length through his pants.

She pulled her mouth from his.  Her lips trailing a line along his jaw to his ear.  When there she nipped him, eliciting a shiver, before she whispered to him, “I’m happy to see I was right.  The thought of me posing for you had the desired results.  After all, I have not yet returned the favor you granted me earlier.”

He gave a guttural moan but forced their lips apart whispering, “Emma I---”

Now she dragged her nails along his length and words were lost to him.

“You what, Solas?”  Her voice was lower, a teasing whisper against his skin.  Words would not escape his lips, though he tried.  Instead, she spoke again as she gripped him, moving her hand slowly up, “No one will see.  Do you still want me to stop?”

He should.  Her hand slid into the top of his pants and her fingers brushed his tip.  The word came out pleading gasp, “No.”  

His hips thrusted towards her, his body emphasising his desire that they continue.  He shut his eyes as she touched him and kissed his jaw.  Then her hand had left his pants.  When he opened his eyes, she was kneeling before him tugging the leggings down.

“Emma.  You do not have to---”

He felt her breath against him.  Felt himself twitch in response as she spoke in a tone that was close to awe, “You are so glorious.”

Then her mouth was on him.  Her lips just barely over the top of him as her tongue came out to lick his tip.  His knees felt weak and he bent forward grabbing onto the side of the stall for support as he let out a low groan.  

Her hand came up, fingers wrapping around his base to slid along him in a light caress, she removed her mouth and looked up to him with a smile, “You know those sounds you make, they are the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.”

Before he could form a reply, her mouth slid over him again.  Her tongue twirling around his tip to explore him in slow circles.  His grip tightened and his hips bucked against her.  That’s when she started to move both hand and mouth.  Her mouth sucking as her tongue tasted and massaged, hand following lips as it alternated between loose caresses and tight grips.

He was strung so tightly he felt he might completely lose his mind.  Then she let her mouth leave him with a quiet pop.  Her hand still moving along him as she brought her tongue to lick him from base to tip.

A voice from outside, “Solas, what are you doing in there?”

He froze but Emma pressed her lips to his tip now, kissing him as she continued to caress.  He swore he felt her lips vibrate in mirth against him.  He knew his face was flush, but he tried to mask his features as best he could.  He gripped the stall tighter and looked up to see the Herald.  She was watching him one brow raised.

“Nothing. I--”  Emma’s mouth slid over him once more.  He cleared his throat, “Enjoying the quiet.”

“In the stables?”

Emma’s other hand came up now to play with his balls.  Massaging them as she increased her pace.  He could feel her trying to take him in deeper.  Feel where he hit the back of her throat.

His nails dug into the wood, “Yes.”

In truth, the statement was aimed more towards the woman that had him in her mouth than the one standing outside of the stables staring at him.  

_ What is wrong with you?  How can you--- ohhh yes there. _

“Ok well… I guess if it works for you.”  

_ It certainly does.   _

“Have you seen Ella?”

_ Yes.  She is currently occupied.   _

The woman in question now removed her mouth from him completely before pushing him through her wet lips once more.  She repeated.  Slow and teasing.

Miraculously he kept his voice flat, “No.”

He was close.  So close.  His knees shook.

The Herald started to go but paused, “Are you sure you’re ok?  You look a little… weird.  You’re not getting sick again are you?”

“I assure you.”  He had to bite back the moan that threatened to escape as he forced his tone to be as even as he could manage, “I have never been better.”

Emma’s tongue flicked against his tip picking up the pre-cum he knew was there.  He nearly lost it.  It took all his willpower to keep his knees from buckling completely.

“If you say so…”  She waved and turned from him, “Well if you see her let her know I’m looking for her.”

When the Herald was no longer in sight he released a breath of air that turned into a long moan of pleasure.  “Emma.  I am--” he panted, “I can not hold anymore. I--” The words were swallowed by another moan.

She didn’t remove her mouth from him.  Instead she increased her pace and tried to work him all the way in her mouth.  Though it seemed her gag reflex prevented her from completely taking him, she took over half of him.  The site of it, and the feel of her mouth around him, sent him over.

His nails bit even more into the wood of the stall, his hips bucking as he found release inside her mouth.  Through the haze of his desire he heard her moan of pleasure.  The sound sending vibrations along him.

She kept her mouth tight around him until he had stilled completely.  When he did, she slid off slowly before letting her tongue lick along him.  He shivered.

When she had finished she looked up to him, licked her lips and said, “You taste amazing, dearheart.”

He was down on his knees in less than a beat.  He pulled her against him mouth finding hers instantly as he held her to him.  She let out a small gasp at the suddenness of it and he took the opportunity to allow his tongue it’s exploration.  He felt her soften against him, giving herself to him as she released a soft mewl into his mouth.

He needed her.  Now.  

His hand went to find the top of her pants, but she gripped his wrist and pulled her lips from his.  The growl of displeasure that escaped him was entirely involuntary.  

She shook her head, “We don’t have time.  If Ivy can’t find me she’ll come back and I doubt you want her to find us like that.”

To be honest, he could not care less at this point.  Still, he respected her wishes and stood pulling up his pants.  Then he gave her his hand to help her up.  Unable to find the proper words he simply brought his hand up to brush along her cheek.

She smiled at him, “Am I wrong in thinking you’re unused to taking pleasure without giving?”

He paused, even when he had been at the height of his promiscuous youth he had rarely allowed a woman to simply pleasure him.  The few times he had it had felt overly intimate to him.  A relinquishing of control that he was not sure he enjoyed.  

With her the intimacy of it had been easy.  Not uncomfortable.  His trust in her allowing him to give control without even thinking of it.  Once more he had to acknowledge the irony in the timing.

“You are not wrong.”  He glanced out to make sure no one was near before he nuzzled against her neck, “I confess, I wish things could be different; I should like to think that there is another world somewhere, one where you and I could be together freely.”

She brought her hand up to the back of his head, stroking down to his neck, “So do I.”  Something in her voice made him pull back to look at her.  When he did she took a deep breath, “Dearheart, I need to--”

Both of them heard the approaching footsteps at the same time and parted.  A moment later the Herald appeared around the corner of the stalls.  She looked at Emma as she said, “There you are.”  Her eyes narrowed a touch, “You weren’t hiding in there or something the whole time were you?”

“Why in the world would I hide?”  Emma gave a forced laugh before she continued, “Solas was kind enough to mend my things.”  She gestured to the bench, “Armor got a rip.  Before that I was just enjoying the peace of sunset.”

“Right.”  She shook her head, “Well, meal is ready back at camp but first I’d like to talk to you a moment.  Walk with me?”

“Sure.”  Emma took Solas’ hand where the Herald could not see and gave him a gentle squeeze before she headed out of the stall, “Let me just put my stuff back on.”

As Emma put on her full clothing once more the Herald looked between the two.  Her brows furrowed as she examined Solas before they widened and a broad grin passed over her features.  

She knew.  

It was not as though it was difficult to put the pieces together and, despite her outward nature, he knew the Herald was not dumb.  He would have been more concerned had he not trusted that the Herald’s close friendship to Emma would keep her from making anything of it.  

That is, other than the knowing look and wink she gave him, “I’d have never pegged you for the type, apostate.”

Emma finished securing the last of her armor and frowned looking between them, “Type for?”

Ivy smirked, eyes still locked on him, “He was making goofy faces.”

Solas simply sighed as Emma raised a brow looking between them.  She shook her head then turned her attention to Ivy, “Ready.”

Ivy put her arm around Emma.  The action triggered a thought in Solas.  Foolish and a sign of his distracted state it had not occurred to him sooner.

“Ella,” It felt odd calling her that now, wrong on his tongue, “a word before you go.”

Ivy humphed, “You were literally just with her.  Though I guess you weren’t doing much--”

He intercepted before she could continue, “It will only be a moment, I would not ask were it not important.”

“Alright,”  Ivy released Emma with a sigh, “But make it quick.  You can’t keep hogging her all to yourself like this.”

He gave the smallest bow of his head, “I apologize, Herald.”

She waved him off before turning to Emma, “I’ll wait over at the gate.”

“Ok.”  Emma watched the Herald walk away before she leaned on the outside of the horse stall, her eyes on him, “What’s so important?”

He placed his hands behind his back as he spoke, “I have little doubt that you understand the seriousness of the current issues with the free mages, the alliance, and the odd magic.”  She nodded and he continued, “I fear the Herald may not.”

Emma frowned, “I’m sure she does.”

“She has a brother amongst the Templars, from what I understand they are close.  I am concerned this may cloud her decisions.”

Emma straightened now brows furrowed, “What are you getting at?”

“You are close.”  He glanced at the gate where the Herald stood waiting before his eyes went back to Emma, “I would like you to talk to the Herald tonight; help her see that dealing with the mages, making an alliance with them, is the wisest course of action.”

She was quiet for a moment and when she spoke again her voice was lower than normal, “You want me to use our friendship as a tool to manipulate her?”

He sighed.  Usually she was so logical.  He had not thought she would take issue like this, “No.  I want you to use your friendship to guide her.  We need the mages on our side for what is to come.”

“Solas.” Her face softened a touch her voice going back to normal, “If you’re concerned the Templars would try to force you into a tower, or make you tranquil, you know I would never allow it, nor would Ivy.  Even if she chose them, she would never allow anyone to harm you.  She trusts you.  Values you.”  

Why was she not grasping this?  He took a deep breath, “While I appreciate that, it is not about me.  The Templars are corrupt.  Worse everyday.  Best case they are disbanded and we can hope those who we conscript remain loyal; worst case she does not disband them, and they spread their corruption within the Inquisition.  You must do this.”

Her lips pinched together and she tilted her chin up, “I will not.  If she seeks my opinion, I’ll give it to her, but I will  _ not _ try to force it on her.”

This was not the time for her stubbornness. He tried to keep his voice even, pushing down his growing frustration at her refusal to see, “Sometimes to achieve the world one desires, one must take regrettable measures.”

“Not in this case.”

“Emma---”

“I trust her.” Emma leaned forward once more her eyes pleading, “Don’t you see? She doesn’t have so many loyal to her solely because of her strength and fighting abilities.  It isn’t even because of that stupid mark on her hand.  More and more continue to follow her because she is capable of making the hard decisions others can’t.  Even if they’re not the ones she would want.  Even if it pains her to do so or hurts those she cares for.  If it must be done she’ll do it.”

Now his irritation could be held back no longer, his brows knitted together and he clenched his fists at his sides, “You would risk the fate of this world based on your trust alone?”

“In Ivy? Yes.”  Her eyes narrowed and she straightened her shoulders refusing to back down, “You know, I had a conversation exactly like this with Madame de Fer before we left.  Though she wished for Templar favor.”

He felt his blood boil and he gritted his teeth before saying in a forced calm, “My choices.  My actions.  They are for the greater good.  What Madame de Fer does is solely for Madame de Fer.”

She shook her head crossing her arms in front of her, “You know for a man who sees so much that others do not, you can be awfully blind.”

That did it.  Something in him snapped and the words were out before he could even register them completely, “I forget.  It is easy for you.  You will leave.  You will not have to deal with, or even think of, the consequences of the actions taken here.  Why should you care for the fates you leave behind?”

She physically recoiled from him as though he had reached out and slapped her across the face.  He saw the pain his words had inflicted vividly on her face and it stabbed at him.  Though he was still angry, still did not understand why she would not hear his words, hurting her was something he would never want and he had, without a doubt, hurt her.  Hurt her with words that he did not even truly believe.  

When she spoke her voice was a whisper, “Is that what you think?  That I won’t think of Ivy or  Sherlock or all the others I’ve met?  That a day will go by when I won’t think of---”

He could see the shine to her eyes, the tears that she fought to hold back.  She shook her head hard, stepping backwards.

“Emma, I---”

“No.  Just... don’t”  She spun then turning from him and starting towards Ivy.

His brows knitted and he spoke before she got too far to hear, “If you would only see reason.”

She stopped dead keeping her back to him as she growled out, “Why should I?  None of it matters to me either way.”

With that she broke into a sprint to get away from him.  He watched her, feeling the rolling anger in his stomach turning into a heavy rock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rollercoaster!
> 
> I did kinda give you a warning with the chapter title haha
> 
> Next update will be Tuesday. Hope you enjoyed this update, I couldn't resist going ahead and putting it up ;)


	58. The Company We Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look an update early.
> 
> Long story short it has been a llloooonnnngggg couple days and I am in for a long night tonight. Sharing these with you makes me happy and I've had this chapter finished for a couple days so it was just a matter of final edits.
> 
> Enjoy. There will still be a Tuesday update as well ;)
> 
>  **Warning:** This chapter does contain some more descriptive blood and violence.

_ “I forget.  It is easy for you.  You will leave.  You will not have to deal with, or even think of, the consequences of the actions taken here.  Why should you care for the fates you leave behind?” _

The words repeated in her head over and over again as she ran from him.  She felt something crack inside her, the pain not only emotional but physical.  Her throat worked as she tried to swallow down the tears that threatened to appear.  

Ivy heard her approach and turned, “Good. I was starting to---”  When Emma got close enough that Ivy could make out her face she stopped mid-sentence.  Almost instantly her lip curled, nostrils flaring as she glared at Solas now leaving the stable.  She growled out, “What did he do?”

Emma was standing next to Ivy now.  She shook her head, her muscles straining to try and still the shaking that threatened to overtake her, “It’s nothing.  Let’s go.”

“Nothing my ass.  Look at your face.”  Ivy flexed her fingers,  “I’ll fucking kill him.”  

Ivy started forward, but Emma reached out grabbing her arm, “Please, Ivy.  Just… just walk with me like we were going to.  Please.”

Ivy looked from Emma to Solas’ retreating form.  He had wisely decided to take another exit out of the farm and was now headed towards their camp.  For a moment, Emma was unsure if Ivy would listen to her.  Despite her anger and hurt, she didn’t want anything started.  What had happened was between her and Solas.  It shouldn’t be allowed to affect anything else.

Finally Ivy released a huff of air, her shoulders relaxing, “Alright, but my offer stands.”

She forced a smile and tried for a light tone, “To have the great Herald of Andraste as my champion, how could a girl get luckier than that?”

Ivy looked down at her bringing a hand up to pat her head, “I don’t know... you could not be in this shit storm to begin with.” She grinned and moved her arm to Emma’s shoulders as she started away from camp, “Come on, Sissy.  Let’s walk, and you, let it out.  No one will see.”

As they moved she felt the constriction of her lungs growing.  Though she fought it for a while longer eventually she gave in, the tears flowing hot down her cheeks.  When they’d walked up a mountain path to a ledge with a view of the valley, she crumbled.  She went to the ground wrapping her arms around her knees as her chest hitched with her sobs.  Ivy set on the ground next to her not saying a word as she rubbed circles on Emma’s back.

Stupid.  She was so stupid.  This was such an overreaction but… she loved him and he had said that.  Said that she wouldn’t care.  Despite the fact she hadn’t told him vocally about her feelings, it still felt like a cruel dismissal of them.  That he could feel that about her, think that she was that cold, that she cared so little… it hurt.  It hurt so fucking bad.

When her crying finally ceased she looked up through burning eyes to find that the light was almost completely gone.  She tried to sniff the snot back into her nose and Ivy handed her a small cloth.  

Emma looked at her, smiling as she took it, “Thank you.  For everything.”  She wiped her nose, blew and then looked down at the small dot that was their campfire.  “I’m sorry to do this.  You’ve got so much to de---”

“Stop.  You’d do the same for me.  You can keep that cloth now by the way.” 

Emma gave a choked laugh, “Thanks.”

“You’re sure you don’t want me to--”

“I’m sure.  I do appreciate the offer though.”  They set in silence for a moment watching as the red hues of the setting sun gave way to more stars.  After a while, Emma’s eyes no longer stung as bad, though her throat still felt raw and her head pounded.  She swallowed, “I didn’t mean to steal all the time.  You wanted to talk?”

“I just wanted to take my mind off everything for a bit.”  Ivy leaned back on her palms as she stretched her legs out in front of her, looking up to the sky, “Do you have any siblings?”

Her emotions already raw she lacked any energy to side step even if she’d wanted to, but it didn’t matter, she was tired of doing it with Ivy.  She trusted Ivy and wanted to open to her more.  

Still, when she spoke her voice was quiet, “I have an older sister, Tess.”

“Just two of you?”

“I--”  Even after all these years it was still hard, “We had a younger sister.  Her name was Meredith but we all called her Merri.  She was…”  She swallowed, “She passed away.”

“I’m sorry.”

She took a deep breath, “It was a long time ago.  What about you?”

“Two older brothers.  Charles, the oldest, with a stick so far up his ass I’m surprised he can walk.”  She laughed, “Then James.  The second oldest and the only one in my family worth a shit.”  Her voice turned bitter, “Though you wouldn’t know it by how they treat him.”

“He’s the templar?”

“Yeah.  He didn’t even want to join really.  Father made him.”  She set up bending one of her knees and resting an arm over it, “He responded to the letter I sent after Val Royeaux but, it wasn’t like him.  I sent another but haven’t gotten a reply yet.”  She took another deep breath, “I’m actually…”  Then a forced laugh, “I’ve got no idea what the fuck I’m doing and, to be honest, I’m terrified I’ll make the wrong decisions.  Everyone is looking to me like I should just know what to do.  How the fuck does someone  _ know  _ what to do with this shit?  I mean the fucking world is ending.  There are holes in the damn sky and demons are everywhere.  Not like I took a qualification.  I just got spit out of a rift and had the bad luck to get this stupid mark.”

She forced back thoughts of the conversation between her and Solas.  It wasn’t important right now, Ivy was.  

Emma shifted, crawling closer to Ivy and turning so she could look her in the eyes, “They don’t.  No one knows.”  She reached out placing a hand over Ivy’s wrist, “You didn’t ask for this.  I mean, who in their right mind would?  Despite that, I  _ do  _ know, without a doubt, that this world is lucky that  _ you  _ were the one that fate, or whatever you want to call it, dumped all this on.  You are incredible, smart, strong, and you can make hard decisions that others couldn’t.  Whatever you choose, mages or templars, I stand behind you one hundred percent.”

Ivy blew air out of the corner of her mouth, “You’re such a sap.”  Then she reached forward pulling Emma into a tight hug, “I love you, Sissy.”

Emma smiled and wrapped her arms around Ivy, “I love you too.”

After a moment Ivy released her, “Alright, enough of the emotional shit.”  She stood up brushing off her cloths, “I’m starved.  Let’s go get some grub.”

Emma stood too, although she didn’t exactly relish the thought of seeing Solas back at camp, “Sounds good.”

When they walked into camp, Solas was by the fire reading a book, his face a mask once more.  Cassandra was sitting simply enjoying the quiet and Sera was eating.  Probably working on her second helping.

Emma went to grab a bowl and ladle some stew in before she took the farthest possible spot from Solas at the fire.  This happened to place her near Sera, Ivy sitting between the two of them.  Cassandra frowned just a hint, her eyes looking between Solas and Emma once before returning to the fire.

Her three female companions exchanged small talk.  She tried to join in with a few words here and there, but her mind was too focused on Solas to do much else.  Now that she was near him, his words had once more started a loop through her head.  Only once did she slip up and glance at him.  She caught his eyes just as they left her.  He took a deep breath and shut his book standing.  Then without a word he turned and went into his tent.

Their tent.

Shit.

In less than a beat, Ivy’s arm was pulling Emma roughly against her side, “I’m kidnapping you for the night.  Girl sleepover, you all good with that?”

Cassandra spoke, “It will be snug but I don’t see any problem with it.”

Sera shrugged, “She shares your bedroll and it’s all good, yeah.”

Ivy smirked, “Or  _ you  _ could share my bedroll, Sera.”

“What? Ppphttt.”  Sera’s cheeks turned pink. “I don’t share bedrolls.  Sleeps important.  Stupid nature sleep is hard enough already.”

“Bet you’d share a bedroll under the right conditions.”

“Oh yeah?  Interested in those are you?”

Ivy laughed, “Could be.”

Emma looked between the two with a smile.  It was good Ivy had found someone she liked.  They’d make a cute couple too.  She’d always thought it great in books or movies when a distance fighter and a warrior got together.  The warrior rushing to the aid of the other if needed, getting furious if their lover got hit.  While the distance fighter was always covering the warriors back.  So cute.  She hoped Ivy could find time to allow herself that little happiness.

Her eyes glanced once more to the tent she’d shared with Solas.  She felt the tears threatening to make an appearance again and she took a deep shaky breath.

Ivy shook her a bit, “Come on back to us, Sissy.”

Emma turned her head, “Sorry what?”

“I just wanted to know if you were ready for bed.  We’ve got another long day tomorrow.”

Cassandra stood, “Agreed.  I believe we should all retire.”  She rubbed the back of her neck as she stretched it side to side, “I’ll just talk to our recruits here once more and go to sleep myself.”

Sera was already up at that point and halfway to the tent.  Emma nodded and stood with Ivy as they both went to follow Sera to bed.  They all removed their outer layers, Sera finishing first and crawling into her bedroll.  When Emma finished she helped Ivy and then they both got into Ivy’s bedroll, Ivy turning on her side and tossing an arm across her.

By the time Cassandra ducked into the tent Sera was already asleep; now and again mumbling random expletives under her breath, and the occasional reference to arrows.

As Cassandra let the tent flap close behind her with a soft flutter she looked at Sera and whispered, “So much for her claims of it being difficult to sleep.  That was no time at all.”

Ivy snickered and whispered, “Maybe she falls asleep even faster at Haven.”

Emma spoke next to Ivy, “That would be impressive.”

Cassandra gave a quiet snort as she worked to remove her armor, “It would.”

Ivy was the next one to fall asleep and Cassandra followed quickly behind.  Emma simply stared up at the top of the tent, watching as the the occasional breeze hit across the fabric.  It wasn’t Ivy practically squishing her that kept her up.  In fact, she found Ivy’s arm over her comforting.  It was the thought of entering the Fade.

It had been a long time since she’d wished she could just sleep like normal again.  Wished that she didn’t have to be awake in the Fade while her body slept.  There were times that the idea of blissful unconsciousness was a desired one.  This was one of those times.  Unfortunately, short of being massively drugged or knocked unconscious in the waking world, she had no clue how, or if, she could accomplish that.

She knew she needed sleep.  She also knew she could not deal with the Solas thing at the moment.  Maybe she  _ should _ but she couldn’t.  Her only option was to focus in on somewhere other than him and his home in the Fade.  She remembered it was easy to see the memories of places where you slept so she focused her thoughts on the farms.

When she slipped into the Fade she exhaled a breath of relief.  It had worked.  Her eyes looked around her at the area that was Dennet’s farm.  Or would be Dennet’s farm.  Nothing had been built here yet making the landscape both familiar and alien to her.

In the distance she heard the clopping of hooves and soft grinding of wheels on dirt that indicated a carriage.  She turned towards the sound to find a much younger Dennet and wife riding into the area.  They had a few men with them but that was it.  

They headed towards her, or rather towards the small pond she stood next to, as she watched them.  When they were about to pass her she felt a familiar presence at her shoulder and smiled, “Hello, Sherlock.  You found me.”

“Always.  You shine bright for me.  Like a beacon.”  As she turned her head to glance at him he said, “I was at the library but Solas said he didn’t think you would come.  He seemed--”

“I’m sorry but… can we not talk about him right now.”

“Why?”

She sighed, turning away once more to watch as the horses that were pulling the carriage were released to drink and the ones who were being ridden led over to drink by their riders.  “We had a bit of a fight.  Our opinions… differ, on certain things.”

“What things?”

It was his nature and he was her friend.  She told him the whole thing, tried to summarize the situation with the alliance, and everything else.  When she had finished time had moved forward in the memories around them.  They had started work on building the farm.  The house they lived in now almost complete.

When she had finished, her voice cracking on repeating the last thing Solas said to her, Sherlock shook his head, “He should not have said that but he didn’t mean it.  He--”

The hairs on the back of her neck were suddenly all standing on end and she shivered, “Sherlock, do you…”

“Terror.  Lust.  Blood spilled.  Seeping into the ground, roots drinking, tainted.  Other feelings, all strong.  Too much.”

The emotions were a potent cocktail.  They played along her skin, dug into her mind, and chilled her.  She turned to find thick woods where there had been none before.  As though on their own accord her legs moved her towards the tree line.

Sherlock grabbed the back of her shirt, “Don’t.”

She paused long enough to turn to him, bringing her hand up to cup his cheek, “It’ll be alright.  It’s just memories but you wait here ok?” She removed her hand, “I know the emotions must be a lot for you if even I can feel them so much.”

As she turned from him he spoke in a hushed tone, “Memories can hurt too.”

She stopped completely now.  All things considered she probably shouldn’t go there.  The emotions, especially the terror, were growing more tangible by the moment.  An acidic taste on her tongue.  What drove her forward in the first place was a deep need to know what monster lay in wait in that inky blackness.  You couldn’t fight what you didn’t know after all.

The pull of it was inescapable.  She turned one last time to reassure Sherlock again but was met with the very trees she had been headed towards, inches from her now.  All the muscles of her body immediately went taut, her heart speeding to increase the blood flow.  She spun around and was met with what she had expected.  

More trees.

More darkness.

When she looked up she could just make out some light trying to penetrate it’s way in.  The trees were dense, but there still should have been more light coming through.  She’d never been superstitious much but this place…

There was cracking, the sounds of twigs and leaves being crushed.  The feeling of terror growing stronger.  Emma backed up to one of the trees.  She forced herself to go slowly, taking care of how she set her foot down to make the least amount of sound.  It may just be a memory, but something still felt wrong.

Just as she got to the tree, and had hunkered down, there was a loud crack.  An elf ran towards the area Emma was in.  The woman’s light dress catching on a low branch and making her fall on to her stomach with a small squeak.  

The woman was taller than other elves she’d seen.  More similar to Solas’ height.  An ancient elf, perhaps?  Had she gone that far back?

The woman had vallaslin but it was too dark for her to make it out with any clarity.  Another oddity.  She had assumed the vallaslin was a purely Dalish thing.  

The woman stayed on her stomach.  The breath escaping in and out of her lungs in great gulps even as she tried to quiet them.  She seemed to be listening for something.  Likely whatever beast was pursuing her.

It was a horrible thing to see and to feel.  The woman’s terror was even more pungent up close.  It almost had a thickness to it that Emma swore she could feel coating her skin, attempting to constrict around her.  She wanted to help the woman but knew this was something that had happened long past.  It was still painful to experience.

They must have stayed like that for several minutes.  As time passed she felt the woman’s terror slowly seeping away.  It slowly made room for relief, joy even, at having survived whatever had pursued her.  She swore she heard the woman’s thoughts then, though they were… muddied and somewhat disjointed.  

The woman was thinking of her home.  Of the other slave she had made a plan to run away with.  They had fallen in love even though they were slaves to different gods.

Suddenly Emma was back in her own thoughts and the woman’s fled her completely.   _ Slaves, this woman is a slave?  Solas mentioned nothing of this. _ _ Had the Evanuris truly enslaved their own people? _

The woman stood slowly, wincing at some pain.  Judging from the dark stain growing on the woman’s white dress, she would guess it was from some gash in her side.  Still, she would live and Emma was glad for it.  Watching someone die was not something she wished to see again.

Just as Emma was going to try to will herself back to the farms, she felt something else.  This feeling was excitement and even… lust?  Her eyes widened and forgetting completely that this was only a memory she shouted at the elf, running to push her out of the way of whatever was coming, “Watch out!”

She went through like the elf was air, landing on the ground nearby.  She rolled just in time to see it happen.  Though she wished she hadn’t done so.

A spear went into the woman’s back with such force it pushed the elf’s body into the tree in front of the her, pinning it.  The sound of it going through the woman’s spine was like thunder in the quiet woods.  Emma’s eyes were locked on the body of the elf as it twitched before stilling completely.

Blood made it’s way in a growing stream down the tree, pooling at the roots to be drunk up by the ground below.  Her whole body started to tremble.  The elf wasn’t an elf anymore.  Instead it was Merri there on the tree, the little body broken, head turned at an unnatural angle while dead eyes stared accusingly at her.

It isn’t her.

She shook her head and tried to take deep breaths into lungs that didn’t seem to work right.  Vomit threatened to come up and she bowed her head trying to hold it back.  

Then she heard it.  The sucking cracking sound of the spear being pulled free.  As if on their own accord her eyes went up to the source.  

Before her stood one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen.  The woman was an elf with long black as night hair and moon pale skin.  She was flawless, perfect features, perfect form, not a skin blemish on her that Emma could see.  She was too perfect.  She was cold.  The beauty tainted by something under the skin.  

Glowing green eyes turned to look at Emma.  Not through her.   _ At  _ her.

A hungry smile came to the woman’s lips revealing sharp canines as she spoke in a purr, “Hello pet.  Enjoy the show?”  She looked to the now crumpled body in front of her, “I hope you liked that added touch in the end.  That slave was from the memory but I have enough power to add a little of my own flavor to it.”

She should have been scared still, but instead the casual dismissal, the  _ enjoyment _ , she felt coming off this woman in waves sent her into rage.  Forcing her body to stop shaking she stood, she only came up to just above the woman’s shoulders.  She lifted her chin and squared her own shoulders, facing the woman down.

“Is this the part where I’m supposed to cower, sob maybe?”  Emma’s lip curled, “I’m not going to stroke your ego.  I’m not one of your slaves nor am I a victim.”

The woman blinked and then let out a loud laugh before saying, “His bitch has bite.”

“His?”

That threw her off balance.  Was she referring to the entity that had brought her here from her world or someone else?  Surely not Solas but who?

The woman stepped forward, closing the distance in one quick motion.  Her hand came out, long fingers capped in silver claws.  When she reached for Emma’s chin, the hand simply went through like Emma had gone through the elf.

The woman gave an exaggerated pout and clicked the claws together before saying, “You don’t know do you?  Precious little thing.  Pretty too.”  She examined her closely, “I  _ do  _ see why he plays with you.  Pity I am not fully myself.  I might have some extra fun with you myself before…”  She gave a sigh, “Well, it is as it is.”

The confusion the conversation brought her was eating at the rage.  It made it harder for her to stand her ground and she felt herself faltering, “What--”

_ “Leave child.  Don’t play her games.  She cannot physically harm you but her words are venom.”  _ The voice was warm like molasses, it reminded her of her mother when she tried to soothe them as children.

The woman’s eyes narrowed at a spot behind Emma as she spoke, “Stay out of this spirit.  Don’t you have something better to do, like being some poor sops shield?”

The voice spoke again, this time more solid and directly behind her, “Indeed.  I will be a shield to she that has earned it.”  A hand was placed on Emma’s shoulder, “If it is her wish.”

Emma was reluctant to take her eyes off the woman in front of her, so she merely gave a quick glance to her shoulder.  The hand that rested there had skin the color of midnight.  The beauty of it would be something she could appreciate better later when there was no longer an immediate threat.  

The woman grimaced but quickly worked to cover it, “Your kind are always such a bore.”

The spirit spoke once more, “Seems your leash is being pulled, Andruil.”

_ Andruil.  The Andruil was… _

Emma was face to face with one of the Evanuris. __ She worked to keep her breathing even, a comforting flow of emotions coming from the hand to help her do so.  It was needed.  This was all a bit much to take in.  Between the fight with Solas, all the stuff at stake with the Inquisition, and now all this; so much had happened in such a short time.  

Andruil’s lip curled, “Let him.  The flea ridden pest is too coward to meet me face to face.  All he can do is tug.”

“You confuse cowardice with wisdom.  Not all battles are won by those that are physically strongest, as you well know.”

Andruil grimaced once more, this time her form wavering clearly though she fought to appear unmoved, “Trickery and luck.  I will not fall a second time,”  She almost vanished completely for a moment before she gave a bored sigh still acting as though nothing was happening to her, “And now you’ve ruined my fun spirit.  Take her, I bore of this.”  Her eyes turned to Emma and she winked, “You’ll hear from me again before long, pet.”

Word vomit came out of her then, “Oh you don’t have to.  If I decide I want a bitch later I’ll just get a dog.”  

_ Oh, that’s great Emma.  That’s awesome.  Let’s piss off a super powerful god mage.  Great plan.  Keep it up.  Not like having her attention on you at all isn’t bad enough, just keep adding that extra salt. _

Andruil looked at her as she faded away, “We would have had  _ such  _ fun, little toy.”

The spirit’s hand tightened on Emma’s shoulder and as Andruil disappeared, so did the woods around her.  Soon they were pack at the farms.  Sherlock swaying and ringing his hands as he waited for them.  The moment he caught sight of her he hurried forward and enveloped her in a hug.

“I’m ok.”  She gave him a squeeze then released him.

“You shouldn’t have gone.”

“I know.”  

She turned then to look at the spirit that had come to her.  The spirit had the form of a female elf.  She had gorgeous midnight skin and long white hair with highlights of silver.  Her eyes were pale green and kind.

Emma smiled at her, “I owe you thanks.”

She gave a small bow of her head, “I wished to help.  I’ve watched you for sometime, child.  I would like to offer my assistance and friendship to you.”

“I’d certainly welcome it.  Do you have a name?”

“I have been called many things.  Most often for protection, a guardian.  Before the world changed, my friends with corporeal forms referred to me as Amynta.”

“It is a pleasure to meet you Amynta.  I would introduce myself but I imagine you already know me.”

She smiled, “Yes, Emma.”

Sherlock spoke then, “You are  _ very  _ old.”

Amynta laughed, “Yes, young one, I have seen much but it has been long since one has shone bright enough to truly catch my attention.”

Emma’s brows furrowed, “Sherlock has said something like that before, I’m not really sure I understand.”

“We are drawn to certain beings more than others.  You are curious and that attracts him.  You are protective of those around you and that attracts me.”  Amynta tilted her head, “I imagine you will find others before long, dreamers are so rare now.  I have sensed more watching you, both kind and otherwise.”

She had so many questions now and was unsure where even to start.  There was the questions around Andruil.  Why had the huntress sought her out specifically?  Who was this  _ he _ she kept referring to?  What exactly had pulled Andruil back?  

As she tried to sort through her head for the most relevant Sherlock spoke, “She has lots of questions.”

Amynta grinned, “I imagine so.  Though there is much I can not answer now.  It is not my place and much would be far too long, and complex, to explain.”

When she spoke her question it was a whisper, “Why me?”

Amynta’s smile fell and her brows softened, “I am unsure.  Luck or fate.  You are the one chosen for the path.  I fear it will not be an easy one.”  She tilted her head, “I believe morning arrives.  We will continue this later.  I will be near, if you need me when awake you may call on me.”

“How?”

“Just think of me and I will come.”  She moved forward to touch Emma’s cheek with the tips of her fingers, “Trust, child.”  She removed her hands, “Sule tael tasalal, da’len.”

Emma recognized that saying, it roughly meant until next we meet.  She gave a nod, “Sule tael tasalal, hahren.”  She turned to Sherlock, “I’ll see you soon friend.”

Then her eyes opened to the familiar fabric of the tent, and the sounds of a camp waking for the day.


	59. Solas - Truth Through Wisdom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has overlap with the previous one but I felt it was important to share.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy :)

When he entered the Fade part of him had hoped to find her waiting for him there, part of him had hoped she wouldn’t be.  This seemed to be much the way of it lately.  Emotions and desires torn, swirling inside of him like a whirlwind.  He still did not believe he was wrong for what he had asked.  He still believed  _ she  _ was wrong for not accepting what had to be done.  Yet, he wished he had not said what he had.  He wished he could get the image of the pain on her face out of his head.

In any case, it seemed she was not there and he doubted she would come.  He informed Sherlock of this when the spirit greeted him.  In truth, Solas wanted the reminder of her gone for the moment.  Not that this made any difference.  His thoughts still remained unwavering on her.

That was until Wisdom came.  He felt her before he saw her; they had, after all, been friends for a very very long time.  The moment she appeared he went to her and enveloped her in a hug.  Unused to such displays from him, she stiffened for a moment before she laughed in his ear.  Then her arms went around him and she gave him a hug back.

When he released her she smiled at him before she said in Elvhen,  _ “Good to see you, my friend.” _

It had been long since he had anyone converse with him in Elvhen.  The sensation of it warmed him.  _ “And you.  I have missed you, I trust your rest was pleasant?” _

_ “It was, though I wake to find much changed with you and the Fade.” _  Her face softened,   _ “Tell me what has happened.  I have seen much but I wish to hear in your words.” _

He took a deep breath and brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose.  After a beat he started with his thoughts, the reasons he had seen Corypheus as his only option, the mistake of thinking that parasite would not survive it.  Then he told her of everything else up to this point.  Finally he told of her of his plans to fix the problem he had created.

He did not mention anything about Emma.  It was painful for him to speak of her at this time.  Besides that, his feelings in regards to her were intense and confusing to him.  The way she made him feel was unlike anything he had experienced before or ever expected.  She was unlike anything he expected.  One surprise after another.

_ “You left out what is troubling you most tonight.” _

_ “I--” _ He swallowed and glanced away before saying quietly,  _ “It should not be.” _

Wisdom smiled at him and tilted her head a hint, _ “From what I have come to understand, she should not be.  At least not here.  Yet she is and it is.” _  She paused before adding,   _ “I’d very much like to meet her.” _

He could not help the hint of a smile on his own lips,  _ “She said the same about you.”  _  Then the smile fell,  _ “I am unsure if she will come here however.  We had a,”  _ he paused a beat and glanced away from her, _ “disagreement.” _

_ “A fight.” _

Still unable to meet her eyes directly he said, _ “A disagreement.  She refused to see reason and I became,” _  He paused again, looking for the wording then took a somewhat shaky breath,  _ “I confess I lost my temper, I said something I should not have.” _

_ “Perhaps I can help,” _  She reached out her hand,  _ “May I?” _

She could simply seek it out herself if she wished but always polite, she never dug into his memories without permission.  It was one of the things he had always appreciated about her.

Now he nodded before placing his hand in hers.  He watched her changing expression.  First the lips curved in a soft smirk, then the brows furrowed and the corners of her mouth turned down, and finally her eyebrows rose.  When she opened her eyes and released his hand there was a look of pity there.

_ “Solas.  You should not have done that.” _

His fingers flexed,  _ “I realize I should not have said what I did in the end but the rest... She should be able to see that what I asked was---” _

_ “What you asked was for her to manipulate her best friend and the woman who saved her life.  Not only that but you asked this of her after she had given you pleasure.  Do you not see?  You took then you ordered.” _

His heart skipped a beat, he felt his ears start to heat,  _ “The timing was unfortunate but that does not change the fact that ideals cannot come before the greater good.  If we are to fix this then the mages must be the ones chosen, not the templars.  We sometimes must do things we do not like.  She is being naive.” _

Wisdom smiled and shook her head once more _ , “She is being much like someone else I knew so many centuries ago.” _

He frowned before snapping out,  _ “We all must grow up.  Learn.” _

_ “Tell me, my dear one, do you wish to force her to become what you have?  Do you want her to lose all trust.  To no longer have the soft warmth you treasure in her so.  You speak of her ideals now as though they are poison on your tongue but it is not always so, is it?”   _

The words stung and made him pause.  Of course he did not wish for her to have to become like him.  He did not want to see that easy laugh of hers tucked away.  He did not want the light to be pushed from her, but things were complicated.  It would surely not have done so much damage if she had done what he had asked.

He opened his mouth to reply but Wisdom spoke first,  _ “Are those very ideals not among the things that have made you fall in love with her?” _

The words hit him with force.  _  In love with her.  _

_ “I am not---”   _

He was not.  It was not possible for him to be.  Love, real love, was not something most experienced.  It was a term thrown about to garner the chance of a good partnering, to raise your family up higher by working your way into someone’s bed.  Only once before had he thought himself in love, and the woman in love with him, he had been very wrong.

It had always been in the back of his mind that the reason he was so attached to Emma was because she was like him.  He had caught glimpses of guilt in her over some past event that he had no desire to pry into.  There was that sadness in her eyes sometimes that had so mirrored his own.  She was alone, apart from the world she found herself in, and she was a dreamer.  Connected to the Fade in a way that rivaled his own.

She was intelligent, curious, and eager.  When he taught her she hung on his words but was not submissive to him.  Indeed, despite the fact she had seen more of his power than others and was a full head smaller than he, she had no issues challenging him when she felt it was needed.  Even if it was not, in his opinion.

When he thought about it, the feelings he had felt towards the woman before had been nothing, minor pings compared to what Emma made him feel.  His thoughts were flooded with her, his skin ached for her touch, his eyes sought her out begging for even a glimpse to satiate his hunger for her, and his desire to be joined with her was so intense that it was painful at times.

She made him feel alive.  She made him want to live.  To have a life that was not possible.  She made him want even though he should not, even though it hurt.  Even though it could not be.

As he had been thinking, he had paced.  Now he found himself at the window seat where she liked to curl up.  The image of her there was vivid in his mind; her hair catching the sun like silken fire, her head bent, perhaps her tongue peeking out of the corner of her mouth as she focused, and her legs tucked up in some odd, often uncomfortable looking, manner.

He lowered himself to the seat.  As he did so his hands went to his lap and he found they were shaking.  His eyes watched them puzzled for a moment before he clasped them together,  _ “I love her.” _

“ _ Yes.”   _ Wisdom moved within arm’s length of him her voice quiet and kind,  _ “I believe you have for some time, dear one.” _

He could not help the laugh that escaped him.  It had been many centuries since he had laughed so hard and suddenly.  The force of it causing tears to stream from his eyes.  He could not breath, his lungs gulped for air between the laughs but could not get enough.  It was all too much.

A hand touched his shoulder,  _ “Hush, dearest.” _

Her touch helped ground him once more, bringing him back to the room until he was able to quiet.  Once he had stopped his laughter he still felt a wetness rolling down his cheeks.  

When he spoke his voice was hoarse _ , “I have been given one of the greatest gifts the world can offer.  I have met my life-mate, the one that makes my spirit sing.”   _ He swallowed,  _ “If I do not wish the gift destroyed, I must send it away.  Her away.”   _ He looked up to Wisdom,  _ “How am I---” _

The words were bitten back as the feeling of Emma’s fear shot through him, turning him inside out.  He stood so fast it made Wisdom jump back.  Emma’s emotions rolled through him in sickening waves combating with his own.  Wisdom looked at him, concern written on her brow, but she knew to wait.

He focused.  It was like wading through thick sludge but he had to find the core of it.  Where she was and what was causing this.  When he did his heart skipped again then his teeth ground together and he sneered,  _ “Andruil.” _

The rage was over taking everything else now, even Emma’s emotions.  There was a guttural growl from somewhere deep in his gut and all his muscles strained against his skin ready to tear the threat apart.  Before he could leave Wisdom reached out and touched him.  The slightest brush of fingers on his arm but it was like static.  In his rage he had lost some of his control over his power and he could not bring himself to care.

_ “Solas, wait a moment.” _  He glared at Wisdom opening his mouth to state his protest to the suggestion but she continued,  _ “She must be able to care for herself.  You know this.  If you are always going to her aide then she will never learn her own strength.” _

The truth in her words managed to pierce the slightest hole in the heat that had taken him over.  It was enough to make him rethink his methods, but not enough to make him stop completely.  If it had been a mere demon, perhaps he would have left it for Emma, but this was Andruil and it could not stand.

_ “I am sorry, I must go.” _

Without waiting for her response he left.  In a matter of seconds he found himself in Andruil’s prison.  There was no way she could hurt him, there were precautions taken and they were still in different states of sorts.  

There was also no way for him to truly kill her at this time.  A moment of regret at this came over him when he saw her laying on her couch in rest.  It would have been so easy to tear her head off her shoulders before she woke, to feel her blood hot as it sprayed, to know that she would never take another breath.  On the other hand, that would be far too quick for one like her.

He reached out to his rune more so he could feel Emma better, some of her fear had subsided and been replaced by confusion, as well as anger.  His love.  Of course, she wouldn’t let Andruil walk all over her.  Some day that might get her into more trouble than she could handle, but he hoped to have her gone long before that.

Emma certainly would not be hurt tonight.  He reached out with his magic feeling for the gaps in Andruil’s cage, gaps he had known of but been too busy to do much about so long as she didn’t misbehave.  She had most definitely misbehaved now.  

As he found the gaps he sealed them.  A part of his mind remained trained on Emma and her emotions.  She was safe so he took his time knowing that what he did would be painful to Andruil.  He wondered how long the woman could hold out before she came back.

It took longer than he had thought.  She must have been very determined in her task because there was little doubt she was in horrific pain at the moment.  This was probably the only time he did not mind the thought that he caused hurt to someone.  Even found some level of enjoyment in it, if he were honest.

When she did come he felt her the moment she entered but she feigned sleep for longer.  Once she did open her eyes they were heavy lidded,  _ “Hello flea bag.  It’s been so long, to what do I owe the pleasure?” _

_ “You know why I am here.” _

She stood, slow and languid, there was little doubt of the beauty of her form.  They were all beautiful on the outside.  Her hands traced a line up her dress to the shoulders before she pulled the dress off letting it pool at her feet.  

It did nothing for him and she knew it, but she enjoyed the game.  Her hand traced lazy lines along her curves and her breasts as she watched him,  _ “This perhaps.” _

_ “You know I have never been interested in that from you, despite your best efforts to change that fact, I assure you it remains the same.” _  It did not matter how perfect that body may be by most standards, she disgusted him.   

Her upper lip curled showing one pointed canine as a new dress formed on her,  _ “Ah yes, you have a toy for that now don’t you?  Some tight little human cunt to satiate your thirst.  Does she know she takes the cock of a god inside of her?  Does it make her wild with lust?” _

He had to work to keep his calm.  The rage her words caused was simmering right under the surface, begging to be released.  He did not want her to win.

_ “When I saw her today I can understand some.  She is rather delicious looking.  I think I would take a bite myself.  Such a tough little creature, I would imagine that breaking her would be very satisfying.  That her screams---” _

No longer able to contain it the rage came and with it a burst of magic that filled the space.  It smothered Andruil causing her to double over and forcing the air from her lungs.  He could not kill her but he could hurt her more.

_ “You will not go near her.  You will not speak to her or of her.  You will not even think of her.  If you do I promise you I will make you suffer.  You will suffer until this prison seems like it was a sanctuary.  Then, when you are completely broken, I will rip your head from your shoulders.” _

When she spoke the voice was breathless and she had to work to force her body straight again,  _ “You were always such a sweet talker, wolf.  Be careful or I might not be able to contain myself.  The things you do to me.” _  Her hand went down her stomach to cover her womanhood.

He growled,  _ “Stay. Away.” _

Her smile grew showing all her teeth and she removed her hand from herself as she walked away from him,  _ “I promise wolf,  _ I _ will not touch your plaything.  How could I even if I wanted to?  You’ve got me housed in such a beautiful bird cage I can’t leave.” _

She was too calm, it was too easy, far too easy.  He focused now throwing his magic out to search the whole cage closing the remaining gaps as he went.  When he had finished she was lounging on her couch watching him through heavy lidded eyes.

_ “Are you quite finished?  I imagine that tired you out, you aren’t your full self after all.  You’re still weak.  I can  _ taste _ it.”   _ With the last words she let her tongue come out to lick slowly along her upper lip.

His fingers clenched once,  _ “Not as weak as you, huntress.” _

Now that he was satisfied all the gaps had been sealed he used the last of his energy to go back to his Fade home.  The moment he was back he fell to his knees, Wisdom caught him as he went down and knelt with him.

His stomach was hard and there was a bitter taste in his mouth as he spoke,  _ “I am so weak still.  This is becoming infuriating.” _

_ “Hush now.  You will regain yourself but you can not over do in the meantime.  These things take time, as you well know.” _

His jaw clenched,  _ “A luxury I have precious little of.” _

_ “Solas—“ _

_ “I appreciate your efforts but you can not help this.” _  He took a deep sigh and managed to sit back on the floor as she set on her legs in front of him,  _ “I need to get her home, now more than ever, because of me she has caught the attention of Andruil.  If something happened to her…”   _ Another sigh and his hands were shaking again.  He clenched his fists,  _ “I am a fool, I should end it with her, I should have never started it.” _

_ “You are being a fool but not for the reasons you think.” _  Her hand came out to rest on top of one of his fists and he met her eyes,  _ “You love her.  It is precious and should not be wasted.  Stop fighting this thing that should be embraced.  Love her.  Teach her.  Be with her and stop hating yourself so much you can not let yourself do so.  It is bad for you and for her.” _

_ “Her life is in danger because of  _ me. _  If I had not—“ _

_ “And would she be safer without you?  If you had chosen to avoid her, to not teach her, would she truly be better off now?”   _

He opened his mouth, shut it, then after a beat said in a barely audible voice,  _ “There are other mages.” _

_ “But none are you.  None could understand as you do.  None would be able to help her as you do.  You know this.  Stop being so stubborn you old fool.” _

Wisdom was right.  Of course she was right.  

_ “I need to fix it with her but I do not know how to start.” _

_ “Saying a simple apology would go a long way, I imagine.” _

_ “It is not so simple and I am not sure an apology would cover everything.  I am also…” _  His shoulders tightened and he looked down releasing a shuddering breath,  _ “I am afraid.  I do not know if I go further what will happen.  I am afraid that if I continue when I must let her go it will shatter me completely; I can not afford that, for the People I must remain strong.” _

_ “And if she did not go?” _

His eyes snapped up to Wisdom’s once more,  _ “She must.” _

_ “What if she does not wish to?” _

He shook his head as though expelling the words from his mind,  _ “She must.” _

Wisdom sighed,  _ “In the end it is her decision, you must accept that.” _

_ “She knows she must.” _  He lifted his chin,   _ “She will make the right decision.” _

“ _ I did not question if she would make the right decision, dearest one.” _  Wisdom sighed and stood,  _ “I am simply saying the right decision may end up being a different one than the one you foresee.” _

She gave him her hand to help him up and he took it as he said, “ _ If she stays she will die.  I must do what I must and she must do what she must.  We are both on a path we can not stray from.  There is too much at stake.” _

She released his hand,  _ “I should have thought you would have become less stubborn with age, not more.” _

He frowned,  _ “I am being realistic not stubborn.” _

_ “If you say so.” _  She smiled at him but he was not sure if he liked this particular smile.  It was one you would give to indulge a child,  _ “I believe it is well past the sun rising in the waking world.  We should talk more tomorrow.” _

_ “I do not believe I have anything further to say on this topic.” _

_ “Very well.  We will talk more of other things tomorrow and I shall let this one go, for now.” _ She gave a wink which was uncharacteristic for her and threw him for a moment.

He frowned,  _ “I do not recall you being so troublesome when last we communicated.” _

She laughed, “ _ Perhaps it is that  _ you  _ are more troublesome not I.”  _

He grumbled,  _ “Doubtful.” _  Then he took two steps forward and pulled her into another hug,  _ “Until next we meet.” _

She hugged him back giving him a squeeze before she released him,  _ “Until next we meet, dear one.” _

When he woke he was more exhausted than when he had gone to sleep.  Mentally.  Emotionally.  Physically.  

He set up, feeling a headache that had formed and now pounded insistent behind his eyes.  He lacked any magical strength at the moment to do anything about it.  What little he did manage today would need to be saved in case of a fight.

This was all unfortunate as he had much to do and to think on today.  Not the least of which was how to approach Emma.

Wisdom’s words played back in his mind,  _ “And if she did not go?” _

If she did not go he would be with her longer.  If she did not go he could love her as she was meant to be loved.  Every day he would treasure her until she had no more life.  Then she would pass on and he would be alone; it would still not be enough.  Even if nothing happened.  Even if she lived to be a hundred, it would not be enough for him.  It would still break him when he lost her.

Therein was the truth of it.  It would end either by what he had to do for the People, by the full truth of him and what he had done, by her being killed, by her dying of old age, or by her going back to her home and living a full happy life.

In the end he would lose her, it was simply a matter of how.


	60. Wrong Side Of The Bedroll

When she finished dressing, she took a deep breath before she lifted the tent flap and stepped out.  It was starting to warm in the valley even though the sun had not made it fully over the mountain yet.  The breeze that mountain valleys always got during clear days, was already trying to make itself known, brushing her curls against her skin.

Reminding her of his fingers, how he would brush her curl behind her ear, cup her cheek, and trace the line of her jaw before tilting her chin up to look at him.  

It still stung.  What he had said to her still felt raw.  She knew it solved nothing to sulk.  There was no solution found in not talking it out with him.  On top of that he was the only person she could ask questions of about what had happened in the Fade.  One being about the Evanuris potentially keeping slaves of their people.  There was no one that could answer these questions but him.

Even as she acknowledged this, she couldn’t bring herself to try to talk with him.  Regardless of if he had not truly meant the words he had said, they had still been like a stab to her.  With everything else she just needed some time.  Just a day or so to collect her thoughts on everything that had happened.  This would also allow her to give him a more cohesive summary of everything with Andruil and Amynta.

Ivy and Sera were still in the tent while Cassandra was off talking to some of the recruits in the camp.  Emma debated going for a walk to avoid possibly eating alone with Solas, but dismissed the idea.  Not like she could avoid him all day.  Also she tried not to be childish, she wasn’t always successful, but she tried.

Shortly after she had started eating her porridge, both Sera and Ivy joined her.  Neither of them were morning people so the meal commenced in silence.  Solas still had made no appearance by the time she was finishing her last bite.  She began to wonder if he had gone for a walk himself to avoid her.  The idea of that shouldn’t upset her.  After all she’d not intended to talk to him anymore than absolutely necessary.  Why did it make her ache a little more inside?

It was almost laughable really.  Her life was in real danger.  Not only in real danger but in real danger in more than one plane of existence, which was really kind of impressive.  In a twisted way.  She could die by Andruil, a fucking elven god.  She could die by a demon.  Death by a rift.  Death by arrow, sword, or magic.  Death by some creature or some natural accident.  Death in her world by being unplugged.

All those deaths, and her biggest concern was that Solas and her had a fight.  Love really did make people idiots.

She blew a curl out of her eye and stood to take her bowl over with the other finished ones.  Just as she was straightening from setting the bowl down, Solas stepped out of his tent.

Her brows furrowed as she took him in.  It was hugely uncharacteristic for him to sleep so late, despite his enjoyment of the Fade.  Her eyes looked over him noting all the oddities about his appearance.  The shoulders were slightly less straight than normal.  The clothing just a hint rumpled as opposed to his usual pristine state.  Then there was his face, all the features seemed drawn.  The eyes holding an exhaustion she had never expected to see in them.  

She spoke without thinking, “What’s wrong with Solas?”

Ivy looked up and squinted at him, “He looks the same to me.”

Sera spoke next, “He always looks the same.  Old and grouchy.”

Emma sighed and shook her head.  She opened her mouth to reply but he must have sensed her watching him, or possibly heard the conversation from how his ears twitched, and he turned to her.

When his eyes caught hers there was a flitting of emotions and then pain before his mask slid into place.  The sudden intensity of the pain that she had glimpsed nearly made her forget how to breath.  Then he turned from her, walking away from camp.  

Some of the anger that still broiled in her started to cool at that look.  If the suffering in his eyes was an indication of his remorse about their previous conversation it was evident he was sorry even without words.  It calmed the anger and hurt in her some, but did not vanquish it completely.

The look in his eyes nagged at the back of her mind.  In combination with the exhaustion that was evident on his form, concern twisted her gut.  She was angry at him but she did not wish him to be in that kind of pain.  She would not be the one to talk to him, however, not yet.

Someone else would need to.  If something was wrong she couldn’t just leave it.  Her eyes searched their companions.  Sera was an obvious no.  Ivy was likely still mad at him about last night, besides they were amiable but not close yet.  Cassandra was the one he spoke with the most out of all of them.  She could sense he had a respect for the Seeker and she for him.  

Cassandra had warmed to Emma during this trip but it was still lukewarm at best.  The Seeker did seem to have a softer side though and she hoped the talks with Solas would make her overlook any left over negativity.

She went over where Cassandra could see her, but remained far enough away that she wouldn’t eavesdrop on anything.  When Cassandra spotted her, her brow twitched up a hint before she finished off her conversation and walked over.

“Did you need something?”

“Not me, specifically, it’s…”  She chewed her lower lip second guessing the whole thing.  Solas was intensely private but---

“I don’t bite.”  Emma looked up to find a small smile on Cassandra’s lips, “I realize we didn’t get off to the best start.  I can be rash in my judgements.  It is--”

“You weren’t wrong, Cassandra, to be cautious with so much at stake and so much having happened.”  She took a deep breathe, “Anyways, it’s Solas.”

Cassandra’s brows knitted together and she frowned, “Is something wrong with you two?”

_ Yes.  _ “It’s not that.  Something isn’t right with him this morning.  I think he’s ill or… something.  Could you check on him?”

Cassandra’s eyes widened, “Me?”

“You respect each other and he talks to you more than any of the others.  I think you are the only one he might answer.  Even then, Solas is…”

“Private.  I’m aware.”  She eyed Emma, “Why not you?”

“It’s,” She paused a beat, “complicated right now.”

“I’ll try, but if something has happened you should talk to each other.  Together you’re both--” She flushed and looked away, clearing her throat, “Where did he go?”

Emma pointed out the direction she had seen Solas leave and Cassandra headed that way.  As she watched Cassandra walk away, she wondered why her and Solas even bothered hiding their relationship.  Everyone pretty much knew at this point.

Unless they no longer had a relationship to hide.  Her chest felt hollow at the thought.  A physical pain constricting her heart.  

It couldn’t be over just like that.  It was just a fight.  They’d figure it out.  It would be fine.   Totally---

She remembered the book of poems.  The horrifically cheesy poem she’d written and stuck inside because she was too chicken to say her feelings to him out loud.  Shit.  He couldn’t read it now.  

Fuck, she had to get that poem back.  

If she hurried she could probably go in their tent and get the stupid thing before he got back.  Just as she started to go to the tent, something caught her eye, or rather someone.  There was a young man standing at the edge of camp.  

He was wearing the biggest hat she had ever seen.  The hat pretty much completely covered his face so all she could make out was the hint of a chin.  He wore clothing that was neutral in color and patchworked.  It looked homemade, thrown together.  On his hands, hands that were currently fumbling with each other, he wore fingerless gloves.

Emma glanced around her at the others.  No one seemed to pay him any mind at all.  Not only were they not talking to him but they all seemed to be acting as though he wasn’t even there.  The young man’s head lifted and seemed to turn to her.  Though it was hard to tell with that hat.  

Her eyes went from the new comer to Solas’ tent.  She shifted and chewed on her lower lip before sighing.  If no one else would be polite then she had to go talk him.  Surely Solas and Cassandra would still be a bit.  She should have plenty of time.

She headed over, stopping a foot or so in front of him, “Hello, did you need something?”

The young man looked at her from underneath his hat.  At least, it felt like he was.  It was impossible to tell between the hat and the mop of hair covering his face.  “You are her.  You see me.  I didn’t know if you would.”

“I---”  She wasn’t really sure where to start with this one.  The way he spoke was… no.  It couldn’t be could it?  She tilted her head, “Are you…”  Her voice lowered to a whisper, “a spirit?”

“I’m not sure, yes and no.”  He shifted, “He found me.  Sent me.  I want to help.”

Understanding dawned on her, “You’re the one Sherlock found?  Do you have a name?”

“Yes.  They call me Cole.”  The hat tilted, “Words stinging.  Eyes cold.  You don’t believe it but it still hurts.  If you know he didn’t mean it why does it hurt so much?”  Another shift and ringing of his hands, “Because you love him.  Tell him.  It will help.  He---”

“That’s uhm… yes well it’s complicated and really there are bigger issues.  Though I appreciate the concern.”  Had to love the mind reading trick. Her eyes glanced around the camp.  “I don’t think here is a good place for any real discussions. I---”  A recruit nearly tripped over a rock from looking at her as he passed.  Her brows furrowed, “Wait.  You said something about being unsure if I could see you or not?”

“Yes.”

“Does that mean--”

“They can’t.  Not now.  Other times, but usually they forget if they do.”

“Oh good.”  So now she was talking to herself like a crazy person.  There needed to be another reason for those weary of magic to be cautious of her.

“He thinks you’re pretty.  He won’t tell anyone else.”  The hat tilted, “He wonders if you are crazy in bed too.  He’s thinking---”

“Oookkk that’s enough of that.”

“I have a letter.”  Cole held it out to her, “It is from her brother.  He was different, he saw me, needed my help.  He wants her to know he is safe.  He left when I did, he should be arriving in Haven soon.”

Her brows rose and she took the letter from him.  “Left the Templars?  Can people do that?”

“He escaped the corrupting.  Dark.  Envious.  Red like blood.  It hurts.  They are turning red inside.”  

His words made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.  Though the meaning was too scattered for her to piece together, it was clear it wasn’t good.  Whatever was happening with the templars would be bad for all of them.  Same with the mages if they were left alone.  She didn’t envy Ivy her position.

She opened her mouth to try and question him but closed it again.  It would do no good.  She knew enough of spirits to know that.  Plus, that would just be more time with her seeming to talk to herself on the edge of camp.  If Solas were here he would surely be able to understand better, to ask the right questions.  His knowledge far exceeded her own.

Cole spoke once more, “I can feel him.  Voice ringing with fullness from both worlds, guiding me to the shining places.  He calls himself Pride.  I will speak to him soon.”

Was he referring to Solas?  He must be since she that was who she had just been thinking could help.  What was he talking about with both worlds?  Was it because he was one of the ancients?  And pride?

“What do you mean he calls himself Pride?”

“So bright.”

Emma’s brows furrowed at his words. “Wha---”

“What’re you doing over here, Sissy?”

She spun to face Ivy, “Nothing.  Just… getting air.”

Ivy raised one brow, “You do realize that we’ve been surrounded by air this whole time right?”  Her eyes caught sight of the letter in Emma’s hand, “Oh I see, writing love letters to your pointy eared apostate?  He doesn’t deserve it you know, not after what ever he did.  Let me burn it before you do something you regret.”

That snapped her back to the current situation.  There was so much going on but she needed to focus on one thing at a time.  Now, it was the letter and Ivy’s brother.

“No love letters, this is for you actually.  A messenger dropped it off a moment ago.”  She held the letter out to Ivy,  “It’s from your brother.”

Ivy’s eyes went wide, “Luke?”  When she took the letter Emma could see the smallest tremble to her fingers, “Did you look at it?”

“No.  Do you want me to?”

Ivy thought about it for a moment then shook her head, “It’s fine.  If he’s writing that means he isn’t dead.  So good.”

Ivy inhaled deeply before she unfolded the letter.  As she read her mouth formed the words, though she didn’t actually speak them.  Emma waited watching closely for any signs of distress.  After a minute Ivy’s brow furrowed and her frown deepened.  By the end her brows were still furrowed but she looked just a little less stiff.

“He is on his way to Haven.  He says there has been corruption at the core of the order and it continues to spread.”  She sighed and folded up the paper sticking it into her pouch, “I suspected but…” She shook her head, then looked at Emma with anger in her eyes, “They are forcing red lyrium on them.  That shit Varric has been on about needing to destroy.  He says they are being forced to use it.”

Emma thought back to everything Varric had said.  “Why?  It would make them all crazy, wouldn’t it?  What possible purpose could it serve?”

“No idea.”  Ivy chewed the inside of her cheeks for a moment before saying, “Let’s keep this between us for now.  Tomorrow, we meet the mages and make our alliance if possible.”

“You’ve decided on the mages?”

Ivy nodded, “It makes me nervous, not going to lie but…”  Her eyes went the direction of Redcliffe, “They’re our best option for getting the Breach closed.  As much as I’d like to save the Templars, there is more at stake than just them.  We can’t risk it at this point.”

She wished she had a working phone right now so she could record this for Solas.  She had known it.  The stubborn man needed more faith in people.  He was better than he had been, but he still refused to see fully.  

Something must have shown on her face when she thought of him because Ivy looked concerned, “You don’t think it’s the right choice?”

Emma flushed, “No, I’m sorry.  I just… it reminded me of something else.  I do think you’re making the right choice Ivy.  I told you, I have faith in you.  You make the hard choices others can’t.”

Ivy’s furrowed brows softened a hint, “Thank you.  I just hope my brother gets to Haven alright.”

“Ivy,” Emma reached out to squeeze her hand forgetting about the mark.  When she touched it the mark flared slightly.  It felt familiar to her, pleasant even, but Ivy pulled the hand away too fast for Emma to place the sensation.  It was probably just something to do with her connection to the Fade.

“Careful with that, Sissy.  I don’t think it can jump hosts but…”  

“Sorry.”  She tried to shake off the residual tingling feeling from touching the mark, “I was just going to say that the messenger seemed to believe your brother should be arriving in Haven any day now.”

Ivy’s eyes brightened, “The messenger knew my brother?”

“I think so.  A bit at least.”  She glanced where Cole had been then back to Ivy, “He was somewhat hard to understand.”

“Oh, foreign then?  Some have really heavy accents.”

“Something like that…”

Ivy looked at something over Emma’s shoulder, “Good, Cass is back.  I’m ready to get this thing going.  I need to do something, I don’t even care if this whole Grey Warden thing is a wild goose chase at this point.”

Emma spun to look and sure enough, Solas and Cassandra were making their way back to camp.  They walked in silence but he looked at least a little less drawn.  Still not his usual stride.   He wouldn’t look at her even as she willed it.

She hated this.  

As she blew at a curl that had fallen over her eye she remembered the book of poems.  It had completely slipped her mind.  Now it was too late.  Maybe there was some way she could sneak in and get it tonight when he wasn’t paying attention.  She’d just have to keep an eye out for any opportunities.

Cassandra spotted them and said something to Solas.  For the first time his eyes glanced in their direction.  They stopped on hers for only a second before he turned his face from them and headed into camp.  Cassandra came towards them.  

When she was close enough she spoke to Emma, “He claims it’s merely that he has been thinking on the time magic and it kept him awake.”

Ivy sneered, “Don’t know why you asked after whatever he did.”

Cassandra’s brows furrowed but she didn’t pry, “We should be going.  Solas went to find Sera and they will meet us at the bridge.”

If he would rather be the one to fetch Sera then to spend time with her he must  _ really  _ not want to face her.  This was going to be a rather long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early release *throws confetti*
> 
> Also for anyone interested I couldn't resist starting a "what if" spin-off that has been bouncing about in my head. The premise is that Emma is sent back in time with the whole event at Redcliffe. All the way back to Arlathan pre-veil of course. In case anyone is interested, [Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9422033/chapters/21329255). 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter :D.


	61. Lessons

The walk to find Blackwall went fairly well, all things considered.  Emma stayed near the front with Ivy and Sera.  The two served as a good distraction from thinking as much on Solas.  

As for the walk itself, there was still a lot of going up, but her legs were becoming accustomed to the consistency of it more and more.  Although, this was not the first time she thanked whatever small amount of luck she had that she’d always been a hiker.  If she hadn’t been somewhat used to this kind of thing she probably would be dragging herself along the ground by now.  

Even so, when Ivy called a halt to their progress Emma was relieved for the moments rest.  Cassandra allowed it, noting that they were near the lake where they believed the Grey Warden to be staying.  

The location they stopped also happened to be an ideal place for establishing another camp.  It was important to get the Inquisition’s presence in as many places as possible helping to increase the organization’s influence.  At least, influence was one of the Ambassador’s main concerns, Emma was under the impression that Cassandra and Ivy established so many camps for the more practical use of having more safe places to rest and recoup if they needed it.

Cassandra and Ivy were in the middle of the area bending over a map to mark the location before they set up a camp marker on the site itself.  Sera was off shooting a nearby tree with arrows and she was unsure where Solas had gone.  Not that she should care.  She was still mad after all.  Somewhat.  

Honestly, being mad at someone you loved was exhausting.

Emma found a nearby boulder and set down on it.  She pulled off her boots to give her feet a rest, stretching and rolling her ankle while she enjoyed the feel of cool air on her skin.  When he came up behind her she sensed his presence before he spoke.

“Are you in pain?”

She took a small breath, “No.  Feet are just a touch sore, I’m still adjusting to so much non-stop walking.”  She felt his magic begin to touch upon her skin, “Don’t I’m---”  She stopped, his magic was weaker than normal.  This wasn’t him holding back either as he always did this was something with his mana.  Mana she knew he had more of than most.  She turned to look over her shoulder at him, “What’s wrong?”

“I do not know---”

“I can feel it Solas.”

He sighed and pulled his magic from her, “It is nothing to concern yourself with.”  He shifted before placing his hands behind his back and looking out over the camp, “I wanted to say--”

She wasn’t ready for this conversation yet, “Not now, Solas.  Please.  Let’s not do this right now.”

She thought she saw him give a small wince but he nodded, “You are correct.  It is a conversation better had in a more private setting, with more time granted to us.”  His eyes came to her and the intensity of them made her breath catch.  There was a resolve to them that she had not seen before, “There is much I need to speak with you about.  I will wait for you to come to me but I would ask that you do not delay overly long.”

Unable to form words she simply gave him a nod.  He shifted once more his body leaning near her, “I---”  He stopped himself and straightened, “I will leave you to your thoughts.”

Before she could react in any way he was gone to the other side of camp.  She watched him for a moment as he stood looking over the side of the cliff.  He still looked tired and his mana felt so… drained.  It was odd, but if he wouldn’t tell her she would just have to keep an eye on him.

The group stayed there for a while longer sharing some dried meat that Cassandra had packed for their lunch.  When they’d all finished eating they went ahead on their journey.  The lake was very near so it didn’t take long at all.

As soon as they saw the lake she couldn’t help the little gasp of pleasure at the sight.  The sun glistened off the water like a million tiny crystals as it spilled out in a gushing waterfall over the side of the mountain.  The roar of it comforting in its familiarity.  

This comfort and beauty was chased away far too soon.  On the other side of the lake was a cabin and next to that was a man speaking to a group of other men.  It would be safe to assume that the one giving last minute orders was Blackwall.  She had no time now to note anything about him however as a group of bandits had already begun closing in on the group.

Without a word Ivy took off across the lake.  She crossed where the waterfall was, jumping with easy grace from one rock to the next and immediately drawing her sword when her feet landed on the other side.  The rest of them followed suit as did Emma, if somewhat less gracefully than the others.

Once on the other side, she immediately started putting protective barriers on her companions.  Then she turned to the first assailant but she found herself frozen.  These were people.  Demons were one thing but this was---

Her eyes widened as the fighting continued.  She watched as Cassandra drove her sword in one swift hit across a man’s throat.  The blood bubbling up before it came out in gushes and the man fell to the ground.  Ivy swinging with enough force Emma could hear the crunch of bone.  

She shouldn’t have come.  This wasn’t what… she wasn’t prepared for this.  Her stomach rolled and she could feel the blood draining from her.  She needed to help but there was so much blood.  These were people and she hadn’t---

Solas’ voice sounded to her right, “Emma!”

The use of her real name was jarring enough that it brought her out of her frozen state, not soon enough to react to the man that was barrelling towards her sword pulled back for a hit.  In less than a beat he was down.  An arrow went clean through the side of his skull at the same time a blast of fire engulfed him with such force he was thrown to the side.

He had been close enough that she felt the hot droplets of his blood splatter on her face, close enough that the heat from the flames that burned his flesh also burned her nostrils.  The smell was horrifying.  She would never forget that smell for as long as she lived.  The one saving grace being that he was dead the moment the arrow hit so at least she didn’t need to hear him scream as he burned.

What she heard next though made the thought of hearing that sound almost pleasant.  There was the sound of another arrow piercing through flesh.  Then less of a cry and more of a growl.  She turned her head towards the noise hoping wildly that she was wrong about its origins.

She wasn’t.

Solas was hunched over his staff, fingers gripping white knuckled as he tried to hold himself up.  There was an arrow through his stomach.  It hadn’t exited him completely but had gone deep enough that the sharp end was visible at his back, crimson with his blood.

Her fault.  This had been her fault.  She’d frozen up and he had focused on her instead of the fight.  Her chest felt hollowed out and she had to hold back the fear that threatened to overwhelm her completely.  She heard Ivy give one more roar, heard the sword hit true, then all was quiet as she rushed over to him.

It was so quiet after the fight the sounds of her breathing seemed magnified, the blood rushing through her ears almost painful in its volume.  She got to him just as he fell to his knees and caught him, his forehead going to rest on her shoulder as he took in shallow breaths.

She heard the sounds of feet running on the grass then knew they halted next to her.  Sera’s voice from somewhere behind her, “Elfy! Why did you go and get yourself shot for?!  That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

A dry chuckle that she felt shake his shoulders as he tried to gasp out, “I will strive to--”

Emma spoke in his ear, “Shut-up.”

Sera spoke again this time to her, “What’re we---”

Then Ivy and Cassandra came running at the same time.  Cassandra speaking first, “Maker, we need a healer fast.”

Ivy yelled, “Blackwall do you know of one?”

Meanwhile Emma tried to think past the pounding in her ears, tried to think past the feel of him growing limper in her arms, “I have to help there has to be…”

“Not your fault.”

His voice was weak but he was close enough she still heard it despite the talk from the others.  It was her fault and he was being an idiot if he thought otherwise but even if it wasn’t, she wouldn’t let him die.  Never that.  He couldn’t.  He had to live.  She had to think fast, had to use everything she could.

She shut her eyes and thought the name, reaching and calling out.   _ Amynta.  I need you please.  Please come quick.  Help us. _

It was only a matter of seconds before she felt the spirit.  She felt her body flush with a calming warmth, filled up but not overtaken.  

_ “The arrow must be removed.  Then we must heal him quickly.  Have others remove it so you may heal him the moment it is out.” _

She opened her eyes and looked to Cassandra and Ivy, “I need both of you to help.  The arrow needs to come out.  One of you hold the feathered end while the other snaps off the tip, then we’ll pull out the shaft.”  She brushed her fingers along the back of Solas’ head, “This will hurt.”

Solas spoke, his words now barely audible, “I trust.”

“Bite my clothing if you need.”  She felt a tug on the collar of her armor and knew he had done so.  Then she turned her eyes towards Cassandra and Ivy, “Alright.”

Cassandra gripped the feathered end while Ivy bent to grip the sharp end.  Ivy took a deep breath before she gave Cassandra a nod over Solas shoulder.  Then, with as quick a motion as she could manage, she snapped the tip of the arrow.  Solas jerked but didn’t make anything but the slightest sound into Emma’s clothing.  As soon as the tip was off Cassandra pulled it out from her side.

Emma tried to ignore the sound it made as it left him.  Amynta spoke in her head once more,  _ “Quickly, put your hands over the wound on each side of him.  Focus, I will help strengthen the healing.” _

She did as Amynta said, carefully shifting so that she could place one hand on each side of the wound.  Solas’ fingers clutched at her and she kissed his cheek, shushing him and whispering that it was alright.  

When her palms went over the wounds she could feel his heat spilling against her skin, feel the slick stickiness.  The wrongness of it threatened her concentration and she had to work hard to ground herself.  She hummed to him quietly as she worked on pushing her magic through him.

As her magic went from her to his body she could feel it flowing inside of him.  She could feel all the damaged areas and what needed to be fixed.  The organs repaired, muscles stitched, and finally flesh closed.  It was intense and draining but she would bleed herself dry if it meant saving him.  Whenever she felt herself too close to weakening she would feel a gentle push of aide from Amynta and her magic would grow steady again.

There was no way of her knowing just how long the whole thing took but once she felt the last of his skin repaired there was sweat dripping off her face.  She felt shaky and weak but he would be alright.  That was all that mattered.

His breathing had evened but he was still limp and heavy against her.  When he spoke his voice was hushed, “I should not be surprised and yet---”

Before he could finish he slipped into unconsciousness.  It was something that shouldn’t worry her.  His magic was drained and he had just taken a fatal wound, or what would have been a fatal wound.  

She released a shaky breath and whispered, “Thank you.”

_ “You are welcome, child.  I will see you tonight.” _

With that she felt Amynta leave her again, slipping quietly from her body and mind.  Only then did she look up to Cassandra and Ivy.  Ivy was watching her closely, assessing.  Cassandra’s mouth was curved into a frown and her brows were furrowed.  Not a good look.

Cassandra caught Emma’s eyes on her and spoke, “Spirit healer.  Why did you not tell us?”

Emma’s hands clenched involuntarily to Solas’ clothing, “I didn’t know.  I didn’t even know that term before you said it just now.”

Cassandra’s voice had lost any of the warmth she had started to see before, “After what you did you are going to claim that---”

“Cassandra, I believe her.”

“Herald that is---”

“We all draw on new strength when someone we care for is in danger.  All spirit healers discover it for the first time somehow.  This just happens to be how she did.”

Cassandra opened her mouth, shut it, and then rubbed the back of her neck as her expression softened a hint.  “Spirits are dangerous.  A spirit healer is---”

“Rare and an invaluable asset.  I want to keep this to those of us who saw it.”

Cassandra’s eyes widened, “Herald I strongly believe that Leliana and the Commander should---”

“Leliana I would be alright knowing, Cullen I would not.”  As Cassandra opened her mouth to respond Ivy continued, “Despite what he says, Cullen is still a Templar at heart.  If he knows she is so close to a spirit it could cause problems.  Ella is an important member of the Inquisition, she has helped us in every way she can and her spirit healing could prove an immeasurable aid, not to mention she is important to me.”  Her eyes met Cassandra’s, “Please, Cass.”

Emma should have been more concerned about the discussion but she found it impossible to focus on anything but the man in her arms.  The healing had been draining but she had enough magic to push through another sweep of his body, confirmation that nothing else was wrong.  

Cassandra spoke, “Herald, I--”

Emma’s mind was still away from the conversation and she interrupted without even realizing it, “He is going to need to rest.  He is completely drained and a wound like that, even though it is completely healed, would have taken a toll.”

Cassandra gave a soft sigh before she spoke, “As you wish Herald, for now we will keep this from all but Leliana.  Ella has been loyal thus far.  Speaking of,”  Her eyes went back to Emma, “Are you alright?”

Emma’s brows furrowed, “Me?”

“Yes, I haven’t met any spirit healers but I imagine what you just did would have been draining on you as well.”

“Oh, right.  I’m fine.”

Ivy raised an eyebrow, “Sissy.”

Emma sighed, “A bit tired but I’ll be fine.  We need to figure out how to get him back to camp.”

A warm male voice spoke from behind her, “You’re welcome to the cabin.  I’ll help carry him in.  I would like to know what you’re doing here however.”

Ivy straightened her shoulders and turned her attention back to Blackwall, “We’re here on behalf of the Inquisition to investigate the disappearance of the Wardens and if it has any connection to the murder of Divine Justinia.  Do you know where the others have gone?”

He paced a bit to the side before turning back to them, “Disappeared?  We do that.  No blight there is no need for us.  As for the murder of the Divine, Maker’s balls, I’m sure they had nothing to do with that.  The Wardens are not political.  They would have no reason to murder the Divine.”

“Be that as it may, do you or do you not know where the others are?”

“I don’t.  I travel alone looking for recruits.  Not much interest since there’s no blight.  I stayed long enough to help the farmers after they were attacked by bandits.  I conscripted them long enough to train them and have them fight for themselves.  Next time they won’t need me.”

Ivy glanced at Cassandra before sighing, “Good of you but that doesn’t help us at all.  We’ll take you up on the use of your cabin for tonight, however, thank you.”

Blackwall hesitated a beat before walking towards them again, “If you’re trying to put things right, maybe you need a warden, maybe you need me.”

Ivy glanced down at Emma, still cradling Solas in her lap, “A discussion to be had later.  Let’s get Solas into the cabin.  Blackwall if you could get his upper body, I’ll get the lower.”

Emma couldn’t help gripping him tighter, “I’ll help.  I can---”

“Hold his hand if you like but it will be easier if Blackwall and I carry him.  It won’t do him any good if you exhaust yourself or drop him, or both.”

A man came down to kneel beside her.  He had dark hair and a fluffy beard.  Oddly his entire being reminded her of a teddy bear.  She guessed this must be Blackwall.

He smiled and lifted his hands out palm up, “I’ll be careful with him.”

She caught Blackwall’s eyes, saw the deep kindness in them, and she gently shifted Solas over to him, “Thank you.”

Ivy then came up to take his legs.  They counted to five and then hoisted him up.  Emma followed, though she found her knees wobbled.  Somehow she managed to get ahead of them to open the door, then close it behind them, before she followed to the bed where they put Solas down.

She started to kneel on the floor but Blackwall spoke, “Hold a moment.”  He moved away then came back with a chair, scooting it next to the head of the bed, “There you are.”  When Emma dropped into the chair he turned his eyes back to Ivy, “Now that they’re settled perhaps we can talk further.”

Ivy must have nodded because Emma heard their footfalls as they left, and then heard the soft sound of the door shutting.  She saw none of it because her eyes remained looked on Solas, going from his face to the rise and fall of his chest.  One more time.  She’d check one more time.

She brought a hand up to rest lightly on his chest before placing her forehead to his temple.  Then she released her magic once more along his body, searching for the tiniest thing that might be amiss.  Fingers brushed feather light against the wrist that was to his chest and she startled, pulling her head back from him.

He looked up to her though his eyelids were heavy, “Stop.  Do not exhaust yourself, I am fine.  Resting.  I will be well tomorrow.”  

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to wake---”

He reached up to brush her cheek with the back of his hand, “Much to talk of tomorrow.  I will not see you in the Fade but… tomorrow, ma vhe…”

The last part of the word fell to a mumble as exhaustion claimed him again.  She held his hand near her face a moment more before resting it at his side on the bed, her fingers staying wrapped around it.  She had no idea how long passed before the door opened once again.

Ivy walked near and spoke, “Sera and I are heading back to the Redcliffe camp to give them the location for the new camp, as well as getting some supplies to camp here for the night.  Cass will be outside if you need her and Blackwall is officially a member of the team now.”

Blackwall’s voice from somewhere else in the cabin, “An honor Herald.”

“You say that now.  Wait till you hit your fifteenth demon rift then see how much you want to thank me.”  Blackwall laughed quietly and Ivy continued, “We’ll be back before nightfall.  I talked to Cassandra about picking the mages by the way.  She is going to send word to Leliana and the others.”

Emma managed to turn her head and look up to Ivy with a smile, “That’s good and thanks for this.  It would have been hard to move him.”

“It’s nothing.”  She started to go, but stopped glancing at Blackwall then back to Emma, “You and I need to talk though, when things calm down,  _ Ella. _ ”

Emma noted the emphasis and had a feeling the talk would have something to do with Solas yelling her real name.  She’d hoped no one had caught it in all the commotion.  If she was lucky Ivy was the only one who had.

Emma nodded, “Yeah.”

Ivy reached out and gave Emma’s shoulder a squeeze and then left the cabin.  She heard shuffling and then saw another chair be placed next to her, “Mind if I sit?”

“No.”  She tried to offer another small smile, “It’s your cabin after all.”

Blackwall spoke as he settled himself into the chair, “He is yours and that is stronger than any building claim.”

She started to open her mouth to say that he wasn’t but she couldn’t.  Not anymore.  Instead she said, “I’m his.”

“Of course, the real ones go both ways.”  He shifted and looked at where the arrow had been, “I’d heard of spirit healers but never seen one.  What you did was… well it was damn impressive to be frank, if a bit unnerving.”

Her eyes went back to Solas as she spoke, “They’re that rare?”

“Rare, invaluable to their comrades, and dangerous.  You really didn’t know?”

She shook her head,  “When he was hurt I just… I knew I had to do something so I did the only thing I could think of.  He could have,”  She took a deep breath, “It was a bad wound and it was my fault he got it.  I wasn’t willing to do what needed to be done and---”

“There is no shame in finding it hard to kill, those bandits were still people.  Bandits are made not born, but they chose their path, as unfortunate as it is.”

She took a deep breath and her fingers tightened on Solas’ hand, “There is shame in it when it puts those you care for at risk.  The thing is, I need to learn to accept this is how it is.  I’m going to have to do things I don’t like.  I’m going to see things I don’t like and I’m going to have to learn to live with that.”

There was heavy silence for a minute or more before Blackwall said, “Was that your first time seeing someone die?”

“No.  I’ve seen someone die once before.”  She remembered the elf in the Fade and amended, “Twice before.   The first time was a very long time ago and the second time was… unique circumstances.  This time it was… I don’t know, more vivid?  Something.”

“I’d tell you it gets easier but it doesn’t.  Not really.  You learn to live with it.  Learn to do what good you can in order to try and make amends for the lives lost.  If you’re lucky you end up with some kind of balance.”

Her eyes went to him then, “Have you reached that yet?”

“No.  Don’t know that I ever will or have a right to.”  He shook his head and stood, “Nevermind that talk.  I’ll stop disturbing your peace.  If you get hungry there is some bread on the table there,” He gestured further into the cabin.

“You weren’t disturbing me Blackwall but… I wouldn’t mind the peace for a bit.  Though I would like to ask you some about the Grey Wardens when we have a better opportunity.”

He gave a small nod, “I’ll answer what I can, Miss… Ella was it?”

“Yes.”

“Right, Ella.  I’ll leave you be.”

With that he turned and left.  Once the door shut behind him Emma turned her eyes back to Solas, the fingers of her free hand going up to brush his cheek, his brows, and the little scar on his forehead.

She should have let him talk to her.  She should have fought the bandits, not hesitated.  She should have never let anyone hurt him.  Never again.  She’d learn, she’d get stronger, and she’d not be a burden.  She’d tell him the truth as soon as she had the chance.

With a soft kiss to his forehead she whispered, “I’ll do better, I’m sorry.”

Then she let her head come down to rest on his chest.  It was comforting to feel the rise and fall of his breathing, to hear the steady thrum of his heart.  She shut her eyes and let the confirmation that he was alright bring her some peace.  


	62. Preparations

Emma must have fallen asleep at some point, although she could not recall exactly how or when.  Last she remembered, she was staring at Solas’ jawline with her head on his chest.  The sound of his breathing and heartbeat must have eventually lulled her into sleep.  She should probably force herself awake again to avoid any awkwardness that might appear from her sleeping like that, given that they’d never actually made up.

She had ended up in her usual area of the Fade, which was to say, his area of the Fade.  The library she had come to know so well.  

“You are here!”  Sherlock spoke from behind her and she turned to find him grinning, “You met him?”

Her brows furrowed and her eyes shifted as she tried to think, “Met him?”

“Kind.  Warm.  Comfort to those who need it.”  He paused a beat, “Large hat.”

“Ooohhh, Cole.  Yes, sorry a lot happened today.  Is Cole somewhere near now?”

“He doesn’t like coming here much.  He will when he needs to.  To help.  Solas will not be here.  Wisdom wanted you to know.  In time she will meet you, but with him.  Amynta wants you to come to her.  I will take you.”

It took her mind a moment to sort through the rather abrupt changes of topic.  You’d think she’d get used to it by now, but apparently not.  She tried to focus on the most pressing topic first,  “Is Solas alright?”

“Yes.  He needs the deep sleep.  You saved him but it costs.  They will not leave you alone now in either place.”

“What do you---”

“Amynta grows restless.  You have much to learn in a short time.”

She sighed.  It was clear there would be no more information from him on anything else at the moment.  The idea of leaving this area right now wasn’t the most pleasant though.  It reminded her of him.  She felt safe here, it was somehow easier not be so overwhelmed.  After everything it was needed.

“Will she not come here?  There is plenty of space for whatever training she wishes to do.”

Sherlock shifted, “She has not been invited in.  She will not come unless he asks her to.  There is---”  He shook his head as his words abruptly cut off.  “Please come.”

Emma frowned, “She isn’t hurting you is she?”

He tilted his head, “No.  Why?”  

“I… no reason.”  She held out her hand, “Alright, let’s go.”

He took her hand and in a moment she was in a beautiful forest clearing.  A soft breeze rustled through the branches bringing with it the sweet scent of flowers and cedar.  Amynta stood in front of her wearing light armor that was shaded mint green with etchings of gold.  Her silver hair was pulled back in a braid that coiled around the top of her head.

“Savhalla Emma.”

She assumed that meant hello so repeated it, “Savhalla Amynta.  I meant to thank you again for what you did.  If you hadn’t---”

“There is no need child.  Much of it was you and you will get stronger.  Something you may find both a blessing and a curse.”

She looked away, “You know I intend to leave, right?”

“I am aware that is your intent.”

Emma looked up at her again worried, “You don’t think I can?”

“No.  I have faith you could, but much can change, much has already changed from when you first came has it not?”

She bit her lower lip before answering, “Yes, but there are some things that won’t change.  I have responsibilities, obligations to---,”  She swallowed, “Even if I wished it I have little choice.”

“None of us can know for certain what the future will hold.  All we can do is prepare, and that is what I wish to help you with, regardless of what you decide in the end.”  Amynta looked her up and down.  As was the usual case in the Fade, Emma wore something from her world.  Today it was a pair of jeans and an off shoulder sweater.  “May I change you into something more suited to the task at hand?”

Emma nodded, “Of course.”  Then she glanced over to Sherlock shivering slightly at the feeling of the clothing shift on her body, “Will you be helping train too?”

“No.  I don’t like fighting but I’ll watch.”  He looked around for a moment before he spotted a large root and headed over to sit.

Amynta spoke, “That’s better.  I’d like to stop a bit early tonight as well.  You need to establish your own Fade home.”

Emma looked down at the clothing she was in now.  There was a pale green blouse, topped by a darker green corset looking vest thing that was fitted to her and cinched with a belt.  There were also gloves that went up to her elbows and matched the form fitting leggings.  Her feet were left bare the feel of the grass cool between her toes.  

She frowned unsure if she liked how everything felt practically pasted to her skin but she let it go for now.  After all, it wasn’t like anyone would see her here.  Instead she asked, “Isn’t that unnecessary?  Solas’ home is safe and he welcomes me to it.”

Amynta eyes softened for a moment before her face went neutral again, “Precautions, child.  What if you have another fight?  What if something happens to him and you have to be on your own?  Or for some reason you are blocked from it?”

“I---”  Emma shut her mouth.  Amynta was not wrong, although the thought of fighting again, or of losing him for any reason, made her chest ache.

Amynta walked forward and placed a hand on Emma’s shoulder, “What is often forgot, is that to protect others you must first protect yourself.  You must not be completely dependant on anyone but yourself.  Trust, love, and open to others, but be able to take care of yourself should the need arise.  You know I speak truth.”

“Yes, I know but I just thought that I wouldn’t be here for long.”

“You are already here longer than planned and you have had much unexpected happen even in these few months, have you not?”

Few months.  It had really been that long?  Yet, such a short time all things considered.  For everything to have happened that had, it seemed like it was all stuff to be done over a year not just a couple months.  She’d almost died several times, learned magic, and, most unexpected of all, fallen in love.

At that thought Solas came to the forefront of her mind.  She opened herself to the waking world so she could feel him better.  So she could reassure herself more firmly that his heart was still strong and breath still even.

“He is fine.  You would know if he were not.  You are more connected than you even realize.  Now, you need to focus.  We have---”

“I’m sorry for interrupting, but I meant to ask, did you know Solas?  Before I mean.”

For the first time Amynta hesitated.  When she spoke it was slow, the words chosen carefully, “Yes.  A very long time ago, but we have not spoken in many centuries.  It is a long story and one I would rather not discuss especially not now.  As I said, we have much to do in a short time.”

Emma realized she had crossed a line by asking.  The problem was it only made her more curious.  Though there was little she could do if Amynta wouldn’t share, and the spirit had been so kind.  It would feel wrong to try and find out through other means.  She’d wait, perhaps bring it up after they’d established their trust more.

She straightened her shoulders and took a deep breath, “Ok, what first?”

Amynta gave her a wide smile that made her suddenly very nervous about what was in store for her tonight.  “We start with basics, then we’ll work up.”

It turned out the only basic thing about basics was the five or so minutes of getting the starting stance.  After that it was all business.  Business that made Emma starkly aware it was sheer luck that had allowed her to get the upper hand on Solas during their one snowball fight.  It also made the training with Leliana’s people seem like it had been child’s play.

It must have only been a few hours, but it felt like an eternity.  When Amynta ended up on top of Emma for the thousandth time she finally got up and said the most glorious words to Emma’s ears, “That’s enough for tonight.”

She took Amynta’s offered hand and winced at the pain in her muscles, “Thank goodness.  I’m pretty sure I’m half jelly at this point.”

Amynta laughed, “You did well.”

Emma’s eyebrows shot up, “I did well?  I spent 80% of the time on the ground.”

“Hardly that much, and you are learning.  You’re muscles are becoming used to new movements and your body swifter.  You are a good student and you are more than capable.  The main issue is you lack faith in your own abilities.”

Emma gave her rear and experimental rub before wincing again at the soreness that her touch caused, “Couldn’t you just teach me by like a transfer of knowledge, similar to what I did with Sherlock?”

“I could but it would do you little good.  Your muscles must learn also, and that can not be simply transferred.”

She heard rustling and looked over to find Sherlock bouncing lightly on the balls of his feet as he looked between the two.  She smiled at him, “What’s up Sherlock?”

He paused and blinked at her before looking up, “Green, blue, white, leaves and sky.”

“Right.”  She shook her head, “I really need to learn not to use that saying here as much.”

Amynta laughed, “I believe he is excited for the last part of the night.”

Sherlock immediately looked at them again his grin broadening, “Yes, may I come with you Emma?”

“With me?”

“When you make your home.”

She rubbed the back of her neck, “Oh right, I completely forgot.  I’m not even really sure how to do that.”  This would be a great time for a joke about red heels.  Sadly, it would go completely unappreciated with the current audience.  Wasted.

“I confess I am not sure myself.”  Amynta tapped a finger against her chin, “I would assume it is like anything else in the Fade just on a larger scale.  Willpower.  I will keep the area around you clear of other spirits to be safe.”

“I haven’t really seen any.”

Amynta smiled, “Oh they are there.  You attract many as I said, both with good and ill intent.  The wards Solas taught you are strong ones but I would imagine he knew they would only last so long.  We already saw Andruil get through so it will not be long till other strong ones with ill intent make it in as well.  Likely one of the main reasons Solas has mostly kept you tucked away in his home.  Yours will serve much the same purpose, though I will not lie, there may come a day when you need to defend it.  At least until your magic gets closer to full potential and your barriers grow stronger.”

“Oh good, so there is that to look forward to.”

Sherlock spoke up, “You will have help.  We and others---”

“If we can.”  Amynta’s face softened at the look of nervousness on Emma’s face, “I do not say this to frighten you, child.  It is simply that you must be prepared to defend yourself should help not be there.  It is important that you survive.”

“I appreciate that you care so much but you say that as though the world is dependant on it.  I’m not the Inquisitor and when I go home---”

“If you go home.”  Emma frowned but Amynta continued, “Just because it is not yet your story does not mean there are not important things in store for you.  We all have our time.”  She sighed, “Now, morning is already fast approaching.  Focus Emma.”

_ Right.  I’ll just conjure a home then shall I?  Not like it is 50 times the size of clothing or a piano.  No problem. _

Sherlock spoke, “Clothing is much smaller than a piano.”

Amynta chuckled even as she shushed him, “Let her concentrate dear boy.”

She forgot about the whole, hearing her thoughts, thing.  Her bad.  Luckily, Amynta seemed more amused than annoyed.  

Shutting her eyes, Emma took a deep inhale through her nose and out through her mouth.  Then she focused on the word home.  The feelings of a home, warm, comforting, family, and safe.  When she felt the subtle shift of the Fade around her she figured she was on the right path.  She kept focusing on concepts.  Fresh baked cookies, laughter, warm bed, the carpet beneath her toes, fuzzy blankets, and a feeling of peaceful contentment.

When the shifting stopped she slowly opened her eyes, then they went wide as she spun taking in the area around her.  She was in her childhood living room.  It was perfectly replicated from the beige carpets to the picture frames over the fireplace.  Somehow she wasn’t surprised this was the home she conjured.

She was surprised she managed it.  As she stepped her foot fall started out hesitant.  She turned to look into the dining room, the table set with the usual light blue placemats.  Then she went to the kitchen area.  Her fingers reached out to gingerly brush along the cool marble of the breakfast bar, the worn wood of the bar stools.   

With a shuddering breath she turned to go down the hallway.  She passed the half bath on her right, the dining room again on her left.  She paused at the glass doors of the study, opening them to peek in, but then unable to resist stepping inside when she saw the bookshelves were filled.

“I did this?”

Amynta spoke from the doorway with her hands held loosely clasped together in front of her, “Yes.  Your connection to the Fade is a strong one, stronger than I have seen since the veil.”

She went over and pulled out The Chronicles of Narnia, flipping through the pages to find them all filled.  Her fingers trembled, “I don’t understand how any of this is possible.”

“There is much you thought impossible before you came here.”

She slipped the book back in and turned to find Sherlock practically bouncing a hole in the floor.  It lightened her mood considerably and she said, “Feel free to explore Sherlock.  I don’t mind.”

His eyes widened and a huge grin split his face, “Thank you!”

Then he was off back down the hall.  She imagined he had a method of some kind for digging into every nook and cranny.  So long as he was enjoying himself.  For her part the nostalgia was proving a bit overwhelming.

She walked out of the study and started to the stairs.  One foot came up to rest on the bottom step but she couldn’t bring herself to go up.  Upstairs was more of her family.  Their bedrooms.  Their personal space.  Her parents, Tess, and--

Emma shook her head.  “Is that enough for tonight?”

“Yes.”  Amynta tilted her head, “Why here?  It is… painful for you.”

She glanced at Amynta then back up the stairs, “I haven’t been here since,”  She stopped and found she couldn’t say the words, “Well, for a long time, but when I think of it, this was the only place that ever really felt like home.  After everything, nothing was quite as...”  She searched for the words and after a moment gave up with a shrug.

“I’m not sure I understand.  Some emotions are still complicated to me.”

Emma stepped down from the step and a soft laugh came out, “That’s alright.  They’re complicated to me too.”  Then she looked around with her brows furrowed, “Will I have to create this every time?”

“No.  This is your Fade home now.  It will be here for you whenever you want it.”  Her eyes went to the nearby front door, “It has already drawn quite the gathering.  You will be able to allow in those spirits you wish in and keep those you do not out, ideally.”

“Ideally.”  She turned to Amynta, “How will I know what spirits want in?  If they have good or ill intent?”

“Those with good intent will always ask you before they enter.  As for telling if they truly have good intent, that is not something that can be taught.  Some will try to simply break through.  The more clever ones will try to trick you.  You must trust your instincts at all times.”

Something shifted then in the waking world.  She felt Solas wake up and then felt his immediate agitation followed by a brush of his magic before it was pulled back.  

“I need to wake up.”  She called down the hall, “Sherlock stay as long as you like.”  Then speaking in a normal tone to Amynta again she added, “Sorry to leave so suddenly.”

“It’s alright.  I will see you tomorrow, Emma.”

“Till tomorrow.”  

When she opened her eyes she found she was still sitting on the chair with her head resting against Solas.  At some point though he had shifted her carefully to his lap, her head resting on the warmth of his thigh.  She blinked and set up, her eyes doing a quick look over him as he set in the bed.

His eyes shifted from where they had been looking to her for just a moment, his face softened before going back to emotionless, “I am fine, Emma.”

“Now that you’re awake perhaps you can tell me what that is I felt earlier.”  She turned towards the voice so fast she almost fell out of her chair.  Dorian was standing in the cabin looking at her intently, hand on chin as he spoke, “It came from you after all.  I could feel it halfway down the mountain.  Rather impressive really, I’ve never felt the Fade so---”

The door opened with such force it banged against the wood of the wall making Emma wince.  Ivy stormed in, “Do you make a habit of just striding right into people’s home’s?”

Dorian looked aghast, “This is a home?”

Blackwall spoke as he walked in behind Ivy, “It was mine for a while, not that it’s any of your business.  What’s a Tevinter mage doing all the way here?”

Ivy spoke before Dorian could reply, “He is the one who gave us the warning and who will be helping us with Alexius.  This doesn’t mean he shouldn’t show some proper manners.”

Dorian gave a slight bow, “I do apologize.  Your companion here caught my attention,”  His eyes were back on Emma, “Speaking of, what  _ was _ that thing you did?”

Emma felt Solas bristle next to her.  She imagined she was the only one who picked up on it but still, she spoke quickly before the situation got out of hand, “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.  As you could see I was asleep when you walked in.”

“Which is exactly what makes it so interesting.”

Solas moved and stood between her and Dorian with swift grace, “I believe she already answered you.”

Dorian looked from Solas to Emma and then turned to Ivy, “It seems you are a group of people doing very interesting things with no idea how you actually do it.”

Just as Ivy was about to give some reply to Dorian, Cassandra hurried in, “What is going on?”  She eyed Dorian, “When did he get here?”

Dorian smiled and shrugged, “Only a while ago and isn’t this wonderful.  Now almost all of you are here, except that little blonde elf with the arrows.”

From just outside Sera’s voice piped up, “Call me little again and you’ll have a little arrow shoved up your arse.”

“Lovely.”  Dorian clapped his hands together, “Well then, we should talk plans.  There is no time to waste if this is going to work in our favor.” He raised a brow as he looked at Ivy, “That is assuming you have seen that the mages are your best option?”

Ivy squared her shoulders, “We have.”

Emma glanced at Cassandra who showed no surprise.  That must mean that Ivy had spoken with her at some point last night.  A good thing.  Then her eyes shifted to Solas but, of course, he still had his mask carefully in place, his eyes staying focused on Dorian.

“Splendid.  Now how many combat ready recruits do you have?”

Cassandra held up a hand, “Wait.  I am still not sure why we should trust you, much less go with any plans of yours.”

Ivy looked to Cassandra, “Why would he even bother with everything up to this point?  We can’t trust what he claims his motivations are but I believe we can trust that he wishes for Alexius to be stopped.  There would be no reason for him to save us from the trap otherwise.”

Solas shifted then gave a soft sigh, “I must agree with the Herald, though we should obviously keep our guard up.”

“Are we in agreement then?”  Dorian looked to Cassandra who gave a stiff nod, “Good, as I was saying how many useable recruits do you have?”

Emma listened as they went over the plan.  To her it all sounded completely mental.  They were going to be using themselves as bait, acting like they had fallen for Alexius’ trap, while Dorian led a group of recruits in a back way.  If it worked it should go somewhat alright, but if it didn’t, there was little doubt in Emma’s mind it would go very very bad fast.  Still, in the end all she could do was trust.  There was no way she would leave these people she had come to care for so much to face this challenge alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it'll be time to go save us some mages. Woot!
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed the chapter :D


	63. So This A Thing Now

That morning, as they had made their way to meet Magister Alexius, there had been a whole host of scenarios that played in Emma’s head.  The majority were of Ivy as conquering hero so they could all happily return with the mages.  There were a few less pleasant that varied in flavor from being kicked out to having their  _ bodies  _ kicked out and their heads put on display. 

A scenario she had not thought of was one where she was ass deep in water, surrounded by red lyrium, and had two dead bodies floating in the water next to her while Ivy became increasingly agitated and Dorian slowly placed himself so that Emma was between them.  Not that it would do him much good if Ivy really did lose it.  Emma wasn’t an idiot, she would duck.

As odd as her current situation was, the oddest thing was the utter calm she felt.  Even as Dorian made it clear they’d experienced some kind of time jump.  She’d been through so much weird shit in the past months that time magic was basically just like accidently biting into an oatmeal cookie when you expected chocolate chip.  She was displeased, but certainly wasn’t in a panic, especially since she had Ivy and Dorian.  

Besides, Dorian believed he knew how to reverse the spell.  He had helped develop it and seemed fairly confident.  Honestly, the chance of her getting out of this were greater than she’d ever had for her getting back to her world.  If she let panic overtake her it would do nobody any good.

The only regret she had was that she still hadn’t been able to talk to Solas.  There had been no time for it.  When she got back she would speak with him as soon as possible and, if it went as Dorian said, they should get back only a few minutes after they’d been pulled in.  So Solas and the others were not only safe, but would only have to endure a short amount of fear for Ivy and her.

Now she just had to make sure she didn’t get killed before they got back.  

When there was a pause in Dorian and Ivy’s conversation Emma spoke, “We should probably get moving right?  I mean I’d like to get out of this water for one, I think I just felt something brush against my leg.”

Ivy eyed her, “How are you so calm?”

Emma couldn’t help but tease to try and lighten Ivy’s mood a bit, “I think it was just somebody’s bones hitting my leg.”  Emma shrugged.  Ivy snorted and Emma sighed as she answered the actual question, “A lot of weird shit has happened to me, to all of us, these past months.  I mean it could be worse.  We could have been sent to another world or something.”

Dorian started to move towards the prison cell gate, “That’s preposterous.”

“Bet they said the same about time magic.”

“Yes but time is a thing, it exists, you see.  Other worlds do not.”  Emma raised her brows a hint, but of course said nothing.  Dorian reached forward pulling on the bars, “Locked.  I imagine the key will be on one of our friends there.”

“Not it.”

Ivy smirked, “Seriously?   _ This  _ makes you squeamish?  You go around collecting little bits of demon flesh but looking in a dead guy’s pocket is a no go.”  Ivy bent down to presumably look through the guards pockets, instead she lifted the body and brought its arms out starting towards Emma who backed away hands up.  Then Ivy threw her voice making it deeper, “I just want a hug pretty lady.  Give a dead man one last wish.  Let me feel your----”

“Ivy no!”  She tried to sound serious but was laughing even as she kept backing up, “You’re going to get me wet.  Put it down.”

“Oh I’ll get you wet, miss.  Just give me a---”

“No, you sick perv.”

A throat clearing from across the room and both women turned to look at Dorian, “As much as I enjoy a good puppet act, I’d suggest this isn’t the time,”  He paused a beat, “Or a particularly good show.  You might want to work on your act when we get out of this.”

Ivy was still smirking as she started to dig into the corpse’s pockets, “Well now I’m insulted.  Maybe we’ll leave you in here.”

“I’d suggest  _ not _ doing that.”

She found the key and let the body drop with a splash as she headed over to Dorian, Emma trailing behind her.  “Ah yes, I forgot.  We need you to do your magic thingey.”

He took a step back from the gate to allow Ivy to use the key as he said, “Now  _ I’m _ insulted you only want me for my,”  He paused a beat, “‘magic thingey,’ as you put it.”  Emma snorted and his eyes turned to her, “Now that we have all this time for bonding, I don’t suppose you’d want to tell me about what happened this morning.”

Emma fluttered her lashes, “I’ve no idea what you’re referring to.”

He sighed, “I didn’t think you would, but a man has to try, yes.”

Ivy swung the gate open, “Alright, let’s get out of this weird shit hole.”  

As they followed Ivy Dorian asked, “So you are a, apostate?  Is that the term here?”

“I think everyone is an apostate now, technically.”

“Evasion, let me be more specific.  Before this happened were you in the circle or were you considered an apostate?”

“Neither.”

“Neither?”

Somehow she had a feeling Solas wouldn’t be pleased with her sharing like this but she was a big girl.  Something about Dorian made her warm to him almost instantly.  Besides, it wasn’t like she was telling him about being a dreamer or anything like that.

“I only manifested after the Breach.”

His footsteps actually halted, “You… what?”

Ivy spoke up from in front of them, “It was rather glorious actually.  It happened while she was in the bath and only because the very mention of Solas’ name had her lighting my curtains on fire in rage.”  She glanced over her shoulder eyes teasing, “Now he lights a completely different kind of fire, am I right?”  She gave a lewd eyebrow wiggle and Emma sighed shaking her head.

“You’re telling me you’ve only had magic for a few months?” He paused before a gush of words came out,  “But you have more power than some who have been practicing for years, I felt it.  How is that possible?  Do you have a trainer?  Have they figured out some way to expedite your magical growth?  How old are you?  Is it common here to---”

“Andraste’s tits Dorian, make her a damn list so she can keep track.”

Emma glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes, “Or perhaps you have an evil lair you’d like to take me to in order to perform a variety of diabolical experiments.”

“Sadly, I left my evil lair in Tevinter.  Evil lairs are not very travel friendly you know.”

“Pity that.”  

Ivy made a shushing sound, “Do you guys hear that?”

They quieted.  At first Emma heard nothing but the dripping of water on stone, then a whisper of a sound in the air.  A kind of chanting that seemed to be coming from behind a door up a set of stairs.  It was haunting but this whole place was haunting.  If crumbling flooding dungeons wasn’t bad enough when you threw in a shit ton of red lyrium it got a million times worse.  The whole place had a red fog over it that seemed to pulse as though they were in a living thing.  Why  _ not _ throw in some creepy chanting?

Ivy exchanged a glance with Emma who responded with a shrug, “We might as well investigate, with our luck that’s probably the door we need to go through anyways.”

Ivy grinned before turning to go to the door as she spoke, “Undoubtedly the way we need to go.”

The door ended up leading to a cavernous room filled once more with cells.  The one plus was that it wasn’t as overrun with red lyrium.  With any luck this was an indicator that the higher they got the less red lyrium there would be.  

The chanting they had heard came from one of the cells.  Behind it was a young man that Emma recognized as the one who had met them at the gate.  Though his mind was clearly no longer there.  Even as both Ivy and her tried to speak to him he only repeated the same part of the chant over and over again.  

Emma frowned, “What did they do to him?  He isn’t tranquil is he?”

“I don’t think so,”  Ivy shivered visibly, “Let’s keep moving.  The sooner we can get out of this the better.”  She glanced to Dorian as they walked, “Speaking of, any plans you want to share Dorian?”

“I have some thoughts.  They’re lovely thoughts, like little jewels.”

“So that’s a no then.”

“If you want to be crass about it.”

Emma looked at him for the first time a bit weary, “But you helped develop this magic right?  Surely you can figure out a way to reverse it.”

Dorian’s face remained neutral, “I believe I--”

Ivy had opened another door and put her hand up to silence them.  After a moment she gestured back the way they had come with her head.  The group backtracked a bit till she felt they were far enough from the room then she spoke, “There are four of them.  Two on each side of a bridged area.  If we can surprise even one of them we might be able to knock them off.  Otherwise, I’m thinking I rush in and get their attention.  Once they are focused on me you two come in.  Dorian go offensive and Sissy you work on keeping our defense up.”

It should have made her more nervous but she had seen Ivy handle worse than four guards.  Still, she swallowed, “Are you sure?  If something happens to you---”

“Awww it’s sweet you love me so much but I got this, Sissy.”  She cracked her knuckles.  “A few squishies, as Sera calls them, is nothing compared to some of the demon’s we’ve dealt with.”

One of Dorian’s eyebrows hitched, “Squishies?  Why would--- no nevermind, I don’t believe I wish to know.”

Emma mumbled, “Probably the best policy with most things do with Sera.”

Ivy chuckled, “One of the reasons I adore her so.”

“Why did our little blonde elf not come along with your merry band?”

Emma shrugged, “Sera isn’t the biggest fan of anything magic.  All things considering I’m glad for her that she didn’t end up coming.  Even if she hadn’t been pulled in with us, the whole thing would have skeeved her out for weeks.”

Ivy nodded sagely, “Even hearing about it will probably skeeve her out but she’s so pretty when she gets agitated.”

Emma quirked her mouth up to one side, “You think she’s pretty all the time.”

“Fair enough,”  Ivy grinned and cracked her neck, “We ready to do this?”

In the end they were unable to get a start by pushing one of the soldiers of the edge.  It mattered little however as the group managed easily enough.  They followed Ivy’s plan perfectly.  Between her strength, and Dorian’s magic abilities, it only took them a few minutes to dispatch the soldier’s.  When it was done, all that Emma needed to heal was a nick on Dorian’s shoulder.

As Ivy started using a nursing rhyme of some kind to pick what door they should go through, Dorian spoke to Emma, “You’re sure you only manifested recently?”

She shifted as she shot him a glance before looking back at Ivy, “Yes…”

“Your control is impressive and the strength.  Tell me, did you just wake up one morning with that?  One night you went to bed and the next morning,”  He made a gesture with his hands, “Poof borderline spirit healer.”

She startled at him using that term and he caught it, because of course he caught it.  Immediately his full attention was on her, eyes inquisitive like he wanted to peel off her skin to see how she worked.  

“Wait, don’t tell me you’re actually a spirit healer?”

Keeping secrets was exhausting and there seemed to just be more piling up on her.  What would it hurt?  If he stayed with them he would surely find out soon enough anyways.

She mumbled, “Well, it didn’t happen like that exactly.”

“Sissy!”

She looked at Ivy and shrugged, “What he kind of guessed it.”  Ivy gave a disgusted grunt and Emma said, “Ok, now you sound like Cassandra.”

“I do not.”

“Yup there you are again.”

Dorian looked between them, “Wait, can we go back to the whole spirit healer thing for a moment please? I also felt you pulling on the Fade, creating barriers around the enemies while we were fighting to weaken them, you are a rift mage as well are you not?”

“I suppose.  I’ve never really been---”

Ivy was already walking in long agitated strides to her door of choice, “You two can bond over mage crap later, we have shit to do.  Come on.”

There was a snap to her voice Emma had never heard before.  Something had upset her.  It seemed to be something Dorian and her had done but what?  Could she be that annoyed that Emma had fessed up about the healer thing to him? 

Dorian gave her a look and she shrugged in response before picking up her pace to catch up with Ivy.  When Emma was next to her she had to continue to work to keep up with the Ivy’s long strides as she explored the area.

“Ivy…”

“What?”

“Something’s wrong.”

She took a deep breath her violet eyes disappearing behind her long lashes for a moment before she turned away from Emma, “Obviously.  We’ve been transported into, who knows when, by some fucked up time magic.”

“No.” She reached out and put a hand on Ivy’s arm but it was shrugged off, “See that just proved it.  Something is wrong, you’re upset with me.  Tell me.”

Ivy finally stopped and her eyes searched out Dorian who was keeping a respectable distance feigning extreme interest in a lyrium infused carving.  “This isn’t really a good time to talk about this.”

“No but then again we could die any minute.  That’s just fact.  I already left stuff unresolved with Solas and I---”

“There, that’s it.”

“That’s…”  Her brows furrowed, “What’s it?”

Ivy crossed her arms in front of her, “I’m not a mage.”

Emma tilted her head slightly as she looked at Ivy, “Uhm no, is that a problem suddenly?”

“I don’t know.”  Her glare was hard, “You tell me,  _ Emma. _ ”

Her shoulders slumped, “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”  Ivy started gesturing with her hands, “I just thought it would be me you would come clean with first, but you went to Solas first which, I mean, I was upset about sure, but then I told myself I was being an idiot.  Solas is your lover.  You tell lovers shit, yeah?  But now,” Her gestures became bigger swinging towards Dorian, “Now you’ve not even been with him a full day and you're telling  _ Dorian  _ your secrets.  Does he know your real name already?  Is there like some secret mage bond thing I’m never going to be included in!?”

Emma felt heat rising to her face and she reached out a hand, “Ivy, it isn’t---”

“Isn’t what?  Do you not trust me anymore?  Are you…”  She took a deep breath, “You’ve never looked at me as the Herald.  Don’t push me away or put me on a pedestal like the others, please Sissy.”

“Ivy, you’re still my Ivy.  You’ll always be my Ivy.  I do trust you.  The only person I trust as much is Solas.  I just… there wasn’t the right time about my name and it’s--,”  She paused a beat her eyes darting to Dorian, “Well, it’s complicated.  Like really complicated, but I told Dorian about the magic because he can feel it.  He already had an idea and I just didn’t feel like hiding it on top of everything else when it would be revealed eventually regardless.  Plus you, and Solas, you two can’t keep hiding away my secrets for me to protect me.  I have to learn to stand on my own better.”

Ivy’s brows had softened some as Emma spoke but her eyes were still piercing, “Does he know?  All the complicated bits I mean.”

“Yes,”  She took a breath, “I’ll explain it to you too and then maybe you’ll understand why I… well, why I’ve hesitated, but I’ll explain once we get out of this mess.  Ok?”

“Promise?  Pinkie swear it?”

Ivy held up her pinkie and the image of her beautifully muscled skull smashing friend doing something so cutesy made her heart swell a bit as she brightened.  “I swear.”  She wrapped her pinkie around Ivy’s then met her eyes, “I love you, my gorgeous skull crusher.”

Ivy laughed and the pinkie swear turned into an enveloping hug.  A rather painful one given Ivy’s armor but Emma couldn’t bring herself to mind much.  After a moment she was released as Ivy spoke, “That’s the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me and I love you too, Sissy.”  She straightened her shoulders, “Now let’s stop dicking around and get out of this shit hole.”

The continued through the doors which, much to Emma’s dismay, led down into more dungeons.  Just as she was about to suggest they turn around they heard a soft moan coming from one of the back cells.  So far, the place had been free of any prisoners except for the young man they’d found in the first room.  This dungeon was in much worse shape, the red lyrium practically taking over every surface.  How could someone be down here and not go mad from it?

The moment they got to the prison Emma let out a small gasp.  It became hard to get in a full breath and, though her muscles fought her, she edged closer to the cell so she could see better because what she thought she saw surely couldn’t actually be.

Then her voice sounded, a hushed whisper that sounded foreign to her as it echoed around them, “Fiona?”

Pained eyes looked at her through a haze of red.  It  _ was  _ Fiona, there was no doubt about that but she was… her entire body was engulfed in red lyrium.  The only thing still visible was an arm and her head.  This wasn’t possible.  She was no lyrium expert but she was fairly positive it wasn’t supposed to do this.  It seemed to be… merging with her.  How?

Fiona spoke her voice weak but audible because of the acoustics of the stone, “You’re alive.  How?  I saw you disappear into the rift.”

Emma took one half step forward then halted as she felt her stomach roll, “Fiona, what happened to you?”

Fiona gave a soft shuddering sigh, each word she spoke clearly taking great effort, “The longer you’re near it, eventually you become this.  Then they mine your corpse for more.”  

Ivy shuddered, “Well, that’s a new level of fucked up.”

Dorian stepped forward, “What is the year?”

Another shuddering breath, “9:42 Dragon.”

Dorian looked away as he thought, “9:42 Dragon,”  After a beat his eyes came up once more, “We’ve missed an entire year.”

Ivy frowned, “Why do you sound borderline excited?”

“I’m not, but you must admit it is fascinating.”

Before Ivy could reply Fiona spoke, “Please, stop this from happening.  Alexius serves the elder one more powerful than the maker no one challenges him and lives.  You’re spymaster, Leliana is here  Find her quickly before the elder one finds out you’re here.”  On the last word Fiona’s voice stuttered and her head fell forward, her brow pressing against the lyrium covered wall in front of her.

Emma looked from her to Ivy, “Can’t we do something for her?”

Ivy took a deep breath and shook her head, “Best thing we can do is make sure this never happens.  Let’s find Leliana and kill this bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to update so late in the day but hope you enjoyed <3


	64. Though Darkness Closes

All easy banter had been chased away, the fragility of the light playfulness obvious now.  It had been a way of coping with the situation, but there was no way to cope easier with what they had just seen.  Even Dorian was lost in his thoughts.  Hopefully, those little jewels of plans he had spoken of, would get them back to where they should be. 

For Emma’s part, she couldn’t get the image of the red lyrium crawling up Fiona’s body out of her mind.  The woman consumed by the hard unfeeling crystal substance was bad enough.  Add to that the nature of lyrium, and there were few fates she could think of that would be worse.  This had made her think that they couldn’t run into anything worse than that, but she had been so wrong.  

They had crossed back through the area with the bridges and entered the only door available to them.  Much to her dismay, it led them down once more.  Their feet echoing in a strange chorus with the water that seemed to drip down everywhere.  Everything sounded magnified now, the noise making her want to wince as it bombarded her.

Then another sound.  Words spoken in a way that would have been rehearsed sounding if not for the feeling behind them.  Even so, they sounded like something that had been spoken millions of times before.  The voice, one she recognized, even through the thick wood of the dungeon’s door.

There was a brief glance between her and Ivy, a stealing of nerves as they both listened to the words spoken into the unfeeling stone.  

“The lights shall lead her safely through the paths of this world and into the next. For she who trusts in the Maker, fire is her water.”

When they were in front of the bars, Emma saw her on the floor.  Cassandra was sitting cross legged, an oddly childlike gesture from this woman who she had only just begun to know.  Her shoulders were hunched forward, knuckles resting on the cold stone as she recited the words to herself.  She looked exhausted, malnourished, sickly, and she was glowing a hazy red from the lyrium she’d been so exposed to.  Cassandra’s reactions were slowed, so it took a moment for her to look up.

For a beat there was nothing.  Cassandra’s eyes remaining listless.  Then they widened, and she stood walking closer to the bars, “You’ve returned to us.  Can it be?  Has Andraste given us another chance?  Maker forgive me.  I failed you.  I failed everyone.  The end must truly be upon us if the dead return to life.”

Ivy walked up the bars and pulled the guard’s keys from her pocket.  As she worked to find the right one, she spoke in a low voice, “You failed no one Cass and we never died.  We…”  She gave a small shake of her head, unsure how to go on.

Emma spoke, “We went forward in time somehow the magic did something to us.  Dorian is going to go get us back so we can make this right.”

“Dorian is going to  _ try  _ and get you back.”  Dorian spoke from behind her, “As I have said, it could work, or we could end up torn apart along with the fabric of time itself.”

Ivy shot him a glance, “Thank you, Dorian.  That’s helpful.”

It ended up not mattering.  Cassandra had focused only on the parts she found important, ”Go back in time?  Then can you make it so that none of this ever took place?”

The lock clicked.  Ivy swung the door open stepping back, “That’s the plan.  What happened Cass?”

Cassandra took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders, ”Alexius’ master, after you died we could not stop the Elder One from rising.  Empress Celene was murdered, the army that swept in afterwards --- it was a horde of demons.  Nothing stopped them.  Nothing.”

“Horde of demons that sounds---”

“Solas.”  The thought hit her with a suddenness that felt like a punch in the gut.  Her heart beat a wild rhythm in her chest, while her stomach flipped.  On the one hand, it might be better not to know.  To just go back and make it so none of it happened at all, but she had to know.  Her voice cracked once as she spoke, “Is he… what happened to him?”

Cassandra looked at her and gave a soft shake of her head, “I’m unsure.  He was captured along with me, but after I have not seen him again.”

So he could be here then.  Suffering alone and cold in one of these lyrium infested dungeons.  He could be like Fiona.  If he was she didn’t know…

She was turning to flee to the door, “I have to look.  I’ll meet y--”

Ivy spoke, taking quick strides after her, “No you don’t.”

Cassandra followed, “The Herald is right, we’ll all go to find him.”

There was only a half beat where she paused, before the thought of Solas drove her forward again, “But you guys need to…”

“We aren’t going anywhere without you.”  Ivy’s voice was firm, “And if Solas is here we aren’t just leaving him in a dungeon.  Even if we are going to make it so none of this bullshit happened.”

She picked up her pace, “Thank you.”  

It turned out Solas was in the last dungeon they could get to.  At that point, she had begun alternating between worrying that he had died, thinking it would be better, and irrationally hoping that he had somehow escaped after all and was hiding out somewhere safe.

When she did see him, her heart went in her throat.  His back was to them and he was completely still, but she could tell he was in pain.  It was clear in the way he was holding himself, not his usual regal posture but slumped ever so slightly as though a great weight had pushed him down for far too long.  The red haze around him was even stronger than Cassandra’s.

Emma tried to find words, but couldn’t.  Her legs felt weak, knees wobbling as she stared at him.  He must have expected some of Alexius men because, although she knew he would have heard their approach, he still took his time turning.  

The moment he did turn, their eyes locked.  There was a beat where she saw the cold flint of him, the resolve, the acceptance of this fate.  Then he registered her, and his eyes went wide, lips parted.  

“Emma.”

They both moved forward at the same time.  Emma pushing herself against the bars to try and reach him but he halted short.  The stopping of his footsteps taking clear force on his part.  He shook his head and took a half step back.

Her voice came out a pleading whimper, “Solas.”

His eyes caught hers again, sadness and relief warring inside them, “You’re alive.  I--- we saw you die.”

Ivy came next to her and began unlocking the gate.  Dorian spoke from behind them, “We were sent forward in time.”

Solas’ eyes remained locked with Emma even as Ivy swung the gate open, Emma hurried towards him.  He held up both his hands and backed away from her.  “Do not touch me.  The lyrium, I am unsure what it would do to you if you came in contact.”

She halted, but her body still seemed to lean towards him, pleading to touch him, “I can help.  Maybe I can heal you, ease the---”

He shook his head, “I am dying, there is nothing to be done unless,”  He looked up to Dorian now, “Can you reverse the process?”

“I believe so.”

His words came out in a rush, “You could return and obviate the events of the past year.  It may not be too late!  If you can undo this they can all be saved, but you know nothing of this world.  It is far worse than you understand.  This world is an abomination.  It must never come to pass.”  He started past them and spoke as he walked, “We have to go up.  I heard the guards say Alexius barricaded himself in the throne room.”

As she stood there watching him walk away, she felt nauseous, every muscle in her body stiff.  She wanted to hit the walls, cry out, beg some greater being for help.  Beg for him to be saved, and she would do anything.  But there was no greater being.  They would have to be the ones to save him.  Whatever it took, she would.

Even if they reversed all this though, he had still suffered.  Some version of him had suffered horribly at the hands of these bastards.  

She could feel a wash of adrenaline through her body.  For the first time, she wanted a fight.  She wanted to run into as many of these fuckers as possible, so she could kill them all for what they’d done to him, to everyone.

As it turned out, she didn’t have to wait long.  When they came to the area with the bridges another one had been lowered and more guards waited.   She didn’t hesitate.  Immediately she pulled on the Fade, bringing forth a large stone fist that swung towards the unsuspecting group.  It hit two of them sending them flying over the edge of the bridge.  The one it had hit more center was flung so far his body hit the wall with a crack before it fell.

Ivy’s voice was heard through the pounding in her ears, “Sissy?”

With little effort she brought up barriers around her companions, only taking her eyes of the remaining guards long enough to do so.  Then she said, “The others are coming.  Focus on them.”

They fought through the remaining guards.  This time Emma attacked with both offensive and defensive spells.  Once even lighting a man on fire, before using a gust to push the screaming guard over the edge.  

None of it helped.  She was still numb, and Solas was still…

A hand landed on her shoulder, and she startled, pulled away, turned with her staff ready to attack, only to find Ivy with hands up, “It’s done Sissy.  They’re all dead.  Are you---”

“Fine.”  She took a breath and put her staff away, “I’m fine.  Looks like that way leads up.  Let’s go.”

Emma hurried up the steps taking two at a time.  Eventually she heard the others behind her, but by then she was already almost to the door at the top of the steps.  Without waiting, she flung it open prepared to kill who ever lurked on the other side.

Turns out it was a large empty dining area of some sort.  It was mostly covered in cobwebs and scattered remnants of a time when things were normal, including a couple skeletons sitting in chairs as though waiting for their food.  What a fucked up place.

Emma opened another door the the side just as the others were walking up.  This one was just a bedroom with a desk.  Probably some kind of guard captain's quarters, or something.  She shut the door uninterested in anything but finding Alexius so they could reverse all this.

As she turned back to the main room, Solas was standing near watching her with his hands gripped behind his back.  The others were already headed around a corner.  She looked from them back to Solas and frowned.

Before she could say anything he spoke, “We will catch up with them, but you and I need to speak.”

“There isn’t time for---”

“Emma.”  He took a half step towards her, his hand coming out before he caught himself.  

She felt the corners of her eyes sting and her chest clenched.  Everything hurt.  “I can’t bare to see you like this.  I need to fix it.”

“When you,”  He paused and moved his hands behind his back again, shoulders stiff, “When I thought you had... died I was,”  He stopped again, shook his head and took a deep breath, “It made me realize certain things, but as time went on others came to light.”  He walked forward again, this time only stopping a few inches from her, his eyes intent, “Emma whatever I say, whatever happens after this, you must go back to your home.”

She blinked and forced a swallow, “You stopped us here to tell me you want me to---”

“No.  I do not want it.  That is the part of the problem.  Don’t you see, letting you go will…”  A beat as he looked from her, “But you  _ must  _ go, even if I lose my resolve.”

Fuck the lyrium.  Fuck all of this.  She needed to touch him and, more importantly, he needed it.  To him she had been dead for a year.  Even seeing him like this, knowing she had a chance to reverse it, the situation was unbearable.  She couldn’t imagine thinking him dead for good.

She closed the distance between them swiftly.  Before he could react, her hands reached up to his face, and she pulled him down to her.  As her lips met his, she eased on her tip toes so her body could press against him, as she held him firm to her.

He jerked, and managed to pull away from her, just enough to look at her face, “Emma.”  The name was said like a reproach, but then, as his eyes searched her face in almost frantic glances, his brows softened and he spoke again, “Emma.”

This time her name came out pleading, a breath of need against her skin.  She felt him began to tremble beneath her fingertips, and then his mouth found hers, hard and hungry.  She welcomed it with a soft mewl and parting of her lips.  The moment her mouth opened to his, he sought her out with his tongue.  As they tasted each other, his hands gripped her firmly to his body.

He pulled from her mouth only far enough to move his lips to the other parts of her exposed skin.  Between the caress of his kisses, he spoke her name onto her flesh, murmured again and again like a prayer.  She held onto him, fingers digging into the cloth at his shoulders as she let him explore her.

When his lips had caressed every bit of her they could reach, he traced his way back to her mouth.  This time, he brushed feather light against her before he deepened the kiss.  He took it slow, but no less devouring.

By the time he pulled from her, they were both breathing heavy, and he spoke hushed as his thumb traced her jaw, “I am sorry.  What I asked of you that night and what I said in the end, I did not truly---”

“I know.  You don’t need to say it.”

He rested his brow to hers, and breathed her in, “I do and I will again, once you are back where you should be, and all of this has been prevented.  I will tell you that and other things I should have said long before.”

“Solas…”

“I found the poem.  The one you tucked away like a little hidden treasure for me.”  He pulled his brow from hers so he could see her better, and reached forward taking one of her curls between his fingers, “I read it over and over, till it started to become crumpled and stained.  Then I tucked it away safely with a protection spell.  I should thank you, for it was often the only light in an increasingly darkening world.”

She blushed before mumbling, “Had I known that I would have tried to write it neater… and better.”

He chuckled softly, moving to kiss her brow, “It was perfect.  Besides, it would not have been so much of you had the writing been easily legible.”  She snorted and gave him a half hearted shove.  He grabbed her wrist, kissing the palm of her hand before releasing her and taking a step back, “We should join the others.”

Once they had caught up to the group, Leliana had already joined them.  The spymaster had endured torture.  The year was one she wore as though it had been twenty.  She remained unreadable, a determined force of will, even after what she must have been put through.  

Shortly after meeting up with the group, they stumbled into a courtyard.  The sky turned green from the Breach, and multiple demon rifts open that they had to fight through.  This was the fate of the world should Ivy fail.   Ivy would now have these consequences sitting on her shoulders, until Corypheus was stopped for good, and the Breach sealed.

The more they ventured in, the more Emma’s anger flared.  

She was angered that she could feel her lover faltering for the first time she’d known him.  Sometimes, after they finished a fight, he would be so exhausted he would stumble.  She was always near, reaching to him, offering him support for as long as he needed.

She was angry about what had been done to Leliana, Cassandra, and the world as a whole.  Angry at the fact this would likely haunt Ivy’s dreams for months to come.   Angry for Fiona, and all those other bodies who had been consumed by red lyrium, simply so they could be harvested for the power they offered.

They fought and fought.  Through demons and red templars, with seemingly no end in site.  Then, finally, they made it to the throne room.  There they found Alexius.  There they learned that this had all been in some twisted effort to save his son.  A son who was now something far worse than dead, until Leliana gave him mercy with a knife across the throat.

Another Emma would have felt some pity for Alexius.  A father driven by a desperate need to save his son, but when she saw what he had done she couldn’t bring herself to feel anything even close to that.  All she felt was a desire to kill him and fix what he had done.

The fight with him was difficult.  He was powerful, and would put himself behind a shield before calling demons forth.  In the end, they persevered as they always had.  Though every muscle in her body ached, and her head pounded.  They were all drenched in blood, demon and human.  So much blood, she was sure she’d never get it all off her skin.  So much blood, she could even taste it metallic on her tongue.

They had won though.  As much as anyone could win something like this.  Now Dorian would take them back, and everything would be as it should be.  

Nothing was ever so simple.  She should have known that by now.  There were sounds approaching.  The sounds of claws, fire, and clanking armor.  The whole ground seemed to rumble with it.  More coming.  More fighting, but they were all so tired.  She didn’t think they could survive another wave.

Then she watched as Solas and Cassandra exchanged a glance, then a gentle nod to each other.  She knew what it meant even before the words left Cassandra’s mouth, “We will hold the main door for as long as we can.  Once they break through it is all you, Leliana.”

Dread fell heavy in her stomach, and she started forward, “No you can’t just commit suicide like this we…”

Leliana spoke, “Look at us.  We’re already dead.  The only way we live is if this day never comes.”

Emma felt herself trembling.  Her mouth opened, but no words came out.  

Solas walked towards her, brushed his fingers to catch a tear she hadn’t realized had fallen.  Now it was her body that trembled.  “She is right.  You will fix this.  Ma’ melana’i’ma emen usul’ema on’el shasha ar sil elana.  Ar ju’itha ma.  Ar lath ma.”

She didn’t know what any of the elvhen was, but it still was like a wash of warmth trying to penetrate the layers of cold that had fallen over her.  She whispered, pressing her cheek against his fingers, “I love you.”

He gave her a soft smile as he moved his fingers from her face.  Then he turned, and walked out the door with Cassandra.  He looked back once, and the glimpse of fear on his face was enough for Emma to start towards him again.  

A firm hand on her arm stopped her.  She looked back to find Ivy giving her a small shake of the head.  Now she was shaking so badly it was a wonder her legs held her, as Ivy said, “This is the only way.”

Leliana moved from them to stand in front of the door, just as Cassandra and Solas closed it behind them.  “Cast your spell.  You have as much time as I have arrows.”

If anyone spoke again after, she was deaf to it.  Even as she let herself be pulled numbly by Ivy, her eyes never left the door.  She could hear the fighting on the other side.  She could feel his magic as it waned, and then… nothing.

The doors were broken open with a loud crack as their enemies swarmed in.   One snapping Cassandra’s neck.  The other tossing Solas’ body to the side like a rag doll.   There was a wail.  It took her a moment to realize it came from her throat.  Tears burned the corner of her eyes, but then she felt it again.  The smallest hint of life, but fading.

He was going to die out there.  Alone except for the bastards that had killed him.  She glanced quickly at Dorian who was somehow managing to stay focused on his magic.  Ivy must have seen something in her eyes, because she started towards her, but too late.  

Emma focused and fade stepped to him.  A trick she had yet to try, but had watched, and sensed, him do many times before.  It seemed to come naturally to her, and in a moment she had her arms around him.  A demon turned to her, she fade stepped with him, but not soon enough to avoid the burning of claws across her upper arm.

It didn’t matter.  In a flash she was back with Solas where she’d started.  She leaned over him, cradled him to her.  She let her brow touch his, and her hand rest on his chest as he tried to take in breath.

He spoke so she could barely hear, “Emma, you… shouldn’t…”

“Hush.  I couldn’t let you die out there alone.”  

His body stopped trembling beneath her as he let out a shaky breath, the fingers of one hand coming up to weakly brush her cheek before dropping again.  She let her mouth touch lightly to his.  Then she stayed kissing him like that until the rise and fall of his chest stopped.

Everything felt cold and empty.  Her body was aching now, not only from physical exertion, but from her emotional pain also.  She tenderly laid him on the ground, and stood just in time to see Leliana loose one last arrow before she was lifted from the ground.  

Emma made herself watch as Leliana’s throat was clawed open.  She had to remember this.  She couldn’t forget what they had done, even if it never happened.  She couldn’t forget what was at stake.  This was what she fought against.  This was the world she was in now.

Ivy’s hand was firm on her arm, “Now Emma.”  

Then there was a flash of green light.  It pulled her once again, forcing the air from her lungs for a moment before it was gone.  

They were once more in the throne room.  She looked down at her shaking hands and the blood that had covered them so thoroughly was completely gone.  Though she still swore she could feel it there, caked on her knuckles, stuck beneath her fingernails.

She curled her fingers into a fist, and as Ivy confronted Alexius with Dorian, Emma’s eyes searched Solas out.  When they found him, they locked with his, and both of them moved forward.  

No one paid them any mind.  She got close enough to reach up and touch his face.  She had to feel him for herself, to know that he was really here and safe.  Her fingertips ended on the little notched scar on his brow.  They lingered for a moment before she moved to stand beside him.  Her hand went to grip his, fingers twining tightly with his own.

For her part, the proceedings went mostly unregistered.  All she wanted was to touch him.  She needed to feel more of his skin on hers.  She needed nothing between them.  As soon as this was done, she’d find a way to do that.  Even if they had to go into the woods somewhere for it.  She was done waiting.  She needed him with a desperation that was a physical ache.  Her love and respect for Ivy the only thing grounding her and keeping her from pulling him away now.

Both of them had been trembling at first, but now, as they stood there, they began to still together.  She could feel his eyes still on the top of her head as she watched the events unfold in front of her.  The brush of his lips against her hair.  Then he looked to watch as they offered the mages an alliance.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to focus more on the character for this. I'm fairly certain all of you have played the game so it wouldn't have really added anything to the characters, or story, to go into detail with all the various fights. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed :)
> 
> Edit: aaahhhh forgot to add translations again, bad writer. I kinda jumbled the first two together myself so hopefully they are accurate.
> 
> **Ma’ melana’i’ma emen usul’ema on’el shasha ar sil elana. Ar ju’itha ma. Ar lath ma.**
> 
> The first sentences rough translation is essentially: _My time with you has brought me more happiness than I thought possible._
> 
> Then: _I will see you soon. I love you._


	65. *Solas: Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much smut ;)

When she had been swallowed in Alexius’ magic, panic shot through him.  More intense than he had thought was possible.  If something happened to her he…

Why hadn’t he stayed closer to her?  He should have stopped it, or at the very least, been sucked in with her.  He should have been more concerned about the Herald.  She held his magic.  She was the key to his ultimate mission and yet….

All he could think was, if Emma was dead, he would be lost.  Rage started to replace the panic, magic crackling at his fingertips.

Cassandra spoke, “What is this!?  What have you done!?”  

She started to draw her sword, but then, another flash.  The Herald, the Tevinter, and Emma were all thrown out of it.  The relief now was instant and overwhelming.  Then he meet her eyes and he saw a sorrow there that hadn’t been before.  He knew then, whatever the magic had done, it had scarred her.  Even if it was not a scar most could see, he saw it as sure as if she wore it on her skin, and it ran deep.

The world around him fell away and it was only her.  He moved forward till he was in front of her.  He froze as she reached up to touch his face, to solidify him.  Her motions, that of someone waking from a dream, and worried that what they saw was still part of it.  The desperation of her touch indicating she thought he might vanish beneath her fingers.

What had that bastard done?  Anger flared in him again.  His eyes glanced over Emma’s head, just long enough to see the Herald taking Alexius into custody.  

Then Emma had moved to his side.  She took his hand, her fingertips digging into his palm as he looked down at her.  She was watching the proceedings, but he could tell her mind was elsewhere.  

She shifted her hand so they were palm to palm, and their fingers twined tightly together.  Then, she leaned against him so she was pressed to his side.  The way she clung to him, the way she leaned on him like he was her anchor, the whole thing was so intimate and vulnerable.  His chest felt hollowed out.  He leaned down to place a kiss on her head.

This should have been a time of pleasure for him.  The mages were being offered an alliance.  They would be able to help seal the Breach and his plans would continue to move forward.  One step closer to making things right again.  One step closer to her going home.

The last thought brought him anything but pleasure.  He would send her away because he must.  He would send her away because that was how he saved her, but he knew now, he  _ knew _ that it was going to kill him to do it.  To know he would never see her again, never taste her lips, hear her voice, the music of her laughter.  That he would never be able to recreate her perfectly in his memories because there was so much that was dear.  So many little things that made her what she was and, he imagined, he had only begun to know them.  He imagined that, if they were able to spend more time together, he would always be discovering something new to treasure.

So, instead of watching the proceedings in front of him, all he kept thinking was how he needed to stop wasting time.  Now, as soon as this was done, he would have her.  He would give to her everything he could.  He would finally join with her and give himself fully as she gave herself to him.  

The pub here had nice rooms upstairs.  He would speak to the Herald and ask for them to be able to stay behind one night.  He had enough coin for a good room.  A room where he could take his time.  Where he could savor every moan, every caress, and memorize every freckle on her skin.  He could become lost in those freckles, more beautiful than any constellation in the night sky.  Resolved to this, he could already feel his need starting to pulse through his veins.

The whole negotiation process could not end fast enough.  When it finally did end, he wasted no time in bringing his request to the Herald.  She did not show any surprise and immediately gave her approval.  He thought he heard an added mumble along the lines of, it’s about time.

Emma did show surprise at first, her eyes widening just a hint before they softened, and he saw relief flood her face.  That was chased quickly by a visible need in her eyes.  A need that made his grow even more.

It took some measure of control to walk at an easy pace with her to the pub.  All he wanted to do was lift her to him, take her somewhere even closer where they wouldn’t be seen, and then take her.  Hard and deep and thorough till they were both lost in each other.  

That would not do.  This had to be done right.  So, he would be patient.  He would walk with her and then speak with the barkeep about their best room.  He also had the good sense to ask about a bath.  The barkeep said there was a tub in the room.  When they were ready, there was a pull string they could use for water to be brought up.  Solas thanked him, took the room key, and then led her upstairs.

By the time they got to the room, the desire and need surging through him was overwhelming.  A solid thing that was shocking to him in its intensity.  An intensity he had not felt even at the height of his promiscuity.  It was no surprise then that he could not even wait for her to shut the door, like some young impulsive creature he was on her in a moment.  

His lips found hers, crashing into her hungry and sloppy.  When he groaned into her mouth, it was a sound more akin to a wild animal than a man, but still she opened to him.  She returned his kiss with her own need, and he was lost in her.  

Anything that remained of the small nagging doubt in the back of his mind, the voice that told him he did not deserve this, after what he did to have this was beyond him; that voice was vanquished in her kiss.  If he stopped now he would surely perish, such was the extent of his need for her.  His need to be joined to her.

Even so, it was going too fast.  He needed to savor her.  It was essential that he take his time and memorize everything.  Every touch of her soft skin.  Every sigh.  Every moan.  Every scream of his name.  Every second that he was inside of her.  

Her hands that had been exploring him, now moved to his belt.  He wanted to reach up and tear her clothing right off her, exposing the soft flesh of her body, before pushing her against the wall and sheathing himself deep inside her.  

That would be far too fast.  So, he forced himself to calm, to think, to slow.

Somehow, he found the strength to pull away, not much; he could still feel the hint of her mouth against his as he whispered her name like a prayer, “Emma.”

_ Emma.  Mine. _  And she was.  She was his.  Now and forever.  He would make sure she knew that tonight, knew it many times over.

She must have thought he was trying to stop her completely because she let out a whimper that made his heart clench.  When she spoke, he could feel her lips move against his, the breath of her words caressing the sensitive flesh, “Please Solas, don’t.  I have to feel your skin.  I have to---”

The words, and the desire in them, made him almost lose himself.  His hand tightened at the back of her head, the lust that arched through him was enough to make him lightheaded.  Still, he needed to go slow and she needed to know first.  She had to know the truth.  

He pulled away more now, far enough that he could look her in the eyes when he said, “I am sorry.”   _ Sorry for what I said.  Sorry for all I must keep from you.  Sorry for everything I have done and will do.  I am sorry I am not the man you believe me to be.  I will try.  Try to be more. _

Pain crossed her eyes and they glinted with the start of tears.  It was utterly devastating.  He felt his fingers clench against her once again, but now from his hate that she hurt, that she had to go through all this, instead of from lust.  

“I saw you…  you…”

He knew.  He knew because he had thought the same of her when she had disappeared with the Herald.  The truth of it was, when they had reappeared, he had been a mere moment from revealing his true self.  One pounding heart beat from tearing the whole castle down in his anger and desperation and pain.  So much pain.  Nothing had mattered anymore.  

Now.  She needed to know now.  “Ar lath ma, vhenan.”  He placed his brow to hers, “I love you, my heart.  With all I am, I love you.”

He felt her hands clench, gripping the fabric of his tunic as a rush of air escaped her lips.  Part of him still feared that she did not feel the same.  Even after knowing she was his spirit mate.  Even after everything because he was… him and she was so very soft and warm and kind.  Everything he wished the world was wrapped into one, tiny being.  She fixed and he broke.  How could she---

“I love you too.”

The words were said with such reverence.   They swept over him like a wave, drowning him in disbelief and… hope.  How long had it been since he had felt actual hope?

He pulled away once more, his eyes taking in every inch of her face before settling on the deep ocean of her eyes.  When he spoke, his voice was barely a whisper, “Please, say it again.”

“I love you, Solas.”

He saw the truth of it in her eyes and he felt like someone actually saw him for the first time in centuries.  Truly saw him.  Not only saw him but desired him.   _ Loved  _ him.

He took a deep shuddering breath to still the shaking that threatened to overcome him.  Then he moved his head to nuzzle against her neck.  He felt her pulse beating quick against his mouth as he whispered his greatest fear into the warm silk of her skin,  “Emma.  My Emma.  How am I going to let you go?”

He needed her now.  To wrap himself in her and forget the world outside existed, for everything to dissolve but their bodies twined together.  Nothing else mattered.  

His lips found hers once more, this time slower, but no less hungry.  When his tongue came out to taste her upper lip, she opened to him instantly, her tongue finding his.  As they tasted of each other, he let his hands go down to find her belt, making quick work of it before he traced his hands up the perfect curves of her waist.  When he got to her shoulders, he pushed his hands underneath the first layer of her clothing.  He slid the fabric off her letting it pool on the ground.  

As soon as the fabric left her arms, her hands found the bottom of his tunic, and she started to pull it up.  Only then did he break the kiss to look at her for a beat.  The love and need in her eyes stealing the air from his lungs.

His hands reached up to pull off his necklace, the reminder of his duty, a symbol of who he was as Fen’harel.  Something he swore he would never remove, but tonight… tonight he wanted to be Solas.  Only Solas.  Hers.  Not the People’s.  Not of the gods.  He wanted to be hers and hers alone.

He let the jawbone fall to the floor, followed quickly by his tunic.  Then his hands found her waist, and he walked backwards, guiding her to the bed behind them.  He removed his hands from her only long enough to pull off his undershirt, the cool air of the room in stark contrast to the heat emanating from his skin.  

Emma’s eyes were intent on him as her fingers came up to his shoulders.  This time, her touch was exploratory, slow, almost teasing.  He forced himself to stay completely still, even as lust hit him so strongly he physically ached from it.  

When her fingers brushed across his nipples, he could not suppress the shiver, and another when her fingers made their way to the top of his leggings.  So close to where he throbbed for her; throbbed with such need that the pants were painful against him.

“You’re so perfect Solas.  How can anyone be so perfect?”

He felt himself heat even more from her statement.  He could not deny that was how she saw him.  It was clear in her tone, in the way her eyes looked at him, like she wished to both devour and worship him.  He knew he looked at her the same way.

“I--”

“I want to see you completely.”

It was a demand.  One that, once again, made him close to losing all control.  He was so close to ripping off what remained of her clothing.  The bed was directly behind him.  He could have her bent over it and be inside of her in less than a minute.  

_ No.  Savor it.  You do not know when you will have another chance.  Think.  Enjoy.  Do not rush.  Control.  You are not an animal. _

When her hands finally pulled down his pants, and released his member, he actually let out a sigh from the relief of it.  The cool air against him, and the lack of fabric pressing tight against his erection, making his cock twitch before he bent to make quick work of his foot wrappings.  

Before he had even fully straightened, he heard her intake of breath, and his eyes went to her face, examining her expression.  Her full lips were parted slightly as she looked at him.  The skin on her cheeks flush with her desire for him.  It was completely overwhelming.  Never had he felt so exposed.  Never had he felt so accepted, so loved.

“Solas.”  

His name said with reverence as she reached for him, once again, as though he might vanish beneath her fingertips.  He swallowed, though his throat felt constricted, his pulse beating a quick rhythm against his skin.

He groaned when she began her exploration of him below the waist.  Her hands caressing along his hips and rear.  She licked her lips and all he could think of was the taste of her in his mouth.  How he wanted it to be his tongue licking that mouth, tasting those lips swollen with her desire.

Then her fingers touched featherlight against his erection.  He let out a loud hiss as all thoughts fled his mind.  Her mouth found his neck as her fingers wrapped around him, the soft flesh of her hand in stark contrast to his hardness.  She stroked him, slow and easy, as her mouth tasted along his skin.  His head fell back and eyes shut as he worked to control himself.

Then her mouth found his nipple and he let out a loud, animalistic moan.  His hands went to her undershirt.  How easy it would be to tear the fabric off of her, but he managed to still himself.  Though, the effort made him shake.

“Emma.”  Her name, like the sweetest wine on his lips.  

If he did not stop her, he would not be able to continue.  If he did not stop her, he would either lose his seed on her hand, or bend her over the bed and take her with no ceremony, hard and fast, till she was screaming his name.

He gripped her wrist, careful not to put too much strength in it lest he hurt her, as he managed to growl out, “You.  Now you.”

With as gentle a touch as he could manage in his current state, he removed her hand before putting space between them as he set on the edge of the bed.  He watched her undress for him without hesitation, lust pulsing through his body, as his eyes took in each inch of new skin revealed to him.

Finally, all that was left was her shirt, but he saw her hesitation, her lowered gaze, and the deepening blush on her cheeks.  Did she not know that she was so perfect it was painful?

“Please, ma vhenan.  Let me see you.”

He saw her throat work even as she removed the shirt slowly and let it fall to the floor.  Then she was in front of him, completely exposed, so gorgeous, and achingly vulnerable.  She fidgeted, but forced her arms to remain at her sides.  Something he needed to reward her for later.

Never had he seen anything so glorious.  He forgot how to breathe for a moment as his eyes roamed her body, trying to memorize every inch of her.  The sun from the window lending her body a soft glow.  

“You are so beautiful.”

Their eyes met and he watched as the lingering doubt in hers fled.  He needed to show her what she did to him, needed to show her what she was to him.  He needed to make her lose her mind to him completely.  He needed to possess her as she so thoroughly possessed him.  

She spoke, “I love you so much, you know that?”

The words made his heart stutter, and swell, to the point that he was sure his chest could no longer contain the emotions that swirled in him.  He needed release, release in her.  Hard and hot and complete.  To fill her to the brim with him.

“And I love you, my heart.  My light.”  He held his hand to her, “Come here, my beautiful Emma.”

She moved to stand between his legs, and his hands found hers.  His fingers tracing along the back of hers, remembering how perfectly they fit with his, even though his hands were so much larger.  Then his fingers traced a line up her arms, feeling the smooth heat of her beneath their tips.  

As his fingers explored, his eyes followed, intent on taking in every detail.  Every freckle.  Every curve.  Every inch of skin.  He needed to memorize it all, needed to be able to pull up a perfect replica of it in his mind.  Never could he forget any of this.

He heard her breathing become ragged, felt her panting when his hands brushed over her breasts, the quick little rise and fall of her chest.  His hands traced between her breasts, following under the curves and going towards her stomach.

“Had you discovered yet that emma is mine in Elvhen?  In truth, it was one of the reasons I took so much pleasure in calling you by your real name.  Emma lath.”  

When she spoke, her voice was husky with her desire, and he felt himself throb, “Truly?  It is fitting then.”

He looked up at her, smiling at the love and lust he saw in her eyes.  The easy acceptance at his possessiveness of her.  Never had he wished to possess, and be possessed, but with her he desired it so much it was a physical thing inside of him.  

“Yes, also the reason I do not wish for anyone else to call you that.  You are mine.”

He stood, and brought one of his hands to the back of her head to unravel her curls.  That glorious satin needed to be down, to cascade along her back and shoulders.  He needed to feel it on his skin, against his chest when she was finally riding him.  It would not do to have it up, contained.  It would not do to have any of her contained.

She was his.  Every inch of her, and he wanted her to know it.  He bent his head, even as his hand worked her hair lose.  He brought his mouth to hers, stopping just short of kissing her, as he let his tongue flick out to taste her lips before whispering against her, “Ma av’in.”

Finally, her hair was released, the unruly curls falling like a waterfall down her back.  His fingers ran through the strands, feeling the softness of them between his fingertips as he whispered, “Ma dhula.”

He let his other hand find its way to her back, and his fingers traced the curve of her spine, light and teasing.  His mouth moved from hers to find her ear, nipping as he said, “Ma uren.”  

Then his mouth traced along her jaw, tasting the heat and salt of her skin, as he continued speaking, “Ma sal’lavin.”  

She groaned, shivered, and then tried to rub herself against him.  Her hands searching for his flesh.  So eager his vhenan, he knew she was wet with desire.  He could  _ smell  _ it, the intoxicating scent of her need.  He wanted to inhale her, to devour her whole, but right now he needed to do this.  Needed to take his time with it.  

In a flash, he had her hands behind her back, holding her wrists with one hand as he tutted, “Patience, ma vhenan.  I intend to worship you, to take my time, and you will let me.  You can not know how long I have waited for you and not even known it.  Not even known that this could be.”  He nipped her jaw speaking against her skin, “You are mine and I am yours.  I intend to give you so much intense pleasure that it erases everyone who has touched you before me.  That it will be only my fingers you feel on your skin.  My cock you feel buried deep inside of you, filling you till you scream my name in ecstasy.”

He felt her tremble and smiled against her skin as he moved to her neck.  The quick pulse of her heart beneath his lips as he said, “Ma muin.”  

Then he bit her.  Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to mark.  When he was satisfied, he sucked and then licked the spot, soothing the skin there.

She writhed against him and released a mewl that tangled with his name on her lips, “Solas…”

He throbbed again and his knees shook.  He released her wrists, and set back on the bed, pulling her between his legs once more.  It put him at the perfect height for his mouth to find the flesh of her breasts.  He kissed her, nipped lightly at her nipple before flicking the hard bud with his tongue as she let out a long, breathy moan in response.

She was going to kill him and he would gladly let her a thousand times over.

He managed to pull his mouth from her long enough to say, “Ma duinelanan.”

Then he pulled her closer to him as his one hand traced down the curve of her waist.  He moved his mouth to her other breast.  His hand went from her waist around to her ass.  He spanked her, feeling the tingle of the impact on his palm.  She startled in his arms, with an adorable little squeak, that turned to a lust filled moan.  He could not help the chuckle that escaped at her reaction, even as lust pulsated through his own veins.

_ Such a little vixen, ma vhenan is. _

He let his hand squeeze the supple flesh of her ass, reveling in the taut roundness of it in his hand, “Ma masa.”

Then he pulled back from her more, so he could look up at her face, because he needed to see her reaction for this.  He needed to drink it, because he was so drunk on her already, but still he needed more.  Always more.

His hand trailed a path up her inner thigh and to her core.  He had expected her to be wet for him, he could smell it, see her desire in the flush of her skin, hear it in the sounds she made, but she was not only wet.  She was  _ dripping _ .  She was drenched for him, overflowing with her desire for him, to the point it made him growl with his pleasure at the discovery.

He let one finger slide into her heat, feeling her tremble around him as her muscle clenched involuntarily around his finger.  When he spoke, it was more growl than word, “Ma blardhea.”

With one more caress along her insides, he let his finger slip out of her, bringing it up so he could see her need on his skin.  He let out an even louder growl of approval as he said, “Ma haurasha.”  

Then he put the finger in his mouth, tasting the sweet tanginess of her on his skin.  His mind swam, the lust making him dizzy.  She was intoxicating.  If he could he would spend an eternity tasting her.

Suddenly, her hand was gripping his, and she moved him between her legs.  She forced his palm against her heat, as she had the other night, and started to rub herself against him.  

A strangled noise escaped his throat as he pushed out, “Emma.”  The name a plea on his lips.  

He took her demand and gave her what she wished.  His fingers searching, caressing, as he watched her reactions.  He found the places that made her gasp with pleasure, stroking and teasing.  Her hands went to his shoulders, nails digging in as he felt her crumbling from her desire.  She arched at his touch, breasts pushed towards him, and her stomach muscles taut with her need.

Then her hands were pushing him back on the bed and she was lifting her leg to rest it next to his thigh.  He could wait no longer, and he acquiesced, moving back and adjusting himself so she could straddle him.  There was one last caress of her clit before he forced one hand back to grip the covers, as the other one found the flesh of her breast.

She gripped his shoulders again, and lowered herself till he could feel her heat against his tip.  The hand that gripped the sheets tightened.  Then she lowered herself so he could feel her entrance pressed against him, feel her wetness starting to run down his length.  As she rubbed herself against him, spots danced in his vision, and he felt himself twitch.  He took deep breaths, forcing himself to remain still.

Then she started to move onto him.  The feeling when he first pushed into her, made sounds escape his throat that were pained and animalistic.  She was definitely going to kill him.  No one could take this kind of pleasure.  She was so hot, so tight around him.  He could feel her stretching to accommodate him, feel every ridge and muscle of her insides, as she lowered herself slowly onto him.

When she had lowered herself completely on him, her muscles clenched around him and he could not help but jerk in reaction.  The feel of her squeezing him so intense, that he momentarily lost all control of his body.  

She squealed, and her fingernails dug into him harder.  He had a moment of panic and tensed, terrified that he had hurt her.  His hand left her breast to cup her cheek as he somehow managed to get words out, “Did I hurt you?”

“Not at all.”  The relief that went through him was immense, the tension releasing from him in less than a beat as she continued, “It is so good, so so good.  Amazing really, you are beyond words.  I---”

He startled, and began to panic once more, when tears started to appear in her eyes.  She shook against him.  He let his thumb brush the tears from her cheek, “Emma.  Ma vhenan.  Are you sure you are---”

“I’m crying because…”  He heard her swallow, then continue, “I’ve never felt this intensely for anyone and…”  Her eyes met his, “I don’t want this to end, Solas.  Please.  Please I--”

It hurt.  Mind numbingly so.  It hurt but it was so very good.  Though he was the one buried inside her, there was so much of her in him that he was overwhelmed.  Never, in all his centuries, had it felt this good.  He had taken many women, and not one had been this intense, this intimate, this  _ consuming. _

He had waited so long for her.  Centuries without even knowing it.  All that time without her, and now the time with her would be but a drop in the ocean that was his life.  A drop he would take and savor like a man dying of thirst.

She would not leave him now.  Not tonight.  Not tomorrow.  He had a few days with her at least.  

He swore, here and now, that until that time came, he would love her with every fiber of his being.  He would cherish every sigh, every kiss, every word, and every single tiny moment with her.  When this was done, when she left as she must, he would at least have her know it was real.  What he did, what he felt, it was all real.  He needed her to know that.

His body shook now with hers, the intensity of his longing was begging for release, he could not wait anymore.  He needed this.   _ She  _ needed this.

Unable to hold back anymore, he rocked his hips, letting out a groan of pleasure even as she sobbed hers next to his ear.  Then she was moving on him, and it was more incredible than he could have imagined.  The feel of her moving along his length, as her body moved off him and then took him in again, made his vision spot.

Her head fell back and she increased her pace, breath coming out in little pants of desire, as her body took him.  They fit like two puzzle pieces.  This was home.  This was where he was meant to be all along.  Buried in her heat, lost in her moans, inhaling her scent.

“Vhenan.”  His voice was guttural.  A husky pant of air against her skin, “You are--- hnngg you are going to kill me from the pleasure of being inside you.  I have never---”  His words were swallowed by desire.

She leaned forward and those silken curls brushed against his skin.  His fingers went to grip her hips, as his mouth found her breast once more.  Sucking, licking, and tasting her.  He wanted to drown in her.

 _More.  Fuck, he needed more of her.  Deeper.  Harder. Faster._   

He tried to thrust against her, but could not get a good rhythm from this position.  With a growl he gripped her hard and removed her from his length.  The air against his hot, now soaked, member felt wrong after being inside her.  He felt empty, incomplete.

With more force than he would have normally used, he had her thrown on her back on the bed.  She growled her protest, her obvious lust for him making him lose what tiny control he had left.  As he released his own growl, he sheathed himself into her, hard and completely, filling her as she stretched around him once more.

She arched, and her muscles squeezed him so he had to take a shaky breath not to lose himself inside her right then.  He needed her pleasure first.  Before he would release his seed, he would see her undone by him.

He remained inside her as he set back on his legs, his hands went under her thighs, angling her so he could thrust into her more completely.  He finally said to her what he had dreamed of doing for so very long, “ Nuvenan rosa’da’din in ma sule enan’ma.”

She released a breathy giggle that made his heart thud, “Will you…” She panted as he moved slowly out of her, “Tell me now what…”  Just as his tip was about to leave her, he pushed in again with an upward motion, “Fuck, Solas.”

_ Yes, ma vhenan.  I will make you say that many more times before this night is over. _

He managed to smile down at her, “I want to cum inside of you till I spill out of you.”

She shivered around him at his words and he no longer wished to talk.  He needed to move in her.  

“That’s--”  

Whatever she was going to say was cut off, as he began moving with deep, careful thrusts.  She babbled about how good he was.  Praise for how he filled her, his name whispered moans escaping her lips.  

He picked up the pace, still working to keep a measured control, so as not to lose himself before her.  When he did speed, she arched, her hands digging into the sheets, and her breasts moving with each thrust.  

She was the most glorious sight he had ever seen.

He lifted her leg for better access, placing her ankle against his shoulder, as he held the leg against his chest with one arm.  He watched her intently, memorizing every movement of her mouth, how she was flush with her pleasure, the way her brows furrowed and nose wrinkled, all the little expressions she made with each thrust of him inside of her.  Every time he filled her, she would shiver, and her mouth would make this beautiful O.

Still, he could tell she was fighting it.  He could tell she was holding back from letting herself peak and unravel around him.  It would not do.  He could not hold out much longer.  She was too hot around him, too tight, too wet, too perfect.  

He reached between them and his fingers found her clit, teasing her, “Come for me, ma vhenan.  Stop holding back.”

She managed to pant out, “I’m...not holding---”

He pinched her clit, rolling the sensitive nub between his fingers, before she could finish her lie.  Then he increased his pace.

She moaned, shivered, before crying out, “Yes.  There Solas there.  More.”

He tilted her hips higher and pushed into her with a punishing force, the wet sounds of him moving in her mixing with their moans.  He was buried all the way to the hilt, and it made his vision blur from the amount of lust surging through him.  

Somehow, he managed to growl out, “Stubborn.”  To let her know he knew she had lied.  Then he started to move in deep rolling thrusts burying himself completely again and again.  

He forced his vision to focus on her face and demanded, “Look at me, ma vhenan.”

She did, and when her eyes met his, the impact of it was electric.  It took all his willpower not to release himself inside her right then.  Instead, he pulled almost all the way out before pushing into her all the way again .  At the same moment, he released more of his magic.   He let it mingle with hers, working hard to fight letting it go completely as all his nerve endings light up from the feel of the connection.

Finally, she let herself go.  She screamed his name, anguished from the intensity of her orgasm, and so loud he had little doubt that everyone within Redcliffe had heard it.  Then her entire body spasmed around him, so fiercely that he had to grip her leg against him hard, lest she accidently kick him in the jaw.

She clenched around him so tightly he lost all sense.  There was only her.  The sounds she made.  Her insides holding to him, squeezing the very life from him, and he welcomed it.  All of it.  

The pressure built to a boiling point in his body, it overwhelmed all his senses as his hips bucked, thrusting deep inside of her.  It was more intense than any he'd ever had.  He found he was desperate for it to stop and to continue forever.

With one last deep, rolling thrust, he cried out her name as he released inside her.  It felt like he was passing the core of himself into her, sharing his energy with her in the most vulnerable way possible.  He was lost to her, utterly and completely, uncaring what happened so long as he was joined with her like this.  So long as he could release himself to her.

As the last of it spilled into her, his whole body went numb and he collapsed over her.  He just managed enough sense to catch himself before his full weight landed on her.  Her hand came up to cradle his cheek as he shook with the remnants of his release.

When his body calmed, he opened his eyes to find her looking at him with such love that he felt his heart might stop right then and there from the force of it.  Then her arms were wrapping around him, pulling him into her once again, enveloping him in the safe cocoon that was her heat.

He smiled down at her and moved his hands to her waist.  He rolled her so that she was on top of him without him leaving the wet warmth of her body.  Her mouth found his jaw, then his chest, before she rested her cheek against him.

His hand went to her back, and he released some of his magic against her skin, hoping to ease any lingering soreness she might feel.  He could not help himself.  He wanted, no needed, her again.  Though he would not take her if it would be painful to her, but he needed, needed so very badly.  

“Vhenan?”

“Yes, dearheart?”

The endearment, used so easily in this moment, caused his breath to hitch before he said, “I need more.”

She eased up to look at him, and he saw the surprise in her eyes.  Briefly, he wondered if she had never been with a man who took her more than once in a night.  He could not imagine not wanting to with her.  She was so---

Then she was moving on him with an experimental roll of her hips, and his thoughts were lost to him.  He watched the surprise in her eyes change to desire as her cheeks flushed.  She moved along his length more, her clit rubbing against him with each rock of her hips.  

_ Not too sore, perfect. _

When she gave a particularly deep roll, he let out a strangled moan, and his hands went to her hips.

She spoke, and it took a moment for her words to register, “How long has it been?”

He managed a sound that was more moan than word.  A pleading strangled sound for her to not stop, never stop, “Centuries.”

She bent her head to him and took his lower lip gently between her teeth.  She nipped, then released, and licked the spot with her tongue.  “We’ve a lot to make up for then in a short time.  Don’t hold back, my love.  I’m not going to break.”

So he took her again, this time ending it by taking her from behind.  She met him thrust for thrust, and he reached forward playing with her clit till she orgasmed around him again and again, until he cried out her name.  His hips stuttering, then slamming into her, as he once more filled her with his cum.  

Then again with her in his lap.  His hand tangled in her hair as they rocked against each other.  Their bodies pressed tight to each other, slick skin rubbing together, stimulating each other more with each movement.  Their eyes locked as they both peaked.  

Even then he wanted more.  He wanted to take her over and over, but he felt her exhaustion.  He knew that she would already be sore tomorrow.  She would adjust to him, and they would share their passion till the moment she had to leave.  For her sake, he would be content with what he had been given tonight.

More than content.  She had been amazing.  Perfect.  More than he could have ever dreamed, even in his lustiest thoughts.  

Now she was resting against him, their limbs tangled together as he drew small circles on her back and played with her curls.  He marveled at her.  The way the moonlight gleamed on her hair and sweat slicked skin.  The way she made him feel more deeply than he ever had, even with the simplest things.

Marveled that she had chosen to welcome him and give herself in return.  

His love.  His treasure.  His heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to be home much at all on Tuesday, so I went ahead and posted today.
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed and it made up a bit for the feels slap I gave you in the last chapter :P


	66. *Stolen Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a small mildly **NSFW** bit but this chapter is mostly after sex fluff.
> 
> I did an art thing for it if anyone is interested, right now it is just a sketch. When I have the time to paint it I'll update it here, but for now just have a sketch of some [Emma and Solas cuddles.](http://love-in-nature.tumblr.com/post/157965139946/current-project-still-in-the-early-rough-sketch)

Emma tried to recall a time when she had felt this full, this happy, but nothing came to her mind no matter how she dug.  Eventually, she gave up and just buried herself in it.  Neither of them slept, they simply were.  

Solas had her tucked against his chest.  The heady scent of him, mixed with their sex, filling her nostrils with each breath she took.  His head was turned to her, lips resting soft to her forehead, nose pressed to her skin.  He had one arm under her, the long limb weaving through her curls to wrap around her head where his fingers played at her locks.  His other arm was wrapped around her side, hand large and warm on her back as he held her tight to him.

She had one arm resting between them on the bed, the other was bent so that her hand could be on his chest, fingers against his jaw.  She let her fingers trace little circles along his skin.  Let herself try and memorize the strong unique line of his jawbone with her fingertip.  Then she moved her hand to his shoulder, making lines between the dusting of freckles that he had there.

Time was lost to her then.  All she knew, was that she could easily stay like this forever.  Even if the world were to burn around them.

Solas inhaled deep, then he shifted.  She let out a little whimper of protest as he started to separate himself from her and he chuckled, came back to her.  His lips brushing along her jaw, her cheek, her forehead, each eye, down to the tip of her nose, and finally feather soft on her mouth.

“I have no intention of leaving you, vhenan.  I am only going to pick up our clothing and summon a bath.”

A resigned sigh left her lips but she shifted to allow him to leave the bed.  “I think I’d rather just stay in bed.”

She watched him as he stood and began to move about the room.  The moon was bright tonight so she could see him clearly.  Every perfect, glorious inch of him.  He was so beautiful.  Tall and all coiled strength.  The broad shoulders that were so perfect to hold to,  every muscle of his back perfectly formed, petering down to the slender waist, and those thighs… they were the thing that inspired great paintings, muse of gods.  

He bent to pick up the discarded clothing.  The movement accentuating the muscles and putting his rear front and center.  She’d never seen such a stunning ass in her life.  Never had she thought she’d be so in awe of someone’s ass, but here she was.  Eyes drinking him in like she was dying of thirst and he was a tall glass of water.

Solas straightened, turned, and his eyes caught hers.  At her expression, that slow teasing smile formed on his lips, “It seems you do not mind me up as much anymore.”

She hummed in the back of her throat, “I haven’t decided.  Bend over again so I can be sure.”

He laughed, rich and deep.  The sound made her heart swell, filled her senses and made her flush.  He was relaxed, truly comfortable, and it was better than she had imagined.  She wanted to hold this moment, cradle it to her and cherish it.  Never let it go.

Solas set the clothing on the edge of the bed and made quick work of folding all but his leggings.  Then he moved it to sit the folded items on the night stand, long fingers reaching to let the wolf jaw he wore drop on top of them.  Then he pulled on his leggings and went over to the other side of the room.

While he went to go tug on the rope that would let the staff know they wanted a bath, Emma’s eyes went to the wolf jaw.  She propped herself on her elbow, not caring as the blankets slid down to the curve of her waist leaving her top exposed.  

She reached out, her fingers running along the smooth bone before she gingerly lifted it up to her face.  It was a curious thing for him to wear all the time.  Odd, now that she thought of it, that so much wolf imagery seemed to be there with him, between them.  She hadn’t even noted the coincidence when she had initially started calling him her wolf.  

Just as she was running her thumb along the teeth, his hand came to rest below hers.  The bed dipped as he set on the edge.  Then his fingers were closing around her hand and the jawbone, sealing both in his palm.

Her eyes went up to him and she saw his gaze going distant as he looked at their hands around his necklace.  She reached up, brushing her finger along his jaw, “Dearheart?”

His eyes snapped to hers, she saw them focus once more, some distant sadness replaced with contentedness, “Vhenan.”

Then she blurted out, “Why a wolf jaw?”

He opened his hand and then carefully removed the jawbone from her palm, turning to place it back on the nightstand, “A remnant, an artifact, it is not important right now.”  

His attention came back to her.  He still held her hand face up in one of his, his other came up, finger tracing her wrist, the lines of her palm.  The teasing quality of his touch sending shivers along her spine.  

Her mind went back to the sex they had shared.  The sensations he had brought her.  How he had taken her to places she had never been before.  This was the first time too.  It wasn’t even supposed to be that great the first time with a new partner.  Much less be… well… it had been the most intense sex of her life to put it mildly.

She spoke her thoughts out loud, “It wasn’t supposed to be like that.”

His eyes were intent on her hand as he continued caressing her.  Then he lifted her up to his mouth.  His lips pressing where his fingers had been.

When he spoke, his lips moved soft against her wrist, “What are you referring to?”

“The sex.”

He stopped then, eyes focusing in on her as he removed his mouth a bit from her skin, “Did…”  His brows knitted and he frowned, “Was I not---”

She hurried to stop his train of thought, even as she laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of it.  The way he had made her react to him, the things he had done to her body, all the ways she had taken him and still only wanted more and more.  How could he possibly think he was anything less than perfect?

“No it’s not that.  It’s… the first time isn’t  _ supposed _ to be incredible like that.”

Solas’ brow raised a notch and she caught a glimpse of his lips tilting up from behind her wrist, “Let me make sure I comprehend correctly, you are upset because the sex was  _ too  _ pleasurable?  Is that accurate?”

She laughed, “I’m not upset.”  Then she shifted her eyes away from him, looking to the sheets beneath her, “Just confused.  I mean it’s supposed to be a time to learn each other.  Awkward first attempts of fitting together, learning what works and what doesn’t, and just… well learning each others bodies.  With you it was…”

“Natural.  Instinctive, as though it always was.”

She met his eyes again, “Yes.”

His fingers tightened against her skin.  He dipped his head, buried himself into the palm of her hand.  After a beat he shifted so he could look at her again, mouth nipping at her flesh before he pulled his face away from her.  He kept his fingers with hers, shifting so they twined together.

“Before all this, in the time of the ancient elvhen,”  A pause, “My time.  There was something called---”

There was the sharp sound of knuckles on wood, then a female voice, “Water.”

Solas squeezed her hand, then released her fingers.  He pulled the covers over her before he stood and went to the door.  With no hesitation at all, he opened it for the women carrying the water.  Making easy small talk with them as they worked.  

Emma supposed she wouldn’t be hesitant either if she had his body.  Not that hers was bad, just…

She hugged the sheets to her and plopped back on the bed as she waited.  The moonlight shone through the window and she reached up a hand to the beams, letting them play along her fingers.

His words about the world he had been from, it reminded her of the dream she had.  Reminded her of Andruil, Amynta, and… slaves.  They had slaves.  She glanced at him as he gave the women each some coin on their way out.  Had he?  

He shut the door, turning back to her.  The moment his eyes took in her face his smile fell, “What is it?”

“I…”  She shifted, sitting up and keeping the blanket held to her chest, “There is a lot to tell.  Something happened in the Fade.  That night after our fight, it…”  She swallowed and shut her eyes as though that would block out the visions that were coming to her.

Then his thumb was on her cheek, grounding her as he spoke, “Ir abelas, vhenan.  I am sorry for---”

“It isn’t your fault.  Not that I was,” She sighed and opened her eyes to look up at him, “I made a mistake and it---”

“Come,”  He took the blanket between his fingers, giving a slight tug to remove it from her, “You can tell me while we bathe.  I will put some herbs in that will help your muscles and aid in feeling calm.”

Sometime later she found herself very grateful for the magic in this world.  The runes had worked to keep the bath the perfect temperature as she’d told Solas everything about that night.  It was easier than she’d thought.  The herbs he had put in did, in fact, relax her.  More so, she felt safe.  Tucked as she was between his legs, one of his arms wrapped firmly to her waist while the other traced across her skin and hair.

“Andruil will not be able to bother you again.”

Her fingers gripped to his forearm around her waist, her other hand resting light on his knee, “You sound so certain.”

A pause and she swore his arm tightened to her, “I am.”

“How can you be?  I’m not.”

His hand came to reach under her chin, stroking her jaw, “As long as there is air in my lungs I will not let her or anyone else hurt you, I swear it.  You are my heart.   Nothing will touch you.”

“Solas…”  

Her face was flush from his words, her heart too full for her to think of a proper response, so instead she leaned into him more.

He bent, lips pressing to her hair, “There was something else.”

“Hmm?”

“When you were on the bed the way you looked at me, you,”  He paused head shifting to rub against her, “You were uncertain.  Uncertain of me specifically, I could see it.  What is it, vhenan?”

She almost hated to even ask it.  Surely there was no way he could have been one of those.  Still, “The slave, she--”  Emma swallowed before she forced the question out in a rush, “Did you have slaves?”

She could feel the tension release from his body as soon as the question was out.  The action confusing her.  What had he thought she was going to ask?  Something about Amynta perhaps?  He had stiffened when she had mentioned the name the first time in her story.  Had something truly bad transpired between the two?

“No.  I did not nor did I support the practice.”

Though she was relieved by this, his initial reaction bothered her.  “Solas?”

“Yes, vhenan.”

“What did you think I was going to ask?”

A pause.  The room suddenly growing thickly quiet.  She would have thought he was even holding his breath, if she hadn’t been able to feel the gentle rise and fall of his chest against her back.

With his face still resting against her hair, he spoke, “I suppose several questions passed through my thoughts, all with the same basic principle; that you regretted what we have done tonight.”

The sadness in his voice made her heart clench.  She pulled from him, took a moment of somewhat awkward adjusting.  There was the sound of water making a light plop on the floor as she accidentally knocked some out of the tub.  Then she was facing him, fingers going to brush along his cheek.

“I will never regret this, Solas.”

“Ar las tel’din’himathe.” His eyes softened and he turned his head to press his mouth to her palm, each finger, “Nor will I.”

She watched him closely, body warming even more at his gentle attentions, but she had to say it.  “You know you can tell me anything right?  I will love you no matter, there is no secret you could tell me that could change that.”

She thought she felt his lips tremble against her skin.  Then his hands were moving to her, pulling her body so that her front was flush against him.  He bent his head to her, using his hand to tilt her chin up as he brushed his nose against hers.

“Vhenan.  Ar lath ma.”

The brush of the words, chased quickly by the brush of his lips.  Then the firmer press of him as his hands tightened to her and his mouth sought out more of her kiss.  As she always would, she opened to him and fit her hands to his shoulders.  She felt him growing harder still against her stomach.

He pulled his mouth from hers, though his hands still sought out the feel of her skin, fingers running paths of electricity along her.

“Ir abelas.  You are---”

She shifted against him, pulled herself up so that she could rub her entrance along his arousal.  She felt gluttonous in her desire for more of him.  The thing was, they had a moment here.  Back at camp, even if they spent every night at Haven together till she left, it would not be as it was here.  This was… separate.  It was theirs alone.  Or so it felt like, and she wanted every moment to count.

At her movement he released a shaky sigh that brushed the skin of her breast.  The air, in contrast to the water that dripped on her skin, made her shiver.  One of his hands gripped tighter to her waist, the other slipped between them.  The fingers finding her and releasing warm magic through her.  

His mouth was already seeking out her skin again, lips caressing her as he spoke, “It will help the soreness.”

Solas then bundled her to him.  It seemed to take no effort on his part to lift her out of the bath.  He took her to the end of the bed.  Then placed his hands on her hips to turn her before his touch ran along her spine, stopping at her shoulder blades to ease her down into bending forward for him.

He knelt behind her.  His hands massaging each side of her ass while his mouth nibbled and sucked the flesh of her there.  The sensations it brought were surprisingly erotic.  Then he shifted his attentions to her entrance and in no time he had her knees shaking as she cried out her release.

Through her lust filled haze she heard him growl out something about her taste on his lips.  Then he was inside of her, fingers digging into the flesh of her hips as he moved in her.  Water pooling on the floor and bed from their still wet bodies, mixing with their sweat as their love making built.  

She clawed at the sheets as he took her again.  Orgasmed for him, once, twice;  then he was bending over her, one of his hands gripping tight to the sheets while the other wrapped tight to her waist.  He released himself again as he held her to him.

Once they had settled from their orgasms he brushed her hair from her back, placed soft kisses along her spine and shoulder blades.  Then he pulled himself out from her and his arms were around her, carrying her back to their bath.

This time they actually did bathe.  They soaped down and then Solas asked to wash her hair for her.  His hands went to one of the marks he had left on her neck from his mouth.  She started to feel the tingle of his magic and brought her hand up to cover his.

“Don’t.”

He paused, spoke in her ear, “It has left a mark.  I can heal them all so---”

“I want them there.”

His lips pressed to the back of her neck, “Ma nuvenin, vhenan.”

As they continued cleaning themselves, they talked about their different worlds.  He told her about more of Arlathan and what it was like.  Answered her various questions.  He asked her more about her world.  Was both horrified and fascinated at the concept of airplanes.  The fascination was adorable and made her heart thud with her love for him.

When they were finished they settled into bed.  Skin to skin against each other, cradled together and safe within this little world they had created.  She buried her head to his chest, knowing that she had to go to sleep, but desperately wanting to stay awake.  It wouldn’t be long even if she wanted to fight it.  The exhaustion, and satiated feeling their love making had left her with, mingled with all that had happened the past few days.  Her eyelids grew heavier as she took in deep breaths through her nose to capture his scent.

He spoke, the rumble of his chest felt against her forehead, “For the first time in so many centuries, I find I do not wish to sleep.”

She couldn’t help the soft smile that played on her lips as she buried her head under his chin.  “I don’t either.”  Then the smile dropped, “They’ll want to talk about it.  Make plans.”

“I know.”  A pause, “Perhaps, we can postpone it, just for tonight.”

“Would that be wise?”

“It---”  She felt the breath from his amused sigh tickle against her hair.  Then he started again, “No, but, strangely, I find I do not care.”  Then more quietly, “We still have time.  The nights getting back to Haven.  Then, I imagine, it will take more nights to get the mages all there and settled, to put down the foundations for the plan of sealing the Breach.  We have time.”

She whispered, “Not enough.”

Solas arms tightened to her, “Do you remember before the women came in with the water?”

“Yes.”

He took a deep breath, “In the time when the Fade and the waking world was one there was something called, sa’elgar himasa.  I had always thought it some made up thing.  It was rare enough, even then.”

She sounded out the words, “Sa’elgar himasa.  What does it mean?”

“I do not know that there is an exact translation, but, essentially, it means spirit bonded or spirit mate.  When two beings are so entwined that it is rumored they were once one, separated for some reason until they could find each other once again.  Two beings that are so connected their magic calls to each other and once they have found one another, it is…”  He paused thought, “There really are not proper words in this tongue.”

“You believe---”

“I know, vhenan.  Though I had tried to deny such for it is… well,”  He kissed her head, “We are bound, you and I.  Somehow, we always have been and we always will be.  Even when you are in the other world.  You will always be connected to me and I to you.  Always.”

“Is this why your magic makes me,”  She paused, hunted for a good word but couldn’t think of a more poetic one, “Well, horny.”

He chuckled, the sound delicious to her ears, “Yes.  Though that would be easier to control the more we joined like we did tonight and if we could join with our magic free.  I am not sure how it works precisely, but I believe it has something to do with the settling in.  The magic becomes joined of a sort again.  Once the process is complete the magic becomes so mixed together it is impossible to tell one mates from the others.  Or so I was taught.  As I said, it was rare even then.”

She thought for a moment, “You never use your full power, I can sense it and I imagine you only use a fraction of what you had.”

His fingers stilled from their caresses for a beat before he started touching her curls again, “That is correct.”

“Can you… if you were to release it fully I imagine---”

“It would not be safe to do so here.  Not to mention, I still lack access to my full strength, though I have more available to me when we dream.  If I were to try to access it, any nearby with the capabilities would pick up on it.”  Before she could respond he said, “You still have not gained access to your full power either.”

Her brows knitted, “How can you know that?”

“It is complicated to explain, but then, how do you know of mine?”

“I just… know.”

“See.”

“Still, it would be nice if we could both just, let go.”  If sex was this intense with this, she could only imagine would it would be like with their magic thrown in at full blast.  “If there was a place where we could explore that reaction fully.”

“In another world.”

“You say that as though it’s impossible,”  She couldn’t help the teasing smile, a nibble to the skin of his shoulder, “Yet, here I am.”

He chuckled again, “And how lucky I am that it is so.  Now, we must sleep.”

Though she still wished they didn’t have to, sleep was calling to her now.  Her body already gone heavy as she said, “Dearheart?”

His arms tightened to her, “Hmmm?”

“Ar lath ma.”

She felt his smile against her brow, “Ar lath ma vhenan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations:
> 
>  **Ar las tel’din’himathe** \- given his next words Emma assumed this was something along the lines of nor will I. The actual translation is roughly, I hope that doesn't change.
> 
>  
> 
>  **Ma nuvenin** \- As you wish
> 
>  
> 
>  **sa’elgar himasa** \- I know I put the translation in text, but I'd note I strung these together specifically for this so the literal translation is something like, one spirit bonded.


	67. Windows

That night, when Emma entered the Fade, she found she was nervous.  She paced the living room of her Fade home, putting things down, adjusting, double checking for anything embarrassing.  Solas was taking a while tonight.  She kept thinking how she wished she’d not asked Sherlock to give them a bit.  If she hadn’t, then she’d have her friend here to distract her thoughts, keep the doubt at bay.

It was not that she didn’t want Solas to see this.  It simply felt like opening up the final piece of herself to him.  There was something frightening in that.  Frightening to lay herself bare, strip herself down even to her most intimate memories.  

She felt the moment he finally slipped into the Fade.  Then, before she could even figure out how to call out to him, he was next to her.  Expression puzzled and eyes focused on her.  He opened his mouth, but then his eyes finally caught on the area around him, and his lips snapped shut again.

Her heart beat hard in her chest, the thud of it even heard in her ears.  Solas looked around himself slowly, keen steel eyes taking in everything.  The longer the quiet drew out, the more Emma found herself fidgeting.  Then his eyes locked onto something and he was moving across the room.

“Solas?”

He was at the mantle, fingers reaching out to lift one of the framed photos.  She saw the gentle upward curve of his lip before he said, “How old were you?”   


She released a breath of air as she walked over to him.  She peeked over his shoulder to see which one he’d picked up.  It was a picture from one of the years they’d gone to pick raspberries.  All the girls’ lips and fingers stained red from the juice.  They’d eaten much more than they’d actually picked to bring home.

A slight lean and she was pressing just a touch against his side, “Seven I believe.”

“That is your mother and sisters with you?”  

“Yes, Tess is the older one and Meredith the younger.”

“Your mother has your eyes.”

She laughed, “Usually it’s said the other way around.”

He lifted it closer to his face, fingers tracing along the edge of the glass, “I have never seen such a detailed painting.”

“It’s a picture not a painting.”

His eyes shifted to her, “A picture?"

“Uh yeah it’s...,”  She thought for a moment, “I admit, I don’t know much about exactly  _ how  _ photography works, but basically I think it has something to do with mirrors.  Reflections imprinted onto film.  It’s like capturing and freezing a moment in time so you can look at it later.”

“That is...,”  He put the picture back and his eyes went to over the others, “All of these, this is truly what you looked like in those moments?”

“Yes, well sort of.”

“You are so happy.”

Something in the way he said it, a wistfulness and resolve to his tone, made her nervous.  She hurried to ease whatever had come into his mind.  

“Smiling for photos was a rule.  You have to look happy in pictures, even when you’re not.”

He looked unconvinced, eyes going back to the first picture, “You look truly happy, lighter.”

“I was a kid.  Kids are like that for the most part.”  She smiled, “I mean, when your biggest worry is if you’re going to have cheerios or frosted flakes that morning, the world is fairly straight forward and easy.”  At his puzzled glance she added, “It’s cereal brands, breakfast food.”

“Ah.”  He looked over the grouping of pictures once more, “You don’t seem to have any of you when you are older.  I would ask if age restriction is also a rule to this, picture, but your mother is in them and your older sister.”

She shifted, a hint of old pain stabbing at her, “We moved.  I haven’t been in this house since I was eleven.”

Solas straightened, turning to her and reaching out to brush his knuckle along her cheek, “Will you show me the rest of your home?”

Her eyes lifted to meet his, “You don’t seem very surprised.”

He chuckled, leaned in to brush his nose against hers before he kissed her light and teasing, “I am not, only because I have come to expect a constant flow of unexpected from you.”  He pulled from her.  His hand left her cheek to draw a path down her shoulder and arm till his fingers twined with hers, “Besides, I knew you were capable.”

She moved up to her tiptoes to place a quick kiss on his jaw before she gave his hand a gentle tug and began showing him around.  At first he remained reserved, but it was not long before his curiosity won out.  Then he reminded her of a kid at Christmas morning with each new discovery he made.  

It was simple things too, like he was absolutely fascinated by the toilet and shower.  Plumbing in general was of great interest to him, and she couldn’t blame him at all, plumbing was one of the things she mourned the loss of herself.

They moved through the house slowly because of his inquisitiveness.  Not that she minded.  It was nice to see this side of him.  Even with her he always tended towards reserved, stoic, it simply was part of who he was.  So, to see him like this, wide eyed and full of excited wonder, was a true treasure to her.

When they arrived at the office, he immediately went to the shelves, fingertips brushing along the various titles as he read through them.  Emma leaned against the doorframe and watched him.  She tried to imprint the little details of him, the way his head would tilt just a hint when something caught his interest or how his ears would occasionally twitch at some sound only he heard.  The grace of each movement as though every breath of his was part of some intricate dance.

Then he spoke, head still looking down at whatever book he had in his hands, “It would appear you were not always lacking in a desire for sweets.”

Her brows knit, “What are you---”  Then it dawned on her, there were family photo albums in here, and if the books were all filled from what she remembered then…  She hurried forward, “You do  _ not _ need to be seeing those.”

He turned as she neared and, just as she made to grab for the photo album he lifted it high over his head, “Why?  This is nothing to be embarrassed about.  It too is fascinating.  I have never seen so much color on a cake, nor on such an adorable little face.  Tell me, did you smash your whole face into it or bring up handfuls with your little hands?  I wish to envision the scene correctly.”

Despite knowing it was ineffectual, she tried to reach up to grab the book from him, “Solas.  Really, this is unfair.  It’s not as though we can make it even by me seeing embarrassing pictures of your childhood.  Now give it here.”

He chuckled, “Why be embarrassed?  You were rather endearing.”

She kept reaching, practically climbing up him in her attempt, “Were?”

The arm that wasn’t holding the book up slipped around her waist, forcing her to still against him, “Endearing would now be far to understated a term.”

He dipped his head and pressed his lips to hers in an easy kiss.  When he pulled away it took her brain a moment to come back from the feel of him on her mouth.  Then she frowned and continued reaching for the album.

“You can’t woo me on this, wolf.  Give it.”

“Feel free to climb me for it, cat.”

She opened her mouth to speak and then realized what she should have from the start.  This was the Fade, her part of the Fade.  If she didn’t want the book here then she could simply will it away right?  Her mouth closed and she gave him a mischievous smirk.  One of his eyebrows quirked up at the expression, but before he could speak the book was gone from his fingers.

He looked up at his now empty hand and then back to her, “Now  _ that  _ is unfair.”

“Hardly anymore unfair than your height.”

He brought his hand down bringing it to her waist with his other, “Bring it back, vhenan.  I was not done.”

“Ha, no way sir.”  

He hummed in the back of his throat as his fingers sought along her sides.  “Please.”

“Nope.”

Then his fingers found the flesh of her hips, they dug in there massaging, she squirmed against him, “Bring it back.”

She tried to wiggle away from him as his fingers somehow managed to find one of the few areas she was ticklish at, though she had no idea how he had guessed at the particular area of her hips.

“I won’t.”

“Very well, you leave me no choice.”

His fingers increased their movements, holding her close even as they mercilessly tickled her.  She struggled, but in the end he was stronger than her.  All she could do was squirm while she broke into a fit of giggles.

She spoke through her laughter, hands against his chest, “Solas, stop.”

“Do you surrender?”

“Never.”

“Then I shall not.”

He scooped her up and, before she could even react, she found herself perched on the edge of the desk, pinned there as his fingers continued their merciless journey over her.  As she laughed, he dipped his head to her throat, breathed against her there, then nipped at her ear.  It was only a few moments then before tickling turned to something else.

The breathlessness of her giggles shifting to another kind of breathlessness as his mouth trailed along the skin of her neck.  Her fingers now gripped onto his shirt as he tasted her.  His fingers stopped their tickled and instead began to caress, moving along her till they slipped under her shirt, brushed against her skin.

He nuzzled at her, hands continuing their path up her sides, “Emma, I---”

Then as abruptly as he had started, he stilled.  Pressed as she was against him she could feel his muscles stiffen for a beat before he moved his hands out from under her shirt.  Her eyes fluttered open to look at his face just as he pulled his mouth from her.  His eyes were on the door to the room.

As he straightened, Emma followed his gaze to find Amynta standing in the doorway.  Solas stood tall now but kept a hand on her, kept himself between her and Amynta.  Though, it didn’t remind Emma so much of him guarding her, more like a child who was concerned a parent was going to take away a favorite toy.

Amynta’s eyes went to Emma and she smiled, “I’m sorry to interrupt.”  Then her eyes shifted back to Solas, “Hello Solas.  It has been a while.”

“It has.”

“I confess when I had thought of ways we would meet again this did not cross my mind.  Though I suppose I should not be entirely unsurprised.  Old habits.”  Then, Amynta’s eyes went to Emma and she shifted, “I apologize I did not mean---”

Emma smiled and hopped off the edge of the desk, “It’s fine.  He has already hinted that he was more… rambunctious in his younger years.  I don’t mind, his past is his past.  He is---”  She stopped herself than, unsure if being so possessive as calling him hers would be appropriate.

Solas glanced at her, leaned down to kiss her forehead, “Yours.  I am yours, vhenan.”  Then he straightened once more and looked at Amynta, “Amynta, I believe you and I should talk.”

“If you wish.”  She clasped her hands together and gave a slight nod to Emma, “Take a night to yourself, child.  You deserve a bit of peace.  We will work on your training more tomorrow.”  Then her eyes went back to Solas, “I will meet you in your study.”

With that, she was gone.  Solas turned back to Emma, brow raised, “Training?”

“Oh.  Yeah, I suppose I forgot to mention that.  Amynta is teaching me some basic fighting techniques.  Just in case.”

“Ah, that is good.  She is a skilled fighter.”  He reached up to place his palm to her cheek, thumb brushing along her cheekbone, “Was she the spirit that helped you when you healed me?”

“Yes.  Does that bother you?  You two seem...”  she paused, “Well…”

“No, I am glad.  We were friends once and even now, I would be a fool to be upset by someone so skilled offering you their aid.”  A pause, “Has she told you about...,” another hesitation.

“About your history together?”

A release of breath, “Yes.”

“Not really, just that she knew you and it was a long story.”

“It is complicated.”  A slight knitting of his brows as he added, “We were never romantic.”

She laughed, “She told me that already and even if you had been, I meant what I said about your past.  What matters to me now is what time we have together.”  Then her expression turned serious again as a thought crossed her mind, “She didn’t… betray you somehow did she?”

“As I said it is… complicated, but she would not harm you.  She has offered you her protection and aid, she will not go against that.”

“It’s good to know I was right in placing my trust with her.”

She felt a slight twitch to his fingers, the smallest hesitation before he spoke, “Yes, you were.”  He bent his head towards her, “You do not mind if I go speak with her now?  I know we had intended to---”

She brought her fingers up to his jaw, “I don’t mind at all, dearheart.”

A smile before he pressed his mouth to hers, breathed her in with his kiss, then pulled away, “Ar lath ma.”

And he was gone.  

She took a deep breath and looked to the shelves around her.  It felt as though there wasn’t that much time left till they would need to be awake.  Had there been more, she might have tried to explore the Fade a bit, let the spirits show her something new.  Instead, she pulled a book from the shelf and settled into one of the plush reading chairs.  She tucked her legs beneath her and allowed herself to try to focus on the book.

It wasn’t a very successful attempt all in all.  Her mind kept wandering to what Amynta and Solas could be talking about.  Not that it was any of her business, but that didn’t keep her from being curious about it.  The whole thing between them was strange to her and the way they’d greeted each other only served to make the curiosity about their past stronger in her.

On top of that, she kept feeling out into the waking world.  It was comforting to have him so near.  To be able to feel his body against hers still.  

She had no idea how long this struggle to read went on for.  Time in the Fade could be different from time in the waking world, but she felt when he woke.  First she felt it in his breathing, the overall stirring of him next to her.  Then she felt it in the soft brush of lips upon skin, fingers curling in her hair as others feathered along her skin, lighting a trail of electricity in their wake.

When her eyes opened it was to find him trailing kisses along her jaw.  The morning light just starting to make its appearance as it painted the room in a warm gold.  One of the beams from the window set along his broad shoulders, painting the strength in them along with the adorable softness of the freckles that were scattered there.

She shifted, brought her mouth so she could brush against the dotted flesh of his shoulders.  He sighed into her skin before he moved his hand to turn her head to him and took her mouth.  There were no words.  They didn’t really need them in those last little stolen moments together.  

She opened for him, like a bloom in the bright spring sun.  He took and took till she felt everything drained out from her, released in floods of light and song.  Then he gave back to her, gave her everything of him to fill up all those places he had drained.  And for a bit longer they simply were.

When they were both coming back to themselves, to awareness of the world around them, she allowed herself to think what it would be like if they could be like this.  If there really was another world where things were easier.  Another world where she could fall asleep every night so entwined with him that their bodies couldn’t be told apart.  A world where she could wake up every morning to him as her shining sun.  

Solas nuzzled to her breast, gripped her tighter to him for a while longer.  Then, when the room was almost full yellow with the day’s light, he gave a deep sigh against her.  He unraveled himself from her slowly and moved to get their things from the bedside table.  His movements uncharacteristically slow.  

Emma set up behind him, pressed kisses to his back,  “I love you, Solas.”

He shifted so that he could see her, started to turn his head to bring his mouth to hers then stopped himself with a shake of his head.  Instead, he touched his brow to her’s for just a moment before standing from the bed.

“If I kiss you again, we will never join the others.”

“It’s a tempting thought.”

They both knew that given the current situation they would be unlikely to get any time alone, not outside of the Fade at least.  It was likely many of the mages would be traveling with them, this would mean sharing of tents which in turn would mean no stolen nights.  Given that, once they left here they would probably not have each other again until Haven.

Emma set up fully, letting her legs swing over the side of the bed as she reached for her clothing, “We could run away together.”

He chuckled, pulling his undershirt over his head, “Where would we go, ma vhenan?”

“You mean if the world was not ending?”

He smiled at her as he reached for his leggings, “Ideally.”

She stood and started to pull on her own clothing as she thought.  Once she had on her underclothes she paused, “Everywhere.”

He stopped just as he was putting on his belt that soft smile still on his lips, “Everywhere?  That is quite a broad suggestion.  I was thinking more specific.”

“I want to travel with you.  I want you to take me to all the places you’ve told me about.  I want to walk with you in the ruins, the battlefields, all of it.  I want to see everything with you, walk the Fade as one.  Then, when we are both ready, find somewhere quiet to settle.”  She pulled on the outer layer not looking at him as she focused on the various fastenings, “But in the end, what I want most, is simply to be with you.  To fall asleep knowing that I will wake to you every morning and fall asleep against you again the next night, be that in a bed, under the stars, or tucked away in ruins.”

There was absolute silence then as she finished the last of her clothing.  When she was done she was almost afraid to look up, but she forced her eyes to his face.  He was staring at her, his gaze piercing into her.  

She fumbled to find words, “I’m sorry did I… I mean was that too much?  I didn’t mean to make you---”

Her words were cut off as he moved to her in one long stride.  His hands went to her hips and pressed her against him as his mouth went hungry to hers.  He bent her backwards again, leg finding it’s place between hers to hit the spot that made her release a little gasp into his mouth.  Then he kissed her as only he could, consumed her.  Lit her on fire till the world fell away.

When he released her, she stumbled and he had to hold her shoulders to help her balance.  Both their breathing was ragged and, as soon as he knew she was steady, he took a large step back from her.

“It was not too much, Emma.  I wish with all my being it could be so.”  He looked out the window and for a moment his eyes went dreamy, distant, “I never thought I would meet anyone who could so thoroughly pull me from the Fade, but since I have met you, I find that I would give everything, even that, if…”  His eyes turned back to her, sadness turning to resolve, “In another world, vhenan.”

It took her a moment to come back, to be able to register that his words weren’t in reference to that kiss, but to her words earlier.

When she did she took a deep breath.  What she wanted to say was why not this one.  What she wanted to do was throw away everything to simply be with him.  Her life wasn’t just hers though.  She’d made a promise long ago.  A life for a life.  It should have been hers now she had to amend. 

She forced a soft smile, “Who knows, maybe there is some world where we are already together.  Living in some cute little cottage with all the best things from my world and yours.   Like not as many people and magic, but still with plumbing and coffee.”

His hand reached for her but he pulled it back to his side,  “I hope it is so.”

His eyes went to the last item left for him to put on.  He walked over to the it, picked up the wolf jaw, and let it drop slowly over his neck.  It was like watching a new skin being thrown over him, his mask back in place, shoulders pulled straight and stoic.

She walked to him, placed a hand over the jaw, the other going to his face.  There was something more to this.  Something to the necklace he still wasn’t telling her.  It hurt him and she wanted to help ease that, but how could she if she didn’t know the cause.

“Solas, what is---”

A banging followed by a shout from the other side of the door, “Alright you two rabbits, you better be decent.  If you’re not, pull out and get that way.”

Solas and Emma exchanged a mirrored look.  She let her hand fall from him as he bent to give her a kiss on the head before he chuckled.

“I am surprised it took this long, if I am honest.”  He ran his hands along his clothing once to make sure everything was straight.  Then he went to the door and opened it, “Good morning, Herald.”

“Is it?”  Ivy’s head peeked around his shoulder to find Emma and she grinned, “Ah so it is.  Look at her all glowey.  Good job old man.  I had my doubts but it appears you must have been adequate.  Your no complaints record shall continue it would seem.”

“What a relief.  That is my true goal in this existence.  Though I am curious where you found these records from my earlier exploits.”

“Top secret Herald shite.  Now scoot on out.  Me and your misses need to talk.”

“You--”

“Out ya old egg.”

“Egg?”

Ivy reached up to tap on the crown of his head, “Isn’t it obvious?”

“No.”

Ivy shrugged and then pushed on his shoulders, “Scoot.”

He didn’t exactly go on his own, but Emma knew he could have stopped her from pushing him out had he really wanted to.  

Still, once he was on the other side of the door he turned to look at Ivy, “I am---”

Ivy shut the door on him and turned to Emma with a grin, “Alright where can I go to sit or lean that you guys didn’t rub all over last night?”

Emma snorted then looked around, “To be honest…”

“Are you serious?”

She grinned but gave Ivy a shrug, “He’s rather enthusiastic.”

“How enthusiastic?  How many times did you actually do it last night?”

She flushed, “Uh well, I dunno a few times then we bathed, then again, and then again this morning.”

Ivy gave a deep sigh and walked over to the bed.  She lifted the cover between two fingers and tossed it to the side, then set on the edge of the mattress.  “Andraste’s tits, so the old man  _ does  _ have some staying power.”

“You have no idea.  He is quite---” Then she realized he might not exactly relish her telling all this, even if it was all a glowing review.  She cleared her throat, “Anyways, I should thank you.”

Ivy looked up at her, head tilting, “Thank me?”  Then a half grin,  “I wasn’t there.”  

Emma snorted again, “You know what I mean.  Thank you for giving us this.  A night to just be.”

For a moment Ivy’s face turned serious, “We don’t know what tomorrow will bring.  If you can, you deserve to have a few moments of love.  You should hold onto them.”  Then she patted the bed next to her, “On another topic, I believe you were going to tell me the truth sissy.  We won’t have privacy again for a while so, have at it.”

Emma took a deep breath.  She loved Ivy, wanted to tell her the truth, but at the same time she was afraid.  It was a lot to take for anyone.  Still, she had to just keep having faith in this woman she’d come to love.  So, she went to sit down next to her and started from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Kinako for helping me so I could get this released today <3
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed :D


	68. Crowded

There was absolute silence, total stillness where Emma wanted to look over to Ivy, but she was too paralyzed to do so.  Then Ivy stood so swiftly that it made Emma wince.  Ivy paced and finally Emma brought her eyes up to watch. There was color on Ivy’s cheeks and a deep frown on her face.

Emma swallowed, “Do you believe me?”

Ivy didn’t stop, didn’t look at her as she said, “Yes.”

Just like that?  Would Emma have been able to believe that quickly if their roles had been reversed?  If Ivy had ended up in her world would she have accepted so easily?  Yet, there was something here.  Ivy believed her, but she was clearly angry about something.

“Ivy, you---”

“You were just going to leave.”

“What?”

Finally, Ivy stopped, turned to look at Emma her brows pulled together, “You were just going to vanish.  You were going to leave without me ever knowing this.  Just take off and disappear and leave me wondering why.”

There was a tightening in her chest, “Ivy, I didn’t....”  She fidgeted, clasped her hands in her lap.

“Didn’t what?”

Excuses, reasoning, it all died in her throat because Ivy was right.  It would have been a horrible thing to do to someone she had come to care about and who cared so about her.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re still planning on leaving?”

She took a deep breath, eyes remaining on her hands as she clamped her fingers together, “I have to.  I have a life there, people who depend on me, I---”

“You don’t have that here?  What about me?  Solas?”  Emma heard Ivy began to pace again as she continued speaking, “The fucking world is ending here and, unless I’m mistaken, yours is in pretty good fucking shape.  Yet, they need you more?”

Emma winced, “It’s complicated, I…  I don’t have a choice, Ivy.”

“Druffalo shit you don’t have a choice.  There is always a choice  _ Emma _ .  You’ve clearly made yours, so take the fucking responsibility for it at least.”  

Emma opened her mouth, but the door was opened, and then slammed shut, before she could get a word out.  She set on the bed, fingers trembling as she clenched her fists.  Ivy’s words had been like punches because they were true.  It made her question, but she couldn’t.  She didn’t actually have a choice on this did she?  Not really?  She had---

“Vhenan?”

She looked up, realized there was wetness on her cheeks and wiped at her face with her sleeves, “I’m coming.”

She stood and, on somewhat wobbly legs, made her way to the door.  Solas stopped her with gentle hands on each shoulder, paused a beat, and then pulled her to his chest.  He held her like that for a moment, took a deep breath so she could feel it against her cheek.

Then he spoke, the rumble of it comforting against her skin, “You told her?”

“Yes.”

“Everything?”

“Yes, well, except for anything about you and your past.  You don’t need to wor---”

“I did not think you would, vhenan.”  She felt his lips press to the crown of her head, “She did not believe you?”

Emma gave a dry laugh into his chest, “She believed me.  She was angry that I was going to leave without a word... and that I still intended to leave now.”

His fingers clenched once against her, “The Herald will come to understand that this is the only way.  You must return home.  It is much to take in all at once, give her time.”  Another kiss, “We should depart, she asked that we meet them at the camp near the farms.”

Emma took a deep breath as he released her, his fingers went down to twine with hers, but he paused.  Went through some internal debate before he bent his head to her, free hand going to lift her chin.

He brought his mouth to hers, stopping just before lips touched, “Ar lath ma.”  

Then, he pressed to her.  It was soft this time, and far too quick for her liking, just enough for a hint of a taste before he straightened again.  After, he gave her hand a gentle tug and they walked out of the tavern together.  

They remained in silence all the way back to camp.  It was an easy silence, not awkward or anything.  It was the silence that allowed one to simply enjoy the time for what it was.  After all, they both had a feeling silence would be hard to come by on the journey back to Haven.

When they got there most of the things were all packed.  Ivy refused to look at them as the last bit of work was done.   Then they were all on the road again.  

There were so many more of them now.  They were joined by many of the mages and the road seemed overly crowded, stifling.  There was no peace to be found anymore and Ivy, being sure to ride as far from Emma as she could, did not help Emma’s mood with the whole situation.  

Solas, for his part, stayed close to her.  Quiet and content, occasionally bringing his horse closer so their legs would touch, a brush of a hand on hers.  She was unsure if this was to keep her from losing it or if it was because he wanted her touch.  Perhaps it was a bit of both.

As suspected, when they made camp later that day, everyone was set to share tents.  They’d be crammed in like sardines.  She looked down to frown into her bowl of porridge, set the rest of it aside with a sigh and debated if she could get away with simply sleeping outside tonight.  Ivy would probably prefer it.  Hell, she’d probably prefer if Emma slept on the other side of Thedas.

Another sigh escaped her lips and then there was warmth at her back, long legs going on each side of her as arms wrapped her with a blanket.  Solas’ scent filled her nostrils and she leaned back against him as he covered her.  There was no more need to hide it, no more desire to keep their relationship a secret, still she was surprised at this public of a display from him.

Words whispered against her ear, “Does doing this here bother you?”

“No dearheart.”

A little intake of breath before he brushed his lips against the back of her neck, inhaled her scent, “You did not finish eating.”

Her eyes went to Ivy, still pointedly ignoring her, “I don’t have much of an appetite at the moment.”

“Ra juetuna.  It will pass, vhenan.”

She took a deep sigh, settled herself even closer to him so the jaw bone dug into her back, but she didn’t mind, “Perhaps, but even if it does will it happen before I…”  Another sigh.  She couldn’t finish the thought.  Instead she said, “I love her.  I don’t want it to be left like this.”

“I know,”  He nuzzled once more before resting his chin on her shoulder, “If she does not come to you by journey’s end go to her, but she needs the time to process.”

She shifted and as he raised his head from her she brought his fingers to his cheek.  “I---”  _ don’t know what I’d do without you. _  The words were there but she swallowed them back before they came out because she  _ would _ know.   Soon she would know.  And she had no right to say them or think them.

Not when she was going back to her world.  Not when she would leave him and everyone else.  Not when she had a husband at home.  

Everything was so mixed up now.  Tangled and confused, but then why did it somehow feel so right with him?  Like she was exactly where she needed to be when she knew that couldn’t be true.

“Vhenan…”

She tilted her face to him and he bent to her.  The position was not the most comfortable, but when his lips met hers she sunk into it.  Let the sounds of the camp and her worries be vanquished if only for a moment.  When she opened her mouth to him a low rumble escaped his throat before he found her tongue.

Then, after a beat, a swift movement of his arm as he pulled from her so sudden that it took her a moment to come back from where she was, eyes closed, lips parted.  When she did open them she looked at his hand to find a hunk of bread held in his fingers.  There was a slight smirk on his face as he brought his other hand around her to break the bread, giving her half.

She looked at it, brows furrowed, “Where did you…”

“Sera must have thought we looked hungry.”  Then his eyes went up to the blonde who was currently scowling with a mouthful of porridge by a nearby fire.  “Thank you, Sera.  I had not gotten any of the bread tonight, most considerate of you.”

Solas took a bite and Sera made a pffft sound before she said, “Don’t know why you would be hungry.  You were just eatin’ her face well enough.  Do that someplace where people aren’t trying to eat  _ real _ food, yeah.”

Blackwall was sitting at the same fire and coughed on his porridge.  The man’s cheeks were red against the blackness of his beard and his eyes intent on his bowl.

“Leave them be, Sera.”  Cassandra walked behind her, “If you don’t like it there are other places to sit.”

“Ooohhhh of course  _ you’d _ be all about that shite.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“You’re forgiven.”  

Sera went back to eating her porridge.  Cassandra stood behind her for a moment before she gave a loud ugh sound and continued on to oversee the last tent set-up.

A tap to Emma’s shoulder, “Eat.  You need nourishment for what is to come.”

She brought the bread up to her mouth and couldn’t help mumbling, “What I need is coffee or chocolate.”

A soft chuckle, “I have heard of chocolate here, but it is rare.  I have yet to partake.”

She took a moment to finish chewing and swallow her bite before she said, “You’d like it.”  Then with a small smirk, “It’s an aphrodisiac you know.”

“Truly,”  His hands traced along her side, teased just below her breast under the blanket, “I should perhaps abstain then, I am barely managing as is, unless you are making a comment on my performance last night.”

She laughed, “And this morning.”  Then she shifted, pulled herself a bit from him because it would be too easy to lose herself to him again, “But no, it was by no means a comment on that.  You were… well…”  She flushed at the memories of him before saying, “I was simply letting you know more facts.”

“Is this chocolate a liquid or a solid?”

“It can be either.  Why?  Do you have a preference?”

His mouth found her ear, “I was merely wondering what it would be like if I could lick it from your skin.  The flesh of your breasts, the curve of your hips, the little dip of---”

She felt desire pooling in her belly and pulled from him completely, “That’s… I should go to bed.  Like you said long day tomorrow.”

The blush in her face was so intense she could feel the heat in her cheeks.  When she had untangled herself from him fully she stood and turned to him.  A satisfied smile rested on his lips.

“You’re awful.”

He chuckled and stood, long legs straightening as he folded the blanket over one arm, “If it makes you feel better, you are not the only one affected by our conversation, vhenan.  But then, you seem to affect me in ways I could not have imagined simply by existing.”

Her heart beat fast in her throat and her stomach fluttered.  She gave herself a hard mental shake and took a step back from him, “Tent.  Sleep.  Now.”

Then she turned on her heel and heard him chuckle behind her once more, “On nydha, ma vhenan.”

Once she was in the tent, it took her a while to fall asleep.  The sheer amount of bodies, and snoring, was enough to drive her batty.  She discovered something she never needed to know that night.  Everyone has a slightly unique snore, and when combined, they create a monster snore the likes of which was like a beast awaking from slumber before promptly going into a coughing fit.  Or something like that.  In truth, her mind was tired so her ability to bring up comparisons was compromised.

When she finally did enter the Fade, she was barely able to register that she had gone to her Fade home before Solas was on her.  His lips melded hungry to her own as one hand went to her waist, the other to her hair, pulling her into him.  The intensity of it startled her, freezing her for a moment before she surrender to him.

She could feel him harden against her stomach as he deepened their kiss, hand shifting to her rear to pull her up firmer against him.  A growl into her mouth and he had shifted to her throat, teeth nipping before tongue tasted.

Then he spoke against her skin as his fingers tightened, “Give us a moment more.”

Given how she pressed herself against him and how her fingers dug into his shoulders she assumed he knew she would give him much more than just a moment.

Then another voice spoke from behind her, “No.  There is work to be done.  You know this.”

Emma froze but Solas continued his attention to her neck even as he responded, “Vara em’an.”  _ Leave us. _

Emma’s voice was breathless when she spoke as she tried to gather herself, “Solas…”

Amynta spoke again, her tone light, “Nuva fen’harel pala masa sule’din.”  _ May the Dread Wolf fuck your ass until you die. _

Whatever she had said, it made him stop, pull away just enough so he could look at Amynta over Emma’s shoulder as he spoke, “Really?”

“I have learned some new phrases,”  There was a teasing quality to Amynta’s voice before it turned serious again, “You are attracting attention, Solas.  Do you not feel them?”

Solas released a breath of air, the brush of it tickling the skin of Emma’s neck.  “Very well.”  He pulled his head from her then, letting his fingers brush her jaw once more before moving completely away, “I will not be with you in the Fade for a time, vhenan.”

It was ridiculous how even that made her heart ache a bit.  She saw him all day for goodness sakes.  Still, she couldn’t help the small sound that escaped her mouth before she said, “Why?  Is something wrong?”

“No, ma’lath.  There are things that must be prepared for your leaving.  I am going to seek out my friend, see if they have found anything on this being that lured you here.  In addition, I would like to prepare for if they have not.”

Her brows knit, “Meaning?”

“I need to start planning appropriate wards to set.  I am unsure if I will be able to block the being out completely, but I intend to try.  At the very least, I may prevent it from being able to actually hold you again.”  His eyes shifted to look at Amynta, “Speaking of, do you know this Cole that has offered his assistance?”

Amynta gave a slight shake of her head, “Not well.  He is not often in the Fade, but he is a spirit of Compassion.  He is not presenting himself under false pretenses.”

Something flashed in Solas’ eyes, too fast for Emma to get a good read on.  Perhaps he was unsure still.

Emma spoke, reaching out to touch lightly on Solas’ arm as she did, “I met him and I believe we can trust him.  He was genuine if a bit… uncomfortable seeming.”

Amynta spoke again and Emma shifted so she could see her better, “Cole does not know where he fits anymore.  I believe that is partly why he is so taken with you.”

Solas frowned, “She belongs back in her world.”

“So you keep saying.”

“Because it is the truth.”

Feeling the tension rising in the air between them, Emma spoke hastily to defuse, “Perhaps we should get started then?  Seems like there is a lot to be done for all of us and… thank you both, for everything.”

Amynta gave a nod and Solas’ fingers found Emma’s face once more, “Ar lath ma, vhenan.”

“Ar lath ma, dearheart.  Please be careful.”

He smiled, leaned down to place a kiss on her brow, her nose, and finally a soft brush to her lips.  Then he straightened once more, taking a step away from her as he said, “Sule tael tasalal.”   _ See you in the morning.* _

Then he left and she was alone with Amynta.  The spirit’s eyes were unreadable as she looked at Emma, but her voice was kind as always, “We should work on more training.  With your permission I would take us to a more appropriate training area.”

“Of course.”

They shifted and were in a circular arena that brought to mind training areas you would see in gladiator movies or something.  All she could think was the dirt was going to mean a very sore ass for her come morning.  Which would be total icing on the cake of her journey when she got on the horse tomorrow.  

Her suspicion on the dirt was quickly confirmed when she found herself on said ass only a bit later.  Then again and again.  Still the butt on ground versus feet on ground ratio was becoming more balanced than it had been.  It wasn’t too long before she found her focus either, the area around her fading till she only noticed Amynta.

Then, as time passed, she felt the start of morning.  The gentle stirring of bodies next to her along with some other thing she couldn’t place.  Somehow she simply knew, being here, so connected to everything, it allowed her to sense things in a way she couldn’t outside of the Fade.  

She halted her movement and looked to Amynta, hands up in a stop gesture, “It’s almost morning.  I need to get up.”

“I imagine you will be awoken when it is time for your group to keep moving.”  Something must have shown on Emma’s face because Amynta sighed before straightening from her fighting stance.  “Very well.  You will want to call out to him so he knows to wake with you.”

She blushed, clearing her throat as she shut her eyes.  She worked to focus in on him.  Then, after a beat, she could feel her connection to him.  She used that to call out to him to tell him that she was waking.  Though it was less words and more… feelings sent across the Fade.  Another unique oddity to being here.

When she was sure it had been received she opened her eyes again to Amynta.  “Thank you.  I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

“Until tomorrow, da’len.”

Luckily, her ears were greeted by a still snoring tent when she came back to the waking world.  She’d forced herself up early enough that, if he woke as well, they might steal a moment to themselves before everyone else awoke.  Hoping this was the case, she hurried out of the tent, not even bothering with her outer clothing.

He emerged from one of the men’s tents at almost the same moment.  Their eyes met and electricity surged through her.  She felt like a teenager again with her need for him.  All filled with hormones and the constant desire to touch.  

Solas gave the slightest tilt of his head in the direction of the trees before he headed that way himself.  She followed without hesitation, ignoring the look given to her by one of those on the last watch.

She’d barely gotten down the path and out of eyesight of the camp before a hand was on her arm.  She was tugged and then pushed against a tree.  The smell of pine filled her nostrils for a moment before being replaced by Solas’ smell as his lips crashed against hers.  

The response on her end was instant.  Her hands went to him, one finding the back of his neck and the other the collar of his shirt as she pulled herself up against him.  His hands were frantic on her, seeking her out underneath her shirt; calloused fingers brushing along her skin and making her shiver.  

Then a male voice hit them like a bucket of ice water, “Had I known it was going to be this kind of group, I would have packed differently.”

Solas was off her and straightened to his full height in less than a beat.  He placed himself between her and Dorian, irritation coming off him in waves.  It took a bit longer for Emma to collect her senses, but when she did she put a hand on Solas’ arm then smiled at Dorian.

“Dorian.  What are you doing here?”

“I traveled with the last of the mages.  I’m going to see what this Haven place is all about, learn more about this Inquisition of yours.”

She took a step so that she was side by side with Solas instead of half behind him, “It isn’t mine.  If anything it is Ivy’s and Cassandra’s.  I’m just along for the ride.”

“Yes well it---”

Solas interrupted him, “Why are you here, with us specifically.”

Dorian glanced to him and shrugged, “I felt her magic and I thought I would say hello.  See what took her from the camp.  We did after all travel through time together, there is a certain comradery to that.  I did not feel yours, however.”

The stiffness to Solas’ shoulders loosened just a hint, “You must not have been far from us to be here so early.”

“No.  We left shortly after you, woke up early to get here before you got started.”

Emma sighed and rubbed her temple, “How many make up this ‘we’?”

“Perhaps a dozen or so.”

“Great.  More bodies.”

Dorian smirked, “Ah yes, I would imagine so many people would cut into your ability to… enjoy certain things.  So, you two really are---”

Solas spoke as he started forward, “On our way back to camp so we may start on the road.”

Dorian looked to Emma with a raised brow as Solas passed him.  She shrugged and followed after, Dorian falling in step next to her.  

Dorian leaned towards her and spoke in a low voice, “I do apologize for the interruption, but better me than a search party yes?  Considering where that appeared to be going.”

She flushed but nodded, “True,”  she paused and then added, “I’m glad you decided to come along, Dorian.”

“Didn’t I mention?  The South is so charming and rustic.  I adore it to little pieces.”

She snorted, “Oh yes, all the demons running around sure know how to make one feel welcome.”

He laughed as they entered the camp, now awake and preparing to get on the road.  Emma fell into an easy routine of helping and, before she knew it, she was sitting, if uncomfortably sitting, on her horse making her way back to Haven surrounded by a horde of mages.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed :D


	69. Solas: If Only

It had never been his intent to interfere between her and the Herald.  He had planned to let it be, but he could not stomach seeing Emma like this.  Not now.  Not when time was so short for them that he could practically feel the last grains of it slipping between his fingers.  

He could easily say that it was because he did not want her to leave with regrets.  He did not want her back in her world with the pain of a fight never resolved.  It would be truth, but only a part of it.  The other part was purely selfishness.  He wanted her light, her happiness, her easy laugh.  He wanted to drown himself in it all before she left, wanted her full attention when they took of each other those last few times.

He should be grateful in a way.  Her parting would mean she was safe and would remove his one distraction.  It would make things simple again.

Instead, he often found himself wishing that they had met before everything.  Pondering what it would have been like for them.  Before he had become Fen’harel.  Perhaps then none of this would have come to pass.  They would have lived out their immortality until they were both ready for the uthenera and then entered together. 

Unrealistic thoughts.  Even had it been so, even had he not been pushed down the path of godhood, the gods war would have found them.  It was another reason he had no choice in what he had done.  It was that or the destruction of the world by the very gods who had once sworn to protect it.

No choice in what he must do now.  No choice in her leaving.

And he would not have her leave in pain or, worse still, have her hesitate in her resolve to leave.  If she did he might…

No.

He would talk with the Herald in private.  Try to make her see sense.  He had plenty of time to make a plan before they camped for the night.

Or at least he had thought.

But they camped, darkness fell, and he still was uncertain how to proceed.  The beings of this world had been mostly predictable.  If Emma was not predictable, if she burned brighter than any other, that was because she was not of this world.  That made sense.  The Herald making him uncertain made much less sense.  

He waited till Emma was involved in some deep conversation with the Tevinter, something he was not entirely fond of but that was beside the point at the moment, and he went in search of the Herald.   As it turned out, he need not have made the effort.  The Herald found him herself, leading him out away from camp at a quick pace.  

They walked until the sounds of the camp were but a distant hum.  Then she turned to him, “So, what’s your plan?”

“I… pardon?”

She sighed, “You know, your plan to keep Emma here.  I want to help.”

He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and placed his hands behind his back, “It is my intent that she go, not stay, as should yours be.”

She blinked and he watched as color flushed her cheeks, her fists clenching and unclenching at her side, “You… you want her gone!?  I thought you---”

“I do not  _ want _ her to leave, no, but---”

“I thought you cared about her.  What then?  Was she just some way to wet your---”

He dug his fingers into his palm and spit out the words before he could stop them, “I love her, Herald. She is not---”  He forced himself to stop, took a deep inhale to calm himself, “She belongs in her world.  I am helping her to go back because I do not wish for her to suffer.  She can have peace, does she not deserve that?”

Ivy’s eyes narrowed, “She won’t have peace there and you’re an idiot if you can’t see that.”

He had to work hard to control his features, “I do not know what you think her world is like, but she  _ would  _ have peace there.  She had no need to fight before coming here, no---”

“Did she talk to you at all, about what happened at Redcliffe?”

His brows furrowed for a beat before he forced his expression neutral again, “I am aware that she saw death, mine included.  I am unsure what this has to do with---”

“You were dead.  Or as good as.  I don’t know how she knew you were still alive or  _ if  _ she knew for sure, but she risked everything just to grab your sorry ass and hold you while you died.  Because she said she couldn’t let you die alone.  Even though she knew it wasn’t real, that when we got back it would all be nothing still, she did it.  You’re telling me that she will have peace if she leaves you?  That she’ll, what?  Just forget all of us?  Forget you?  No.  She will live her life in that world wondering if you survived or if that fate she saw became true.  Even if she doesn’t know it now, that’s how it will be.”

Words failed him.  He knew that the Herald spoke but he had become numb after the statement,  _ she wouldn’t let you die alone _ .  It filled his head, rang out over and over again.  He had done this.  He had brought her here, even if indirectly.  He had taken from her that which he should have left alone.  Now they would both pay for it.

But how could he not have.  He was pulled to her no matter how he tried to fight it, and she to him.  The whole thing left him with a horrible choice.  Let her go and spend the rest of his life mourning the loss or keep her here for longer.  Enjoy the time he had with her until…

Until he rained chaos upon the world and her with it.  Until she saw the blood that saturated his hands so thoroughly.  Would she still love him if she knew?  He could not bear the thought of her seeing him as anything but Solas.  Could not bear the thought of her turning from him with disgust in her eyes.  More than that, if it came down to it, if she stayed, would he be able to follow through?  Would he be able to do what he must if it meant hurting her, killing her?  

She must go.  Not only for his selfish reasons but for her own sake.  She may hurt for a time, may wonder what became of them, but she would move on.  Live her life.  Be happy.  She had to.  There was no happy ending for him but she could have hers.

He came back to the world around him to find Ivy mere inches from him.  She spoke in a hiss, “I see the way you look at each other.  That kind of thing, it doesn’t happen all the time and you  _ know  _ that.  So, what elf?  You keep telling yourself it’s for her, but you and I both know that is a barrel of shit.  You’re afraid.  Afraid because she makes you feel.  Afraid because she has a way of ripping off that fucking mask of---”

“Enough.”  His heart beat loud in his ears and his voice came out more severe than he had intended.  The voice of a commander, not the voice of a humble apostate. 

Ivy startled, it was enough to make her pause.  Not a good thing in this case.  He was slipping.  There was too much going through his head and control was escaping him.  He forced a deep breath, dug his toes into the dirt beneath him.

“I apologize, Herald.”

She scowled, “For being an idiot or for letting me see a part of your personality you didn’t want me to?”

He forced his mind to focus on the issue at hand.  What he learned of the events at Redcliffe would need to be processed later, but now he needed to find a way to make the Herald see.

“Herald, please.  Do you not see that the best course of action for Emma is that she go home?  It is clearly the safest option for her.  There she has a chance at--”

“It’s not the best course of action.  She’ll never be happy there, not anymore.  We need her here and she knows it.  If she goes back now---”

“It is not as though she can simply wait, time is of the essence, as you well know.”  

Ivy put her hands on her hips, “What’s so bad about her staying here, huh?  She could have a new life here.  Once this is all done you and her can go off into the sunset, live a quiet life together.”

_ If only it were so,  _ “Things are not so simple, Herald.”

A voice from behind him, “Funny, you would think it would have occurred to at least one of you that I should be involved in this conversation.  Or am I an object to be placed where you two decide is most fitting?”

His stomach dropped and he had to once more force his face to remain neutral as he turned.  Emma stood near, arms crossed over her chest and her eyes narrowed.  He opened his mouth to speak but she put up her hand.

“No.  You listen to me now, both of you.”  She looked to Ivy, “Ivy, I get it.  I understand you want me to stay, that I can help, but you have to understand I have obligations to people in my world too.  I have a home there, a life.  If I go back it doesn’t mean that I don’t care or that I don’t love you.  And you,” Her eyes shifted to Solas, “I know you want to protect me, but I am not a child to be coddled.  I can take care of myself.  Whatever decision I make, it has to be my own.  You both need to lay off and respect that.  This is hard enough without being tugged between two people I love.”

Guilt threatened to bite at him.  Why he was not sure.  He was correct after all, she needed to go home and he had only been trying to help.  Still, he could see her point.  He never wished for her to feel like a pawn or like she was not in control.  That was unless she asked him to take control, but that was an entirely different set of circumstances that he should not even be thinking of now.  

“Ir abelas, vhenan.”

Ivy was still fuming, “It is your decision, but it is one that has an affect on all of us.  Do you really think you can go back now and things will just magically be ok?  That you’ll just slide back into your old life like you were waking up from a nap?  We need you.  _  I _ need you and  _ you _ need us now.  Stop lying to yourself.”

Solas was not quick enough to bite his tongue, “Herald.”

Emma gave him a look to stop him from interfering before she turned her attention back to the Herald, “Ivy, please.  It’s not as though I---”

“No.  I don’t want to hear anymore excuses.  You’re right, this is your choice.  A  _ choice _ , Emma.  If you are going to go, at least own up to it.”

With a wave of her arms, the Herald stormed of back to camp, fuming.  Emma watched her go and Solas watched as Emma’s face crumbled.  He went over to her, desperation to keep her from pain making his heart clench.

“Vhenan, do not listen.  She is upset, she--”

A ragged breath, “She’s right.”

He froze, fingers stopping inches from her cheek, “What?”

“How am I just going to go back after all this?”  She turned to him, eyes shining from the tears that threatened to spill, “I’m not who I was when I left.  I’m never going to be that person again, I don’t…”  

Her voice trailed off to nothing and he reached forward, pulling her to tuck her head against his chest, “You will be alright with time.  You have people who love you there.  A,” he had to work to get the next word out.  It stuck like a stone in his throat that he had to push out, “husband.”

“Yes.  Who I now realize I never loved him as I should have.  I mean I loved him, I love him, but not like…”  

You.  He heard the word in his mind just as clearly as if she had said it.  What response could he possibly give to that?  What they had was unique, rare.  That they found it in each other when they should have been worlds apart was… 

She continued, her words muffled against his chest, “I have done everything because I should do it.  Everything because it is what I thought she would have wanted, what my family wanted.  Now everything here is,”  a deep inhale and she shivered against him, “If I leave I’ll never know what happened.  I won’t know if you’re alive or dead or… well, it sounds arrogant but what if something happens that I could have prevented.  If you or Ivy die and I could have saved you.  I don’t---”

He pulled away from her just enough so he could reach down and tilt her face up, “Vhenan.”  

He brought his mouth to her cheeks, kissing away the drops of tears that fell there before he moved to kiss each eyelid, and then her nose.  When he rested his forehead against hers he could still taste the salt of her tears mingled with the taste of her skin.

_ She couldn’t let you die alone. _

An ache formed in his chest.  Almost crippling in its intensity.  What could he possibly say now?  The truth?  He wanted her to stay, that the very thought of losing her nearly broke him.  That he could no longer imagine a world without her in it.  That he would give up everything, anything, if it meant they could be together.

But he could not.  He could not say those things anymore than he could turn his back on his people.  This would have to be enough for both of them.  These moments of time together, it would have to hold.

His hands shifted pulling her tighter still as his lips moved towards hers.  He stopped just short, the heat of her felt against him.  A question.  When she sighed he felt the brush of air tickle against his mouth.  Then her fingers were around the back of his neck, pulling him down more to her as she closed the distance between them.  Her answer.

This was not something he should encourage.  Not now, not here, not when there were so many chances that someone might see them.  Still, he needed, he ached.  Such was his need for her that the moment she was in his arms again somehow the rest ceased to matter.  This was beautiful.  It was also dangerous.

Little touches were treasured by him, any small brush of hands or contact with her was something he coveted.  If everything were different, if they had more time, it would have been enough; but it was not.  He needed her.  Now.

His hands begun seeking out her skin, trying to find a way beneath all the infuriating layers of clothing.  A hand on his wrist stopped him and, this time, she was the one that pulled her mouth from his.  Panting breathless against the skin of his neck as she tried to ground herself.

“Solas, I’m sorry but we shouldn’t.  Not here with… well…”

He took one last deep inhale of her before he forced himself to step away, putting space between them with a brush of fingers across her neck, “You are correct.  You…  I became carried away.”

A laugh escaped her, a quiet whisper of a thing, but it still made his heart skip, “A rare enough occurrence for you.”

“Not as rare as it once was it would seem.  Come, vhenan, let us go back to camp.”

It was not long after they arrived back at camp that it was time to sleep.  It  _ was _ longer than he cared to admit till he found his concentration in the Fade.  His mind continued wondering to Emma, to worrying what Amynta was telling her, thinking that he’d rather have her with him for more than just concerns about Amynta.  Thinking that he should have taken advantage of the moment of privacy they had stolen instead of going back to camp.

When his thoughts did finally focus, he managed to get a decent outline of at least one ward before Wisdom appeared.  He did not look from the parchment he was working on when he felt her lean over him.  Instead, he simply finished the last of the lines.

She waited till he was done to ask, “That is a strong ward.  This is for your lover?”

The term threw him for a moment.  It felt heavy, powerful, but still not even close to describing what Emma had become to him.

“Yes.”  

He sighed and set back in the chair as Wisdom moved to lean on the side of his desk.

“I take it this means Mythal claims she has had no luck finding the entity?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “She has not.  There is no reason for her to claim this unless it were true.”

Wisdom’s lips pinched a hint but she said nothing as she looked down at the ward once more, “So this is your backup plan then?”

“Yes,”  He moved his hand from his face and stood to walk over to the window where Emma often set, “If I can not find this entity before she leaves, then I need to be sure it will not be allowed to interfere again.  I will be more able to deal with the entity itself after she has left.  Less…”  His voice trailed off.

Wisdom grinned, “Distracted?”  Solas hummed in the back of his throat and Wisdom continued, “You still intend to hunt it down after she is gone?”

“It must pay for what it has done to her.  I…”  A deep breath, “She should never have had to go through any of this.”

“Yet, it allowed her to be with you.  What if this is what was always meant to be?  You can not deny---”

He shook his head, “It would have been easier for her, better, had she never known any of this.”

“Maybe you should stop putting thoughts and decisions into her head.”

Solas turned to her, eyes narrowing a hint, “I am not---”

“Where is she by the way?  I still have not had the pleasure.”

A sigh, “She is training with Amynta.”

Wisdom’s eyes went wide, “Training with… and you’re alright with that?”

He gave a dry laugh, “Not really, no, but I find it difficult to focus on tasks when I am around her at this time.”  He shook his head, “The training is pointless since she will be leaving before she needs to fight like that.  It keeps her busy however and, who knows, perhaps she will find use for it in her world.”

“If she goes back.”  Before Solas could respond Wisdom continued, “You and Amynta are…”

“We had a discussion.  She still has not forgiven me for Felassan.  There was no other way or…”  He swallowed, shook his head again, “I do not believe she ever will forgive me, but, for whatever her reasoning, she has agreed not to tell Emma of my past.”

“Did it occur to you that  _ you  _ should tell Emma about your past?”

“No.  I will not risk losing her for what time I do have.  Besides, what purpose would it serve?  The way she sees me now,”  His eyes shifted to look out the window, “I treasure it.  I would not have her see the blood staining my hands.  I would not have her know that I…”  He clenched his fists, could not bring himself to say it.

“You did not bring her here, dear one.”

“Perhaps not, but if not for me, whatever did, would not have been able to.  All those lives lost at the Conclave, the mark on the Herald, everything...  I had never intended to cause more suffering than was necessary.”

Wisdom walked over to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, “This path you have set yourself down, it is not the only---”

“Don’t.”

She took a deep sigh and removed her hand, “Stubborn man.  Regardless, you will not be able to keep it from her forever.  She is a dreamer and, I assume, intelligent, otherwise you would not have interest.  She will find the truth.  Better you be the one to tell her.”

He turned from the window to Wisdom, “Not in the time she has left here.”

“If she stays---”

“She will not stay.  Now, if you would, I could use your aide on these wards.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the awesome Kinako for, once again, letting me use her to help bounce ideas off of ;)
> 
> Stubborn Solas is stubborn. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed.


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